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[ceramic]

What kind of therapy, may I ask?

And does anyone here have experience with group therapy? What kinds of problems is that recommended for? The thought of it makes me pretty uncomfortable but sometimes I wonder if something like that would be good for me, with my problems connecting with and opening up to other people.

I attended group therapy for anxiety on the NHS about a year or so ago.

They broke down the elements of anxiety (like what causes it, and what keeps it going), into 12 sessions lasting about 3 and a half hours each. We were given tasks to do in between sessions, like 'mini experiments', where you test out a negative prediction (e.g. about starting a conversation with somebody) and then report to the rest of the group at the next session.

There is no pressure to say anything at the meetings but participation is encouraged. Conversations largely depend on the topic of that week (such as at the beginning when discussing situations that cause us anxiety).

It didn't do all that much for me, I never felt comfortable opening up emotionally in the presence of others. I would have rather taken individual therapy. Then again, I feel like I have made progress in the last year, and if I attended again I would contribute more. I feel like with therapy you really get out what you put in. Maybe I could see about attending a second course.

I tried to keep in touch with some of the other members of the group but a mixture of our own anxieties and life got in the way.

 

[SugarDave]

you mentioned "healthy relationships". what do you mean by that? many do wrong things with the best intentions.

considering you're still young how are your thoughts about moving out? just the idea of it, does it feel exciting/a relief or are you afraid of leaving your parents? for me once I moved out, things got a lot better. as you said, you're more outgoing with new people probably because you don't fall into that role you have, when you're with family.

I just mean that I get along with them all and the extent of any conflict between us is playful, harmless ribbing.

I'm the kind of person who appreciates new ideas and changes in theory but is slow to embrace them and get the ball rolling when they need to be implemented. I've always liked the idea of being more independent so I'd say it's generally something I'd be excited about, not to imply it would be an easy shift. I have saved a lot of money over the years and I'm hoping to land an apprenticeship soon that will pay decently, but I'm not quite sure moving out would be an option for me at just this moment.

I wouldn't be surprised if moving out ended up helping me find my identity though, so to speak.

 

[Bagels]

Is there anybody to talk/message to today? Someone who responds in 15-30 minutes and will be up for quite some time?(Like an hour or two, I've just had a major breakdown again and I would love to speak to someone.) I would like to make an public post to this thred, but they usually get lost in the stream of posts. And even when somebody responds, they rarely create anything productive.

Stop by chat? You can PM people in there and have a private discussion. I'll be in there for a bit.

 

[Burger_Baron]

I have now confirmed (to addition of doctors confirmation) that I have severe depression, and I shall start taking meds. I had a bad start today when I had a good dream, well, perfect dream actually. I can't remember anything from it, except that I was happy in it. Happier than for a while. That dream might have had something to do with being a dad, which I have had some dreams lately.

Anyway, waking up today felt hard as fuck. And when I was head down to the ground, my dad started to yell, insult, and generally harass me for not being normal and "slacking around". Well, I got to bed, slept for another 6 hours for the day, woke up and thought about things for 3 hours, and now I'm supposed to go asleep again.

This is a quick priming for the things I have been thinking for a while.

For example I don't have many friends at the moment. And the ones I do have, I keep pushing away by closing in to myself, and they in the response keep pushing me away due to me not showing interest in them. Also, I don't have any subjects to speak to them about, other than my "miserable" situation in life. And this also keeps pushing them away from me, as I except somekind of expression of kindness or acceptance, which they cannot give to me as lack of experience or knowledge. So they just nod and conform, and leave. Also because of this, I get super nervous of talking to my friends, usually moving to the bathroom to have a minor panic attack and to collect myself, as I realize that this isn't working out. Also, these people are more like aqcuaintances than friends, due to my "real" friends all have moved far away, and are busy building their own lives.

So, the question I think at this point would be that: Should I try to pursue friendship with the conditions I have at the moment, cause I really like to talking to people and hanging out with them, like any other human being, as much as social pressures I have.

 

[Colin.]

Can UK GPs prescribe antidepressants or do I need to be referred to a psychiatrist first? Can I get referred direct to a psychiatrist from my GP or do I have to go through a psychologist first?

