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[belgurdo]

...you get hilarity!

A nice sample:

6: The post field-trip

Today, we sit in a circle and everyone tells what they liked most about the said field trip. Now, this is my barely functioning group, kids with IQ’s of 18 month old babies. Most of the kids only use one word for their answer (rocks, mud, stick, etc.) usually they will just say another students name and that’s it. Today’s answers were a bit different.

Me: "Emmy, what was the part of the outing you liked the best?"
Emmy: "Boots, mine" (She sticks her leg in the air to showcase her big ass yellow moon boots with fur on top).
Me: "I need everyone’s eyes up here looking at me. Thank you. Now, Emmy really liked being able to wear her boots on our field trip. Jamel, what was the part of the outing that you liked best?"
Jamel: "Eat birds."

Only two of the other kids understand this. One starts to cry and the other gets up, runs to the sink, turns on the water, and sticks his head under the faucet.

And it’s only 12:30 p.m.

 

[aoi tsuki]

Making fun of the mentally challenged doesn't strike me as funny. It's almost barely humorous simply taken at face value.

 

[Gattsu25]

ahh...when I read MH in the title I assumed it stood for MetalHead...but whatever. I read the quote with that assumption and it made sense.

 

[Ill Saint]

I never understood the whole retards are funny thing. That above passage being particularly un-funny.

 

[Manabanana]

I never understood the whole retards are funny thing. That above passage being particularly un-funny.

No man, the kid ate bird eggs.

I remember reading this forever ago. Hilarious if only because the TEACHER is writing this.

 

[Nintendo Ate My Children]

She's not really making fun of them, she's just telling what happened. She is (was?) an actual special ed teacher, and she did have a great response to anyone who thinks her site is in bad taste:

First off, Riti does not make fun of her students. Humor has several uses, and not all are to ridicule or debase. This page should be seen in the same light as surgeons or paramedics making jokes about injured people, or psychiatrists making light of their mentally deranged patients. The people in those fields use humor as a way to relieve the daily stress and aggravation of their very difficult jobs. Paramedics and doctors, especially battlefield surgeons, are renowned for making sick jokes about their patients during their off-time. If they don't release the emotional tension through humor, then it has to come out some other way, hence the saying, "If I don't laugh I'll have to cry."

Being a special education teacher is not substantially different. Riti Sped works with children that have profound and substantive disabilities, and would never be anything but loving, caring and helpful to her students, but on her own time, she, like almost all sped teachers, must find a way to relieve the stress of a very difficult and emotionally trying job. This is her chosen outlet.

Furthermore, the humor employed on the page is Riti's own special, sarcastic brand, and though it does seem rather mean and vitriolic at times, it must be remembered that these are printed jokes in a medium that is wholly separate from her interaction with her students, and sees a side of her personality that her students generally do not see.

She also pointed out on her hate mail page that that she is spending 8+ hours a day caring for these kids for very little money, while most of those who gripe over the internet about her site have never done a damn thing to help any kid who's mentally handicapped.

Anyway, Tard-blog makes great reading, I suggest everyone take a look at the whole site. Especially the Augusta ones:

http://www.tard-blog.com/riti8.html

 

[Ill Saint]

No man, the kid ate bird eggs.

I remember reading this forever ago. Hilarious if only because the TEACHER is writing this.

Dunno, it flies right over my head in that case.

 

[Kefkaff]

http://www.tard-blog.com/riti24.html

24: Retardism runs in the family:

Trevor is in third grade. He was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and as a result is very slow. He is also very bad at reading. He guesses at words, and doesn't even know his sounds. The most frustrating part is that he doesn't care. It doesn't seem to bother him that, in his reading group are three kindergarteners and him.

Last year I had Trevor's brother in my class. He has since moved on to high school. He was scary. I guarantee he will be on America's Most Wanted in like 10 years. We fought just about every day last year because he always wore bandanas to school, which is against school rules. He would always try to compromise with me regarding the bandana ("if I finish all my typing, can I wear it out to recess", etc.)

The most annoying thing he would do was to constantly repeat song lyrics. At least fifteen times a day he would, out of nowhere, bust out with "Jiggah-Jiggah Slim Shady". I wanted to beat him. Near the end of last year he had changed it to "Notorious B-I-G- baby baby". This wasn't nearly as bad as "Jiggah-Jiggah Slim Shady" but was still annoying.

Trevor has replicated this annoying habit. It is as if his brother and him concocted a New Years resolution to piss me off. Trevor was sent to the principal's office, then eventually home because he could not stop saying "Forty degrees when I tell that bitch please." This was his answer to anything and everything. During reading group I asked him to read one sentence from the book. He puts his finger on the sentence, and says, while pretending to be reading, "Forty degrees when I tell that bitch please."

Luckily, the kindergarteners are too young and retarded to comprehend this. Trevor was sent to the principal's office after doing the same thing three more times.

