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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Anyone here have any experience with Prozac/Fluoxetine? I've got low energy levels and difficulty concentrating (on school work), and I'd like to know if anyone else experienced something similar.
 
I wish I had people in my life I could go to for help, but no one seems able to help me anymore.

I'm just really lonely...Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy.
 
Anyone here have any experience with Prozac/Fluoxetine? I've got low energy levels and difficulty concentrating (on school work), and I'd like to know if anyone else experienced something similar.

Yup, I take it. Those are possible side-effects, yeah although it's hard for me to say if I share them with you because my illness causes a great deal of fatigue. What's your dose?
 
I got a B- for C programming class, so I got a decent grade on one homework he didn't grade. Also, he drops the lowest grade. The percentage was 64.81%, so I thought I got a D as a class grade. But when I looked at my schedule details, I got B-. That surprised the hell out of me since I don't know how I got that grade. I just hope it's legitimate grade.
 
Yup, I take it. Those are possible side-effects, yeah although it's hard for me to say if I share them with you because my illness causes a great deal of fatigue. What's your dose?

I'm on 40mg/day (two 20mg pills). I haven't been taking my anxiety/sleeping meds since my anxiety hasn't acted up since early May, so it's definitely not anything else causing it. I take a multivitamin, too. (Yeah, yeah, expensive urine and all that.)
 
I'm just venting, so I don't expect any reply, but I really need to get it off my mind and this is the only place I can do it in relative anonymity while still easing the burden the revelation poses.

From an early age, I had suspicions that my parents investigated any activity I did, from speaking to teachers regularly about what I said and/or did in class, to the parents of friends who they had investigated to find out precisely what I said, to relatives who I spoke to so they could glean every bit of insight into what I was doing to later manipulate, to any other miscellaneous individual who I came into contact with. In adition, they had a rather corrosive affect on anything I enjoyed, be it swimming (where my father always demanded on accompanying me, where he always ended up shouting at me and/or telling me I was shit at it) to a friend I brought home (who they interrogated, and then integrated themselves in all activites which made the person who had been my friend dislike me due to their obsessive behaviour destroying the day). To remedy this, I resolved never to mingle that which I liked, be it friends or hobbies, with them, in order to avoid their corrosive affect on all that made me feel decent about myself, by refusing to speak to relatives to any extent, refusing to bring home friends while they were present, and refusing to partake in any activities I enjoyed until thy were gone. This is, of course, overlooking their manipulative, dehumanising, insulting, belittling, narcissistic, spiteful, and obsessive nature, and my father's alcoholism and penchant for outbursts of screaming.

There was quite a large length of time where I strongly believed there were cameras scattered amongst my house so that they could observe my behaviour while I was away, and manipulate me more successfully when they returned. This was, clearly, insane, and paranoid. I knew full well that it was, but even so in the moments that I believed this I was gripped with a sense of certainty as it conflicted with my rational acknowledgement that it was crazy. I had thought, perhaps, that maybe they didn't contact relatives to find out what I was doing, perhaps they didn't contact friends' parents in the past, that they didn't contact teachers or the school facilty, perhaps that was crazy too? Never the less I never reigned myself in, I wasn't so doubtful that they were indeed that controlling so as to break my personal vow of silence and detachment and to preserve what little privacy, and happiness I had.

A few weeks ago, I discovered that they indeed searched my room regularly and most of that happiness diminished, particularly as the circumstances surrounding that carried grave consequences for my future and deeply impacted the stability of my living situation, but while things had remained rather static in a practical sense since then, I had slightly come to terms with the situation. And then today, while with my aunt, she stated bluntly that my mother had always contacted her as soon as I left so that my mother would try and loosen crumbs of information from her by joking about how she'd be contacted when I left and my mother would interrogate her as she (my aunt; one of three people I trust that aren't friends, my others being my grandmother and former child-minder, neither of who I trust not to reveal everything to my parents) remained tight-lipped. All of a sudden I feel like every potential piece of supposed paranoia I'd had regarding them has vanished. Every single feeling of loathing, scathing hatred of them which I'd had suppressed since the revelation of them searching my items obsessively has surfaced once more. Every possibility I once considered delusional has now been rendered as a distinctly realistic possibility. I had thought that escaping their grasp was a possibility as I leave for college and cease all communication, but that miniscule hope has been squashed; given how obsessive they are, given how distrustful and manipulative I can now plainly see, with confirmation to all but the most insane belief, that they are, it's clear that they'll never retract their tendrils. I don't, as already stated, expect a reply, there's not really any escape from the situation at the moment, The only thing I really have is a fierce hatred of them which I really must get out of my head as quickly as possible, hence this post, as it really is a bad idea to let it fester.

have you ever confronted them about this?
 
