grap3fruitman
Banned
What would you guys consider your redeeming qualities?
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TurboLibre
Member
Ambition, strength, career minded, funny, outgoing, not a psychopath. Anything can be spun into a redeeming quality. Know how to cook? Use it. Like to exercise or really like to hike? Someone out there will like it will like you for it. You're not as 2d as you like to sell yourself as, your twitter is proof enough of that.
The breakup between my ex and I wasn't good at all. It was really quite messy and left a lot of tension between us for months on end. The tensions gone and we're quite good friends now. I'm not sure about the breakup between him and her, though, but I think she's had a boyfriend since him.
stn
Member
You're not trying enough. How do I know? Because that's been happening to me lately - a lot. Since September 2013 'til now I've had a REALLY rough patch in terms of dating. I was able to get dates easily but the way some of them ended left a bitter taste in my mouth.
What's my conclusion? I need to try more. Being discouraged is simply not allowed. Believe me when I say I've had a lot of bad shit happen with women, yet I'm always told to be attractive, charming, and confident. Solution: try more. Don't give up.
@grapefruit
Since you can't list your own redeeming qualities, I'll do them FOR you.
-You work out
-You provide for your family
-You're stylish
You know what's ironic? How you can manage to give so much effort into working out and yet lose all energy when it comes to dating. I started gym this September and its 200x harder for me than chatting some nonsense with women and being happy. Apply your gym mentality to dating.
So, what are MY redeeming qualities?
-I'm a family man
-I study law
-I'm extremely friendly and social
-I like to share my experiences and help people
-I love animals
-I can make any girl laugh (well, except this one that I had a bad experience with)
Making such a list is quite easy. Your life will improve once you stop with the "I'm depressed" attitude. Focus more on the gym and online dating. And, I don't know if you did it yet, but put up those pics I mentioned on your profile.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
Looks aren't nearly as important as you think
Something you personally dont find physically attractive about yourself could be attractive to someone else.
Embracing your faults and limitations (or at least what you perceive to be your faults) and not being ashamed of them exudes confidence.
Something you personally dont find physically attractive about yourself could be attractive to someone else.
Embracing your faults and limitations (or at least what you perceive to be your faults) and not being ashamed of them exudes confidence.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Perhaps more importantly, what do YOU think are redeeming qualities?
I asked you something similar sometime back when I offered advice, but you didn't really list anything. You continue to say that you don't have any redeeming qualities, but what are some things that you think would fall into that category? What qualities do you wish you possessed?
electricshake
Member
I am intelligent and I have a good sense of humour. I'm pretty laid back as well. I'm in not bad shape and I have good legs haha. Is that the sort of answer you're looking for? Or do you mean stuff like being loyal and a good listener?
It is hard to wrap my head around that this grap3fruitman we read is the same that made the photos in his twitter.
What's up with you always putting "redeeming" in front of qualities?
Anyway, some of mine: I'm rather eloquent (at least in my native tongue), I'm open minded, I take some time to form an opinion on someone or something, I am creative and interested. I like to give advice and try to be neutral and see things from a different perspective. I ask and desire feedback and consider it. I am quite energetic and positive. Apparently to those that got to know me online first to a very surprising degree. I think I can adapt easily and I don't live in anger or fear. I think I'm very level headed and compatible with a vast majority of people. I am funny and can laugh about myself quite well. Especially when I'm not funny. I try not to do unto others what I don't want be done unto me. I am willing to help a friend in need to the best of my abilities. In fact I always do my best when asked upon. I don't mind talking a lot, listening a lot or just sitting in silence. I am very agreeable to most things. Yet I don't ignore my own preferences and try to interest others in them and the joy those things bring me.
What's up with you always putting "redeeming" in front of qualities?
Anyway, some of mine: I'm rather eloquent (at least in my native tongue), I'm open minded, I take some time to form an opinion on someone or something, I am creative and interested. I like to give advice and try to be neutral and see things from a different perspective. I ask and desire feedback and consider it. I am quite energetic and positive. Apparently to those that got to know me online first to a very surprising degree. I think I can adapt easily and I don't live in anger or fear. I think I'm very level headed and compatible with a vast majority of people. I am funny and can laugh about myself quite well. Especially when I'm not funny. I try not to do unto others what I don't want be done unto me. I am willing to help a friend in need to the best of my abilities. In fact I always do my best when asked upon. I don't mind talking a lot, listening a lot or just sitting in silence. I am very agreeable to most things. Yet I don't ignore my own preferences and try to interest others in them and the joy those things bring me.
I figured I'd share this weekend's adventure here, like last week! I guess it's worth repeating; I'm somewhat recently single. Start of November, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me. It doesn't feel long ago, since we've spoken some since. It's been over two weeks since last we spoke, so that's good! Midway through last week, it felt lonely, and I missed her a ton. Since then, I've progressed away from that. I feel more balanced and happy, and I'm ready to start P90X3!