Today Trevor returns, and his new phrase is "Young and dangerous, ain't nobody can hang with us." This one isn't as bad, but it pisses me off because he is saying ain't. I don't want my kids to hear this, because they will be prone to repeating it.

After several warnings, the behavior continues, so he goes back to the office. The principal asks him if he needs to call his mom to come get him.

Trevor's response--I kid you not--"Nigga Please."

He went home shortly after that.

Best one I've read so far.

 

[yoshifumi]

everytime they link to a picture of a mess that some retarded kid makes, it's always the same damn picture!!

 

[Dujour]

My friend's brother has down's syndrome. When we went to school together, he'd always get into fights for sticking up for him. I don't even want to type out some of the things he did. This sort of this just reminds me of junior high.

 

[fart]

i like the way this woman thinks.

i don't like making fun of tards.

priorities? shit.

 

[etiolate]

Rap speaks to the retarded

 

[M3wThr33]

If you think that is the worst one, you didn't read this:

GROSS:

The garbage can is in the middle of the floor. Augusta is squatting over it, completely naked from the waste down, one leg on each side of the trash can. His shoes, socks, pants and underwear are in a pile by the sink. His back is to me, his arms are straight out in front of him, and he is taking a dump.

Should I put that in spoiler tags?

Edit:
An the bird egg eating passage in question:

On our field trip this morning, one of the reetees spotted a birds nest in a big bush. The whole gang tweeted. I cleared some branches out so the kids could take a closer look. There was one little egg in the nest. The kids were in awe. Especially when Jamel, my little Sudanese SBD child asks if he can touch the egg. I let him. He picks the egg up out of the basket and crushes it in his hand. At this, some kids are crying, others are wanting to see the inside. Jamel fucking licks the shit out of his fucking hand, then throws the shell on the ground, and smashes it profusely with his feet.

Last edit?:
Okay, this one is just sad:

Remember Tyler's father, the one who mooned a junior high basketball game? He might be the worst parent ever. His son Tyler is a tard, and thus very impressionable, and his father is impressing very bad things on him. Two examples:

Tyler was sent home Thursday around noon for this: we were doing a unit on Martin Luther King Jr. He announces to the whole class that his Dad said "What is black and yellow and makes you laugh? A bus full of black people rolling over a cliff."

On MLK Jr. Day, my school has the day off, but I ran up to the school to get some papers I need to correct. There were some kids riding their bikes around the parking lot, and one of them is Tyler. I asked him if he was enjoying his day off. This is exactly what he said:

"My dad said that we don't celebrate that troublemakers birthday."

It is almost enough to make my jaded soul sad.

Nope, found another:

The girl passes out the cupcakes, we sing happy birthday to her, and Augusta still had not come back. As the kids begin eating, he finally returns. (note: the cupcakes looked nasty, as they had bright red frosting. But they were made at a bakery, so I did not complain.)

Augusta walks in and sits down at the table. He takes one look at the cupcake and gets so angry that he turns it over and smears it all over the table. He looks at the kid next to him and says "I can't believe you can eat that, it looks like abortion."

This is SO addicting:

Tuesday I finally meet the kid. He is eight years old, blonde hair, blotchy red skin. He should not be in my class. He has severe problems, far beyond anything my class is equipped to deal with. He uses a walker, is pigeon toed, has a hearing aid, drools uncontrollably, and the poor kid has progeria. He is in bad shape. He can do nothing by himself. He loses balance when transferring from his walker to a chair. He falls over like ten times a day.

The worst part is that his mother dresses him like he is Prince Harry. He comes to school everyday in deck shoes, polo sweaters, khaki pants, suede jackets, etc. He is like the retarded Polo poster child.

AHAHAHAHHA!

At this point, everything is chaos. Tyrell is refusing to leave the court. All his teammates are cheering him on, as is DW. He is loving the attention. He then decides to drop his shorts, grab his penis, and tells the entire visiting side of the bleachers to "EAT THIS".

Wow:

On the way back to school the mother stopped at the gas station to purchase gas. I kid you not about this: She seriously pumped 52 cents worth of gas into the van. I was dying inside. I wanted to call every single person I knew right then and tell them about what I had seen.

 

[etiolate]

This morning, as all the kids were unpacking their things, I notice the old new kid was just sitting there, doing nothing. I said to him, "You need to unpack your backpack."

His response to me- "You need to unpack your butt."

PWNED

 

[MrPing1000]

funny in a very uneasy way

 

[MrPing1000]

She comes back a minute later without Augusta. This is exactly what she told me:

"I yelled in and said 'Augusta, what are you doing in there?' In a deep, low mans voice, he says 'Go away, no one is in here.'"

:lol

ohh and :lol at the volunteer jason doing the goodfellas "funny" scene with a tard.

This is a classic example of a highly functioning autistic kid. Later on that same day he asks me "What is the difference between raw sewage and cooked sewage?"

genius

 

[belgurdo]

Jesus

42: Tyler's nose candy:

When Tyler arrives at school today, he is very excited about that snack that he brought. He kept asking me if he could tell me something. I respond with the usual "Does it have to do with the work we are doing right now?" He answers with the usual "No," and we proceed with the days lesson.

