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[AngryMoth]

Regressed a lot this week. Sleeping too much, stopped exercising, over eating, not engaging in hobbies. Think it's mostly down to anxiety over doing my cv. On leave from uni because of depression and don't have any recent work experience so I'm having major "why would anyone hire me?" syndrome. Procrastenating like a motherfucker but I won't step away from the computer because I'm always 'just about to do it'. Been doing great recently but now a source of anxiety has been introduced all my good habits have slipped away which is quite troubling.

Oh well, still feeling reasonably positive and haven't fallen back into suicidal thoughts which is good. Homely things get back on track soon.

 

[Magwik]

For better or for worse Lassie has summed up my past week

Edit: it's always nice to have trust issues due to a failed relationship and bipolar depression making it very easy to see something harmless as the worst thing ever and emotionally over reacting and then in the process accidentally near destroying something I currently have

 

[Evil Monkey DTT]

I don't know where to place this... I think I've stopped feeling anything. I'm just emotionally numb, I don't feel bad or sad or happy or anything. Things around me are still going to shit but it doesn't even phase me now. I have no idea if that's healthy or not but at least I'm not depressed or suicidal. But now I'm just faking emotions, it's weird. Is this a good thing? Should I be concerned?

 

[Magwik]

Oh god I fucked up I can't believe I accidentally threw it all away fuck why do I always fucking ruin shit ughhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Bel Marduk]

Oh god I fucked up I can't believe I accidentally threw it all away fuck why do I always fucking ruin shit ughhhhhhhhhhh

Wanna talk about it, champ?

PM me if you need to...

Do you think its reparable at this point?

 

[Wilsongt]

God I hate myself and every reason someone hates me or gets mad at me is all my fault.

 

[darthbob]

Bad day today. Saw my therapist, talked about uncomfortable things. Cried on my way home, and then a lot more afterwards. Started to hurt myself too. Think I may have broken my hand.

Depression never seems to ever get better.

 

[Polydeuces]

Tried to study, only skimmed past tests. Too stressed thinking about how I dont understand anything in lecture, which makes me think im gonna fail the midterm and then the course. Tried coffee but that didnt do anything but make me more tired. Went back home extremely exhausted and stressed, now friends start asking me about things in this course I still dont get once im at home.

I basically got nothing done and my head feels so heavy. So pissed off right now.

 

[Magwik]

Wanna talk about it, champ?

PM me if you need to...

Do you think its reparable at this point?

I have no idea what the hell has been up with me the past two weeks. I just seem to be emotionally over-reacting to just about every thing regarding one person, and yet I have no idea why. It's never usually this bad, and I haven't even really known them that long enough for them to be that important to me.
I'm over thinking and over-reacting. This has never happened before, which only makes it worse when confusion is thrown in.

 

[bronkonagurski]

I have no idea what the hell has been up with me the past two weeks. I just seem to be emotionally over-reacting to just about every thing regarding one person, and yet I have no idea why. It's never usually this bad, and I haven't even really known them that long enough for them to be that important to me.
I'm over thinking and over-reacting. This has never happened before, which only makes it worse when confusion is thrown in.

I'm extremely prone to both over-thinking things and also over-reacting.

I don't know if it applies in your circumstance, but the biggest thing that has negatively impacted me is always assuming the worst. Which produces over-thinking and over-reacting. It can quickly become a vicious circle.

I think realizing you are doing these things is good. I've been able to realize these things about myself over time, and while I'm still far from perfect and struggling in many ways, it has helped me do better in some regard.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble so I'll cut it short here.

 

[Kipp]

One of the awful things about depression is that happiness is so fragile. Those very rare moments when I feel happy (probably more content than happy, really), I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to not lose the happiness/contentment, because any little thing will mess it up. And that in itself kind of messes it up, knowing that any little thing could send you back down and focusing too hard on keeping the good mood going.

I don't know if it applies in your circumstance, but the biggest thing that has negatively impacted me is always assuming the worst. Which produces over-thinking and over-reacting. It can quickly become a vicious circle.

The awful thing for me is that when I assume the worst, I have found myself to be correct more often than not, so in a way, it benefits me because I've mentally prepared myself for the worst case scenario already and it doesn't hit me as hard.
On the other hand, yeah, it's not so good for my mental health.