I'm on the board for a non-profit organization that wishes to promote and build under sci-fi interests and give the youth a platform to exchange and keep up their sci-fi/fantasy interests. A big part of what we do is go to the movies as a group, and hanging out afterwards, discussing the movie we saw. My girlfriend was a member of this group with a friend of ours. Today, an hour before today's movie, she like'd the organization's event on Facebook, which I get notified about. I was on "going" on the Facebook, but I'd decided to rather stay home and watch the Olympics. However, she'd registered and was also attending the movie. That's a huge step into my world. I've been very clear that we should leave each other be for the time being. We still have a ton of feelings for each other, and I see nothing good coming out of being around each other. She's gotten her past-times, me being on the board here, this was mine. But she's overstepped a boundary, and I find that pretty disrespectful. So I'm a bit upset. Luckily, I wasn't going, anyway. I think it was part a way for her to poke at me. She really shouldn't do that.
Anyway! I was out yesterday. Set on getting up at 8 this morning, and not having a hang-over, I was aiming at being home at 2, and I drank probably literally a gallon of water during the night. So, we were going to a bar at a student dorm, where my friend lives. Last time I was there, a girl threw a beer in my face. It was sort of undeserved, at apparently people had been upset that she did that, so my friend told me she was going to apologize tonight. I'm standing at the bar, and suddenly she's the girl next to me. She goes "heey, you're Articate, right? I threw a beer in your face?" "Yup." "I'm sorry. I meant to throw it in your friend's face" [long story], so she hugged me and said sorry. We went back to my friends, and she was kind of on me. Suddenly she took my hand and took me to the dance-floor. That was fun. I was sort of off-put by the fact that did that so suddenly. We came back to my friends and we talked a bit. She said something about House of Cards, and I said "you know, I really wanna watch that. I've heard a lot of good things about it", and she goes "you know we can't date if you haven't seen House of Cards, right?" and I just like.. I was so incredibly off-put. My mind was churning like crazy to come up with a comeback. I would've gone "that's too bad, then" or something to that effect, but since I'd just said I wanted to watch it, I couldn't go there. I had nothing.
"Did that put you off?" she said
"Yeah! I have no comeback! I usually have one by now!"
She made some silly joke about how I could go away and come back and it would be a comeback, so it dissipated in that. She was wearing really slippery shoes as a part of her outfit for this 90's party, so later when she was dancing, when she again had pulled me out there, I said she was really dedicated to her outfit to wear those since they were so slippery. She goes "yeah, I really shouldn't fall for you". Again, I had nothing to reply with.
We dance at times, I hang with other girls and other people at times. I'm feeling really good, so I'm confident like there's no tomorrow on the dance-floor. If you read what I wrote last week, it was a big deal that I'd danced with a girl and put my hand on her waist. Well, this was way past anything like that. There was a moment, when I pulled her in close, and we were dancing, that we looked at each other for a prolonged time, there were really sparks flying. I knew that I could've just kissed her right there and then, but at the same time, I had all these unfinished and not fully processed thoughts about being single. Things like what I was looking for, what I would do, if I was ready to do anything. It is just that if you do something, it's completely inexorable. I don't know why that's relevant. I guess it ties back to the longing I felt for my ex earlier in the week. That's not just gone, just like that. Something there feels iffy about then doing something with another girl, but I know that's stupid. That's what I need to process, and that's what I hadn't fully processed. My uncertainty regarding such things also held me back from making any kind of move in any regard. As such, it sort of dwindled down, and she spent too much time trying to make me chase after her by dancing with other guys, who it was obvious she was dancing with as a way of affecting me, not really having anything to do with them. With that, I also came to my senses and decided I needed to chew on some thoughts before anything like that would be a wise choice, so I decided I was happy with letting her sit there, wondering where I went, and that she lost out on her chance. It was 3 at that point.
I was almost home, around 4, still feeling four hours of sleep could work well to get up to watch the 50 km cross country event, when I found someone basically unconscious on a flight of stairs. I tried talking with him, and got his name, but nothing more, out of him. I ended up calling 911, and they sent an ambulance, since he was so intoxicated he couldn't look after himself. A suspicious guy came walking by and was curious what was up. I told him, and he asked if I was Daniel. "Why should I be Daniel?" "Oh, no reason" "There's a reason". Then he came up with some half-assed explanation. He refused knowing this guy, but he inexplicably knew what drugs he'd taken, once I showed him that I understood that he just didn't wish to be implied in anything. I told him I was only looking after the health of the nearly unconscious guy on the ground and not who this guy was. The ambulance came, and the other guy left. They said they knew who this guy was. They decided to call the police, who would come and pick up this guy to get him a place he could warm up and sleep for the night. The guy really freaked out, because he was carrying stuff he shouldn't, but the ambulance people told him "you know those guys don't care about anything like that. They just want to see to that you can get a cup of coffee and a warm place to stay. You can't stay here, you'll freeze to death".
The police came, while the ambulance guy told me I was probably the one in a thousand that cared for someone they found lying like that. They said they were grateful and that I should keep it up. The police arrived and thanked me too. I was home by 5. I got up at 8:30 to piss, because my bladder was about to burst, but decided against trying to catch the race. Other than that, I had an exciting and eventful weekend.
Having been out during these last weeks has first told me that I'll have no problem meeting girls, but yesterday also reminded me that if I want to go toe-to-toe with the better and snappier ones out there, I need to bring my top game. Years ago I had that wit and those snappy comebacks, but I really need to tune my head to getting back in that game. I enjoy that, because it's fun taking on challenges like that and just not being flattened by girls that are accustomed to steam-rolling guys. It's not that they'd necessarily be interesting, but at least I won't get steam-rolled. So I'm really going to work on finding my way back there. So this girl reminded me of that, which is great.
