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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
stn
Member
First of all, no plan does not equal disaster. You don't need an elaborate plan. All I do for first dates is go for coffee. Sooo, ice skating and Mexican seems like a step up. Why would you bail? Also, have you ever considered that you may have redeeming qualities since she has agreed to go out with you? Shitttttttttt, maybe you were wrong all this time? I don't have a valentine and yet you don't see me saying everyone on GAF is going to die alone. The only problem with this whole date is you'll go back to morbid depression if it doesn't work out, when the SECRET to dating is constantly trying until you succeed.
Have fun, stop insulting yourself, and just go with the flow. And remember to ONLY BE POSITIVE at the date.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Dude, they're being unsupportive and live under a rock. In your heart of hearts, you really want to go.
Don't regret it man. Be your own person; they don't need to know nor should they shape your decisions. Therefore,
Oh brother. Dude, you're over thinking about it and putting this girl on a pedestal. Remember that she's human like everyone else.
To echo everyone else, you're already setting yourself up for failure with these thoughts. I hope things go well for you but I wouldn't be surprised if you bail out with an excuse and post on GAF from a bathroom like another GAF member did in the past.
You don't really need a "plan" for a first date. Anyway, nothing that could give you a headache or make you panic.
You know what I did on my first date? I picked a restaurant(nothing too fancy, just "pick your own pasta and sauce" kind of restaurant), we ate and talk, I offered to pay for her meal(even if she said i didn't need to) and we went back to my apartment to do...stuff. She's now my girlfriend(first one too mind you) since last August and we both never been happier.
The most important thing to do with a date (i think) is to simply smile and be honest. Oh, and make some dumb jokes once in a while too if the opportunity arise and if you see that she's interested in talking with you. Nothing vulgar or immature i mean, just... dumb jokes that are good for a laugh. I do this often with my girlfriend and its one of the things she loves about me.
Don't worry about being nervous, everyone is nervous with dates. She probably expect you to be nervous and she will be too. Don't overthink about this. As long as you smile, stay honest, try to make a few jokes, and avoid the gloomy attitude that you usually have on this thread, you have good chances of meeting with her again, assuming you have some common interests that is.
The only thing you have to hope for is that she's a nice and sweet girl. Not a kind of girl that's... how can i say... irritating when things doesn't go the way she wants and have little patience with "newbies" in dating. I was lucky enough with my first date to be with the former.
Do you have any infos about her, or are you heading into the complete unknown? That might not help...
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
Don't do it, man. Even if the date doesn't go well, it's a huge step in the right direction. Ice skating sounds awesome. I don't even have the balls to try for a second meeting, forget a date, with the chick I'm into, so you're a step ahead of me.
GO. Ice skating is the perfect opportunity for both of you to fall all over each other!
Unless she's an Olympic figure skater. Is she an Olympic figure skater?
I have a date on Valentines! With a bottle of wine and my PS3 (Last of Us DLC lol).
The Artful Dodger
Member
GO. Ice skating is the perfect opportunity for both of you to fall all over each other!
Unless she's an Olympic figure skater. Is she an Olympic figure skater?
I have a date on Valentines! With a bottle of wine and my PS3 (Last of Us DLC lol).
Ha, good stuff. I'm figure on buyin' a bottle of Bourbon and cooking myself a steak.
Bambi became the alpha male though.I once went on a date with a girl that was wayy better at ice skating than I was.
She was going backwards and criss-crossing and shit and I looked like
But then she held both of my hands (keeping me balanced) while skating around the rink.
Good way to get physical.
Not a bad thing man.
Finally found interest in someone else through online dating after my first experience moving and falling hard, fucking up, and becoming a friend.
We met at a coffee shop on a Sunday and talked for a couple of hours. She msged me the night before on POF and we hit it off. This past Sunday I took her to see Lego Movie and we ate dinner afterwards. I asked her if I could make her dinner this Thursday night and she said let's ignore the fact it's Valentines Day and do it Friday.
So, I have a date on Valentine's Day, I mean Friday.
She talked about how much she liked pulled pork and being from around Memphis, I'm thinking of making Memphis style pulled pork in the slow cooker, cole slaw and banana pudding. Should go over well I think.
We met at a coffee shop on a Sunday and talked for a couple of hours. She msged me the night before on POF and we hit it off. This past Sunday I took her to see Lego Movie and we ate dinner afterwards. I asked her if I could make her dinner this Thursday night and she said let's ignore the fact it's Valentines Day and do it Friday.
