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[Litigation Manuel]

I always for some reason put a lot of work into my away messages. I've had some good results, here are a few:

Man, if Salma Hayek were here right now, I'd be all "hey, Salma, what was with Spy Kids 3D?" and she'd say "What do you mean?" I would then continue saying "I mean, why were you in it? I mean, couldn't you have been doing something, I dunno, worthwhile and challenging?" To which she would reply "Trying to make a child happy is quite the challenge." "Touche, Miss Hayek."

Thank you Jesus, for being the frontman of the Pixies. What's that? It wasn't you? Oh, sorry. I am mistaken. (moral of the story: I can talk to Jesus, you can't)

Oppo. (It's a puzzle! Rearrange the scrambled letters to discover the true reason I am away! Hint: not oopp)

Look at that landscape. Okay, now, imagine the outline of it, take away the trees, the mountain, those rocks. Now imagine it as a black line, that outline, in your mind. It looks like Lincoln with a boner, doesn't it!?

"Ladies and gentlemen! I have a confession! I know so many of you have trusted me, but I can deny no longer! ...I don't know what incandescent means." A great cry of shock and displeasure is exhaled by all of the occupants of the room. A man breaks down crying. Another shouts amid the mournful roar, "emitting light! emitting light!" My face twists out a knowledgeable expression, "Oh nevermind, I do now." And then we all had sex. (no we didn't). Yes we did. (no. We didn't.) Oh yeah.


Post some of your own ones or favorites of others.

 

[SlickWilly223]

"I can go to your momma’s and start a small fire in her panties…"

That's all I'll ever use as my away message.

 

[Matlock]

fission mailed





I just :lol @ the livejournalesque ones I'm seeing nowadays from people I know. DRAMA!

 

[AlphaSnake]

I generally keep my away messages short, why do people sometimes write their life stories? I have:

"Upstairs"
"Out"
"BRB, dial the cell if you know it"
"Rawking out on the guitars \m/>_<\m/"
"Long Island"
"What? Huh? Oil? Who said somethin' about oil, bitch? You cookin? ---- Away"

 

[tt_deeb]

I used to do song lyrics but then that got lame so now it's either:

Default away message or "the bun is in your mind"

 

[IAmtheFMan]

I have a few of them that I cycle often since I figure most people that IM me or have my name know my personality:

"I'm so far behind in my classes. Like a midget at a urinal, I'm gonna have to stay on my toes."

"Sleeping, but not naked. That doesn't work for me."

"Sarcasm, what's that?"

"If I had a horse I'd name it Pretty, because horses are pretty."

"Busy like 2 bulimic cheerleaders servicing the football players before the "big game."

 

[AlphaSnake]

I think the funniest away message I've ever read was Eminem's. It was a psuedo eBay feedback away message. I can't remember how it went, but the shit was funny.

 

[impirius]

"I am away from my computer right now."

everyone else is a poser

 

[captmcblack]

"I'm off rocking the suburbs. This may or may not have involved my pants."
"Ladies, this away message may cause breast cancer. Please examine yourself. Record video."
"Busy playing Weezer covers. Will return after 37th tear."
"HADOKEN"
"Rock on, robot kittens!"

 

[bjork]

I usually only put one up when I sleep:

"I feel asleep!

Z
z
Z
z
Z"

 

[demi]

Here's my away message

"I've decided to go to sl++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++"

 

[DJ Sl4m]

"Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I"

"Honk if you love peace & quiet"

"press 'Alt' & 'F4' to buzz me, idiots only need apply"

 

[arter_2]

0110011101101111011011110110010000100000011011100110100101100111011010000111010000100000

good night in binary

 

[bjork]

Here's my away message

"I've decided to go to sl++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++"

shinobi am cry :lol

 

[effzee]

when im showering or something "getting wet"


when im busy playing videgames...."im playing with myself"

 

[keeblerdrow]

"There's always money in the Banana Stand..."

 

[Incognito]

I use only the default away message.

 

[captmcblack]

 

[Boogie9IGN]

'Sleeping/Showering with someone (Don't you wish it was you?)'

People don't understand that you are a person as well!

'Nourishing myself with some (hopefully) tasty dinner'

'School (Badminton practice after)'

'Pissing my pants while playing RE4'

 

[AntoneM]

"looking at porn."

 

[Eminem]

I think the funniest away message I've ever read was Eminem's. It was a psuedo eBay feedback away message. I can't remember how it went, but the shit was funny.

Complaint : Buyer won auction but did not send payment
Response by AngryGodOfJebus: son was killed in a car crash, extremely insensitive and impatient seller

 

[Lambtron]

Oot and aboot.

 

[AlphaSnake]

Complaint : Buyer won auction but did not send payment
Response by AngryGodOfJebus: son was killed in a car crash, extremely insensitive and impatient seller

YES!