 

[User 479360]

I'm not experiencing any side effects from increasing my Cymbalta to 90mg/day. However, I don't know if I feel all that different with regards to my OCD.

My depression isn't so bad right now, nor is my anxiety, but I'm still tired a lot of the time.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

 

[jb1234]

I'm extremely prone to both over-thinking things and also over-reacting.

I don't know if it applies in your circumstance, but the biggest thing that has negatively impacted me is always assuming the worst. Which produces over-thinking and over-reacting. It can quickly become a vicious circle.

I think realizing you are doing these things is good. I've been able to realize these things about myself over time, and while I'm still far from perfect and struggling in many ways, it has helped me do better in some regard.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble so I'll cut it short here.

This is a bad habit I fall into a lot as well. And since my brain is a diseased bitch, it tends to come up with conspiracy theories of its own to satisfy whatever over-thinking scenario I've launched myself into this time.

I've gotten better at stopping myself from reacting to these feelings (which can cause a lot of damage) but it hasn't stopped me from experiencing them and it really takes its toll on my mental health.

 

[Labrys]

i have doctors appointment on monday

getting back on my adhd meds and getting on a new antidepressant might help me but. idk.

 

[Link0080]

Can I drink while on fluoxetine? Cuz I am... :/
I'm pretty sure I'm doing better than when I was on paroxetine, that made me sleepy all day

 

[Magwik]

I'm extremely prone to both over-thinking things and also over-reacting.

I don't know if it applies in your circumstance, but the biggest thing that has negatively impacted me is always assuming the worst. Which produces over-thinking and over-reacting. It can quickly become a vicious circle.

I think realizing you are doing these things is good. I've been able to realize these things about myself over time, and while I'm still far from perfect and struggling in many ways, it has helped me do better in some regard.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble so I'll cut it short here.

Here's a recent example. Due to this person's history and the conversation we had I got worried and went 30 minutes out to her house to see if she was okay. And she was perfectly fine. Spent most of the night there just either talking or cuddling, but I also noticed how much importance she places on hearing from certain people (constantly waits for one person to text her back, takes phone calls from another) yet the following day (yesterday) I was lucky to even get a handful of messages. How am I not supposed to think something's wrong with that?

 

[Audioboxer]

Still taking a long-term relationship break up from last year pretty hard and today I watched the Black Mirror Episode The Entire History of You. I do not recommend watching it if you're going through a breakup, or even during the aftermath.

Brilliant episode, but oh my it's depressing!

 

[Tesseract]

i'm tired

 

[AwesomePossum]

Can I drink while on fluoxetine? Cuz I am... :/
I'm pretty sure I'm doing better than when I was on paroxetine, that made me sleepy all day

My psychiatrist that it's fine, so sure. Watch out for becoming an alcoholic though... it's not the greatest of experiences.

 

[Kipp]

I'm so jealous whenever I hear of other people having pleasant lazy Sundays where they just laze on the couch all day reading or watching TV or playing video games. Days off for me are hard work. For one, I just don't have the focus or enthusiasm to do one thing all day. I just try to keep as busy as possible before I inevitably get bored (even though there's tons of stuff I have to do, I just don't get any enjoyment out of any of them) and then fall into a pretty bad place and just wait until the day is over and I at least have work the next day to keep me busy.
I would absolutely love to actually enjoy a lazy day.

 

[Bubbavelli]

My girlfriend, whom i've talked about itt, told me earlier that she's bored with everything in her life. This is mainly due to her job which has been consistently sucking the life out of her ever since she became a manager. When she told me this, she assured me that it's not my fault and that she loves me very much. Naturally, because of my anxiety and depression, I cant help but think this is spilling over and that she's bored of our relationship too. I asked her and she got mad because I wasnt listening to her and making it about me. Understandably because we have had some communication problems in the past. Now its starting to bum me out and my mind is starting to think that she's going to break up with me because of this. Part of me knows this is outrageous but the depressed/anxiety filled part is saying this is a very real possibilty.


Feels fucking bad man. I just want to cry really. Part of me wants to tell her how I feel but I know she'll get mad.

