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[Cth]

Is there anyone to talk to here that could listen? I don't want to message anyone and not have them available or not see it. I'm gonna see a psych soon, but I can't at the moment due to work training and school, plus figuring out some insurance stuff. being able to talk/vent and listen to some opinions might help me a bit, at least I hope.

I know it may not help much, but based on your previous post, I've been going through similar issues, except also with the added pressure of a separation. So I can sympathize.

One thing that did help me, was as you said, to vent.. I've previously suggested a website called http://www.blahtherapy.com which helped me. There are a lot of people that will listen to you vent, and if you want offer suggestions. Likewise, for some, listening to others problems can be therapeutic as well.

If you're still having trouble finding someone to listen, drop me a line tomorrow.. I've been up all night trying to make things work on the separation (lots of positive stuff tonight) and I'm about to pass out at the keyboard at present.

Hope you find some relief soon!

 

[bigmakattack]

I know it may not help much, but based on your previous post, I've been going through similar issues, except also with the added pressure of a separation. So I can sympathize.

One thing that did help me, was as you said, to vent.. I've previously suggested a website called http://www.blahtherapy.com which helped me. There are a lot of people that will listen to you vent, and if you want offer suggestions. Likewise, for some, listening to others problems can be therapeutic as well.

If you're still having trouble finding someone to listen, drop me a line tomorrow.. I've been up all night trying to make things work on the separation (lots of positive stuff tonight) and I'm about to pass out at the keyboard at present.

Hope you find some relief soon!

Thanks, a site that might be good knowing I won't be taking time away from someone. I've thought a lot the last few days on what I should do in this situation, and some additional feedback would be awesome. Im about to pass out myself. Thanks for the offer, I'll consider it as a possibility.

 

[White Man]

An update on my situation: I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist once a week each. That's supposed to go on for another month or so, and then things should loosen up. I'm supposed to start seeing a social therapist to learn how to deal with my situation and take better care of myself and my environments and how to deal with people. My meds have remained mostly the same. I've been back in the hospital twice. I drink a lot.

 

[Polydeuces]

So im working on my c program and it gives me errors everywhere. I fix the problem, and then another error appears. Been at it for at least 2 days. One of my colleagues then explains their solution and it sounded easier than I expected. So ******* frustrated right now.

 

[Smiley90]

I'm on max dose Effexor right now and while it's limited the physical aspect of my anxiety, it's done jack shit for the mental aspect/depression. Doc referred me to a psychiatrist to figure out what "cocktail" I should try given how well my IBS can handle the effexor.

 

[Cheese Sandwich]

I just tried going on BlahTherapy as a venter and met someone. She told me if something was going on in my mind and I backed up right after because I couldn't think of anything to vent about, even if I had a rollercoaster of emotions going on with me that was too hard to decode. I just don't like talking with people I don't know about.

I doubt anyone'll listen to me anyways but whatever.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I'm mad right now for the fact that I've wasted today and previous days doing nothing. Internet is so boring. I always hop on gaf, twitch, or other sites. I'm not proud of myself for staying at home all day. I'm not kidding, I get this feeling of regret for doing nothing. Having this feeling makes me wish to contact stores that I applied for to know my status of my application. However, tomorrow is the new day and I won't get this feeling anymore. In other words, I won't contact them to know my status or to show that I'm interested in wanting to work.

 

[FillerB]

I just tried going on BlahTherapy as a venter and met someone. She told me if something was going on in my mind and I backed up right after because I couldn't think of anything to vent about, even if I had a rollercoaster of emotions going on with me that was too hard to decode. I just don't like talking with people I don't know about.

I doubt anyone'll listen to me anyways but whatever.

I will always listen.

Though whether I have any good advice is a totally different matter.

 

[Mendoza]

Looking for advice.

It seems like my roommate is going through some serious manic-depression. It's getting pretty bad, and within the last 3 weeks, the whole apartment (his girlfriend, his brother, and myself) have noticed a serious problem in his mental state that wasn't present a month ago.
Some symptoms include:
-Talking constantly about nonsense and crazy theories, and are always one way conversations.
-Expresses how important he is in his work life
-Only sleeps like 3 hours a day, and sometimes will go 24-hours without sleep
-Finds normal objects in the house fascinating
-Offering apologizes to everyone he knows for "anything that I've done to you."

His girlfriend is scared, and his brother and I are just baffled. We don't know what to do, and it's getting to the point to where it's a serious problem. I brought it up to him that I'm worried that he's not himself, and he just either changes the subject to talk nonsense, denies that anything is wrong, and refuses to understand.

He works overnight as a valet driver, and we just got a call that he was sent home because his coworkers thought he was on LSD or some other drugs (This is how severe the nonsense is in his speech).

How do we help him? What steps do we take? Both of his parents have passed away, so we don't have anyone to turn to besides us, really.
Any help is appreciated.

 

[MikeDip]

I will always listen.

Though whether I have any good advice is a totally different matter.

Same. I'm always watching.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Didn't want to get out of bed today. Really feeling it. On edge, easily aggravated. Stayed up the other night realizing much more likely than not (as in a 99 percent change likely), I'm going to be alone the rest of my life. Serious FML mode right now.

 

[mephel]

so this is not mental health, or depression related, but i wasn't sure where else to put it

I twisted my ankle playing basketball like two weeks ago and after CT earlier this week it turned out that i broke some of the bones, so i got a cast and clexane injections for home use (to prevent trombosis)

I've hated injections all my life, but told myself, its just fucking needle, stop being a wuss.
My dad gave me the first one because i wasn't sure how to use them and it didn't hurt at all, it was just little unpleasant.

