Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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criesofthepast
Member
.
Encouragement is always appreciated here. Thank you.
I really feel like my life is better when I have things to do and am stressed. It's always been this way, it helps me relax and enjoy things when I am busy.
I remember all throughout university, the main times I could relax and enjoy hobbies was when I had a deadline. Exam in two days? Time to learn some programming for fun. Those long periods of having nothing to do.. I did nothing. All hobbies sorta stopped. I would just sit around and veg.
The reason I bring this up is that I've been super busy lately. I started a business and it's been quite the experience. But all this stress and pressure and everything has reminded me how much better I am when it exists.
Heck, I got through like 6 RPGS in the past month. (DQ4,5,6, 9 Tales of the abyss, FF four heroes of light) I haven't played that many games in a long long time.
Feels great
I remember all throughout university, the main times I could relax and enjoy hobbies was when I had a deadline. Exam in two days? Time to learn some programming for fun. Those long periods of having nothing to do.. I did nothing. All hobbies sorta stopped. I would just sit around and veg.
The reason I bring this up is that I've been super busy lately. I started a business and it's been quite the experience. But all this stress and pressure and everything has reminded me how much better I am when it exists.
Heck, I got through like 6 RPGS in the past month. (DQ4,5,6, 9 Tales of the abyss, FF four heroes of light) I haven't played that many games in a long long time.
Feels great
First time posting in this thread, I think. This is going to be a long, rambling, mostly incoherent post.
I'm studying in a different country for a semester. Living in a dorm for the first time, since I live at home and commute to my home university. I really like living on my own, and I like all my flatmates - a few of us cook regularly around the same time, and it's nice to have the company. I feel like we get along well.
Some of my flatmates have cultivated whole circles of friends outside of the flat. A few others haven't, I don't think. I've made plans with the latter to go out on weekends, which is good. I've also got a friend I know from before, who has one of the same classes as me.
(Not sure why I'm telling you this - establish the situation, I guess; the point is, I'm not friendless, and that's great)
Taking three courses this semester. In one, I've got that friend (mentioned above). In Class 2, I have an acquaintance, but my general quietness has made her lose interest in me, I think. Don't really have anyone to talk to in that one.
Class 3 - tricky one. On the first day, I struck up conversation with a guy while waiting for the class to begin. On subsequent days, we've exchanged a few words, and I've also talked to one of his friends in a discussion section. We seemed to get along okay - we'd sit together for discussions, and she would withstand my meager attempts at conversation.
I'm terrible at speaking first. I always need encouragement, or a sign, or anything I can take as "permission" to engage in conversation. I also didn't know what the Class 3 folks thought of me - an acquaintance?
I fucked up. I basically ignored them, from their point of view. Whenever I get to class, they're usually sitting with their "posse." I usually sit a row or two apart from them. When class gets out, I go straight to the door. I regret that, but I don't like waiting around to try and talk to them, especially when they're already talking to someone and I'm not sure if they would welcome my intrusion.
I've been getting to class just before it starts, and without that waiting time before class, I don't really have a chance to talk. I hadn't talked to them for a day, and in the next discussion section the whole group of friends didn't show up. Next class day (today), I got to the classroom fairly early, and the guy who talked to me on the first day was already talking with someone else. I could easily have said 'Hi' or something, but of course I didn't. So I spent the five minutes before class awkwardly standing a little off to the side, as he kind of glanced over at me occasionally and I tried my best to feign ignorance.
Gah, I feel like an asshole. I'm doing things that no normal human being would do, and coming off like an aloof psychopath in the process. (Not sure if the scenario I outlined above is intelligible at all).
It wasn't really a friendship, but I feel like I just ruined something that could have turned into a friendship. At the very least, I'd have a companion or two in the class. I want nothing more than to see them next class and clear things up - tell them that nothing I did is a reflection on them, that it's all on me. As I've never done anything remotely like that in my life (confront people with my anxieties, that is), I doubt that's in my future, which means it'll all be just another failed attempt at human contact, which sucks.
I'm studying in a different country for a semester. Living in a dorm for the first time, since I live at home and commute to my home university. I really like living on my own, and I like all my flatmates - a few of us cook regularly around the same time, and it's nice to have the company. I feel like we get along well.
Some of my flatmates have cultivated whole circles of friends outside of the flat. A few others haven't, I don't think. I've made plans with the latter to go out on weekends, which is good. I've also got a friend I know from before, who has one of the same classes as me.
