Any chance he can just drop the stuff off when you're gone, or do you need to be there?
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Any chance he can just drop the stuff off when you're gone, or do you need to be there?
electricshake
Member
Nah, my flatmate is really pissed off at him because of what happened so I don't think leaving the two of them alone is a good idea. It's nice that he's (my flatmate) protective of me but I don't want them coming to blows haha. And I know it's not a good idea but I do want to see him.
I think it's not a good idea when you say it's not a good idea. Seems that you can fall prey to your weakness. I don't know who broke up with whom, and I haven't had the time to go back in the thread to remind myself. I remember your posts, but not the details. If you feel weak, perhaps be strong with yourself and suggest he leaves it at the door, and put out his stuff before he gets there.
Take this from a guy that's had post-breakup sex with his ex probably 5 or 6 times. It just doesn't help. Because it was amazing.
Even if you thought that she was serious, you should have explained that you were joking and was sure that their performance was going to be great. The thing about texting or any other form of messaging is that sarcasm doesn't translate well through written text unless it's blatantly obvious or you add something to the end like an emoticon or some form of "lol." So always play it safe when you're messaging someone because someone might take your sarcasm the wrong way and think that you're actually insulting them. You can stop digging the hole you're in deeper if you stop texting her for a bit. Frequent texting will probably only make things worse.
Just try to keep the meeting as short as possible. The longer he's there, the worse you'll feel. You can do it, electricshake.
stn
Member
@Uncle0wnage
Only advice I can give is ALWAYS keep your cool. I had a girl call me "sketchy", which I consider a grave insult given that I work so hard to be proper, polite, and full of integrity. I kept my cool, told her she was wrong and misguided, and just moved on. Its especially wise to be careful over text since anything can be misinterpreted.
Only advice I can give is ALWAYS keep your cool. I had a girl call me "sketchy", which I consider a grave insult given that I work so hard to be proper, polite, and full of integrity. I kept my cool, told her she was wrong and misguided, and just moved on. Its especially wise to be careful over text since anything can be misinterpreted.
I meant meeting new people as in making new friends and staying busy, not trying to date. Its hard to be home on a weekend while shes out and about and it makes me anxious to sit at home wondering if she'll be back or stay out till late at night so thats my take.
I know its gonna be a shock again when she leaves the apartment and I have an empty house to come to. It sucks she didnt want to work it through. Im trying to find ways to rid myself of my feelings for her as fast as I can since the missery is kind of sickening (my chest hurts and I have a hard time breathing when anxiety peaks).
There's no reason to think about how it will be once she leaves. At worst you'll just build up a lot of negative expectations. You might be in a much better place when that time comes. Don't try to force away feelings. They're there for a reason. It is hard, but focus on finding things to do that you enjoy. You can't rid yourself of feelings for someone else fast, as it'd at best end up not being sincere. Seen how you do have physical manifestations of this problem, maybe counseling would be beneficial?
If you can't cope the way the situation currently is, you need to change it any way possible.
Clear! That should be good indeed.
I think a good way to accept that she doesn't want to work it through is exactly that.
She doesn't want to work it through, meaning she's not the woman for you, cause if she was, she would have tried at least.
Talking about your pain with family, friends or even co-workers that you trust will definitely help in the process.
Also, its a cliche but very true, time will heal your wounds for sure!
I will second that this was actually your downfall. But at least you know and can act accordingly the next time. That being said, Septimius actually said much better things about that. Cheers for the vocabulary broadening too! But a small addendum, I think as long as you were just communicating via the Internet/Text things can go sour quikly and I wouldn't necessarily fault her as much as Septimius did.
Why not?
I think you put her on a pedestal. Understandable and probably a very well researched psychological behavior, but still. Good that you ended it albeit perhaps a bit late. It kind of sounds like she was playing her game and you were a willing participant in it for too long. Optionally perhaps you could have changed the rules of the game by either letting go of you jealousy or looking at your relationship at a much more casual level. But I understand, that might be quite hard especially when you were caught right in the middle of it.
Because who does this? Unless something makes me laugh or I see a cute baby, I see no reason to smile.
Sometimes people unconsciously smile if they're having a good day; there's nothing wrong with it. You might be amazed how such a simple gesture could brighten someone's day and leave you viewed in a more positive light.
I try to. Why? Happiness. For myself and perhaps for others too. I think a slight smile is a better look than any alternative.