I'm also ready to further process my feelings about the whole break-up, and moving towards being open for something happening with a girl. I'm really happy nothing happened yesterday, due to that "inexorable"-feeling that I think would've affected me today. All in all, I'm feeling better and better about myself. I had a bad job, which drained my energy. It was part that I wasn't doing as much as I used to that had my girlfriend break up with me, but her not talking to me about that being a problem for her is what's cemented the fact that I can't trust her with my future. Her having since regretted the whole break up, I've had to really feel like that's the reason, and I have.
Now, with a new job, every day is better than the last. I challenge myself in new ways, and I'm more outgoing that I have been in a long time, and I'm actually really, really enjoying it. This is pretty sweet, guys
I'm on the board for a non-profit organization that wishes to promote and build under sci-fi interests and give the youth a platform to exchange and keep up their sci-fi/fantasy interests. A big part of what we do is go to the movies as a group, and hanging out afterwards, discussing the movie we saw. My girlfriend was a member of this group with a friend of ours. Today, an hour before today's movie, she like'd the organization's event on Facebook, which I get notified about. I was on "going" on the Facebook, but I'd decided to rather stay home and watch the Olympics. However, she'd registered and was also attending the movie. That's a huge step into my world. I've been very clear that we should leave each other be for the time being. We still have a ton of feelings for each other, and I see nothing good coming out of being around each other. She's gotten her past-times, me being on the board here, this was mine. But she's overstepped a boundary, and I find that pretty disrespectful. So I'm a bit upset. Luckily, I wasn't going, anyway. I think it was part a way for her to poke at me. She really shouldn't do that.
Anyway! I was out yesterday. Set on getting up at 8 this morning, and not having a hang-over, I was aiming at being home at 2, and I drank probably literally a gallon of water during the night. So, we were going to a bar at a student dorm, where my friend lives. Last time I was there, a girl threw a beer in my face. It was sort of undeserved, at apparently people had been upset that she did that, so my friend told me she was going to apologize tonight. I'm standing at the bar, and suddenly she's the girl next to me. She goes "heey, you're Articate, right? I threw a beer in your face?" "Yup." "I'm sorry. I meant to throw it in your friend's face" [long story], so she hugged me and said sorry. We went back to my friends, and she was kind of on me. Suddenly she took my hand and took me to the dance-floor. That was fun. I was sort of off-put by the fact that did that so suddenly. We came back to my friends and we talked a bit. She said something about House of Cards, and I said "you know, I really wanna watch that. I've heard a lot of good things about it", and she goes "you know we can't date if you haven't seen House of Cards, right?" and I just like.. I was so incredibly off-put. My mind was churning like crazy to come up with a comeback. I would've gone "that's too bad, then" or something to that effect, but since I'd just said I wanted to watch it, I couldn't go there. I had nothing.
"Did that put you off?" she said
"Yeah! I have no comeback! I usually have one by now!"
She made some silly joke about how I could go away and come back and it would be a comeback, so it dissipated in that. She was wearing really slippery shoes as a part of her outfit for this 90's party, so later when she was dancing, when she again had pulled me out there, I said she was really dedicated to her outfit to wear those since they were so slippery. She goes "yeah, I really shouldn't fall for you". Again, I had nothing to reply with.
We dance at times, I hang with other girls and other people at times. I'm feeling really good, so I'm confident like there's no tomorrow on the dance-floor. If you read what I wrote last week, it was a big deal that I'd danced with a girl and put my hand on her waist. Well, this was way past anything like that. There was a moment, when I pulled her in close, and we were dancing, that we looked at each other for a prolonged time, there were really sparks flying. I knew that I could've just kissed her right there and then, but at the same time, I had all these unfinished and not fully processed thoughts about being single. Things like what I was looking for, what I would do, if I was ready to do anything. It is just that if you do something, it's completely inexorable. I don't know why that's relevant. I guess it ties back to the longing I felt for my ex earlier in the week. That's not just gone, just like that. Something there feels iffy about then doing something with another girl, but I know that's stupid. That's what I need to process, and that's what I hadn't fully processed. My uncertainty regarding such things also held me back from making any kind of move in any regard. As such, it sort of dwindled down, and she spent too much time trying to make me chase after her by dancing with other guys, who it was obvious she was dancing with as a way of affecting me, not really having anything to do with them. With that, I also came to my senses and decided I needed to chew on some thoughts before anything like that would be a wise choice, so I decided I was happy with letting her sit there, wondering where I went, and that she lost out on her chance. It was 3 at that point.
I was almost home, around 4, still feeling four hours of sleep could work well to get up to watch the 50 km cross country event, when I found someone basically unconscious on a flight of stairs. I tried talking with him, and got his name, but nothing more, out of him. I ended up calling 911, and they sent an ambulance, since he was so intoxicated he couldn't look after himself. A suspicious guy came walking by and was curious what was up. I told him, and he asked if I was Daniel. "Why should I be Daniel?" "Oh, no reason" "There's a reason". Then he came up with some half-assed explanation. He refused knowing this guy, but he inexplicably knew what drugs he'd taken, once I showed him that I understood that he just didn't wish to be implied in anything. I told him I was only looking after the health of the nearly unconscious guy on the ground and not who this guy was. The ambulance came, and the other guy left. They said they knew who this guy was. They decided to call the police, who would come and pick up this guy to get him a place he could warm up and sleep for the night. The guy really freaked out, because he was carrying stuff he shouldn't, but the ambulance people told him "you know those guys don't care about anything like that. They just want to see to that you can get a cup of coffee and a warm place to stay. You can't stay here, you'll freeze to death".
