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[MisterLuffy]

I've recently posted how I wasn't able to write a history paper. But I managed to finish it, but I'm not confident in my writing since I feel like I'm taking information right out of wiki and I don't know the topics very well. I really don't know anyone could write 10-15 pages in one day. I hate writing essays. Writing history essays are the worst.

 

[User 479360]

I'm fretting about the doctor being pissed, because she wrote out the referral by hand for some reason. Normally they use computers.

 

[demon]

I'm fretting about the doctor being pissed, because she wrote out the referral by hand for some reason. Normally they use computers.

Waiting for procrastination to bite you in the ass. Story of my life. I'd just be honest with her. I mean is it really any skin off her back? Can't imagine your psychiatrist will be "pissed" at you.

 

[charlemagne]

I've recently posted how I wasn't able to write a history paper. But I managed to finish it, but I'm not confident in my writing since I feel like I'm taking information right out of wiki and I don't know the topics very well. I really don't know anyone could write 10-15 pages in one day. I hate writing essays. Writing history essays are the worst.

Congratulations on finishing it!

 

[MisterLuffy]

Congratulations on finishing it!

Thanks. Hopefully I get a decent grade. I'm glad that I finished it but still not relieved until I see what grade I get out if it.

 

[Mononoke]

Looks like I am without a friend, again. Pretty much back to square one. I have no one in my life. Going to be spending this entire holiday completely alone. Awesome.

I just cant' seem to work things out with my best friend. No matter what I tried, it always felt like I cared more about the relationship then they did. I always felt like they weren't really there, or in it. If that makes sense. And because I cared so much about that person, and what the relationship meant to me, it hurt to feel like I was stepping up to the plate, and they weren't.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really hurt. I don't think I'll ever truly get over this. And for a while, I'm going to be pretty damaged. I'm going to retreat, and not let anyone in. I'm not going to give myself out to anyone for a long time. It sucks to give someone your all, and then have them only meet you sort of half way. To not even have the same feelings or the interest in it.

I'm holding together. I'm feeling really bad, and devastated (again). Maybe I'm just out of tears. Maybe I'm just so numb and drained. I do know, I miss this person. I've been missing this person for a long time now. Because even when we were talking, I felt like I was being put at a distance. And it hurt. And I miss this person so much dearly. It hurts. I feel so lonely, and I yearn for them. Even now, I wish they would contact me. I wish they would try to.

But I don't think it will happen. Because I think, what they want in life, what they are doing in life, WHAT I AM...doesn't seem to mesh with what they are doing. And I don't think that's ever going to change.

I'm really lost right now. So much of me wanting to survive my cancer, was this person. Maybe it wasn't healthy to want to live for someone else. But now that I can't seem to be with them, I feel like...what the fuck do I do now. What was this all for. Sigh. I've really lost so much hope.

I'm starting to think that, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not worthy of having that relationship. Maybe I'm cursed. Gah.

(Before anyone worries, I'm not going to harm myself. I never will. I don't have that in me. So it will never be about that). I'm just really sad, and confused and lost. And I'm just super hurt, and I miss this person so much. I feel so sick. I feel like a home sickness, where you miss someone so much your stomach hurts.

 

[MikeDip]

I've got my next appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I was supposed to get blood work and an MRI done during the several week wait, but didn't. I procrastinated.

Hopefully she's not pissed. She's easygoing, though.

Heyo, How long did it take for you to get your MRI date? I need one for my knee and I don't like waiting.

 

[entremet]

Looks like I am without a friend, again. Pretty much back to square one. I have no one in my life. Going to be spending this entire holiday completely alone. Awesome.

I just cant' seem to work things out with my best friend. No matter what I tried, it always felt like I cared more about the relationship then they did. I always felt like they weren't really there, or in it. If that makes sense. And because I cared so much about that person, and what the relationship meant to me, it hurt to feel like I was stepping up to the plate, and they weren't.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really hurt. I don't think I'll ever truly get over this. And for a while, I'm going to be pretty damaged. I'm going to retreat, and not let anyone in. I'm not going to give myself out to anyone for a long time. It sucks to give someone your all, and then have them only meet you sort of half way. To not even have the same feelings or the interest in it.

I'm holding together. I'm feeling really bad, and devastated (again). Maybe I'm just out of tears. Maybe I'm just so numb and drained. I do know, I miss this person. I've been missing this person for a long time now. Because even when we were talking, I felt like I was being put at a distance. And it hurt. And I miss this person so much dearly. It hurts. I feel so lonely, and I yearn for them. Even now, I wish they would contact me. I wish they would try to.

But I don't think it will happen. Because I think, what they want in life, what they are doing in life, WHAT I AM...doesn't seem to mesh with what they are doing. And I don't think that's ever going to change.

I'm really lost right now. So much of me wanting to survive my cancer, was this person. Maybe it wasn't healthy to want to live for someone else. But now that I can't seem to be with them, I feel like...what the fuck do I do now. What was this all for. Sigh. I've really lost so much hope.

I'm starting to think that, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not worthy of having that relationship. Maybe I'm cursed. Gah.

(Before anyone worries, I'm not going to harm myself. I never will. I don't have that in me. So it will never be about that). I'm just really sad, and confused and lost. And I'm just super hurt, and I miss this person so much. I feel so sick. I feel like a home sickness, where you miss someone so much your stomach hurts.

I've been there.

You may also have unresolved emotions and your friend became a crutch of sorts to deal with them.

We all need friendship and companionship, but I do notice that people in general can't bear all our burdens. No one can. Not your therapist, not your spouse.