(Not sure why I'm telling you this - establish the situation, I guess; the point is, I'm not friendless, and that's great)
Taking three courses this semester. In one, I've got that friend (mentioned above). In Class 2, I have an acquaintance, but my general quietness has made her lose interest in me, I think. Don't really have anyone to talk to in that one.
Class 3 - tricky one. On the first day, I struck up conversation with a guy while waiting for the class to begin. On subsequent days, we've exchanged a few words, and I've also talked to one of his friends in a discussion section. We seemed to get along okay - we'd sit together for discussions, and she would withstand my meager attempts at conversation.
I'm terrible at speaking first. I always need encouragement, or a sign, or anything I can take as "permission" to engage in conversation. I also didn't know what the Class 3 folks thought of me - an acquaintance?
I fucked up. I basically ignored them, from their point of view. Whenever I get to class, they're usually sitting with their "posse." I usually sit a row or two apart from them. When class gets out, I go straight to the door. I regret that, but I don't like waiting around to try and talk to them, especially when they're already talking to someone and I'm not sure if they would welcome my intrusion.
I've been getting to class just before it starts, and without that waiting time before class, I don't really have a chance to talk. I hadn't talked to them for a day, and in the next discussion section the whole group of friends didn't show up. Next class day (today), I got to the classroom fairly early, and the guy who talked to me on the first day was already talking with someone else. I could easily have said 'Hi' or something, but of course I didn't. So I spent the five minutes before class awkwardly standing a little off to the side, as he kind of glanced over at me occasionally and I tried my best to feign ignorance.
Gah, I feel like an asshole. I'm doing things that no normal human being would do, and coming off like an aloof psychopath in the process. (Not sure if the scenario I outlined above is intelligible at all).
It wasn't really a friendship, but I feel like I just ruined something that could have turned into a friendship. At the very least, I'd have a companion or two in the class. I want nothing more than to see them next class and clear things up - tell them that nothing I did is a reflection on them, that it's all on me. As I've never done anything remotely like that in my life (confront people with my anxieties, that is), I doubt that's in my future, which means it'll all be just another failed attempt at human contact, which sucks.
PM me if you want.
User 100115
Banned
I know some of you have been following my health drama, wanted to update.
I've been officially diagnosed with RA. I'm on some scary as hell medicine (basically cancer drugs) that is already making me feel like shit, but hopefully it will stop the progression of the disease. If this doesn't work I get to move to progressively more scary drugs, yay.
But hey...it wasn't lupus!
I've been officially diagnosed with RA. I'm on some scary as hell medicine (basically cancer drugs) that is already making me feel like shit, but hopefully it will stop the progression of the disease. If this doesn't work I get to move to progressively more scary drugs, yay.
But hey...it wasn't lupus!
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
As in Arthritis?
My sister has JRA but it doesn't sound as severe as what you got. Hope everything works out for you.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I'm premed nursing. And I hate nursing. It's nothing I want to do in life and I know what medicine is. At every clinical I'm shadowing doctors instead of nurses. The nurses don't like that. Neither do the students. But seriously sometimes I wish I hadn't done it and just done a BS in BIO or something. It's a tad depressing. I went to a Mental Health ward for clinical today and it got me feeling better about being around people, but worse because I feel like there's less support from nurses at my college.
It's not a big deal in the big picture, but I've been told "I'm socially awkward, I'm super weird, and I ask questions unrelated to nursing". What can you get more excited about? I mean really. I ask questions because my interest are in another department or science. They treat my questions like I'm writing scientific research. I see Mental Health GAF, and all I think about it how depressing students and a life in a small town away from home can get. I'm staying focused, but the things that people do sometimes can cause a greater stir once they build and build.
I'm also 1 out of 3 males out of 46 students.
It's not a big deal in the big picture, but I've been told "I'm socially awkward, I'm super weird, and I ask questions unrelated to nursing". What can you get more excited about? I mean really. I ask questions because my interest are in another department or science. They treat my questions like I'm writing scientific research. I see Mental Health GAF, and all I think about it how depressing students and a life in a small town away from home can get. I'm staying focused, but the things that people do sometimes can cause a greater stir once they build and build.
I'm also 1 out of 3 males out of 46 students.
User 100115
Banned
Yeah. Mine isn't just affecting my joints though, but also my circulatory system. The inflammation was getting bad enough that my feet were turning purple :/
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
Did they put you on some DMARDs? I know NSAIDs aren't the first line therapy drug anymore. Learned that in pharm class. I hear you need to see an actual specialist outside just a primary care giver because they can prescribe the wrong drugs.