I was on 40mg a day of Celexa for a while. Gradually got it down over time and seem to have hit a sweet spot with 10mg a day. It's necessary to keep my thoughts from racing but I don't need it to reduce the anxiety anymore.
 
I got a B- for C programming class, so I got a decent grade on one homework he didn't grade. Also, he drops the lowest grade. The percentage was 64.81%, so I thought I got a D as a class grade. But when I looked at my schedule details, I got B-. That surprised the hell out of me since I don't know how I got that grade. I just hope it's legitimate grade.
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You never want to be manic. It is horrible. The fbi is watching you due to your computer science knowledge. You can't sleep ask random girls to have sex think you are going to be a billionaire. This only goes away with anti-psychotic and ect. I got ect and am waiting for the effects. When I get better I will go back into society. It wasn't like I was a weird kid before. Mania makes you go crazy. Never read about web analytics. It is going into the dark side of the web.
 
Anyone here have any experience with Prozac/Fluoxetine? I've got low energy levels and difficulty concentrating (on school work), and I'd like to know if anyone else experienced something similar.

Yeah, I have experience with Fluoxetine. I quickly gave it up because I felt it was not effective. It was stupid because I barely gave it a chance. Yeah, it affected my energy levels detrimentally though. Talk to your doctor if you are having issues don't be dumb like me and quit cold turkey.

I see a lot of people having a really hard time lately and I can definitely relate. I lost one of my dogs recently and it was devastating. Had a good job opportunity and squandered it. I feel incredibly lonely lately. I hope things start to get better for all of us. I haven't really contributed lately to the thread and I apologize for that. I wish you all the best of luck.
 
When I was younger I always thought that depression is a self inflicted condition but having gone through depression for nearly one and a half years and now currently recovering I realise how real it is.
Take heart anyone hurting
 
First session with the new psychiatrist went pretty well yesterday. He told me that what I'm going through is manageable for a lot of people, even if it is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. He said he knows things are getting worse year over year for me, but that things will eventually plateau about it and I should avoid thinking about things getting worse as much as possible, because focusing on it will make things even worse. He also talked about the nature of my hallucinations and delusions and talked about why those specific ones were hitting me.

He also filled out my work accommodation form, and now I have an extra 20 days off per year. Which gives me a total of a month off from work per year, plus my regular 4 weeks of vacation. I guess there is a good side,
 
First session with the new psychiatrist went pretty well yesterday. He told me that what I'm going through is manageable for a lot of people, even if it is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. He said he knows things are getting worse year over year for me, but that things will eventually plateau about it and I should avoid thinking about things getting worse as much as possible, because focusing on it will make things even worse. He also talked about the nature of my hallucinations and delusions and talked about why those specific ones were hitting me.

He also filled out my work accommodation form, and now I have an extra 20 days off per year. Which gives me a total of a month off from work per year, plus my regular 4 weeks of vacation. I guess there is a good side,

Reading your posts you have been through some crazy shit man. I really hope you pull through brother. Don't give up hope.
 
I've never gone from so happy to so low as fast as I have this week. That job offer I mentioned earlier officially came through on Monday, but the salary was quite a bit lower than I'd hoped for. And so I've been crying almost constantly because I'm having to fight between a) taking the huge leap in moving to a place that I can barely afford (if I can afford it all now) or b) giving up not only a "dream" job, but also the only job opportunity I've had in a year of unemployment. I'm so afraid, and terrified, and uncertain of my future. In fact, I'm crying as I write this, because I am just so unable to control my emotions at the moment.

Nothing like being four months away from 30, and feeling like you're just a child still.
 