Sometimes, we have to bear it.

So look into developing coping mechanisms. Personally I like writing. I'm not much of a talker, but writing helps me deal with unresolved emotions.

Loneliness will take work because relationships take time to form and trust takes time to build. Holidays can be tough, but see this a chance to take care of yourself. Get some exercise, eat well, sleep well, do fun things.

Thinking of the good times with your friends will also help. Be grateful for the memories. There's more people out there.

 

[Mononoke]

I've been there.

You may also have unresolved emotions and your friend became a crutch of sorts to deal with them.

We all need friendship and companionship, but I do notice that people in general can't bear all our burdens. No one can. Not your therapist, not your spouse.

Sometimes, we have to bear it.

So look into developing coping mechanisms. Personally I like writing. I'm not much of a talker, but writing helps me deal with unresolved emotions.

Loneliness will take work because relationships take time to form and trust takes time to build. Holidays can be tough, but see this a chance to take care of yourself. Get some exercise, eat well, sleep well, do fun things.

Thinking of the good times with your friends will also help. Be grateful for the memories. There's more people out there.

Great advice. I do feel on some level, I was using this BF as a crutch. Especially given the complicated aspect of my Cancer. And them helping out. It's just really hard to let go. Because, even beyond the cancer stuff, it was really special relationship. And that is what kills me. Like, this person doesn't want us to stop being friends. They think what we have is special.

But at the same time, I just feel like our relationship is so uneven. Like they don't really put the same kind of effort into it, that I am. That they aren't as truly invested as I am. You know what I mean? And that hurts a lot.

It just got to a point where it's like, I'm tired of feeling lonely and sad because I'm trying so hard, and putting all of myself into this, and I don't feel they are. Sigh.

I know I can make friends again. I've always been a people person. I only don't have friends now, because I had just moved to a new state, when I got hit with this cancer. So once I bounce back, I'll meet people. I'm not worried about that. It's just, I know what I wanted. I know what kind of happiness this specific relationship was. And so while yeah, I'll meet new people...it won't ever be what we had. It won't be that specific happiness. And that fuckin sucks. But what can I do? I can't...force someone to change.

It just sucks. I feel like this is such a waste. Like, there was something truly special here. And if only we were on the same page, or if she was in a different spot in her life, it could have been amazing. But I guess not.

 

[Blues1990]

Looks like I am without a friend, again. Pretty much back to square one. I have no one in my life. Going to be spending this entire holiday completely alone. Awesome.

I just cant' seem to work things out with my best friend. No matter what I tried, it always felt like I cared more about the relationship then they did. I always felt like they weren't really there, or in it. If that makes sense. And because I cared so much about that person, and what the relationship meant to me, it hurt to feel like I was stepping up to the plate, and they weren't.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really hurt. I don't think I'll ever truly get over this. And for a while, I'm going to be pretty damaged. I'm going to retreat, and not let anyone in. I'm not going to give myself out to anyone for a long time. It sucks to give someone your all, and then have them only meet you sort of half way. To not even have the same feelings or the interest in it.

I'm holding together. I'm feeling really bad, and devastated (again). Maybe I'm just out of tears. Maybe I'm just so numb and drained. I do know, I miss this person. I've been missing this person for a long time now. Because even when we were talking, I felt like I was being put at a distance. And it hurt. And I miss this person so much dearly. It hurts. I feel so lonely, and I yearn for them. Even now, I wish they would contact me. I wish they would try to.

But I don't think it will happen. Because I think, what they want in life, what they are doing in life, WHAT I AM...doesn't seem to mesh with what they are doing. And I don't think that's ever going to change.

I'm really lost right now. So much of me wanting to survive my cancer, was this person. Maybe it wasn't healthy to want to live for someone else. But now that I can't seem to be with them, I feel like...what the fuck do I do now. What was this all for. Sigh. I've really lost so much hope.

I'm starting to think that, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just not worthy of having that relationship. Maybe I'm cursed. Gah.

(Before anyone worries, I'm not going to harm myself. I never will. I don't have that in me. So it will never be about that). I'm just really sad, and confused and lost. And I'm just super hurt, and I miss this person so much. I feel so sick. I feel like a home sickness, where you miss someone so much your stomach hurts.

I know exactly how you feel, man. After what had happened this year, I just want to crawl into a hole & just be forgotten. I'm so miserable & tired right now, & nothing is helping me cope.

 

[Mononoke]

I know exactly how you feel, man. After what had happened this year, I just want to crawl into a hole & just be forgotten. I'm so miserable & tired right now, & nothing is helping me cope.

Sorry to hear that. It helps though to know someone else is going through the same thing. I hope you can get better. I hope things work out for you.

It just hurts so much, when someone doesn't step up and put in the effort and care the way you did. It's even worse, when both of you think what you had is really special. But you can't do anything about it. Because you can only answer for yourself. You can only...put the effort in. And if the other person doesn't, what can you do?

But it really fuckin hurts. As I said, I miss them already. I already know I won't get this back again. I feel this is a huge mistake. I've tried to rationalize it, and tried to find ways to fix it. But as long as this person doesn't feel the same as me, and is in a spot in life where they can't step up and be on equal footing, it just...

Sigh.

Guess I'm not a priority. Guess I'm not something important. I'm not so needy or narcissistic. I didn't need them to live around me. Or be around me 24/7. I just needed them to care, and be emotionally and mentally with me, when I was putting in all that effort.

 

[entremet]

Great advice. I do feel on some level, I was using them as a crutch. Especially given the complicated aspect of my Cancer. And them helping out.