User 100115
Banned
Yeah I am on methotrexate. I'm seeing a rheumatologist. I'm calling him in the morning if this amazingly bad hip and knee pain doesn't let up (it's apparently a possible side effect yay)
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
Just curious, have you read the Adverse Effects/Side Effects/Drug drug interactions/ Drug food interactions about this medication? http://www.rxlist.com/trexall-drug/side-effects-interactions.htm
Did they give you proper medication teaching about the meds when you left your care giver's office? You should always look at that. Plus never take Grapefruit juice or St. John's Wart with prescription medications.
User 100115
Banned
They gave me a pamphlet and told me to call if there are any side effects. I'm also on folic acid to reduce the side effects apparently (haha) and a steroid for two weeks to try to get the inflammation down as quickly as possible. I took four yesterday, I supposed to take six next week and eight every week thereafter.
I've had some nausea so far but around four today the joint pain started and just increased to the point where I'm riding an eight or nine on the pain scale. And I can't take any Tylenol or anything gah.
Like, I've had four abdonmal surgeries and this pain is worse. Likely because then I had pain killer support.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
That 8/9 sounds like you need to describe every detail to your primary care provider as soon as you can!!! Don't even skip around words. Tylenol likes to mask pain, it works on perception rather than the site of injury (Ibuprofen or Aspirin). Tylenol is also hard on the liver. I'd ask your PCP if there is anything you can do to treat your symptoms and/or side effects. You have to make sure to do this! I'd stick to what you were ordered, but if you experience anything unusual you got to go straight to your doctor.
Do you know any relaxation therapies? http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/chronic-pain/11-chronic-pain-control-techniques Non-medicated therapy can help too.
Your pain scale ranking concerns me.
Pain killers can make you develop a tolerance, which can offset what its meant to do. Its therapeutic effect. I hope you feel better and wish the best.
User 100115
Banned
I'm calling my Doctor first thing in the morning, don't worry. It's likely that I'm just a wuss. Some googling found other people experiencing the same kind of pain on this drug, so I'm not too scared, just...fuck, this is awful.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
When it comes to pain and any SE/ADE of medications. Those two are looked at as being very serious. Not only are they causing you harm, but possibly hard down the road. I think that is best too. Just make sure you're listening to your body and not what you want your brain to tell your body.
http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/guide/rheumatoid-arthritis-medications
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Damn :/
BuggyDClown
Member
Have my usually appointment with my doc tomorrow. It's for ADD and anxiety, but mostly for ADD. Going to try and bring up some stuff instead of just saying I'm good like I usually do. I have a hard time opening up and I think it would do me some good to tell my doctor about my stress and anxiety issues.
I've talked about it before, but usually pretty briefly. I'm hoping to actually go in depth further with it. I've made a lot of strides and personal gains these last few months, but i still feel restless and have bad anxiety attacks from time to time. I don't want to regress, I'm liking the person I'm becoming for once ha.
I've talked about it before, but usually pretty briefly. I'm hoping to actually go in depth further with it. I've made a lot of strides and personal gains these last few months, but i still feel restless and have bad anxiety attacks from time to time. I don't want to regress, I'm liking the person I'm becoming for once ha.
The trip to the specialist was a complete bust. He started out seeming very pleasant but once he figured out I'd tried everything he had to offer (a stunning array of drugs), he got very standoffish. Apparently doctors don't like knowing they're useless. Imagine that. I left the appointment feeling very nauseous but had no time to deal with these emotions because I had to meet with a friend an hour later and then got stuck at the airport for hours on end.
I finally broke down tonight and grieved. Seems like there's no hope after all. But then, when did I ever believe there was? The worst part is that I lied to my mom because the whole thing was her desperate idea and she needs to feel like things will be okay. I won't be able to hold that illusion up for long but maybe she'll get a few weeks or months of peace out of it.
I finally broke down tonight and grieved. Seems like there's no hope after all. But then, when did I ever believe there was? The worst part is that I lied to my mom because the whole thing was her desperate idea and she needs to feel like things will be okay. I won't be able to hold that illusion up for long but maybe she'll get a few weeks or months of peace out of it.
Velcro Fly
Member
I've been doing really good lately.
Then today I was out with my mom getting a gift for a retirement party we're going to this weekend. I come home and my dad wrote me a note pretty much insulting me for having issues. I have no health insurance so I'm undiagnosed but I'm not fine. I've felt fine before in my life and this isn't it. He told me to find a job in the next 60 days or I'm likely going to be on the street. I didn't show my mom and I have no idea what she would say but I think I'm too afraid that they are both on board with this and I don't think I could handle that right now.
