Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
Depression can really inhibit your ability to focus and concentrate, so definitely don't think of this as a personal failing. It's simply one of the many negative effects of depression. I know this doesn't really help the problem itself of not being able to listen well, but I do hope you're able to look at it differently so that it doesn't bring you down further.
I really struggle to concentrate and focus myself. Reading is one of my favorite things to do, but for the past few years I've just found reading to be frustrating because it's nearly impossible for me to stay focused. Mostly I think because when you have no enthusiasm for anything, what reason is there to focus on it? That's my theory at least.
It's also a minor problem for me at work. My manager will be talking to me and I'll just completely forget to pay attention to the words. It's a bit embarrassing, but usually when I ask them to clarify what they just said, it's not that big of a problem. Luckily with my full-time job, most of the communication is via Skype, so I can just go back and re-read what was said if I missed something the first time around.
Hey, me too! I hope the initial side effects aren't too bad for you and that the positive effects kick in sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately, regarding the sexual side effects, Escitalopram/Lexapro also suppresses your libido (and also some other sexual side effects). Hopefully that side effect is more mild on Escitalopram than it was on your previous medication though.
Keep us updated on your progress!
Sorry to hear about your struggles. That's great that your employer is being supportive and giving you time off. I'm very jealous!
Out of curiosity, was the day when your brain "broke" while doing the daily deposit shortly after you started taking Escitalopram?
I know that during the first couple weeks after I started taking it, there were definitely moments when it felt like my brain was broken. I had pretty bad mental and physical fatigue that made it very hard to work.
Regardless, I hope things start to turn around for you and you're able to use this time off from work to relax a bit. Hang in there.
Various Artists
Banned
I'm sorry for your loss
Thanks. It was going to be our first so it really stings. We had our first ultrasound last week and all looked healthy and then the heart stopped in the last week. I know this isn't entirely uncommon but when my wife said " at least we got to see him and hear his heart beat once" I nearly broke down. The toughest part for me is to really try and be her rock right now and be strong for her when it hurts so much for me.I'm so sorry man.
*hugs*
terrisus
Member
Well, as I said, even not on any antidepressants I still had virtually no sex drive, so I'm not really expecting any big change here. I think that's just kind of how I am.
blast processed
Member
No, I wasn't on anything. I feel ok now but that might be because I have been removed from everything stressful. I'm a little worried getting back into the swing of things. Im not really one to sit around I like to keep moving, so this has been tough laying low but do realize it's necessary.
Ah, gotcha. I'm the same way, so the sexual side effects of Escitalopram don't bother me at all.
Were you like that prior to your depression though? For me personally, my libido was pretty healthy until my depression began, then it just went away completely. To be honest, I'm perfectly content with having a low libido though.
Ah okay, gotcha. Well, these things do happen. We all have moments like that where you just totally blank out on something you've done hundreds of times.
And yeah, I definitely understand that. I have a really tough time laying low and feel the need to keep myself busy as well.
I hope that the time off gives your mind the rest that it needs so that you'll be able to get back into the swing of things without much trouble. Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy your time off and try not to worry too much about when you have to go back to work!
Sorry for your loss. You are being a good partner though, just be there for each other and that's all you can do. Consider therapy if you think it might help, that is not an easy thing to get through.
I think you do have to "buy in" to get most therapy to work. Sometimes if you fake it long enough it might just click? It's tough though, best of luck.
pixelation
Member
The more i get to know people, the more my love for humanity as a whole wanes... get me outta this place...
Thanks for the replies guys, it helps a lot just to have someone respond 
Ooh that's actually a great idea. The problem I have is most of my interests are solitary. Rock climbing and martial arts would def be fun though.
Thought about joining a running club, I'll look into that too, though it seems like something that might not have as much interaction
2 hours a day includes biking to the gym and picking up a snack after, but yeah that's still about 80 minutes of working out. I just like doing it because when I'm at the gym and I'm in shape I feel like I belong. I don't even have any friends there, but just the fact that I'm doing the same thing as everyone else feels good. It also helps with my confidence in the rest of my life to be in shape. It makes me feel more valuable and is something I have complete control over.
And yeah I hate breaking schedule. I feel like I'm falling behind if I do - I'm trying to get my art career going, and it's extremely competitive, so if I miss much time I worry about falling behind. Basically any time I go out, that's always what's on my mind. I can kind of get around it by convincing myself I'm going out to do research, but that tends to lead me to just analyzing people instead of interacting with them.