It's just really hard to let go. Because, even beyond the cancer stuff, it was really special relationship. And that is what kills me. Like, this person doesn't want us to stop being friend. They think what we have is special.

But at the same time, I just feel like our relationship is so uneven. Like they don't really put the same kind of effort into it, that I am. That they aren't as truly invested as I am. You know what I mean? And that hurts a lot.

It just got to a point where it's like, I'm tired of feeling lonely and sad because I'm trying so hard, and putting all of myself into this, and I don't feel they are.

That's were you want to reassess the friendship. There are tiers of friendships. You can still keep the friendship, but pull back on it if you feel over investing without much return. It should be reciprocal.

There could also be a communication issue. Your friend could also be busy or occupied. Let things slide for a bit and if they pick up again in time, then you know you have a keeper.

Sadly friendships are tenuous--people move, change priorities, they change, you change.

I like the train analogy. Some people are gonna leave at earlier stops; others will leave at the same stop as you, and others will come in after the ones that left earlier.

But don't resist or fight your pain. It's essentially a grieving process of sorts. They may not be dead, but relationally they are. And that can be very painful. So cry, write, just process it.

 

[Mononoke]

That's were you want to reassess the friendship. There are tiers of friendships. You can still keep the friendship, but pull back on it if you feel over investing without much return. It should be reciprocal.

There could also be a communication issue. Your friend could also be busy or occupied. Let things slide for a bit and if they pick up again in time, then you know you have a keeper.

Sadly friendships are tenuous--people move, change priorities, they change, you change.

I like the train analogy. Some people are gonna leave at earlier stops; others will leave at the same stop as you, and others will come in after the ones that left earlier.

But don't resist or fight your pain. It's essentially a grieving process of sorts. They may not be dead, but relationally they are. And that can be very painful. So cry, write, just process it.

Again, great post. That analogy makes me want to cry. But it's pretty spot on.

I guess I'm just delusional or foolish. But I really really thought what we had was special. We had this deep connection. I've never been able to connect with someone like this before. We just clicked. And she felt the same way (so it's not just me).

Normally I wouldn't have an issue with friendships fading out over time. With having to move on. I'm actually a very social/people person, and I'm also pretty practical about things. I'm not the kind of person that is romantic, and thinks in grand ideas. I understand how it works.

But this is just hitting me so hard. Because I do feel like it's such a waste. Maybe emotionally, it's hurting so much, because this person got me through cancer. But I want to think even beyond the cancer, it hurts because we had so much going for this. And because I care about her so much. Because this meant to me, more then anything.

At the end of the day, I can't force someone to feel the same things. To care the same levels. To be as invested. And you are right, it's not always a personal thing. It's work. It's them busy. It's them focusing on things in their life, that take more priority then me. I don't hold that against anyone. I get it.

But they wanted to have the relationship, and they kept telling me they wanted all these things. And it just wasn't a reality. It wasn't what they were doing. And it hurt so much.

I know I'm sounding super pathetic here. Like I said, this has never happened to me before. I've had plenty of GF's, plenty of friends. I am usually practical, and I view things similar to yourself. I'm capable of accessing relationships and moving on when things just aren't working out. Same with communicating. We've communicated a lot. I just feel like she says her heart is in it, but she doesn't actually do it. And I can't do anything about this.

----

I just want to crawl in bed and die right now. But hey, I'll look forward to the new year of meeting new people. I'll bounce back. I just hate that this ended up this way. And I miss my friend so much. Sigh.

 

[Mononoke]

lol you know the funny thing.

While I'm all devastated and feel like shit, I bet my friend doesn't even care anywhere close to what I do right now. So I'm feeling worse then I ever have. And I bet they are doing just fine, or at least getting on by just fine.

Guess that's all I really need to think about. Guess I need to stop being pathetic and just give this up. Since it doesn't matter. And I'm just being sad for caring this music. This is why I'm going to stop giving myself out to others and putting that kind of effort into things. At least for the time being.

EDIT: Sorry for tonight. Appreciate you hearing me out. I just need to realize I don't matter (in this case), and just move on.

 

[jb1234]

Sorry to hear that. It helps though to know someone else is going through the same thing. I hope you can get better. I hope things work out for you.

It just hurts so much, when someone doesn't step up and put in the effort and care the way you did. It's even worse, when both of you think what you had is really special. But you can't do anything about it. Because you can only answer for yourself. You can only...put the effort in. And if the other person doesn't, what can you do?

Nothing, unfortunately. As someone who has tried to cope with more than one friendship in my life where it feels like I'm doing all the work, sometimes there's just no fix. We can't help who we connect to and we can't help it if the other person just doesn't feel as strongly. It feels like we're just shaking the other other person as hard as we can and screaming, "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME!?"

It sucks and it hurts. I still haven't completely gotten over the loss of one of my best friends, who simply stopped talking to me almost two years ago. In retrospect, I could see the signs, how he was distancing himself but I was distracted by the pain I was in at the time and as a result, he completely blindsided me. To this day, seeing something that reminds me of him brings all the pain back. They say time heals all but in my experience, it's a partial fix at best. You just keep going, as best you can and hope that there's still awesome people out there somewhere who will be willing to do for you what you'd do for them.

 

[Mononoke]

Nothing, unfortunately. As someone who has tried to cope with more than one friendship in my life where it feels like I'm doing all the work, sometimes there's just no fix. We can't help who we connect to and we can't help it if the other person just doesn't feel as strongly. It feels like we're just shaking the other other person as hard as we can and screaming, "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME!?"