Been reading through here and wanted to respond in more detail but something Prax said got me to thinking, and my sleep deprived brain got stuck on it. It's just an observation and I guess it's about comparing + compartmentalizing ourselves, and about how the world isn't black and white. (it's probably all kinds of wonderful messed up grey). So in that, spirit, i guess, here are are a few people you might know:


  • That odd guy on the street corner with negligible hygiene hawking goods out of a trench coat? Kindest, warmest person you’ll meet. Great at chess. Recovered alcoholic. Straight A student in their day. Very specific about what kind of bluegrass music they like.
  • Person in flashy designer suit? Beacon of confidence. Sweet car, stunning partner. Inner demons so consuming that they cry themselves to sleep every night but for some reason can't seem to shed any actual tears. Great with kids and loves animals. Really good at Dark Souls.
  • Involuntary hospital patient? On all of the meds. Has 80 percent of diagnoses found in the DSM-V. Throws chairs to communicate. Sees polychrome monkeys descending from the clouds on the regular. Has the most joyous laugh, and loving partner.
  • Staff member at the same hospital? More issues combined than all 87 patients. Terrible childhood. Crochet champion. Novice thespian. At home, throws chairs to communicate.
  • Jackass next door? Jackass. 'Cos reasons. Bad listener. (loves kittens).
  • Celeb-person on the news site? Seems to really have it all together. Paralyzing fear of flying snakes. Plays PC strategy games on easy setting. Wants to be someone else.

I think this is a very true observation you have made there, and if I can add to that; I think it's a cultural lie that we have been bombarded with that there is anything such as a balanced or have-it-all-life. When we get exposed to an episode of Friends, you get this fake version of reality were the characters problems are fixed in 20 minutes or less including commercial breaks.
As I've grown older I have begone to see dysfunctional, imbalanced or "swayed" individuals as more normal. In fact, some of the people I am most inspired by now are people who in many ways are broken, but their brokenness, their disturbia, their mania and demons allow for some other good things.
It's like people put their talent points in different tree, and they managed to specialize in some weird skills, but are lacking in others.


There is a comedian I am enthralled by, called Doug Stanhope. The guy is a comedic genius, but it's almost not comedy. It's an alcoholic's asexual rants. He is completely broken, misunderstood and will never be appreciated by the masses, but he is a legend among comics for his relentless style.
I'm amazed that I can be so inspired by such a broken person. He makes me think that if you can live like that. Being so dysfunctional, yet still have some sort of echo and purpose in your life, it's so much more enthralling than living a "peaceful 9-to-5 job". I'm not saying he is more happy or fulfilled. You can easily be an ultra talent while at the same time hating life itself.
But as an outsider looking in at that, I think at least it makes for a more interesting person.
 
I've never gone from so happy to so low as fast as I have this week. That job offer I mentioned earlier officially came through on Monday, but the salary was quite a bit lower than I'd hoped for. And so I've been crying almost constantly because I'm having to fight between a) taking the huge leap in moving to a place that I can barely afford (if I can afford it all now) or b) giving up not only a "dream" job, but also the only job opportunity I've had in a year of unemployment. I'm so afraid, and terrified, and uncertain of my future. In fact, I'm crying as I write this, because I am just so unable to control my emotions at the moment.

Nothing like being four months away from 30, and feeling like you're just a child still.

How stretched is your budget?
 
How stretched is your budget?

Given ideal circumstances? I'll be $50 in the black every month.

Unless I can find a great roommate before I move out there, in which case I can save on rent and live a little better. That's probably not going to happen until at least a month or two after I move.
 
I've never gone from so happy to so low as fast as I have this week. That job offer I mentioned earlier officially came through on Monday, but the salary was quite a bit lower than I'd hoped for. And so I've been crying almost constantly because I'm having to fight between a) taking the huge leap in moving to a place that I can barely afford (if I can afford it all now) or b) giving up not only a "dream" job, but also the only job opportunity I've had in a year of unemployment. I'm so afraid, and terrified, and uncertain of my future. In fact, I'm crying as I write this, because I am just so unable to control my emotions at the moment.

Nothing like being four months away from 30, and feeling like you're just a child still.

