A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Polydeuces
Member
The only thing about GPA that I like is when you fail, your GPA is down to what the lowest it can be. If it was based on pure grades, then I would have definitely been kicked out.
About moving forward and dealing with harder courses; there are TAs and professors who are welcome to help you. You just have to go for it. Arrange a personal meeting if you have to. Find someone or a group of people in your classes who you could talk to. Talking to strangers is going to be very daunting but you just got to go with it. You had enough of failing classes, you got to do something every day even if its something as small as asking a question at least you did something.
About being too comfortable at home; I work at home as well. I slack off a ton and get frustrated when I start my assignments when I knew I could start it before. Ive had this multiple times and it lowered my motivation a lot. What made me move forward is that I cant change the past; it has been done. You got to forgive yourself first if you feel bad about it and move on and do whatever you need to pass your courses. Reward yourself even if you did something as small as write a few bullet points from your lectures. Time your studying and take a break in between. It works for me somewhat but at least I get something done. Sometimes I might feel bad for taking the break but in the long run you got to trust that it will keep you studying longer for the day. If you're not satisfied with your studying because you're stuck or want to keep going more but your body is feeling the strain then you'll need to relax a bit more in your study breaks or find some way to get help.
About you making your life hard; I think everyone in college feels those times when they arent putting enough effort or when they're doing bad its because its their fault. Partly but not fully. Everyone has their circumstances with their poor choices and bad decisions but the point everyone shares is how they react to it. You just got to push on. Get angry if you have to. Finding your reason why you still want to get through this may be a start;
Negative talk is very easy to seep into your mind.Same goes for everyone when they feel inadequate. Try writing down whatever you felt was successful or at least what you survived. You said you passed a few courses, that could be a good start. At least you dont to retake the course ever again. Find some positive things you found throughout your life and write it down.
This was all written in one go but hopefully you get better. Im in a similar boat. Im constantly dealing with bringing my past and not focusing on the present. Its hard to work hard for the future when you've done something in the past and its so clear to see it because you've done and hard to imagine a future you want because you dont know if you can get there with your setbacks. You just got to push forward.
Hope you get better.
MisterLuffy
Member
Thanks. I'll try.
If you talk to a regular doc in a walk-in clinic you might get something short-term like a benzo to get you over until the 7th.
Empyrean Heaven
Member
So guys, I'm finding a new problem. Impulsivity. Not thinking before I do things. How do you fix it?
This is a problem I have too. I've gotten better at it by talking over big decisions with close friends before making them.
Empyrean Heaven
Member
It's not the big decisions, it's the small quick ones. I know, everyone makes mistakes, but I KEEP MAKING THEM. And I know "Oh I shouldn't worry about it" but, dammit, in my opinion, you get one chance. You blow it, you don't blow it again.
I honestly wished I had a job/lifestyle that allowed me to smoke weed all the time. I know developing a tolerance and a dependence can be an issue, but weed just does it all for me. It helps me sleep like nothing else, it helps me relax and calms my anxiety, it helps me be interested in things when normally finding an interest in anything can be a problem (I actually spent a couple hours going down a wiki rabbithole of retirement saving and tax law articles and learned a few things as I was working on my budget), and it makes it easier to think lucidy and have more creative thoughts. It would just be so nice if I could smoke up- not necessarily all the time- but any time I wanted to. I should move to Denver and become self-employed...
DamageControl
Member
I think I'm suffering from depression since the last few months. It's mostly related to my job as I am doing something I have no interest in and I am not good at it which makes it worse. I have little to no self-esteem left and I can't remember the last time I felt like I accomplished something. This is taking a huge toll on my mental state and has made me lose all of my self-confidence. I've been trying to find a new job but I haven't been able to so far. I don't want to quit this job because I'm afraid I will feel worse sitting at home doing nothing and knowing that I failed in what I set out to do. So I'm continuing to do this job and I've been knocked down so many times, that I think I'm on the verge of breaking now. I feel like a rubber band that's been stretched too much and is about to snap.I have a wife and son and I don't want to feel like I let them down so I don't want to just quit like that.
I need to feel like I can be good at something. It's been such a long time since I felt that.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind here. There aren't a lot of people I can say this stuff to.
I need to feel like I can be good at something. It's been such a long time since I felt that.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind here. There aren't a lot of people I can say this stuff to.
