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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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n64coder said:
Why is that the case? Is it because more men tend to be more tech savvy and have a higher online presence on dating sites? Is it like taking a elec engineering course where the ratio of M to W is like 40 to 1?
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I don't think its got anything to do with men being more tech savvy, its just that men are "hungrier" for it I guess. I know girls are "hungry" too but I would say women in general can pretty much have it when they want, this definitely isn't the case for most men.

I know that was a big generalisation but every women I have known over the years has had no shortage of men that would be willing to go out with them, I can't say this for every man I have known.

I hope my use of the term "hungry" doesn't get taken the wrong way lol
 
Charlie McCarthy said:
I don't think its got anything to do with men being more tech savvy, its just that men are "hungrier" for it I guess. I know girls are "hungry" too but I would say women in general can pretty much have it when they want, this definitely isn't the case for most men.

I know that was a big generalisation but every women I have known over the years has had no shortage of men that would be willing to go out with them, I can't say this for every man I have known.

I hope my use of the term "hungry" doesn't get taken the wrong way lol
Click to expand...

Lets use the word thirsty instead
 
Charlie McCarthy said:
I know that was a big generalisation but every women I have known over the years has had no shortage of men that would be willing to go out with them, I can't say this for every man I have known.
Click to expand...

That's definitely not true. When I was dating my wife, she had a bunch of girlfriends who were looking for a nice guy to date and lamenting that they weren't getting asked out or couldn't find one. No, they were not overweight & unattractive.

It's a matter of identifying and matching up two people who have an attraction for each other. That's the hard part but you can increase your odds by meeting more people.

I used to do that by doing activities (e.g, cooking classes) that I enjoyed that had a larger ratio of women. My cousin did the same by doing activities like biking/skiing in order to meet more men.
 
I'd say that there is still a bit of a fear/trust factor going on with women wanting to try dating online too. For us guys, we create an account and we go looking for a someone to date. We don't really think that much about it, but every woman I know who has tried online dating has at least had to take a pause and consider it a bit because of the fear of the dangers of meeting someone that they don't know. The stigma for online dating is long gone these days, but for a lot of women it is still a scary prospect.
 
n64coder said:
That's definitely not true. When I was dating my wife, she had a bunch of girlfriends who were looking for a nice guy to date and lamenting that they weren't getting asked out or couldn't find one. No, they were not overweight & unattractive.

It's a matter of identifying and matching up two people who have an attraction for each other. That's the hard part but you can increase your odds by meeting more people.

I used to do that by doing activities (e.g, cooking classes) that I enjoyed that had a larger ratio of women. My cousin did the same by doing activities like biking/skiing in order to meet more men.
Click to expand...

Well I can only speak from my own experience, but something you said sticks out here. "Lamenting that they weren't getting asked out or couldn't find one". That's probably true but if they asked guys out I bet a lot would go out with them. Also good looking to average women get approached a lot so they can afford to be more picky.

Kung Fu Jedi said:
I'd say that there is still a bit of a fear/trust factor going on with women wanting to try dating online too. For us guys, we create an account and we go looking for a someone to date. We don't really think that much about it, but every woman I know who has tried online dating has at least had to take a pause and consider it a bit because of the fear of the dangers of meeting someone that they don't know. The stigma for online dating is long gone these days, but for a lot of women it is still a scary prospect.
Click to expand...

This is a good point too, it can be pretty dangerous for women as it is an easy way for men with not so good intentions to find women
 
^ I know its ironic and all but we should avoid this. Simply because we want to foster the most positive community we can here. Hopefully, through offering positive advice to others grap3man will believe it more and more for himself. Its true that some people may be more qualified to give certain advice but it would be great to hear other's insight regardless.

@grap3man

Is Crushee free? Will check it out if yes.

@Charlie

Thank you for the heavy endorsement. :) But really, all the core members here know their stuff. I've relied on some of them for advice as well and would place my trust in them if I was a new member seeking advice. But yes, thanks very much.