It sucks and it hurts. I still haven't completely gotten over the loss of one of my best friends, who simply stopped talking to me almost two years ago. In retrospect, I could see the signs, how he was distancing himself but I was distracted by the pain I was in at the time and as a result, he completely blindsided me. To this day, seeing something that reminds me of him brings all the pain back. They say time heals all but in my experience, it's a partial fix at best. You just keep going, as best you can and hope that there's still awesome people out there somewhere who will be willing to do for you what you'd do for them.

In my case, the person doesn't want to end things. But the relationship feels stilted to me. It feels one sided to me. Like I put a lot into it, and they don't really give back. I don't understand why. Because we've communicated and tried so many times to fix it. And while my friend doesn't express emotions that great, we've kind of said we were on the same page (in terms of how we viewed our relationship, and how much it means to one another).

And yet, I never feel like they are invested, or care as much as I do. So this is a fucked situation. I feel awful, as I do think they probably do care. But I can't force them to feel what I feel, see what I see, or put in the effort I do. It really hurts. I feel so shitty right now. I don't understand how, I can give so much of myself to someone, and then feel so marginalized. To have that barrier between us.

It's basically like, I feel that I show up ready to jump in. And I'm just kind of left hanging. I don't think it's malicious. I just think they are in a place in life right now, where a best friend is not a priority (even if they want one). And given all the shit I've been through with cancer, I just really needed someone badly.

I've thought about this quite a bit. I'm a practical person. I'm not normally this emotional. Prior to my cancer, I was a very confident/happy go lucky person. I can meet people easily, and I just never really had emotional issues. The cancer + family stuff really did a number on me. And it's left me hurting. But I've been able to step outside myself, and try to look at this from an outside perspective. And I really don't feel I'm being needy or wanting this to always be about me. I just want them to give me the same time and communication I give them.

I want them to care as much as I care. And that is what hurts so much. You know? That you put in all that effort. That you care about that person that much. And then it feels like they aren't returning it. It just hurts me all that much more, because I really love this person (I don't even mean on a romantic level), but I just care so much about them. And I think what we had was really special. But I can't force this person to change, or to put in the same effort. It just kills me to think, we had the connection we had. That if only this person would care or feel the same was as I do, it could have been a long lasting relationship that was rich and had so many benefits.

Apart of this is my fault. I told myself, to just keep this to myself. To just, keep being their friend and support them, even if I don't feel like they are showing up to the same degree I was. I was going to just bear it, and continue things with me feeling that disconnect. But I found myself feeling lonely every day. I found myself hurting. I really didn't understand why. So because I couldn't keep doing this (where I feel like I'm showing up and being left hanging), it was just too much for me.

I'm going to head to bed. I feel so bad right now.

And like I said, I bet while I'm feeling gutted and destroyed, they probably are moving on just fine. I guess that's just the difference between us. All I'll say is, I've really lost a lot of hope after this. I know that I'll meet people in the future, like I always did. But just given all the things we had going for us, and for it to turn out this way. I'm going to really be cautious about who I put myself out there too. This has been one of the worst things in my life. Sometimes I wonder why I even survived my cancer. I know that thought is irrational. But after dealing with this for a year, I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted some happiness. And I thought it was this person. But I guess I just don't deserve it.

 

[Jordan]

Anyone free for a quick chat over PMs?

 

[MikeDip]

Anyone free for a quick chat over PMs?

If you're still awake or whatever I'm up for it. Warning though, I just woke up from 2 hours sleep and am still touching angels.

 

[charlemagne]

Anyone free for a quick chat over PMs?

Sure thing, if you're still online.

 

[Dilly]

So, after being pretty happy with my life and finding a great girl who actually was my girlfriend for a few months, I felt great.

She dumped me 3 weeks ago, because she didn't have feelings for me anymore and I've been absolutely miserable since. I don't have any self worth issues or anything, and for a certain part I can find solace in writing music. But I've been single for all my life before that (I'm 22) and I'm so scared that I'll end up alone again for so many years.

I just don't know what to do, I'm also going for my master's degree but I don't like it at all and I want to do something different that I feel would suit me better, but I can only start doing that next schoolyear. At the moment it feels like I'm stuck, and everything I haveworked towards is gone. I've been failing tests and having this constant feeling of agony and anxiety for days now.

I've asked my doctor for a name of a therapist nearby, and I'm really contemplating getting therapy, just to help me get over this. Because I'm not sure I can on my own, in general I am terrible in forgetting things and letting go.

 

[Mononoke]

So, after being pretty happy with my life and finding a great girl who actually was my girlfriend for a few months, I felt great.

She dumped me 3 weeks ago, because she didn't have feelings for me anymore and I've been absolutely miserable since. I don't have any self worth issues or anything, and for a certain part I can find solace in writing music. But I've been single for all my life before that (I'm 22) and I'm so scared that I'll end up alone again for so many years.

I just don't know what to do, I'm also going for my master's degree but I don't like it at all and I want to do something different that I feel would suit me better, but I can only start doing that next schoolyear. At the moment it feels like I'm stuck, and everything I haveworked towards is gone. I've been failing tests and having this constant feeling of agony and anxiety for days now.

I've asked my doctor for a name of a therapist nearby, and I'm really contemplating getting therapy, just to help me get over this. Because I'm not sure I can on my own, in general I am terrible in forgetting things and letting go.

Therapy helps friend. I envy you. Music is my passion, and I've lost the will to play it. At least for now. I just can't play music anymore. Just after all the shit I've been through recently with my relationship, i'm just numb. I wish I could have it as an outlet again.