 

[Miguel]

[What I named my away message]
"Away message."
{where I got it from}

[i,MiG]
"Welcome back to my ongoing arguement with the whole wide world."
{Max Kellerman's introduction to i,Max on Fox Sports Net}

[MiGBusters]
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own."
{Adam Savage in the Car Axle episode of Mythbusters, on Discovery Channel}

[Playoffs!] (I was a bit off)

IND\
NE /-> NE \
           > NE \
NYJ\-> PIT/      \   SB XXXIX
PIT/              \  CHAMPION
                   > Patriots
STL\              /
ATL/-> ATL\      /
           > ATL/
MIN\-> PHI/
PHI/

{I was bored and made my predictions. Stupid Atlanta.}

 

[Archaix]

I generally use one word descriptions of where I am, but on occasion I go with one of two Venture Bros quotes:

When am asleep and actually want to sleep:

I'm going to turn around now and you better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me. Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this.

And a general-purpose message:

Why is it every time I need to get somewhere we get waylaid by jackassery?

 

[robox]

"i may or may not be here" or an out right "not here"

 

[Anthropic]

I wanted things that were obscure, yet interesting for my away messages, so I used quotes from Laurie Anderson songs.

When I'm asleep:

It's a sky-blue sky. Satellites are out tonight.
-Laurie Anderson, "Let X=X"

I'm probably asleep.

My general "not here" message:

Hi. I'm not home right now. But if you want to leave a message, just start talking at the sound of the tone.
-Laurie Anderson, "O Superman"

I'm currently away.

 

[pestul]

I'm the dreaded.. 'appears to be online all the time' dude, but I'm only really online 2% of the time. >: D

 

[fse]

"You Forgot Poland"

 

[boredJonathan]

The only one that I use beyond the default one is the one that is going up now.

"To sleep, perchance to dream-
ay, there's the rub."

--From Hamlet (III, i, 65-68)

"A-ha!! I knew I had some rub."

-- From MST3K (1009- Hamlet)

 

[Teknopathetic]

Remember way back,
when I was smokin' crack,
you were working the corner,
selling that ass
and I took that rusty pipe
and gave your head that gash
then took all your cash
and spent it on smack?

I feel bad about that.
Not really, but yeah.

 

[kablooey]

a few I have saved and some that I often use:

"procrasturbating"

"everything's up in the air at this point"

"REPEEEEEENT!"

"Feeling pulled apart by horses"

f_eelz, I'm gonna have to steal yours.

I really can't stand people who put emo shite into their profiles and expect people to take it seriously. Even worse when they just use some cryptic numbers or initials or such. Yuck.

 

[Rorschach]

[i,MiG]
"Welcome back to my ongoing arguement with the whole wide world."
{Max Kellerman's introduction to i,Max on Fox Sports Net}

I, Max totally sucks nuts in a handbasket.

 

[Eminem]

I, Max totally sucks nuts in a handbasket.

:lol :lol

These 4 things I KNOW are true....

 

[Dice]

I'll use scripture a lot, but other than that....

"I'm straight off da heezy. Dont bust a cap, I'll holla back when I be rollin in da hood, aaight dawg?"
(this one has to be offensive to somebody)

"I <3 you!"

"I love my friends so much! for serious!
EEYYAAAAAAHHH!!! <--- passionate cry

p.s. leave me love messages"

"Lesson 30: Defending Against The Club Attack
Should you have the misfortune of being attacked by someone wielding a club, the best course of action is to run. There is no dishonor in running from a man with a leathal weapon; this is merely good sense"
(Mint Royale reference)

"For the next couple hours my name shall be Nappy McNappington"

"Taking a nap. I love you all so much,

Give me a call if you want to talk, I love you more than sleep."

"Ice has covered up my parents hands
don't have any dreams don't have any plans.
Growin' up in some strange storm,
nobody's cold, nobody's warm.

I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are dyin' out in the snow,
look at them go, look at them go!

And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.

What's the plan?

Is it a dream? Is it a lie?
I think I'll let you decide.
Just light a candle for the kids,
Jesus Christ don't keep it hid!

Cause nothin's hid, from us kids!
You ain't foolin' nobody with the lights out!

And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.
And there's something wrong in the heart of man,
you take it from your heart and put it in your hand!"

"*sings*
sleep sleep sleep
I love sleep
lay down my head
put it on my pillow"
(anchorman reference)

"I am Solid Snake!
I am very sneakery!"
(went with a series of photoshops I made)

"The following statements may or may not be true by varying degrees of truosity. If you would like a truometer to get readings on each individual statement, it would probably be better to just ask me if they are or not."

 

[automagnus]

"I am negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages" (pooter)

"Dropping the kids off into the pool"(pooter)