Well, I think feelings are feelings. It's really outside of your control what you feel. At least in the present moment.
So I wouldn't beat myself up over being afraid and terrified. You have every reasons to feel fear.

I could give you encouragement and nice sound statistics about it's only 12% of our fears that turns out to be true on average, but the only thing I can really tell you that our fears can be handled in two ways. We can use it as a tool or we can let it hinder us.

The truth is, that you could not take the job and your life would still go down the drain in debt. Scanning for all the worst outcomes is not really that interesting, because we all know what is worse than everything you fear.

It's when you are lying on your death bed and you're wondering what it would have been had you taken that job, and just said "fuck it":



When I am afraid I try to react on it, and I try to feel why I am afraid. This has helped me a lot. Almost always, even when I fail or I get pain out of what I was afraid of, I was still happier that I did it. That really says something.


Half of life is fucking up, the rest is trying to fix it. What you have to decide if you want to be brave or if you do not want to be brave. Being brave is to act on what you are afraid of. It doesn't matter if this is a guy who is afraid of going in an elevator or if it's a guy moving to a different place risking what he has on this one job.
That's just being brave. And right now you got a choice. Run towards it or run away from it to avoid the potential offset of pain.



But know this: In hindsight many of the best things that ever happened in your life, as well as everyone elses was partially because of failures. Mistakes you made. This is sometimes called blessings in disguise.


I think you will do the right thing even if it's scary. Even if you are worried all the time. I think you can be scared to the point you feel like puking and still be true to yourself. It's like when you go up to a ultra beautiful woman to ask her out. And you are so afraid because she is so drop dead gorgeous. But you do it anyway, get it off your chest. And then you get rejected, but for some reason even though this was your fear it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. Somehow, the ecstacy of getting it off your chest, of releasing all that "mind pain", all that "forced thought" made you relax and not care as much.
 
I've never gone from so happy to so low as fast as I have this week. That job offer I mentioned earlier officially came through on Monday, but the salary was quite a bit lower than I'd hoped for. And so I've been crying almost constantly because I'm having to fight between a) taking the huge leap in moving to a place that I can barely afford (if I can afford it all now) or b) giving up not only a "dream" job, but also the only job opportunity I've had in a year of unemployment. I'm so afraid, and terrified, and uncertain of my future. In fact, I'm crying as I write this, because I am just so unable to control my emotions at the moment.

Nothing like being four months away from 30, and feeling like you're just a child still.

Take heart my friend. Perhaps in time you can work up to a position that pays enough to live comfortably? Take the chance it may be rewarding. You will struggle but in time things may work out? Don't cry. Hold your head up high and kick ass at that job. I believe in you. I turned 29 on May 25 and as you say I still feel like a child but it's never to late to change. It's never too late to grow as a person.
 
Given ideal circumstances? I'll be $50 in the black every month.

Unless I can find a great roommate before I move out there, in which case I can save on rent and live a little better. That's probably not going to happen until at least a month or two after I move.

Is it possible to downsize temporarily? Or are you already looking at a super cheap rental deal? Building up savings is very important in my book. It's your backup plan.
 
Is it possible to downsize temporarily? Or are you already looking at a super cheap rental deal? Building up savings is very important in my book. It's your backup plan.

Well the problem is that if I choose a cheaper place (and I mean <$1,200/mo) it includes a commute that's 2-3 times as long, and therefore more money spent on gas. If I get an apartment that's ~$1,450 and closer to work, it ends up making everything sort of even out budget-wise. I'm just going to have to live really, really tight. Pretty much means very little social life, ramen/cereal/chicken/rice for food, and no furniture other than the little bit I'll be bringing with me.
 
Could you take a bus? I know it seems counterintuitive since you've got a car, but $200 seems like a lot for gas. Of course this is if you move farther out.

Even if you don't, realise that you have that option open to you. So if things are just too tight, you could downsize even more. :P

Heck, I'd personally rather be close to work. Far too much time in life is wasted on commuting. :P
 
New member here just checking in to say hi, I feel like ill be spending quite some time here. Ive been having severe anxiety as of late i even went to the ER last week with splitting chest pains and extreme difficulty breathing(among other things) convinced i was gonna die only for them to tell me im fine. How embarrassing
 
New member here just checking in to say hi, I feel like ill be spending quite some time here. Ive been having severe anxiety as of late i even went to the ER last week with splitting chest pains and extreme difficulty breathing(among other things) convinced i was gonna die only for them to tell me im fine. How embarrassing

Nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Don't sweat it. It's okay. If you feel you need to go to the hospital then go. You had severe chest pains and trouble breathing sounds serious to me. Welcome.
 
