bigfunkychiken
Member
yes
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
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TheGraykid
Member
You rue the times you didn't ask someone out way more than the times you did and got rejected.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Where'd Leeness go?
bigfunkychiken
Member
I imagine she's lurking because people were offending her somewhat (not that I found the comments to be unfair).
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
Do not ask through text. Ask in person.
TurboLibre
Member
So I went to a friends going away party last night and managed to kiss her a few times throughout the night. She's moving for a couple of months (maybe even longer) though. So that sucks. It's still a victory though! She's terrified of relationships or any sort of romantic contact, so I guess I managed to convince her to step out of her comfort zone for a little bit.
grap3fruitman
Banned
What are you talking about? You spooked her so bad she had to skip town! Shame on you!
AdventureRacing
Member
Hopefully Leeness finds the friends she is looking for. I have some really close friendships with girls that sound like exactly what she wants. It can happen and i kinda feel like a dick for the things i've said in the past. You can post in this thread without necessarily wanting dating advice (despite the title).
Why not just do that here? If you don't like the way people are talking to you i'm not sure why you would share your facebook with them to talk more.
Why not just do that here? If you don't like the way people are talking to you i'm not sure why you would share your facebook with them to talk more.
This is obviously a joke, but I'd like to point out that if you occupy your mind with such thoughts, you will end up taking negative energy from them. Despite it being a joke, it also sows a seed of insecurity, however small, in Turbo. That's why I'd rather occupy my mind with happy thoughts. This is also why you hear things like "fake it till you make it", because if you fake happy thoughts in your own mind, you'll eventually naturally have happy thoughts. Likewise, if you preoccupy yourself with dark sarcasm, you'll end up harboring some of those bad thoughts.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So the party went ok.
At first I thought it was a bit of a disaster because I didn't really get much of a chance to speak to her and build a connection. Also got a bit too drunk. But I had fun and she says she wants to meet up again.
Very cool girl, but I need to bring my a game next time.
At first I thought it was a bit of a disaster because I didn't really get much of a chance to speak to her and build a connection. Also got a bit too drunk. But I had fun and she says she wants to meet up again.
Very cool girl, but I need to bring my a game next time.
TurboLibre
Member
Shit. If anything, I'm the reason she'll be coming back.
Don't worry about me. I might have my issues dating but I'm a secure S.O.B. that can take any joke your throw at me.
grap3fruitman
Banned
This is one hell of a happy thought. You sure showed me. ;P
I think the smilie means we're flirting. I'm not sure. Where did we land on that?
Not really worrying about you. I'm not at all worried if you can take the joke, but I'm sure you'd rather hear encouragement on making good progress with the girl.
Constructive criticism shouldn't really have to be masked as happy. You're free to do with it what you will.
grap3fruitman
Banned
The hell is wrong with you people?
Well, I haven't meant her or anyone else any harm. I have Leeness on facebook now, but I haven't had the time to sit down and talk to her yet :/
I'm wondering the same thing xD The thread hasn't been its usual self lately, it's almost as if the thread's making me depressed :/ Cheer up people!
Given your post history and general demeanor, I found an insightful clue into your psyche with the response you gave Turbo. Most people here tell you to focus more on the positive things, and it seems even their reassurance and acknowledgement does nothing to budge the negative outlook you have, as if you strive on the attention you get from it. Figuring you'd rather not have it like that, I wanted to shed light on the fact that if you keep negative thoughts around 'as jokes', they'll be a part of what you think of. The way you wrote your post was without a trace of irony, which I'm assuming Turbo is OK with, since he knows how you are. Otherwise, it would just be a cruel sentiment to come with.
It seems you keep a shroud of negativity with you, and I'll be so bold to say that it's coupled with insecurity, given the way you lashed out at me simply saying this. I am in no position to say this, yet I do it. I do it because I don't want you to keep puttering around with the same kind of periodic posts that centralize around the same theme time and again. I do it to push you. I am saying I see you for who you are.
