Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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It's a weird feeling to wish you could just feel things like other people. I don't really feel depressed anymore, I think I finally broke out of that, but now I'm just back to feeling numb again. Nothing really interests me, things that interest me I get tired of really quickly and I don't really derive any pleasure from stuff anymore it just feels... numb. Nothing is bad or good, it's just sort of there. Maybe I can make friends at my new job but it seems most people are older than me by a decent amount so I'm not sure. I don't know which is worse anymore.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
It's a weird feeling to wish you could just feel things like other people. I don't really feel depressed anymore, I think I finally broke out of that, but now I'm just back to feeling numb again. Nothing really interests me, things that interest me I get tired of really quickly and I don't really derive any pleasure from stuff anymore it just feels... numb. Nothing is bad or good, it's just sort of there. Maybe I can make friends at my new job but it seems most people are older than me by a decent amount so I'm not sure. I don't know which is worse anymore.
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Yeah this happens to me too. I can laugh and have fun, but it's always a temporary feeling like the pain of getting pinched, and never feels real. The only things that even remotely make me feel better are doing nice things for other people, which is becoming detrimental because tearing yourself apart to improve someone else's life, while nice, probably isn't good for you. There's also hanging out with my few close friends but I try not to do that too often because I don't want to annoy them by constantly asking to hang out. I just wish that I had the ability to connect with people on a deeper emotional level so that I'd be more adept at having conversations, and maybe it would make me a more engaging and interesting person.
 
zeemumu said:
Yeah this happens to me too. I can laugh and have fun, but it's always a temporary feeling like the pain of getting pinched, and never feels real. The only things that even remotely make me feel better are doing nice things for other people, which is becoming detrimental because tearing yourself apart to improve someone else's life, while nice, probably isn't good for you. There's also hanging out with my few close friends but I try not to do that too often because I don't want to annoy them by constantly asking to hang out. I just wish that I had the ability to connect with people on a deeper emotional level so that I'd be more adept at having conversations, and maybe it would make me a more engaging and interesting person.
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Pretty much exactly how I feel.
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
It's a weird feeling to wish you could just feel things like other people. I don't really feel depressed anymore, I think I finally broke out of that, but now I'm just back to feeling numb again. Nothing really interests me, things that interest me I get tired of really quickly and I don't really derive any pleasure from stuff anymore it just feels... numb. Nothing is bad or good, it's just sort of there. Maybe I can make friends at my new job but it seems most people are older than me by a decent amount so I'm not sure. I don't know which is worse anymore.
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zeemumu said:
Yeah this happens to me too. I can laugh and have fun, but it's always a temporary feeling like the pain of getting pinched, and never feels real. The only things that even remotely make me feel better are doing nice things for other people, which is becoming detrimental because tearing yourself apart to improve someone else's life, while nice, probably isn't good for you. There's also hanging out with my few close friends but I try not to do that too often because I don't want to annoy them by constantly asking to hang out. I just wish that I had the ability to connect with people on a deeper emotional level so that I'd be more adept at having conversations, and maybe it would make me a more engaging and interesting person.
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I know exactly how this feels, and after more than a decade of trying to fix it I am still at step one of feeling this way.
 
Ashes said:
Mekes, you are grieving.

I'm of those that doesn't buy The Stages of Grief. How do you put a time scale on a mother who has lost their child?

Or in your case, a brother losing his sister *and* a son losing a father.

All I can say, is that it's okay to feel this way - grief manifests it self in all kinds of ways [ even in absentia]. And that if I were your sister or your father, I wouldn't want you to be sad.

& it's important you tell your self this.

Don't be sad.
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Thanks :)

I think one of the biggest things that has shocked me was, after losing my sister, when I found out my dad was not going to make it (I knew a good while before the fact) I kind of put a lot of stock in the fact that I knew what I would be coming up against. I hated it, but it was something I felt I was at the least aware of. Instead what came ended up being nothing like my first experience and that did shock me, I was fully aware of that as little as minutes after my dads passing, and it never changed.