 

[Polydeuces]

Bit more than I can chew.

 

[Blackquill]

I attempted to go in my college again, I quit after 1 hour. I just can support this anymore, I stayed way too long in middle school and high school at a point I become depressive and get tired of everything that is studying or listening to a teacher. On the other hand, I had almost 0 social interactions these last months which reduced to staying at my house playing video games even if this is not as fun as before. A summary of one of my day is just staying at my house attempted to do something but I'm just destroyed by some dark thoughts at a point where I became angry for basically no reason (I broke my gamecube pad yesterday just because I needed to break something).

I tried a lot of things, therapist since october, medicine and I even went to a medical center for a week. I thought it would help me but the only thing I did there was sitting in my room and do nothing. My therapist suggests now that I go in a foreign country while doing volontary work. But I doubt it will help and plus, it could take a lot of time to find something like this.

So I'm just back to where I started... I'm really sick of it.

 

[Denzar]

Hello GAF. It's been a while since I've posted in this thread. I've taken some steps to improve my mental health.

Last week I made my first appointment with a social worker. She works at a welfare organisation. I poured out everything that has been bothering me since, well, my birth. Girls, work, upbringing, anger, frustration, drugs, overthinking, anxiety, etc...

She has to summarize our talk and send it out to her colleagues. She told me that, usually, summarizing is hard work, but in my case, it seems I've made my own summary in my head, which makes it a lot easier for her. Once sent out, she'll contact me to make my first appointment with a professional counsellor. Still waiting for that reply.

I've also completely stopped smoking weed. Cold turkey. One week and a day now. I already feel better.

I also told all my love interests to back off and leave me alone. I've been going back and forth between my ex and new love interest for four years now. I can't commit to new relationships because of my ex and I can't commit to my ex because of new love interests. One of the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I hope they can show me a way to a better mindset and ultimately, a happier life. I reaslise most of the work will be done by me, but if they can show me how, or at least give me some direction, I'd be more than satisfied.

 

[Timedog]

I think I come off as a serial killer type to lots of people because of social anxiety. I think it's because I'm terrible at small talk, and I'm terrible at progressing from small talk to real conversations. I think once I'm in a real conversation I'm fine, but since I'm terrible at those other things I just want to hide or get away during the initial stages of talking to someone. This makes me come off weird and my extremely large size makes people think of danger.

I'm not as bad when I'm proactive about starting conversations with people because when I'm proactive I'm not in my head nearly as much. The problem is that constantly being socially proactive is just exhausting in a different way than constantly being anxious. Just being anti-social is easier.

 

[rrvv]

why do people have emotion? Is disturbing my decision making skill. It make me feel uncomfortable for the entire time for past 2 years. So annoying and I sont advantage on having them, How do you remove them?

 

[Cizeta-Moroder]

I guess this is the fundamental nature of all procrastination, but it's just recently dawning on me.
I'm already YEARS behind my schedule in university.
I can't study for an upcoming important exam because I am so goddamn intimidated by it. I fear that I learn something wrong if I make any effort, or that the effort goes in vain in some other way. And there's always some other test I'll certainly fail.
On the other hand I can't do anything else either because I don't deserve leisure until I've done all my work. As result, I do absolutely nothing but walk around the house in anguish.
The ideal that every second must be used productively clashes with the reality that I use NONE of my seconds productively.
My brain is like painfully stuck. It's hell, and it goes on around the clock. This is a thought process that is innate, characteristic of me. I can't escape or treat it, no one can. Only solution would be complete removal of consciousness and mundane responsibilities.
Just venting, no need for replies but if someone can relate I'd be interested in hearing your take. I guess this is actually a common sentiment but real people just manage to deal with it.