I don't think I've ever felt more leaving or even worse just slugging him in the face. I have no idea what prompted this either.humiliated in my life. I just went in my room and curled up on my bed for an hour. I couldn't decide if I was more angry, upset, or to just give up. I already feel almost daily that I'm worthless. I've thought several times in the past that my family would be better off without me. I've struggled for a few years now to hold things together and hoped that things would get better but today proved that I wasn't doing as well as I thought.
I'm more afraid now of ending up homeless than anything else. I could barely eat dinner. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I still have the note sitting on my bed and I'm afraid to even go into my room and see it sitting there for fear of it setting me off again. I feel like I should toughen up but knowing a parent is kinda giving up on you just validates all the horrible things you hear in your head every day. I have friends I could probably stay with in the really short term if I absolutely have to, how the hell can I even ask that. I feel ashamed enough as it is.
In closing, this was the worst day I've had in a while. It doesn't matter how many good days in a row I have, it only takes one to bring me right back down.
Then today I was out with my mom getting a gift for a retirement party we're going to this weekend. I come home and my dad wrote me a note pretty much insulting me for having issues. I have no health insurance so I'm undiagnosed but I'm not fine. I've felt fine before in my life and this isn't it. He told me to find a job in the next 60 days or I'm likely going to be on the street. I didn't show my mom and I have no idea what she would say but I think I'm too afraid that they are both on board with this and I don't think I could handle that right now.
I don't think I've ever felt more leaving or even worse just slugging him in the face. I have no idea what prompted this either.humiliated in my life. I just went in my room and curled up on my bed for an hour. I couldn't decide if I was more angry, upset, or to just give up. I already feel almost daily that I'm worthless. I've thought several times in the past that my family would be better off without me. I've struggled for a few years now to hold things together and hoped that things would get better but today proved that I wasn't doing as well as I thought.
I'm more afraid now of ending up homeless than anything else. I could barely eat dinner. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I still have the note sitting on my bed and I'm afraid to even go into my room and see it sitting there for fear of it setting me off again. I feel like I should toughen up but knowing a parent is kinda giving up on you just validates all the horrible things you hear in your head every day. I have friends I could probably stay with in the really short term if I absolutely have to, how the hell can I even ask that. I feel ashamed enough as it is.
In closing, this was the worst day I've had in a while. It doesn't matter how many good days in a row I have, it only takes one to bring me right back down.
Hey howdy,
First things first: I've got depression, anxiety, a possible attention disorder (parents and therapist agree about getting evaluated), and all that fun stuff.
So, I'm in university. I fucked up last quarter and now I'm on a GPA contract that I have to fulfill to prevent myself from being kicked out. Sucks, right? On top of that, my income is based almost entirely on financial aid (I get a pretty robust package, thankfully), so if I get kicked out, I'm screwed. And yet I'm sitting here after a few papers have been due and I haven't even started on them. I'm doing fine in most of my classes, I think, but it's really all dependent on these last few assignments and my performance on a couple finals next week.
But I can't get myself to do them. I don't know why. I feel like I want to, I really enjoy all the material, and I actually do crave that satisfaction of completing them. I just wont, and I can't even explain the feeling. I've dealt with it my entire life I think, but I don't feel like it's ever been this bad. Thing is, I have the privacy and the time to do it all. I've really got nothing stopping me except stress. But I don't do the work. I don't do anything. I also have multiple parking tickets I haven't taken care of, my car registration is last due and I haven't taken care of the fix-it ticket I got for that, I haven't made the appointment for that ADHD evaluation that I was supposed to make about two months ago, I'm a month behind on rent and haven't contacted the housing office to figure something out. And I just barely finished a portion of a study abroad application that was due yesterday.
The only thing I can get myself to do is look up videos on YouTube and watch a portion of them, occupy myself with food, or play World of Warcraft for a bit until I get even more bored.
It really stresses me out and feeds into my other issues, but I just don't know where to start. It doesn't feel like simple procrastination, if there's such a thing. This is something a lot more intense, like I'm not even in control of myself.
Anyway, it's just really bumming me out and I'd like someone to talk about it, if anyone's got any experience with this type of feeling around here. Which I'm sure you do because we're all human. I think.
Anyone else feel like they just can't get themselves to do anything?