They certainly can. But the results of that would vary, depending on how good/thorough your own GP is. I know I wouldn't go to mine for that sort of thing. My preference would be the psychiatrist, as they will be more thorough on average, and matters of the mind is what they specialize in. You can get a referral to see one, as well as other one-on-one therapy options. Here is a repost of mine from a few pages back, in regards to how to go about it:

Providing you live in, or are near a decent sized town, there should be some sort of mental health centre in your area. Have a search, and see if one shows up. If one does, it will usually list what services they offer, and inform you of the process in order to be seen there (typically just a GP referral is needed) I'd recommend it, as seeing a therapist frequently can improve your well-being overall. I'd only recommend you go through this process if your issues are long term, as the wait to be seen is also pretty lengthy, in true NHS fashion. It was a 5 month wait for me, but it varies. It should be considerably quicker to be seen by a psychiatrist, as you would see them for less time (around 15 minutes in my case) and much less frequently.

 

[halfbeast]

I just mean that I get along with them all and the extent of any conflict between us is playful, harmless ribbing.

I'm the kind of person who appreciates new ideas and changes in theory but is slow to embrace them and get the ball rolling when they need to be implemented. I've always liked the idea of being more independent so I'd say it's generally something I'd be excited about, not to imply it would be an easy shift. I have saved a lot of money over the years and I'm hoping to land an apprenticeship soon that will pay decently, but I'm not quite sure moving out would be an option for me at just this moment.

I wouldn't be surprised if moving out ended up helping me find my identity though, so to speak.

don't know where you're from and how common sharing an apartment with somebody is, but that would make things easier financially. depending on how your relationship with your parents is, they might even help you out. actually, just mentioning it to them would show how they perceive you. my parents laughed at me, when I told them I want to move out.

 

[Ashes]

So, the question I think at this point would be that: Should I try to pursue friendship with the conditions I have at the moment, cause I really like to talking to people and hanging out with them, like any other human being, as much as social pressures I have.

Being isolated is thought to be bad for depression. So it's not a good idea.

I personally like introverted people.

How often do you get nervous when talking to friends?

 

[SniperHunter]

I'm feeling like shit.

Today is my 26th birthday. I still live with my parents and have never been in a relationship.

Meanwhile, my brother's wedding was yesterday. Now he's a married lawyer, my sister's a married nurse with a 3-year-old, and I'm just such a loser by comparison.

And on top of that, nobody cares that it's my birthday because everyone's so busy celebrating my brother's wedding.

I feel like I'm being selfish though, because I'm so busy feeling shitty about myself that I can't feel good for my brother.

Happy birthday

I am 29, never been in a relationship and I live with my parents as well. I pay $500 rent everymonth, I take care of the car, buy grocery etc. Try to help them out bro. Don't freeload off them, that's a bad habit.

Also try to recognize what you are into and go after it (career wise). I wasted A LOT of time due to high level of anxiety in my early 20's and you shouldn't make the same mistake. Get educated and get a job, relationships can come after

 

[SuperEpicMan]

I have been taking Citalopram 20mg tablets for a while now. I have also being seeing my doctor about potentially having IBS or something that produces its symptoms. Yesterday I was just looking at the side effects of Citalopram and it says it is possible to have many symptoms similar to IBS such as abdominal cramps etc. Is it likely in my case that it is the tablets causing this, has anyone else had a similar experience.

 

[Smiley90]

Went out for brunch with my 3 coworkers (and a few others) today.

My newest coworker (been there for 5 months) brought her boyfriend and when she introduced everyone she forgot my name.

We've worked together and interacted daily for the last 5 months.

Welp.

Go go existential crisis anxiety attack.

 

[Smiley90]

I have been taking Citalopram 20mg tablets for a while now. I have also being seeing my doctor about potentially having IBS or something that produces its symptoms. Yesterday I was just looking at the side effects of Citalopram and it says it is possible to have many symptoms similar to IBS such as abdominal cramps etc. Is it likely in my case that it is the tablets causing this, has anyone else had a similar experience.

Funny you should say this:

I've had IBS for like 10 years or more now and started taking Citalopram/Celexa in January. It made my IBS A LOT worse. Like A LOT to the point where I had vasovagal syncopy and fainted from it. That was on 10mg, super low dose. Switched to effexor and it's been PERFECTLY fine with my IBS.

Just my two cents.