So the next day, after convincing myself for about half an hour, i took it out and managed to stab myself with needle (i still have no fucking idea how i did that)

today, i took it out and literally sat there for half an hour with injection in my hand, repeatedly telling myself to "stop being a wuss" "its just fucking needle",
i fucking couldn't do it and in the end asked one of my family members to do it

now I can't stop thinking about it, because I am realizing that this is not just about the needle, it's about tackling obstacles, making decisions and going through with them and I fucking suck at it. I am very good at tackling any problems that do not relate to me (work or family/friend related), where the end result does not affect me in any way, but anything that has to do with me is a fucking nightmare

the only time I can make a decision and go through with it without going over it and overthinking it one hundred times is when I'm drunk

I gotta figure out a way to get rid of this habit, it is limiting me and i hate it
i had to write this down so that i can stop thinking about it and see if this still makes sense tomorrow

 

[Sub_Level]

People have a hard time putting contact lenses into their eyes, much less sticking a needle into themselves. Sounds like you're being too hard on yourself and just need to get used to it. It'll become more comfortable over time. That goes for a lot of things.

 

[Lionheart1827]

so this is not mental health, or depression related, but i wasn't sure where else to put it

I twisted my ankle playing basketball like two weeks ago and after CT earlier this week it turned out that i broke some of the bones, so i got a cast and clexane injections for home use (to prevent trombosis)

I've hated injections all my life, but told myself, its just fucking needle, stop being a wuss.
My dad gave me the first one because i wasn't sure how to use them and it didn't hurt at all, it was just little unpleasant.



So the next day, after convincing myself for about half an hour, i took it out and managed to stab myself with needle (i still have no fucking idea how i did that)

today, i took it out and literally sat there for half an hour with injection in my hand, repeatedly telling myself to "stop being a wuss" "its just fucking needle",
i fucking couldn't do it and in the end asked one of my family members to do it

now I can't stop thinking about it, because I am realizing that this is not just about the needle, it's about tackling obstacles, making decisions and going through with them and I fucking suck at it. I am very good at tackling any problems that do not relate to me (work or family/friend related), where the end result does not affect me in any way, but anything that has to do with me is a fucking nightmare

the only time I can make a decision and go through with it without going over it and overthinking it one hundred times is when I'm drunk

I gotta figure out a way to get rid of this habit, it is limiting me and i hate it
i had to write this down so that i can stop thinking about it and see if this still makes sense tomorrow

Don't feel bad about the needle thing at least. Personally I have no problems with getting shots/blood taken. Fuck I had a mediport implanted in my chest under my skin that had to be stuck through with a one inch needle everytime I got my chemo infusions. However doing it myself was a different story. During chemotherapy I needed to get a daily nupogen shot in alternating arms. Had to have my dad do it for me every time.

In general I think about the end result, especially if it needs to be done.

 

[Syuurin]

Hello, Depression GAF. This would probably be equally applicable to Relationship GAF, but for whatever reason I feel more comfortable discussing this here. Either way, it'll be a long one.

TL;DR: I'm stuck in a cycle of loneliness feeding my depressive tendencies feeding loneliness, though it's not all the time because I'm one of those people who feels genuinely happy when I'm with/talking to good friends or doing something I really care about but gets pretty badly depressed when I have downtime to think.

The long story: In December I met a guy through OKCupid and it was great. Before this I was on and off like I am now, mainly because I've had constant trouble meeting people with similar interests at my school. But this guy--we clicked perfectly. It was like meeting my best friend from home all over again, but dateable (being male and all). He was going to college for video game programming. Deep into prog and metal (he's the person who got me into these genres). Long, dark hair. Sense of humour, taste in shows/movies, everything--just the absolute perfect best friend/boyfriend material. There's no real way to explain in words how right being friends with him felt (I focus on the friends part over the relationship part because it's more important to me on the whole). The problem was, he had sever depression and anxiety. Not because I have a problem with that--most of my close friends have depression and/or anxiety to some degree. I was completely fine with it. So one day, a month after meeting each other, he breaks down and decides he can't do it. It began with sobbing and me attempting to be comforting, but ended with some pretty cold words--I was "taxing," a "drain on his resources," and so on. He kicked me out and has not contacted me since. I tried calling him on a friend's phone once, a few weeks later; he sounded like he was about to cry and then hung up. So there's all that.

The problem is how well we clicked. I felt a void in my life beforehand--of my three closest friends, one at home in Texas, one from the internet (though we visit each other in person) from Florida, and one where I live now in Chicago--the Chicago one and I have absolutely nothing in common. Which isn't terrible, we're obviously still best friends. But it's not the same as having someone who will get excited to the exact same degree as me over an incredible mechanic, a sweet riff, or the geekiest of movie references. I have yet to find a single person at my university who gets anywhere near the level of friendship I felt with Z (to abbreviate his name). I'm starting to despair of it ever happening at this godforsaken place; our gaming club has been taken over by people who play smash, the music club only checks out indie hipster music, the CS department is full of math majors with no interest in gaming or non-pedantic programming...

I've tried coming back to the internet to solve this. After all, one of my best friends, who I've known for eight years now, is someone I met back when I used Gaia Online. But I'm starting to feel like no one uses forums (or Reddit...) for that now--i.e. for making lasting friendships. I'm trying to find a niche, hoping people will want to talk to me beyond just a thread, but I'm afraid it will never happen. And that's my real problem. I'm not outgoing at all. When I'm sad I sit around doing nothing, thinking about how everything is hopeless. I've tried so many different outlets to find people I connect with, but I get pessimistic after a few days (though I like the GAF community a lot and will totally stick with you guys). It's frustrating, but I lack the motivation to do much about it because being depressed about things saps your motivation.

And so the sort of void I feel grows the more I think about all of this. I'm even seeing someone currently, but it doesn't help. He plays games, but only Pokemon and some other Nintendo stuff. He appreciates music, but finds my music triggering. Great in bed, but sometimes I find his sexuality too much to handle. And he's kind and loving more than anything, but I find myself going in and out of a nagging disappointment. I don't even care that much about being in a relationship at this point. I just want a friend like Z back in my life. As a person who fundamentally needs to share my interests to be happy, I'm finding this incredibly distressing.

So that's my venting. Not sure what anyone can say about it, but it does feel nice to get it out.