Gonna browse the thread and see what I've missed from others, there may be a huge edit in this spot.

EDIT: Women are horny as hellll, they just don't make it known as early as men do (you ladies are freaks, you can't fool me :D). In terms of online dating they just have many more options. I get about 3 messages a day and I consider that A LOT for a guy, while women can get 40+. I used to think I barely got messaged but time changed this. I'm fairly lenient and sympathetic to girls online because they have to weed through a lot of crap. Basically, all the weird and idiotic men make it harder for the rest of us. Online dating is not a man's market, way too much competition. Also, the fact that its online can lead to problems with communication, misinterpretation, and so forth.

This is why I almost never message. Its just tiresome. If I DO message a girl it means I am really into her and just want to see what's up. I probably message one girl every 2 months or so, maybe even longer.
 
stn said:
^ I know its ironic and all but we should avoid this. Simply because we want to foster the most positive community we can here. Hopefully, through offering positive advice to others grap3man will believe it more and more for himself. Its true that some people may be more qualified to give certain advice but it would be great to hear other's insight regardless..
Click to expand...

You're right of course, but the iron was just too much to take.
 
n64coder said:
As others say, maybe she doesn't like texting? If you want to connect with her before a date, how about picking up the phone and chatting for a few minutes? Maybe that will go better?



Yes, I honestly think she is old fashioned and doesn't like texting. She gives me as little information as possible and that's it. But old fashioned? Yes, we're both in our late 40's and she's southern. She wants the guy to be a gentleman. It's almost like I've been courting her in a way. So she's more of a phone call person but can never get her by phone, but she does call me back.
Click to expand...
 
stn said:
I get about 3 messages a day and I consider that A LOT for a guy, while women can get 40+. I used to think I barely got messaged but time changed this.
Click to expand...

I still think you guys are lying about this. :p When I was on POF and OKC, I got about two a week.

Seriously, I must have been super unappealing apparently :p
 
dochuge said:
Yes, I honestly think she is old fashioned and doesn't like texting. She gives me as little information as possible and that's it. But old fashioned? Yes, we're both in our late 40's and she's southern. She wants the guy to be a gentleman. It's almost like I've been courting her in a way. So she's more of a phone call person but can never get her by phone, but she does call me back.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter if you're old or young but I think a lot of people resist change. I'm a technologist so I'm always trying out new stuff but I've given up trying to change others.

I will use texting for short messages but I will not carry out long conversations unless I'm in a place that is not conducive to talking.

Since you're in your 40s, have you found that your dating pool is much bigger than in your 20s/30s because you can date women in their 30s/40s. Or do you still prefer to stick closer to your age?
 
@Leeness

That I get 3 messages? I mean, there could be a day when I get zero - heck, even two days in a row with zero. Then I get 5+ on the third day. It happens, I have my dry moments. The 3 is an estimation of mine. I put up my very best pic and just answer the questions every time I have a drought. Answering them puts you at the "top" of the main page for a short while, gives you more exposure. Always seems to work, I'm getting almost 100 visitors a week. If I go answer questions RIGHT NOW I'm sure I can get it to 100+ (most I ever had was 150).

As for you? I've seen your pics, you're hot. If I lived anywhere near you I'd take you for a coffee (or two...or three). I don't think that's what stops some guys, its more likely your approach. If you have in your profile that you're only looking for friends, well, you'll turn some guys off (for the record, I wouldn't message any girl with that in her profile). Nobody is doing online dating to make friends. 99% of the people who say they are only say it so they don't look like they're needy for a relationship. If I wanted "friends" I'd reply to all the girls who message me out of the US and the even other parts of the world that I don't live in.

If you want to succeed at online dating then figure out if dating is what you want and change your approach. Its not because you're "unappealing" or whatever false ideas you've planted into your head.
 