So I guess I just feel pretty lost in life right now, with my main concern being if I do not grieve - will I pay for that later. A huge thing for me after my sister passed away was that I didn't want to be defined (at least outwardly) by the terrible thing that had happened. I've always been quite a happy and carefree person. It is that which causes my concerns, I don't want to lose that side of me and become some sort of emotionless, stony character.

But I will get on with things and try not judge myself quite so much. Personally I don't buy the stages of grief either. Your post gave me a lot to think about so thank you, it was appreciated. It made me double back and tell myself that I do need time to heal. It also reminded me that I hadn't done something I did a lot after my sister passed, which is to think about what she would have wanted for her family. Something I could well do with doing for my dad, and something which I am mostly aware of because I did get to have a personal conversation with him towards the end.

Thank you Ashes :)
 
Bagels said:
I don't know why you felt the need to establish your mental health cred with Filler. You don't know anything about him, A. B, is there a contest? Is the person with the most time in treatment the winner of any argument? We want to welcome all sorts of posters, with all sorts of experiences, and have great discussion, but we draw a line at ANY advice that is going to hurt people. We've been very prickly about it in the past. We'll be prickly about it in the future.

Your whole point about talking from experience is a real problem in healthcare. Patients with problems that are particularly difficult to treat (or with bad experiences with healthcare) can end up personalizing the disease(s) to an unhealthy degree. Your experiences are your own. They matter more than anything to you, but it's very frustrating when people who, say, responded poorly to Prozac, pop up in every fucking thread to go "NEVER TAKE PROZAC, BRO!" You get by on a level of benzos that most physicians would shit themselves about. It works for you? Alright. People got a little prickly when you made the leap to "ask me how to score benzos, that's really all that works." I'm not you. FillerB isn't you. No one else is you. When we advise from personal experience, we should be very clear about that. I try to wear the different hats of someone with some healthcare experience, who has done research in receptor biology and addiction, who just cares about people in here in general, and as a sufferer of depression. I TRY (but certainly fail at times) to say "The research demonstrates x," vs "My experience with x was...," vs. "x really worked for me, and based on what you've told me, I think it might be a good option for you..." vs. "In the clinic, we would do x..."

The suggestion that the complexity of psychiatric disorders makes them "IMPOSSIBLE" to treat or diagnose is ludicrous. If the standard for a drug is to be able to predict, with 99% certainty how it will affect you, healthcare is done for. Nothing is that good. Not even close. BUT! It's getting better in all areas of medicine. "Individualized medicine" is the buzzword. In some areas it's more a dream than anything, but even in psychiatry, genomic testing has come into standard practice. You can look at cytochrome p450 variations and know how their body will break down all sorts of drugs. Will the drug get rapidly degraded, meaning you need a higher dose? Or will it linger way longer than it does in the average person, meaning normal dosing is going to be a disaster? There's more work on genetic polymorphisms in receptors, enzymes, etc etc going on.

From my main research, which was on the receptor that nicotine binds to in the brain (we focused mainly on the form that your body uses to make your muscles work - the body reuses stuff like mad!), for hereditary myasthenic syndromes (basically inherited conditions in which the muscles fatigue very rapidly) it was once a crapshoot with the drugs. Interestingly, at the receptor level, two completely opposite problems give rise to the same phenotype. If you have a fast-channel syndrome, the drug that blocks your channels does wonders. If you have a slow-channel syndrome, we could potentially kill you. So...not great. Our lab developed a simple blood test for the particular polymorphisms you find in these families with these conditions. So now, you take a blood test and we give you the exact drug you need. It's pretty magical.

Beyond all this crazy awesome "THE FUTURE IS NOW!" stuff, there isn't any top-secret medical knowledge your doctor has, beyond intensive, broad training. A psychiatrist takes the same boards a neurologist does, which makes sense, but he or she also has to know, and spend time practicing in, all the other specialties.