 

[Gentle Rodriguez]

My psychologist convinced me to have a serious conversation with my female friend about our friendship. I've been keeping a lot of my thoughts and complaints inside, which has turned me into a frustrated and sour mess, I need to fix that. I'm not attracted to her or anything, it's just that I have doubts about whether or not she even cares about me, and it's been eating me up inside for a long long time(along with other stuff unrelated to her).

Anyway I talked about it in detail with my psychologist and we even did some role-playing(seemed silly to me at first but it was kind of eye opening), now I'm ready to have that conversation with her, I'm going to meet her wednesday. It's already really stressing me out and my hands have been shaking since I made the appointment with her, I don't know how to calm myself down.

Any thoughts/tips/anything?

 

[Dawg]

I feel like time goes slower when I'm working. Anxiety is also a lot worse because I'm not in my safe haven. It really sucks because it feels like I'm 16 hours at work (in reality, 8) and then 5PM-12PM goes by super fast. Suddenly time to sleep again and a new work day.

Like, I barely have time to realize I'm home. Barely do anything except eat and some internetz. Feel empty.

 

[Femmeworth]

I'm more or less dating someone and it's not going quite how I want it to. Had a bit of a cry in the car after today's date. I really want to make a connection.

 

[Cheese Sandwich]

I will always listen.

Though whether I have any good advice is a totally different matter.

Same. I'm always watching.

Thanks a lot. I think I have it pretty easy compared to other posters here, although I get easily depressed reading other people's problems in this thread. I don't really know what to do about it...

 

[Kraftwerk]

Well, hello everyone.

I have been seeing a doctor and I might be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Symptoms got noticeable last year around August, which made me leave work. I should have had it checked sooner, but I was in denial. I lied to everyone around me about what I was doing the whole year, when in actuality I was hiding in my house 90% of the time avoiding everything and everyone. What really pushed me over the edge was hallucinating, which I made a thread about, but then it happened again.

I am not sure how to feel right now. I had a lot planned for the next year, and I feel defeated. Nobody around me has noticed this yet. I try to hide it really well, and smile and laugh at anything to look normal. One thing that everyone around me as noticed, is how angry I have become. I was even looking through my posts here on GAF, and I used to be really nice and avoider debating and confrontation, but lately they have become really angry. I even yelled at my mother when I was her the other day and I felt like shit after.

The headaches come and go to. Its always on the right side of my hide. Sometimes every step I take causes the headache to pulse and the pain gets worse, so I have to just lie down in bed and not move until it goes away.

Fuck

EDIT : not goign to edit my post, but that is what someone also mentioned to me. My reading and writing has also been goign to shit lately. I have been misplacing words, spelling them incorrectly, and just not writing some words, but in my head I have written it down. bleh

EDIT 2 : Fuck it, might as well contrinue venting here. I apologise for being so negativel

I have also been having negative thoughts and emotions. Keep hearing shit in my head, and it is constantly blocking my own internal monologue and thoughts. I sit down to work on a project that I wanted to finish by next year, and my brain just tries its best to stop me. I try to block it off with music, and it helps, but its liek a construction drill in my room. DOesnt let me focus at all. My memory has been also turning to shit. I always had this problem, but I do tend to notice it more now.

(Literally as I am typing this, I heard someone walking outside my room...and im alone. Fuck this...)

 

[StickSoldier]

Well, hello everyone.

I have been seeing a doctor and I might be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Symptoms got noticeable last year around August, which made me leave work. I should have had it checked sooner, but I was in denial. I lied to everyone around me about what I was doing the whole year, when in actuality I was hiding in my house 90% of the time avoiding everything and everyone. What really pushed me over the edge was hallucinating, which I made a thread about, but then it happened again.

I am not sure how to feel right now. I had a lot planned for the next year, and I feel defeated. Nobody around me has noticed this yet. I try to hide it really well, and smile and laugh at anything to look normal. One thing that everyone around me as noticed, is how angry I have become. I was even looking through my posts here on GAF, and I used to be really nice and avoider debating and confrontation, but lately they have become really angry. I even yelled at my mother when I was her the other day and I felt like shit after.

The headaches come and go to. Its always on the right side of my hide. Sometimes every step I take causes the headache to pulse and the pain gets worse, so I have to just lie down in bed and not move until it goes away.

Fuck

EDIT : not goign to edit my post, but that is what someone also mentioned to me. My reading and writing has also been goign to shit lately. I have been misplacing words, spelling them incorrectly, and just not writing some words, but in my head I have written it down. bleh

EDIT 2 : Fuck it, might as well contrinue venting here. I apologise for being so negativel

I have also been having negative thoughts and emotions. Keep hearing shit in my head, and it is constantly blocking my own internal monologue and thoughts. I sit down to work on a project that I wanted to finish by next year, and my brain just tries its best to stop me. I try to block it off with music, and it helps, but its liek a construction drill in my room. DOesnt let me focus at all. My memory has been also turning to shit. I always had this problem, but I do tend to notice it more now.

(Literally as I am typing this, I heard someone walking outside my room...and im alone. Fuck this...)

I feel for you bro, I had problems like this too. I would stutter a lot, couldn't remember names, heard noises, was conflicting with my inner voice. I never talked to anyone though because I didn't want people to think I was crazy, so I tried calm myself when it got bad.

I always like listening to happy music or people talking with a calm voice. Things that are relaxing. It sounds like your stress and anxiety are catching up to you. What do you normally do to cope with your problems? I had a huge issue in April where I was blacked out at times, yelling at everyone, cursing, fighting my friends and family, fighting the cops, and all sorts of crazy shit. I was having a crisis identity where I thought I was Jesus, then a robot, or that I was just a walking corpse already dead and nothing was real. Shit was fucking terrifying. It just exploded and I scared all my friends and family away because I couldn't control my emotions.

What exactly are the main sources of your stress and anxiety? Mine were very stupid, but it was like my hair, washing hands all the time, thinking I was going to die everytime I saw a new freckle, my head being gigantic, and a bunch of other ridiculous things.