First things first: I've got depression, anxiety, a possible attention disorder (parents and therapist agree about getting evaluated), and all that fun stuff.
So, I'm in university. I fucked up last quarter and now I'm on a GPA contract that I have to fulfill to prevent myself from being kicked out. Sucks, right? On top of that, my income is based almost entirely on financial aid (I get a pretty robust package, thankfully), so if I get kicked out, I'm screwed. And yet I'm sitting here after a few papers have been due and I haven't even started on them. I'm doing fine in most of my classes, I think, but it's really all dependent on these last few assignments and my performance on a couple finals next week.
But I can't get myself to do them. I don't know why. I feel like I want to, I really enjoy all the material, and I actually do crave that satisfaction of completing them. I just wont, and I can't even explain the feeling. I've dealt with it my entire life I think, but I don't feel like it's ever been this bad. Thing is, I have the privacy and the time to do it all. I've really got nothing stopping me except stress. But I don't do the work. I don't do anything. I also have multiple parking tickets I haven't taken care of, my car registration is last due and I haven't taken care of the fix-it ticket I got for that, I haven't made the appointment for that ADHD evaluation that I was supposed to make about two months ago, I'm a month behind on rent and haven't contacted the housing office to figure something out. And I just barely finished a portion of a study abroad application that was due yesterday.
The only thing I can get myself to do is look up videos on YouTube and watch a portion of them, occupy myself with food, or play World of Warcraft for a bit until I get even more bored.
It really stresses me out and feeds into my other issues, but I just don't know where to start. It doesn't feel like simple procrastination, if there's such a thing. This is something a lot more intense, like I'm not even in control of myself.
Anyway, it's just really bumming me out and I'd like someone to talk about it, if anyone's got any experience with this type of feeling around here. Which I'm sure you do because we're all human. I think.
Anyone else feel like they just can't get themselves to do anything?
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
The best way to end procrastination is by getting rid of it once it starts. I've made the same mistakes, which is probably why I've made some decisions that I don't necessarily like. Since you're having the University basically threaten to kick you out, why don't you use that as a way to boost yourself forward? Some people work better under stress or they do better when their deadline is coming up fast.
I remember I had 47 tardies in High School. They had every single one of my teachers, the principal, and my folks there to discuss what they needed to do. I ended up being a second year senior and graduated with a low GPA (literally 1.6). I did not want to do anything. I've been where you are at. I had to work my butt off in college. It took falling hard to realize that slacking off gets you nowhere. Now I have a similar situation, but its because of stress and coping skills I never learned as a good student. If you're a good student you're aware of the stress. I sort of threw myself into the "good student" mix and neglected to learn coping mechanisms. lol so the stress is new to me. Look at this way, you will be a in worse situation if you don't do the work. You've managed to keep your grades up, but you need a drive. Stay focused. That's my biggest help.
The best way I've found to help against this is to break things down into tiny tiny chunks. The smaller the better. As small as humanly possible. And then tackle them one at a time.
"Friends" are telling Jen to leave me. To my face, they tell me I'm OK and I am getting better. But I found that they are telling my wife to think about divorcing me. She is distant and I frankly think my friends are right. I've been pissing off my friends, making my wife unhappy.
The one bright spot is I *thought * I was a good friend. Now I'm hearing that I'm a a bad father. Where does that leave me?
I've never been so hurt and so ashamed about who I have become.
The one bright spot is I *thought * I was a good friend. Now I'm hearing that I'm a a bad father. Where does that leave me?
I've never been so hurt and so ashamed about who I have become.
So sorry to hear that
Please keep talking with her, it's the only way to get out of it all. And don't feel bad about yourself, you're doing everything you can to help yourself.This is complete and utter shit. You know this. Jen knows this. Mini-Bagels knows this. You are just in a bad spot at the moment and these fuckwads who call themselves friends are using you as a stomping ground.
Don't let them do that.
So sorry to hear that
Talking to her, she's not like, "No! You're a good husband and father!" She sticks up for her friends - they apparently have good reasons to say that it's time to step away from me. I have nothing left. I hate me and it turns out the things I'm feeling are very real to people I trusted. Talking to people just reinforces that I'm a failure. No one is refuting any of this stuff.
Jen is distant and when we talk, she tells me why.
It was kind of building, and this is the culmination of that.
Prax
Member
Is this what she is telling you her friends have been saying?
I think maybe they are just being overprotective of her? I don't even know if I can fathom how you could have intentionally mistreated your family (besides that depression as a disease in general could make someone lash out in weird ways).
