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[Moz La Punk]

I guess I belong here as well. Sorry for not replying on other stories as of yet, I´m new in this thread and want to kick off by telling my story.

I´ve been in an emotional toxic relationship for 4,5 years. We´ve been on-off 10 times already and in 2014 we lived with each other for a year. Basically, each time we got back together it followed a pattern: honeymoon period where the love was intense, emotional flat period where it seemed like everything was 'normal', and then the bad period where we would explode to each other, had a lack of communication, did bad things to each other.

I can tell you, doing that for four years does a number on you. I've been out of the relationship for 6 weeks now and slowly getting my shit together, but its hard. At least I have a good job/income and the house is mine, so that's something I don't have to worry about, but I have all the flags of a depression. Sleeping a lot, waking up more tired, difficult to get out of bed, difficulty to do even small mundane tasks, random thoughts of offing myself sometimes pop up. I'm not that far that I really want to kill myself and I doubt I will ever get there thankfully, but that the thoughts pop up every now and then is a big fat sign.

I'm doing things to get better. Hanging out with friends, sometimes going on a date, trying to get myself out there even if there's a chance I run into my ex. It all helps. I need to do more though. When we were together I could easily go 3/4 times a week to the gym, which gave me a nice feeling and a confidence boost, but I've been slacking the past month. I need to pick it up again. I also need to put more efford in my work before bad results are starting to show. I also go to a therapist every now and then, he also helped me when I was in the relationship and now he's helping me without the relationship.

A pattern we've established is that when I'm single again, I start to adopt a 'persona' of a cynical, depressed person, smoking a lot and being drunk a lot. It is also how I got through my previous break up with my childhood love, but then there was added drugs, which I won't do now (I'm 30 and my body just can't cope with that party lifestyle anymore). I guess its a way to escape my feelings and truly working on my identity. Even though the relationship I was in, was bringing me down and highly destructive, at least it filled in a part of my identity. By being single I feel kind of lost, like I'm invisible or like a ghost. I really need to work on that.

So yeah, that's my story. Still taking it day by day and it's one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Hope to come out of it stronger! Thank you for reading.

 

[charlemagne]

Just had a conversation with somebody who said that medication and therapy are not a fix for mental illness and you just have to 'look inside yourself'. Even denies that therapy could help one do that. I don't know how to combat this kind of ignorance.

 

[darthbob]

hey gaf, this'll might be my last post here so i figure it'd be best to do it at this thread.

in a few days i'm gonna try to succumb to CO inhalation by running my car in my garage, i'm too much of a pussy to try a different method and i dont really want to feel any physical pain, so that kind of limits my options.

i wish therapy and medication helped, but it never did. everything hurts, and i just want it to stop. i hurt so many of my friends that the guilt is tearing me up inside, every day. i just want to make sure that i can't hurt anyone again.

 

[Windam]

hey gaf, this'll might be my last post here so i figure it'd be best to do it at this thread.

in a few days i'm gonna try to succumb to CO inhalation by running my car in my garage, i'm too much of a pussy to try a different method and i dont really want to feel any physical pain, so that kind of limits my options.

i wish therapy and medication helped, but it never did. everything hurts, and i just want it to stop. i hurt so many of my friends that the guilt is tearing me up inside, every day. i just want to make sure that i can't hurt anyone again.

Where do you live, darthbob?

 

[jb1234]

hey gaf, this'll might be my last post here so i figure it'd be best to do it at this thread.

in a few days i'm gonna try to succumb to CO inhalation by running my car in my garage, i'm too much of a pussy to try a different method and i dont really want to feel any physical pain, so that kind of limits my options.

i wish therapy and medication helped, but it never did. everything hurts, and i just want it to stop. i hurt so many of my friends that the guilt is tearing me up inside, every day. i just want to make sure that i can't hurt anyone again.

Unless your car is old as fuck (like before catalytic converters became standard), you're going to find that a very unpleasant and unreliable way to die. You're better off sticking around and fighting.

 

[charlemagne]

hey gaf, this'll might be my last post here so i figure it'd be best to do it at this thread.

in a few days i'm gonna try to succumb to CO inhalation by running my car in my garage, i'm too much of a pussy to try a different method and i dont really want to feel any physical pain, so that kind of limits my options.

i wish therapy and medication helped, but it never did. everything hurts, and i just want it to stop. i hurt so many of my friends that the guilt is tearing me up inside, every day. i just want to make sure that i can't hurt anyone again.

I really hope you don't go through with this. I'll be looking out for a post from you.

 

[Polydeuces]

hey gaf, this'll might be my last post here so i figure it'd be best to do it at this thread.

in a few days i'm gonna try to succumb to CO inhalation by running my car in my garage, i'm too much of a pussy to try a different method and i dont really want to feel any physical pain, so that kind of limits my options.

i wish therapy and medication helped, but it never did. everything hurts, and i just want it to stop. i hurt so many of my friends that the guilt is tearing me up inside, every day. i just want to make sure that i can't hurt anyone again.

Please do not go through this. There are many people you can talk to here.