If I am wrong, I hope you can speak back to it, not just saying there's something wrong with me for taking an interest in you. I'm don't cater to deaf ears, nor those that attack me for saying not only positive things about them. If that's what you want to do, tell me to fuck off, and I'll never reply to a thing you say again. If you think I'm onto something, but not sure how much of it is right, then think it through. If you want more ideas and thoughts from me, you know that I'm here to help you, and I do not wish to trample on any toes. However, now I am. You have nothing to lose from processing what I've said, and say what you will. If you toss it away at face value and not for merit, then I can't help it. But I think it's tossing away criticism so that you don't have to face the music.
If you feel my post isn't in the spirit of this thread, or in the best interest of this thread, let me know, and I'll gladly step out.
bigfunkychiken
Member
The point was that it is a thought processed by whoever reads it. Add the qualifying "risk of" if you will. Given the butterfly effect, you have no idea how these things travel through and can end up permeating through someones mind. It is also the least relevant part of the post, as that was the example to the point it was driving; preoccupying oneself with such humor has a much greater risk of permeating your mind that that on the receivers end of such a joke, which was the whole point of the post.
However, it is not for you to decide, either. Trying to make a point that one shouldn't assume something one someone else's behalf, when you do it by assuming something on someone else's behalf, it kind of ruins the point. Given err on the side of caution, it seems this is a tangent and belligerent attempt to deliver nothing to the discussion.
EDIT: Regarding the quote you edited in, you are now willfully trying to attack. Because, literally, it is absolutely for me to decide that I'm sure that he'd rather have it, as that is my opinion. And I'm sure of my opinion. So I'd rather be constructive in this thread, than to have to deal with your passive aggressive stuff.
Out of Working Order
Member
Guys, why is it that women put on their profiles 'don't message me if you're a creep'. To me, it comes off as 'don't message me if you're unattractive'.
Given that I've never had a girlfriend, I must be unattractive, and thus a creep. There's nothing more off-putting.
I am so lonely. Wish I could just fucking off myself.
Given that I've never had a girlfriend, I must be unattractive, and thus a creep. There's nothing more off-putting.
I am so lonely. Wish I could just fucking off myself.
Yeah, that's a rather silly thing to put. Isn't most of what makes a person a creep the fact that he doesn't realize how he's overstepping boundaries? Then how will he know he's a creep? It's probably not meant as 'don't message me if you're unattractive', but it is not very reflected to put that in their profile. My most awesome friend, who's a complete stud, has never had a girlfriend either. There's nothing wrong with never having had a girlfriend. It also has nothing to do with looks. It just tells me you have standards, and you have confidence to wait. That's admirable.
If you are able to look past it, just do that. Since you have the insight to reflect on whether you're a creep or not, you're miles ahead of those who actually are creeps, that would never even think such a thing. So it won't ever be relevant for you. Of course, if it is off-putting, which I think it would be for me, too, then just move on. Maybe they're just not right if they have to put such a thing in their profile.
Hey, we're here
I'm sure we could help with tips on how to meet new people, if you're looking for that. Or how to write a message to the profiles you're looking back. Or how to best style your hair when going out. The point is that this thread as a collective knowledge that's pretty huge. If there's ever anything you need help with, just ask, and you'll be overwhelmed by the people that wish to contribute. If you wish to talk about your loneliness, then I'm up to chat. If you wish to actually chat, and not having to make posts here, I'm here for that, too. Just hit me up with a PM.grap3fruitman
Banned
Seph, I have don't want to write too much because A) I'm on my phone and B) I don't want to argue but you're reading into things way too much and giving them a much more negative meaning than intended. Kinda seems like you're trying to make me out as some kind of villain because I try and crack a joke here and there to try and lighten the mood. I think you're the negative-r Nancy here.
Enough of this. Girls who are online, especially those who participate in online dating subject themselves to unsolicited messages asking for photos, sex, or just jackasses generally behaving nothing like they would in real life. This includes personal attacks and threats. Does this sound like your interactions with women online? No? Ok, you're probably not a creep.