So, I have a date on Valentine's Day, I mean Friday.
She talked about how much she liked pulled pork and being from around Memphis, I'm thinking of making Memphis style pulled pork in the slow cooker, cole slaw and banana pudding. Should go over well I think.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
hell naw
bigfunkychiken
Member
Hah, noooo, nobody does when skating casually.
TheVampire
Banned
Ive been chatting with this girl online for about 2 weeks and our first date is tomorrow.
We get along really well, like the same things and she said I was cute.
Usually my dates I arrange online are usually just 6-7 emails and then a meet up.
But a lot dont work out and I dont get a second date.
But I was thinking because Ive already kinda built up a good relationship with this girl and we have been chatting a lot, not just sending a few emails like with other girls, do you think this makes her have more of an incentive to want to pursue things with me? Its not like with other girls who I think might just feel ok we had our first date but I think Ill pass on this guy. We only sent a few emails back and forward anyway.
We get along really well, like the same things and she said I was cute.
Usually my dates I arrange online are usually just 6-7 emails and then a meet up.
But a lot dont work out and I dont get a second date.
But I was thinking because Ive already kinda built up a good relationship with this girl and we have been chatting a lot, not just sending a few emails like with other girls, do you think this makes her have more of an incentive to want to pursue things with me? Its not like with other girls who I think might just feel ok we had our first date but I think Ill pass on this guy. We only sent a few emails back and forward anyway.
Aw yiss.
I'm sure I'll add some chocolate in there somewhere.
Who am I kidding? I absolutely will be adding some chocolate in there.
I would say be hopeful, but keep your expectations in check.
ChubbyHuggs
Member
I really feel like not having a working car is killing my groove. I see someone I like and I want to flirt with them, then I break into a conversation in my head. It always ends with me saying they'd have to pick me up if we went out to eat...
So, baked cinnamon rolls today and took the extras over to the girls in the other apartment. It went mostly well. They told me how sweet it was and we talked a bit about maintenance stuff going on in the building before I left. Also got a text later telling me how good they were and thanking me again.
I had the typical reaction to this encounter that I do in any social situation. I overthought every moment and was terrified I was somehow being creepy for like half an hour after. I consciously know that nothing I did was even remotely creepy, nor has there ever been a situation where I believe I was creepy, but that worry is always there in every social situation. Especially true when interacting with women. It's something I'm slowly getting over, but that kind of overthinking has definitely held me back socially.
I had the typical reaction to this encounter that I do in any social situation. I overthought every moment and was terrified I was somehow being creepy for like half an hour after. I consciously know that nothing I did was even remotely creepy, nor has there ever been a situation where I believe I was creepy, but that worry is always there in every social situation. Especially true when interacting with women. It's something I'm slowly getting over, but that kind of overthinking has definitely held me back socially.
Anticitizen One
Banned
so I'm moving to Orange County, CA soon and was wondering what are the good areas/spots to meet single women?
grap3fruitman
Banned
Being myself would mean bailing.
You must've missed the years I've posted in these threads saying I'm deathly afraid of a girl saying "Yes" because it never happened before. Guess what? Now it happened and I'm freaking out. What else would I do?
It's because she doesn't know much about me that she's willing to go out. If she knew me better, she wouldn't want anything to do with me, like every other woman.
Honestly, we'll probably still end up all alone. The fact that we're in here and giving each other feedback on basic social interaction shows that we're not in a good place with that. We'll have to rename the thread to "Single Fifty-Year-Old GAF | OT" in a few decades.
I once went on a date with a girl that was wayy better at ice skating than I was.
She was going backwards and criss-crossing and shit and I looked like
But then she held both of my hands (keeping me balanced) while skating around the rink.
Good way to get physical.
This happened when I was 18. We weren't on date but I went to my crush's birthday thing at an ice skating rink and I constantly fell on my arse. In the end I think she took pity on my and held my hand around the ice skating rink and it was the greatest minute of my life. Was so careful not to fall over. Anyway I never told her how I felt and she ended up making out with the biggest wanker in our year on prom night. Its so funny looking back on how pathetic I was back then though.
AdventureRacing
Member
If this is your first date it's perfectly legitimate to feel anxious (especially when you have social anxiety). But you can't keep bailing forever if you want to get anywhere. Eventually you've got to put yourself out there and actually experience this type of situation or you will always fear it.
