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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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Don't think too much about it. I'm horrible at approaching people as well (male and female), but I'm a decent talker past that point usually. With that said, I'm oblivious to any signs a girl might give me, and I doubt the ones I do pick up on. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll need to take some chances, and figure out what you're comfortable with. You'll learn that rejection isn't the worst thing in the world.

Shit, a few months ago I randomly asked a girl out at the dog park. Everything about the situation was awful and embarrassing looking back on it, but I'm still glad I did it since it was something I'd never done before. Needless to say, she turned me down, but it still wasn't that bad, aside from how awkward I was.

edit: but seriously, I think my post got lost on the last page. someone help meeeeeeeeeeeeee


I'm in the same boat as you - oblivious to those signals coming at me. I can observe others and see them without issue for them, I just seem to have blinders for myself.
 
I am honestly not sure. I just know that I cannot handle being turned down by a woman I am attracted to. This is an overwhelming fear for me.

That definitely sounds more like a self-confidence thing than an arrogance problem. You have to learn not to care about it really (I know easier said than done, I'm working on it too) and that many opportunities (if you want) will come eventually. Generating the opportunities...that I have no clue on lol.
 
I am honestly not sure. I just know that I cannot handle being turned down by a woman I am attracted to. This is an overwhelming fear for me.

think of it on the opposite side: you're never going to get with any woman you're attracted to if you're unable to talk to them.

who_dares_wins.png
 
It might help to not think of all women as simply potential romantic or sexual partners. Talk to them as you would talk to man.


That is very true. I only see women as potential romantic or sexual partners. However, I cannot talk to a woman I am attracted to as I would a man because the only thing I would be thinking about is whether she is attracted to me.
 
Gym, coffee shop, doing sports, concerts...just be social really and doing things you have a chance to meet someone.

At the gym I want to work out and focus on myself. Doing sports are kinda the same thing.
Concerts are parties.
You can approach people at a coffee shop in the middle of the day? Sceptical.
 
So I've been seeing this girl I met on Tinder and we have been out on two dates so far and both have been really great.

The first was coffee and we talked for hours and had a really great time. At the end she kissed me on the cheek when we said our goodbyes.

The second was a bowling then arcade then coffee date. I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and at the end gave her another kiss on the cheek. ( I went in for a kiss on the lips but I wasn't sure if she was leaning into it so I just defaulted to the cheek ) That date was also really great and we had lots of fun.

It’s been two weeks since the second date as she had been sick and now is busy being back teaching at University. During that time she was sick I had asked about a third date and she said "Sure! but it would have to be next week" (so this week).

I chatted to her last night on Facebook for the first time in a few days since she has been sick/busy and was trying to organize a day for a third date. That’s when she said to me that her schedule is a bit crazy at the moment and she would get back to me but that she also wanted to "remind me that she is not wanting anything serious"...........

What? I really don’t remember her ever saying that to me before!

I was a bit shocked at her saying that and I kinda played it off saying that’s cool and whenever she had a free moment like maybe the weekend to which she said: "sounds good :)"

She also mentioned to me that I'm cool to be around but she isn't sure we are on the same page when it comes to affectionate feelings though which I countered by saying that’s alright and I think it’s too early for feelings to happen anyway and that I've only known her for a short time which she agreed.

So I'm really not sure where to go from here……..

I am making a very sad and angry look at my screen right now. This why I fucking hate dating. You're going out with someone, having a great time, think you're on the same page, girl gives NO sign in person that she's not feeling it, then the bombs start dropping from behind the text/chat wall......she's not interested anymore dude.

This situation just happens to me not 3 weeks ago, except i was seeing the girl for 6 weeks and I was literally just about to try and make us official. You should have seen how she acted around me before she bailed. From the second date to the end (around 8 dates over the course of a few weeks) we were making out during and at the end of every date, holding hands, she put her head on my shoulder when we walked, she put my arm around her, she would feed me samples of food at dinner, etc, the whole lovey dovey bullshit bla blah blah. Then, out of nowhere " I'm not sure we're at the same places in our lives."

It's going to be tough but I strongly recommend that you cut off all contact immediately and start looking for someone else. This is probably the last best thing you can do to rekindle her interest in you, because right now, it's dwindled/gone. Please do this. For me. Do what I could not.
 
I am making a very sad and angry look at my screen right now. This why I fucking hate dating.

You and me both. It's all a big fucking game. Only in my case, it feels rigged and I'm just looking like a fool for even trying. Honestly, at this point I'm conditioned to believe any interest from women is just for attention. They don't actually want to spend time with me.
 
think of it on the opposite side: you're never going to get with any woman you're attracted to if you're unable to talk to them.


You are right. I have had women approach me but I simply could not bring myself to say anything other than "hi" and "bye". Every time it happened it scared the hell out of me. Anyways, thanks for the replies.
 