The police came, while the ambulance guy told me I was probably the one in a thousand that cared for someone they found lying like that. They said they were grateful and that I should keep it up. The police arrived and thanked me too. I was home by 5. I got up at 8:30 to piss, because my bladder was about to burst, but decided against trying to catch the race. Other than that, I had an exciting and eventful weekend.
Having been out during these last weeks has first told me that I'll have no problem meeting girls, but yesterday also reminded me that if I want to go toe-to-toe with the better and snappier ones out there, I need to bring my top game. Years ago I had that wit and those snappy comebacks, but I really need to tune my head to getting back in that game. I enjoy that, because it's fun taking on challenges like that and just not being flattened by girls that are accustomed to steam-rolling guys. It's not that they'd necessarily be interesting, but at least I won't get steam-rolled. So I'm really going to work on finding my way back there. So this girl reminded me of that, which is great.
I'm also ready to further process my feelings about the whole break-up, and moving towards being open for something happening with a girl. I'm really happy nothing happened yesterday, due to that "inexorable"-feeling that I think would've affected me today. All in all, I'm feeling better and better about myself. I had a bad job, which drained my energy. It was part that I wasn't doing as much as I used to that had my girlfriend break up with me, but her not talking to me about that being a problem for her is what's cemented the fact that I can't trust her with my future. Her having since regretted the whole break up, I've had to really feel like that's the reason, and I have.
Now, with a new job, every day is better than the last. I challenge myself in new ways, and I'm more outgoing that I have been in a long time, and I'm actually really, really enjoying it. This is pretty sweet, guys
What are these qualities redeeming?
Also, do use the red hoody picture. But you can't flip it over. Something will just look off, because you're actually on your side. If you want to use it, it should stay the way it is.
I'm fine with any pace, just a bit tricky to read whether she's happy with it since she doesn't talk about herself much. She's actually very similar to my personality which is kind of weird, lol. My ex was way different than me.
My only issue with this girl so far is that she hardly ever checks her phone so I have to wait a long time to get text returns, which makes me anxious that she's decided to ignore me basically every time. But it is a fist-pump moment when she finally does
DoktorEvil
Banned
Dating-GAF, I'm jumping back into Online dating.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/browneyedboy514?cf=profile
Please let me know how my profile stacks up. I'm really trying to move on from a bad ex, and I dont have the luxury of going to speed dating type events.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/browneyedboy514?cf=profile
Please let me know how my profile stacks up. I'm really trying to move on from a bad ex, and I dont have the luxury of going to speed dating type events.
There's a huge disparity between your two pictures. It looks like you're just blinking in the first, especially compared to the second. Go for the second picture as your main, I'd say. Maybe drop the stubble-comment? It is as if it is justifying something. I think it's a great picture that speaks better without that comment.
I think your self-summary is too explicit. The things you say should rather be implicit qualities. If you say "my life is a grand adventure", my first thought is "really? What makes it so?", then it's basically just "it just is". I like the line about rarely being at a loss for words but listening first, though. The "I am confident, optimistic.." line reads like a resume, and on a dating-profile, those qualities should be implied, in my opinion. Why would you be a self-proclaimed smart-ass?
A quick tweak to this one:
The first things people usually notice about me
My soulful brown eyes. They see a smile that melts the coldest of hearts, and a charming person with [a big heart/eye for details/open heart <- pick one or insert something else]
You should message me if
You are also charming and endearing. Glasses are a plus in my book! I like people who like to read and enjoy [conversing/talking]. [maybe something more here, but not about looks. After all, if you don't like how someone looks, you can always not engage in conversation. Everyone has standards here, so pointing them out is unnecessary and places focus on somewhere where it's not needed]
Try instead of how awesome your life is, say things that you care about. That way, they'll show that you're awesome, and the girl that reads it will not question that your life is awesome. It's the old "show, don't tell"-rule. Maybe say you enjoy having a cup of coffee with a good conversation. Confidence will be best conveyed implicitly. And rather say "I feel I've been blessed with my great life", since that shows that you appreciate what you have, instead of seeming like you say you have everything.
Your main pic has a strange expression. Also go for more variety in your pics, two head shots aren't that interesting.
"Throw you on board" is kind of a weird phrase, I would just say "Looking for someone to share the ride with" or something like that. Also axe the must be well put together part. Don't tell girls they need to look good, you'll be able to judge that for yourself when you look at their profiles so there's no need to say it.
"Throw you on board" is kind of a weird phrase, I would just say "Looking for someone to share the ride with" or something like that. Also axe the must be well put together part. Don't tell girls they need to look good, you'll be able to judge that for yourself when you look at their profiles so there's no need to say it.