But I can tell you, therapy has helped me quite a bit. Just being able to talk to someone. And yeah, it's very hard trying to do this on your own. It really hurts when you have someone not care about you anymore. Like when you care so much about them, and then they don't.

My situation wasn't 1:1 yours. Because I think the other person did care still, it's just we are in different places. And there is something about them as a person, that I don't understand. Where they just don't put the same effort or care the same as me (for whatever reason). I guess the end result is the same, both of us are hurting because we've I. have that hole since that person is not in our life. II. The pain of caring so much about someone, and not having it returned.

It really sucks. I wish I could give you advice. And say, you will just meet someone else. You will meet someone else. I'll meet someone else. Doesn't change the pain. Because if you really cared about this person, it's like THAT specific kind of happiness, is something you won't get back. You will find new happiness. But not that specific one. And that is what is really hard. Still, if you ever need any support, just let me know. I dunno. I think we are kind of going through the same thing.

EDIT: How far are you into your masters? Sometimes it just makes sense to complete a degree, and then just apply for other fields later on. I've known people that could get hired at other jobs, just because jobs/fields don't always hire people based on the degree matching the field. The pedigree of having a masters is alone, really good on your resume (even if it doesn't match what you want to do). So if you are almost done with your masters, it might just make sense to finish it.

But if you are just starting out, then there is nothing wrong with switching. Do what your heart tells you. You only have this one life. So make the best of it. Do what is right for you.

 

[Symphonia]

Anyone free for a quick chat over PMs?

You know I always am.

 

[Dilly]

Therapy helps friend. I envy you. Music is my passion, and I've lost the will to play it. At least for now. I just can't play music anymore. Just after all the shit I've been through recently with my relationship, i'm just numb. I wish I could have it as an outlet again.

But I can tell you, therapy has helped me quite a bit. Just being able to talk to someone. And yeah, it's very hard trying to do this on your own. It really hurts when you have someone not care about you anymore. Like when you care so much about them, and then they don't.

My situation wasn't 1:1 yours. Because I think the other person did care still, it's just we are in different places. And there is something about them as a person, that I don't understand. Where they just don't put the same effort or care the same as me (for whatever reason). I guess the end result is the same, both of us are hurting because we've I. have that hole since that person is not in our life. II. The pain of caring so much about someone, and not having it returned.

It really sucks. I wish I could give you advice. And say, you will just meet someone else. You will meet someone else. I'll meet someone else. Doesn't change the pain. Because if you really cared about this person, it's like THAT specific kind of happiness, is something you won't get back. You will find new happiness. But not that specific one. And that is what is really hard. Still, if you ever need any support, just let me know. I dunno. I think we are kind of going through the same thing.

EDIT: How far are you into your masters? Sometimes it just makes sense to complete a degree, and then just apply for other fields later on. I've known people that could get hired at other jobs, just because jobs/fields don't always hire people based on the degree matching the field. The pedigree of having a masters is alone, really good on your resume (even if it doesn't match what you want to do). So if you are almost done with your masters, it might just make sense to finish it.

But if you are just starting out, then there is nothing wrong with switching. Do what your heart tells you. You only have this one life. So make the best of it. Do what is right for you.

Yeah, first I felt the same about not wanting to play music, because she was a drummer and we could jam for hours at a time. So it reminded me of those moments, but then something clicked again to make me realize it's the only way I can truly express myself.

I fully agree with what you say, there are just so many aspects that I think about future wise that absolutely destroys me about not being with her anymore.

She still cares about me in a way, she still wants to be friends and stuff, but it hurts too much for me so I try and keep it to an absolute minimum, because I'll never move on if I don't.

About my master, it's a special situation. I graduated as a professional bachelor in electronics-ict last year, and there is a decent job market for it. But I started my Masters in Engineering this year (it's 2 years in total) and I feel like it's not really for me anyway. I've found this bachelor after bachelor that's only 1 year extra that has a lot more in common with my interests in general, which is Audio-visual communication. But I can only start next year.

 

[Mononoke]

Yeah, first I felt the same about not wanting to play music, because she was a drummer and we could jam for hours at a time. So it reminded me of those moments, but then something clicked again to make me realize it's the only way I can truly express myself.

I fully agree with what you say, there are just so many aspects that I think about future wise that absolutely destroys me about not being with her anymore.

She still cares about me in a way, she still wants to be friends and stuff, but it hurts too much for me so I try and keep it to an absolute minimum, because I'll never move on if I don't.

About my master, it's a special situation. I graduated as a professional bachelor in electronics-ict last year, and there is a decent job market for it. But I started my Masters in Engineering this year (it's 2 years in total) and I feel like it's not really for me anyway. I've found this bachelor after bachelor that's only 1 year extra that has a lot more in common with my interests in general, which is Audio-visual communication. But I can only start next year.

Thanks for the reply. I would say, you are making the right call about distancing yourself form her and not staying friends. At least for now. You need to do what you can to get over her. It's understandable.

As far as your masters go, then I say go for it. Just change what you want to do. The only thing I would say is, set aside a week. And just really think about it. Think if it makes sense, and it's something you really want. Sometimes in the heat of a moment, especially during a time where you are emotionally hurt and overwhelmed, your decisions and feelings can impact that.

So make sure your master stuff, isn't just a reaction to all the shit that is going on. That it's something that deep down, you know you don't want. And if that is the case, then 100% go for it. Change it.