Quick question, because I am stupid about relationships:

So I've been seeing this girl the past few weeks: we've gone out a few times on the weekends, text daily, and have had sex
yay!
. Today I realized that I'm pretty content with this setup. I had been envisioning jumping right back into serious relationship territory, but now I figured out that I'm really enjoying my freedom, and don't want to go back to a serious relationship yet. This isn't meaning that I want to date multiple people, but I really think that having someone to talk to throughout the week, then going out on the weekend, with no other serious obligations, is a pretty sweet deal.

Onto the question: I have no idea at what point in a normal relationship goes from dating to something more serious, and I don't want to jump the gun on telling her how I feel. My ex-wife and I never really "dated" and were married within a year, so obviously my reference points are all fucked up. I just don't want to have an awkward conversation where I'm like, "look boo, I'm not tryin' to be tied down just yet" only to discover that she hasn't even thought about anything more serious herself.

Help?

quoting myself since I think I got lost at the end of the last page. halp
 
I'm finally looking to start dating after 8 months since my first relationship ended. The shitty thing is I'm 31. So I've never really dated, my first relationship was with a girl coming out of a bad breakup and I was the rebound guy. So things went really fast. We had sex 2 weeks after meeting and were living together 2 months later. So I know how to do all the heavy lifting so to speak, I was able to go out with this girl, but she made the first move, she started talking to me and asked me out. She initiated everything except sex. After saying we didn't want to move too fast... We went too fast. Fell in love deep and hard and then cut to a "mutual" breakup a year later, the heartache of a first love ending, and at this age... I was depressed for months. But things have been getting better and now I have to move on.

I'm a very shy and quiet person, so meeting people is hard. 1 on 1 I'm actually really great, I can hold a modest conversation and I'm nice, well spoken, fun. I like to smile, and I'm a really attentive listener. I also have great body language. I set people at ease and they generally like me right away. I just want to know what the best way to go is. Should I try seeking a similar personality through online dating? Should I ask friends and relatives if they know anyone? I don't know what would be best for me. I don't really like going to clubs or bars.

As for interests I don't know what a girl would like that would interest or impress her. I like video games, all types of music, horror movies. I like... Trying to stay fit, long walks, jogging, hiking/exploring woodland trails, going for a drive around town, I like cooking a bit. That's about it.

My idea of the perfect night would be going out for ice cream and then coming home to cuddle together while watching a movie or tv show. Obviously that is not first date stuff, lol. But that's just where I'd see things going after a few dates, to give you an idea of the type of guy I am.

Are those... "valid" interests? Does that say anything about me? Maybe I'm boring haha. But I want a girl like that. I'm not trying to take things too seriously but the end goal is a relationship. If it happens with girl one, great, girl 10, great. But I read all these dating tips and some of them just aren't me, but I've also read some amazing advice I never even thought of that has given me newfound confidence. But the first move is the hardest.

Any advice on where I should start looking? I think I've settled on a dating site already, asking a girl out for coffee seems pretty easy compared to some of the shit I had to deal with. lol
 
I'm finally looking to start dating after 8 months since my first relationship ended. The shitty thing is I'm 31. So I've never really dated, my first relationship was with a girl coming out of a bad breakup and I was the rebound guy. So things went really fast. We had sex 2 weeks after meeting and were living together 2 months later. So I know how to do all the heavy lifting so to speak, I was able to go out with this girl, but she made the first move, she started talking to me and asked me out. She initiated everything except sex. After saying we didn't want to move too fast... We went too fast. Fell in love deep and hard and then cut to a "mutual" breakup a year later, the heartache of a first love ending, and at this age... I was depressed for months. But things have been getting better and now I have to move on.

I'm a very shy and quiet person, so meeting people is hard. 1 on 1 I'm actually really great, I can hold a modest conversation and I'm nice, well spoken, fun. I like to smile, and I'm a really attentive listener. I also have great body language. I set people at ease and they generally like me right away. I just want to know what the best way to go is. Should I try seeking a similar personality through online dating? Should I ask friends and relatives if they know anyone? I don't know what would be best for me. I don't really like going to clubs or bars.

As for interests I don't know what a girl would like that would interest or impress her. I like video games, all types of music, horror movies. I like... Trying to stay fit, long walks, jogging, hiking/exploring woodland trails, going for a drive around town, I like cooking a bit. That's about it.

My idea of the perfect night would be going out for ice cream and then coming home to cuddle together while watching a movie or tv show. Obviously that is not first date stuff, lol. But that's just where I'd see things going after a few dates, to give you an idea of the type of guy I am.

Are those... "valid" interests? Does that say anything about me? Maybe I'm boring haha. But I want a girl like that. I'm not trying to take things too seriously but the end goal is a relationship. If it happens with girl one, great, girl 10, great. But I read all these dating tips and some of them just aren't me, but I've also read some amazing advice I never even thought of that has given me newfound confidence. But the first move is the hardest.

