I'm sorry, while having absolutely no problem with transgenders, it is not a sexual turn on for me, so I wouldn't feel compatible for a romantic relationship with a trans woman, even if, let's say, the transition was absolutely "flawless" (so to speak) and she could be completely undistinguishable from other women.
If you wouldn't date transgender people, where do you begin to regard their gender?
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I'm sorry, while having absolutely no problem with transgenders, it is not a sexual turn on for me, so I wouldn't feel compatible for a romantic relationship with a trans woman, even if, let's say, the transition was absolutely "flawless" (so to speak) and she could be completely undistinguishable from other women.
No. I would not.
What is just trans? A lot comes with being trans, and a lot doesn't come with being trans.
Why can't I decide for myself what I am attracted to? I do not 'connect' romantically to people I am not attracted to - transgenders in this case.
stufte
Member
Why not? People learn things about people they're initially attracted to all the time that will end up turning them off.
What. I don't even. I'm convinced you want me to be racist. Cause your example makes no fucking sense.
Do you think race is a choice?
Dunno, and I'm not going to browse through this entire thread to find out if someone has done so recently, but I know I would. I honestly don't give a shit what someone identifies as or how they were born or whatever else. What really matters to me is the now and the future. But at the end of the day, I'm a shallow guy and my urges are going to revolve around an attraction to the usual boilerplate idea of masculinity. If a transgender male has all the things I'm attracted to in a guy and bedroom action can proceed as it would in any other relationship, then bring it on.
What if she never told you and was indistinguishable?
You may not like fps games. So what specifically about trans women turn you off to not date them?
I mean, I could say Im not into asian women cause Im not attracted to asian features.
Palette Swap
Member
The way you present it, as others have pointed out, is a fallacy.
That being said, I'd never make sweeping statements about the kind of woman I'd date as I tend(ed) to view this on a case by case basis. I've been married for too long but back when I was dating, I'd have been hard pressed to make blanket statements "I don't date x kind of girl" as it always boiled down to interpersonal chemistry. I might be wrong but I view trans as another x attribute among others, so I guess my (hypothetical) answer would have been "why not given the right chemistry?" as with any "type" of woman. (*)
What makes the question hard in a vacuum is that a lot of people (myself included) haven't been (or don't know they've been) exposed to the real life question and all they can do is make assumptions on how that chemistry would work. Given the social stigma and popular representations of transgenderism, I guess some people assume intuitively they'd have a different chemistry with a trans woman, when really that chemistry I mention varies from person to person, not on a group scale.
Anyway, another reason why it must be hard being transgender.
(*) I feel obligated to mention that "type" can be anything from physical traits to behavior or social position, ie the "type" some men and women mention when they say they have a type.
Emperor_Uriel
Member
It seems like most of the talk in this thread centers around trans women, and I'm curious:
Would you guys date a gay trans man (that is, born female, identifies as male and is attracted to men) if he was otherwise exactly what you were looking for in both appearance and personality?
Would you guys date a gay trans man (that is, born female, identifies as male and is attracted to men) if he was otherwise exactly what you were looking for in both appearance and personality?
Admiral Woofington
Member
I'm sorry to say that due to how I was raised and the bubble I've lived in the upper middle class suburban south that if I met a lady and we clicked on everything and I genuinely thought she was born a girl and she revealed to me that she is trans I couldn't go through with dating her. If possible I'd break it down as gently as possible and try to remain friends.
For me it's all three, but with an emphasis on 2 and that the fact that in many ways 1 still applies. (For example no surgery will change the male pelvis to a female one, which is denser and at a different tilt) Wikipedia. Trans women still have a male pelvis among 100s of other small things like that, you know?
It has been asked, and in this situation I'd have no problem with it. I could get over a prospective partner's prior life as a male if the biology was 100% female. Might be strange at first, but I could do it.
Again, the biology is female, so assume he's pre-op I'd have no issue.
Ok, let's say that he looks completely indistinguishable from a natural born woman, like if done by sorcery.
I would drop him the second I found out he was trans, because that mean he lied to me.
Na it's just preferences bro. Those trannies can use the male / female / dolphin bathrooms all they like.
As I mentioned a bit above, yes.
Would you still date them if they told you up front?
I guess in the rare occurence that it was completely undistinguishable, as in she'd fall in a kind of woman i'd like, not just "looking like a woman" (got, this word is hard to type for a non english speaker sometimes) and she never ever told me, or that her friends never told me, then I would be fine ? But so far I have never encountered someone like that.
I know it's completely dumb,i'm aware of that. But that's how my brain is rigged. I don't feel good about it because I know transpeople try their hardest, especially post surgery, but if I somehow knew, even if the person was a 10/10, I wouldn't get sexually aroused.
I asked myself this question already once in the past. Funny thing is I would be totally fine with a platonic romantic relationship but I'd be unable to have sex.
EDIT: Ironically too, and it's kinda funny, but thinking about it I'd be even slightly more attracted to a transman than a transwoman, despite having no attraction at all for cis-men, how fucking silly is that ?