Fixed that for you. The words can't and won't are defeatist and negative words that you shouldn't be using. You simply don't know how to do said things since you've probably haven't tried. There are plenty of articles and videos out there on approaching but generally, many guys don't do it because they over think about it. I understand you've been working on improving it which is good. A good book I would recommend is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Regarding online dating, it sounds like you either want to meet a super model or live in a small town/city. The great thing about online dating is that you can get in contact with tons of women because you have a choice but conversely, women get hundreds of messages a day. The general consensus in this thread (and from personal experience) is that online dating is good as a side thing but not so much as a main way of meeting women because it tends to be frustrating.
I have a Match.com account but have never paid for 3 months so I can't say. It's worked for some GAF members, not so much for others so it's YMMV. POF or plentyoffish.com is a good alternative to OKC. Most people in this thread have a OKC account and a POF account. I think you should give OKC another shot and maybe be less picky with women. I'm not saying you should go out with large women but maybe hit up decently attractive women and not just extremely attractive women. Tinder's also pretty popular. There's an online dating thread in OT Community that's pretty supportive.
Speaking of online dating, I was in my performance art class last week. The homework assignment was to show a selfie picture and we were discussing the concept of the selfie picture. When my professor asked the class who had an online dating profile, no hands went up (including mines) and everyone had a poker face. Nobody wanted to admit they had one which was funny but yet all hands went up when asked if we had a Facebook account.
As for my redeeming qualities, I'm artistic, honest, sincere, remember facts about people and reference them, love going to gaming events, museums, and drawing nights once in a while, volunteer/work at conventions, organize GAF meet ups, funny, a decent conversationalist, love drawing people in the subway, and I work out among other things.
Had a terrible date tonight. Dude kept making inappropriate jokes. Even sneaked a few pics of (what I think) my boobs. Bringing up sex as a workout he'll show me...Should have seen it coming cause when we met, and instead of taking me out to eat he made wait a bunch of time for him to fix his phone. I told him, 'I'm taking my car and I'm leaving, just saying. I have other things to do'. 'Ok,ok.' I was pissed cause I had a class to attend.
Always have transportation. Always.
Always have transportation. Always.
You all may remember me from a Christmas shopping thread that I derailed when my then-gf broke with me the weekend before Christmas, but things are changing, and they are changing fast.
I got into Tinder after my friends pressured me into checking it out. I really focused on people who I thought I could connect with, and I started to focus on one girl in particular. We went to a local barbecue restaurant for our first date. We finished eating in 45 minutes, but we stayed for over 3 hours, just talking and having a great time. It was the most satisfying date I have ever been on, and the chemistry seemed to be on point. I missed the first kiss due to being an awkward distance from her, but not because the opportunity wasn't there. We have set plans for this week, so I'm sure I will get my chance soon and hopefully pursue this relationship further.
I have also been getting into the college party scene more. My college's social scene is a little strange, but I'm finally getting out there and having fun dancing (something my ex and I never did). Last night, I had some extended dances with a girl whom my friends think is one of the most beautiful women on the campus (it's a small school, so it doesn't have to be an extreme exaggeration). We talked a little bit later, and although I don't think there's anything there, it was still satisfying to just hit the floor and just dance with somebody.
Anyway, my self-confidence is nearing an all-time high and I'm doing better than ever. I just need to get these good feelings out there. I finally feel like I'm living those golden years. I'll report back on Friday if something interesting happens.
I got into Tinder after my friends pressured me into checking it out. I really focused on people who I thought I could connect with, and I started to focus on one girl in particular. We went to a local barbecue restaurant for our first date. We finished eating in 45 minutes, but we stayed for over 3 hours, just talking and having a great time. It was the most satisfying date I have ever been on, and the chemistry seemed to be on point. I missed the first kiss due to being an awkward distance from her, but not because the opportunity wasn't there. We have set plans for this week, so I'm sure I will get my chance soon and hopefully pursue this relationship further.
I have also been getting into the college party scene more. My college's social scene is a little strange, but I'm finally getting out there and having fun dancing (something my ex and I never did). Last night, I had some extended dances with a girl whom my friends think is one of the most beautiful women on the campus (it's a small school, so it doesn't have to be an extreme exaggeration). We talked a little bit later, and although I don't think there's anything there, it was still satisfying to just hit the floor and just dance with somebody.
Anyway, my self-confidence is nearing an all-time high and I'm doing better than ever. I just need to get these good feelings out there. I finally feel like I'm living those golden years. I'll report back on Friday if something interesting happens.
TurboLibre
Member
I'm racking my brain on how to try harder though, and coming up short. I'm very social and always trying to get out of the house (with varying success). If I meet a girl I have even a small amount of chemistry with I take her out for a drink. And I have even reached out to friends to try and bring any ladies they know to our parties or when we go to the bars. I'm incapable of giving up, it's in my nature. But long stretches of minimal success wears ya down after a while.
I'm not very cool with online dating (for various reasons), but I think that's the only outlet that I'm not really pursuing right now. Any ideas you can think of?
Hoddie is a good photo. The red and the blue really make it stand out, and it brings out your eyes. And he's right, keep it the way it is. From a design perspective the top of your head facing the profile would look weird. Like you're not even looking at it. At least how I'm picturing it.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
To anyone depressed about not getting responses on online dating sites.....A girl I've been talking to on okcupid just told me that she received 2400 views ( two thousand four hundred) and 175 messages in her first 48 hours on the site.....and her inbox maxed out at 300 messages 2 days later......and this girl is just your run of the mill totally regular looking chick.