Any advice on where I should start looking? I think I've settled on a dating site already, asking a girl out for coffee seems pretty easy compared to some of the shit I had to deal with. lol

Online dating is the easiest, from a cost/return perspective. The only downside is people are very...colorful in their profiles, so unless you spice yourself up you run the risk of being boring. One thing to keep in mind, though, is that like 4/5 girls (100% truthfact stat) are boring too. The problem with online dating is everyone wants to put out what they think other people are attracted to, so you end up with all these twenty-somethings who are world travelers and go out every night and split the rest of their time between charity work and art or some shit.

Seriously though, don't limit yourself to one avenue. Have your friends set you up, hire escorts, do the online dating thing.
 
Seriously mixed signals - should I take all that to mean I have been friend zoned and that shes just super open about her sexuality or is it basically a signal I should make a move and that she just happens to be open enough to mention she's into other dudes?

I don't see mixed signals here. She tells you she wants something with no strings attached, and she is consistent with it by being open about her tastes and her whims of the moment.
I mean, when she says no strings attached she also means "no exclusivity". I think you saw her no strings attached as "we can have a relationship as long as we don't call it like that and as long as other people don't know about it".
Here's the problem: I think this is the typical girl who we've seen many times in the posts of other people in this very thread, who claims to like no string attached relationships and then cant' back that up.
I think that's just bait for guys, to get them to want to be around her and then to shoot them down at the first sign of interest with "I don't see you like that" "you like me more than I like you, but it's ok" "I don't want to ruin our friendship" "I think we are not there yet" and my personal favourite "we just met at the wrong time, I'm so confused".
I get the feeling that you will go for her anyway, no matter what people here tell you, but at least keep in mind this: you've got your hands on something that happens VERY rarely, which is good roommates. You don't want her going around the house telling the other guys how you are "always trying to talk to her" and "don't give her space", how you "didn't take the hint" or in case you take the rejection/stalling in a bad way "I don't understand why he doesn't talk to me anymore/I don't understand why he treats me like that".
The best thing you can do is make the most out of her presence by bringing girls home and show 1- how she is "into you" (real or not, girls who come around won't be able to understand the difference right there) 2- you are cool being around girls and you don't make a move on the first girl you have at hand's reach.
Don't give in.

Quick question, because I am stupid about relationships:

So I've been seeing this girl the past few weeks: we've gone out a few times on the weekends, text daily, and have had sex
yay!
. Today I realized that I'm pretty content with this setup. I had been envisioning jumping right back into serious relationship territory, but now I figured out that I'm really enjoying my freedom, and don't want to go back to a serious relationship yet. This isn't meaning that I want to date multiple people, but I really think that having someone to talk to throughout the week, then going out on the weekend, with no other serious obligations, is a pretty sweet deal.

Onto the question: I have no idea at what point in a normal relationship goes from dating to something more serious, and I don't want to jump the gun on telling her how I feel. My ex-wife and I never really "dated" and were married within a year, so obviously my reference points are all fucked up. I just don't want to have an awkward conversation where I'm like, "look boo, I'm not tryin' to be tied down just yet" only to discover that she hasn't even thought about anything more serious herself.

Help?

I think you have an important issue at hand and I think this might have been the main factor in the reaction of the girl you dated before, the one who vanished after the one night stand: when you don't establish a meaning to a relationship on your end, the other party will do that for you.
I mean, if a girl likes you she wants to know what you want, from your life and from her, so she can also make a decision. Everyone has expectations.
If you keep the situation vague like it is now, I can guarantee you you won't change that down line, especially if you keep getting what you want from her (be it sex, company, or a combination of both). I have seen it happen many times: guys get comfortable with what they have, and make no effort to either define the relationship or make it better because why fix something that isn't broken. And this happens because there is a lot of adjustment and diplomacy on the girl's part, which usually keeps the relationship going but also turns a little crack into a chasm.
The longer you keep the relationship in this state the more defined the relationship will be, only it won't be defined by your intentions but by your actions which she will read god knows how. That's why I tell you this type of girls always breaks the heart of guys: they come under the radar, they give no drama, they support you and they literally feed off your good vibes.
Then all of a sudden they hit guys with "I can't do this anymore" and the guy makes every single mistake in the book: "I can change", "tell me why", "who is he" (XD), "you used me" "I thought you'd be there for me" and so on. You can't expect a relationship to be easy-going, and then develop into something serious.
So yeah, you can tell her what type of relationship you want and maybe loose her, or keep doing what you are doing and loosing her down line, only the damage you'll suffer from the first option is relatively minimal (and not necessarily guaranteed), while if you wait for her to take a decision for you she will do that when you less expect it and when it will hurt the most.
I mean, think about it: this whole process seems to be very relevant to the way you presented your divorce, as if her intention to divorce came out of nowhere. I won't boil down something as big as a marriage to the interest for a girl you still don't know that well, but I don't think I'm too far off the target.
Overall it's a question of just waiting for life to happen to you, or to do your best to steer the world around you in the direction you want. This type of relationship might be what's good for you right now, (as a matter of fact I'm surprised at how much unaffected you seem to be by your divorce) so I won't suggest to drop the bomb on her, but keep in mind sooner or later you'll face the backlash of this undefined situation.