No. To all of it. Sorry. It's a poor assessment of the situation. You need to understand that this happened over the course of five years, and that this is part of what being in a mature relationship is. We were extremely happy, but she had insecurities that made her retreat from tough situations, and rather look to herself. I will stay and fight for what I believe in throughout my life. One thing is to not realize that relationships require hard work, but I am most upset that you talk down about my ex. Sadly, her insecurities got in the way, but she never wished for it to happen. To blurt out that it should've been more casual is missing the point entirely. We were extremely happy. Everything was great. We hit a relationship-snag like all relationships will, but she decided to break up instead of work it through. That's having me lose my trust in her having the ability to think about the relationship during tough times. Having spoken since, she said she feels she might be a quitter, and that that ruined something that would've been great.
There was no malicious intent, thus no reason to "make it more casual". It was what we both wanted. She sought attention from other guys when I was low down. That's a character flaw, it is not an invitation to have a more casual relationship, and neither of us wanted that. We were each other's world and we were extremely happy. It is sad that that was thrown away from her not talking to me, but treating this like this wasn't a girl I was planning to propose to juxtaposes the whole thing with some mind-set that's incompatible with what this relationship was.
There was nothing late about 'getting out'. I am extremely proud to have had my happiest years with her, this was a good time for this to happen. There is nothing I regret, and there never will be, despite some friends saying I should never take her back from what happened initially. But I fought for what I believed, and it has and will continue to work for me. The non-uniting ideas presented are ideas I do not have a desire to refute, nor dispute. I do not mean to be chastising, but I'd rather you don't reply to this post, nor reassess the situation.
I can't do that. Even when I'm talking to someone it seems like I'm smiling but I find out later that I wasn't.
Smiling literally makes you happier. Like for real, science shit and such
It also makes other people happy and like you more.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Hello guys,
A girl on tinder has asked me if I am planning to go out drinking saturday night. I haven't replied her back yet.
I'm nervous. I don't know how it will be if I meet her for the first time with her friends, while both of us are drunk. Plus I don't have plans. I wonder if I can get to know her at all. We talked so little on Tinder of the last week. But she is really cute. Should I call it off and suggest a different day, or should I be brave and spontaneous and say fuck it, and just see what happens? I'm leaning towards the first, but my heart feels the last is the best. Fuck.. I just typed out my own answer didn't I?
Why is being brave scary?:I Will you guys give me a virtual cry beer if I come home as a loser on saturday? Cry my heart out in dis thread.
A girl on tinder has asked me if I am planning to go out drinking saturday night. I haven't replied her back yet.
I'm nervous. I don't know how it will be if I meet her for the first time with her friends, while both of us are drunk. Plus I don't have plans. I wonder if I can get to know her at all. We talked so little on Tinder of the last week. But she is really cute. Should I call it off and suggest a different day, or should I be brave and spontaneous and say fuck it, and just see what happens? I'm leaning towards the first, but my heart feels the last is the best. Fuck.. I just typed out my own answer didn't I?
Why is being brave scary?:I Will you guys give me a virtual cry beer if I come home as a loser on saturday? Cry my heart out in dis thread.
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
Yep
Just go!
depths20XX
Member
I'd say go for it. I was in the same situation one time, girl invited me out with her friends. Never met any of them before. Ended up having a great night and got her number at the end of the night. We saw each other for a while and it turned out great. It could go either way but you just gotta be positive and see what happens!
dietertong
Member
So I've finally took the plunge and joined up on OKC and POF just to give it a try. I've never been really dated much, only one real girlfriend in the past, so I'm not sure how to goes about doing this.
Created my profiles, (think) they're decent, messaged a few girls that answered things in their profiles. How long would it typically take to get a response? I've got the patience to wait, just not sure what timing is on these things.
I'm pretty sure I just opened up a whole new can of worms but eh, what's life without some funny experiences
Created my profiles, (think) they're decent, messaged a few girls that answered things in their profiles. How long would it typically take to get a response? I've got the patience to wait, just not sure what timing is on these things.
I'm pretty sure I just opened up a whole new can of worms but eh, what's life without some funny experiences
Do it. Challenge yourself to go with the flow. It sounds like tons of fun! Don't put anything into it, and it won't be scary
It's just mega happy fun time! You know we'll always have your back!do not go on the date if she brings her friends.
reschedule for some 1 on 1 time instead.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Do it. Challenge yourself to go with the flow. It sounds like tons of fun! Don't put anything into it, and it won't be scary
Go
Thank you guys. Life is going to happen no matter what. I don't think me thinking about it or trying to control it can make me change the outcome. Letting go is the hardest part. It's almost like separating a part of your cultural fears, prejudices, experiences, and made up fantasizes, from the present.