 

[Vicetrailia]

How do people get over the past? Try as I might, I can't look past my biggest mistakes, forgive my one "parent" and get over many childhood based circumstances/memories/feelings.

Outside of these forums I'm social and active, but I don't open up to anyone about my life. My SO knows the most about me, quite a bit, but I can't share my biggest secrets with her and she truly doesn't know everything about me, especially about how I grew up (still affects me). She see's what I want her to see, or what she understands by consequence of being around me. Generally I show people what I want them to see and then they hit a brick wall. If I can't talk to others, how do I work on this myself? Maybe success will make me forgive and forget, but I've come a long way and still haven't forgotten.

 

[Burger_Baron]

Being isolated is thought to be bad for depression. So it's not a good idea.

I personally like introverted people.

How often do you get nervous when talking to friends?

I went through this on the MenGaf IRCchat, and came to conclusion that I am not looking for friendship per se, but rather just acceptance that I am not alone, and reassurance that everything will be allright. The downside is that I am too deep in the depression that I could be enjoying friendship at all. But it is the socializing as a basic human need that I grave, and the sadness and anxiousness what I see when other people are laughing and enjoying the company of others. I want to be enjoying friendship, but I simply can not. Among variety of other things. And this is why all my friends are fading out, cause I have no strenght nor the resources to do anything about it.

 

[Ashes]

I went through this on the MenGaf IRCchat, and came to conclusion that I am not looking for friendship per se, but rather just acceptance that I am not alone, and reassurance that everything will be allright. The downside is that I am too deep in the depression that I could be enjoying friendship at all. But it is the socializing as a basic human need that I grave, and the sadness and anxiousness what I see when other people are laughing and enjoying the company of others. I want to be enjoying friendship, but I simply can not. Among variety of other things. And this is why all my friends are fading out, cause I have no strenght nor the resources to do anything about it.

Hmm.. Ok. Seems like you have a good idea of what exactly is going on in that head of yours.

I'm going to ask a random question: Do you like your self?

 

[Burger_Baron]

Hmm.. Ok. Seems like you have a good idea of what exactly is going on in that head of yours.

I'm going to ask a random question: Do you like your self?

Maybe, I don't know. I mean I don't look bad, actually I like the way I look even if some others might not (Only comment about my outlook ever has been "Shave that fucking neckbeard!")

But on the brain-department could maybe use fixing here and there regarding skills. It's nothing that cannot be fixed with hard work. But on the other hand nobodys perfect, and that's the way it should be. I don't hate thing more than perfectness.

And there are traits in me that other people hold high on their list (Have achieved the Good Guy Greg status more times than I can remember)

All and all, I guess I'm pretty swell guy.

 

[Yasae]

How do people get over the past? Try as I might, I can't look past my biggest mistakes, forgive my one "parent" and get over many childhood based circumstances/memories/feelings.

Outside of these forums I'm social and active, but I don't open up to anyone about my life. My SO knows the most about me, quite a bit, but I can't share my biggest secrets with her and she truly doesn't know everything about me, especially about how I grew up (still affects me). She see's what I want her to see, or what she understands by consequence of being around me. Generally I show people what I want them to see and then they hit a brick wall. If I can't talk to others, how do I work on this myself? Maybe success will make me forgive and forget, but I've come a long way and still haven't forgotten.

Everyone has secrets, and they become more obvious the less a person mentions anything surrounding them. If you talk little or selectively of your past, that's usually a giveaway, and I would bet good money other people have already picked up on such.

So it's not quite as big a secret as you might like.

If it's a large barrier that you aren't comfortable talking about, therapy might help. You can go at your own pace and find someone who works for you.

 

[Windam]

There needs to be a drug that makes you feel numb yesterday. I can't take this.

 

[Canon]

I'm on a drug called Baclofen for anxiety (although it's not really made for that, my doctor thought it would help). And it has. For the past 3 years I've been on it. But for the past 2 years I've been sick really bad off and on physically.

Really bad urinary and digestive problems. Dark or brown urine, blackish excrement (although not pitch black lately). A year ago when I was having bad symptoms I was tested for a urinary tract infection and a stool sample but nothing showed up. I had a bunch of blood tests too and nothing showed up. Everyone said there was nothing wrong, but still I feel like shit half the time -- and there's physical evidence that it ain't just anxiety or depression, but somehow they don't show up in tests.