Do you want me to make an OKC profile for you? I'll tell you which pic to use and what to put in the bio. The offer is there if you're interested! I've seen your pic in another thread before and vaguely remember what you look like, you can pull it off.
 
stn said:
Do you want me to make an OKC profile for you? I'll tell you which pic to use and what to put in the bio. The offer is there if you're interested! I've seen your pic in another thread before and vaguely remember what you look like, you can pull it off.
Click to expand...

I'd be totally down for this.
 
stn said:
Do you want me to make an OKC profile for you? I'll tell you which pic to use and what to put in the bio. The offer is there if you're interested! I've seen your pic in another thread before and vaguely remember what you look like, you can pull it off.
Click to expand...

Can you just link us yours?
 
n64coder said:
It doesn't matter if you're old or young but I think a lot of people resist change. I'm a technologist so I'm always trying out new stuff but I've given up trying to change others.

I will use texting for short messages but I will not carry out long conversations unless I'm in a place that is not conducive to talking.

Since you're in your 40s, have you found that your dating pool is much bigger than in your 20s/30s because you can date women in their 30s/40s. Or do you still prefer to stick closer to your age?
Click to expand...


She describes herself as old fashioned. One time I called and she didn't call me back until the next day. She told me she was having a "technology free day" and turned off her cell phone. Her texts are just so random. I will text at 6 PM and get a response 3 PM the next day. Not over a question I asked her, but a comment. Um, couldn't she text me a little sooner? What gives? Maybe she thinks it's just no big deal, and not understanding of texting etiquette. Or she'll text me first but will only text back for like 5 minutes, and then she's gone.

As for dating, I have an age range of about 35 to 55. Yes, I've dated quite a few women older than me, I'm cool with that. Anything under 35 and it gets weird. I've found most women that age aren't accepting of a guy like me who's in his late 40's. Youngest I've dated is 41. Oldest was 54. This one that I'm exclusive with is actually slightly older than me, 11 months. I like her so much more than any one I've dated, about 20 women last year total. I really want this to work out but her erratic texting quite frankly makes me a little uneasy. But she's ALWAYS been this way so maybe that's the bright side I need to look at. She's quirky at texting and that's all.
 
stn said:
@Leeness

That I get 3 messages? I mean, there could be a day when I get zero - heck, even two days in a row with zero. Then I get 5+ on the third day. It happens, I have my dry moments. The 3 is an estimation of mine. I put up my very best pic and just answer the questions every time I have a drought. Answering them puts you at the "top" of the main page for a short while, gives you more exposure. Always seems to work, I'm getting almost 100 visitors a week. If I go answer questions RIGHT NOW I'm sure I can get it to 100+ (most I ever had was 150).

As for you? I've seen your pics, you're hot. If I lived anywhere near you I'd take you for a coffee (or two...or three). I don't think that's what stops some guys, its more likely your approach. If you have in your profile that you're only looking for friends, well, you'll turn some guys off (for the record, I wouldn't message any girl with that in her profile). Nobody is doing online dating to make friends. 99% of the people who say they are only say it so they don't look like they're needy for a relationship. If I wanted "friends" I'd reply to all the girls who message me out of the US and the even other parts of the world that I don't live in.

If you want to succeed at online dating then figure out if dating is what you want and change your approach. Its not because you're "unappealing" or whatever false ideas you've planted into your head.
Click to expand...

That women get hundreds of messages :p

And I don't want to succeed anymore so I don't mind! Haha. But I felt so bad about it all the time when I cared because it was like...man. Even when I had "I want to date!!!" on there, very few.

But I don't have the accounts anymore, I don't want to date, all is well.

I was just pointing out that I still think women getting stuffed inboxes every day is crap. :p

electricshake said:
I was pretty much the same.
Click to expand...

Yay! High five (?)!
 
stn said:
Do you want me to make an OKC profile for you? I'll tell you which pic to use and what to put in the bio. The offer is there if you're interested! I've seen your pic in another thread before and vaguely remember what you look like, you can pull it off.
Click to expand...
I had one for over two years. When I asked if GAF would do that for me last time, I was mocked. =/
 
faridmon said:
Well, comes from a Muslim background.
Click to expand...