I wish we could play music together. I play Piano and Guitar professionally. I really want to play piano again. It put me at peace, and was my outlet for my emotions. But I'm so hurt and numb right now, I can't. So much of my music in the past year, was informed by my happiness because of my friendship. And with that hole in my life right now, I can't bring myself to play music. My passion feels dead.

And yeah, I think people don't really understand sometimes. It's like, yeah...friends come and go. GFs come and go. People meet, they grow apart over time. We date multiple people in our life time. We make friends all our life. We lose friends. All of this is true.

But sometimes, you really meet someone you care a lot about (almost to family levels). Someone that is really special. And even though you will eventually meet someone else, that specific happiness can't ever be gained back. It's forever lost. And nothing will 100% replace it. And it's times like this, that really hurt. It's not the same as your usual GF/friendship deal.

At least, that is my situation.

It just sucks, because I did everything I could. I tried so hard. I was willing to do anything. But the other person wasn't. And what can you do about that? You can't. it sucks.

 

[Dilly]

Thanks for the reply. I would say, you are making the right call about distancing yourself form her and not staying friends. At least for now. You need to do what you can to get over her. It's understandable.

As far as your masters go, then I say go for it. Just change what you want to do. The only thing I would say is, set aside a week. And just really think about it. Think if it makes sense, and it's something you really want. Sometimes in the heat of a moment, especially during a time where you are emotionally hurt and overwhelmed, your decisions and feelings can impact that.

So make sure your master stuff, isn't just a reaction to all the shit that is going on. That it's something that deep down, you know you don't want. And if that is the case, then 100% go for it. Change it.

Yeah, I'm just going to wait and see how next semester goes, when everything has settled down a bit. And I'm also going to talk to some people who I'm close with about it and see what they say. But I was already in doubt last year if I should do the Engineering master or the Audiovisual bachelor.

I wish we could play music together. I play Piano and Guitar professionally. I really want to play piano again. It put me at peace, and was my outlet for my emotions. But I'm so hurt and numb right now, I can't. So much of my music in the past year, was informed by my happiness because of my friendship. And with that hole in my life right now, I can't bring myself to play music. My passion feels dead.

Yeah, that would be awesome if we could jam. I'm quite jealous you play music professionally, if only I could get that chance! I can totally understand that it's hard to play music when you feel that way, I always used music as an outlet for my negative feelings, which is maybe why I can still play now. But I'm sure that you'll find that drive again soon. I've put my ideas and demo's on Soundcloud, and it's kind of uplifting to see some people listening to something that existed solely in my mind.

And yeah, I think people don't really understand sometimes. It's like, yeah...friends come and go. GFs come and go. People meet, they grow apart over time. We date multiple people in our life time. We make friends all our life. We lose friends. All of this is true.

But sometimes, you really meet someone you care a lot about (almost to family levels). Someone that is really special. And even though you will eventually meet someone else, that specific happiness can't ever be gained back. It's forever lost. And nothing will 100% replace it. And it's times like this, that really hurt. It's not the same as your usual GF/friendship deal.

At least, that is my situation.

It just sucks, because I did everything I could. I tried so hard. I was willing to do anything. But the other person wasn't. And what can you do about that? You can't. it sucks.

Yeah, I agree. This girl was really special to me. We could share everything because we had so much in common and it brought me so much joy to have someone like that. And now I can only think about how she'll be someone else's in the future, while we're going to be nothing more but strangers, while we shared so much.

To be honest, the way we think about these things is probably what also makes us good musicians. Like, a special way of experiencing things or something. And that also counts for how we perceive love. I don't know, it's hard to type down what I'm trying to say, so it'll probably sound like ramblings of a mad man.

 

[Mononoke]

Yeah, I'm just going to wait and see how next semester goes, when everything has settled down a bit. And I'm also going to talk to some people who I'm close with about it and see what they say. But I was already in doubt last year if I should do the Engineering master or the Audiovisual bachelor.



Yeah, that would be awesome if we could jam. I'm quite jealous you play music professionally, if only I could get that chance! I can totally understand that it's hard to play music when you feel that way, I always used music as an outlet for my negative feelings, which is maybe why I can still play now. But I'm sure that you'll find that drive again soon. I've put my ideas and demo's on Soundcloud, and it's kind of uplifting to see some people listening to something that existed solely in my mind.



Yeah, I agree. This girl was really special to me. We could share everything because we had so much in common and it brought me so much joy to have someone like that. And now I can only think about how she'll be someone else's in the future, while we're going to be nothing more but strangers, while we shared so much.

To be honest, the way we think about these things is probably what also makes us good musicians. Like, a special way of experiencing things or something. And that also counts for how we perceive love. I don't know, it's hard to type down what I'm trying to say, so it'll probably sound like ramblings of a mad man.

Yeah, that's the problem isn't it. Like, it's rare to have a really insane connection with someone. Where things just click. Where you can be 100% yourself, and confide in them. Where you are able to connect on some deeper emotional level, You don't get that very often with other people. I've had like 7 or so GF's. Some of them were very serious. But I never had the connection I had with my best friend. I think in cases like this, it's just really rare.

And what hurts is when, you recognize that this is special. And you will do anything for it, because you know that if you put the work in, it can become something wonderful. But then when the other person doesn't want to put in the work, or doesn't feel the same way, then it hurts. It hurts because you think it's a big mistake. Like it was something that could have been amazing. Because it was rare. And to think it gets thrown away, because the other person couldn't get up to the same level as you. It's like, you lost something really really rare that should have been cherished and worked on.