You care about the fact that you've never had a girlfriend more than anyone else you will meet. If you wear this fact like badge of your own incompetence, others, including women you might be interested in, are going to sense it and be turned off. Accept that there are things about your life that are not ideal but don't live as a goner.
Can you please not attack me for taking an interest in you? That was the one thing I asked for. Tell me to fuck off if you think I'm way off, or think through what I say. I often get told that people think I'm reading too much into small things. But I don't. I just see things. When I do, I'm rarely wrong. You can tell yourself that you beat the odds and that I'm not right, or think through what I said and feel free to come back with an answer.
However, saying it's creating a negative mood to try and help a person I try to take interest in out, I feel, is detrimental to the spirit of this thread. I want you to be happy, and I tell you these things to spark reflection. Through that, you might find answers to things deeper in yourself that even I can't access. However, I don't think it's appropriate to try and undermine what's meant as constructive criticism by saying it's putting a dampening in the mood. If you want a circle-jerk where you sit around and tell each other how OK everything is going to be, then yeah, have at it.
I won't create any more negativity for you. I'll take this as a 'fuck off', and stay out of your business.
Im in this boat too, 22 and ive never had girlfriend. To be hones since started reading OT 2 i got my first dates, i can tell you i been rejected in person 3 times since starting trying, its been tough to be rejected and not being good enough... even tough im starting (1 year making changes in my life and dating sometimes...)
Im starting to feel that this fact and the subsecuent rejections from those 3 girls are convincing me of not trying again....
Its hard
Creepy does not equal unattractive. I know it's easier to think that guys who are attractive can get away with everything, but there are personal boundaries that pretty much everyone should follow. (Not stalking, not sending unsolicited naked images, no harassing, etc.) I've never done the online dating thing, so I wonder at the effectiveness of putting such a message since I assume that a lot of creepy people don't think they're creepy.
There are plenty of reasons for why you have never had a girlfriend, and it doesn't automatically mean you are unattractive. (Plus, people of both gender who don't fall into typical physical standards of attractiveness are also in relationships.)
From what you've written though, it sounds like you might benefit from therapy.
You have to remember that virtually everyone has to deal with rejection at various points in their lives. There might be something you can learn from the rejection, other times it's just going to be a case of not being compatible with the person. And if you're emotionally exhausted by dating, you can always take a break and get back into it later.
I'm going to go Home Alone 2 on this. Kevin McAllister had a pair of roller-skates he cared so much about, he didn't want to take them outside and risk ruining them. One day he'd outgrown them, and he never once had wore them outside. What's the point of having something you're so afraid of using that it's as if you didn't have it at all? Every single person gets rejected. Those who don't are the ones that don't dare put themselves on the line at all. Sometimes rejections come out of the situation girls are in, other times it's because of who we are. You said you're starting to work on yourself? Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither were your awesome personality. You might not be there yet, but you will be. It's amazing that you've dared go out and been rejected. You have no idea how much I respect and revere that.
What does it matter how many times we're rejected when one day you'll find the perfect girl that won't reject you? And how can the fear of being rejected by others keep you from even trying to find her? It's true that you won't lose if you don't play, but you also won't win. The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
I'm not saying it isn't hard. I'm just saying the converse of being out there and putting our hearts on the line is akin to not having a heart. So if we'd rather not have a heart, what does it matter if we put it on the line? I think the best we can do it be out there. When we face hard times, we review what we did wrong. We check if there's something we can improve. Because I know we're willing to improve ourselves to one day be able to get the dream girl. It's not like we expect we can just do nothing and land the girl of our dreams. So we shape ourselves by trying being out there. We improve and we get back out. We keep fiddling like that until we're the one we want to be. Then the perfect girl has but to show up, and the rest will fall into place.
This is absolutely something worth considering. We're here, and we care, but we're not really able nor suited to help with everything.
TurboLibre
Member
Goddammit.
Even when I'm not here I'm still somehow starting arguments.
It has been the whole damn board lately. Everything's a fight unless you're in a theme specific thread. Even then it looks like it's starting to leak in.