Some doctors do just shoot from the hip, and they like prescribing certain drugs for whatever reasons (contrary to popular opinion, you are not paid based on the drugs you prescribe. Drug companies get up to some icky stuff, but the existence of scandals doesn't mean you write the whole enterprise off, does it?), but there are algorithms and tested methods. You can look at the Texas Drug Algorithm and the STAR*D methodology to start. In the podcast we made for this thread (which I'd like to revive, but it's taking some work), I talked about some papers discussing how you use the side effects of antidepressants to guide your prescribing. Paxil is notorious for increasing appetite. If low appetite is a problem, you use that to your advantage.

At the most basic level, you look at what meds have worked in close relatives. That doesn't give you 99% assurance of success or failure, but you're already well ahead of just rolling some dice.
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Well, I am on a load of benzo's right now so excuse my lack of motivation in responding long windedly.

My main problem with what you said is that it's "My experience" which is true. But it's important to keep in mind also the advice of others who've had the felt presence of direct experience. There's a very different outlook there and you cannot dismiss those "experiences" just because you've had "medical training" or that the methodologies used to diagnose, treat and handle any negative outcomes are not at some level a roll of the dice. If you can't at least admit that, then we're just going around in circles, nothing more to discuss. That was my initial point anyway, I never said do not do this or believe that, I simply said educate yourself to make better choices in your life. To my mind as I've grown older, is that educating myself first and then asking the doctor for further instruction is the best avenue to take. Otherwise, your ignorant to what is not being told and don't know how to ask the questions that expose what drugs you really want in your body.

You see, the value of "experience" is second to none. If you've never been involuntarily committed to a institution and robbed of their liberty and freedom, forced to take drugs, see the doctor for 5-10 mins everyday, have retarded groups (including of course the religious guy who comes around every week), forced "bedtimes", and often uncomfortable roommates. Then you don't have a damn leg to stand on speaking about what it's like to be on the receiving end of that heresy. Same as a man who could read all the history of Germany's military campaign for 20 years, then somehow meets a old real vet of a man who marched in the Blitzkrieg, he'd probably tell the guy to fuck off and he has no idea what it was like or he's not viewing as it actually happened in reality. Because this is the point, unless you can directly relate to a person's experience, than your really only going to be minimally effective. Same reason they pair recovering addicts with support from recovered addicts for that kind of support. That's a fundamental problem in psych unit and even doctor's in general in this field, they rarely can directly relate to your issues it's just a peripheral view of that person's pain not a "I totally know how that feels" view. And while that may be impossible in the medical field especially, It doesn't dismiss the fact that most doctor's you encounter see only the surface, the peripheral of your pain.

So yes, I'm speaking for "my own experience/s", but the older and wiser (non-academic) you get the more "experience" matters when you are talking to somebody about X or Y. And through my experiences I've been subjected to every medication for ADHD, Tourette's, Obsesive Compulsive Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, depression, and near constant suicidal/homicidal thoughts. All which likely has accumulated to make me worse today than I would be if I had never taken them. My issues have proved totally medication resistant, so in order to keep me out of the hospital, my psychiatric just perscribes all the benzo's I want, Seconal, and Ambien, since I now refuse to take anything else. They just think and have good reason to think I'm less of a danger to myself and others on them than without. Plus, the fact that the judge has said that if I continue to be hospitalized for violent offenses and violence on unit staff I will become a ward of the state and never get out. My permanent home will then be Eastern State Mental Hospital, a hellhole I've been to twice, I'd rather jail or prison honestly.