I’m a bit confused as she still seems keen for going out with me because she says things like “sure!” and agrees to it but then she’s saying she isn’t looking for something serious and we’re not on the same page affectionately? So my question is what should I do? If we go out again on a third date this weekend should I bother holding her hand or trying to kiss her? It would be the first time and I was originally planning to hold her hand on this third date and go for a kiss on the lips as well but now I’m not so sure. If I hold her hand during the date she might be like “what are you doing?” or “let go” “remember what I said” etc… Maybe if I kiss her on the lips that might get her on the same page affectionately?

Vampire, I think she's just trying to be gentle and respectful.
As people already told you, the sick/busy thing always resulted in a constant no-go until the guy finally gives up.
I'm not kidding: read the first twenty pages of this thread and take the opportunity to verify first hand how these "I'm busy" "I'm sick" screenplays tend to resolve.
I think the problem was in fact the not kissing her on the lips, but you have to understand that if a girl is passionate chances are this side of her has brought a lot of problems along: if you consider the types of projections guys do on the number of past relationships and sexual experiences, it shouldn't surprise you that a girl who takes the risk of kissing you first (even if it's on the cheek) instead of waiting for "the Man" to make a move, may have second thoughts on how much passionate you can be.
I think she had a clear cut idea of what she wanted from you. I'll launch myself in the most crazy of speculation now:
say she is passionate and she believes in the "opposite attracts" law. Now, judging from your post and I guess your avatar, you don't seem like the most warm and social guy around (I'm not saying this with spite, as I'm also like that). When someone keeps to himself, girls cannot make a call onto whether that's because of shyness, arrogance, disinterest or pure simple apathy. When they go for you to try and find out, you don't have many chances to success: yes, ignoring girls or being aloof gets you a lot of attention, but the fact is that's the most high-risk high-reward approach there is. No one wants to be rejected or feel rejected, and a girl has no way to know if you don't match her level of interest because you are shy or because you plainly don't like her.
I'd say give up and next time you go in for the kiss, go in for the kiss! XD. You now have your experience with the fact that kissing with a bit of nervousness may not be optimal, but it's far better than not kissing at all and make the girls wonder if you will be as hesitant at every step of the way.
 
I think you have an important issue at hand and I think this might have been the main factor in the reaction of the girl you dated before, the one who vanished after the one night stand: when you don't establish a meaning to a relationship on your end, the other party will do that for you.
I mean, if a girl likes you she wants to know what you want, from your life and from her, so she can also make a decision. Everyone has expectations.
If you keep the situation vague like it is now, I can guarantee you you won't change that down line, especially if you keep getting what you want from her (be it sex, company, or a combination of both). I have seen it happen many times: guys get comfortable with what they have, and make no effort to either define the relationship or make it better because why fix something that isn't broken. And this happens because there is a lot of adjustment and diplomacy on the girl's part, which usually keeps the relationship going but also turns a little crack into a chasm.
The longer you keep the relationship in this state the more defined the relationship will be, only it won't be defined by your intentions but by your actions which she will read god knows how. That's why I tell you this type of girls always breaks the heart of guys: they come under the radar, they give no drama, they support you and they literally feed off your good vibes.
Then all of a sudden they hit guys with "I can't do this anymore" and the guy makes every single mistake in the book: "I can change", "tell me why", "who is he" (XD), "you used me" "I thought you'd be there for me" and so on. You can't expect a relationship to be easy-going, and then develop into something serious.
So yeah, you can tell her what type of relationship you want and maybe loose her, or keep doing what you are doing and loosing her down line, only the damage you'll suffer from the first option is relatively minimal (and not necessarily guaranteed), while if you wait for her to take a decision for you she will do that when you less expect it and when it will hurt the most.
I mean, think about it: this whole process seems to be very relevant to the way you presented your divorce, as if her intention to divorce came out of nowhere. I won't boil down something as big as a marriage to the interest for a girl you still don't know that well, but I don't think I'm too far off the target.
Overall it's a question of just waiting for life to happen to you, or to do your best to steer the world around you in the direction you want. This type of relationship might be what's good for you right now, (as a matter of fact I'm surprised at how much unaffected you seem to be by your divorce) so I won't suggest to drop the bomb on her, but keep in mind sooner or later you'll face the backlash of this undefined situation.