 

[Kevtones]

Anyone with strictly OCD that received some misinformed diagnoses over the years?

 

[numble]

She was hot and smart, yes. She was very witty. Great values. She was a good cook as well. Until I find someone as good or better, I'm going to have a tough time believing the whole 'not out of the ordinary' thing. How many women go to law school at 20?

Is it a top 7 law school? Otherwise, its not a smart choice, even if free.

 

[User 479360]

The last couple of days were quite bad for me. I've been sleeping a lot, always tired, struggling to get motivation to even shower or work on my backlog (I need to shower to go into my gaming room).

I lay down in bed for hours, pet my cat when I'm awake and am bored but fine when doing so. It's all I feel like doing a lot of the time. Or laying on the couch.

I find that I lay in the fetal position sometimes, but that most often I'm laying with my face half into the pillow. Just thinking when I can't sleep. Too tired to get up. I also sometimes rock a bit in the bed, or do a continual shake type of thing.

A family member commented on how much I've been sleeping. But it's also because I prefer sleep over being awake.

 

[Meicyn]

Anyone have a way of contacting darthbob outside of GAF?

 

[valkillmore]

I cannot shake the belief that my coworkers are talking about me behind my back. They talk shit to me about others at work even though I don't ask or don't pursue such conversations. So I'm of the belief that they're doing the same thing together about me. How do I shake this feeling? First time posting in this thread.

I know if I were to ask them if they were I'd be looked at like I'm crazy. So I don't say anything and just have these thoughts circle in my head all day. I wish I could turn it off.

 

[Gritesh]

Never posted in here before but I think I need to.
My mom had been quite ill for the last 18 months she was battling cancer. She passed away on December 10.
She had cancer in the abdomen and they never found the source.
About 4 or 5 months ago I started having mild discomfort in my abdomen. I went to the doctors and they said it was acid indegestion from being stressed out. The bad part is that I fully convinced myself that I had the same cancer as my mom and I'm going to die from it.
I started having panic attacks and feeling dizzy all the time. I made multiple trips to the doctors and did every single test under the sun for cancer. Barium swallows, ultrasound, x rays and ct scans. All came back clean but none of those results helped me.
I still was/am convinced that I have and will die from cancer.

After mom passed I thought things would get better but they didn't.
I have a 9 month old son at home and even time I look at him I want to cry because all I can think about is all the things I will miss in his life after I die.
I have no joy left in anything anymore and I'm constantly evaluating my body looking for signs of a cancer that I've been told isn't even there.
I think or feel like I'm now a full blown hypochondriac.
I was prescribed buproprion to help deal with the anxiety I was dealing with but I never gave it a chance as it made me feel really fucked up.

I've been having tension headaches now for like 3 months and still getting the occasional stomach pains. I just want my normal life back but it seems like everywhere I turn I'm constantly reminded of cancer.

 

[Windam]

Next stop: rock bottom.

Think I'm going to slip back into suicidal thoughts again...

 

[Exr]

I cannot shake the belief that my coworkers are talking about me behind my back. They talk shit to me about others at work even though I don't ask or don't pursue such conversations. So I'm of the belief that they're doing the same thing together about me. How do I shake this feeling? First time posting in this thread.

I know if I were to ask them if they were I'd be looked at like I'm crazy. So I don't say anything and just have these thoughts circle in my head all day. I wish I could turn it off.

Do you have experiences with paranoia prior? Are you a recreational drug user? If the paranoia isnt justified and if you keep thinking about it I would look into it...how long have you felt this way?

 

[Jackpot]

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=969536

Any advice for this situation would be appreciated. She suffers from long depressive phases, mood swings that can leave her in tears for no reason, and paranoia. Her parents sound like monsters.

 

[User 479360]

Never posted in here before but I think I need to.
My mom had been quite ill for the last 18 months she was battling cancer. She passed away on December 10.
She had cancer in the abdomen and they never found the source.
About 4 or 5 months ago I started having mild discomfort in my abdomen. I went to the doctors and they said it was acid indegestion from being stressed out. The bad part is that I fully convinced myself that I had the same cancer as my mom and I'm going to die from it.
I started having panic attacks and feeling dizzy all the time. I made multiple trips to the doctors and did every single test under the sun for cancer. Barium swallows, ultrasound, x rays and ct scans. All came back clean but none of those results helped me.
I still was/am convinced that I have and will die from cancer.

After mom passed I thought things would get better but they didn't.
I have a 9 month old son at home and even time I look at him I want to cry because all I can think about is all the things I will miss in his life after I die.
I have no joy left in anything anymore and I'm constantly evaluating my body looking for signs of a cancer that I've been told isn't even there.
I think or feel like I'm now a full blown hypochondriac.
I was prescribed buproprion to help deal with the anxiety I was dealing with but I never gave it a chance as it made me feel really fucked up.

I've been having tension headaches now for like 3 months and still getting the occasional stomach pains. I just want my normal life back but it seems like everywhere I turn I'm constantly reminded of cancer.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's passing. As someone who's gone through cancer for several years with a very close family member, I understand the constant nightmare that it is.