I think I will look into therapy, I didn't realize insurance could cover it. I suppose in the long run it could be worth it anyways.
Ooh that's actually a great idea. The problem I have is most of my interests are solitary. Rock climbing and martial arts would def be fun though.
Thought about joining a running club, I'll look into that too, though it seems like something that might not have as much interaction
We're in the game of supporting one another and coping with our personal suffering, not judging the magnitude of each others' problems. It sounds as though you're going through something that is affecting your life and causing you to suffer which makes it more than legitimate in my opinion!
I think therapy could be completely worth it, though, and if you have insurance you likely can find someone who is covered, leaving you with only a reasonable copay. Ultimately a therapist will be able to go into more depth and listen more closely than us here in the Mental Health OT or even your close friends and hopefully you can develop a more complete understanding of why you feel such a malaise.
In the mean time, I'll give you my $0.02
Anxiety does a lot of strange things.
It used to run my life in a bad way. No matter how little I had to do, I was always overwhelmed. I was never able to relax into a moment and just enjoy it without having one eye on the clock and one foot out the door. My response was to try to control every part of my life, to always have every situation under my control. I'd elect to stay in or hang out at my place instead of going anywhere, I'd play the same game for months instead of trying anything new, et cetera.
Anxiety doesn't affect me in that way any more. I still have it, tons of it, but with therapy and medication its grip on me has loosened slightly and I've also come to recognize ways to work around its idiosyncrasies. Yes, I still like to have my day under control, I still have a mental checklist at all times, and I'm still usually watching the clock but I've found ways to lessen the importance of those - I've found ways to breathe into the discomfort of new situations, I've found ways to organize myself so that I can relax for even a few hours, and I've even learned to stop wearing a watch because the constant tick tick ticking made me ever aware of my limited time.
Your mentioning that you exercise two hours per day is very interesting to me. Two hours?! That's a hell of a lot, perhaps too much (I'm not a doctor, obviously). It sounds as though you've got your days structured in an airtight way and yes, when you stick to that, it doesn't look as though there's much space for other people. But instead of trying to shift around the schedule to accommodate friendships maybe it's worth investigating whether you can sometimes throw the schedule out altogether and live more flexibly. What happens when you have a day where the schedule goes out the window? Is it anxiety inducing? Is it miserable?
I think these are the sorts of things you could get into (in much more depth) with a therapist.
Whatever you do, keep us posted
<3
2 hours a day includes biking to the gym and picking up a snack after, but yeah that's still about 80 minutes of working out. I just like doing it because when I'm at the gym and I'm in shape I feel like I belong. I don't even have any friends there, but just the fact that I'm doing the same thing as everyone else feels good. It also helps with my confidence in the rest of my life to be in shape. It makes me feel more valuable and is something I have complete control over.
And yeah I hate breaking schedule. I feel like I'm falling behind if I do - I'm trying to get my art career going, and it's extremely competitive, so if I miss much time I worry about falling behind. Basically any time I go out, that's always what's on my mind. I can kind of get around it by convincing myself I'm going out to do research, but that tends to lead me to just analyzing people instead of interacting with them.
I think I will look into therapy, I didn't realize insurance could cover it. I suppose in the long run it could be worth it anyways.
I might have to quit my job. It's not a particularly good job, just a part-time retail job that I took to help pay for stuff. But still, it was my first job and I liked earning money, but other things have come up with college and now I might have to end up quitting, which means that I can't save up money to move out. On top of that I might not graduate on time because of some classes that I had to retake and other classes that I just wasn't able to get. I need to get further in my major so I can look for internships to start getting into my career, but I'm starting to question if I should even stay on this career path, but I don't think I have the money to change majors. I don't have much to distract me from these problems so they're on my mind all the time, which is tasking. When you have stressful stuff on your mind all the time, your productivity suffers because you don't feel like dealing with anything. There's no reset to sit back and collect your thoughts. I'm a league better than I was a year ago (not suicidal anymore) but things...still feel off.
Ally of Justice
Member
I think I need to provide a little context for this.
I'm the main provider of my family. My mom is unemployable due to an illness and my father haven't been able to find a job for almost 5 years.
Half of my money is given to my parents to buy food and pay the bills, and the other half (was) in the bank to return to school.