Thanks for the advice. I know it's better to explain everything to her sooner rather than later, I just didn't know how soon was normal. But yeah, it's weird...I always thought people were insane for telling me not to get back into a relationship right after my wife left, but now I see what they mean. Now that I think about it, this is the first time in my life I've had true independence, and it's nice.
 
At the gym I want to work out and focus on myself. Doing sports are kinda the same thing.
Concerts are parties.
You can approach people at a coffee shop in the middle of the day? Sceptical.


So you just don't see them as opportunities to meet someone, and some do. It really depends on what you're comfortable with.

I have friends who can pickup in a grocery store. I have no clue how they do it, but they do. So it's what you make of things.
 
At the gym I want to work out and focus on myself. Doing sports are kinda the same thing.
Concerts are parties.
You can approach people at a coffee shop in the middle of the day? Sceptical.

You might not be able to approach someone at a coffee shop, but you're placing yourself in a situation where at least there's a chance someone will approach you.
I hate approaching someone when I'm out clubbing with friends, because I'm usually high or drunk and I'm too self conscious about not being totally in control. Doesn't mean things never happened while I was out clubbing though.
 
I am making a very sad and angry look at my screen right now. This why I fucking hate dating. You're going out with someone, having a great time, think you're on the same page, girl gives NO sign in person that she's not feeling it, then the bombs start dropping from behind the text/chat wall......she's not interested anymore dude.
.

Well, maybe she didn't give a sign that she's "not feeling it" but did she give any that she was? Would you rather she be like, "No I'm not going to hang out with you at all because I don't want anything serious"? I think the girl referenced there handled it fairly well.

I don't see why it's a big deal. She likes his company but doesn't want anything romantic and told him. He can keep her as a friend and move on trying to find something more.
 
Quick question, because I am stupid about relationships:

So I've been seeing this girl the past few weeks: we've gone out a few times on the weekends, text daily, and have had sex
yay!
. Today I realized that I'm pretty content with this setup. I had been envisioning jumping right back into serious relationship territory, but now I figured out that I'm really enjoying my freedom, and don't want to go back to a serious relationship yet. This isn't meaning that I want to date multiple people, but I really think that having someone to talk to throughout the week, then going out on the weekend, with no other serious obligations, is a pretty sweet deal.

Onto the question: I have no idea at what point in a normal relationship goes from dating to something more serious, and I don't want to jump the gun on telling her how I feel. My ex-wife and I never really "dated" and were married within a year, so obviously my reference points are all fucked up. I just don't want to have an awkward conversation where I'm like, "look boo, I'm not tryin' to be tied down just yet" only to discover that she hasn't even thought about anything more serious herself.

Help?

I never get what people mean when they say a relationship is "serious". Here's a talk from Alan Watts, called "Is It Serious?". What kind of obligations are you talking of? What's the difference between having someone to talk to and dating them once in a while with having a girlfriend you talk to and go out with once in a while?

My bafflement of this philosophical aspect, aside.. well, it's not really like I can throw it all the way aside, because the confusion and frustration stems from this notion. If you like hanging out with her, why not keep hanging out with her the way you do? Why be content with the way things are, and then go "oh, but I don't want anything serious".

I think I need some clarification before I can better answer this.

So I've been seeing this girl I met on Tinder and we have been out on two dates so far and both have been really great.

The first was coffee and we talked for hours and had a really great time. At the end she kissed me on the cheek when we said our goodbyes.

The second was a bowling then arcade then coffee date. I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and at the end gave her another kiss on the cheek. ( I went in for a kiss on the lips but I wasn't sure if she was leaning into it so I just defaulted to the cheek ) That date was also really great and we had lots of fun.

It’s been two weeks since the second date as she had been sick and now is busy being back teaching at University. During that time she was sick I had asked about a third date and she said "Sure! but it would have to be next week" (so this week).

I chatted to her last night on Facebook for the first time in a few days since she has been sick/busy and was trying to organize a day for a third date. That’s when she said to me that her schedule is a bit crazy at the moment and she would get back to me but that she also wanted to "remind me that she is not wanting anything serious"...........

What? I really don’t remember her ever saying that to me before!

I was a bit shocked at her saying that and I kinda played it off saying that’s cool and whenever she had a free moment like maybe the weekend to which she said: "sounds good :)"

She also mentioned to me that I'm cool to be around but she isn't sure we are on the same page when it comes to affectionate feelings though which I countered by saying that’s alright and I think it’s too early for feelings to happen anyway and that I've only known her for a short time which she agreed.

So I'm really not sure where to go from here……..

