Question about "passion": So I hear alot about passion being an important quality in an attractive partner. But does that necessarily mean passion absolutely required in every aspect of one's life to fulfill such a requirement? For myself, I'd say I have passion for a lot of things in life (friends, hobbies, activities, etc.) however the only thing I can never get it up for is my career or rather where I am now in my career. I'm not actually solidly in the job I actually dream of and I won't be for several years. In essence, it's the only occurrence in my life that I can range from "meh" to down right being bummed about when I realize and dwell on how long I still have to go. If someone you were interested in or that was interested in you, was otherwise happy and passionate with life but cold when the subject of their career came up, do you think that would still be unappealing in terms of their overall personality?
No, you don't need passion in every aspect of your life. There's nothing unappealing about not being passionate about your job. However, if you're unstructured and unambitious, that's not good. If you're in your current job because you are ambitious, and that you want to achieve a job later that you can't, yet, then you're ambitious. That's important.
Alright Dating gaf, I'm coming to you for help.
So I've been hanging out with this girl for about a month and a half now.
Ever since we met we've just been talking non-stop. I mean spending a ridiculous amount of time together and staying up really late just talking. When valentine's day rolled around I got her a necklace and we spent all day together, she wears that necklace all the time now.
We started spending more and more time together, and one day she asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her in her dorm room. I obliged. We're on her bed and she falls asleep on me, I at some point fell asleep too I guess. So I wake up around 4:45AM and just leave because I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage of her or the situation. She texted me later that morning saying that was sweet of me, but I'm always welcome to stay.
So since that night, it has been a regular thing for us to sleep together. We don't hook up, we just sleep and it's kinda nice.
After spending so much time with this girl and sleeping over so many nights, I decided I was going to tell her how I felt about her. So I did, and she kinda burned me. I got the line "You're just that friend to me"
After that night, she just acted like everything was normal and we're still sleeping together. If anything she's been acting more and more like she's into me.
So I have no idea what's going on. But here's the catch. After confessing to her some stuff about my past (cancer survivor, just got through some gnarly PTSD). She tells me she was raped not too long ago.and after spending so much time with her I can tell you, you can kind of tell something was up. I used to have her same symptoms. But she's only told 3 people about it including me. Her parents don't even know.
Any ideas what's going on with this girl? And more importantly, what is my responsibility in the situation? I tried to keep it all brief but let me know if you have any questions I can answer. Just trying to do the right thing.
It's kind of obvious that you're putting more into it than she does. Giving a girl a necklace for valentine's when you're not dating is a give-away. She's obviously comfortable with you, but not attracted. I'd say that comes outside of the things she trusted you with. The fact that you are, but she isn't, will have me suggest that you distance yourself. It's nice to have someone to sleep with, but I could only imagine my own frustration if that was someone I also wanted to be something more with. It'd definitely be good for you to distance yourself so you could let those feelings subside. Then maybe later you'll be more comfortable being that kind of friend with her. Thinking "but it's at least nice to get something instead of nothing" will just lead to frustration. Try and imagine getting some distance.
When she says that you're her friend, it goes beyond what she's experienced. She really, really should consider talking to a professional about what's happened. There can be effects of the event beyond what she can pick up on, or work through. When you then say "she seems to act more and more into me", I'd guess she still feels the same way, but feels more comfortable with you. When the attraction isn't there, you'll end up reading the wrong things into it. That might have you advance on wrong basis, which might make her feel uncomfortable, given what's happened.
Outside of that, be her friend. Support her with what she's experienced and talk to her, try to gauge if she could have the need to talk to someone professional about it. In most cases, it's a definite yes, but it's never nice to impose such a thing. She trusts you, so use that to show her that trusting people with it is good, and help her through it. But I'd say just forget all thoughts of dating her. She'd let you know if she was interested. I don't think she will be.