Snack time rolls around, the kids who brought their snack get it out of their backpack. I hand out goldfish crackers to the rest. My phone then rings, it is our speech-language pathologist, and it is regarding some important shit. I am on the phone with her for one and a half minutes. I then hang up the phone, and turn back to the tards.

I can't believe what I see: Tyler is snorting Pixie Stick sugar.

He had opened up three little Pixie Sticks (which he knows he is not supposed to bring for snack), had lined up rails of sugar, and was using the paper pixie stick tube to snort the shit with!

I run over to him and snatch the pixie stick from his hand. He says "Hey, what do you think you are doing??" I told him we do not out things in our nose.

He said "I tried to tell you earlier, but you wouldn't let me."

I ask him what he had wanted to tell me. He says, "My dad always snorts stuff, he calls it nose candy. Before he went to jail, he gave me a bunch of my own nose candies, and told me I was allowed to have them at school."

I referred Tyler to our counselor, who will conduct some sort of drug intervention program with him.

 

[MrPing1000]

rlier this week, the new kid's mom brought him a meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch. It contained more food then he could eat in an entire day. There were 3 pieces of chicken, a biscuit, mashed potatoes, pudding and a big ass soda pop.

She set everything up for him; buttered his roll, cut up bites of chicken, put spoons in his pudding and potatoes. She then left. Augusta swooped towards him like a vulture. I was temporarily distracted by questions from the bitchy lunch money lady, and dealt with her for about 5 minutes.

After I deal with her shit, I walk over to the new kid, and notice that his lunch, in its entirety, is gone. Even his soda pop, finished.

I ask him how he ate his lunch so fast. Tyler, who is sitting nearby, points at Augusta, and says, "No he didn't eat it, the Kentucky Fried Fat-Ass over there did."

Tyler is my favourite tard

 

[Meier]

She's not really making fun of them, she's just telling what happened.

Calling the website "tard-blog" is pretty offensive in and of itself. I can't imagine an actual teacher of challenged kids would name it something like that. Pretty sad.

I'm also hoping she is using aliases for these kids.

 

[Tuvoc]

scan for hilarious pictures of retards....

...unsuccessful

 

[RevenantKioku]

He recently said, "wouldn't it be funny if you snuck a camera into Costco and secretly took a bunch of pictures of fat people. Then put them all on a website and call it www.piggiesatcostco.com. [Ed. note-This is not a real website].

Okay, this one just made me fucking roll.

 

[DDayton]

Hmm.. I've taught special ed classes for over two years, and I'm rather glad that this lady should got out of the teaching business. While it's nice that she is was willing to teach kids, constantly whining about the pay while mocking folks behind their backs isn't something I'd expect in any professional special education teacher.

 

[belgurdo]

Hmm.. I've taught special ed classes for over two years, and I'm rather glad that this lady should got out of the teaching business. While it's nice that she is was willing to teach kids, constantly whining about the pay while mocking folks behind their backs isn't something I'd expect in any professional special education teacher.

I also got the impression (after reading about 50 of these entries) that she's like a lot of the education majors I shared many classes with: Not a lot of drive, and she probably just got into teaching because she thought it was going to be easy for the amount of cash she was perceived to be getting, and started whining when she realized the money sucks, teaching is harder than standing in front of a classroom and talking for a hour, and handling MH kids is like being a third parent to them. Still makes for interesting reading though

 

[way more]

This seems like something a character would do from a Chuck Palahniuk story. Except this is real and also very sad.

 

[shoplifter]

It's a boring day - I've got nothing to do
Except to get a load of retards and drive 'em to the zoo

Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2)

Load 'em on a bus just for laughs
Down a winding road stepping on the gas
Down a winding road just daydreaming
Down a winding road with the retards screaming

Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2)

One of them blowing a big spit bubble
Slam on the brakes at the first sign of trouble
Head on collision bodies everywhere
Head on collision retards beware

Oh oh oh takin' retards to the zoo (x2)

yay

 

[M3wThr33]

I wonder if she initially had compassion for the kids and really just dealing with the shit (literally) day after day killed her inner drive for giving a damn and just built up a tolerance.

In any case, she's at least a better person than Tyrell's dad.

 

[RevenantKioku]

I wonder if she initially had compassion for the kids and really just dealing with the shit (literally) day after day killed her inner drive for giving a damn and just built up a tolerance.

In any case, she's at least a better person than Tyrell's dad.

Assuming all the logs are true, I think this is the case, because there's a lot of little things, like singing to calm the one child down in the store, buying $20 worth of stuff for that one girl, and the whole shoe-lunchlady fiasco. But there's also a lot of rage there, and a few things I think are a bit terrible to say, but its not me writing it.

 

[DDayton]

Well, it sounds like it really wasn't her ideal career anyway, so I suppose it all worked out for the best.