Those are the odds your working against. Just remember that.
Those are the odds your working against. Just remember that.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
If there's one thing I still don't get in dating, it's when to call after the first date.
I had a real nice first date this morning. She and I met up for some coffee mid afternoon. We sat for about 45 minutes, and then spent the next hour just strolling along a nearby park. The conversation was nice with lots of laughs. She seems kind of shy, since when we hugged good bye she lightly kissed me on the neck instead of a full on kiss.
So now I'm not sure how to do the whole "call them back" part. I usually do the 'wait 24-48 hours to contact' thing, but after talking with some gal friends, they suggested I just try to be more direct. So, I did. I gave her a call in the evening, and left a message saying "Hey, I enjoyed meeting you today. Just let me know when you're free again, because I'd like to take you out again."
I haven't heard back from her yet.
Should I have waited? Should I not wait? What's the protocol in all of this?
If it's important to know, I'm 28 and she's 25.
I had a real nice first date this morning. She and I met up for some coffee mid afternoon. We sat for about 45 minutes, and then spent the next hour just strolling along a nearby park. The conversation was nice with lots of laughs. She seems kind of shy, since when we hugged good bye she lightly kissed me on the neck instead of a full on kiss.
So now I'm not sure how to do the whole "call them back" part. I usually do the 'wait 24-48 hours to contact' thing, but after talking with some gal friends, they suggested I just try to be more direct. So, I did. I gave her a call in the evening, and left a message saying "Hey, I enjoyed meeting you today. Just let me know when you're free again, because I'd like to take you out again."
I haven't heard back from her yet.
Should I have waited? Should I not wait? What's the protocol in all of this?
If it's important to know, I'm 28 and she's 25.
there's no protocol. i usually prefer to do it the next day. and i doubt there are many girls that have ever said "hmmm he called me a few hours earlier than i would have liked, think i'll just ignore him now".
You guys suck. Lol.
Devolution
Member
More photos and not just selfies. Show yourself doing things.
quantumnerd
Member
How are you supposed to cope with being single? I'm 17 and in university. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship yet, but the singleness is killing me. I don't understand why I'm struck so bad by this considering that I've done a good job at not beelining towards cars/money/etc. I'm pretty sure I just have to trick myself into snapping out of it. Do I just play more VNs?
So I've posted recently. Went exclusive with a woman day before VD. Since then, about 5 texts a piece. Asked several female friends: everyone says this is totally abnormal behavior. If you have that talk you need to start communicating more, not less. So we were gonna go out today, I remind her yesterday and says that we have to reschedule because of food poisoning. I call her, she sounds sincere. I say I'll call her in the evening and do, and get her answering machine. I have to reach out and text her this morning because she won't and to her credit she responds quickly. We text back and forth for 5 minutes tops. And disappears. Tomorrow? Maybe I'll hear from her and maybe I won't. Time for a heart to heart talk. This is so bizarre behavior, I can't wrap my head around it.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Somewhat related to grap3, I once had a girlfriend tell me something about when she first met me that blew me away and changed my life: "I didn't understand how someone who looked like that was so uncomfortable in his own skin." Then I reexamined a lot of the failures and embarrassing moments in my life and realized I'd psyched myself out and ruined so many positive situations that were just being given to me.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Do it whenever you feel comfortable. My boy texted me on the way home from our first date saying what a great evening he'd had and wanted to see me again. It's a case by case thing I think.
Did she seem like she had a good time out with you? Maybe she was busy that night. Maybe just text her and see how she liked the afternoon and if she wants to do it again soon.
HappyBivouac
Member
This for sure.
Devolution
Member
Also, and this might just be me but and this goes for everyone.
Don't say this. Be it in your profile and dates and let your date decide whether this is true or not.
Don't say this. Be it in your profile and dates and let your date decide whether this is true or not.
Femmeworth
Banned
Are long, wordy profiles generally a bad idea?
Devolution
Member
Yes. But ridiculously short ones wouldn't cut it either. The best profile is one I want to keep reading so it's more about posting style and not taking yourself seriously. If you're at all funny or engaging have it come out in the profile. Easier said then done I know but a list of just shit you like or stuff you do without any personality shining through is boring.
Yep. The male/female ratio is very, veeeery imbalanced on dating sites all around. Women generally have less trouble meeting potential mates than males, so it makes sense that men would outnumber women several fold on dating sites..
DoktorEvil
Banned
Devo, your comments have been the most illuminating thing about my OK Cupid profile, that IM BORING.
Man, I wouldn't want to be around me reading half of the self centered bullshit I have on there.
At the same time, I'm not sure how to say exactly how I am to a person without just spoiling the whole story.
If I say I like geeky or nerdy things, or say that I love video gaming, no ones going to be flocking to me, regardless of how I look.
I definitely need to pick up more hobbies, otherwise I will be subject to talking only about the same shit that I grew up with my whole life.
I also need to work on the small talk. Small talk sucks but it leads into other things.
suddenly I feel like a sperm. maybe I shouldn't even bother signing up.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
It seemed like she had a good time - lots of laughter and relaxed conversation.
So, text her, what, tonight? Tomorrow?
I always feel like showing any sort of early interest drives people off. It's like you have to play aloof to make progress with people.