If you're not desperate for intimacy and she's not a boring person to be around, it could work out.

I dated a girl who was a stick in my mud, self identified as a family first, god fearing Conservative, and managed to piss off every friend I brought her around. I dumped her after she got into an argument with a gay friend of mine about the "lifestyle" she chose after a trip bowling.
You'd think she would have at least the courtesy to not say anything.

Honestly, YMMV. If she's ultra conservative, be a gentleman and do only very PG dates. See how comfortable she feels around you.
 
faridmon said:
Well, comes from a Muslim background.
Click to expand...

Oh that may not be that bad then. It's only a pain if you're looking for something to happen quick. I'd just go into it, be a gentleman about shit, and take your time, if it lasts to two or three dates both of you will have decided by then if it's something worth pursuing.

But that's just me. Do what you feel man.
 
@vicissitudes
Sure, I'll do it. PM me.

@oxn
I'd prefer not to post it in public so PM me and I'll share.

@grap3fruit
Is that a yes or no?

Anyway, got a lil' story of my own to tell. Its a bit weird in a way but it is what it is. I asked a few members on here what I should do, actually. Well, I knew what I should do but I was hesitant in pulling the trigger and wanted others to re-affirm my thoughts.

The story goes that I messaged one girl some time ago with a really dumb message. She didn't reply but kept viewing my profile. I assumed she was either shy, didn't get my message but saw that I viewed her, or just a bit weird. :D

So, I did what I've never done before - I messaged a second time (broke my first rule). But...it worked. She wrote a long reply full of nice humor and banter. So, I replied. I didn't hear anything for a month and by that point I got her completely out of my mind. Her message even got shuffled to the next page because of the other messages.

One morning I log on and...a reply. I get another long essay with what sounds like a sincere apology. See, here's the thing. I firmly believe that if a girl wants to message a guy, she'll find a way. Period. BUT, I always give ONE free pass to girls online because something similar actually happened to me (I didn't realize that another girl replied, by the time I did it was too late and she ignored). Not to mention I know girls who get MANY messages a day and it can be quite cumbersome.

Anyway, some days have passed and my last reply has gone unanswered. So, I decided that I wasn't feeling mutual interest and sent her a short and polite message saying to move on. I consulted some GAF'ers on how long they thought I should wait, but really, after the one-month fiasco I shouldn't even have to wait a full day (as a matter of principle). I'm not mad because the reality is she owes me nothing. But, if I'm interested in a girl then I'll make it known. And I never waste time messaging or replying to girls I'm disinterested in. It might sound "harsh" but its better than stringing people along.

There are some parts of it all that strike me as odd, such as the long messages and the fact that she could have just stayed quiet after the month passed but chose to message again. Like I said, I moved on by that time. Obviously there could be a million reasons for whatever happened but we all know I refuse to speculate on that shit.

In the end, I need to stop breaking my rules and making exceptions. I've been living on them for years for a reason.

/life story.

EDIT:

@faridmon

Are you Muslim? I'm a Christian and I tried making it work with a Muslim girl. Pretty sure her family would have killed me and disowned her. That's my only experience with it, I've only looked at Christian girls ever since.
 
Leeness said:
I still think you guys are lying about this. :p When I was on POF and OKC, I got about two a week.

Seriously, I must have been super unappealing apparently :p
Click to expand...
I've seen it with my own eyes. Even in my backwater town, my lady friends can get around 40+ messages in 24 hours on Badoo. Could be a hundred reasons why it didn't happen to you :/
 
Thanks guys. The thing is, I don't think she sees it as ''dating'' whenever I invite her out, and since I am awful at reading situations and whatnot, I highly doubt she even would consider dating in general.

I am not desperate enough, and maybe I need a friend who happens to be a girl, but the thing we share in common is staggering. I never met a girl who happen to share so many hobbies and interest as me.

stn said:
Are you Muslim? I'm a Christian and I tried making it work with a Muslim girl. Pretty sure her family would have killed me and disowned her. That's my only experience with it, I've only looked at Christian girls ever since.
Click to expand...