But you'll never find out and will have a great relationship together. Suddenly the whole thing is not an issue anymore.
Femmeworth
Banned
Preferences and attractions need not be treated as immutable. Preferences in particular need to be critically examined. That said, I know (from experience) it isn't an easy process to examine yourself. Cognitive dissonance is such a deterrent among other things.
No, because I am not gay and there is literally no chance there is a man which has exactly what I am looking for in appearance and personality.
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Mhm, and there's nothing wrong with that. I dunno why people are so keen on 'Well why won't you date them? Is it because they were born a man/female?'
Essentially, yeah, no? There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because they are transgender.
How do you know?
jackissocool
Member
Yup. Dating checklist for Jack:
Attractive?
Shared interests?
Shared values?
Fun to be around?
Bam. I'm not attracted to men, so if a transgendered woman looked masculine then I wouldn't find her attractive (I would feel bad about this the same way I'd feel bad about any unattractive girl who fit all the other qualities I'm looking for). If she looked like an attractive woman? That'll do. I don't care what she used to look like, and genital setup is completely irrelevant. I'm not attracted to vaginas, I'm attracted to the female form and face. Put a penis on there or tell me there used to be a penis, doesn't matter to me.
Union Carbine
Member
Only because they view trans as a distinct set of woman as opposed to being the same as woman (which is how trans women see themselves). I probably would have been better off using a mathematical equation to make the relationship I was trying to describe clear.
User 73706
Banned
"But it is, because she's lying to me! She could be lying about other stuff too! What if she was a woman first and this is her second time getting surgery!"
So as aspiring biologist does human's are a sexually reproductive species go out the window? The dismissal of hetero reproductive interests seems to be entirely disregarded in individuals. Like certain individuals can't possible have a sexuality as such? Can't possible care about sexual reproduction?
Are hetero people just choosing to be bigoted? Or is their some unchosen biology driving them. The debate keeps coming back to this, and the dismissal is still their. In hypothetical fertile trans woman sure. But that simply is not possible right now. Any attempts to speak to the reality of the situation, and where people stand with their own hetero sexuality are still being demonized? Is anyone even using the word tranny?
Yeah this might not be the most pleasant thread, but winding people up isn't going to help at all.
I don't understand you. It's clear why some people do not want to date transgender women. It's clear why some people would not want to date a republican woman. They're both women, not a distinct set. What is the problem here exactly?
Well of course. He would not be completely honest about his past/life.
Erin S Kittens
Member
You misunderstand (and passive-aggressively tone police) me. I'd much rather see the end of oppressive societal structures and hierarchies and the end of the construct known as the gender binary. White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism intersect to create a world based on exploitation, dependent on widespread poverty. It's disgusting, and the people who passively or actively benefit from it and propagate it are also disgusting.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Yeah seems like many here feel shitty about it but it's the way we were raised. Maybe in a future where it's more common it won't be an issue for future generations.
GoldenEye 007
Member
Not sure what mocking posters for their sexual preferences will get you.
I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt with the last post but it's clear you're just an asshole.
I'm starting to think it's actually a very negative thing to tell people upfront about who you use to be. As it might lead to more drama than it's worth, most relationships aren't for life anyway, but tend to shatter after the initial period of lust and love is over. So not telling someone upfront about your switch could actually do far more good than bad.
Yeah, their constant strawmen is getting tiresome....
Holy shit, what did I ever do to you? I'm just stating what I would do, and what I wouldn't do. I've seen you "fight" for acceptance and equality, and at the same time name-calling and insulting other users. Chill out. What you are doing, calling other people "assholes" or telling them to "fuck off" is a bannable offense, so I suggest you stop now.
Erin S Kittens
Member
This isn't objectively the case--it's cissexist society that makes it so.
You'll never know that, no harm done.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
Except for not using she instead of he, Ishida is not wrong.
GoldenEye 007
Member
I mean in your particular case, insisting on using the he pronoun is concerning. So I'm not exactly defending your thoughts there.
Just the overall tone of the thread.
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Yup, we'll have to see how it goes. You can't force someone to think a certain way now, but times change.
Palette Swap
Member
I see your point and actually agree but no matter how you present it, I think the crux of the matter is that some people have these arbitrary subsets of the dating pool they would never date on principle and trans is apparently one of them for some reason - I can't say I relate as Jack's simple checklist suits me fine.
You're on SVU writing staff, aren't you?
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
No because you are deliberately not calling them by the proper pronouns that is making you look like an asshole.
Photolysis
Banned
No, I wouldn't. It still turns me off.
Further, even if medical science could conclusively determine the cause of gender identity and if it turns out that transwomen are neurologically identical to naturally born women, and you were able to wave a magic wand (thus making the recipient physiologically identical to a naturally born woman in every single regard), I still would not date one for the same reason.
repeatedly calling the hypothetical trans woman a guy is what you did.
I really don't care at this point.
Sounds extremely silly. I would have zero attraction to a transman, because I have no interest in the male- form.
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