If your tests have been clean, try to focus on that. It may be hard, but that's the positive. You don't have cancer, and hopefully won't get it down the road. Just try to fight back the hypochondria. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but just try to make small steps every so often.

Good luck

 

[darthbob]

well guys... against my shittier judgment i (obviously) didn't succeed in my plans. everything was all set up i suppose and while i sat in my car for few minutes the realization that i'd be doing more harm than good came to pass. it's my mom's birthday in a couple of days and finding her dead son's body in her garage would likely scar her for the rest of her life. that was the primary motivator for stopping what i so desperately wanted to do.

i think i'm going to call my therapist and try to talk to him about all this. i'm really sorry to have posted earlier about wanting to end my life, i know that kind of stuff can trigger a negative reaction in others and for that i'm truly remorseful.

for anyone else who struggles with similar thoughts, i hope you find some peace.

 

[Blues1990]

well guys... against my shittier judgment i (obviously) didn't succeed in my plans. everything was all set up i suppose and while i sat in my car for few minutes the realization that i'd be doing more harm than good came to pass. it's my mom's birthday in a couple of days and finding her dead son's body in her garage would likely scar her for the rest of her life. that was the primary motivator for stopping what i so desperately wanted to do.

i think i'm going to call my therapist and try to talk to him about all this. i'm really sorry to have posted earlier about wanting to end my life, i know that kind of stuff can trigger a negative reaction in others and for that i'm truly remorseful.

for anyone else who struggles with similar thoughts, i hope you find some peace.

I’m usually not good with these sort of things, and I’m trying to remember what a friend had told me long ago, so here goes:

When a person commits suicide, there will always be those who claim that it can be viewed as an act of cowardice; an easy way out, in simpler terms. I don’t believe that.

Suicide isn't an act of cowardice, but instead a way to solve a problem that has given the one pain & suffering, & is thus as worthy of an act as anything. When one contemplates suicide, it is never through the lenses of those who are against it, who have never conquered their fear of the unknown to start to think about it, but rather through a lens of one who has been beaten down in life, in such a degree that they can see no other way of relieving their suffering than by taking their own life. Of course, it is a selfish thing to act upon, but it’s no more than those who wish to have the person remain in pain, just for their own pleasure & comfort.

When the person takes their life, they also take a gamble to have a better existence in death, a way to alleviate their suffering & hoping to find inner peace. I have always heard of the argument that state “happiness will shine through your darkest hour” or “things will get better, just you wait”. I find it to be not entirely true, as that way out involves the involvement of people through means & abilities that might not be available to the person at hand. You cannot expect one to live in agony & be content, in the same way you cannot expect one to live in poverty or in a conflict & achieve happiness through such conditions & be content enough to NOT wish to go on to better stages in life. Living through suffering because you are either afraid of death or wishing to stay with people who selfishly want you to stay in pain or you are crucified by those who are afraid of death and thus apathetic to one's suffering.

In life, we are given a choice to do what we desire. If we have a choice of companionship, employment, etcetera, then it’s only fair that we have the choice to lack in all of those & have the ability to end it upon our own terms. Life is the most important gift given to us, as it gives a person a chance to participate in changing the world. But the argument that the world loses the valuable contributions from those that end their lives prematurely is absurd, as it’s fronted by the same people who believe that if one is depressed one is able to (and should) just think happy thoughts and cheer up (and equally absurd notion).

For you, do what you feel is right. Find help and sort things out, but always remember that it’s your choice in the end.

 

[Polydeuces]

well guys... against my shittier judgment i (obviously) didn't succeed in my plans. everything was all set up i suppose and while i sat in my car for few minutes the realization that i'd be doing more harm than good came to pass. it's my mom's birthday in a couple of days and finding her dead son's body in her garage would likely scar her for the rest of her life. that was the primary motivator for stopping what i so desperately wanted to do.

i think i'm going to call my therapist and try to talk to him about all this. i'm really sorry to have posted earlier about wanting to end my life, i know that kind of stuff can trigger a negative reaction in others and for that i'm truly remorseful.

for anyone else who struggles with similar thoughts, i hope you find some peace.

Glad that you're still here. Im in the same boat with these thoughts. Primarily related to academics. I never thought I would feel so competitive with a ton of other students. I dont know why I feel like this. I was never in that competitive mindset when in high school. Maybe it's just the pride being in a reputable institution and doing terrible (which I am doing now) is killing my motivation, self esteem, and focus on my goals. Most of my 3 years have been doing school work, play video games (which I barely find the time to do or have an interest anymore since most of my online friends have been offline for a while), watch videos, and repeat.

I always get the thoughts of "why arent you studying" whenever I do anything non academic related. Its killing me since day 1. I havent taken a semester off where I spent all my summers doing courses because the first time I thought I could get ahead and the second time I retook a few courses because I failed them in a semester. I just cant destress to a point where I feel happy that im taking a break. Just so today I decided to play video games after classes are done. I regret it having wasted so many precious hours of studying I could have done. Also posting on mental health GAF sometimes trigger these thoughts as well. I cant seem to get momentum to keep going; reoccuring thoughts of failure and parnoia are killing me. But at least knowing others are going through tough problems themselves makes me feel less alone.