And you want to "talk to me"...how's that going to go. It'll just become the same game I play with doctors a 99% success rate, haven't met a doctor yet I couldn't charm, lie or bend to my will just through listening and talking. Contrary to popular belief the most important part of manipulation is just listening, that's how you find the holes and know where to push buttons for reaction then build upon that. It's called engineered sociopathic manipulative mind games. But honestly I'm not motivated enough to stack the deck and toy with people, find their chinks and poke them. That's another "relief" on others that these benzo's give me, it's makes me less motivated and obsessive to manipulate people with mind games and all types of social engineering, that is set up like a mental chess match you cannot win, I'm 29 now so I've got lots of practice. So yeah, I'm just "don't care" as opposed to "I feel compelled to fuck with people and wreak mental havok", so for me, around the clock benzo's are kind of a good thing. Because you see, my OCD and sociopathy/psychopathy melt together like glue, so talking to me as sad as it might be to say, will get both of us absolutely nowhere. Socrates said "Know Thyself", and I'll take a person's "direct experience" over any academic who went through medical school. Lastly, going through all these meds all my life has cemented that idea for me that you don't want to listen to academics/doctors all the time, they may be very impressive with their credentials but they have prejudices, they are rigidly taught certain methodology, and they have a fixed view of the way patients/drugs and mental health itself should be treated, and are going to stick to that come what may. So I guess there's a victory in that after all these years.
 
Above poster, I'm on mobile so quoting that much text would be rude.

Since you admitted you are a rather unique case, your type of 'advice' is likely not going to be helpful at all in this thread. We would never condone 'gaming the system' to get the drugs you think you need vs the ones you actually need. That's dangerous as hell. People could die from that sort of advice. You can roll the dice all you want, but please don't try and pass that off as legit medical advice. It won't go over well here.
 
Fiction said:
Above poster, I'm on mobile so quoting that much text would be rude.

Since you admitted you are a rather unique case, your type of 'advice' is likely not going to be helpful at all in this thread. We would never condone 'gaming the system' to get the drugs you think you need vs the ones you actually need. That's dangerous as hell. People could die from that sort of advice. You can roll the dice all you want, but please don't try and pass that off as legit medical advice. It won't go over well here.
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I'm not giving any advice in that post. Obviously people can go and do what they want, but my main point was "educate yourself". Not hey, just go take a load of benzo's! I can offer that knowledge to people who are interested in getting them, because I think it's important to empower a person's personal knowledge toolkit. But again, I'm not here to advocate, or even "help" really. Just honestly to tell my story and how I've come to think of this situation Don't make the assumption that because I said I can help you to get benzo's I'm advocating "abuse", there's a difference between taking as prescribed and abuse. I never advocated any abuse of any drug. In fact, in my initial post, I described them as poor substitutes for a "good feeling buzz", due to the very fast tolerant effect.
 
Oh ArynCrinn.. Take a chill pill.

Ha ha. see what I did there? :P

Anyways, if you're saying educate yourself, and you are, then I'm with you. But I'm sure you're smart enough to note the contradiction you imply in the entirety of your argument; don't trust the educated.

The drugs don't motivate you and yet you wrote a really long post defending your self. :P

You are correct, in my view, to criticise the pharma industry. It's a for profit industry - it gets shit funded and brought to market, but morals do get diluted. And we still don't know much about what we're tinkering with. And in that process lots of people got screwed over.

I like what you said about experience. Are you happy? Are you stable? If you're not, why should one listen to you about happiness and stability?

It isn't all about experience. Because I'm sure you can tell me a lot of about life, about happiness, and everything in between. Your views won't be immediately invalidated because you haven't experienced it personally.

You know what, I feel like I'm having a go at you. And that's not my intention at all. So I'll stop. ha ha.
 
Ashes said:
Oh ArynCrinn.. Take a chill pill.

Ha ha. see what I did there? :P

Anyways, if you're saying educate yourself, and you are, then I'm with you. But I'm sure you're smart enough to note the contradiction you imply in the entirety of your argument; don't trust the educated.

The drugs don't motivate you and yet you wrote a really long post defending your self. :P

You are correct, in my view, to criticise the pharma industry. It's a for profit industry - it gets shit funded and brought to market, but morals do get diluted. And we still don't know much about what we're tinkering with. And in that process lots of people got screwed over.