 

[Ourobolus]

I guess this is the fundamental nature of all procrastination, but it's just recently dawning on me.
I'm already YEARS behind my schedule in university.
I can't study for an upcoming important exam because I am so goddamn intimidated by it. I fear that I learn something wrong if I make any effort, or that the effort goes in vain in some other way. And there's always some other test I'll certainly fail.
On the other hand I can't do anything else either because I don't deserve leisure until I've done all my work. As result, I do absolutely nothing but walk around the house in anguish.
The ideal that every second must be used productively clashes with the reality that I use NONE of my seconds productively.
My brain is like painfully stuck. It's hell, and it goes on around the clock. This is a thought process that is innate, characteristic of me. I can't escape or treat it, no one can. Only solution would be complete removal of consciousness and mundane responsibilities.
Just venting, no need for replies but if someone can relate I'd be interested in hearing your take. I guess this is actually a common sentiment but real people just manage to deal with it.

I don't have experience with being THAT far behind, but the first step is just to realize that you can get back into it. It's just going to take some work. If you're concerned about learning things incorrectly, are there any tutoring services, or a classmate, or even office hours you can use to help understand the material better?

I'm a pretty big procrastinator myself, but eventually you just have to force yourself to buckle down and do it. Take breaks while doing work. Play a game every hour or so for a few minutes. It's totally possible to do both, because doing one completely will burn you out and just make it worse.

After catching up, you just need to develop a routine. It sucks. I won't sugarcoat it. But putting in the extra effort up front will make it much easier down the road. I'm not going to say this next exam will go well, but it's the first step. Just see that goal you have of graduating and tell yourself that you have to do certain things in order to achieve it.

 

[~Kinggi~]

It is the new year and thusly i am back to working out. Actually i snapped last August and went all out buying equipment. Worked out hardcore with all the right stuff for 2 months and then came down with some severe food poisoning that completely ruined my routine and i havent been back since October. Hate how weak you feel after just 2-3 months of not working out. This is really one of the only sure-fire things i can do for my virgin ass that doesnt require me to get a brain transplant. Although doubt anything would change i worked out hardcore for 2 years a couple back when i lost 50 pounds and bulked up, which did jack all.

^^ me post from Jan 5th 2015

My progress. Im hitting the typical wall where visual progress seems non-existant now

Still feel like shit and want to die though, fuck all

 

[Palpable]

More & more surfaces about how my ex looked at our entire relationship as 'bad'. It was the best time of my life and she sees it all as a negative. She doesn't respond to me because I'm the negativity in her life that she wants to get rid of. Even my cousin, whom I saw as being like a brother to me, thinks I'm psychotic.

I must admit that I do indeed hate myself and want to die. I can't find the fucking courage to do it. At least not yet. If I'm the negativity in someone's life whom I cared about more than anything, then I should do the world a favor and erase it. Not to mention I must have been a fucking clueless idiot to not see our relationship as 'bad' since she so clearly does.

 

[Magwik]

There is nothing more horrifying than realizing the person your currently like is very similar to the one who ruined you for an entire year. I'm willing to just write it off as just having a type though.

 

[ampere]

I think I come off as a serial killer type to lots of people because of social anxiety. I think it's because I'm terrible at small talk, and I'm terrible at progressing from small talk to real conversations. I think once I'm in a real conversation I'm fine, but since I'm terrible at those other things I just want to hide or get away during the initial stages of talking to someone. This makes me come off weird and my extremely large size makes people think of danger.

I'm not as bad when I'm proactive about starting conversations with people because when I'm proactive I'm not in my head nearly as much. The problem is that constantly being socially proactive is just exhausting in a different way than constantly being anxious. Just being anti-social is easier.

I know the feeling of conversation anxiety. Honestly it just takes a lot of my energy to talk to people in person and I get bored easily. I'm pretty anti-social lately :x.

^^ me post from Jan 5th 2015
My progress. Im hitting the typical wall where visual progress seems non-existant now

Still feel like shit and want to die though, fuck all

Have you tried getting a doc appointment to talk about depression/anxiety? You might be able to get therapy or medication that helps. Hitting a wall with lifting is frustrating, but it def happens. Are you trying to gain more weight or just tone?

 

[CheesecakeRecipe]

After my last breakup several years ago, I shut down my desire to be with another person. I still identified the ideas of love and romance, but I managed to segment myself off and not fall for people who I interacted with. I was too afraid of being hurt again to want to bother, and felt like I was nothing but dead weight to anyone else. I would explain to my family that I simply didn't wish to go after anyone until I was more financially secure. The truth was much more complicated than that.