Haha, trust me the family will disown you (and me) regardless of any religious belief in many Muslim families. I doubt dating in general, is acceptable by the families at large.
 
faridmon said:
Thanks guys. The thing is, I don't think she sees it as ''dating'' whenever I invite her out, and since I am awful at reading situations and whatnot, I highly doubt she even would consider dating in general.

I am not desperate enough, and maybe I need a friend who happens to be a girl, but the thing we share in common is staggering. I never met a girl who happen to share so many hobbies and interest as me.



Haha, trust me the family will disown you (and me) regardless of any religious belief in many Muslim families. I doubt dating in general, is acceptable by the families at large.
Click to expand...

Well ask her what she thinks about the subject (dating) when applied to her.
 
faridmon said:
Well, comes from a Muslim background.
Click to expand...
I went to high school with sooo many beautiful Middle Eastern girls. Unfortunately, they were still too conservative to date outside their own race/religion, not that I stood a chance anyway. I'd love to have the chance now though.

stn said:
@grap3fruit
Is that a yes or no?
Click to expand...
Okay, what the hell. My only stipulation is that my alias not be "grap3fruitman" or something else that can be Google'd and led back to this thread. This is supposed to be a fresh start. Agreed? Need a source of pics? Twitter. Looking at it now... I've been abusing the hell out of the PS4 share button. I haven't posted too many pictures of myself as of late because I haven't actively worked out since June and I've lost ~30lbs of muscle and gotten chubbier. Zip? 60191.
 
Okay, I'll do it tonight after I finish my readings. Just PM me a nickname and password you want. I'm horrible at nicknames, just look at my GAF name. Also, include a small list of general things you're interested in. You don't have to be really into them, just include them.
Also: one favorite TV show, one favorite music group.

Reason being I don't want to include something that you have no idea about, only to have you be forced to talk about it with a girl.

EDIT: Tell you what, I'll just choose a random nickname and make it all right now. You can change the password and stuff once I give you the account. But still, PM me just a few interests (music, food, sports, etc...). Crap, I also need your age.
 
Minamu said:
I've seen it with my own eyes. Even in my backwater town, my lady friends can get around 40+ messages in 24 hours on Badoo. Could be a hundred reasons why it didn't happen to you :/
Click to expand...

Liiiiiiiiiiieeeessssss!

I don't care anymore lol. It just hurt when I did.
 
stn said:
@vicissitudes
Sure, I'll do it. PM me.

@oxn
I'd prefer not to post it in public so PM me and I'll share.

@grap3fruit
Is that a yes or no?

Anyway, got a lil' story of my own to tell. Its a bit weird in a way but it is what it is. I asked a few members on here what I should do, actually. Well, I knew what I should do but I was hesitant in pulling the trigger and wanted others to re-affirm my thoughts.

The story goes that I messaged one girl some time ago with a really dumb message. She didn't reply but kept viewing my profile. I assumed she was either shy, didn't get my message but saw that I viewed her, or just a bit weird. :D

So, I did what I've never done before - I messaged a second time (broke my first rule). But...it worked. She wrote a long reply full of nice humor and banter. So, I replied. I didn't hear anything for a month and by that point I got her completely out of my mind. Her message even got shuffled to the next page because of the other messages.

One morning I log on and...a reply. I get another long essay with what sounds like a sincere apology. See, here's the thing. I firmly believe that if a girl wants to message a guy, she'll find a way. Period. BUT, I always give ONE free pass to girls online because something similar actually happened to me (I didn't realize that another girl replied, by the time I did it was too late and she ignored). Not to mention I know girls who get MANY messages a day and it can be quite cumbersome.