---
Also, I'm trying to revamp my okc profile, Let me know what you think so far: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/85lettuce
anyone remember that scene where Harry Potter gets a fuck ton of mail in the first movie ?
imagine a like that but with penises.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Can't see your profile coz it's restricted and my account is deactivated.
I'm assuming it's the day after your date so I'd say text her saying you had a good time and would like to see her again. Give her a day or 2 to reply and see what happens from there. Personally I like guys showing an interest in me and wanting to keep in contact, but girls are fickle creatures. Just do what you're comfortable with and see what happens. In the meantime keep looking for others.
Stiflers Mom
Banned
If you guys don't mind, I would like to further talk about Brent Smith.
Is there any written material by him which goes into some more detail?
I get the basic concept, but I fail to see how to apply that to my life.
Is there any written material by him which goes into some more detail?
I get the basic concept, but I fail to see how to apply that to my life.
He has a book called Jump Start Your Social Life which reiterates the same stuff he usually talks about and how to find bigger events and such. It's cheap on Amazon through his website http://brentsmithlifestyle.com/ or can be found with some good google fu. He might have more written stuff on that website, not sure. His bread and butter are the youtube videos and paywalled forum (I have no idea if he actually makes any money from his boot camp email invitations).
TruckDriver
Neo Member
Yeah, its the morning after the date now. Ill try texting her again
Also, my profile should be visible to all now.
stn
Member
@TurboLibre
You seem to have a good mind for this. You need to keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes you might fail a lot and think what you're doing is wrong, when in reality you're just doing it to the wrong people. Example: my approach in dating. I have the same one every time. Some girls like it, some don't. The only time you should change your approach is if there is something objectively wrong with it (ex. being shy, being depressed in front of a girl, etc...). Just keep going out and having fun, the girls will come.
Also, do try online dating. I get many many messages from girls that I might not ever meet in real-life. And dude, I have met some gorgeous women through it. So gorgeous that when it didn't work out it left a permanent mark in my memory, lol. Try it, it can be very good if you know how to use it.
@Stiffler'sMum
When you party you want to be friendly to everyone and approach people from a neutral place. Example: you see a group of girls. Approach them JUST for the sake of introducing yourself and not really asking any of them out. You want to get rid of your desire to meet girls and just go to have fun.
The way I practice this is to go clubbing and find a group of 2+ girls. Once I find them I initiate banter in a fun way. The girls feel less threatened because they're in a group and because I'm not hitting on any of them. And I just have fun chatting. If one of them finds interest in me, I take it from there. But I don't make any moves to initiate pursuit.
If nothing happens, okay. I move on to the next group. Either way, the interaction I have provides a night of fun. The last time I went clubbing I approached two Polish girls. We chatted, had a fun moment. Then their group came so they had to leave. Okay. Later, when I was on the dance floor with my own group, one of them saw me and gave me a wave/signal/acknowledgment. It was just a fun moment. That's what I look for. That's what Brent looks for.
Go out for yourself and to make fun for all, not to pick up women.
You seem to have a good mind for this. You need to keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes you might fail a lot and think what you're doing is wrong, when in reality you're just doing it to the wrong people. Example: my approach in dating. I have the same one every time. Some girls like it, some don't. The only time you should change your approach is if there is something objectively wrong with it (ex. being shy, being depressed in front of a girl, etc...). Just keep going out and having fun, the girls will come.
Also, do try online dating. I get many many messages from girls that I might not ever meet in real-life. And dude, I have met some gorgeous women through it. So gorgeous that when it didn't work out it left a permanent mark in my memory, lol. Try it, it can be very good if you know how to use it.
@Stiffler'sMum
When you party you want to be friendly to everyone and approach people from a neutral place. Example: you see a group of girls. Approach them JUST for the sake of introducing yourself and not really asking any of them out. You want to get rid of your desire to meet girls and just go to have fun.
The way I practice this is to go clubbing and find a group of 2+ girls. Once I find them I initiate banter in a fun way. The girls feel less threatened because they're in a group and because I'm not hitting on any of them. And I just have fun chatting. If one of them finds interest in me, I take it from there. But I don't make any moves to initiate pursuit.
If nothing happens, okay. I move on to the next group. Either way, the interaction I have provides a night of fun. The last time I went clubbing I approached two Polish girls. We chatted, had a fun moment. Then their group came so they had to leave. Okay. Later, when I was on the dance floor with my own group, one of them saw me and gave me a wave/signal/acknowledgment. It was just a fun moment. That's what I look for. That's what Brent looks for.
Go out for yourself and to make fun for all, not to pick up women.
Stiflers Mom
Banned
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
This hasn't been my experience at all. Establishing good communication early on is a good thing, and most people really like to know where they stand, rather than guessing. Where you run into trouble is when you start coming across as needy. Avoid those situations and you'll be good.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
Makes sense. What comes off as needy? I honestly dont know, not trolling here.
VNs?