GoodCoffeeJoey
Banned
You could go to a Emergency room. They should be able to help you there.
I feel like I'm letting everyone down. 2014 was a shit year for me, really, although I changed in a lot of ways. I got my business off the ground, started to discover who I am and why I'm here, met some amazing people - yet it wasn't enough. My depression got worse. My doctor upped my Zopiclone to 7.5mg to help me sleep better, but they didn't work and still don't. I told myself going into the new year that 2015 WILL be better. It's not. Work is slow, I lost contact with my friends, I don't know who I am. I managed to cut down the drinking before New Year but, fuck, the temptation is so strong right now.
Hello everyone. I don't post a lot, hence my junior status, but now I need to, I need help. I feel like I have to vent. I don't think I have any interest in my job, but I have to work there all day long under stress. I live in my parent's house far away from my friends, so when I come home after work I have no one to see, I spend my night on GAF, Youtube etc. I tried to play guitar again in order to occupy myself but I've lost interest, I can't even stay focused when I want to play videogames and that's what made me realize I may have an issue, that and the fact I lost more than 30lbs since august. Also, I had a girlfriend since may and she broke up with me around october saying we were not a couple anymore but it was like we were still together, we saw each other almost every weeks, the feelings were still alive, we were talking almost every day, sexy times happened every time, in short it was like nothing happened. But in december she decided to not talk to me anymore, it hit me very hard since she was the only one I could talk to.
Since this shitty event, I tried to read more, play guitar, video games more, anything that could help me occupy my brain but I can't keep the motivation more than 15 min. I tried a lot of things. InfinityPatriot's thread about his breakup helped me a bit, I read the answers he got to find a solution for my pain, but nope. The pain I feel is really hard to handle, I feel abandoned and I don't see anything that could ease it, the whole situation I'm in seems to be a mess.
Thank you for reading
Since this shitty event, I tried to read more, play guitar, video games more, anything that could help me occupy my brain but I can't keep the motivation more than 15 min. I tried a lot of things. InfinityPatriot's thread about his breakup helped me a bit, I read the answers he got to find a solution for my pain, but nope. The pain I feel is really hard to handle, I feel abandoned and I don't see anything that could ease it, the whole situation I'm in seems to be a mess.
Thank you for reading
I'm not a native speaker so there may be mistakes
This is the first time I've ever put these thoughts down, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I find myself unhappy at my job, even though I was happy with it just last year. I've always been kind of a loner, and I've never really kept a lot of friends, haven't been in many relationships, and I'm normally okay with this but lately this hasn't been true. There's just this crushing feeling of loneliness and despair that won't go away and I feel like picking up and just running away from everything.
If you don't mind me asking - what is it about being high that makes life better?
That's one of the more interesting questions a psychiatrist has ever asked me. I had a hardcore dependence on the stuff for a while in late college and I figured it out it was because smoking weed made me able to concentrate more fully on whatever was in front of me without all of the usual noise making everything anxious and miserable. It was temporary, of course, but for those 30-40 minutes of peak effect I could finally ignore the big picture and just pay attention to whatever was within my view, easing my existential anxiety.
Of course, using it regularly made me more anxious when I wasn't high so it wasn't a good deal. But thinking about why I wanted to be high both illuminated my issues and gave me a clue on where to go next to make my life more pleasant without having to smoke weed. For myself pursuing meditative and mindfulness practice has strengthened my ability to stay present, engage with what's in front of me and be more at peace with the noise, and thus has removed most of my desire to smoke weed. I never meant to quit, I just did one day.
SniperHunter
Banned
life after anxiety is very hard. I am 30 years old and I had debilitating anxiety problems throughout my teens and 20's which effected all aspects of my life (from love to grades). There was a time when I couldn't even leave the house or go to the mall...now that it has gone away for good, I am broken man and life is hard.