Even when I'm not here I'm still somehow starting arguments.
It has been the whole damn board lately. Everything's a fight unless you're in a theme specific thread. Even then it looks like it's starting to leak in.
Jebus. A stupid bomb went off in here.
So I asked out a classmate in one of my classes out. It is my first date in 3 years (broke up with my ex awhile ago). It feels good getting back into the game. And better yet, I realize how much I miss the feeling of butterflies and whatnot. Never gets old.
So I asked out a classmate in one of my classes out. It is my first date in 3 years (broke up with my ex awhile ago). It feels good getting back into the game. And better yet, I realize how much I miss the feeling of butterflies and whatnot. Never gets old.
I dont know why im writing this...I guess to get this off my chest, or to get all my thoughts down in one place...Pretty much I got into a big argument with my ex(it's complicated) to the point where I'm not sure I want to speak to her again, unless she totally changes herself.
It all started when we where video chatting with skype. Everything was going fine, the conversation was playful and fun until we got to a topic related to music and she said something along the lines of her hatred for UK garage and funk music. Those two genre's being among my favourites and something I've told her more than once, then decided to do a playful jab at Katy Perry, her favourite artist. I joked that because she made fun of those genres it would give me free reign to trash Katy Perry. All hell broke loose after this. She said that I was trying to rile her up and start bullshit with her. I told her no, and explained to her the context of why I made that joke and to cool down, because I clearly didnt mean it seriously and I only joked about it because she made fun of my favourite genre's I've told her about before. She then said that I'm not allowed to criticize Katy Perry because I dont have a connection to my music like she does because one of Katy Perry's songs reminds her of her grandmother who died. I shouldnt ever criticize Katy Perry because she's told me how much she loves her, and one of her songs connection to her grandmother.
At that point in my mind, I was beyond ticked off, that someone would tell me that my feelings towards an art form is invalid and theirs is superior thus rendering them immune from taking any criticism, while they are allowed to dish it out however they see fit. In reality though, I just tried to calm her down. but she wasn't having any of it. She then said she was tired of my shit and ended the call. Right after she sent me a text saying that she was tired of my bullshit with me always trying to start fights from nothing. At this point I was livid, pretty much told her off on skype text chat and went to bed.
Now, I'm an easy going guy, in fact I'd say too easy going, to the point where I like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. This takes shape in the form of things that normally would irk me that someone might do, I tend to ignore or turn the other cheek in the hopes that potential confrontation by me speaking out, would be avoided. In all my years of life the only person to make me crack has been my brother and even then, not to the extent that she did last night. I felt completely disrespected in every possible way and felt that I was being taken for granted. Like what I feel doesn't mean anything and only her feelings do. I've thought about simply not talking to her again, or if I do talk to her, pretty much laying everything out on the table about my problem with that argument she had and how she dealt with it, as well as laying down inherent problems I've had with her since we started dating, (and culminated in me deciding to break up with her) but ignored in hopes to avoid situations like this.
It all started when we where video chatting with skype. Everything was going fine, the conversation was playful and fun until we got to a topic related to music and she said something along the lines of her hatred for UK garage and funk music. Those two genre's being among my favourites and something I've told her more than once, then decided to do a playful jab at Katy Perry, her favourite artist. I joked that because she made fun of those genres it would give me free reign to trash Katy Perry. All hell broke loose after this. She said that I was trying to rile her up and start bullshit with her. I told her no, and explained to her the context of why I made that joke and to cool down, because I clearly didnt mean it seriously and I only joked about it because she made fun of my favourite genre's I've told her about before. She then said that I'm not allowed to criticize Katy Perry because I dont have a connection to my music like she does because one of Katy Perry's songs reminds her of her grandmother who died. I shouldnt ever criticize Katy Perry because she's told me how much she loves her, and one of her songs connection to her grandmother.