Okay, GAF here's my dilemma. It might sound a bit silly, but I assure you it's something I really need help with. The last year or so, I find myself with racing thoughts. Most of the time it's just me pondering random things. I have a daytime job as janitor at a grocery store which involves keeping the store clean, but also greeting and helping customers. Yeah, it doesn't sound great, but it's got its perks. Only downside is it gets boring and my brain tries to pick up the slack by wondering, imagining various things. Most of the time, it's pretty harmless and nerdy. But, about a year ago I found myself imagining more fatal grim What If scenarios, things that would lead to broken bones and other terrible injuries. At first it was just a matter of my brain automatically painting the picture of a really bad accident. The image would stick with me like a bad song stuck in my head but nothing major.

But recently they've gotten worse, the images of these accidental what if scenarios stuck with me more and more. It got to a point where I started questioning my sanity. It might sound silly, but it felt like part of my mind was trolling me like to say "You're thinking this, clearly this is a sign that you're pondering doing this. Just what if you lost control" and I see an image of that happening.

I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac, so more and more, I'm getting quite fearful that I'll deteriorate mentally and do terrible things. Yeah, I know, it's silly, but my thoughts just start racing between "Nah, that's stupid, of course I'd never do that.", "but what if WHAT IF WHAT IF!?!?", "ooh I'm the voice in your head telling you to do things bwhaha"

Recently my sister and I were channel surfing and we're watching 20/20 and they had a feature on teens with some really off the wall OCD. I told my sister I felt a little uncomfortable and I shared with her my fear of mental deterioration and that I'd somehow be like those kids. Somehow, it got really bad this week. One of my accidental visuals at work recently has been stepping on my cat, specifically the skull. Even at work I'd start to feel like every step I took I was narrowly missing crushing something, the visual What If still in my head. I broke down in tears at home, my sister gave me the idea that I should keep a photo of my cat on my phone as the wallpaper, and that's helped somewhat. This week on my days off I find myself feeling more anxious than ever, specifically about stepping on my cat. I got some mind health vitamins with Rhodiola and other stuff at my local nutrition store and I find with that and a combination of something like video games to distract my brain I can ward off some of the anxiety, but I could really use some advice and support.
 
If anyone is feeling charitable, I could really use someone to talk to about things.

Sure man, PM me. Now mind you I won't reply for a good 20 or so hours as I need to get some sleep and go to work but sometimes just venting helps and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
 
New member here just checking in to say hi, I feel like ill be spending quite some time here. Ive been having severe anxiety as of late i even went to the ER last week with splitting chest pains and extreme difficulty breathing(among other things) convinced i was gonna die only for them to tell me im fine. How embarrassing

Its better to be embarrassed than dead :p

Seriously its nothing to be embarrassed about.
 
New member here just checking in to say hi, I feel like ill be spending quite some time here. Ive been having severe anxiety as of late i even went to the ER last week with splitting chest pains and extreme difficulty breathing(among other things) convinced i was gonna die only for them to tell me im fine. How embarrassing

Had the exact same thing a while back, one day I got myself into a panic state because I could feel a pain in my chest and felt like I was going to pass out. In my head I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack which have been long-standing fears of mine even at a young age. Had to call my mum in from work just so that I could go the doctor. I was absolutely fine. Took me a few days to properly realise that it was my mental state and not my physical one that was making me feel like that. Once I began to accept that the doctor acknowledged I was physically okay, I felt safe again.


In other news I've been really good lately, been really positive, but my friends are dragging me down and even though I'm trying to be strong and be there for them I feel so tired and weak and frustrated. I still don't have the kinds of relationships I want and it sucks.

Just felt like I was progressing and feeling more comfortable but these past few days have been quite tough for me and I can feel my head becoming more stricken with worry which is deeply uncomfortable.
 