The temporary drop-out was because of money problems past year, and the problem is that if I can't return to school this August, I'll lose all the progress I made at school for two and a half years. If I return, I'll return to the 8th of 10 terms that I need to complete in order to finish school. This is my last chance, because if I don't return this year, the next year I'll have to start at 1st term.
It's not only the anxiety of being robbed. Had I been in a better standing, I wouldn't give it so much importance, but my problem is that I have no money, I don't have anything in case of an emergency and I won't have a job to feed my family.
My self-esteem is shit right now, and I can't even think straight at day or sleep well at night. I can't even imagine myself in a job interview right now.
Bigboss242
Banned
I am tired I want to give up whats the point.
I went out to a bar yesterday and it was somewhat fun but it got to a point where I didn't want to talk to anyone. Then started to drink more. Ended up heading home afterwards after talking with three people.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Have you reported it to the police?
Was there a security camera at the ATM?
Have you talked to your school? This is a special circumstance, and maybe they can arrange some extra time for an assault victim. Keep exploring your options. I know it's hard but it sounds like it is very critical for you the next years of your life depending on what you do now.
User 479360
Banned
I decided to stop taking my medication (Cymbalta) cold turkey, which was stupid. It wasn't working for me, so I hadn't taken it in several days until today, when I took a couple of pills to try to feel better/ween myself better.
I've been feeling like shit all day, from being jittery to (for most of it) feeling nauseous and flu-like. I haven't been able to do much.
I've been feeling like shit all day, from being jittery to (for most of it) feeling nauseous and flu-like. I haven't been able to do much.
You never want to go off an SNRI cold turkey, dude. It can be very unpleasant.
Thanks, dude. That means a lot to me. <3 I would label my piano work under the contemporary classical music genre. I'm not sure how familiar you are with classical music but I can definitely give you recommendations for more piano pieces. Gotta have tunes for Cities: Skylines, right?
(Which reminds me, I need to get back to that game...)
Right now, I'm trying to write a song (baritone and piano) so it might not be as relaxing.
I'm a music student so theoretically I'm very familiar with classical music but in practice the classes I've taken thus far really drop off in their comprehensiveness once we reach the early 20th century. I just finished a Survey of Music Literature class and the entire 20th century was covered in two days versus three weeks for the Classical Era alone. I understand the need to focus on common practice music but c'mon, isn't it a bit ridiculous to reduce the entirety of the 20th century to "um, here's a jazz song, also there was some abstractionism and serialism and this guy's name is John Cage"
(Especially because I love jazz.)
Anyways, no, I have no idea where to start with contemporary classical music. Can you recommend some good composers?
I know I've said it a million times now but I really, really, really, really really think you could benefit from seeing a therapist. It sounds as though you're having an abnormally difficult time detaching from your ex which speaks to some peculiarity in the way you attached to her. It would really help you both presently and in any future relationships to understand how and why you attach to the women you date.
Beyond a certain point there's not much we on GAF can say - I mean, if I could climb into your head and switch around some wires I would, but I can't, and while I do firmly believe you will get over your ex and you are making progress (trust me, your posts still read like you're making progress, even if it's slow and painful) I can't help but think that progress could be expedited if the difficulties were charged into.
I hope you're able to work things out with the girl. Personally, I'm pretty okay knowing someone I'm dating isn't totally over an ex as long as I am able to trust that our relationship is her priority. She may be the same way, you never know.
Hmm, okay, I'll check that out. Thanks!
Man, I see so many parallels with my anxiety experiences when reading yours. So thanks for that.
I'm still struggling with the constant need to systemize and organize every activity. Like, I want to have a system for keeping up with playing video games, posting on GAF, even posting in this thread, even though those are all things I should only be doing for my personal enjoyment and not out of any misplaced sense of needing to make "progress". Anxiety is so strange.
So depression has largely overtaken anxiety? Sometimes they combine into a sort of super-villain that saps you of both your motivation and your ability to sit still.
Have you gone to the police? Nearly every stand alone ATM these days is outfitted with a camera or two that could have captured a clear shot of your attacker. I implore you to go to the authorities right away.
Hmm, it was my impression that they're able to find you local mental health resources and recommend them to you. Was that not the case? I have a friend who volunteers at the local crisis line and from what I remember of what she's said about her time there they try to give people a "next step" to pursue.