I noticed I repeat my failures. Gotta fix that too.

SAWAP as always, and everyone too.

 

[charlemagne]

well guys... against my shittier judgment i (obviously) didn't succeed in my plans. everything was all set up i suppose and while i sat in my car for few minutes the realization that i'd be doing more harm than good came to pass. it's my mom's birthday in a couple of days and finding her dead son's body in her garage would likely scar her for the rest of her life. that was the primary motivator for stopping what i so desperately wanted to do.

i think i'm going to call my therapist and try to talk to him about all this. i'm really sorry to have posted earlier about wanting to end my life, i know that kind of stuff can trigger a negative reaction in others and for that i'm truly remorseful.

for anyone else who struggles with similar thoughts, i hope you find some peace.

I'm glad you're still here. That feeling where you decided not to go through with it? Hold on to that. Remember that realisation if you feel low again.

 

[Gritesh]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom's passing. As someone who's gone through cancer for several years with a very close family member, I understand the constant nightmare that it is.

If your tests have been clean, try to focus on that. It may be hard, but that's the positive. You don't have cancer, and hopefully won't get it down the road. Just try to fight back the hypochondria. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but just try to make small steps every so often.

Good luck

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

At times I find when I'm thinking about how I feel I have cancer I find myself telling myself that everything is ok for now and to not worry about it.

It's a weird mental battle going back and forth but I'm hoping with time I can beat these thoughts and get back to a normal life.

 

[jb1234]

What a shitty start to the year. All I do is sleep and dream of my early 20s, before I was locked into survival mode at any cost, where there's little room for normalcy or happiness. It's not like I expected any different. 2012 was bad, 2013 was worse and 2014 was worse than that so we gotta continue the downhill spiral, right?

Okay, I did get hit on (over Facebook, no less) last night, the first time in my life by a member of the same sex. It made me feel sexy and desirable and that's never happened in 34 years. But then, I realized that none of it matters because I'm too sick to be in a relationship and I cried. I'm at the age where this is probably the best I'll ever look. It's all downhill from here, just like everything else in my life.

It's almost 7 PM, I've been awake for four hours and I'm going back to bed. I just don't see any reason to stay awake. My dreams tend to be happier anyway.

 

[kingwingin]

Sometimes I feel so low. I look at thing around me and feel like a fool or owning anything nice. I don't deserve nice things.

So i smash those nice things.

In the last year i've smashed a samsung tablet, 2 vitas, pair of $250 sunglasses. My car as seen the worst of it. Kicked in the fender, punched in the dome light, punched the dashboard lights out, keyed my cars entire left side and took a bat to the trunk.

Don't really need a response, just need to type this up to get it off my chest.

 

[Exr]

well guys... against my shittier judgment i (obviously) didn't succeed in my plans. everything was all set up i suppose and while i sat in my car for few minutes the realization that i'd be doing more harm than good came to pass. it's my mom's birthday in a couple of days and finding her dead son's body in her garage would likely scar her for the rest of her life. that was the primary motivator for stopping what i so desperately wanted to do.

i think i'm going to call my therapist and try to talk to him about all this. i'm really sorry to have posted earlier about wanting to end my life, i know that kind of stuff can trigger a negative reaction in others and for that i'm truly remorseful.

for anyone else who struggles with similar thoughts, i hope you find some peace.

Really happy you posted an update, strange as it sounds reading this turned my shit day around. I wish you all the best and dont feel sorry, just please keep posting here. Good luck man.

 

[Calderc]

So I've just been prescribed Mirtazapine and, to help me sleep, Zopiclone. Anyone got any experience of either?

 

[User 479360]

I’m usually not good with these sort of things, and I’m trying to remember what a friend had told me long ago, so here goes:

When a person commits suicide, there will always be those who claim that it can be viewed as an act of cowardice; an easy way out, in simpler terms. I don’t believe that.

Suicide isn't an act of cowardice, but instead a way to solve a problem that has given the one pain & suffering, & is thus as worthy of an act as anything. When one contemplates suicide, it is never through the lenses of those who are against it, who have never conquered their fear of the unknown to start to think about it, but rather through a lens of one who has been beaten down in life, in such a degree that they can see no other way of relieving their suffering than by taking their own life. Of course, it is a selfish thing to act upon, but it’s no more than those who wish to have the person remain in pain, just for their own pleasure & comfort.

When the person takes their life, they also take a gamble to have a better existence in death, a way to alleviate their suffering & hoping to find inner peace. I have always heard of the argument that state “happiness will shine through your darkest hour” or “things will get better, just you wait”. I find it to be not entirely true, as that way out involves the involvement of people through means & abilities that might not be available to the person at hand. You cannot expect one to live in agony & be content, in the same way you cannot expect one to live in poverty or in a conflict & achieve happiness through such conditions & be content enough to NOT wish to go on to better stages in life. Living through suffering because you are either afraid of death or wishing to stay with people who selfishly want you to stay in pain or you are crucified by those who are afraid of death and thus apathetic to one's suffering.