I've responded to you a couple times about Remicade and you haven't responded. I have been in your position before.

I have been on Remicade for 13 years. Without Remicade, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be alive today and at the very least, would not be able to function without it.

It's incredibly easier to focus on your mental health when you don't need to think of your other illnesses. I remember I have Crohn's diseaseonly when I have an infusion. That's it. For 2-3 hours every 1.5 months, I remember I have Crohns. Remicade has allowed me to function as a human being.

You live in Ontario (I'm assuming based on Trillium), you are about to rock it. Remicade has changed my life. You are going to notice a difference.

I might physically feel healthier after Remicade but I have been dealing with depression and extreme loneliness long before I was diagnosed with UC. I should have gotten professional help at early stages of my depression. It is too late now.
 
Hey all, I've been lurking on and off for a long time in this thread, but I'm about 99% sure I've never posted here.

Basically I've had some pretty severe anxiety(especially when it comes to social interactions) and depression since I was a child, though I was never diagnosed and treated until everything got too difficult to control in public when I was 29 or 30. For the most part, I control it much better than I used to after getting put on medication, though I had to up my dosage recently.

Anyway, the last few days have been extremely up and down. Something was brought up at work that affected my personal life very strongly when I was a teen that brought up lots of very tough feelings. It was really fucking crazy. Basically, my boss and I were working on a project at work, while a dude from another department was nearby working on his project. Anyway, we start talking, highschool comes up somehow, and it turns out we were all in the same class at the same school! We even knew some of the same people from other highschools, and a couple names really brought up some terrible memories for me. I kept it all inside as we had our little bonding session, but inside I was just screaming and wanted to be anywhere else. Some things had happened back then that bring up emotional flashbacks making me feel like I was 14 again rather than 34. I guess my past therapy and the medication I'm on helped, otherwise I'd have been completely worthless at work, but it's been pretty rough. Barely holding it together. Just felt the need to share, and talking to people I know in person would probably make things worse.

Oh, I didn't explain the "up" part of my opening. The dude from the other dept. I met is pretty cool and competent, and ditto for a woman in same his dept who also by. So the good part of the week is that I made a couple new work friends :-P
 
Thanks for the kind replies. I had no idea anxiety can cause all kinds of physical reactions in that manner. Im on lorezepam now along with doing some breathing exercises and telling myself ill be ok I seem to be doing better. I need to find ways to occupy myself so my mind doesnt start going berserk
 
I called target today to check my status of my application. They turned it down because they wanted my availability to be everyday. I should've said that I'm available everyday since I'm in my summer break from college. But for some odd reason, I didn't say anything and just accept the fact that I was turned down. After that, I went back wasting my time on the internet doing the same routine. I'm never going to get a job, even if they're hiring. I'm getting scummier as I move forward. I hate what I've become.
 
Well I accepted the job. Took a step back, and decided to take things one at a time. Now that I know I'll be working in a month, I can focus on finding my new home. Once I do that, I'll figure out what needs to be cut out from my budget to make up for the variance in rent. Just gotta take things one day at a time, and try not to get too stressed out.
 
I wish I was someone not me. Someone actually capable of brightening someone's day, or doing something useful. I honestly just want to crawl into a hole and bury myself in it, and I don't know why. I'm sick of not knowing why.

Yeah, I have experience with Fluoxetine. I quickly gave it up because I felt it was not effective. It was stupid because I barely gave it a chance. Yeah, it affected my energy levels detrimentally though. Talk to your doctor if you are having issues don't be dumb like me and quit cold turkey.

Thanks, I see my psychiatrist next Friday (the 13th), so I'll be sure to ask him if there's perhaps another drug I can use in addition to this for some stimulation/energy, because this is getting ridiculous. I could literally sleep all day now.
 
I called target today to check my status of my application. They turned it down because they wanted my availability to be everyday. I should've said that I'm available everyday since I'm in my summer break from college. But for some odd reason, I didn't say anything and just accept the fact that I was turned down. After that, I went back wasting my time on the internet doing the same routine. I'm never going to get a job, even if they're hiring. I'm getting scummier as I move forward. I hate what I've become.

