Seriously mixed signals - should I take all that to mean I have been friend zoned and that shes just super open about her sexuality or is it basically a signal I should make a move and that she just happens to be open enough to mention she's into other dudes?
I don't see mixed signals here. She tells you she wants something with no strings attached, and she is consistent with it by being open about her tastes and her whims of the moment.
I mean, when she says no strings attached she also means "no exclusivity". I think you saw her no strings attached as "we can have a relationship as long as we don't call it like that and as long as other people don't know about it".
Here's the problem: I think this is the typical girl who we've seen many times in the posts of other people in this very thread, who claims to like no string attached relationships and then cant' back that up.
I think that's just bait for guys, to get them to want to be around her and then to shoot them down at the first sign of interest with "I don't see you like that" "you like me more than I like you, but it's ok" "I don't want to ruin our friendship" "I think we are not there yet" and my personal favourite "we just met at the wrong time, I'm so confused".
I get the feeling that you will go for her anyway, no matter what people here tell you, but at least keep in mind this: you've got your hands on something that happens VERY rarely, which is good roommates. You don't want her going around the house telling the other guys how you are "always trying to talk to her" and "don't give her space", how you "didn't take the hint" or in case you take the rejection/stalling in a bad way "I don't understand why he doesn't talk to me anymore/I don't understand why he treats me like that".
The best thing you can do is make the most out of her presence by bringing girls home and show 1- how she is "into you" (real or not, girls who come around won't be able to understand the difference right there) 2- you are cool being around girls and you don't make a move on the first girl you have at hand's reach.
Don't give in.
Quick question, because I am stupid about relationships:
So I've been seeing this girl the past few weeks: we've gone out a few times on the weekends, text daily, and have had sex
. Today I realized that I'm pretty content with this setup. I had been envisioning jumping right back into serious relationship territory, but now I figured out that I'm really enjoying my freedom, and don't want to go back to a serious relationship yet. This isn't meaning that I want to date multiple people, but I really think that having someone to talk to throughout the week, then going out on the weekend, with no other serious obligations, is a pretty sweet deal.
Onto the question: I have no idea at what point in a normal relationship goes from dating to something more serious, and I don't want to jump the gun on telling her how I feel. My ex-wife and I never really "dated" and were married within a year, so obviously my reference points are all fucked up. I just don't want to have an awkward conversation where I'm like, "look boo, I'm not tryin' to be tied down just yet" only to discover that she hasn't even thought about anything more serious herself.
Help?
I think you have an important issue at hand and I think this might have been the main factor in the reaction of the girl you dated before, the one who vanished after the one night stand: when you don't establish a meaning to a relationship on your end, the other party will do that for you.
I mean, if a girl likes you she wants to know what you want, from your life and from her, so she can also make a decision. Everyone has expectations.
If you keep the situation vague like it is now, I can guarantee you you won't change that down line, especially if you keep getting what you want from her (be it sex, company, or a combination of both). I have seen it happen many times: guys get comfortable with what they have, and make no effort to either define the relationship or make it better because why fix something that isn't broken. And this happens because there is a lot of adjustment and diplomacy on the girl's part, which usually keeps the relationship going but also turns a little crack into a chasm.
The longer you keep the relationship in this state the more defined the relationship will be, only it won't be defined by your intentions but by your actions which she will read god knows how. That's why I tell you this type of girls always breaks the heart of guys: they come under the radar, they give no drama, they support you and they literally feed off your good vibes.
Then all of a sudden they hit guys with "I can't do this anymore" and the guy makes every single mistake in the book: "I can change", "tell me why", "who is he" (XD), "you used me" "I thought you'd be there for me" and so on. You can't expect a relationship to be easy-going, and then develop into something serious.
So yeah, you can tell her what type of relationship you want and maybe loose her, or keep doing what you are doing and loosing her down line, only the damage you'll suffer from the first option is relatively minimal (and not necessarily guaranteed), while if you wait for her to take a decision for you she will do that when you less expect it and when it will hurt the most.
I mean, think about it: this whole process seems to be very relevant to the way you presented your divorce, as if her intention to divorce came out of nowhere. I won't boil down something as big as a marriage to the interest for a girl you still don't know that well, but I don't think I'm too far off the target.
Overall it's a question of just waiting for life to happen to you, or to do your best to steer the world around you in the direction you want. This type of relationship might be what's good for you right now, (as a matter of fact I'm surprised at how much unaffected you seem to be by your divorce) so I won't suggest to drop the bomb on her, but keep in mind sooner or later you'll face the backlash of this undefined situation.
I’m a bit confused as she still seems keen for going out with me because she says things like “sure!” and agrees to it but then she’s saying she isn’t looking for something serious and we’re not on the same page affectionately? So my question is what should I do? If we go out again on a third date this weekend should I bother holding her hand or trying to kiss her? It would be the first time and I was originally planning to hold her hand on this third date and go for a kiss on the lips as well but now I’m not so sure. If I hold her hand during the date she might be like “what are you doing?” or “let go” “remember what I said” etc… Maybe if I kiss her on the lips that might get her on the same page affectionately?
Vampire, I think she's just trying to be gentle and respectful.
As people already told you, the sick/busy thing always resulted in a constant no-go until the guy finally gives up.
I'm not kidding: read the first twenty pages of this thread and take the opportunity to verify first hand how these "I'm busy" "I'm sick" screenplays tend to resolve.
I think the problem was in fact the not kissing her on the lips, but you have to understand that if a girl is passionate chances are this side of her has brought a lot of problems along: if you consider the types of projections guys do on the number of past relationships and sexual experiences, it shouldn't surprise you that a girl who takes the risk of kissing you first (even if it's on the cheek) instead of waiting for "the Man" to make a move, may have second thoughts on how much passionate you can be.
I think she had a clear cut idea of what she wanted from you. I'll launch myself in the most crazy of speculation now:
say she is passionate and she believes in the "opposite attracts" law. Now, judging from your post and I guess your avatar, you don't seem like the most warm and social guy around (I'm not saying this with spite, as I'm also like that). When someone keeps to himself, girls cannot make a call onto whether that's because of shyness, arrogance, disinterest or pure simple apathy. When they go for you to try and find out, you don't have many chances to success: yes, ignoring girls or being aloof gets you a lot of attention, but the fact is that's the most high-risk high-reward approach there is. No one wants to be rejected or feel rejected, and a girl has no way to know if you don't match her level of interest because you are shy or because you plainly don't like her.
I'd say give up and next time you go in for the kiss,
go in for the kiss! XD. You now have your experience with the fact that kissing with a bit of nervousness may not be optimal, but it's far better than not kissing at all and make the girls wonder if you will be as hesitant at every step of the way.