Graduated in 2009 with a business degree/diploma which I had no interest in (only attended due to parental pressure since i didn't know what i wanted to do after high school). worked at the airport as a security guard since graduation. wasted more money by getting this bank cert even though I knew I couldn't work at a bank due to the anxiety issues. Later, discovered I should have gotten into computer programming and math instead of business.
my resume is filled with gaps, i have no connections no network, all my friends have raced past me. i want to go back to school for a computer science degree (even a second degree) but my finances are a complete fucking mess. plus, the airport security gig ended last year, as the boss's wife wasn't paying salary on time (she still owes me $2000).
i code every day, i review math concepts, i read A+, network+ or ccna material, but i can't pursue any of it without $$$
i am fucked, so yea anxiety fucking sucks
Graduated in 2009 with a business degree/diploma which I had no interest in (only attended due to parental pressure since i didn't know what i wanted to do after high school). worked at the airport as a security guard since graduation. wasted more money by getting this bank cert even though I knew I couldn't work at a bank due to the anxiety issues. Later, discovered I should have gotten into computer programming and math instead of business.
my resume is filled with gaps, i have no connections no network, all my friends have raced past me. i want to go back to school for a computer science degree (even a second degree) but my finances are a complete fucking mess. plus, the airport security gig ended last year, as the boss's wife wasn't paying salary on time (she still owes me $2000).
i code every day, i review math concepts, i read A+, network+ or ccna material, but i can't pursue any of it without $$$
i am fucked, so yea anxiety fucking sucks
Polydeuces
Member
Pressure of assignments, catching up material, and anything else academic related is getting to me. Frequent breaks are good and everything but I want to work harder in a sense. I always get tired at 9pm but knowing that tommorow is coming soon sucks. At least I got something done. I might just be too hard on myself which is a usual thing these days. Its hard to stay positive...
SAWAP as always.
SAWAP as always.
MisterLuffy
Member
Working really hard will get you good results. Sucks that I don't have the drive to work hard. I'm always hard on myself too because I feel like that I'm not doing my best. I agree, stuff like this makes it hard to stay positive.
I wish my classes were just Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or just Tuesday and Thursday. Hate going to school everyday.
rrvv
Member
Something to do with university. Honestly is trivial stuff but the anxiety killing me like for no that I can understand.
I am simply angry and sa at same time
How old are you?
23, did I sound childish?
I didn't want to bitch around and complain for nothing, I needed to vent.Does your school have a medical center that you could call about counseling? It might help for you to just have someone to talk to, or help you get anxiety meds if necessary.
I know the feeling of high anxiety and stress in college, it's rough.
I hate the financial side of things. As if mental illness wasn't bad enough, money onlnly makes things worse. A few months ago, I had to go to the welfare company for a check-up and it was horrible. They almost treat you like a criminal. I should mention that, at this point, I was finally getting help after dealing with all of this for three years on my own. That part is obviously my mistake, but as I was finally starting to be optimistic, the woman who worked there instantly dragged me down.
I tried to tell her about my situation while not disclosing the more personal stuff. I mean... you're not gonna tell this random stranger about the shit you deal with. Impossible. It's already hard enough with a professional psychologist. She wasn't having any of it tho. I told her I wasn't 100% sure which (mental) illness I was suffering from (didn't have a true diagnosis yet) and that only made things worse. She basically told me she was gonna file a negative report straight to my face. That I wasn't gonna get money for 6 months.
At that point, it took all of my strength not to lash out at this person. OCD has ruined my life. It has ruined my potential IT degree and my career options. And here I was... getting bullied at for a meagre 400 a month. It's nothing. I give half of that to my parents too. The rest is used for my psychologist/psychiatrist and I maybe have ~100 left. I seriously wanted to die after that conversation. Just disappear from the world. I felt like dirt. Like a beggar being denied his money.
I was really tired of the "Us vs Them" feeling I got whenever I shared my mental illness problems with anyone. People view you differently. If you don't have a job because of "mental illness", you're a lazy scumbag apparently. So sick of that train of thought. And a lot of people think like that. It made me realize how much this world truly revolves around money and working your ass off just to live/survive. It's like people are secretly jealous you "can't" work because you're depressed. It's stupid. I wish I had a decent job and my own apartment. Sick of still living at home (22 now) with 400. And my parents increased the rent to 300 for a few months too. Barely have anything left now.
There was hope though. I passed my exams and jury for a nice job at a government company. I felt positive again. But then, about two weeks ago, I received a letter in which they say too many applicants have been accepted and there are not enough spots. So now I'm in limbo again. I have no idea how long the wait is. Could be weeks. Could be months. All the while I'm feeling worse again.
I need a major turnaround in my life. A lot of my OCD/depression problems are related to the house I live in. The people I live with. And it's only getting worse. I need to get out. But I don't have the money. I'm actually contemplating checking myself into a mental hospital. One of my friends did it and came out better than ever. But I don't really want to do that... doing that would mean my entire family would find out...