I’m a bit confused as she still seems keen for going out with me because she says things like “sure!” and agrees to it but then she’s saying she isn’t looking for something serious and we’re not on the same page affectionately? So my question is what should I do? If we go out again on a third date this weekend should I bother holding her hand or trying to kiss her? It would be the first time and I was originally planning to hold her hand on this third date and go for a kiss on the lips as well but now I’m not so sure. If I hold her hand during the date she might be like “what are you doing?” or “let go” “remember what I said” etc… Maybe if I kiss her on the lips that might get her on the same page affectionately?

She's just not that into you. Sorry. You can try and see if you can figure out if you feel you did anything you wish you hadn't. If you felt like you were pushing more than she was, or something like that.

She decided to get some distance. That's not your fault, but it is something you can have triggered. At any rate, it's worth working to understand what happened in the situation. But you can't change the fact that someone just pushes away from you. So.. just let her go. It may sting, but this one's over.
 
At the gym I want to work out and focus on myself. Doing sports are kinda the same thing.
Concerts are parties.
You can approach people at a coffee shop in the middle of the day? Sceptical.

You can meet someone literally anywhere.
There was a thread a while ago asking where people met their SOs. There was everything from bus stops to to book stores to beaches. The easiest way is through friends. Be an awesome person and your friends will talk you up to their friends and so on. Just don't be afraid to talk to people, but of course don't push it if they're uninterested.
 
So GF I have been dating for 5-6 months were at 99% done until I saved the day, at the end she kissed me multiple times and are slowly talking again, been almost 1 week since the actual fight, how long does it take for the healing process, should I ask her for a date soon or wait?

Today was the first time she initiated the first contact since the huge fight, before it was just me asking her about her day, should I continue slow or just outright ask her out again.
 
At the gym I want to work out and focus on myself. Doing sports are kinda the same thing.
Concerts are parties.
You can approach people at a coffee shop in the middle of the day? Sceptical.

Look at it this way. If you never do approach any girls in any places like this, if you are so skeptical that you won't say hi to the cute girl at a coffee place or stop a girl that's passing you on the street, or anything like that, then you will never get to meet any of those girls. So, if they are girls you will never interact with, what does it matter if you just go out of your comfort-zone, talk to them, and get rejected? You'll learn a ton, and some will be really open to you approaching them like that.

I agree, the gym might not be a good place. I wouldn't go there to hit on women, but I wouldn't not talk to a girl if there was a natural situation. I've been walking back to the locker room, with some girl walking the same way, and just gone "Don't you just love being done with a good work out??". I was also stopped by a cute girl trying to push a gym membership on me, to which I replied I was doing P90X3 at home, and didn't need a membership. She asked what it was, and by the time I was done telling her about it, SHE was sold on P90X3. She was really open to me, and I to her. I probably could've asked for her number, but I refrained because I'm not there yet. But the point is that that interaction still was a huge boost to me. Some random cute girl just loved hearing what you had to say? That's a good feeling!

It's not always about "getting a girl" or "finding a date". Sometimes it's just about being a fun person that enjoying a challenge and isn't afraid of talking to people. I literally talked to an older woman I passed about the weather. And also about the blackbird when I stop to hear it's song. Even talking with guys is a great boost, because it's not about "OH MY GOD, I WANT TO PUT MY PENIS INSIDE OF YOU", but that people like you as the person you are. That'll make you a more whole person more than any date can.

So GF I have been dating for 5-6 months were at 99% done until I saved the day, at the end she kissed me multiple times and are slowly talking again, been almost 1 week since the actual fight, how long does it take for the healing process, should I ask her for a date soon or wait?

You have a girlfriend of 6 months that you had an argument with? Healing process? Heal from what? If you fought and you saved the day, why didn't you continue on like normal? Why haven't you been talking in the mean time? Why don't you just talk with her and not necessarily have it be about a date?
 
I don't even.
Why are women so hard to understand, man?

So last saturday night I went out with a girl I used to work with (It's a different girl from my last posts from a few weeks ago). I knew this girl had a thing for me because I work with her cousin and he told me, anyway, she decided to spend her bday on saturday with me, we went to a bar, we talked a lot, had a great time together, and at the end we kissed. I proposed to continue her bday on my place (haha) and she said yes. We ended up having sex, she spent the night over and the day after we had such a great time together, we spent the whole day together.

Now I'm the one texting her out, asking how is she, and it's been two days and I haven't heard a word from her, I don't understand, she used to talk to me frequently, but I'm starting to think that she was more interested when I wasn't into her. (I barely texted her back, she always initiated the conversations, etc).

Am I being a pussy here? Should I just don't give a fuck and wait for her to say something?

I really like her :S, it's weird because a few days ago she was a "meh" for me, I guess sex changes everything, lol
 
I don't even.
Why are women so hard to understand, man?