I could go into more detail but I don't know if there's a separate "medical" thread, since I'm not sure if this is mental. But my question is, could my pills be causing these symptoms?

It works for anxiety, never really have problems with it too much anymore. But I can't think of anything else that could cause these physical symptoms. I gave up all dairy products and all caffeine / chocolate / soda because I found they would make the symptoms worse.

I was tested for diabetes since I have most of the symptoms. Nothing showed up. I even had a colonoscopy and endoscopy and aside from the former hurting my penis (oh yeah penis pain is another great side effect I have off and on such as waking up this morning with it and diarrhea as I have almost every morning for the past 2-3 years), nothing showed up.

I've lost about 50 pounds too, not intentionally. Yeah I have been walking more than usual but even when I don't exercise for weeks and eat a lot, I still can't gain any weight, or I lose it the next day or two. My body has changed a lot and even though I look way better, I don't feel it.

Tiredness, dizziness, etc. all happen frequently, and I can tell a lot of it has to do with my urinary problems (which I have no idea the cause of nor has it shown up).

I could try and make an appointment for a urologist to do a cystoscopy but I really don't want to and I'm positive nothing would show up anyway. Nothing ever does. So maybe it is the pill? But without it I can't deal with the new shit I go through before I had to take it.

 

[Polydeuces]

And the pre test stress begins. Ive been making notes for each topic the course has covered but whenever I see a question that looks so strange to me although I remember what concept it is and made notes on it , it makes my morale drop. I keep bashing myself for not practicing questions and making notes. The cycle of hatred starts to spin...

 

[Bagels]

I'm on a drug called Baclofen for anxiety (although it's not really made for that, my doctor thought it would help). And it has. For the past 3 years I've been on it. But for the past 2 years I've been sick really bad off and on physically.

Really bad urinary and digestive problems. Dark or brown urine, blackish excrement (although not pitch black lately). A year ago when I was having bad symptoms I was tested for a urinary tract infection and a stool sample but nothing showed up. I had a bunch of blood tests too and nothing showed up. Everyone said there was nothing wrong, but still I feel like shit half the time -- and there's physical evidence that it ain't just anxiety or depression, but somehow they don't show up in tests.

SNIP.

Short answer: it's a definite possibility that your symptoms are due to the Baclofen.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/baclofen-side-effects.html

You'll find your side effects listed for Baclofen wherever you look. I was in medical school and, yeah, I remember some of this stuff for Baclofen.

That's certainly not definitive proof or anything, but you are basically having all of the side effects for Baclofen. I'd see if your doctor is cool with you stopping it for a time (and note that there can be problems with stopping the drug, too) and seeing if things improve.

 

[Wilsongt]

One day, I hope I find a healthy relationship I can be proud of...

 

[Canon]

Short answer: it's a definite possibility that your symptoms are due to the Baclofen.

http://www.drugs.com/sfx/baclofen-side-effects.html

You'll find your side effects listed for Baclofen wherever you look. I was in medical school and, yeah, I remember some of this stuff for Baclofen.

That's certainly not definitive proof or anything, but you are basically having all of the side effects for Baclofen. I'd see if your doctor is cool with you stopping it for a time (and note that there can be problems with stopping the drug, too) and seeing if things improve.

I have lowered the dose since the more severe symptoms in 2012, and it's not as bad as then. It's weird though that some days I feel fine.

I can definitely feel my anxiety get worse just before my next dose. I can feel the drug wearing off. But it's hard to say if it's worth these symptoms (if it's causing them).

I also feel dehydrated a lot. I suppose that is another symptom. But then again every drug has most of these symptoms listed, so I don't know what other drug I could take.

I could try lowering it from 35 MG a day to less. Before I was on over 100 MG which made me feel great but then a week later or so I got super sick. There's a definite connection if not coincidence. I also take Zopiclone, a sleeping pill, but I don't think it has these side effects.

 

[User 100115]

Went out for brunch with my 3 coworkers (and a few others) today.

My newest coworker (been there for 5 months) brought her boyfriend and when she introduced everyone she forgot my name.

We've worked together and interacted daily for the last 5 months.

Welp.

Go go existential crisis anxiety attack.