 

[Wilsongt]

So, I am feeling pretty useless, worthless, and unneeded.

Just another Thursday. I should drink myself to death.

 

[White Man]

Well, hello everyone.

I have been seeing a doctor and I might be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Symptoms got noticeable last year around August, which made me leave work. I should have had it checked sooner, but I was in denial. I lied to everyone around me about what I was doing the whole year, when in actuality I was hiding in my house 90% of the time avoiding everything and everyone. What really pushed me over the edge was hallucinating, which I made a thread about, but then it happened again.

I am not sure how to feel right now. I had a lot planned for the next year, and I feel defeated. Nobody around me has noticed this yet. I try to hide it really well, and smile and laugh at anything to look normal. One thing that everyone around me as noticed, is how angry I have become. I was even looking through my posts here on GAF, and I used to be really nice and avoider debating and confrontation, but lately they have become really angry. I even yelled at my mother when I was her the other day and I felt like shit after.

The headaches come and go to. Its always on the right side of my hide. Sometimes every step I take causes the headache to pulse and the pain gets worse, so I have to just lie down in bed and not move until it goes away.

Fuck

EDIT : not goign to edit my post, but that is what someone also mentioned to me. My reading and writing has also been goign to shit lately. I have been misplacing words, spelling them incorrectly, and just not writing some words, but in my head I have written it down. bleh

EDIT 2 : Fuck it, might as well contrinue venting here. I apologise for being so negativel

I have also been having negative thoughts and emotions. Keep hearing shit in my head, and it is constantly blocking my own internal monologue and thoughts. I sit down to work on a project that I wanted to finish by next year, and my brain just tries its best to stop me. I try to block it off with music, and it helps, but its liek a construction drill in my room. DOesnt let me focus at all. My memory has been also turning to shit. I always had this problem, but I do tend to notice it more now.

(Literally as I am typing this, I heard someone walking outside my room...and im alone. Fuck this...)

I've recently been diagnosed with schizophrenia. If you ever want to talk about it, hit me with a PM. I'm not particularly keen on talking about it in public. Unless I have a really interesting episode, like my one from the other month. I've never talked about any of the embarrassing aspects here.

edit: and I have a psychology degree, lol

 

[Kraftwerk]

So, I am feeling pretty useless, worthless, and unneeded.

Just another Thursday. I should drink myself to death.

You are among friends, fee free to talk mate.

I feel for you bro, I had problems like this too. I would stutter a lot, couldn't remember names, heard noises, was conflicting with my inner voice. I never talked to anyone though because I didn't want people to think I was crazy, so I tried calm myself when it got bad.

I always like listening to happy music or people talking with a calm voice. Things that are relaxing. It sounds like your stress and anxiety are catching up to you. What do you normally do to cope with your problems? I had a huge issue in April where I was blacked out at times, yelling at everyone, cursing, fighting my friends and family, fighting the cops, and all sorts of crazy shit. I was having a crisis identity where I thought I was Jesus, then a robot, or that I was just a walking corpse already dead and nothing was real. Shit was fucking terrifying. It just exploded and I scared all my friends and family away because I couldn't control my emotions.

What exactly are the main sources of your stress and anxiety? Mine were very stupid, but it was like my hair, washing hands all the time, thinking I was going to die everytime I saw a new freckle, my head being gigantic, and a bunch of other ridiculous things.

I normally listen to very relaxing music, or watch ASMR videos to calm myself down. As for main source of stress, honestly cannot pinpoint it yet. If I had to think about it right now, the #1 thing that is stressing me out lately, is the fear that I will not be able to fulfil my project. I wanted to open a small business next year, and a lot of the times when I sit down to do the paperwork and planning, I lose focus due to the htings I mentioned. Really fuckign sucks.

I also realized that I havent been taking care of myself in the past few months. I have put on 10-20lbs, and I used to really stress out about hygeine, but sometimes lately I just say fuck it. Some days when I get the headaches or the noises come, I just stuff myself with food, and the suger rush makes me feelbetter for a bit, but then the cycle starts. My doctor has helped me realize this, and I have started to eat like I used to. I used to run and bike a lot. These days I barely leave the house. When my friends ask what im doing, I just use the bullshit excuse that I am at home working on an important project, when I am simply withering away on my bed.

Its funny, this whoel thing. How I realize there is something wrong with me, and I know what the proper things to do are, but I just...cant do them. It really paralyzes you.

Sorry about the mispelling, have a headache and dont even have the mood to go back and correct everything.


Just thinkign about my future, this makes me worry. Had a lot of plans, hopefully it doesnt fuck everythng up for me.

I've recently been diagnosed with schizophrenia. If you ever want to talk about it, hit me with a PM. I'm not particularly keen on talking about it in public. Unless I have a really interesting episode, like my one from the other month. I've never talked about any of the embarrassing aspects here.

edit: and I have a psychology degree, lol

Will do mate, appreciate it very much.

 

[StickSoldier]

You are among friends, fee free to talk mate.




I normally listen to very relaxing music, or watch ASMR videos to calm myself down. As for main source of stress, honestly cannot pinpoint it yet. If I had to think about it right now, the #1 thing that is stressing me out lately, is the fear that I will not be able to fulfil my project. I wanted to open a small business next year, and a lot of the times when I sit down to do the paperwork and planning, I lose focus due to the htings I mentioned. Really fuckign sucks.

I also realized that I havent been taking care of myself in the past few months. I have put on 10-20lbs, and I used to really stress out about hygeine, but sometimes lately I just say fuck it. Some days when I get the headaches or the noises come, I just stuff myself with food, and the suger rush makes me feelbetter for a bit, but then the cycle starts. My doctor has helped me realize this, and I have started to eat like I used to. I used to run and bike a lot. These days I barely leave the house. When my friends ask what im doing, I just use the bullshit excuse that I am at home working on an important project, when I am simply withering away on my bed.

Its funny, this whoel thing. How I realize there is something wrong with me, and I know what the proper things to do are, but I just...cant do them. It really paralyzes you.