Just don't go in there with to many expectations. Get a brief idea of what you're going to do (dinner and ice skating is better than most 1st dates) and just try and have some fun. Maybe you guys will click maybe you won't but it will be a new experience and one you can learn from whilst hopefully having a good time.
stn
Member
So, what, you're not willing to make effort even when its right in front of you? You'd rather help yourself fail and then come whine about it? Seriously, you need a slap in the face. You complain nonstop and act rude to people because you're single, and then when some girl wants to give you a chance you find something ELSE to whine about.
Just because you're not in a good place doesn't mean everyone else here isn't. I can tell you right now that I know some members here who have very healthy relationships and/or sex lives. But, I'm not surprised you'd make that assumption given that you have absolutely nothing positive to say. Ever.
I don't even think you're depressed. I think you're just bitter and want to blame everyone for it. You just want people to dislike you because you *think* they've disliked you for all this time and are the reason why you're single.
GAF is not the reason you're single, buddy.
If you want advice on dating, you're free to ask here, that's what the thread is for. But please keep the rest of your pessimistic and negative attitude towards everything else the fuck out of this thread. Just because you're not making any progress, or putting in the tiniest bit of effort into making any progress, doesn't mean nobody else is.
There's plenty of people who improve a lot, partly with help from this thread, myself included. Those who struggle with it really aren't helped by your completely counter-productive and self estructive posts. Please pull that shit somewhere else.
vicissitudes
Banned
Reminds me of this scene in Crazy, Stupid Love:
HalfBakedProphet
Member
I know stn and minamu (among others) have dedicated an extensive amount of time trying to build grap3 up. He's been given solid advice at almost every turn and either ignored it or rationalized it away. He was on GAF four and a half years ago trashing dating advice, lamenting that nothing works and its best just to accept fate. Yet he's been here on and off for all those years saying that he wants to date and is lonely. He's in extreme denial.
The best thing he could do is get help. He's has a great deal of baggage he needs to work through and therapy would be a fantastic start. He doesn't need to be dating, he doesn't need to be in a relationship, he doesn't need internet advice. His entire existence and ego is set upon a foundation of shifting sand. Any progress he makes will be undermined by his low self worth. Like I said, Combine was perma'd for the exact same behavior of being ungrateful and blaming the people trying to help him for his problems. Grap3 doesn't need GAF and GAF can't help grap3
The best thing he could do is get help. He's has a great deal of baggage he needs to work through and therapy would be a fantastic start. He doesn't need to be dating, he doesn't need to be in a relationship, he doesn't need internet advice. His entire existence and ego is set upon a foundation of shifting sand. Any progress he makes will be undermined by his low self worth. Like I said, Combine was perma'd for the exact same behavior of being ungrateful and blaming the people trying to help him for his problems. Grap3 doesn't need GAF and GAF can't help grap3
grap3fruitman
Banned
The only "help" I've gotten is people telling me to "get help." And never detailing what that is. You don't know. Don't give non-advice and then pretend like you went to the moon for me.
"Oh, you have cancer? You need to not have cancer. Good luck!"
"I still have cancer."
"You ungrateful shit! I told you what to do!"
"Oh, you have cancer? You need to not have cancer. Good luck!"
"I still have cancer."
"You ungrateful shit! I told you what to do!"
Really now? You just read/see what you want to see and you focus on the negatives. For example, I tried to give advice that wasn't just "get help", and still you act like I said nothing.
But hey, maybe i'll be one of those guys too, and tell you to see a (good) therapist since dating should be the least of your worries.
AdventureRacing
Member
There has been a lot more advice then that given to you over the years. These threads are filled with advice for people in your situation and often aimed at you in particular. Some of it useful some of it not so much but it's all intended in a positive way.
Telling you to get help is the best advice you could receive. There is only so much that can be achieved getting advice from people on an internet forum. Firstly because most people here aren't really qualified to help but also because we don't have all the information and can't talk to you first hand.
If you honestly feel that way i don't understand why you have stuck around in this thread for so many years. It's unfair and selfish to expect someone to change just because you offer help. On the flip side though if the advice is unwanted and you think it's worthless why even stick around?
I'm a nurse and if i thought someone had a health problem like that i would tell them to go see a doctor and get real help. That's what is happening here, people are telling you to get help from sources that are more qualified than ourselves to give exactly that.