Wanted to just say:

I am so, so shit at remembering people's names. It's a huge problem for me. Like, I met my half brother two years ago right? I've been introduced to his two half brothers, been to 50+ family gatherings with them, spoken with each at length, and I can't for the life of me remember which is which name. It's awful and I hate it.

I also worry I will forget what people look like if I haven't seen them in ages. Like, picking my sister up from the airport after not seeing her for two years had me nearly panicking that I wouldn't recognize her. (I did)

Just say she has the same problem and don't beat yourself up

 

[MisterLuffy]

I passed my Ethnic Studies class. I did good in my final; however, my instructor pointed out that I was being offensive when I answered the question on what kind of immigration law I would have. I didn't mean to be offensive....right now I feel bummed out because my instructor is a decent teacher and I don't want him to think of me like that whenever we pass by. This class is not one of my strong suits so I feel like I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm just misunderstanding person who doesn't know what's good for the world. Even though I got an A- on it, still feel horrible of what I said on the paper.

 

[TheStruggler]

I really feel like I need medication to help me with these issues.

I went out today in order to join a yoga class, as it's a 3 day weekend and I didn't want to waste it. As I approached the building I could feel my anxiety shooting up, my mind was just pumping out hundreds of reasons why I shouldn't do it; I don't belong there, the class will be mostly/ all women who will find me uncomfortable, I'm too ugly, I'm not wearing the right gym clothes, I'm going to embarrass myself, I'm not going to be able to start a conversation with them and they will find it weird.

I went into the building and up the stairs, got up to the doors where you enter the reception area and I just choked. I kind of hovered outside the door for about 15 minutes until it was too late.

There was another gym class an hour and a half later. I left the building for the time being. When I got near the building my mind started pumping out reasons for not doing it again. This time I felt tired and weak which made it worse. I hovered outside the building for about 20 minutes, fighting with myself to go inside, but I couldn't do it.

This anxiety is destroying my life.

Even when I get into social situations I can't express myself how I would like as I feel hugely inhibited. So even if I attended the classes it's not like I would make friends in them.


Can UK GPs prescribe antidepressants or do I need to be referred to a psychiatrist first? Can I get referred direct to a psychiatrist from my GP or do I have to go through a psychologist first?

I used to have the same problem in junior high i actually missed a month of schoo, cus my anxiety and depression was really bad ( i still got homework and di it at home however). Dealing with anxiety is tough but when you figure it out its really easy. When I was in therapy in junior high my therapist said the "what if" statement is a killer for anxiety. your situation is the same "what if i dont belong here, what if i wear the wrong clothes, what if the girls dont like me" your giving yourself excuses not to go that fuel your anxiety and then you back away from it. The best thing for anxiety is exposure you HAVE to go to those classes. If you dont every time your at that door you are going to have a panic attack every single time, because you programmed your mind with what if's and your setting yourself up for failure.

Im going to tell you straight up no one cares what you dress like at a gym/yoga class, no one will point at you saying you dont belong here, no one will look at you funny, its all in your head. You think everyone is pointing and laughing at you however they are not. You need to do three things, you need more exposure that will rattle your anxiety cage a little, yes you may feel a little bad at first but a panic attack only lasts so long, your not going to die you will get through it alright and when you do sure you may feel tired but relish in the victory that your stayed and beat it, two I need you to stop saying what if's in your head, your setting yourself up for failure before you even start and you are fuelling the anxiety, and three the best advice my therapist told me and showed me, he got up gave me an empty pill bottle with a note inside, the note said "if i could prescribe exercise as a medication i would give it to everyone. Exercise such as running and weight lifting helped soooo much with my anxiety and depression and it extremely boosted my confidence.

take it easy bud

 

[Smiley90]

Wanted to just say:

I am so, so shit at remembering people's names. It's a huge problem for me. Like, I met my half brother two years ago right? I've been introduced to his two half brothers, been to 50+ family gatherings with them, spoken with each at length, and I can't for the life of me remember which is which name. It's awful and I hate it.

I also worry I will forget what people look like if I haven't seen them in ages. Like, picking my sister up from the airport after not seeing her for two years had me nearly panicking that I wouldn't recognize her. (I did)

Just say she has the same problem and don't beat yourself up

She remembered everyone else's name.

Even our volunteer who she's seen like 10 times in total.

And like I said, we interact every day. Our lab is small. We see each other for like 6 of the 8 hours we work together every day. And talk, too.