At that point in my mind, I was beyond ticked off, that someone would tell me that my feelings towards an art form is invalid and theirs is superior thus rendering them immune from taking any criticism, while they are allowed to dish it out however they see fit. In reality though, I just tried to calm her down. but she wasn't having any of it. She then said she was tired of my shit and ended the call. Right after she sent me a text saying that she was tired of my bullshit with me always trying to start fights from nothing. At this point I was livid, pretty much told her off on skype text chat and went to bed.
Now, I'm an easy going guy, in fact I'd say too easy going, to the point where I like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. This takes shape in the form of things that normally would irk me that someone might do, I tend to ignore or turn the other cheek in the hopes that potential confrontation by me speaking out, would be avoided. In all my years of life the only person to make me crack has been my brother and even then, not to the extent that she did last night. I felt completely disrespected in every possible way and felt that I was being taken for granted. Like what I feel doesn't mean anything and only her feelings do. I've thought about simply not talking to her again, or if I do talk to her, pretty much laying everything out on the table about my problem with that argument she had and how she dealt with it, as well as laying down inherent problems I've had with her since we started dating, (and culminated in me deciding to break up with her) but ignored in hopes to avoid situations like this.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Ex'es are ex'es for a reason. I think the default should always be to cut contact. Someone always ends up being hurt, because someone holds some parts of the relationship still in it. She might be more on edge to criticism from you, depending on your relationship history. It's always harder to hear criticism from those close. Sure, maybe you could've rather said you didn't think it was nice that she spoke of your favorite music the way she did instead if turning it on her. That wasn't a fair reaction of her, by any stretch. Maybe a particularly touchy subject? At any rate, these are the type of things that have me suggesting not being friends. Why are you friends with her? Doesn't seem to be due to shared work or friends, given you video talked? Maybe it's better for both of you if you can move on in life and work on yourselves?
I didn't mean to turn it on her, I just thought it was appropriate to joke about a music artist that she really likes since she did the same to me. I didn't do it in a serious or an 'I'm joking, but i'm sorta serious' way at all. I'm of the philosophy that you cant throw shit at someone and not expect the person to at least play ball.
I guess she's been this way since I originally started dating her. She tends to blow things out of proportion even if it's harmless. And I'm not saying this only in reference to me, but to people in general. In fact, she's even admitted to me that this is a problem she has, but has excused it due to childhood trauma she experienced.(she was molested at a young age) She's done it to me a number of times before, but I just rolled with it, because it got to the point where it was clear I had to use kid gloves on her lest I wanted to face her potential wrath. She is also a stickler for me having to remember anything and everything she says to me, even if it's mentioned in a small capacity only once and not talked of again for a long time. I'd actually be ok with this if she followed her own rules when the situation is reversed, but she never does.(this goes with all her peeves in general) If she forgets something I told her, it's seen as not a big deal, if I do, you better bet that you're gonna get a very angry girl talking with you. I feel even worse, because in a way I enabled this sort of behaviour because whenever such a situation did come up, I either tried to ignore it, so that she wouldnt eventually get mad by me getting into a "meaningless argument/fight" or I would try to speak up and she would just say that I've never told her x before. Needless to say, it whittled me down quick, which was the primary reason why I broke up with her.
And yes, I could easily cut her off with no strings attached. I knew her through sharing the same class in college and the friends at the school that she introduced me to stayed friends with me and she burned bridges with them, making a total cut of contact completely plausible with no possible chance of problems with who I work/hang out with.
There is one problem though, which is why I'm slightly hesitant to do anything too brash like cut her off completely or contact her again to lay all my thoughts on the table. She has a rare heart condition that she's getting surgery for this coming Tuesday and supposedly the death rate from having the surgery is 20%. If worst comes to worst, I know I'd feel terrible about myself if something happened and we left off on such bad terms.