I think you cope with being single by having a rich social life. You might lack that special someone when you also lack a lot of cool others. Yeah, a special someone is more punched packed into one, but with more people you can do various things with, a lot of that is substituted. The bonus of working on that is also that you'll be an overall more balanced person and better suited to have a healthy relationship once that time comes. Find fun things to do, and you'll have fun just doing that
Then the perfect girl can just waltz into your life at her leisure!You said that "showing any sort of early interest drives people off" seems to coincide a bit with things that can appear needy. When you're a balanced person that's in a social situation, you won't go prowling for girls. You'll be in the whole group, say hi to various people. On Saturday I was out. I had one conversation about how her room is so small she can literally turn on the coffee maker from her bed, and that way can have hang-over days without even leaving her bed. I spoke about SS-generals with a guy that had read a book that was an interview with an SS-general, where in the end you end up sympathizing and understanding why he did what he did. I digress, but this was about one of 10 conversations I had with 10 completely new people during the night. If you read my post a page back, you can see that me and a girl were flirting. The problem is when you meet a new girl, and there definitely is chemistry there. If you then latch on to her like a leech, because she showed interest, it might squander that, since you'd come off as a more interesting person when you just seem to get along with everyone, and don't need the attention of the first girl that gives it to you.
So you can definitely be playful and show interest if there's flirting going on, but that works best when you also talk with others, because that makes her feel special for being able to be the one that you're interested in. It'll be too easy to win the guy that's by himself in the corner, because he'll most likely reciprocate anyway.
That was a hastily written response, so please say of something didn't come across right
Stiflers Mom
Banned
Haha thanks for the advice, it's true I've never tried but before I really didn't give dating much thought; I think I know the basics of dating just have to get out there. I live in Miami a fairly big city, but it's way too diverse and finding the right girls is often difficult. I'm not looking for a supermodel and have realistic expectations but I'd like to do good for myself, not really in a rush.
As for Match I paid the $35 for a month just to try it out, if it goes well I might continue. So far in two days I've had a few girls interested who have favorited me, two of them rather cute, I will probably message them back. Last night I went back to OK Cupid and had much better luck, made a profile, added pictures and whatnot. I went though about two hundred matching questions and so far so good, it does seem to be working much better as a filter. Messaged a girl that seems pretty cool, might to go to my university and seems to work on the same program I did- I did have to pony up a dollar, these girls seem to get way too many messages so it makes messaging more difficult than match.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
VNs?
I think you cope with being single by having a rich social life. You might lack that special someone when you also lack a lot of cool others. Yeah, a special someone is more punched packed into one, but with more people you can do various things with, a lot of that is substituted. The bonus of working on that is also that you'll be an overall more balanced person and better suited to have a healthy relationship once that time comes. Find fun things to do, and you'll have fun just doing that
You said that "showing any sort of early interest drives people off" seems to coincide a bit with things that can appear needy. When you're a balanced person that's in a social situation, you won't go prowling for girls. You'll be in the whole group, say hi to various people. On Saturday I was out. I had one conversation about how her room is so small she can literally turn on the coffee maker from her bed, and that way can have hang-over days without even leaving her bed. I spoke about SS-generals with a guy that had read a book that was an interview with an SS-general, where in the end you end up sympathizing and understanding why he did what he did. I digress, but this was about one of 10 conversations I had with 10 completely new people during the night. If you read my post a page back, you can see that me and a girl were flirting. The problem is when you meet a new girl, and there definitely is chemistry there. If you then latch on to her like a leech, because she showed interest, it might squander that, since you'd come off as a more interesting person when you just seem to get along with everyone, and don't need the attention of the first girl that gives it to you.
So you can definitely be playful and show interest if there's flirting going on, but that works best when you also talk with others, because that makes her feel special for being able to be the one that you're interested in. It'll be too easy to win the guy that's by himself in the corner, because he'll most likely reciprocate anyway.
That was a hastily written response, so please say of something didn't come across right
I guess? I mean, this is someone i met from okc. So far i left a message one day and a text today. Basically i said the samething: i had fun and would like to go out again sometime.
To me, that seems like a lot, and will drive people away. I mean, if someone is shy, how do I get to know them and show interest without showing too much?
electricshake
Member
When you say 'cope' what do you mean? What is it you don't like about being single? You say you're not ready for a relationship, so is it sex that you're looking for?
It's hard to judge a specific situation, because it's down to all kinds of intricacies. If you came across as a bit needy during the date, then any sort of contact might be too much. However, if you were awesome and she's just dying to hear from you, you could probably send her a bouquet of flowers with the message "go out with me again?" without that being too much. Then there's just a plethora of in-betweens and stuff that changes these things.
It's best to just get the confidence in your own game. The less you think about the things you do, the better they are. If you feel genuine and open when you're with a girl, and you're having a good time, you don't need to be concious of such things like "Am I coming across too strong", because such thoughts can also be what hampers what otherwise might be fantastic.
If it feels natural to leave her a message, then that's all there's to that. If she then doesn't reply, it's honestly her loss. That's fine, too. Can't win them all. That's also what comes natural when you believe in what you do. Since you're just doing it, it's not so much what you do, but how they react. Sometimes people just don't respond because of something they have with themselves.
Just continue having fun. Challenge yourself to come off as a great guy - learn to have a bit of an edge, but being generally a nice person. That's anyway the mix I like. I'm generally very nice, but if people try to play a game with me, I'll play them right back, if only to say that "look, I can do that to, so why not just stop that?" Having fun and putting yourself out there will give you all the experience you need. If you combine that with these sort of de-briefs, you're definitely on the right track.
- Status