 

[White Man]

She remembered everyone else's name.

Even our volunteer who she's seen like 10 times in total.

And like I said, we interact every day. Our lab is small. We see each other for like 6 of the 8 hours we work together every day. And talk, too.

I really wouldn't put much into it. My brother doesn't remember my name. Then again, we haven't talked in about 3 years at this point.

 

[Smiley90]

I really wouldn't put much into it. My brother doesn't remember my name. Then again, we haven't talked in about 3 years at this point.

Yeah but how would you feel if a person you've talked to and worked with daily for the past 5 months went

"These are my friends Daniel, Greg, Paul and..................." "you've got to be fucking kidding me" -everyone laughs- "AHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHA" "..........." -she moves onto the next person, ignoring having to say my name- "and this is blabalbal"

and I just sit there going "wow"

 

[Flo]

Yeah but how would you feel if a person you've talked to and worked with daily for the past 5 months went

"These are my friends Daniel, Greg, Paul and..................." "you've got to be fucking kidding me" -everyone laughs- "AHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S HILARIOUS HAHAHAHAHAHA" "..........." -she moves onto the next person, ignoring having to say my name- "and this is blabalbal"

and I just sit there going "wow"

Yes, it's pretty awkward. If names aren't something you use regularly in the office, 5 months isn't that long. She could have handled it better though. Maybe next time just take the lead and introduce yourself (to her as well, that way it might be more awkward for her than for you).

 

[Mieu]

Is there someone I can chat through LINE, Viber, or WeChat?

 

[ceramic]

Ha! I made another attempt at attending a class today. Got changed and went up to the doors that lead into the studio and started compulsively tying up my shoelaces. I managed to force myself to walk forward and push open the door before I had another thought, and told the person nearest to me that it was my first time attending. The class members were very friendly, as was the instructor, who asked me if I was nervous and walked me through everything. Very glad I did it.

I actually attended a class two months ago, where my mind was screaming at me to leave as I didn't belong there, but my anxiety was so high that I wasn't really 'present' and attending another class has been difficult. This time though I felt like I was actually paying attention to what was going on and felt a bit more relaxed.

The great thing is that the anxiety was a little easier to deal with today. Even yesterday when I failed I found that the anxiety was easier to recognize.

I still need start actually talking to people and making friends though. Maybe this will become easier as I start to feel more relaxed around others. I still need to think of ways to strike up conversations with people I haven't spoken to before. I also need to know where it's OK and not OK to start a conversation. The problem for me at the minute is that nowhere feels like an OK place to start a conversation with people, as I feel like I'm being weird. I can more easily recognize that this is my own anxiety playing tricks on me now though.

 

[White Man]

Last night I threw my laptop through my TV again. It was my work machine this time. That's 2 to 3 grand in damage this time.

 

[Feltrol]

Last night I threw my laptop through my TV again. It was my work machine this time. That's 2 to 3 grand in damage this time.

Hope you don't mind me If I ask because I haven't been following the thread that much lately, but what makes you, like, rage or wanting to do such things?

 

[Lonely1]

When I'm introduced to someone new, I tell them to not take personal offense on me not remembering their names, since I'm very bad at them. Do you guys think is a bad idea?

Last night I threw my laptop through my TV again. It was my work machine this time. That's 2 to 3 grand in damage this time.

Dam, is there any insurance that will cover that kind of things? :S

 

[Colin.]

When I'm introduced to someone new, I tell them to not take personal offense on me not remembering their names, since I'm very bad at them. Do you guys think is a bad idea?

I wouldn't tell someone that when meeting them for the first time myself. If I did, it would feel like I'm suggesting they're forgettable, before I even get to know them. But that could just be my own perception. It doesn't seem worth mentioning, unless you do find yourself in a situation were you actually have forgotten their name, so they don't feel as bad about it.

 

[Ashes]

She remembered everyone else's name.

Even our volunteer who she's seen like 10 times in total.

And like I said, we interact every day. Our lab is small. We see each other for like 6 of the 8 hours we work together every day. And talk, too.

perhaps she didn't forget, & her mind went blank? Lots of people do that with their bank pins.

Still, she put you in an awkward position, didn't she? Which isn't really nice.

 

[Magnet_Man]

Don't have anyone to talk about this with so I figure I'll try here.