It has nothing to do with your posts as far as I'm concerned
I won't stop using smilies, wtf @ that fight xD
It has? I haven't noticed that. I just know I don't post as much in here as I used to :/
I'll try ^^ Life's rough at the moment
(even though stn put it nicely in private the other day and showed me that my life is pretty damn sweet comparatively)
DragonKnight
Member
You cant but your self worth in other. It has to come from within, man. Doesnt matter how hot you are it doesnt matter how much money you have. Like evilore said a while back even very ugly people have gfs. And peoples natural reaction to these facts are things like "big dick and money". The real answer is that these people do not define themselves by their shortcomings and work with what they have. There are billions of people on the planet. Billions. And three rejected you. Furthermore, dont make it personal. My friend recently got done courting a girl i saw as a ten that i would have rejected based on her high school attitide. You make it about you and make it seem like you arent good enough because thats how you feel inside. And because you feel thos way you lack a true inner glow and confidence. Thats extremely attractive. This is what really needs work. Not clothes. Not a haircut. But the inner you.
And dont worry about rejection. As you grow internally youll stop taking it personal. In one night i had a chick tell me i was very cute and another defiantky refuse to dance with me. If i had self worth back then it would not have mattered either way. Start loving yourself and stop criticizing yourself.
Stop worrying about failure. Change that mindset. If all you see yurself doijg is failing you will. Start seeing yourself as a success. Everything. Everuthing begins internally.
You arent alone and im also a work in progress. Many many people have no self worth and rely on physical things to feel good about themselves. If you strip thst away theyll be completely broken. Start on forming a rock solid inner you loving yourself no matter what.
Edit: and dont tell me that all this is easy for me to say because im good looking. Youve no idea how many times ive felt like a straight zero. How many times ive felt like offing myself. But i realize that it was killing me so i had to make major changes. In fact, id rather someone not even think i was attractive and have my personality draw them in. True story.
Well Dating-Age... I had the first official date with the nurse tonight. Had a great dinner, picked up dessert, wine, and About Time and came back to my place to watch the movie and have dessert. Really good movie except there was about 30 minutes there that we missed. I like taking things slow and my plan was definitely kiss her but the first kiss led into many many more.
Think its safe to say that we like each other. Her response to me saying that we should do this again sometime was "yeah, you should definitely call me, text me, msg me, anything!"
Think its safe to say that we like each other.
Her response to me saying that we should do this again sometime was "yeah, you should definitely call me, text me, msg me, anything!"Don't really want any advice, just need somewhere to vent (this isn't strictly dating related, but whatever):
So the past few days have been shitty. I've decided I need to break it off with that girl I've been seeing, but I'm scared of having to do that, and I have no idea how to do it best. I've seen my ex-wife the past couple of days, to finish our taxes and let her get some stuff she never bothered to get before.
When I saw her on Thursday, it was the first time I'd seen her in months. I don't remember how long, exactly. Long story short, her face was familiar yet foreign at the same time, and I had the realization that in time, her face may be completely wiped from my memory, and I'll no longer be able to reminisce on the good times we shared. That fucking scared the shit out of me.
And then today, when she came to get her stuff, we got to talking some more since I still worry about how she is handling everything and how her day-to-day life is going. Eventually she said something that completely crushed me: she told me that she didn't think she would ever love anyone else the way she loved me.
Now, I completely know how stupid what I'm about to type is, but I'm seriously wondering if I should try to give her another chance. I don't even know how to broach the subject, out of fear that I am completely misreading her. I know that the pain that will result will be fucking devastating, but I can't help but wonder if I'm the love of my life, and she is mine, if this is another chance that I will have to take.
And just to be clear, the decision I'm making with this other girl has nothing to do with my feelings for my ex, but rather the lack of feelings I have for her. I know what I'm saying is completely idiotic, and I'm not really looking for advice because I already know what it will be. I just haven't had a chance to talk to my friends, and I needed to get this off my chest.
So the past few days have been shitty. I've decided I need to break it off with that girl I've been seeing, but I'm scared of having to do that, and I have no idea how to do it best. I've seen my ex-wife the past couple of days, to finish our taxes and let her get some stuff she never bothered to get before.
When I saw her on Thursday, it was the first time I'd seen her in months. I don't remember how long, exactly. Long story short, her face was familiar yet foreign at the same time, and I had the realization that in time, her face may be completely wiped from my memory, and I'll no longer be able to reminisce on the good times we shared. That fucking scared the shit out of me.