I like what you said about experience. Are you happy? Are you stable? If you're not, why should one listen to you about happiness and stability?

It isn't all about experience. Because I'm sure you can tell me a lot of about life, about happiness, and everything in between. Your views won't be immediately invalidated because you haven't experienced it personally.

You know what, I feel like I'm having a go at you. And that's not my intention at all. So I'll stop. ha ha.
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Apologies, I figured fuck it I'll have a go at cranking it out with a proper post through the fog of 10mg of Ativan, and a couple beers. Hopefully the next three will put me to sleep. How did I do? ;p

Anyway, yeah, out of context there is that contradiction. But when in the context of direct experience vs. no direct experience, very big difference on how those two relate, "educated wise". Besides all I said was after a doc suggests something, go home and do some research and ask more questions if needed. I see nothing wrong with that. That's what I meant by "educating yourself" in this context, as opposed to just gobbling up whatever X doctors wants to "try" without any awareness of anything but what they tell you. Just be skeptical really is all I was getting at.

And no I'm not stable, never have been never will. Not happy either. And thus, nobody should EVER take my advice of medication, take any and everything I say with a grain of salt, as you should everybody you ever meet. Question everything.
 
ArynCrinn said:
Apologies, I figured fuck it I'll have a go at cranking it out with a proper post through the fog of 10mg of Ativan, and a couple beers. Hopefully the next three will put me to sleep. How did I do? ;p

Lots of stuff from three posts snipped
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I really appreciate you engaging in the discussion, ArynCrinn! I think we actually agree more than we disagree. I'll just say this - when any of us looks at the information out there, we apply our own mental filter. Any thread about diet on GAF shows this. People (including myself) go look for the data that supports their position. The one advantage that the health care professional has over the Google-equipped patient is that, as part of medical training, (good training, at any rate) you're forced to defend your line of reasoning. At the weekly morbidity and mortality conferences, a doctor gets GRILLED on every decision made in the care of a patient who experienced a bad outcome. You just don't get this when it's you and Google. You can ignore data and ideas that don't fit your biases. In your health care training. you're called on over and over to defend your ideas. you have to answer to patients, their families. your colleagues, the law, society...when you and I post on GAF, none of that is true.

It's a really interesting discussion. I'll just say from my own experience, the new model really is health care team and patient collaborating on issues of heath and wellness. When it work,s it's great. But man! there was that sinking feeling when a patient brought in materials he or she had found on the web! I had patients who were themselves physicians and nurses, which always sucked as a junior medical student. But even there, I remember an exchange I had with an anti-vaccine person. Fortunately, I had just read that paper she cited to me and I knew a) what it actually said (most people just read abstracts, which are too often, well, not exactly accurate), b) the problems with that particular study (there were tons, and c) other research that had very strong methodology and was reproducible that made a strong case against what this physician was saying for her kid.

I'll stop before I ramble too much more. :P
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
It's a weird feeling to wish you could just feel things like other people. I don't really feel depressed anymore, I think I finally broke out of that, but now I'm just back to feeling numb again. Nothing really interests me, things that interest me I get tired of really quickly and I don't really derive any pleasure from stuff anymore it just feels... numb. Nothing is bad or good, it's just sort of there. Maybe I can make friends at my new job but it seems most people are older than me by a decent amount so I'm not sure. I don't know which is worse anymore.
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zeemumu said:
Yeah this happens to me too. I can laugh and have fun, but it's always a temporary feeling like the pain of getting pinched, and never feels real. The only things that even remotely make me feel better are doing nice things for other people, which is becoming detrimental because tearing yourself apart to improve someone else's life, while nice, probably isn't good for you. There's also hanging out with my few close friends but I try not to do that too often because I don't want to annoy them by constantly asking to hang out. I just wish that I had the ability to connect with people on a deeper emotional level so that I'd be more adept at having conversations, and maybe it would make me a more engaging and interesting person.
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I'm gonna go ahead and third this sentiment. I don't really feel "sad" without reason, I feel sad/frustrated because the things I used to enjoy aren't bringing me any enjoyment anymore and I generally feel too exhausted/unmotivated 24/7 to literally do anything productive or "fun".
 