For a long time now I've felt trapped and stuck with my life. All of my friends have moved away or I had to cut ties with them because they would take advantage of me since I have a job, my own place, and a car and they don't. I haven't had the energy to do anything really, feeling hopeless, and viewing my hobbies that I used to love as traps that are just making things worse.

Finally I went to a doctor for an evaluation and after talking for a while she suggested anti-depressants. I tell her that I've never been adverse to taking medication, but I fear that if I need pills to be happy, I'll always need them and if I ever stop I'll just regress. I'm also scared that they'll only treat the symptoms rather than the cause, moving from one crutch to another. She talked for a bit about them and I asked for some time to think it over and consider my options before meeting again.

To me, it felt like she was really hanging on my response to the question, "have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy", and while I did answer "very much", a big part of that is that I'm ashamed of what I like. Like I'm excited as hell for Mario Kart 8 and Smash Bros 4, but when I interact with people and they want to learn more about me I shirk away because I'm embarrassed to be a 30 year dateless, friendless wonder that does nothing but browse the Internet, play games, and watch my old DVDs of shows and movies (mostly older animes like Trigun, G Gundam, and GunXSword). Even when I do those things the entire time I'm thinking how pathetic it is that this is all I do at my age and with my life.

I'm going to more outings that my co-workers bring up, but when I do go, I don't feel as though I contribute or get anything out of it. They don't have any interest in my hobbies and I don't have much interest in theirs. I just sit there and only talk when someone asks me something or when I think of a joke that I can inject in the conversation that others are having. To me, this feels one step above bus-stop small talk yet the entire experience leaves me exhausted.

I know people like me, but I don't feel like anyone respects me. They like me the way you like a puppy that has its head stuck in a shoe. It's cute how it flops around trying to do anything, but you'd never trust it to protect your family. So people enjoy being around me, but a relationship or spending one-on-one time? I get shot down every time or worse they try to but as soon as they realize how boring I actually am they can't get to their car fast enough.

I have a very pessimistic attitude to everything I do. "It's never going to work, I don't know what to do, I'm just making things worse", and so on. I want to go and meet people with similar tastes but I have no idea where to go or how to do that. I was looking at meetup.com after my doctor mentioned it helping one of her other patients, and some of it looks kinda interesting but I'm incredibly hesitant because of my pessimism and cowardice.

Sorry about the rambling but I felt like I needed to give some background info so I could get some honest opinions. Do you think antidepressants could help me? I'm not expecting these to suddenly make me a hit with the ladies or the life of the party and solve all my problems, what I'd like to know hopefully from others currently using medication is would medication help me feel better about being me? And not be so ashamed of what are normal, natural hobbies and tastes, and to help me not constantly talk myself out of doing things that could enable me to meet new people?

I am ignorant as hell about this and I don't have anyone that I can trust to speak to about this that could actually give me decent advice so I'm hoping that I might find information here from you all that would help me make my decision when I see my doctor again at the start of June. I kind of want to take them, but again I know so little about them I don't know if they would actually help.

Thank you very much.

 

[Collete]

I didn't deserve anything.
I shouldn't even try.
Giving up on going after people I like.

Maybe I'll just stay not liking people for the rest of my life. I mean it's not like I can land anyone that I care about back.

 

[heidern]

When I'm introduced to someone new, I tell them to not take personal offense on me not remembering their names, since I'm very bad at them. Do you guys think is a bad idea?

Yeah, you don't make yourself look good. Next time you see someone whose name you forgot say the following:

You: Hello
Them: Hello
You: I've got a confession to make
Them: What?(their ears will perk up and they'll become happy anticipating some juicy gossip)
You: I forgot your name! I'm really sorry.

Say it in a lighthearted way, preferably with a smile. By saying you're making a confession you're stating that you've done something that isn't right on some level. Your also putting your shield down and being super honest and in their reply they'll have to do the same thing. They'll laugh and say it's ok, they'll empathise since everyone forgets names at some point.

You can even carry on and use that as the conversation and ask them has that ever happened to them and they'll say yes and hey presto you have common ground and instant rapport.

And yes, you can just do this with pretty much everyone even if you do remember their name.

 

[MikeDip]

I am terrible with names. Some people just are bad at remembering certain things, don't take it personally

I usually just take a random guess though.
"Hey john!"
"My name is Bill"
"Oh, sorry. Hey Bill!"