We should keep in touch, man. Like if you ever need to talk or need support, PM me? I think we do have a lot in common (with music), our situation, and how we think. I agree.

 

[Dilly]

Yeah, that's the problem isn't it. Like, it's rare to have a really insane connection with someone. Where things just click. Where you can be 100% yourself, and confide in them. Where you are able to connect on some deeper emotional level, You don't get that very often with other people. I've had like 7 or so GF's. Some of them were very serious. But I never had the connection I had with my best friend. I think in cases like this, it's just really rare.

And what hurts is when, you recognize that this is special. And you will do anything for it, because you know that if you put the work in, it can become something wonderful. But then when the other person doesn't want to put in the work, or doesn't feel the same way, then it hurts. It hurts because you think it's a big mistake. Like it was something that could have been amazing. Because it was rare. And to think it gets thrown away, because the other person couldn't get up to the same level as you. It's like, you lost something really really rare.

We should keep in touch, man. Like if you ever need to talk or need support, PM me? I think we do have a lot in common (with music), our situation, and how we think. I agree.

Yeah, I just fully agree with that. It's so hard to accept that she can just throw that away while you're the one who'd give everything to make it work.

Yeah, totally. Same if you want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me!

 

[User 479360]

Heyo, How long did it take for you to get your MRI date? I need one for my knee and I don't like waiting.

It didn't take too long for them to call, but I never got the date because I procrastinated in calling them back. The doctor changed the date on the referral and resubmitted it today. Thankfully she wasn't angry at all.

The appointment went well. I got referred to a non-profit mental health clinic, the one with the possibly free dentistry. Also, to a lab that does better MRIs for research, as well as blood tests for best meds to take.

She also gave me another 8 weeks of Cymbalta free trials, though 60mg instead of 30mg/day.

We got good news about my family member, who's cancer free, and I donated some blood, so it's been a good day.

 

[MikeDip]

It didn't take too long for them to call, but I never got the date because I procrastinated in calling them back. The doctor changed the date on the referral and resubmitted it today. Thankfully she wasn't angry at all.

The appointment went well. I got referred to a non-profit mental health clinic, the one with the possibly free dentistry. Also, to a lab that does better MRIs for research, as well as blood tests for best meds to take.

She also gave me another 8 weeks of Cymbalta free trials, though 60mg instead of 30mg/day.

We got good news about my family member, who's cancer free, and I donated some blood, so it's been a good day.

That's all awesome! Hurray!

(And I got a letter for my MRI date in the mail today. Gotta wait until the first week of Feb but at least I know now)

 

[User 479360]

That's all awesome! Hurray!

(And I got a letter for my MRI date in the mail today. Gotta wait until the first week of Feb but at least I know now)

Good to hear, and good luck with your MRI

Also, thanks for the comments. It's been a day of good things. Appreciably so.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Does anyone know how to do endnote or footnote citation? Because my teacher wants that. Can anyone help me?

Edit: nvm, I'm watching a youtube video on how to do footnotes, and this might save me from deduction of points.

 

[Polydeuces]

Misplaced one important piece of identification. I cant believe it. Gonna have to go through paper work to get back one. Had that panic attack kick in. Really bumming me out...

 

[Jordan]

Sure thing, if you're still online.

You know I always am.

Spoke to MikeDip in the end.

Thanks though, appreciated.

 

[Scrabble]

Is it ever a good idea to ask a teacher to round up a grade? Out of 293 possible points, I ended the semester with 233, one point away from having a B on sole account I wasn't aware there was a final assignment worth half a test grade due the last day of class. Worst of all, it was one of those gimmie assignments meant to boost grades, just a paragraph or two self evaluation on what you learned in the course. What the fuck? I was too preoccupied with studying for my final and preparing for my class presentation that it just completely slipped my mind. It's potentially the difference between having the money to go to school or not and I'm so infuriated right now. She says I deserve the C because I had five absences. I suppose she's right and should have gone to class more, but depression and social anxiety really made it difficult sometimes. I know that's not an excuse for missing class, but fuck man.

 

[Various Artists]

GAF,

It is a struggle to get out of bed. It is a struggle to get in the shower. It is a struggle to go to work and be there for 8 hours. It is a struggle to get home and spend time with my wife. I struggle with realizing that for the few hours I get to be at home it is doing things I dont want to.

I go to a therapist. She says I need to appreciate what I have. I take my meds daily. I still feel awful.

I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to go on.

 

[Exr]

GAF,

It is a struggle to get out of bed. It is a struggle to get in the shower. It is a struggle to go to work and be there for 8 hours. It is a struggle to get home and spend time with my wife. I struggle with realizing that for the few hours I get to be at home it is doing things I dont want to.

I go to a therapist. She says I need to appreciate what I have. I take my meds daily. I still feel awful.

I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to go on.

What does this lethargy stem from? Could they be a product of the pills or are you depressed?

I cant pretend to know your or anyones situations in this thread. All I can say is that in my personal experience reading a lot of philosophy books helped to change the way I percieve things and deal with them. Of course this wont work for everyone and some dont have the time, but repeating little mantras from various works tends to refocus my mind and help remind myself that things arent so bad.

 

[jb1234]

I'm more or less convinced that my family is cursed. My mom has bad arthritis, my sister is schizophrenic and I have fibromyalgia. All three of us are disabled to varying degrees. Today, I'm at mom's and she breaks the news that the doctors think my sister has a brain tumor. She's crying, probably expecting something from me and I just stand there, very aware that my face isn't changing expression. Mostly because I'm so fucked in the head and dead inside that all I can think is how lucky my sister might be, not to have to suffer in this world any longer.