From first glance of these posts, it sounds like both of you just sound exhausted? You both need support and to recoup, and maybe counseling would be good to sort out where to go form here, what to improve, and how a personal failure or shortcoming is not a condemnation for the rest of your life. You have it in your to get through all of this, and though I don't know how it will actually turn out in the end, we're all here to support you whatever turn it takes.
I offer as much support as I can but I'm going to be the one to say the hard thing you might not want to hear: I suggest you take time away from the DepGAF community. Twitter, IRC, Mumble, Steam, GAF, everything.
Whether a spouse says they don't mind and understand your foruming and interneting, it's still likely they don't understand 100%. And as soon as their friends and family start asking about your "online habit", no matter how good it might be for you and benign it is to your relationship, they will gossip and turn it into you being some obsessive online freak searching for sex, emotionally cheating on your wife or something equally ridiculous.
I say this having been basically raised by the internet because my dad was an only parent who had to work out of town a lot. Very, very few people, especially those with little to no long-term online (I'm talking 10 years +) forum/community experience understand.
For me, I feel closer to the friends I have made online than almost any of the ones I have in real life. It's really hard for people to not warp any online activity into something extreme. I'm sorry that your wife's friends and family feel the need to try and damage/destroy your marriage but if things are seriously in a bind right now, drop all online socialization/activity or it'll give the friends something else to light torches and get up in arms against you about.
Whether a spouse says they don't mind and understand your foruming and interneting, it's still likely they don't understand 100%. And as soon as their friends and family start asking about your "online habit", no matter how good it might be for you and benign it is to your relationship, they will gossip and turn it into you being some obsessive online freak searching for sex, emotionally cheating on your wife or something equally ridiculous.
I say this having been basically raised by the internet because my dad was an only parent who had to work out of town a lot. Very, very few people, especially those with little to no long-term online (I'm talking 10 years +) forum/community experience understand.
For me, I feel closer to the friends I have made online than almost any of the ones I have in real life. It's really hard for people to not warp any online activity into something extreme. I'm sorry that your wife's friends and family feel the need to try and damage/destroy your marriage but if things are seriously in a bind right now, drop all online socialization/activity or it'll give the friends something else to light torches and get up in arms against you about.
Collete
Member
Bagels just don't give up.
I don't know you're parenting style or how you're like to your wife, but from what we talk at least once every other week, I can tell you care about your family immensely and doing your damn best to be the best you can possibly can.
Don't give up and try to keep talking to her and get couples counseling perhaps between you two.
You're a good dad and a good husband even if your friends say shit. We all know this.
I don't know you're parenting style or how you're like to your wife, but from what we talk at least once every other week, I can tell you care about your family immensely and doing your damn best to be the best you can possibly can.
Don't give up and try to keep talking to her and get couples counseling perhaps between you two.
You're a good dad and a good husband even if your friends say shit. We all know this.
He already is, for the most part. He's not nearly the presence he was.
Do this. And I mean completely.
Show the note to your Mum dude, sounds like your Dad has that outdated 'Just harden the @#$% up' attitude which is just not cool in 2014. They're your parents, and they should be giving you infinite support.
I'm kinda getting really fed up with how I'm alone most of the time, ever since I left my home town 4 years ago most weekends has just be me, on my own, doing things. Which is okay sometimes, but times like yesterday when I drove down to Sydney to see a movie and do some shopping, towards the end of the day (especially when I went to eat at a restaurant on my own) I started becoming quite down about being by myself. I don't really have any friends up here outside of work (and I really don't consider them 'Best friends', more 'Work friends' if you know what I mean.) I don't really have that 'friend group' or even a 'best friend' to do some stuff on weekends like games and watch anime. Ideally a girlfriend would be nice, but I sort of feel that I should work on getting a 'Friend Circle', which I sort of had back in my hometown, but I rarely see them anymore, probably once a year.
Honestly I think half the problem is my self-confidence is shot to shit. I've always had this thing about calling or contacting people (in short - I don't), I seem to have this weird mindset that it's not okay, or that people should call me first. I know that's pretty counter productive, and I need to work on that.
Anyway, sorry, I just needed to get some of this off my chest, even if most of you don't read this its just something I needed to write. I think I might have some form of depression but I'm a bit hesitant to open that can of worms and go see someone about it...not sure what might happen.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
I've decided that I'm going to go back to the doctors.