Works just fine.

 

[Ashes]

I didn't deserve anything.
I shouldn't even try.
Giving up on going after people I like.

Maybe I'll just stay not liking people for the rest of my life. I mean it's not like I can land anyone that I care about back.

Make sure to buy a few cats.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I am terrible with names. Some people just are bad at remembering certain things, don't take it personally

I usually just take a random guess though.
"Hey john!"
"My name is Bill"
"Oh, sorry. Hey Bill!"

Works just fine.

Same here. I'm really bad with names, but good with faces. My uncles barely calls, and they take it personally when I don't remember their names when they ask me on the phone "What's my name?" or "Whose talking to you on the phone?" something like that. Even my other family members takes it personally when I had a reunion last year. It's not my fault that I have a bad memory.

 

[Hermii]

I didn't deserve anything.
I shouldn't even try.
Giving up on going after people I like.

Maybe I'll just stay not liking people for the rest of my life. I mean it's not like I can land anyone that I care about back.

One of these days you will if you keep trying

 

[Hermii]

I am terrible with names. Some people just are bad at remembering certain things, don't take it personally

I usually just take a random guess though.
"Hey john!"
"My name is Bill"
"Oh, sorry. Hey Bill!"

Works just fine.

I like that strategy Ken.

Oh sorry Mike.

 

[Wilsongt]

Honestly, it really is annoying to take emotional hit after emotional hit. The proverbial kick while down.

 

[Collete]

One of these days you will if you keep trying

Maybe...Thanks.
I'm just really sick of trying to do normal things as someone who's depressed. It makes everything hundred times harder for me.

 

[Windam]

I really hate how much I have to get down, and how I lack the motivation/energy to do it. I have the time, but the concentration isn't there, even if the mindset to get stuff done is.

 

[Polydeuces]

I really hate how much I have to get down, and how I lack the motivation/energy to do it. I have the time, but the concentration isn't there, even if the mindset to get stuff done is.

You just gotta do it. Sounds easy but hard to practice. You then gain some momentum and it should get you working. Take breaks as always and worry about your own progress.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I passed my Ethnic Studies class. I did good in my final; however, my instructor pointed out that I was being offensive when I answered the question on what kind of immigration law I would have. I didn't mean to be offensive....right now I feel bummed out because my instructor is a decent teacher and I don't want him to think of me like that whenever we pass by. This class is not one of my strong suits so I feel like I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm just misunderstanding person who doesn't know what's good for the world. Even though I got an A- on it, still feel horrible of what I said on the paper.

Well, there's a couple things entwined here. First, "offensive" is subjective -- it's quite possible that what you said wouldn't elicit that same reaction from a majority of people. Second, you received a really high mark, meaning that you stated your opinion and defended it well (because your prof, who probably disagreed with you on a personal level, nevertheless respected your argument). This is something to be really proud of, and it shows that you really do know what you're talking about. Third, the point of academia is that you submit your ideas, have them challenged, and reassess how you view the world, and that's what's going on here.

Fourth, and I don't mean to minimize things, because I went through this exact same thing in a French class in college where I got into an email discussion about immigration with my lecturer, but I'm pretty sure that she never thought about me again after that semester. By the way, today's me would be horrified at what college me said, so, there's that.

Don't beat yourself up too much. Enjoy the A- in a class that you admitted wasn't your strong suit!

 

[Pila]

To me, it felt like she was really hanging on my response to the question, "have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy", and while I did answer "very much", a big part of that is that I'm ashamed of what I like. Like I'm excited as hell for Mario Kart 8 and Smash Bros 4, but when I interact with people and they want to learn more about me I shirk away because I'm embarrassed

She was actually hanging on your response, that is a crucial question for her.

I don't know if you should take antidepressants, I don't think the internet is a good place to ask this question, but I think that you really should be open with her about the things you love. First off, liking Mario Kart is fine, keep in mind that she probably works with psychos, she's seen far worse. On top of that, she must know that you are passionate about something, it's the best thing for you, she needs your help to paint the whole scenario. If you build confidence, she'll be able to tell with more ease if you need those pills or not. Ask questions, be open about yourself, no point in being ashamed of yourself when speaking with a professional. Best luck.

(terrible english, I know, please understand