Why? Her friends aren't dangerous. It's easy getting to know people in a group! Then they'll like Vigilant Walrus, and this girl will be even more into him. Be more lenient. Especially with something that sounds fun.
That's the spirit. You'll have fun. You'll make some awesome experiences.
She's already asked you out. That's half the battle. Go for it.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Fuck it, man. Just go for it. Don't get sloppy drunk and play it cool. You got this shit.
stn
Member
I'm hesitant to recommend going out with a girl and her friends as a first date. Well, it can be fine if you go JUST to have fun and without thinking of the date itself. Problem is that it might be difficult to isolate the girl you're into away from her friends. Also, if she's shy then she'll linger around her friends non-stop.
On the other hand, if you want to get her to like you faster...well, just flirt with her friends.
My conclusion would be go, have fun, and make as many friends as you can.
On the other hand, if you want to get her to like you faster...well, just flirt with her friends.
My conclusion would be go, have fun, and make as many friends as you can.
depths20XX
Member
Yup. It's true. As a guy, meeting her friends and coming across as a fun guy, they'll say "he was so nice!" and it'll boost any girl's interest in you. Often dubbed 'preselection' in the pick-up milieu, there's tons of merit in this one. When you're going out with her friends, it's not really a date, so just go and have fun. Just say your friends could come for whatever reason, but that you'd still enjoy hanging out with her and her friends.
What could be more fun than to get to know a brand new group of friends?
What could be more fun than to get to know a brand new group of friends?
Actually meeting with a group thats your age lol. I tried a website called meetup.com but the groups around Palm Coast, FL are filled with people in their 40s which isnt going to cheer me up one bit, or speed dating which Im not interested.
I appreciate all the comments and suggestions you and Nix gave me btw. It can only get easier each day that goes by. We've been acting like friends lately which is still painful but I dont want to dread coming home and have to put a facade like I hate her after all of this.
Edit: A positive, Im not a Junior member anymore!
electricshake
Member
Can't say I'm surprised but he didn't come over. He was supposed to text me but hasn't.
That's a real low move. I know the anticipation and anxiety in waiting for something like that. Having it just kept suspended is really not nice. Sorry to hear that. Hope it all works out for the better
The Artful Dodger
Member
If I remember what your story was, it's probably just as hard on him as it is on you. I know it sucks to hear this, but this kinda crap just takes time. Hope it all works out for you.
bigfunkychiken
Member
I don't think you really did all that much wrong. While I think your "disappointing" comment is hard to interpret as anything but sarcasm, remember that tones don't travel well via text (not sms in specific--just "text").
At this point you've contacted her multiple times with no response from her even though she's seen your messages and even though you've made it clear that you were only joking and you've congratulated her on her performance--you owe her NOTHING and you need to stop communicating with her unless POSSIBLY she apologizes for her reactions.
edit: Septimius, it's fine that you don't regret staying with your ex for those five years. But I don't believe anybody here (besides yourself) would disagree that you gave her too many chances. She wasn't magic; she's just like everybody else just like you and I are just like everybody else.
Just stop talking about it. I didn't post that story to have anyone reflect on my actions or tell me they think I did anything wrong. I stand by my actions. It's not right to interpret the story from what I wrote, as I could easily have written it in a way that showed her side, better. She was younger and uncertain when all those times happened. I tried my best then, but all those times were bullshit, so I called quits. Then we got back together, and I've been happy basically ever since. Best decision of my life. Proudest to stand by such a decision, too, since very few other people would've done that. But it worked out the way I hoped it would, and I kept my belief in humanity and fought for what I found to be worth fighting for.
I'm a vulnerable guy during these times, and I work through what I work through the way I need to. Understand that I'm not here to hear about what you guys think through a small summary I wrote; that's not why I wrote it. I wrote it to show insight into how I deal with what I'm dealing with and why. I wrote that story to sum up why my trust was broken. I didn't write it to ask if you guys think I should've quit sooner. So drop that. Drop whatever you're thinking about the situation and realize you're hurting me if you keep posting about it. This is my strength, this is what I fought for. I proved those who doubted me wrong and made all who know me proud.