One of the defining symptoms of my life is feeling spaced out and 'not present' pretty much all the time. My thinking is foggy, it's hard to focus on the world around me and what people are telling me. Any kind of emotional expression is impossible because I'm trapped in this state. I feel drained and tired. In my head I can visualize myself being confident and my thinking clear but in reality when I need to talk to someone I have trouble even structuring my thoughts. I come across as close to tears and anxious. I know that I am coming across poorly but feel powerless to change my behavior - as I said I can barely structure my thoughts in those situations.
I'm really hoping that antidepressants can help me out of this, or that there is some kind of hormone imbalance that will make me feel connected to the real world.
The issue is that I have felt this way all my life, so I don't really know what 'normal' feels like.
I'm very angry at myself though. I am 26 and have literally felt this way my entire life. I should have sought help years ago. Just thinking of the life I have wasted in this strung-out, permanently depressed state frightens and upsets me.
One of the defining symptoms of my life is feeling spaced out and 'not present' pretty much all the time. My thinking is foggy, it's hard to focus on the world around me and what people are telling me. Any kind of emotional expression is impossible because I'm trapped in this state. I feel drained and tired. In my head I can visualize myself being confident and my thinking clear but in reality when I need to talk to someone I have trouble even structuring my thoughts. I come across as close to tears and anxious. I know that I am coming across poorly but feel powerless to change my behavior - as I said I can barely structure my thoughts in those situations.
I'm really hoping that antidepressants can help me out of this, or that there is some kind of hormone imbalance that will make me feel connected to the real world.
The issue is that I have felt this way all my life, so I don't really know what 'normal' feels like.
I'm very angry at myself though. I am 26 and have literally felt this way my entire life. I should have sought help years ago. Just thinking of the life I have wasted in this strung-out, permanently depressed state frightens and upsets me.
I should also specify no Skype calls/video streaming, no instant messaging, no e-mailing. No one should know how to reach him and he should remove all programs and applications that allow him to reach anyone he has gotten to know through the community.
If a person's real life marriage (which includes a child) is at stake and they have as much contact/involvement with so many people online, then if the connection isn't completely severed it may not be seen as a serious enough change/improvement from his family and friends.
No one likes to hear this and might say "If he has to do this, then the marriage wouldn't work anyway/the wife wasn't good enough for him, etc." but it is the reality.
Bagels, you're awesome. You've given us a lot of yourself for free. Sorry for speaking about you in third person for a bit there but I want to be clear. I truely think it's a really good thing for you to do because of all the time and effort you've given us. You may have always been able to be here for us while still being there for your family but when it comes down to it, your amount of online involvement here will always look bad to most family, friends and possible even your spouse if it was time, effort and love that they thought should have been put into your family and "real life".
If this is about saving a marriage, making drastic changes are important.
EverythingShiny
Member
About a year ago, I did basically the same thing you're doing right now - my rheumatologist started me on a heavy duty steroid and I also took methotrexate (and folic acid) for several months and I didn't have any of those side effects. Did you talk to your doctor about it? How are you feeling now?
I hope you feel better soon. Dealing with autoimmune issues is a bitch.
While I don't doubt that getting some space is pretty crucial for him right now (especially since conflict has been pretty high in D-GAF lately), there's no direct evidence that his online time is the major contributing factor in these tensions with his wife (and so-called "friends").
And honestly, I just don't separate between online and RL friends, especially since I've met more than a few of them in person (just met ClassyPenguin a couple of days ago). At that point, can they really claim to be "just" online friends?
I support whatever he feels he has to do but there's a lot of variables at play here and we don't have most of the information.
Prax
Member
Is the online stuff the actual problem??
I can see how it can become a sort of obsessive coping mechanism that pulls someone away from closer proximity interactions, but I don't really know the context of any of what is happening and why.
But yeah. I worry a lot. About people and caregiver/compassion fatigue/burnout when it comes to a support group (I worry a lot about keystone/pillar people because I naturally have an aversion to obligation and expectation, so I am always wary of the effect of undue pressure).
And this goes for everyone else here too. Having a healthy balance is important, take breaks, recharge, re-engage. As well as having a healthy and strong support network. I don't know if anything depcommunity-related has become particularly problematic, but I hope not.
I understand what both you and Prax are saying. I just am bringing this up if the online time is part of the problem. I also know spending a lot of time interacting with people online can be seen as threatening to a relationship, and especially to a young marriage and family. I am speaking of why separating real life from online life is so crucial because--from my own experience only--heavy online socialization has always been looked on negatively or with suspicion by most who do not have a large online presence or are from a generation before social networking and smartphones became such an integral part of adolcence and beyond.