Sorry about the mispelling, have a headache and dont even have the mood to go back and correct everything.


Just thinkign about my future, this makes me worry. Had a lot of plans, hopefully it doesnt fuck everythng up for me.



Will do mate, appreciate it very much.

Lol, don't worry about the spelling, I can see how frustrated you are which is understandable.

The future is a very scary thing. I like to not even worry about what's going to happen with my life anymore. I mean, I don't even know what will happen in like 30 minutes. I could die from a heart attack. Why worry about it though? It makes me depressed and I end up not wanting to do anything because I'm sad. FUCK THAT!! I want to live as much as I can until I die. I'm not scared of death anymore. I just want life to be joyful while I'm living it.

I'm currently unemployed, but before I went to jail I wanted to start my own business as well, or use my degree to actually get a job, but not being able to predict my future was causing major stress in my life. I just said screw it man, I'll try as hard as I can but I just don't want to stress over it anymore. I have family and friends who love me that will take care of me until I get on my feet. I'm sure you have a lot of people who love you that are willing to help you out as well! Don't run them off because of how you feel. Remember, everyone has their own problems, it just makes it harder on them if you take it out while they're around. Plus, the more I worry about things, the harder it is for me to concentrate on what is really important in life, which to me is living a life full of happiness. Why does life have to be so stressful? I don't want to worry about money, looks, cars, toys, and whatever other crap that people normally strive to get their whole life.

I just want to be happy, and that's by making other people happy, for example, by joking, helping, laughing at myself, and loving others. It seems that things go better my way when I'm actually going out of my way to help them instead. It makes my mind get off of things because I stop to think that maybe I'm not the only one who's having these horrible thoughts that I am. So I make a concerted effort to help all I see, just by saying hello with a smile or asking if they need help with something. It might seem like a small thing, but it can help a lot more than people think. I know I can make someone feel better about themselves just by encouraging them or making them feel good about life. Why can't I be that guy to help others get out of their rut?

Now in regards to losing weight and stuff, the good thing is that if you really want to lose it, it's very much possible. You HAVE to get up and do it though. Don't feel bad for yourself. You have to convince your mind to get up and do it. Don't say "I can't do it" or "I don't feel like it." You control your body, you have to fully commit to something like losing weight. Don't half ass anything. Do it right, no matter what. Work on your self control by working out whenever you actually plan it. Study it. Understand the basics. Learn. Gain knowledge about everything you want to pursue. Learning is awesome and makes me feel happy too. Nothing is easy. You have a choice, just remember that. You decide if you get up and work out or if you sit on the couch and eat some bad food. It's up to you to make that decision. No one else controls it.

 

[Kraftwerk]

Lol, don't worry about the spelling, I can see how frustrated you are which is understandable.

The future is a very scary thing. I like to not even worry about what's going to happen with my life anymore. I mean, I don't even know what will happen in like 30 minutes. I could die from a heart attack. Why worry about it though? It makes me depressed and I end up not wanting to do anything because I'm sad. FUCK THAT!! I want to live as much as I can until I die. I'm not scared of death anymore. I just want life to be joyful while I'm living it.

I'm currently unemployed, but before I went to jail I wanted to start my own business as well, or use my degree to actually get a job, but not being able to predict my future was causing major stress in my life. I just said screw it man, I'll try as hard as I can but I just don't want to stress over it anymore. I have family and friends who love me that will take care of me until I get on my feet. I'm sure you have a lot of people who love you that are willing to help you out as well! Don't run them off because of how you feel. Remember, everyone has their own problems, it just makes it harder on them if you take it out while they're around. Plus, the more I worry about things, the harder it is for me to concentrate on what is really important in life, which to me is living a life full of happiness. Why does life have to be so stressful? I don't want to worry about money, looks, cars, toys, and whatever other crap that people normally strive to get their whole life.

I just want to be happy, and that's by making other people happy, for example, by joking, helping, laughing at myself, and loving others. It seems that things go better my way when I'm actually going out of my way to help them instead. It makes my mind get off of things because I stop to think that maybe I'm not the only one who's having these horrible thoughts that I am. So I make a concerted effort to help all I see, just by saying hello with a smile or asking if they need help with something. It might seem like a small thing, but it can help a lot more than people think. I know I can make someone feel better about themselves just by encouraging them or making them feel good about life. Why can't I be that guy to help others get out of their rut?

Now in regards to losing weight and stuff, the good thing is that if you really want to lose it, it's very much possible. You HAVE to get up and do it though. Don't feel bad for yourself. You have to convince your mind to get up and do it. Don't say "I can't do it" or "I don't feel like it." You control your body, you have to fully commit to something like losing weight. Don't half ass anything. Do it right, no matter what. Work on your self control by working out whenever you actually plan it. Study it. Understand the basics. Learn. Gain knowledge about everything you want to pursue. Learning is awesome and makes me feel happy too. Nothing is easy. You have a choice, just remember that. You decide if you get up and work out or if you sit on the couch and eat some bad food. It's up to you to make that decision. No one else controls it.

Thank you for sharing, and the advice.

Its amazing how dismissive some people can be. I was just talking to my sister on the phone about this, and sharing my feelings, and she just shrugs it off and says " so? you act like you have AIDS". I had to hang up the phone or I would have gone on a tirade. My mom is the same. She thinks I am overreacting.

Not having family support has been probably the worst part. I think I will have to distance myself form them if they keep talking like this. Its poison when they speak.

EDIT : sister just texted me saying how I need to man up, and stop acting like a girl. Fucking love it. I am done with them.

 

[StickSoldier]

Thank you for sharing, and the advice.

Its amazing how dismissive some people can be. I was just talking to my sister on the phone about this, and sharing my feelings, and she just shrugs it off and says " so? you act like you have AIDS". I had to hang up the phone or I would have gone on a tirade. My mom is the same. She thinks I am overreacting.

Not having family support has been probably the worst part. I think I will have to distance myself form them if they keep talking like this. Its poison when they speak.