In life, we are given a choice to do what we desire. If we have a choice of companionship, employment, etcetera, then it’s only fair that we have the choice to lack in all of those & have the ability to end it upon our own terms. Life is the most important gift given to us, as it gives a person a chance to participate in changing the world. But the argument that the world loses the valuable contributions from those that end their lives prematurely is absurd, as it’s fronted by the same people who believe that if one is depressed one is able to (and should) just think happy thoughts and cheer up (and equally absurd notion).

For you, do what you feel is right. Find help and sort things out, but always remember that it’s your choice in the end.

This is honestly how I feel.

That said, I hope that nobody in this thread will commit suicide, and that everyone will be able to find help, solace and, eventually, happiness.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

So I've just been prescribed Mirtazapine and, to help me sleep, Zopiclone. Anyone got any experience of either?

Ah, lunesta (sleep med).Just follow the precautions listed and take on empty stomach.

 

[Bagels]

So I've just been prescribed Mirtazapine and, to help me sleep, Zopiclone. Anyone got any experience of either?

Mirtazapine made me crazy hungry. I basically ate everything in the house, so take some of the food out of your house now to prepare.

 

[Calderc]

Mirtazapine made me crazy hungry. I basically ate everything in the house, so take some of the food out of your house now to prepare.

Haha, to be honest I would be ok with that, I could do with putting on a little weight!

 

[User 479360]

My sister's PSWs seem like they were hand chosen by Satan to drive me insane. I know that's ridiculous to say, but holy fuck.

I appreciate what they do, but they're insanely loud and ignorant to those of us who also live here. They'll come in twice a day - in the morning, sometimes at 7:45 and sometimes at 9am - and at 2pm, on weekdays. It doesn't matter what time it is, though: They slam doors shut, close cupboards and drawers loudly, clang the glass butter dish like it's a fucking musical instrument and talk/laugh like 12 year-old girls at a slumber party.

With my depression getting worse over the last year or more, I've become a light sleeper. It used to be that I could sleep through vacuuming, or as some say, a bomb going off, but I can't do that now. And I have insomnia sometimes, too. So, I'll sometimes get to sleep at 7 and be up an hour or two later when they're here.

It drives me fucking nuts.

I'm not the only one sleeping when they come, but I'm the one who sleeps the lightest. Others have complained, but are afraid to say anything out of fear of making them cry or losing the necessary service. Two have to come to help each day, and one has been coming for years. She's loud.

I wrote a note once and they sent it to the office and complained to my old man and I was told not to air concerns to them anymore. It was a polite note, just asking them to be quieter and to vacuum up if the wheelchair brought in dirt from outside. It's part of the job description - I've checked. I got sick of having to walk on dirt and eventually vacuum the floors after them being here. Sometimes it would be right after our cleaning lady had washed them. All the PSW would do is walk behind the chair and sweep a towel back and forth, throwing shit all over.

I've been festering inside about this for a while. It annoys the Hell out of me. I can't move out, but can't get a good night's sleep here because of those fucking idiots. They cackle, giggle, talk, etc. like hens and it's like nails on a chalkboard. I respect what they do, but fuck.

We've had other providers in here, and those PSWs are a lot quieter and more professional. But it doesn't seem to matter who comes in from that one - they're all loud. Hell, we were sitting at the table on Christmas Day and one slammed the bathroom door so loudly the fucking house almost shook.

 

[Team Alucard]

I've been so desperate to find an immediate reason to keep living that I've applied for Life Insurance. I was always under the impression that if you killed yourself, no benefits would be awarded as it would be too easy to game the system that way. But I actually did some research the other day and found that the suicide clause for most insurance policies only applies to the first 2 years. After the first 2 years are up, your insurer can't deny benefits even if you do kill yourself.

And who knows, maybe 2 years from now things will have gotten better. If not, then the thought of providing a life-changing sum of money for my immediate family will hopefully be enough motivation to actually end it. My life has been worthless, but there's no reason my death has to be.

 

[revolverjgw]

Sometimes I feel so low. I look at thing around me and feel like a fool or owning anything nice. I don't deserve nice things.

So i smash those nice things.

In the last year i've smashed a samsung tablet, 2 vitas, pair of $250 sunglasses. My car as seen the worst of it. Kicked in the fender, punched in the dome light, punched the dashboard lights out, keyed my cars entire left side and took a bat to the trunk.

Don't really need a response, just need to type this up to get it off my chest.

How do you feel after you do this? And what makes you do this, do you have to get into a rage or other emotional state of mind first, or is it a choice you're kind of in control of?

 

[Smiley90]

Hey guys, just checking in here after a while

Since I started Nardil 2 months ago, I've been

a) feeling a LOT less anxious
b) have started to be able to go to sleep earlier AND get up in the morning 10mins after/even BEFORE my alarm rings (vs. 2-3hours of snooze earlier)
c) am better able to make small-talk with people I don't know well (or even people I know well...)
d) gained 15 pounds (.. that's good, I went from 115 to 130...), likely due to...
e) MUCH increased appetite
f) My IBS has oddly enough become much better too. Probably also related to being less stressed and my gut can thus relax a bit more?