Fiction said:
I just took my methotrexate, I'm escalating to six pills this week and eight next if all goes well. Wish me luck! >.<
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Since I'm not 100% sure what is going on, good luck with your big fancy chemical word! Kick ass, take names, rinse, repeat. :3 <3
 
Zaraki_Kenpachi said:
It's a weird feeling to wish you could just feel things like other people. I don't really feel depressed anymore, I think I finally broke out of that, but now I'm just back to feeling numb again. Nothing really interests me, things that interest me I get tired of really quickly and I don't really derive any pleasure from stuff anymore it just feels... numb. Nothing is bad or good, it's just sort of there. Maybe I can make friends at my new job but it seems most people are older than me by a decent amount so I'm not sure. I don't know which is worse anymore.
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zeemumu said:
Yeah this happens to me too. I can laugh and have fun, but it's always a temporary feeling like the pain of getting pinched, and never feels real. The only things that even remotely make me feel better are doing nice things for other people, which is becoming detrimental because tearing yourself apart to improve someone else's life, while nice, probably isn't good for you. There's also hanging out with my few close friends but I try not to do that too often because I don't want to annoy them by constantly asking to hang out. I just wish that I had the ability to connect with people on a deeper emotional level so that I'd be more adept at having conversations, and maybe it would make me a more engaging and interesting person.
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Sounds like anhedonia. I've gone through phases of it myself. I don't have much insight to offer about it, unfortunately.
 
Smiley90 said:
To be fair, it's a very common symptom of nearly every mental illness, not just by itself.
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Yeah, it mentions that in the wiki for the most part. I don't know, it's just frustrating having anything so I think having anything with a label be depressing. Way too much of a stigma with stuff like that.
 
Sorry guys for always barging...It's still Wednesday here...And I decided to do a project of sorts. If anyone is interested, just go find about it on my tumblr. I was rushing to do this painting as I've been getting mentally abused by parents lately...And questioning why I even bother anymore....

Anyways....
tumblr_n32r8zlspp1sjx7hbo1_1280.jpg
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Articuno

A bit of a rushed painting, though I did my best to mimic snow and a blizzard. Enjoy.
 
Just had the "religion" talk with my parents. Nothing went well and I'm not alright. I actually forgot how terrible it felt to be this upset.
The glares I got today from them just killed me. The accusations that I worship the devil and that I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Fuck.
I'm not OK.

It feels like when I was fighting with depression a few years back. Only it came back in a few minutes.
 
When I'm having a hard time, sometimes I'll tell my father about it. He has pointed out I've survived everything this far, and I realize that whatever I'm dealing with is not important enough for me to allow it to severely damage me. It's just something in my way or holding me back. I simplify things by trying to take one of two routes to deal with the stress- I try to do what I think is the right/politically correct route once. Then I just walk on by if that doesn't work. Or go work out/take a hike/beat up a punching bag (okay, more like 3).
 
PaulExcellent said:
Just had the "religion" talk with my parents. Nothing went well and I'm not alright. I actually forgot how terrible it felt to be this upset.
The glares I got today from them just killed me. The accusations that I worship the devil and that I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Fuck.
I'm not OK.

It feels like when I was fighting with depression a few years back. Only it came back in a few minutes.
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You don't need their approval to be the person that you are. We're all children of parents, and those of us fortunate (?) enough to have parents that have hopes and dreams for us eventually have to come to terms with the fact that we're often not what they hope we are, and that's difficult every single time.