So no more comments about how anyone perceives that part of it.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Drink. Pick up other hobbies, hit up other buddies I know through Steam. Get to know my local bartender and hang out at the local watering hole and talk to the regulars. Read. Play vidya games. Post on GAF-Hop and NFL-GAF...
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Did you see the Louis ck clip on Conan were hetalks about sadness?
I don't drink :/
At least Dark Souls will occupy some of my time next week.
Nope.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Get into sports, or kick it with me on TF2. I'm on Dating Hiatus for a bit.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Charlie McCarthy
Member
So I've finally took the plunge and joined up on OKC and POF just to give it a try. I've never been really dated much, only one real girlfriend in the past, so I'm not sure how to goes about doing this.
Created my profiles, (think) they're decent, messaged a few girls that answered things in their profiles. How long would it typically take to get a response? I've got the patience to wait, just not sure what timing is on these things.
I'm pretty sure I just opened up a whole new can of worms but eh, what's life without some funny experiences
Good stuff getting back out there man. Depending on how long your previous relationship was you may find the new age 'dating game' to be daunting. Online dating definitely has its positives but also quite a few negatives.
First NEVER expect a girl to reply. Its most likely they won't and its important to not take this personally, which can be hard I know. Even if you do get a reply, never expect anything even from that. Women on these sites get a lot of messages, so they can afford to be a lot more picky. Becoming "outcome dependent" with online dating can mess with your head, so I always say online is great as a supplement for actually going out and socializing, which is easier in a lot of ways but online gives the opportunity for much more attempts.
For first messages, I always keep them to one sentence, mentioning something in their profile or pics. After seeing some girls inboxes, I would say the short, simple approach is the best but if she don't like your pics its probably not going to happen. Make these the most important thing in your profile!
Anyway man good luck with it, it can be a lot of fun if you approach it with right mindset. Also don't be surprised when the online personality you have in your head of the girl is absolutely nothing like she is in real life, this happens a lot.
Lol. I've done that. Except, instead of getting happy afterwards I got angry.
No need to drink. Just challenge yourself. Figure out if you are ready to meet someone and not just need to meet someone. There are so many things to preoccupy ourselves with, I'm sure you really have tons of things to do. It's just about finding the motivation and drive to do them. Working out is a great way of getting excess energy and feeling good about yourself. It'll just have you motivated to do everything, instead of not knowing what to do.
Read some Alan Watts and spend a little time with some introspection. If you meet someone, we so quickly stop working on the deepest aspects of our minds.
I've also had times when hanging with friends hasn't been able to calm a dithering brain. However, just turned out I needed different stimulus from my friends, so I hung out with someone I felt I could discuss how I was feeling with.
Do you live on your own?
If so, go to the animal shelter and get a cat, seriously.
If you are not able to, force yourself to hang out with friends, being lonely and staying in most of the time might get you into a negative spiral.
Oh and on another note, my ex who still lives with me got assigned an appartment already, she's going to have a look tonight and when it's not a complete disaster she will move there between the 24th of March and the 2nd of April. In 4 weeks I will live alone again..
I work out 3 times a week, sometimes more at home. It gets the adrenaline going I guess but it doesn't help much anymore. It's only at night where the loneliness really kicks in though. I now I just need to get out more and meet new people but I don't know why I can't do it. Is it really so bad to feel like I need a relationship? I honestly think I do. I want some intimacy.
I have a couple of stray cats that I love but they don't really help much. My bird recently died too. I've had him since I was ten and since it was a baby. He got sick and died just like that. I still sometimes almost say hi to him when I get home. It sucks that you'll live alone again, but living with an ex sounds just as tough.
Ah ok, when I was living on my own for 7 years I got lonely too after the first 2 years or so, got a cat and it helped a lot. The unconditional love pets give helps.
Anyway as you already have pets this wasn't a good suggestion.
Please mind though that if you keep on staying in cause you don't feel like hanging out with friends anymore, the loneliness will only get worse. Even if you don't feel like it, I would definitely hang out more.
And true at your last comment, one part of me wants to make these last weeks with my ex as nice as possible while another part wants it to be a month from now already...
I agree that it will keep you motivated but it won't always help people deal with lonelyness, In my case I don't talk to anyone when I'm working out at the gym.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I whine in this thread. Then I have someone talking to me, usually. Also, crying.
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