Yeah, people act like you're lying or something. They don't understand what it feels like. It's best not to talk to them about your problems because they just end up pissing you off more. You need to talk to people who know the shit isn't a joke. It's fucking hell. I never told people my problems. I had bottled it up for 18 years and all I did was meditate and speak to myself. I'm the only one who knows what I feel, nobody else is in my body to tell me if I'm lying or not, or how I truly feel. But now I find it does help to talk to others that have issues like mine. I sometimes hold back and don't tell the whole truth. Flux that though, I tell people exactly how I feel now. If they think I'm lying or whatever, I don't even trip. They don't really know since they ain't in my body.

I try to look at everything in a positive way. Physical pain is just a way to toughen me up; I don't want to be soft. Umm, I guess mental pain is the same way. I learn to be able to withstand more than people who haven't experienced the mental anguish of depression and stuff. Also, when I tried to lose weight and kept failing, I was able to see that I was failing myself, no one else was failing me. It made me happy to know that if I put time and effort into everything I do, like I do when it comes to playing games and eating shitty food, then I can accomplish almost anything I want. I don't have to be a fat, lazy slob like I was. It was my decision to be like that because I was depressed about being a fat, lazy slob. So now, I'm like, well I guess if I get up and move around and work out, I'll stop being a fat, lazy slob! That helps me a lot! I already feel better thinking like that.

That's just one example of my problem that me and you seem to have. I do that with all my problems though and they seem to be dissipating. It's what works for me so I don't know if it'll help you at all, but it never hurts to try something different!

EDIT : sister just texted me saying how I need to man up, and stop acting like a girl. Fucking love it. I am done with them.

Yeah, just ignore it man. You've just got to look over it and don't even bother with her for now. This kind of attitude is from people who just don't know what the hell to say. You don't just man up and get rid of mental issues. It's not worth your troubles right now.

 

[Polydeuces]

So I got an extension for that c program assignment, which is good. But I also gotta study for my other course(statistics) to pass. I wished I had done more better in those 2 big tests (big as in 23,25 percent) so I wouldn't have to do the exam and work on my c skills. Sigh. Although I'm not that bummed out, I worked my ass off and went to ask for help so it definitely gave me a boost in self esteem. Programming with C is a pain with its strict syntax and major assumption that the programmer knows what to do. Debugging is tedious but it gets the job done.

Im also starting to question about if I really want to stay in Computer Science or in any discipline at all. I feel so discouraged when I cant get something right with a ton of effort to get it done. I still feel strange asking others for help. I guess I get paranoid and assume that the person is really busy with something and I feel bad. But after remembering a meeting with Steve Jobs that was recorded went along the lines of "Rarely do you find people that ignore your call for help." I guess that's what made me more open about life. I get that feeling of quitting but deep down inside I don't. Sometimes this "passion" hits me hard and I end up failing it making me more depressed because I wasn't being realistic enough. It feels great letting these thoughts out as someone who I classify myself as an "introvert". Hopefully I get the program done and study enough for the exam. I only need 8% to pass on a 30% final exam so hopefully it wont be too bad. Just gotta think positive...

 

[eddfromtheriver]

I'm more or less dating someone and it's not going quite how I want it to. Had a bit of a cry in the car after today's date. I really want to make a connection.

I feel you...

 

[Lord of Castamere]

Can I talk about addiction here?

 

[Cth]

I just wanted to say thanks to the thread for being there, not just for myself but others.

I really think just knowing there's a bunch of people who do genuinely care has been a partial help. Additionally, seeing others who have problems so much more infinitely difficult than my own has helped as well.

It's cliche, but talking has helped tremendously. I've even taken to writing in a journal just to get thoughts out.. to get the negativity out, to get the positive written down in concrete form.

I'm still getting a divorce I never wanted. But I know that she and I will be happier now, and that somehow for the first time in my life I've been able to make peace with the loss of a relationship and not pull away/want to erase everything ala Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We've become a WHOLE lot closer now, we're healthier and happier and strangely enough, going to be there for each other no matter what.

So, thanks.. if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, vent, whatever, feel free to drop me a msg.. I'm in a lot better place now and I'd like to help if I can.

 

[Syuurin]

Im also starting to question about if I really want to stay in Computer Science or in any discipline at all. I feel so discouraged when I cant get something right with a ton of effort to get it done. I still feel strange asking others for help. I guess I get paranoid and assume that the person is really busy with something and I feel bad. But after remembering a meeting with Steve Jobs that was recorded went along the lines of "Rarely do you find people that ignore your call for help." I guess that's what made me more open about life. I get that feeling of quitting but deep down inside I don't. Sometimes this "passion" hits me hard and I end up failing it making me more depressed because I wasn't being realistic enough. It feels great letting these thoughts out as someone who I classify myself as an "introvert". Hopefully I get the program done and study enough for the exam. I only need 8% to pass on a 30% final exam so hopefully it wont be too bad. Just gotta think positive...

Sometimes I wonder if there are CS majors who *don't* go through this. It hits me a lot--am I in the right place given this school's overemphasis on theory? Am I smart enough for that? Or the drive to make something unrealistic and the subsequent failure. Asking questions takes a while, and I don't really have a solution--I just got to a point where I stopped caring what people might think (and were almost definitely not thinking anyway) when I asked questions. But in the end I usually end up finding something that renews my passion for the subject. So I guess what I'm saying is, you seem to be on the right track, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Keep on not quitting! And good luck on your schoolwork.

 

[Smiley90]

Can I talk about addiction here?

You can talk about anything you want here, really. As long as it doesn't offend anyone. This is like a space for sharing problems you'd usually not feel comfortable sharing with.

 

[FillerB]

Can someone hit me up on Mumble?

 

[Cameron122]

Maybe if we spoke about small recent happenings that lightened our day?