I don't know how old you are, and it doesn't apply. Your choices are yours to make, set, act on, switch and/or refine. You don't need anyone's approval for that, as a decision like religion, faith, etc is supposed to be made based on your outlook, built on a collection of your experiences. Their disapproval of you stems DIRECTLY from the fact that they feel they didn't do enough to make you the way that they wanted, I'd wager. And no one ought to make you be, think, believe or feel one way or another.
 
I feel like such a disappointment in life.

I've set high expectations for myself. I've studied hard. I've achieved good grades. 3 As for my A-levels. Graduated from a Top 25 world university with a good grade.

But it's been two years and I still haven't got myself a job. Just rejection after rejection after rejection.

Just now I received a rejection from medicine. This is the third year in a row which I have applied. I feel pathetic. Also received a rejection from a graduate scheme from a bank. So far, I've counted all the applications I've been rejected for. More than 25.

I hate myself.
 
For those of you who remember my posts in here - a LOT has happened. I'm still using the hemp oil, which continues to help me and other current or new patients, many of whom had no idea about it. Hemp oil and other essential vitamins, nutrients, fatty acids, etc. saved the life of a few of my family members, many of my friends, and so many people around the world from cancer, mental illnesses, epilepsy, and so much more.

HOWEVER - I was detained at one point after my co-worker totaled my car and my family eventually showed up, yelling about the car rather than asking if I'm okay or letting me talk. So I went with the cops to EPS, where after not giving me a chance to read the papers they wanted me to sign, fast-tracked me to the mental health facility since I was there once before. After a lot of scary stuff, I took the doctor to court where they decided that not only was I 100% mentally healthy but the diagnosis of bipolar 1 / 2 was deferred as a possibility. I was discharged with the order to STOP taking the pills prescribed to me.

Now I'm working on cases against the doctor and staff that was holding me (and nearly killed me with sedatives because I politely declined to take Seroquel following some bloody side effects). She claimed I was delusional and claimed to own a company, work with SCEA and unfit to take care of myself. Even though I had, in my pocket, the business cards of my company and our affiliates, we won in court without even pulling those out. ALSO - Against the previous doctor who had put me on Depakote (illicits bipolar behavior), Lithium (technically illegal to prescripe), and Abilify (which they have been losing TONs of cases over the last year). Essentially, the pharmaceutical mental health slave system against me, as recently seen in Dallas Buyer's Club in the case of medicating against AIDs.

Finally, I'm seeking damages from the county and medical facility because the doctor who held me for 14+ days made it difficult or impossible for me to continue this quarter at school, to close some business deals, to manage my finances, talk to the police/insurance concerning my accident, and so on. Currently, I'm raising money with my personal art, working with a small team to film or produce graphical work for local business, and more to get a new car.

Those of you who have suffered or still suffer like I did the past decade plus, HOLD STRONG. There are many ways to help heal the chemical imbalances and even some of the more traumatic areas of your memory that can often cause immense self doubt and make life seem like hell on Earth.

It's not. This is our lives, right now, and we can work toward making it better, even when things feel like they are moving backwards.. In fact, sometimes they need to, for the people in power to make changes that can benefit us all. Greed is valued above humanity, and this is a problem I've been hoping to tackle since I was 8 years old.

Thank you, yet again, for reading and posting your personal demons in here. You have all continuously given me hope by helping each other and by talking with me in this thread (or privately)..
 
Thought some of you might get a kick out of this.

http://www.popsci.com/article/scien...oducts-because-they-might-contain-antibiotics

A homeopathy company is recalling some products because they may contain traces of a real antibiotic in them.

It's a funny recall because, among other principles, homeopathy is based on the idea of diluting substances to such an extent they're barely detectable&#8212;or no longer there at all. They're not supposed to contain active medicines. The company conducting the recall, Terra Medica of Ferndale, Washington, even describes its recalled products on its website as not containing antibiotics or antibiotic substances.
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Two: In part because homeopathic products have been generally recognized as safe, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has mostly chosen not to regulate them. Unless they claim to cure serious conditions, such as cancer, the FDA doesn't ask homeopathy companies to prove their products are safe or effective.
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As for post above me:
xenorevlis said:
Hemp oil and other essential vitamins, nutrients, fatty acids, etc. saved the life of a few of my family members, many of my friends, and so many people around the world from cancer, mental illnesses, epilepsy, and so much more.
Click to expand...