So last saturday night I went out with a girl I used to work with (It's a different girl from my last posts from a few weeks ago). I knew this girl had a thing for me because I work with her cousin and he told me, anyway, she decided to spend her bday on saturday with me, we went to a bar, we talked a lot, had a great time together, and at the end we kissed. I proposed to continue her bday on my place (haha) and she said yes. We ended up having sex, she spent the night over and the day after we had such a great time together, we spent the whole day together.

Now I'm the one texting her out, asking how is she, and it's been two days and I haven't heard a word from her, I don't understand, she used to talk to me frequently, but I'm starting to think that she was more interested when I wasn't into her. (I barely texted her back, she always initiated the conversations, etc).

Am I being a pussy here? Should I just don't give a fuck and wait for her to say something?

I really like her :S, it's weird because a few days ago she was a "meh" for me, I guess sex changes everything, lol

Step back, and sex does change everything. Sometimes. Just step back.
 
Dating takes a lot of effort. I'm lazy. I'm also very lonely. I think I might be lazier though. Fuuuuuck. I want to skip dating and just be in a comfy relationship already.
 
So GF I have been dating for 5-6 months were at 99% done until I saved the day, at the end she kissed me multiple times and are slowly talking again, been almost 1 week since the actual fight, how long does it take for the healing process, should I ask her for a date soon or wait?

Today was the first time she initiated the first contact since the huge fight, before it was just me asking her about her day, should I continue slow or just outright ask her out again.

What was the fight about? If you broke her trust somehow then it'll probably take time to fix the damage. If it was just a disagreement about something then you should just be carrying on as normal. If you want to see her, just ask her to do something.

quoting myself since I think I got lost at the end of the last page. halp

It sounds to me like you don't need to do anything if you're happy with the way things are, especially if it's only been a few weeks. If things change (you're not happy with the way things are going, she makes it clear she wants something more [or less] serious, etc) then bring the subject up.

Alternatively, tell her you're enjoying spending time with her but you don't know what she's looking for and you don't want to give her the wrong impression (ie that you want something serious). It's good to be upfront about your intentions, especially if you just want a bit of fun.

Dating takes a lot of effort. I'm lazy. I'm also very lonely. I think I might be lazier though. Fuuuuuck. I want to skip dating and just be in a comfy relationship already.

Friends are good for loneliness. And they'll make it easier to find a gf. As well treating your depression.
 
Dating is hard work and can be really exhausting. Sometimes I feel also really tired of the whole dating thing. Especially after longer relationships.

It can be really rewarding though. It's amazing to see and feel the progress you're making with the girl. I've had one of the most incredible experiences in my life in the dating phase of a relationship. It can be magical and definitely worth the hard work.
 
I don't even.
Why are women so hard to understand, man?

So last saturday night I went out with a girl I used to work with (It's a different girl from my last posts from a few weeks ago). I knew this girl had a thing for me because I work with her cousin and he told me, anyway, she decided to spend her bday on saturday with me, we went to a bar, we talked a lot, had a great time together, and at the end we kissed. I proposed to continue her bday on my place (haha) and she said yes. We ended up having sex, she spent the night over and the day after we had such a great time together, we spent the whole day together.

Now I'm the one texting her out, asking how is she, and it's been two days and I haven't heard a word from her, I don't understand, she used to talk to me frequently, but I'm starting to think that she was more interested when I wasn't into her. (I barely texted her back, she always initiated the conversations, etc).

Am I being a pussy here? Should I just don't give a fuck and wait for her to say something?

I really like her :S, it's weird because a few days ago she was a "meh" for me, I guess sex changes everything, lol

Maybe you should take a step back on the texting and whatnot. Had this happen with a friend, a girl was really into him but he got a bit too pushy after he was into her and it kinda backfired.

They're cool again now though. I wouldnt worry too much about it, she'll initiate contact again.
 
It can also be quite scary if you go too far with someone you don't really share a connection with.

Yeah absolutely, you just have to be a man and bail out early on. It will be fair for both parties. I've heard some horror stories though where someone started acting absolutely insane when trying to get attention.
 
Alright...this is 100% serious and not a joke post

I had sex for the first time in years, and I went without a condom(really dumb, I know). Anyway, I can't be 100% sure if I came inside of her or not. I know I didnt orgasm, I pulled out well before that occurred and I reached it through other means fully shortly after. I was a bit drunk, and I worry that maybe a stray squirt escaped during the sex.

Am I being paranoid here....I really cant get it out of my mind whether I came a bit without being 100% sure..
 
Alright...this is 100% serious and not a joke post

I had sex for the first time in years, and I went without a condom(really dumb, I know). Anyway, I can't be 100% sure if I came inside of her or not. I know I didnt orgasm, I pulled out well before that occurred and I reached it through other means fully shortly after. I was a bit drunk, and I worry that maybe a stray squirt escaped during the sex.