I tried to tell her about my situation while not disclosing the more personal stuff. I mean... you're not gonna tell this random stranger about the shit you deal with. Impossible. It's already hard enough with a professional psychologist. She wasn't having any of it tho. I told her I wasn't 100% sure which (mental) illness I was suffering from (didn't have a true diagnosis yet) and that only made things worse. She basically told me she was gonna file a negative report straight to my face. That I wasn't gonna get money for 6 months.
At that point, it took all of my strength not to lash out at this person. OCD has ruined my life. It has ruined my potential IT degree and my career options. And here I was... getting bullied at for a meagre 400 a month. It's nothing. I give half of that to my parents too. The rest is used for my psychologist/psychiatrist and I maybe have ~100 left. I seriously wanted to die after that conversation. Just disappear from the world. I felt like dirt. Like a beggar being denied his money.
I was really tired of the "Us vs Them" feeling I got whenever I shared my mental illness problems with anyone. People view you differently. If you don't have a job because of "mental illness", you're a lazy scumbag apparently. So sick of that train of thought. And a lot of people think like that. It made me realize how much this world truly revolves around money and working your ass off just to live/survive. It's like people are secretly jealous you "can't" work because you're depressed. It's stupid. I wish I had a decent job and my own apartment. Sick of still living at home (22 now) with 400. And my parents increased the rent to 300 for a few months too. Barely have anything left now.
There was hope though. I passed my exams and jury for a nice job at a government company. I felt positive again. But then, about two weeks ago, I received a letter in which they say too many applicants have been accepted and there are not enough spots. So now I'm in limbo again. I have no idea how long the wait is. Could be weeks. Could be months. All the while I'm feeling worse again.
I need a major turnaround in my life. A lot of my OCD/depression problems are related to the house I live in. The people I live with. And it's only getting worse. I need to get out. But I don't have the money. I'm actually contemplating checking myself into a mental hospital. One of my friends did it and came out better than ever. But I don't really want to do that... doing that would mean my entire family would find out...
Polydeuces
Member
I got class everyday but I have only 1-3 hrs of lecture in the middle of the day which is annoying when I want to work at home or in the labs.
Onto the work ethic you mentioned;I think even with the "work hard" attitude still wont cut it if you don't efficiently work. I feel as though I make too much work for myself when studying such as remaking lecture notes when I could just easily review them and end up wasting alot of time doing memorization instead of practicing or doing assignments.
In a related note, I realized my work for an assignment isnt working out and its due friday. Im freaking out a little but im slowly trying to crawl my way back. But the constant errors im getting is motivating me less and less. I dont even have a specific plan on what to do. (This is my programming course btw so I know some people can relate to me on this) I am asking friends and etc but I think im getting too selfish in which I feel like ending up asking what they did and if it works then ill follow them too.
I feel I cheated myself of a good education from my college when I get to these points. Being frustrated with classes is common for me and so I feel like crap and getting back into the hang of things is extremely hard for me to do.
I just got to believe in myself right? Right? ....
charlemagne
Member
Yep. That and keep trying!
So much easier said than done. I have a chemistry test on Thursday. I just finished reading one of the two chapters it's going to be on. I have yet to do any practice problems for either of the chapters; I can hardly motivate myself to read.
Polydeuces
Member
I agree on this as well. Not saying that its bad for having someone rooting for you but sometimes I feel those positive responses when feeling down are not genuine. It is probably just my mind playing games but I rarely get the response of "well why dont you do something about it" which I can understand why because its not really that positive or motivating compared to what was said above. Im always swinging between getting positive thoughts so that when I feel really down then positive thoughts are welcoming but when Im "happy" getting the "kick in the head" thoughts would push more further and not be too comfortable with my daily life.
smokeandmirrors
Banned
Here I am finally having graduated and now whenever I think about having to apply for jobs and brushing up on some topics I've neglected I just shut down and anxiety and stress takes over to the point where I don't do anything at all. I know I need to seek help but I just shut down when it comes to doing that for some reason. I dont have any reason to get up. My self esteem is shit. I eat like shit. I have student loans coming up in 6 months. I don't even know how i managed to pass and graduate college. I feel like I didn't learn anything.