Towards the very end of last year, whatever I used to build that wall broke down. I've been having to deal with suddenly having feelings for another person again since 2015 rolled around. It's a crush, really, nothing serious. But I still feel the bulking weight of all that time I spent ignoring myself pushing me into thinking about it. I want to at least tell the person, but at the same time, it's... not something I think I can do. For a lot of reasons. And it's just so frustrating. I loved being happy again for a while, and this person is so positive, sweet and awesome and they really help me find a positive stride on even my darker days. But I still feel like they might just be better off never knowing that they mean something to me. They're so much better than me, they don't need me dragging them down or messing with their stride.

 

[Megalosaro]

Lately I've been feeling appreciated / taken for granted.

I dunno. I like doing things for people but lately I just feel like people have come to expect too much from me.

For example I had to work an hour over time last night. I was supposed to speak to the manager of my apartment about mold problems we've been having but I couldn't because I got off work too late.

I get home from work after the manager is gone for the day. Not long after I get home my roommate gets home and immediately gets on as asking if I had spoken to the manager. Isaid I had just gotten home. Enough time to take a shit and make a sandwich.

My roommate then accuses me of lieing to him. He says he had been outside for a bit talking on the phone and seen my car out there for "a while." I had been home maybe five minutes. Besides the manager had already left.

My parents make me feel like shit too. this fall my dad and friend are going to boston. I'm paying for my dad.. He wants my mom to go too. My mom says that since I have more dispossable income I should pay for her too. I'm already going to drop 2 grand into the trip.

 

[Bagels]

Have this piece of fine art!

 

[A Human Becoming]

Phone anxiety really hampers my life. In can take me weeks to make a call.

 

[Megalosaro]

Phone anxiety really hampers my life. In can take me weeks to make a call.

I suggest getting a job with a call center. I used to be the same way. After a week you can dial like no one's business. Like anything in life it is a learn able skill.

 

[Zoolader]

I suggest getting a job with a call center. I used to be the same way. After a week you can dial like no one's business. Like anything in life it is a learn able skill.

Working at a call center was detrimental to my anxiety. I lasted 6 months and every minute of the day was absolutely brutal. Some mornings I would just wake up and throw up, and I even lost a lot of weight during my time working there. I guess that all depends on the type of call center though. Working other customer service jobs have helped me overcome some of my social anxiety.

 

[MikeDip]

Have this piece of fine art!

Abraharm Lincoln is my favourite memory of you so this picture speaks to me.

 

[sophora]

Been feeling terrible lately. Moody, can't focus, just feeling utterly useless. Can't focus on practicing sketching, just getting upset at how it doesn't go smoothly and erase everything over and over. I used to just enjoy sketching fan stuff but I can't even focus beyond basic posing anymore. Genuinely upsets me whenever I think about it, that maybe I just am shitty at drawing now. I just want to have fun again. Ugh..../vent

 

[kiyomi]

I suggest getting a job with a call center. I used to be the same way. After a week you can dial like no one's business. Like anything in life it is a learn able skill.

While I agree that exposure can often help in cases where there is anxiety attached to a specific event or task, this kind of sounds like an awful idea. The room to be shouted at, abused and complained to is far too great for someone who suffers from anxiety when making calls.

Phone anxiety really hampers my life. In can take me weeks to make a call.

What about it is causing the anxiety? Is it the procrastination that makes you feel guilty for not making the call sooner, so you delay it and delay it? Or is it simply the act of talking to someone?

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Been feeling terrible lately. Moody, can't focus, just feeling utterly useless. Can't focus on practicing sketching, just getting upset at how it doesn't go smoothly and erase everything over and over. I used to just enjoy sketching fan stuff but I can't even focus beyond basic posing anymore. Genuinely upsets me whenever I think about it, that maybe I just am shitty at drawing now. I just want to have fun again. Ugh..../vent

Well, you need the bad drawings, to make the good drawings good.


It's like saying I want to eat, but I don't want to poop. The things are connected matey! I saw a great interview with John Frusciante and when asked why he was so good at the guitar, he basically said that it was because he let go of all conceptions of trying to make it good.