Yesterday I was at the book store with my sister and we saw a young mother with her toddler. The child ran up to me and said "Motorcycle! Vroom!" It was adorable. The mum explained to her kid that it was called a wheelchair but she insisted on motorcycle. The mum was cute too. I liked that the mum didn't run away or reprimand her kid for being curious.

 

[Kraftwerk]

It might sound fucked up, but the lights I see are...kinda cool?

I have seen blue and pink coloured lights, and 30 minutes ago while watching the world cup at my desk, half my room was engulfed in a radiant white light. I couldn't see half the room for a few seconds.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

It's one of those days, DGAF....

 

[Kraftwerk]

It's one of those days, DGAF....

'hug'

 

[MisterLuffy]

I'm seriously not going to bother applying at Target anymore. I called them and told me that they decline me because of availability. There at times where I wish I could tell them how I'm available, but I don't want to be available the whole day. I really need a job, I hate staying at home all day and everyday. I called Apple. Despite not hiring at the moment, they haven't looked the application. But, imo, they're just telling what I want to hear. I haven't called Burlington Coat Factory yet, so I might give them a call later. I just wish most of stores would allow for applications to be submitted online for transportation reasons.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

I'm seriously not going to bother applying at Target anymore. I called them and told me that they decline me because of availability. There at times where I wish I could tell them how I'm available, but I don't want to be available the whole day. I really need a job, I hate staying at home all day and everyday.

With part time jobs just mark every day and time frame as available. They'll probably only give you 20-30 hours and you'll have too much time off really. Your work day shouldn't be taken up completly either.

 

[MisterLuffy]

With part time jobs just mark every day and time frame as available. They'll probably only give you 20-30 hours and you'll have too much time off really. Your work day shouldn't be taken up completly either.

I put my availability from Monday to Friday, I think. 5 hours each would make up of 25 hours a week. I even asked how many hours are they looking for, and they don't know. Despite not hiring at the moment, they decided to decline my application anyways. Same thing with another Target location, stated the same thing.

 

[Choppasmith]

The future is a very scary thing. I like to not even worry about what's going to happen with my life anymore. I mean, I don't even know what will happen in like 30 minutes. I could die from a heart attack. Why worry about it though? It makes me depressed and I end up not wanting to do anything because I'm sad. FUCK THAT!! I want to live as much as I can until I die. I'm not scared of death anymore. I just want life to be joyful while I'm living it.

This is where I'm at right now. I get freaked out over what could happen, and my biggest fear is coming down with some mental condition that'll cause harm to people I love and care about. Reading Kraftwerk's post made me feel nervous about how that could be me. Part of my brain tries to find humor in it like an unwanted Riff track/MST3K commentary but it just ends up making me feel worse.

On a positive note, got a psychiatrist appointment for Thursday and should be seeing a therapist within the next couple of weeks. Also, while having trouble sleeping this morning, I found doing sudoku puzzles really can help me relax and calm my brain down.

 

[antitrop]

Its amazing how dismissive some people can be. I was just talking to my sister on the phone about this, and sharing my feelings, and she just shrugs it off and says " so? you act like you have AIDS". I had to hang up the phone or I would have gone on a tirade. My mom is the same. She thinks I am overreacting.

That is absolutely the worst, I can't even imagine how awful that must be. At least my psychological issues (PTS) are at the front of a media frenzy. With the media constantly telling everyone how messed up soldiers returning from the wars are, at least my family takes me seriously when I tell them.

I hope they'll come around. I don't know how I would handle myself if I didn't have the support of my family.

 

[StickSoldier]

It might sound fucked up, but the lights I see are...kinda cool?

I have seen blue and pink coloured lights, and 30 minutes ago while watching the world cup at my desk, half my room was engulfed in a radiant white light. I couldn't see half the room for a few seconds.

Oooh, pretty awesome sounding! How are you feeling today?

This is where I'm at right now. I get freaked out over what could happen, and my biggest fear is coming down with some mental condition that'll cause harm to people I love and care about. Reading Kraftwerk's post made me feel nervous about how that could be me. Part of my brain tries to find humor in it like an unwanted Riff track/MST3K commentary but it just ends up making me feel worse.

On a positive note, got a psychiatrist appointment for Thursday and should be seeing a therapist within the next couple of weeks. Also, while having trouble sleeping this morning, I found doing sudoku puzzles really can help me relax and calm my brain down.

Yeah, not knowing the future can be a super scary thing. I always thought, "Well what if I don't get to do this!" or "I want to find a girlfriend before I die!", but the problem is that it would consume my mind. I would stop thinking of ways to better myself and just sit on these depressing thoughts, knowing that I have no control of when I die. I just got to the point that I have accepted death, but I'm going to go out on my own terms. Of course, I love to help people, because I know how hard this world can be for others. I don't want to die knowing that I could have helped people making their lives easier; that's the scariest thing to me.

I don't want to be a disappointment to anyone by my actions. Sometimes people won't agree with me, but I just keep moving forward. I'm not going to stray from my path anymore because a road bump gets in my way. It's not about having money, cars, girlfriends, or anything. To me, life is about enjoying what we take for granted. Family, friends, love, joy, laughing, and just living like a child with responsibilities. I'd rather be poor then to live my life striving to succeed, as people would call it. To me, succeeding is about living life happy while being kind to everyone. I just want to be a person that people look up to and can say that I changed their life by showing them true love through kindness. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I hate it. I feel so damn selfish when I sit and contemplate how horrible my life is when they are so many people who have worse problems than me.

I refuse to die like that though. I'm going to strive to be the best person possible and I will try my hardest to help anyone I can. That makes me happy; that's my goal in life. Not to be some IT guy at a business making $70k a year or to become rich somehow. That's nothing to me anymore. I was always miserable when I thought of what direction to take my life in. I thought I had no ability to help those in need, which is truly what I want. My path has changed now though. I'm going to live life on my own terms. I won't let anyone get in my way and say how I live is wrong. If I'm going to die, I'll die knowing that I helped as much as I possibly could. Knowing that, I feel at ease. I don't worry about tomorrow. I just live second by second, making sure my mind is clear of things I don't control. What I can control is the decisions I make at the moment. I don't control what happens in the future. Any thing could happen and alter my goals. So instead of living for the future, I just live to make people happy at present time. That's my purpose I feel like. It makes me not depressed when I look at my life like that.