Anyway, some days have passed and my last reply has gone unanswered. So, I decided that I wasn't feeling mutual interest and sent her a short and polite message saying to move on. I consulted some GAF'ers on how long they thought I should wait, but really, after the one-month fiasco I shouldn't even have to wait a full day (as a matter of principle). I'm not mad because the reality is she owes me nothing. But, if I'm interested in a girl then I'll make it known. And I never waste time messaging or replying to girls I'm disinterested in. It might sound "harsh" but its better than stringing people along.

There are some parts of it all that strike me as odd, such as the long messages and the fact that she could have just stayed quiet after the month passed but chose to message again. Like I said, I moved on by that time. Obviously there could be a million reasons for whatever happened but we all know I refuse to speculate on that shit.

In the end, I need to stop breaking my rules and making exceptions. I've been living on them for years for a reason.

/life story.

EDIT:

@faridmon

Are you Muslim? I'm a Christian and I tried making it work with a Muslim girl. Pretty sure her family would have killed me and disowned her. That's my only experience with it, I've only looked at Christian girls ever since.
Click to expand...

I meant, I'd be totally down to see you create an OKC account for grap3fruitman and help him message girls :)

Also wanted to echo someone else's sentiments that you have among the best advice in this thread. Often times I'll want to offer some help but then you beat me to it with exactly what I was going to say.

As to your situation, I have a good friend who got a message on OKC from a guy and she loved the message, and wanted to write him back a detailed response, but didn't get to it until a month later (and of course apologized in the message). But, then they met up and have now been dating for over a year. Believe it or not, if a girl really likes you, she can often take longer to respond, which means it's more likely that life gets in the way, or she forgets, or whatnot, so it actually lowers your chances of getting her. I would personally push for moving to texting (more casual, better response time) or meeting up as soon as possible, but move on to other girls in the meantime and not hold my breath for this one.
 
^ Thank you for the endorsement, sir. Yeah, the problem with texting is that I'm overseas for another month and never told the girl this. I mean, I have my phone with me so I could technically text. But the convo was going so slow that I just wasn't feeling the interest in the end. What's done is done, I ended up sending a message letting her know I was going to pursue other options. Even if she's actually interested she probably will not reply after reading that. Sucks but what to do? Shame, she seems like a really genuine person.

And yes, gonna see if I can help grap3 with this. Though online dating is hard but it never hurts to just leave the account there. You literally never know when someone can message you randomly out of nowhere.
 
Okay GAF, so stn set up my profile, however, I'm going to have to politely disagree with his suggestions for pictures:

stn said:
I can't save your pics through Twitter. I'm gonna tell you which ones to put up and where.

1. Put up the "sick day" selfie but rotate it so that its vertically aligned. Make it the main pic.
2. Find your favorite pic of you smiling and put it second. If you can't, take a new pic that shows you smiling and happy.
Click to expand...

Here's the source for my photos: https://twitter.com/grap3/media

What say you?
 
Taking a prospect girl out to a concert tonight. This is our 7th date / hang out. At this point I'd really like to make our relationship official, but I'm not really sure how you do that. In my only previous relationship the girl just started calling me boyfriend one day and I went with it, but this one is much more reserved and I'll probably have to take that initiative.
 
grap3fruitman said:
Okay GAF, so stn set up my profile, however, I'm going to have to politely disagree with his suggestions for pictures:



Here's the source for my photos: https://twitter.com/grap3/media

What say you?
Click to expand...

The pic with you holding the coffee mug (the one where we can see your face!) would be good. Smiles are good!

Edit: I feel I should put the disclaimer that I don't use online dating, so my opinion may not be worth as much.
 
grap3fruitman said:
Okay GAF, so stn set up my profile, however, I'm going to have to politely disagree with his suggestions for pictures:



Here's the source for my photos: https://twitter.com/grap3/media

What say you?
Click to expand...

You know, I usually look at your posts with some disdain because you're a decent looking dude and seem to be smart and possibly witty yet you don't take advice....

BUT

Seeing that you are a fellow Rocket owner I have to re-evaluate my position.

;)
 
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