Don't stop just because the drawing sucks. Are you kidding me? What are you going to do with this? It sucks, then what do you do? Are you making yellow triangles over all the ugly parts? did you try putting in photoshop and inversing it? did you try making 4 different poses back to back and merging into some sort of fucked up symbol?

When things don't go your way creatively, its time to use that mate.



I'm trying to do spannish grammar here, and I don't have your luxury. I can't improvise this shit. I can't decide, to just say tienen instead of tengo, or some shit. I wanna see your sketches. post them in the art thread, and link it to me. I genuinely want to see your shitty drawings! peace!

 

[Sini]

post them in the art thread, and link it to me. I genuinely want to see your shitty drawings! peace!

There's an art thread here somewhere?

Link please!

 

[sophora]

Well, you need the bad drawings, to make the good drawings good.

It's like saying I want to eat, but I don't want to poop. The things are connected matey! I saw a great interview with John Frusciante and when asked why he was so good at the guitar, he basically said that it was because he let go of all conceptions of trying to make it good.

Don't stop just because the drawing sucks. Are you kidding me? What are you going to do with this? It sucks, then what do you do? Are you making yellow triangles over all the ugly parts? did you try putting in photoshop and inversing it? did you try making 4 different poses back to back and merging into some sort of fucked up symbol?

When things don't go your way creatively, its time to use that mate.

I'm trying to do spannish grammar here, and I don't have your luxury. I can't improvise this shit. I can't decide, to just say tienen instead of tengo, or some shit. I wanna see your sketches. post them in the art thread, and link it to me. I genuinely want to see your shitty drawings! peace!

I did post in the drawing-a-day thread before, just school got in the way, just getting back into my old routine. Frustration and venting. I've never really been fond of my own art, I don't even stick to one style I'm just fickle. My friends try to help with inspiring me by showing awesome artwork by other people...but that just ends up making me feel worse in comparison to other people's work. They think I can be as good if I focused but...that's it I can't focus. My mind just goes into "this sucks, it looks bad, not cool enough" mode and I end up erasing the whole thing. Draw then erase and repeat. It's a bad habit of mine :/

Despite all this ranting I do, I still find myself compelled to draw things...don't know..if I don't draw anything for a while I just get upset easier, and it's been almost a month since my last one. Maybe tonight or soon :T

There's an art thread here somewhere?

Link please!

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=571281&page=54

 

[mugurumakensei]

Yesterday, I visited a psychotherapist. I scored highly on the depression and bipolar questionaires. The psychotherapist recommended a combination of psychotherapy and medication.

Any psychiatrist recommendations from people in the DFW area? I'd prefer in the Plano, Richardson, or Carrollton areas.

At some point, I'll be willing to talk about my experience with my issues and what triggered it but that's not right now.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

I did post in the drawing-a-day thread before, just school got in the way, just getting back into my old routine. Frustration and venting. I've never really been fond of my own art, I don't even stick to one style I'm just fickle. My friends try to help with inspiring me by showing awesome artwork by other people...but that just ends up making me feel worse in comparison to other people's work. They think I can be as good if I focused but...that's it I can't focus. My mind just goes into "this sucks, it looks bad, not cool enough" mode and I end up erasing the whole thing. Draw then erase and repeat. It's a bad habit of mine :/

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=571281&page=54

Most people are not fond of their own thing. Actors don't watch movies they are in, chefs prefer food they haven't cooked themselves, musicians don't listen to their own music all day. Don't beat yourself up because you're not Kanye West.
Your problem is not that you feel you suck at drawing. Your problem is that you think that somehow being great drawing is going to make everything better. It's not. It's a catch 22, and you're going to keep hitting this plateau, because art and creativity cannot be quantified into just good and bad, so easily.
It's a never changing process. Of putting something down that you feel.

Your ego is making you think you need this and that, but that is not how it works. Who gives a fuck? I mean really. Many of the greatest artists can go fuck themselves, while many of the people who are not talented end up coming up with some great stuff.

The key is to enjoy it, because you enjoy it. That's real power. If you are in it to be famous, or to be acknowledged or because you want anything other than to really just have fun with drawing, then well... Then I think your on the wrong path here. And that goes with everything.
I've had people close to me, give me a peptalk, when I lost too much sight of what I was doing, when really all that matters is having fun, not being respected or loved for the work that you do.