So I just
broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm not ashamed to admit I'd like to get back into the game and meet some people. I've been playing around with Tinder, and it's kind of fun and hilarious. I hope this becomes a worldwide phenomenon. Unfortunately I live in a tiny college town, and not a particularly diverse one. Most of the girls here aren't the kind I'm interested in. A lot of blonde girls (I like dark hair, I'm shallow about it) who listen to a mixture of country and top 40, and build their personalities around that.
I met one nice girl, but man my game is shit now. She seems really interested in me but I'm so used to talking to girls like friends now. I dunno how to give the impression that I'm interested without being over-assertive or creepy. I don't even fear rejection; I just feel awkward and unsure about how I used to act as a single guy.
Anyone else played around with Tinder? I thought it was gonna be dumb and horribly shallow, and.. yeah it kind of is, and it's kind of funny, but it still gives you a shared interests list and a written profile, so it's not just "hot or not." I like how they do things, and there are some cool people on there. If you're wanting to meet people I say give it a shot.
I guess different folks, different strokes. But I've been single for four months, and I'm not ready to meet someone. It's getting there, and I have fun meeting new people, but I feel vulnerable and susceptible to silly things, which I need to figure out. But I'm a long-term guy. I don't date someone unless I always want to see it go further.
Just meet girls. You'll seem interested in them if you are interested. If you think about it, you'll just ruin what comes naturally. Don't think about it.
I feel like a piece of shit for even asking this question, but are high standards in regards to looks immorally vain? I've recently come to the conclusion that I derive more pleasure from being seen with a hot girl than from the girl's looks themselves, if that makes sense. I know it's extremely insecure and self-conscious, so I won't even attempt to deny it.
My ex-wife and the girl I had a little thing with back in December were gorgeous. Both solid 9s if you're into the whole scale/rating thing. Now I've gone out with this new girl a couple of times (and I feel like a total asshole writing this out) who has a pretty face and a great personality (so far), but her body, while not being horrible by any means, isn't that great. I don't really feel any excitement for the idea of her meeting my friends, if it even gets to that point.
Obviously if I ended up falling in love with this girl, looks wouldn't even matter. So I guess my question is this: should I accept my selfish asshole nature and pay attention to these feelings, or do I sound like a fucking insecure lunatic? If anyone has paid attention to my posts in the pic threads, you'll see that I'm no Adonis myself, which makes me feel even more hypocritical and bad
Yeah, it's definitely shallow to wish you have a hot girl so you can show them off. Of course I care about looks, but I'm also weary of hot girls with insecurities. They're used to getting that attention from random people and are someone accustomed to treating it a certain way and feeling empowered from it. It's a problem when your strengths come from your weaknesses, as then you can't remove your weakness without also removing your strength. How people think your girl looks should be very irrelevant. Shouldn't it be more important that your friends like her, than that she looks awesome? Anyone likely gets to bang someone "totally hot" some time during their life, so what's the fuzz about?
Why do you need the validation from others about a girl like that? I think that's an important question to answer, if you want to consider that it's an insecurity you should deal with.
Other than that, we're all driven by looks. Of course we want them to have a nice smile and tits and ass. It's not to say that it could never work unless she had at least a C-cup, because that's stupid, but it's not like it would be detrimental. So it's OK to be honest about looks mattering, but, at least to me, they matter to me. I'm a confident person, though, so I don't feel the need for validation of my girl's look from others. I'd much rather they get a long with her well. Ironically, my friends had some issues with my last girlfriend. So that's something I reflect on, now.
Anyway, it's important to remember that everyone are who they are based on what they've gone through. There's so much more depth to a person's mind than there is to a person's looks, so if you wish someone you can flaunt and be proud of to your friends, that would sound to be related to some sort of validation issue, perhaps. That's a very armchair psychology read, but I can't say morality comes into this. There seriously are girls out there that just wish to be flaunted, so I'm sure you could find someone to fit that need. If that is what you wish to strive for to have the life you wish to have, though, that's the question that matters.