My anxiety is really ruining my life and in turn is making me depressed and it's just a carousel of anxiety and feeling empty 24/7/365.
My anxiety is really ruining my life and in turn is making me depressed and it's just a carousel of anxiety and feeling empty 24/7/365.
I know it's probably a broken record when people say this, but have you tried making an appointment with your doctor or a therapist to talk about your anxiety? Anxiety and depression are real conditions, just like an illness and you can be treated even though it seems really scary and hopeless.
I hope things get better for you.
Polydeuces
Member
Im afraid I might get to this stage as well when Im done with college. Im 3 years into my degree and im already starting to get these kinds of pressures. As others said making an appointment with someone who you can talk to is a good first step. Stay strong, you can make it through.
charlemagne
Member
Sorry, I didn't mean to come across as condescending or simplistic. I have no way of proving it to you, but I really don't think it's as easy as just deciding or wanting to do something. I was just hoping to get across that somebody is rooting for you and even the smallest amount of progress is still progress.
Polydeuces
Member
I understand. I find it hard to see what I made today to be good in the long run when all I want is to get what I want immediately. Patience is something I should work on.
MisterLuffy
Member
I got class everyday but I have only 1-3 hrs of lecture in the middle of the day which is annoying when I want to work at home or in the labs.
Onto the work ethic you mentioned;I think even with the "work hard" attitude still wont cut it if you don't efficiently work. I feel as though I make too much work for myself when studying such as remaking lecture notes when I could just easily review them and end up wasting alot of time doing memorization instead of practicing or doing assignments.
In a related note, I realized my work for an assignment isnt working out and its due friday. Im freaking out a little but im slowly trying to crawl my way back. But the constant errors im getting is motivating me less and less. I dont even have a specific plan on what to do. (This is my programming course btw so I know some people can relate to me on this) I am asking friends and etc but I think im getting too selfish in which I feel like ending up asking what they did and if it works then ill follow them too.
I feel I cheated myself of a good education from my college when I get to these points. Being frustrated with classes is common for me and so I feel like crap and getting back into the hang of things is extremely hard for me to do.
I just got to believe in myself right? Right? ....
I feel you. I have programming classes too. There's one I'm concerned about which is my C++ class. I'm worried that I will not do well there because I fell off from studying programming and I don't have the drive to work hard. I know my instructor today told us to keep practicing and practicing. But when it comes to due dates and not finding the solutions, I get anxieties. I want to say yes on believing yourself, but it's hard to convince yourself to that, at least imo.
Polydeuces
Member
Yeah, its frustrating when you cant get the solution as fast as possible. It seems like it cuts time from doing other things. And then you feel like crap which doesnt help. I tried during my study breaks to do some heavy breathing and repeating things to myself like " I dont want to quit", and etc. It pushes me a little further. At least im not always putting myself down. Im learning when making progress but sometimes we get too greedy when the impending dates comes.... ugh
I got 3 days left. Hopefully I get my assignment done.
I've been going over this in my head for the last few days and really need some outside opinions since I'm not sure how much of this thinking is rational and how much is irrational.
So, I graduated from college two years ago and have been working the retail job that I started during college ever since. I was obviously pretty desperate for a job those two years after graduation (though to be honest, I wasn't looking for a new job very hard because I was kind of complacent with my old job, but I digress). Now, a couple weeks ago, I got extremely lucky and landed a job incredibly easily out of nowhere that was pretty much exactly what I was hoping for: minimum of $15/hr (this one pays $15/hr, so while not amazing, it's still within the range of what I was hoping for) and actual job experience (because retail doesn't really count as experience).
So here's where it gets kind of messy. It's a typical 8am-5pm/Monday-Friday desk job. I'm good at the work but it's incredibly boring and soul-sucking. Ever since I've started, I spend the night and morning before work dreading going in the next day. I knew from the start I wouldn't really enjoy the job, so I told myself from the beginning that I'll just work there a year, but now even just thinking about one year there seems overwhelming and impossible. I know that if I work there for a year, I'll have enough money saved up to comfortably buy a house (which has been my major goal for a long time) and a year there will give it much more significant weight on my resume than less than a year there, and that will allow me to find my next job much easier I presume.
So I guess my question is, where's the line between "life can't be all fun and games" and being so miserable at your job that you're ruining your life? It's so hard for me to tell how much I'm overreacting, especially since I suffer from some depression and minor anxiety, and so I don't know whether I should just tough it out and stick with it or whether it's more important to be happy and cut my losses and just hope to find something better.