And then today, when she came to get her stuff, we got to talking some more since I still worry about how she is handling everything and how her day-to-day life is going. Eventually she said something that completely crushed me: she told me that she didn't think she would ever love anyone else the way she loved me.
Now, I completely know how stupid what I'm about to type is, but I'm seriously wondering if I should try to give her another chance. I don't even know how to broach the subject, out of fear that I am completely misreading her. I know that the pain that will result will be fucking devastating, but I can't help but wonder if I'm the love of my life, and she is mine, if this is another chance that I will have to take.
And just to be clear, the decision I'm making with this other girl has nothing to do with my feelings for my ex, but rather the lack of feelings I have for her. I know what I'm saying is completely idiotic, and I'm not really looking for advice because I already know what it will be. I just haven't had a chance to talk to my friends, and I needed to get this off my chest.
I agree. When she's talking shit about your stuff, it's extremely hypocritical to then take extreme offense when you do the same back. It's a good way of showing someone that what they're doing is wrong. When she goes over the top, like that, saying you can't do it, then it's just showing that she's not able to empathize that you also care about the bands you like, and that you don't need a sad story to go with your music to not be OK with someone talking shit about it. I think it's outrageous that she did that.
Sounds like something she might need professional help to overcome. Sounds like a defense mechanism. She needs to figure that out on her own. The thing is that that's the kind of thing you have to grow out of. By being around her, you're allowing her to relapse into that behaviour. She seems to be unwilling to take another person's perspective, which I guess could be explained by what she's experienced. However, even if it's understandable, doesn't mean it's OK. If you wish to be of help, find a way to talk with her about these things, and perhaps suggest counseling or a psychologist. Ultimately, it's not your thing to fix.
Honestly, it's not your responsibility. It's an easily line to pitch, but impossible to just take to account. My friend was in a relationship with a girl who got diagnosed with a brain condition. It wasn't until she'd treated him so bad he had nothing left to give that he was able to pull away. Sure, when it's that close, I can see your sentiment.
Come Wednesday, when you know everything's well, it might be time to pull away. It's not that she's bad for you, or anything like that. It's just that I think you will both be able to grow more if you let go of each other. It's hard, it's strange. You don't have to tell me.
For those of you who are lamenting not having a girlfriend, the grass may look greener on the other side but you need to really think about what you want first. A relationship is nothing like the fantasy you concoct in your head and I had to learn this the hard way with my first girlfriend. It's a hell of a lot of work and things can go awry very fast. There is a big gulf between the flirting stage and being in a relationship with that person. The little things can build up very quickly. Before you look for a relationship, make sure that you really want it and are not just in love with the idea of one. As pretty as women or men can be they're still humans who fart and get diarrhea and have annoying habits.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Also.... just 'cuz you see a pretty face doesn't mean there's depth or compatibility. It's really easy to get enamored with the concept rather than see the reality that it is.
For all my whining about being forever alone... I work 60 hour weeks. There are very few girls in my age range who are willing to put up with that. And that's not even touching the fact that I am a weird son of a gun.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Let me throw a scenario at you people. Yesterday I was driving in Chicago (I live in the boring burbs) through an area with a fair amount of bars and I'm sitting at a light when... a fairly cute (and slightly drunk) stranger helps herself into my car. What would you do? We were both having fairly bad days and we only exchanged names and small talk as I gave her a ride. Would it have been appropriate to ask her out?
You are close to the point but also a bit off.
You are right when you think it's not meant literally, but you are wrong in assuming it's about unattractiveness. "Don't message me if you are a creep" is amongst other things a way to have a ready-to-go excuse in case a girl doesn't like you: it doesn't necessarily has to do with your appearance, and honestly a girl who writes something like that is probably someone who's more influenced by personality than anything else. Again, you can't hit yourself in the head thinking your personality has something wrong: what she consider an attractive personality and what you think is an attractive personality may be two extremely different things.