I train Martial Arts with this guy who is one of the best in the world at what he does. He was consistently in the top 5, in all big tournaments in the country, and could beat up 95% of the population. Insane skills, great physiqe. He was a goddamn walking superhero. And he was a miserable one.
Because like you, he walked around with all these expectations and beat himself up because it was never good enough.
Dude. A girl who got second place in a Miss America Beauty Pageant killed herself because she didn't win a few years ago.
So stop this bullshit. The things that matter are so insignificantly related to the things that do, which is, enjoying yourself. That's it. Enjoy the art, and do it with no expectation of getting anything out of it, besides the enjoyment the activity. When you can do that, I guarantee that you will be fulfilled.
Applying this mindset helped me a lot.
If you need suggested reading, I suggest the book the War on Art. An excellent book into slaying the demons of writers block, and other negative thought patterns surrounding creative endeavors.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I want to quit programming, I hate programming. However, I want the CS degree so I can use it to apply other places that has nothing to do with programming. I suck so bad. No tutoring at school nor do I have help there.

 

[Secret Fawful]

I missed a couple days of Zoloft. Took my dog outside to pee, and suddenly for no reason got so angry that I leaped into the air and stomped my feet down on the ground so hard that it scared my dog into running all the way back to the house because he could sense how suddenly angry I was. Then I walked back to the house literally unable to unscrunch my face from a hideous angry frown and as I walked into my house I called my dog a little jerk. Then I proceeded to send mean messages to a friend of mine. I then spent three minutes thinking about how wonderful it would be to break my own toes and cause myself pain. Suddenly I snapped out of it and got really exhausted, realizing how fucking crazy I was being. Either it's that I haven't taken Zoloft in two days or I'm going fucking crazy. I've never had a reaction like that before, though. Usually if I miss days, I get extremely depressed, anxious, or sensitive, not overwhelmingly angry and crazy. It kind of scared me.

 

[Dazzler]

Hi friends,

first time poster in the thread...

I was recently prescribed Cipralex by my doc to help with some long-standing anxiety issues. Unfortunately it's had some inconvenient side effects after five days. I seem to yawn a lot + I can't cum AT ALL

Has anyone experience with it? Does it pass? Other than that, it's been working great so far for me and apparently doesn't work to its full effect for a few weeks, which is awesome

 

[jb1234]

I've been in the middle of a very bad fatigue flare and hence, not feeling like doing or saying much of anything aside from surviving. No matter how I felt, I was scheduled for a doctor's appointment today and since she's always booked and rescheduling can lead to a wait of weeks, I had to drag myself in.

The good news? I've inexplicably lost 12 pounds in the last four months. Not sure how as it's not like I've been eating great, my comfort food habit being fully enforced. The bad news? Plenty of it. Blood pressure is still above normal and worst off, because of even more restrictions on narcotics, my very limited supply of painkillers is getting even more limited. I shouldn't need to get into the speech of how fucking asshole addicts have made things much harder for the people who actually need these medications to get by. But hey, she's upping my tramadol to compensate, even though it's much less effective and has more side-effects.

At one point, she's running down the list she no doubt has to ask every patient who has suicidal ideation. Has your mood been worse than usual lately? Do you think about suicide? Do you have an active plan? Do you own a gun? I made some joke about how if I'm gonna kill myself, a gun isn't the way to go because there's always that chance it'll fail and I'll be a living vegetable. She wasn't amused by the dark humor. Yeah, I've done the research. I'm pretty sure almost everyone constantly thinking of suicide has circled possibilities and very conclusively ruled out options that sound agonizingly unpleasant. Not that there's any easy way to die.

She did recommend seeing a psychologist in the same hospital who is covered by my insurance and has much experience helping people who suffer with chronic illnesses. My big concern is that there are days (stretches of days, even) where I'm barely able to move and that makes it difficult to set up a regular schedule with someone. I'm still giving it serious thought because I feel like my brain is imploding from the pressure of living this way and the impact it has on the people around me, most of whom would be thrilled to have me in therapy.

(This isn't said as a slam on them. I'll readily admit that I'm frequently a mess.)