I should also note that I'm still living at home, so it's not as if I need the higher pay.
I'd really appreciate some opinions from you guys, since this thread is always a wealth of great advice. Hopefully I was able to explain the situation well enough.
So, I graduated from college two years ago and have been working the retail job that I started during college ever since. I was obviously pretty desperate for a job those two years after graduation (though to be honest, I wasn't looking for a new job very hard because I was kind of complacent with my old job, but I digress). Now, a couple weeks ago, I got extremely lucky and landed a job incredibly easily out of nowhere that was pretty much exactly what I was hoping for: minimum of $15/hr (this one pays $15/hr, so while not amazing, it's still within the range of what I was hoping for) and actual job experience (because retail doesn't really count as experience).
So here's where it gets kind of messy. It's a typical 8am-5pm/Monday-Friday desk job. I'm good at the work but it's incredibly boring and soul-sucking. Ever since I've started, I spend the night and morning before work dreading going in the next day. I knew from the start I wouldn't really enjoy the job, so I told myself from the beginning that I'll just work there a year, but now even just thinking about one year there seems overwhelming and impossible. I know that if I work there for a year, I'll have enough money saved up to comfortably buy a house (which has been my major goal for a long time) and a year there will give it much more significant weight on my resume than less than a year there, and that will allow me to find my next job much easier I presume.
So I guess my question is, where's the line between "life can't be all fun and games" and being so miserable at your job that you're ruining your life? It's so hard for me to tell how much I'm overreacting, especially since I suffer from some depression and minor anxiety, and so I don't know whether I should just tough it out and stick with it or whether it's more important to be happy and cut my losses and just hope to find something better.
I should also note that I'm still living at home, so it's not as if I need the higher pay.
I'd really appreciate some opinions from you guys, since this thread is always a wealth of great advice. Hopefully I was able to explain the situation well enough.
Personal memo
I urge everyone to post/text/tweet #BellLetsTalk today, as little as it may help. Anything helps and it's a great initiative.
"27% of people are afraid to be around someone they know is suffering from mental illness", what a terribly sad statistic.
I urge everyone to post/text/tweet #BellLetsTalk today, as little as it may help. Anything helps and it's a great initiative.
"27% of people are afraid to be around someone they know is suffering from mental illness", what a terribly sad statistic.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
Not having the best day. Can't seem to do anything right, no matter how hard I try.
User 479360
Banned
I haven't taken my medication today, but since not long after I woke up last night at 11pm, my mind has been going crazy. It wasn't as bad earlier, but since I took another nap, it's been going a mile a minute.
I'm jittery and feel like I'm on speed.
It's anxiety, I guess. I'm worried about having to send a console in for an exchange, because what if they give me a dirty refurb when I ask for a new one? I'm already on my third, and want a new one so that I likely won't have more issues.
Also worried about when a liquidation sale will start because I don't want to lose my gift card balance when the store closes for good.
And, as always, worrying about my family members' health.
I will take my med. I was just too tired to make the effort earlier and wanted to avoid the loud kitchen. I'm now drinking Pepsi, so I'll wait until that's done.
I'm jittery and feel like I'm on speed.
It's anxiety, I guess. I'm worried about having to send a console in for an exchange, because what if they give me a dirty refurb when I ask for a new one? I'm already on my third, and want a new one so that I likely won't have more issues.
Also worried about when a liquidation sale will start because I don't want to lose my gift card balance when the store closes for good.
And, as always, worrying about my family members' health.
I will take my med. I was just too tired to make the effort earlier and wanted to avoid the loud kitchen. I'm now drinking Pepsi, so I'll wait until that's done.
23, did I sound childish?
No, not at all, 15 - 27 were the hardest years for me.
Im pretty sure im not capable any more of being happy. Basically miserable all day. I have zero optimism in my life. I am blind to whatever possibilities may exist. I feel like ive been traumatized and cant bother to be concerned with the trivial bullshit problems everyone else thinks is bothering them. Im gonna fucking snap soon i can feels it. Nothing is ever gonna change until i cant control the change.
sineclamor
Member
So I made it through that last spike ok. I've weened from 26 "drinks" a day down to now 5 or so. I feel a lot calmer, and I don't think I'm about to have a stroke or heart attack every 30 seconds. My blood pressure is probably still fucked, but I kept taking my medicine this time, and have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'd just say, if you have panic attacks, don't DRINK a fuckton on top of them. They're a temporary fix that makes the problem twice as bad later.