 

[zeemumu]

Maybe I should go live on my own underground.

 

[Henkka]

Does anyone else have next to no feelings? These days I sometimes just feel stressed or anxious, otherwise it's all a gray blur. I'm not diagnosed with anything, probably because I've never talked seriously to a doctor about this stuff. But I've been feeling pretty depressed for years now, and this year I've become somewhat of a hypochondriac. I've slowly come to the realization that if I just keep going like this without any drastic changes, I'll end up living a boring, dull life. But I seem to lack the motivation to change things...

 

[User 479360]

I'm more or less convinced that my family is cursed. My mom has bad arthritis, my sister is schizophrenic and I have fibromyalgia. All three of us are disabled to varying degrees. Today, I'm at mom's and she breaks the news that the doctors think my sister has a brain tumor. She's crying, probably expecting something from me and I just stand there, very aware that my face isn't changing expression. Mostly because I'm so fucked in the head and dead inside that all I can think is how lucky my sister might be, not to have to suffer in this world any longer.

Try to keep your chin up. That's all you can really do.

I'm really sorry to hear about your sister's potential diagnosis, and the fact that your family seems to be cursed. Mine does as well.

Hopefully the tumour is operable, or better yet, can be treated with radiation. Best of luck.

 

[jb1234]

Try to keep your chin up. That's all you can really do.

I'm really sorry to hear about your sister's potential diagnosis, and the fact that your family seems to be cursed. Mine does as well.

Hopefully the tumour is operable, or better yet, can be treated with radiation. Best of luck.

It really sucks. I feel like I'm just barely teetering on the edge of sanity and can't take anymore but of course, more happens.

 

[OccamsBlender]

GAF,

It is a struggle to get out of bed. It is a struggle to get in the shower. It is a struggle to go to work and be there for 8 hours. It is a struggle to get home and spend time with my wife. I struggle with realizing that for the few hours I get to be at home it is doing things I dont want to.

I go to a therapist. She says I need to appreciate what I have. I take my meds daily. I still feel awful.

I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to go on.

How long have you been taking your meds? Sadly, they can take a month or so to kick in. If you've been on them for a while, maybe you need different ones. Whatever you do, don't just suddenly drop them cold turkey.

Do you have the means to do exercise? Exercise does wonders for the body and mind. What are you eating? People woefully underestimate how much what you eat has an impact. If you aren't getting enough of certain nutrients you will get depressed and lethargic.

Learning relaxation techniques has gone far for me. It still hasn't helped me defeat the evil voice in my head that says I'm irrelevant and if I die no one would care but it's helped me feel more alive. Food tastes a little better and I have some fleeting happy moments where the voice goes away for 10-15 minutes. Not perfect but way way way better than before.

 

[Silphonica]

On my way to collect sertraline 100mg, doctor on the phone basically said I won't feel much of the positives on such a low dose of 50mg (been on for 4 weeks just now), after 4 weeks of 100mg im being moved to 150mg. Anyone here taken sertraline (zoloft) at 100mg+ did it make them feel any different?

 

[User 479360]

It really sucks. I feel like I'm just barely teetering on the edge of sanity and can't take anymore but of course, more happens.

I know the feeling

My closest family member dealt with cancer for four years, and has just now been deemed cancer free, thankfully. It's been hell for me and they're still deconditioned/needing to exercise to get better. It's hard to see and deal with.

The cancer metastasized to their brain, and three bouts of radiation (two stereotactic focused radiation treatments and one therapeutic area radiation treatment) were required. The latter came after surgery to remove a tumour.

Best of luck with your sister's prognosis. Hopefully it's something that they can treat with one of the methods mentioned above.

I know it's hard, but try to hang in there and message me if you need to talk.

 

[Lionheart1827]

I'm more or less convinced that my family is cursed. My mom has bad arthritis, my sister is schizophrenic and I have fibromyalgia. All three of us are disabled to varying degrees. Today, I'm at mom's and she breaks the news that the doctors think my sister has a brain tumor. She's crying, probably expecting something from me and I just stand there, very aware that my face isn't changing expression. Mostly because I'm so fucked in the head and dead inside that all I can think is how lucky my sister might be, not to have to suffer in this world any longer.

Damnit sorry to hear jbrohammer. Hopefully the tumor is treatable with non evasive or rough means.

 

[~Kinggi~]

2015 the year i kill myself i think. Just less and less things able to distract me from being miserable these days. Went to get drinks after work, cant even fake act being happy anymore. I just see pretty girls and couples and instinctively get depressed. So very fucked after 30 years of this bullshit. very angry.

 

[sadceph2001]

2015 the year i kill myself i think. Just less and less things able to distract me from being miserable these days. Went to get drinks after work, cant even fake act being happy anymore. I just see pretty girls and couples and instinctively get depressed. So very fucked after 30 years of this bullshit. very angry.

sorry to hear buddy, care to talk via pm or steam?

 

[Blackquill]

Since my meds doesn't have any effects and there is no progress to get out of my depression, my therapist cannot find any solution to help me. He adviced me to go to a medical center for a few days to help me cure my depression.

Did it happen for anyone here ? Is it helpful or not ?

 

[User 479360]

Since my meds doesn't have any effects and there is no progress to get out of my depression, my therapist cannot find any solution to help me. He adviced me to go to a medical center for a few days to help me cure my depression.

Did it happen for anyone here ? Is it helpful or not ?

I can't say for sure, but it's something I may try myself since I'm almost in the same boat.

Good luck

 

[Cth]

.