Nardil is a MAOI so I'm not supposed to eat a lot of things but I've actually not noticed my dietary restrictions AT ALL and I can even eat small amounts of the things I'm not supposed to eat (e.g. dried meats), so it's all great.

Only side-effect(s) I've noticed are like I mentioned the weight gain (but that might be because I'm either less anxious AND have more appetite more than it is a side-effect) and sexual dysfunction (but I don't really care, my sex drive in general is down so it's not like it's something that's bothering me extremely much right now.) It also takes me a bit more effort to pee (very odd), but no big deal.


Overall, after having tried... like... 4/5 other meds over the entire last year, Nardil 10/10 would recommend again. It also only took about a month for a noticeable improvement, 2 months later and I still wonder every day I wake up how I got here.

There's obviously still a lot of work ahead of me and I'll be on these meds for a long time, but there's some improvement at least.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

That's great!

 

[sasliquid]

Hey this is my first post here but I think it's been a bit overdue

My depression started about late 2010 related to university applications but with a lot of underlying issues in a lack of self worth, social anxiety and the like. Over the last year or so I'm happy to say I've seen a clear improvement although I have occasional rough patches and am on/off the meds.

Sadly my partner is suffering more than me over the last year and had to take a break from studying making our relationship temporarily long distance-ish. She's gone through a lot but has, from my perspective, been making slow progress. However tonight has been very hard as its looks like her cat she got just a few months ago was hit by a car and passed away. The cat meant a lot to her. I'm taking a train to she her later but having to balance a masters, part time work and supporting her is obviously difficult and grief has led to her saying some worrying things. Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks and it's great we have a support community here

 

[Bagels]

Hey guys, just checking in here after a while

Since I started Nardil 2 months ago, I've been

a) feeling a LOT less anxious
b) have started to be able to go to sleep earlier AND get up in the morning 10mins after/even BEFORE my alarm rings (vs. 2-3hours of snooze earlier)
c) am better able to make small-talk with people I don't know well (or even people I know well...)
d) gained 15 pounds (.. that's good, I went from 115 to 130...), likely due to...
e) MUCH increased appetite
f) My IBS has oddly enough become much better too. Probably also related to being less stressed and my gut can thus relax a bit more?

Nardil is a MAOI so I'm not supposed to eat a lot of things but I've actually not noticed my dietary restrictions AT ALL and I can even eat small amounts of the things I'm not supposed to eat (e.g. dried meats), so it's all great.

Only side-effect(s) I've noticed are like I mentioned the weight gain (but that might be because I'm either less anxious AND have more appetite more than it is a side-effect) and sexual dysfunction (but I don't really care, my sex drive in general is down so it's not like it's something that's bothering me extremely much right now.) It also takes me a bit more effort to pee (very odd), but no big deal.


Overall, after having tried... like... 4/5 other meds over the entire last year, Nardil 10/10 would recommend again. It also only took about a month for a noticeable improvement, 2 months later and I still wonder every day I wake up how I got here.

There's obviously still a lot of work ahead of me and I'll be on these meds for a long time, but there's some improvement at least.

That's awesome, Smiley! My experience with the MAOI Parnate has been pretty similar. I do have an issue with anxiety if I don't take make doses at exactly the same time every day (I seem to get anxious about 8 hours after a dose, which is when I take my second dose). I've found the diet to be easier to follow than advertised, too. It's other medications that give me grief.

Glad it's working out! It's a bummer docs are so reluctant to prescribe MAOIs. I get why, but they work fast and they seem to really do the trick for some people.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

What a shitty start to the year. All I do is sleep and dream of my early 20s, before I was locked into survival mode at any cost, where there's little room for normalcy or happiness. It's not like I expected any different. 2012 was bad, 2013 was worse and 2014 was worse than that so we gotta continue the downhill spiral, right?

Okay, I did get hit on (over Facebook, no less) last night, the first time in my life by a member of the same sex. It made me feel sexy and desirable and that's never happened in 34 years. But then, I realized that none of it matters because I'm too sick to be in a relationship and I cried. I'm at the age where this is probably the best I'll ever look. It's all downhill from here, just like everything else in my life.

It's almost 7 PM, I've been awake for four hours and I'm going back to bed. I just don't see any reason to stay awake. My dreams tend to be happier anyway.

I've struggled with thoughts of wanting to be younger myself.
It comes from a place (I think) of having an expectation of how things should be. The keyword here is expectation. You have an expectation of how things should be, your day-dreaming about a period that has passed, and you sound anxious about your current age slipping away.

The truth of the matter is, that we cannot get caught up in our own perceptions of time, and when we are supposed to do this and that. There are plenty of people who find their sexy self later in life. Particularly for men, who tend to age more gracefully.