If the person in the example above chose not to get help for their condition i would have still have sympathy for them but ultimately that is on them.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
You don't like the answers you've been given. That's not our fault. Go get your shit together. We can only baby you so much before we feel we're being led on or taken for a ride, so that's it for me - hope you find what you want somewhere other than here.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I told myself I shouldn't engage with you anymore following our last exchange in which you totally missed the advice/help that I suggested, despite the fact that others were clearly able to grasp what I was saying. That conversation made me realize that our exchange wasn't an anomaly. Others have given you lots of good advice too, and you either choose to ignore it on purpose, or are just unable to process what they are telling you.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
I just read the recent posts from grap3.
Go on the date.
You two are both lonely, and it will be Valentine's Day.
Just do it. Walk in it with zero expectations.
As for Mexican recommendations, I don't know any downtown. There are a couple places in Evanston.
You're pretty much guilt-tripping and insulting every response you don't like. That's a huge turn off to anyone. You need to learn what you're doing is wrong. Otherwise, you are not a learner and just a stubborn person. In fact, you're unhappy that you want to control people's responses to you (i.e. extremely manipulative). Eww.
Really sounds like you have social anxiety. You have a date.
Go on the date.
You two are both lonely, and it will be Valentine's Day.
Just do it. Walk in it with zero expectations.
As for Mexican recommendations, I don't know any downtown. There are a couple places in Evanston.
You're pretty much guilt-tripping and insulting every response you don't like. That's a huge turn off to anyone. You need to learn what you're doing is wrong. Otherwise, you are not a learner and just a stubborn person. In fact, you're unhappy that you want to control people's responses to you (i.e. extremely manipulative). Eww.
Really sounds like you have social anxiety. You have a date.
depths20XX
Member
Just act exactly how you do on here on your date grap3dudeman, it's gonna go great for you.
Your reading and respnding has been very selective. On page 276 I pretty much laid out a plan for you to follow to try and enjoy life more. Offered help via PM. Same thing on page 278. I spent more posts replying to you then to anyone else. Not to prove I'm right, but to try to help you. Yes, it does come across as ungrateful when you tell me I didn't put any effort into trying to help you. Everybody here has given the best advice they can give, and went out of their way for you. And apparently that just isn't enough for you. So it appears we have nothing to offer you.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
The best course of action to keep from dogpiling too much, whether or not it feels like it is justified, is to put someone on ignore. This way everyone gets what they want instead of trying to string someone up.
A V card should be fine, as long as you are not bringing up the abusive relationship in anyway or try to make a light joke about it in your card.
Hey guys I'm awful, and I can never get a girl. This is the reason I'm depressed
Gets a chance with a girl
Guys my chance at possibly being happy is right in front of me, I think I'm going to bail.
Dude just go on the date
Nah, you guys give horrible advice, I hope you all die alone.
Gets a chance with a girl
Guys my chance at possibly being happy is right in front of me, I think I'm going to bail.
Dude just go on the date
Nah, you guys give horrible advice, I hope you all die alone.
stn
Member
@claviertekky
Me, personally? I wouldn't send a card but would rather just send a quick Facebook message or whatever. Reason being is the girl might assume you like her based on the card, and nowadays people will use any excuse to view someone as "creepy". Then again, I could be overreacting heavily. If you like the girl, ask her out nice and blunt. If not, send the card but keep it very light-hearted and simple.
Me, personally? I wouldn't send a card but would rather just send a quick Facebook message or whatever. Reason being is the girl might assume you like her based on the card, and nowadays people will use any excuse to view someone as "creepy". Then again, I could be overreacting heavily. If you like the girl, ask her out nice and blunt. If not, send the card but keep it very light-hearted and simple.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Alright alright! Enough dogpiling, let's be constructive from here on out! Use the ignore function!
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol. Exactly. Just cause someone's behavior is a bit frustrating no need to bury the guy. Just move on.
I'm not sure, aren't valentine cards mostly sent to people you love, or want to show you're interested in a date or whatever? Even if he send this as a friendly gesture, she may think about it the other way around, and with an abusive relationship just around the corner, she might not be in the state of mind for anything related to Valentine's day.
It might just be better to go see her in person, and say something like "If you need help or support, i'm here for you". It's a friendly gesture, but with nothing related to Valentine's day, no?
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