Am I being paranoid here....I really cant get it out of my mind whether I came a bit without being 100% sure..
She could get pregnant from the pre-cum, which more than likely came out. But getting pregnant is actually not a super easy thing statistically if you look at the odds (well it should be considering the amount of sperms in one load but still). When did this occur? Yesterday? It's impossible to tell how safe or screwed you are to be honest. Talk to her if you're worried. As a sidenote, I've been having sex without any kind of protection regularly (sue me GAF), a few times every week, with one girl for the past six weeks, and nothing so far. I haven't come close to cumming inside her either, but that's no guarantee whatsoever. I'm kind of pulling this out of my ass right now because I don't know where I've read it, but iirc, getting a girl pregnant from one load of cum is almost a miracle chance wise. (yet it keeps on happening)
 
She could get pregnant from the pre-cum, which more than likely came out. But getting pregnant is actually not a super easy thing statistically if you look at the odds (well it should be considering the amount of sperms in one load but still). When did this occur? Yesterday? It's impossible to tell how safe or screwed you are to be honest. Talk to her if you're worried. As a sidenote, I've been having sex without any kind of protection regularly (sue me GAF), a few times every week, with one girl for the past six weeks, and nothing so far. I haven't come close to cumming inside her either, but that's no guarantee whatsoever. I'm kind of pulling this out of my ass right now because I don't know where I've read it, but iirc, getting a girl pregnant from one load of cum is almost a miracle chance wise. (yet it keeps on happening)

Thanks man...I have this strange scenario in my head that I came without feeling the orgasm, pulled out with fear, kept the same hard on, she gives me the full orgasm 15ish minutes later through other means.

Perhaps I should calm down, or mention plan b pill to her asap.
 
Alright...this is 100% serious and not a joke post

I had sex for the first time in years, and I went without a condom(really dumb, I know). Anyway, I can't be 100% sure if I came inside of her or not. I know I didnt orgasm, I pulled out well before that occurred and I reached it through other means fully shortly after. I was a bit drunk, and I worry that maybe a stray squirt escaped during the sex.

Am I being paranoid here....I really cant get it out of my mind whether I came a bit without being 100% sure..

You're not being paranoid. You know what you did was really fucking stupid, but you need to let her know she should take steps like Plan B, as well as both get tested.
 
Its the instead part, as it implies you wanted to hug something else, presumably a human and since we are in the dating age thread, presumably a male human.

Haha sure, but I don't have any male friends, let alone close male friends, and I don't really want to make any, so que sera sera. Haha. :)
 
Alright...this is 100% serious and not a joke post

I had sex for the first time in years, and I went without a condom(really dumb, I know). Anyway, I can't be 100% sure if I came inside of her or not. I know I didnt orgasm, I pulled out well before that occurred and I reached it through other means fully shortly after. I was a bit drunk, and I worry that maybe a stray squirt escaped during the sex.

Am I being paranoid here....I really cant get it out of my mind whether I came a bit without being 100% sure..

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Talk to her. If this is something you think you'll lose sleep over, pull her aside and ask her if she had any contraceptive.
 
You're not being paranoid. You know what you did was really fucking stupid, but you need to let her know she should take steps like Plan B, as well as both get tested.

Yes, never again, I don't care how drunk and horny I am. Its so unromantic to have to talk about such a thing after a first night together, but our long-term futures are more important.
 
She could get pregnant from the pre-cum, which more than likely came out. But getting pregnant is actually not a super easy thing statistically if you look at the odds (well it should be considering the amount of sperms in one load but still). When did this occur? Yesterday? It's impossible to tell how safe or screwed you are to be honest. Talk to her if you're worried. As a sidenote, I've been having sex without any kind of protection regularly (sue me GAF), a few times every week, with one girl for the past six weeks, and nothing so far. I haven't come close to cumming inside her either, but that's no guarantee whatsoever. I'm kind of pulling this out of my ass right now because I don't know where I've read it, but iirc, getting a girl pregnant from one load of cum is almost a miracle chance wise. (yet it keeps on happening)

I read about your lack of sensitivity, so you might have a smaller chance of fucking things up, but you should really stop this. It's been quite a while since this happened to me, but deciding on whether you want to keep a kid, or go for abortion is really reeeaaaally fucking hard. Please reconsider what you're doing.
 
So GAF I ended a ~3.5 year Long Term Relationship of about about a month and a half ago, because it really needed to die.
I decided to just hit up a bar by myself on Valentine's Day to see a band and ended up getting kinda drunk, kissed a girl on the dance floor, got her number. We went out about a week after that and I've seen her 3/4 times since.

She's super cool and pretty, and it seems like we're both pretty into it. But she's five years older than I am (26/31) and I really don't think I want to be in another thing right away. I let her know the second time we went out how recently I got out of the LTR, but didn't give much else in the way of details.

I dunno if I have a specific question here... just wanted to sort of write this down. How would you navigate this situation?
 
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