You have some regrets (it sounds like) but that time has passed. What you have to do now,(from what I can tell) is - With your 34 body, ask yourself - What can you do from this point on, to change that direction. You've experienced regret and hopelessness that people who have had an easier dating life, can't simply grasp. That means you know something they don't, and never can know, but you know it. And what you can do with that life experience, is not to take it for granted.

Affection and appreciation is something we all desperately need. It's great you got some positive feedback. Even if it took all these years, it's still a win. Think of what you can do, if you proactively start working towards being a better you, for the rest of your 30s, your 40s and so on.
There are many expectations and ideas of how our lives are supposed to unfold. I struggle with my own related to not being able to find my way in careers and education, and I keep shifting, and I too can get hit my a form of anexiety - It's too late. I can't find a path. It's too late to build a career. They won't hire me because of my gap and mistakes and wasting of time.

But we don't gain anything by letting this overpower us. It might be justified regret, and true pain. But the fact that we know. The fact that we know, that we would have acted differently, is the same as acknowleding you have the power, to change it moving forward.
It's the definition of a diseased mind, to repeat a pattern you know is not going to work, according to einstein. There is some personal responsibility here.
But I think it starts with breathing heavily. Relax. Keep calm and, write it all down. Write down, what you need to do change yourself in such a way, that if you where a chick on facebook who came across your profile, that you would want to engage and meet that person. Figure out what it is you want to be to be more attractive. Don't judge your worth on looks. It's great to improve your physique and all that, but there are so much more to becoming an attractive person.
And even if you are sick, and you are struggling with demons, and are not ready to date. Do it for yourself. That person of you in his young 20s doesn't know shit compared to what you know now. If you could hang out with a version of yourself that was 22 years old, I am sure you would want to facepalm yourself to death because of all the shit your younger you would say.




I'm not a psychologist, but it seems to me, that one of the biggest paradoxes of depression, is that it your brain telling you, that something is wrong. Something is not right. Regardless if the funnel, is exterior, biologically, chemically or interior. If it comes from abuse, disappointment, guilt, shame, bad habits, physical or mental turmoil, instability, or other circumstances which cripple your capacity to be happy and free, it is your brain trying to tell you something is not right, and change is needed.
The paradox seems to be (from what I've observed in my life) that it makes your body feel incapable of taking action and doing changes. Sleeping a lot is one of the biggest indicators of someone who is depressed. You don't deal with making changes, because you would rather sleep. I know this from my own life, and it's a bad place to fall into.

 

[demon]

Hey guys, just checking in here after a while

Since I started Nardil 2 months ago, I've been

a) feeling a LOT less anxious
b) have started to be able to go to sleep earlier AND get up in the morning 10mins after/even BEFORE my alarm rings (vs. 2-3hours of snooze earlier)
c) am better able to make small-talk with people I don't know well (or even people I know well...)
d) gained 15 pounds (.. that's good, I went from 115 to 130...), likely due to...
e) MUCH increased appetite
f) My IBS has oddly enough become much better too. Probably also related to being less stressed and my gut can thus relax a bit more?

Nardil is a MAOI so I'm not supposed to eat a lot of things but I've actually not noticed my dietary restrictions AT ALL and I can even eat small amounts of the things I'm not supposed to eat (e.g. dried meats), so it's all great.

Only side-effect(s) I've noticed are like I mentioned the weight gain (but that might be because I'm either less anxious AND have more appetite more than it is a side-effect) and sexual dysfunction (but I don't really care, my sex drive in general is down so it's not like it's something that's bothering me extremely much right now.) It also takes me a bit more effort to pee (very odd), but no big deal.


Overall, after having tried... like... 4/5 other meds over the entire last year, Nardil 10/10 would recommend again. It also only took about a month for a noticeable improvement, 2 months later and I still wonder every day I wake up how I got here.

There's obviously still a lot of work ahead of me and I'll be on these meds for a long time, but there's some improvement at least.

That's cool man. I'm having a similar experience after being on Zoloft for a couple months, minus the weight gain and IBS stuff. So many negative stories out there but these meds really can work.

 

[User 479360]

Glad to hear you're doing a lot better, Smiley!

I didn't eat anything yesterday, and got in shit for it today. I don't know why - I just didn't feel like it until it was bedtime and I decided to just go to bed instead. I don't have much of an appetite today, and feel like shit, but I ate an apple and had a couple of pieces of chocolate.

Of course, I've had a few pops over the last couple of days. I'm kind of addicted (for lack of a better term) to Coke and Pepsi. Had some coffee, too.

 

[Sou]

Glad to hear you're doing a lot better, Smiley!

I didn't eat anything yesterday, and got in shit for it today. I don't know why - I just didn't feel like it until it was bedtime and I decided to just go to bed instead. I don't have much of an appetite today, and feel like shit, but I ate an apple and had a couple of pieces of chocolate.

Of course, I've had a few pops over the last couple of days. I'm kind of addicted (for lack of a better term) to Coke and Pepsi. Had some coffee, too.

I don't know if you are living with someone who can help you prepare food, but having the right nutrition is essential if you want to start getting back on the right track. It will not be the solution but it will dramatically improve your mental state much quicker than you expect.
It is best when they are not processed junk food.