I don't expect everyone to agree, I really don't, but I believe it can help a marriage that's having issues when I look back at how much of his time Bagels have given us. It is only my hunch, but I believe his online life is part of the issue and I'm giving my honest opinion on what I think might help his marriage best. I may be way off. I am only given an uneducated guess off personal experiences and what wisdom I may have on the subject.
No, I hear you and it probably is an issue. The key is balance, in all things. It's just much harder to find that balance when you're not working (as Bagels and I both know). Suddenly, you have all this time to kill, you're lonely as hell and the internet seems like a safety net.
And with many of us, the boundary between online and real life has completely blurred, if not vanished altogether. A good chunk of us have each other's phone numbers and text back and forth. Several have met. Personally, I wouldn't be able to completely cut off contact with these people because I'm so close to them. They're my dear friends, not online personas I shit the breeze with.
It's hard. Very hard. Bagels is well-loved and I think we all worry that everyone goes to him for support. I was guilty of this for a while myself but I found that my relationships are much healthier when I spread things out as opposed to just a select few. Everyone has something to contribute, different perspectives, different approaches.
And especially this year, it seems like everyone is going through something really awful so tensions have been pretty high in the core group. I've had to take plenty of breaks myself.
This kind of thing is crossing a line that I believe needs to be very clearly upheld for every person who wants a healthy relationship/marriage while still retaining their online life/presence.
But I am very much someone who has always had strict barriers when it comes to real life friends and online friends. No matter how awesome either are, I don't let one leak into the other for my own sake and that of my personal relationships on both sides. And for the fact that having close online friends is not something many people, especially from a certain age and up, are going to understand and be comfortable with.
My "mountie" (thx AHB
) is the only real life person I ever talk to about stuff in my online life, and it's when he asks what's up/what I'm doing when I'm going all hyper-speed on the keyboard.I think I'm going to try to do better on the whole "relax and be yourself around people" thing. I have a bad habit of trying to act how I think people want me to act in an effort to please them, but my friends are my friends for a reason. I really don't have to do that. At times, I try too hard and it does the opposite of what I intended. So I'd like to stop calculating everything to reach a specific outcome and just be a normal human being and let the conversations and stuff flow naturally.
Just a quick note that the online stuff isn't the big issue. It's really about me being depressed and people who I thought were supporting me deciding that it's not about me being in a bad spot; it's just about me being an asshole. I have cut my online interactions way back, which is its own issue, as that source of support has been crucial to me. Now I have to give much of that up, meaning it's just me sitting alone all day. And when I do want to talk about how bad I'm feeling, it's driving friends away.
I think a big issue is that I'm pretty isolated. My IRL friends have not reached out to me (they're waiting for me to reach out?) so it's not like there's this great alternative to talking to the people I care about online. Then again, my anger at people trying to poison my relationship has bled over into my online friends. So NO ONE is happy with me.
Things were getting better with my wife, and our relationship is very strong. But now she has these voices in her ears and she doesn't want me to lose them, or be mad, so her response is to try to explain why they are saying such hurtful things. And that hurts even worse.
I'm no saint, and living with me during this time is hard. But it's like the one person who really needs support to get better - and I (thought I) had that support - is suddenly fining out that people are working against me. I'm just crushed. And it's like "stay ofline!" Well, okay, so spend even more time alone? I thought people were quietly on my team. Instead, they are not so quietly suggesting that people give up on me. It sucks all the more as I HAVE been getting better.
I don't know what to do. I don't have people to talk to.
I think a big issue is that I'm pretty isolated. My IRL friends have not reached out to me (they're waiting for me to reach out?) so it's not like there's this great alternative to talking to the people I care about online. Then again, my anger at people trying to poison my relationship has bled over into my online friends. So NO ONE is happy with me.
Things were getting better with my wife, and our relationship is very strong. But now she has these voices in her ears and she doesn't want me to lose them, or be mad, so her response is to try to explain why they are saying such hurtful things. And that hurts even worse.
I'm no saint, and living with me during this time is hard. But it's like the one person who really needs support to get better - and I (thought I) had that support - is suddenly fining out that people are working against me. I'm just crushed. And it's like "stay ofline!" Well, okay, so spend even more time alone? I thought people were quietly on my team. Instead, they are not so quietly suggesting that people give up on me. It sucks all the more as I HAVE been getting better.
I don't know what to do. I don't have people to talk to.
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