Are there any other department stores around? Maybe try something else. I remember I used to work at Burlington coat factory for 4 years and didn't know jack shit about clothes :lol

Well I accepted the job. Took a step back, and decided to take things one at a time. Now that I know I'll be working in a month, I can focus on finding my new home. Once I do that, I'll figure out what needs to be cut out from my budget to make up for the variance in rent. Just gotta take things one day at a time, and try not to get too stressed out.

That's the spirit! Hopefully things will fall into place. It'll be tough but stay focused and keep a budget spreadsheet. Good luck man.
 
Are there any other department stores around? Maybe try something else. I remember I used to work at Burlington coat factory for 4 years and didn't know jack shit about clothes :lol

There's Macy's, but I'm never working there again. I'll try Burlington Coat Factory. Is there an online application for that place?
 
There's Macy's, but I'm never working there again. I'll try Burlington Coat Factory. Is there an online application for that place?

I'd suggest using Google Maps to find out what stores are in your area (as well as comparable places), then plot out a series of them to visit and ask for job applications. Then repeat the following day with completed applications. Might save you some time and energy if, for instance, the local store's not hiring for some reason.
 
I'd suggest using Google Maps to find out what stores are in your area (as well as comparable places), then plot out a series of them to visit and ask for job applications. Then repeat the following day with completed applications. Might save you some time and energy if, for instance, the local store's not hiring for some reason.

There's KFC, Trader Joes, Burlington Coat Factory, Safeway, Walgreens, and others are close enough for me to get an application. But Safeway's online application is annoying though, wish there was a physical copy of it.
 
Realize there is nothing to regret. Just like a mentally disabled person won't become president, some people won't become happy, or have friends. When you accept that fact, regret doesn't even enter into it. You can then embrace the pure rage!

See our problem is we really don't know how to stop. We got something started and we see if it's going a wrong direction and I think the difficulty is to borrow an old Chinese saying "That when the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way". In other words there is something wrong with the way we think, and while that is there everything we do will be a mess.

Now what is it that's wrong? Now as far as I can see the basic mistake is, we've invented this wonderful system of language and calculation and that it is at once too simple to deal with the complexity of the world, and also we are liable to confuse that system of symbols with the world itself. Just as we confuse money with wealth. So in the same way we confuse happiness with status, and we confuse ourselves as living organisms which are one with this whole universe with something we call our personality.

Now what is our personality? Our personality is what we call our image, our image of ourselves and also our thought about ourselves, our idea of ourselves. This is the person. In other words what people meet and understand and I understand as Dave Stocksdale is a big act, which is not really me. Because in the image of Dave Stocksdale there are not all my unconscious processes both psychological and physical, the construction of my brain is not contained within the concept Dave Stocksdale, and the concept Dave Stocksdale does not contain the inseparable relationships which I have with all the rest of the universe. Therefor that concept is a fraud.

And when it's mistaken for the real me there's a confusion, because, if somebody say's to me "Dave, do something about it!", the concept Dave Stocksdale can't do anything. Because it's only a concept you can't make it lift a weight. Just as three as a concept, the number, you can't just make plain three do anything. So also you can't wrap up parcels with the equator, it's a useful imaginary line but it can't do anything.
But we all feel that this concept of ourselves which we call our personality or our ego, can do something. Because we think it really exists, and I'll tell you why we think it exists. What happens if I were to say to you "Now look hard at the television screen, really look at it!", what do you do as distinct from just watching it in the ordinary way? Notice, you tighten muscles all around your eye's and face, perhaps you frown a little. Now what does that have to do with seeing anything clearly? Has absolutely nothing to do with it. Same thing when you "listen carefully, catch everything that's said", that has nothing to do with hearing clearly. Now from the moment we were little children and teachers in class screamed at us "Pay Attention!" we go tight in various ways. Either to see or hear more clearly, concentrate or will something that's supposed to be difficult to do. And that constitutes a habitual tension over the whole body that's there almost all the time, and that feeling of unnecessary tension is as it were the material sensation to which we fashion this concept of "I", we hang it onto that feeling. The concept is not us, the feeling of tension is completely phony. It has nothing to do with success in seeing, hearing or acting. So we get the marriage of a illusion with a falsehood, and that we call ourselves. No wonder we feel cut off from everything, alienated, frightened of life and death.