 

[User 479360]

I don't know if you are living with someone who can help you prepare food, but having the right nutrition is essential if you want to start getting back on the right track. It will not be the solution but it will dramatically improve your mental state much quicker than you expect.
It is best when they are not processed junk food.

I usually eat supper with my family, and sometimes eat other meals. However, I do eat chips from time to time, and also like cereal quite a bit.

Our meals are usually very balanced and well made. Very rarely are they reheated or processed.

Thank you for your concern, though. I usually eat, I promise. I just haven't felt like it for the last 36 hours.

 

[Windam]

Thousands of dollars spent on uni this year to get 2 D+s and a failed class last semester. Doing a class (well, half of it) for the second time around, and still messing up; I got 28% on a midterm worth 30% of my grade. My GPA went from a 3.44 to a 2.67 and I can't snap out of it. School was all I had going for me; no hobbies, no job, no gf, inconsistent social life, too physically weak for sports etc. Now depression has taken everything away. I'm worried, but at the same time I find myself going "fuck it" when I don't want to be. I just hole myself up in my room and sit in front of the computer or go to sleep. I'll have a textbook open and not even bother glancing it. I don't know what's wrong with me.

What do I do?

 

[Various Artists]

Thousands of dollars spent on uni this year to get 2 D+s and a failed class last semester. Doing a class (well, half of it) for the second time around, and still messing up; I got 28% on a midterm worth 30% of my grade. My GPA went from a 3.44 to a 2.67 and I can't snap out of it. School was all I had going for me; no hobbies, no job, no gf, inconsistent social life, too physically weak for sports etc. Now depression has taken everything away. I'm worried, but at the same time I find myself going "fuck it" when I don't want to be. I just hole myself up in my room and sit in front of the computer or go to sleep. I'll have a textbook open and not even bother glancing it. I don't know what's wrong with me.

What do I do?

Take a walk, realize things will get better and then get back to your studies!

 

[jufonuk]

just had a massive fight with my wife and stuff then she says she hates me cos i drive her mental, ffs , i feel like i hurt everyone,sometimes i just dont wnana hurt or hurt anyone else or mess up i dont know what to do:'(

everytime we argue it always gets to this, today i did some mindfulness course to help me out, tonight i argue and it goes wrong im such a fuck up, i feel a failure

 

[charlemagne]

Thousands of dollars spent on uni this year to get 2 D+s and a failed class last semester. Doing a class (well, half of it) for the second time around, and still messing up; I got 28% on a midterm worth 30% of my grade. My GPA went from a 3.44 to a 2.67 and I can't snap out of it. School was all I had going for me; no hobbies, no job, no gf, inconsistent social life, too physically weak for sports etc. Now depression has taken everything away. I'm worried, but at the same time I find myself going "fuck it" when I don't want to be. I just hole myself up in my room and sit in front of the computer or go to sleep. I'll have a textbook open and not even bother glancing it. I don't know what's wrong with me.

What do I do?

Little steps. Don't think about needing to study for 5+ hours, just commit yourself to 10 minutes. You might find at the end of that 10 minutes you feel the momentum to keep going. If not, at least you've done 10 minutes!

 

[Polydeuces]

Thousands of dollars spent on uni this year to get 2 D+s and a failed class last semester. Doing a class (well, half of it) for the second time around, and still messing up; I got 28% on a midterm worth 30% of my grade. My GPA went from a 3.44 to a 2.67 and I can't snap out of it. School was all I had going for me; no hobbies, no job, no gf, inconsistent social life, too physically weak for sports etc. Now depression has taken everything away. I'm worried, but at the same time I find myself going "fuck it" when I don't want to be. I just hole myself up in my room and sit in front of the computer or go to sleep. I'll have a textbook open and not even bother glancing it. I don't know what's wrong with me.

What do I do?

Write things down, then start doing each of them. Also try finding someone who you can study with. Do some exercise in the morning. Listen to songs you like.

 

[Blues1990]

I've been having recurring nightmares for the past month, and with the lack of sleep from waking up from said nightmares, I feel like a wreck. One was in which my former friend was ridiculing me about all the things I have done, and I'm going to die a lonely man, because I don't learn from my mistakes. Another nightmare was when my two former friends had knocked me out, and then they dropped me into a pot full of boiling oil.

I keep saying to myself that these dreams are not real, but with all the problems & insecurities that I have, I can't dream of anything pleasant. I can't go on like this.

Can anyone help me?

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

So its not a unique problem, being unable to get up and go to college?
Like, I get every morning, shower, dress, I'm ready to go, but I just can't do it. I feel so anxious like I'm gonna be sick, and I just can't make myself go in. I've missed nearly two weeks now.

 

[RayMaker]

So its not a unique problem, being unable to get up and go to college?
Like, I get every morning, shower, dress, I'm ready to go, but I just can't do it. I feel so anxious like I'm gonna be sick, and I just can't make myself go in. I've missed nearly two weeks now.

Its hard, but no matter how anxious you feel its best to go, if u stay at home its not going to make things better, good luck.