Love is my keyword. I love everything and everyone. I was so infatuated with my own life that I forgot how much I could help others with theirs. It makes me feel awesome though. The more I do that, the less things I get worried about in my own life.

 

[Wilsongt]

To love someone, and to realize that that person is moving on and doesn't need you/find you important... It's a hard thing to accept...

 

[TangerineCloud]

I've been feeling really lonely lately. When my anxiety and depression were at their worst, playing video games and watching cartoons used to help numb the pain, but they just don't do it for me anymore. The lack of close relationships in my life is really taking its toll. I've tried online dating recently, but my mental illnesses make it very difficult. I'm really awkward and don't feel like I can relate to the women on the site. When I do find someone I like, I end up getting attached too quickly and experience an emotional crash when the chemistry quickly fizzles out. It's just so difficult for me to form relationships (even non-romantic ones) with others, and continually failing to do so just makes me feel like I'm defective. Like I'm a failure of a human being for not being able to do something so basic and essential to my existence.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much right now. It's been like this for the past two years, and now I actually have things to be happy about. I've lost 40 lbs since August; I've learned how to dress myself; I'm back in school and my grades are the best they've ever been; and thanks to CBT, depression and social anxiety don't completely run my life. But even with all of those changes, I feel empty. It's like the more I get my life together, the more it pains me that I'm so alone.

I know things can get better if I keep working myself, but the journey is so exhausting. I'm sick of feeling this pain. Right now I just wish I'd never been born.

 

[Kraftwerk]

Oooh, pretty awesome sounding! How are you feeling today?




Yeah, not knowing the future can be a super scary thing. I always thought, "Well what if I don't get to do this!" or "I want to find a girlfriend before I die!", but the problem is that it would consume my mind. I would stop thinking of ways to better myself and just sit on these depressing thoughts, knowing that I have no control of when I die. I just got to the point that I have accepted death, but I'm going to go out on my own terms. Of course, I love to help people, because I know how hard this world can be for others. I don't want to die knowing that I could have helped people making their lives easier; that's the scariest thing to me.

I don't want to be a disappointment to anyone by my actions. Sometimes people won't agree with me, but I just keep moving forward. I'm not going to stray from my path anymore because a road bump gets in my way. It's not about having money, cars, girlfriends, or anything. To me, life is about enjoying what we take for granted. Family, friends, love, joy, laughing, and just living like a child with responsibilities. I'd rather be poor then to live my life striving to succeed, as people would call it. To me, succeeding is about living life happy while being kind to everyone. I just want to be a person that people look up to and can say that I changed their life by showing them true love through kindness. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I hate it. I feel so damn selfish when I sit and contemplate how horrible my life is when they are so many people who have worse problems than me.

I refuse to die like that though. I'm going to strive to be the best person possible and I will try my hardest to help anyone I can. That makes me happy; that's my goal in life. Not to be some IT guy at a business making $70k a year or to become rich somehow. That's nothing to me anymore. I was always miserable when I thought of what direction to take my life in. I thought I had no ability to help those in need, which is truly what I want. My path has changed now though. I'm going to live life on my own terms. I won't let anyone get in my way and say how I live is wrong. If I'm going to die, I'll die knowing that I helped as much as I possibly could. Knowing that, I feel at ease. I don't worry about tomorrow. I just live second by second, making sure my mind is clear of things I don't control. What I can control is the decisions I make at the moment. I don't control what happens in the future. Any thing could happen and alter my goals. So instead of living for the future, I just live to make people happy at present time. That's my purpose I feel like. It makes me not depressed when I look at my life like that.

Love is my keyword. I love everything and everyone. I was so infatuated with my own life that I forgot how much I could help others with theirs. It makes me feel awesome though. The more I do that, the less things I get worried about in my own life.

Feeling O.K. Couldnt sleep again. I try really hard to sleep, but end up staring out my window until 5-6 am, and then fall asleep until 8-9/ Do not feel exhausted at all though.

Anyway...

Being able to talk here is so helpful. I wish I had the courage to post here months ago instead of just lurking. Not being able to talk about these problems really builds up inside you. Especially when you don't have support from family.

Only my younger sister is supportive. She constantly checks up on me and asks how I am doing. My mother and elder sister still have really archaic thought processes, as I said yesterday, they expect me to man up and cure myself.

Not to get too dark here, but I had attempted to kill myself certain amount of time ago. I had a note prepared and everything. I was going to do it outside the house, this is back when I still lived with my family. I was going to use a knife and stab or cut myself. I stood there for what felt like an eternity. Suddenly I saw my little sister come out of the house. She was going out. Just seeing her face is the reason I am alive today.

What you said about love is very true. I am going to overcome this and not let it control me. Not just for me, but for her. I owe her my life.

 

[Dawg]

Sometimes, I hope I won't wake up anymore after going to bed. Die in my sleep. There are days I long for it. But then there are also days where I feel stupid/silly for even thinking about something like that.

Thing is, I have no idea which feeling is true.

 

[Gentle Rodriguez]

I've been extremely stressed out the past couple of weeks, I feel like I'm going to drop back down to my all time low point again despite making progress. I don't know how to stop this feeling of impending doom.

To love someone, and to realize that that person is moving on and doesn't need you/find you important... It's a hard thing to accept...

I feel like this is going to happen to me very soon, and just the thought of it is killing me. I can't even imagine how you feel, I'm sorry I can't help.

 

[Wilsongt]

I've been extremely stressed out the past couple of weeks, I feel like I'm going to drop back down to my all time low point again despite making progress. I don't know how to stop this feeling of impending doom.


I feel like this is going to happen to me very soon, and just the thought of it is killing me. I can't even imagine how you feel, I'm sorry I can't help.

It's life. It's a bitch. *shrug*