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Why Celebrities Are Better Than You, #194: Brad Pitt can fuck like a LION

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B

bishoptl

Banstick Emeritus
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie made so much noise during an animalistic sex session at their Kenyan love nest that security rushed to their room, Star magazine claims. The celeb-obsessed weekly — which breathlessly dubs the Pitt/Jolie affair "the romance of the century" — quotes an insider at the luxury Alfajari Villas beach resort as saying the couple's loud lovemaking "sounded like a wounded animal, like someone being killed!" According to Star, "worried guards grabbed their weapons," rushed to Pitt and Jolie's suite and "hammered furiously on the door with their clubs." Suddenly, the screams stopped, and Pitt's voice was heard from inside the $2,000-a-night villa. "Everything is cool guys," he supposedly said. "You can leave — we're OK." Star reports it found an entry in the Alfajari's "disturbance log" at 2 a.m. on April 20. "People here have great respect for men with sexual prowess who keep their women pleased," the mag quotes an "onlooker." Even better, "another local" relates, "Miss Jolie got so excited, the guards thought maybe Mr. Pitt was taking juju herbs to give him the strength of a lion."
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"You smell that, ladies? Simba ain't got shit on me!"
 
F

FeedMeAStrayCat

Member
impirius said:
"It's made from little pieces of real lion, so you know it's good."
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I'm guessing you know that the original quote involved panthers, and you just replaced it with lions to fit the thread.. just making sure though.. hehe :lol

I'll be honest with you, Bryan.. but that smells like pure gasoline.
 
6

6.8

Member
Better than me, probably. But I'm sure he's no match for GAF's STAMINATOR.



:lol :lol :lol :lol
 
D

dskillzhtown

keep your strippers out of my American football
tedtropy said:
I am Jack's seething jealousy.
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Great reference :lol

I guess he wasn't really acting in that scene. But if I ever got it on with Angelina, I would try my mbest to put up that kind of performance.
 
L

Littleberu

Banned
Biglesworth23 said:
I'm guessing you know that the original quote involved panthers, and you just replaced it with lions to fit the thread.. just making sure though.. hehe :lol

I'll be honest with you, Bryan.. but that smells like pure gasoline.
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60 % of the time, it works everytime.
 
W

whytemyke

Honorary Canadian.
Seriously, it amazes me that Pitt went from fucking one of the hottest girls in hollywood to nailing someone thats EVEN HOTTER. Good for him.

I'm jealous though. I think mortal men would not be able to fuck Angelina Jolie, or they'd spend the next 36 hours crying on the shower floor and then go jump off a skyscraper. Their minds would just be blown.

Time for some puns:

-Guess he remade Snatch, huh?
-Finally got around to showing her a private viewing Oceans Twelve, hm?
-He got naked and she was Gone in Sixty Seconds!
-She got to see what "Two Fisted Tales" meant from his filmography.
-Definitely showed her that he wasn't a Sleeper.
-She really played the Bone Collector that night, didn't she?
-Usually she's Lara Croft, but that night Brad Pitt got to be a Tomb Raider.


....i have no soul.
 
M

mrmyth

Member
whytemyke said:
Seriously, it amazes me that Pitt went from fucking one of the hottest girls in hollywood to nailing someone thats EVEN HOTTER. Good for him.

I'm jealous though. I think mortal men would not be able to fuck Angelina Jolie, or they'd spend the next 36 hours crying on the shower floor and then go jump off a skyscraper. Their minds would just be blown.

Time for some puns:

-Guess he remade Snatch, huh?
-Finally got around to showing her a private viewing Oceans Twelve, hm?
-He got naked and she was Gone in Sixty Seconds!
-She got to see what "Two Fisted Tales" meant from his filmography.
-Definitely showed her that he wasn't a Sleeper.
-She really played the Bone Collector that night, didn't she?
-Usually she's Lara Croft, but that night Brad Pitt got to be a Tomb Raider.


....i have no soul.
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You left out that the fucking sounded like Twelve Monkeys and they fucked for Se7en Years in Tibet

Oh, and when he was done, it felt like A River Runs Through It.
 
M

mrmyth

Member
nitewulf said:
i see he is going up the scale. who's next. doesnt get much better than jolie though.
let me try a pun.

she was hacked!

eh, eh?
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You shut the hell up.



Though when they were finished, it was a Cool World. Then Brad suggested a foursome with Thelma and Louise. Angelina said okay, as long as Brad would Meet Joe Black. Brad said fuck that, he'd rather screw The Mexican. Angelina said what about Troy? Maybe Gia, said Brad. How about Alexander? Brad said bitch if you don't shut up you'll be Pushing Tin.
 
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