As for your feelings of loneliness, try and talk to a therapist in your school/college. If you don't want to spend money on it, go to a priest: whether you have faith or not won't matter to most of them, the only downside is you won't be able to milk them for free because sooner or later they will give you the "shit or get off the pot" ultimatum, like "accept your lord jesus Christ as your saviour" and such and such.
If they give you this attitude the first time you talk to them, run!. Otherwise you'll get care, wisdom and support for free.
Bryan, it will never get easier. I mean at no point in your life you'll be able to completely avoid rejection from a girl.
Not only that but once you will become good the first thing that will happen won't be to have your facebook page and your phones filled up with girls, it will be that you will reject A LOT of girls who ignored you before your improvements. At that point you will have to learn not to judge girls for that, and that won't be easy.
After you learn to do that, you will have to learn to reject girls properly: that will also take a big toll of your time and your self-esteem, because when you reject people there are some hard truths to accept about yourself, and when that happens you will understand why girls come up with stuff like "I'm busy" or "I'm sick" or "I'm not looking for anything serious, we should be friends" once you are on the other side of the equation.
Then you are going to have to learn to cope with the sexual dos and don'ts of the girls you date, then you are going to have to learn to cope with the most usual problems in a long-term relationship. It never ends.
What's really important is for you to be able to track your progress: like, you know, when people start a diet and they buy a new weight scale, to make sure they can measure their efforts. In the case of dating, there's plenty of "documentation" XD you have access to from the internet and youtube: it will help you understand how to quantify your progress and to not think about dating in such an absolute way as "either you get no girl or you'll get all of them".
What you should appreciate is the fact that if you stop now, it will become harder: you have learned the ropes, that's true experience and every single minute of it is valuable. It isn't stuff you heard from a friend or read on a forum, it's first-hand experience.
Keep going at it: your penis and your heart are muscles, you have to keep them trained or you'll loose progress XD
First off, let me tell you this is one of the juiciest post I've ever read and you should give it its own thread, it would go places XD
On to the matter at hand. What happened here is that this girl is a text-book case of validation-seeker, and she is trying to literally spill out of you every drop of self-esteem you have by challenging you and disrespecting you, because you dumping her made her feel inferior. The fact that you, as you say, don't usually stand up for yourself but you do when it comes her, is probably mind-boggling her (should have used another term here XD) to no end. Trust me, she will come back at you again and again until you give up and have sex with her, or until she is able to put you in a vicious circle where she constantly stalls contact ("call me", then she doesn't answer), or worst yet when she will find another boyfriend and unleash him in your direction.
When a relationship becomes about "who leaves who", as if it's war or an Olympic game, there isn't much left.
If she invites you to a party/get-together where you don't know anybody, make sure to bring a friend. Boy or girl, doesn't matter. If you give her the opportunity, she WILL find the way to show people "he didn't leave me, I left him".
stn
Member
Just wanted to make a quick point regarding the whole "creepy" debate. At the end of the day just conduct yourself as best as possible. The rule is always be calm, polite, and casual about things. This is ironic coming from me because I was actually called "sketchy" some time ago. Granted, I think the girl was just misguided and immature because I ran the scenario past myself and other people and nobody thought I did anything wrong (yes, I gave ALL of the details of what happened). Its funny because I always pride myself on being normal, casual, and extremely laid back.
You can't please everyone. Better to stop trying.
You can't please everyone. Better to stop trying.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol, This is a joke...but I thought this would be funny for Dating-Age to laugh at. Don't take this too seriously folks, curb your natural GAF inclinations....
Settle.com
Settle.com
Chances are, that unless you do act in a very CWC-like or extremely abnormal attitude towards women, you will still be called a creep. How much do you care about it is up to you; but personal recommendation? Don't.
I am not joking, I have found out about this several times myself, mostly by fuckups of said girls in Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook, haha.
I'm not looking for a gf and try to act cold and you might say a bit dry towards women, but completely within respect without joking at all. Then I get weird looks and find out that they believed that I wanted to bang them.
I am not joking, I have found out about this several times myself, mostly by fuckups of said girls in Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook, haha.
What reason have you got for not?
- Status