Thanks so much to Vigilant Walrus for his lengthy post and kindly pm. Owe ya.
Afterwards, it'll probably be back to feeling for my heartbeat and being unable to sleep, but I can handle it sober.
Thanks so much to Vigilant Walrus for his lengthy post and kindly pm. Owe ya.
Afterwards, it'll probably be back to feeling for my heartbeat and being unable to sleep, but I can handle it sober.
charlemagne
Member
I'm happy to try and help you with coding if you would like
Your instructor is right that practice is really important, but I know how hard it is to convince yourself to keep going when it gets tough.
grap3fruitman
Banned
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Dorimukyasuto
Member
I want you guys to take a look at Kratom. It has gotten some terrible press recently, but it is a fucking godsend for depression and anxiety.
I feel like a real human being.
I feel like a real human being.
I didn't mean it as if you were talking down to us! D: Just simply reflecting that while that is what we should be doing, and we know it, our brain goes "lolnope" and we get stuck in a sort of limbo; we know we have work to do, and we want to do well, but at the same time, fuck it, who cares?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I think I last posted here during the fall, when I complained about stressors at work -- and how I wasn't doing anything meaningful or worthwhile. Those were truly glorious days: 2014 was a complete trainwreck for me, beginning with my (amicable, at least) divorce in March and ending with me getting involuntarily separated from the military.
I turn 32 in a couple of months, my personal life is best characterized by a failed marriage and a dog that I never see, and my professional life is worse. I'm back in school again, which initially seemed like a smart decision, but I'm running myself ragged trying to balance schoolwork, networking/job searching, and my unpaid student internship.
Yes, I'm in my thirties and doing an unpaid internship, which -- again -- seemed smart at the time, but now it just feels utterly emasculating. Before you ask, I already checked: there's no opportunity for future employment. That's the government for you. At least I look boyish enough that I look like a student. I'm really tired of explaining my convoluted, embarrassing story to people, and I'm lucky that the people in my office mostly keep to themselves.
This week, I also found out that my school needed $5,000 from me ASAP because the GI Bill wasn't covering the full amount of my tuition. Goodbye, liquid savings. Hello, more job rejection letters telling me that I'm not qualified. I know that much: if I were, I wouldn't have gotten fired in the first place...
I can't handle this stress. I'll even have to move back home with my parents by this summer if nothing positive happens soon. Other people are commenting about how stressed I look. I don't want to deal with things. I just want some kind of normalcy again, as well as feeling like someone would consider me a valuable part of some team or project. At this point, I already know that whatever track I wanted to be on for life is completely derailed, and maybe I need to set my sights lower, generally speaking. They're getting lower and lower as time passes, along with whatever sense of self-worth still remains.
I turn 32 in a couple of months, my personal life is best characterized by a failed marriage and a dog that I never see, and my professional life is worse. I'm back in school again, which initially seemed like a smart decision, but I'm running myself ragged trying to balance schoolwork, networking/job searching, and my unpaid student internship.
Yes, I'm in my thirties and doing an unpaid internship, which -- again -- seemed smart at the time, but now it just feels utterly emasculating. Before you ask, I already checked: there's no opportunity for future employment. That's the government for you. At least I look boyish enough that I look like a student. I'm really tired of explaining my convoluted, embarrassing story to people, and I'm lucky that the people in my office mostly keep to themselves.
This week, I also found out that my school needed $5,000 from me ASAP because the GI Bill wasn't covering the full amount of my tuition. Goodbye, liquid savings. Hello, more job rejection letters telling me that I'm not qualified. I know that much: if I were, I wouldn't have gotten fired in the first place...
I can't handle this stress. I'll even have to move back home with my parents by this summer if nothing positive happens soon. Other people are commenting about how stressed I look. I don't want to deal with things. I just want some kind of normalcy again, as well as feeling like someone would consider me a valuable part of some team or project. At this point, I already know that whatever track I wanted to be on for life is completely derailed, and maybe I need to set my sights lower, generally speaking. They're getting lower and lower as time passes, along with whatever sense of self-worth still remains.
- Status