That's quite a claim. I assume you have some credible data backing this up.
 
So far my spring break sucks, I wasted a week doing nothing. I had programming homework to do that's due next week and I need to be prepared to do my research paper by doing annotated bibliography. Instead I do nothing but watch t.v. and play garry's mod on steam.

I could've even used to time to study data structures. But no because I don't feel like doing anything. What's sad is that I never even went outside. I only go out when I have to take out the garbage.
 
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
 
grap3fruitman said:
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
Click to expand...
Come talk to us in IRC! Our antics should cheer you up a little.
velociraptor said:
I feel like such a disappointment in life.

I've set high expectations for myself. I've studied hard. I've achieved good grades. 3 As for my A-levels. Graduated from a Top 25 world university with a good grade.

But it's been two years and I still haven't got myself a job. Just rejection after rejection after rejection.

Just now I received a rejection from medicine. This is the third year in a row which I have applied. I feel pathetic. Also received a rejection from a graduate scheme from a bank. So far, I've counted all the applications I've been rejected for. More than 25.

I hate myself.
Click to expand...
It's a rough economy, man. It has little to do with you, seeing how well you did in school, and much more to do with the actions of forces much larger than us (government and corporations).
Necedah said:
When I'm having a hard time, sometimes I'll tell my father about it. He has pointed out I've survived everything this far, and I realize that whatever I'm dealing with is not important enough for me to allow it to severely damage me. It's just something in my way or holding me back. I simplify things by trying to take one of two routes to deal with the stress- I try to do what I think is the right/politically correct route once. Then I just walk on by if that doesn't work. Or go work out/take a hike/beat up a punching bag (okay, more like 3).
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Make sure to beat up a punching bag at least twice a week. ;)
 
grap3fruitman said:
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
Click to expand...

That is exactly how I felt this year. Expected a call or a text at least from my sister but did not happen. Why I am still alive?
 
Two of my dogs attacked my cat and her injuries were so bad that we had to put her down. The fuck do we bother with pets for if they are just going to die,

Already having an awful week ontop of an awful month so why not just add more to the fucking pile. Just fuck everything. The universe just loves to shit on me lately.
 
I am losing my appetite and not entirely sure why. I have a lot of anxiety and I might be falling into depression from not being able to go out and hang with my peers, aka so called friends. There's also the possibility of the fact I am eating the same food every week. This has been a terrible year so far.
 
grap3fruitman said:
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
Click to expand...

Happy birthday.

Step one go out and buy beer
Step two get back on NeoGAF and be prepared to make stupid drunk posts on the drunk thread.
Step Three Talk to us. Thats what we are all here for. If things go south someone will be more than willing to help you get your bearings.
 
I don't know how I feel about people removing me from Facebook for no reason and not having to explain themselves....Oh well...

grap3fruitman said:
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
Click to expand...

Cheer up!
I did a surprise painting today which coincides on your birthday!

tumblr_n35u5r7VSh1sjx7hbo1_1280.jpg
Click to expand...

Julian

I don't know how or why, but this is single handily the most popular painting as of now on my tumblr.
I had to draw this real quick for giveaway, hoping I'll win this thing lol.
 
grap3fruitman said:
So my birthday is tomorrow. I have no friends and no plans. Same as every year. That's not what's got me down. I'm sad because I told myself this year would be different and I believed it. =(
Click to expand...

I know the feeling. I do have my wife and parents but no friends. Some of my facebook friends do wish me Happy B-Day but that isn't enough to make me not feel lonely. I still never hear from them during the rest of the year, even when I try to initiate a convo.
 
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