So what has to happen is, we have to come back to a sane view of our own life which is the way we really are, an organism functioning in terms of the whole environment with the whole environment instead of this funny little separate personality. But how are we going to do that? People say "you can't change human nature overnight, you're asking us to give up the ego and that's the most difficult of all things to do"...actually it isn't. Because the ego doesn't exist. But of course if you try to give up your ego with your ego, then it will take you until the end of time.

Because this is the point, you can't transform yourself. You can't make yourself sane, you can't make yourself loving, you can't make yourself unselfish, and yet it's absolutely necessary that we be that way. If we are going to hand over the direction of nature to nature, which is what it comes to, it's absolutely necessary that we let go of ourselves and it can't be done. Not by anything we call doing it, willing it, acting or even just excepting things, it can't be done. Why? Because you don't really exist as that kind of separate ego or personality, it's just an idea based on a phony feeling.

So when it comes down to it, it's shocking news for us, the human race, for our pride. You're only making a mess by trying to put things straight, you're trying to straighten out a wiggly world and no wonder you're in trouble. So you can't do anything, so you can't transform yourself, then what can you do... What happens then if you actually realize you've come to a dead end, and the human race has come to a dead end in my opinion. What then, commit suicide? Or is there something else. What happens when you just wait there's nothing you can do, you watch, and all you see is what goes on that is happening of itself. You're breathing, the wind is blowing, the trees are waving, your blood is circulating, your nerves are tingling, it's all going on of itself. But you know that's you, that's the real you, the you that goes on of itself.
It's not the symbol, it's not the person, it's you that's happening. As when you breath, yes you can get the feeling that "I am breathing" by shoving your breath, but your breath goes on day in and day out without you doing anything about it or even thinking of it. The same way your brain is functioning without your forcing it.

So when you come to a dead end, and we are individually and socially at a dead end now in 2014 at a dead end, this is the moment of which it is said "Man's extremity is God's opportunity". Because we have to stop, and when we stop we find a world that is happening rather than being done, being shoved, and that happening as distinct from doing is our fundamental self. And our fundamental self is not something just inside the skin, it's everything around us with which we connect. When you look out of your eye's at nature happening, you're looking at you. I'm not going to say what we should do from then on, but simply before we think of doing anything in any critical situation, we realize the completely illusory nature of the beings that we think we are and get back again to the beings that we really are which includes all of nature. The "outside world", no longer left outside.
 
I didn't make an animation this week - we were preparing for our trip to see our parents (we just arrived after our 12 hour drive!). I like to have something to share here every week, so here is a quote from Agent Cooper about how hard it can be to care:

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I want to do more than stop by to post a weekly art piece in the thread. I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing more about mental health issues and responding more. I'll be writing for a mental health advice blog as well, and I'm hoping the questions I get there will give me ideas to post here and vice versa.

In fun news, we had a big E3 live chat in IRC last year and it was an absolute riot. It will happen again this year! Please join us! This is a great low - key way to get to know people in IRC.
 
Im super tired, often. If not, im simply tired.
I sleep like 4 hours a day (except weekend, there like 10-14)
I have to set my clock the morning at 05:00, but i have to get up at around 7 or so. Depending on the mood i sometimes go at 9 to work.
I cant get up within 1h so thats why i set it tjat early. It rings every 10 mins to keep me awake.
This has been going on for year.
Especiallly hard at work, but i still manage to do my things properly. i often go to the shitting room to get a rest for like a half hour or so.
If i try to sleep longer i end up being even more tired. I dont have any other peoblems than that tho, except that im super lazy and actually very proud of that lol

Any ideas how make me feel like sportacus
 
Any ideas how make me feel like sportacus

Maybe you should look into sleep hygiene? Go to bed at set times, don't sleep during the day, no screens in the bedroom, take a walk before going to bed, pick up sports, place your alarm away from your bed so you have to go out to turn it off (I always fall for the snooze as well!). That sort of things. I'm sure you can find a lot about it on the web. If all of that doesn't work you could go to a docter and see if they can help you. Getting good sleep is pretty important!
 
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