Ultimately, though, there are limits to what they can do, but often it can be a tremendous help just to have someone listen to you.
For what it's worth I had much less in the way of sexual side effects on LexaPro than I did on Zoloft. YMMV, of course!
If you want an antidepressant that can actually INCREASE your sex drive, Welbutrin (Bupropion) is effective for many, though it's very "activating" in general and can cause anxiety. I wasn't able to deal with the anxiety and agitation. Then again, I'm predisposed to those things.
First of all, I'm so glad you've been able to find treatment and support. It's wonderful to read that
Are your panic attacks more physiological (racing heart, short breath, etc) or existential (universe is meaningless, etc) in nature? Or perhaps something else entirely? I've found that panic attack can mean a lot of different things.
For what it's worth, Escitalopram has helped tremendously with my panic attacks, though I've also had to take time to identify their roots / causes and rework some of my behavior to defuse them before they happen.
Also, if the Lorazepam is putting you to sleep perhaps you can speak to your doctor about trying a lower dose? There might be a middle ground where it's effective in calming you down without totally zonking you out.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find some peace and solace soon, whatever it may be.
There are two halves to an effective therapeutic relationship: a willing participant and a compatible therapist.
It's worth asking yourself: have you been completely honest with your therapist? Have you made an effort to talk about uncomfortable or unpleasant topics rather than avoid them? Have you been effective in organizing your thoughts prior to appointments so that you know what's pressing on your mind the most and needs to be talked about, rather than just small talking?
If you are an active, willing participant and the therapist still isn't offering new ways to look at things or giving you thoughts you really don't feel you could have yourself then perhaps you're just not with a compatible therapist. Not every patient is compatible with every therapist. You have to find someone whose style you are comfortable with, someone who you can open up to, someone who "gets" you to some degree.
It's worth noting, however, that it can take quite a bit of time for a therapist to "get" you when you're only meeting once per week. It can sometimes take a few months.
You mention that the therapist tells you things you already know and gives advice you've already tried. Ideally at therapist would help you restructure the things you already know and draw some new connections and perhaps explore why the advice they gave you didn't work in the past.
If things aren't working out with your therapist and you don't think he / she has the potential to connect with you in a meaningful way I would encourage you to look into finding another therapist. One therapist (or two, or even ten) don't define the therapy profession. I didn't think a therapist could ever "get" me until I started seeing the one I'm still seeing today.
It sounds like you've got things structured in such a way that you can never win or be on top of things - only lose and fall behind. That can be a tough scheme to be flexible under!
I believe the recent Affordable Care Act expanded mental health coverage significantly. Specifics still vary from insurer to insurer, though.
As far as I know there is no god-given point to it all. Which is terrifying.
It's up to us to find a "point" for our own lives, I guess. For me it's people and togetherness.
I wish there was a big answer to it all ... but if there is, nobody has found it yet.
<3
For better or worse, humanity covers a wide, wide gamut.
First of all, your not being suicidal is a wonderful and commendable achievement in itself. It's difficult to find a way up from having to face the darkness. I hope you can see at least some progress in yourself and take solace in it.
Obviously I'm missing a lot of specifics here, but why are you debating switching career paths? Do you not enjoy the path you're on now that you're further down the road?
On top of it not being a good idea to discontinue medications without the supervision of a doctor, Cymbalta is a particularly tough medication to go cold turkey on.
Will you be seeing a doctor soon whom you can consult about your wish to change your medication?
<3
blast processed
Member
When I woke up earlier in the day my left leg was bothering me, so I was somewhat frustrated with that on top of several people asking me questions that easily could have been handled provided that they put forth some effort.
My heart was racing and I started to hyperventilate. I blacked out in the office and when I came to, the paramedics were there. I refused to go to the ER because the hospital they wanted to take me to was a death trap, so I signed off on that. When I got home I was exhausted and wanted to sleep but my wife insisted I go. They ran an ultrasound on my leg thinking it was a blood clot. I had an EKG, blood work etc. Followed up with my DR & prescribed me what I listed. Lorazepam is 1MG and I could cut it in half but I figured since I'm not really working right now, a nap during the day isn't so bad.
User 479360
Banned
I know it was stupid of me, and I'm paying for it. I was just happy last week, for the most part, because I met someone and was enjoying her company. However, it didn't end up being more than a fling so my mood hasn't been up there this week. Granted, today wasn't too bad early on.
I've felt horrible since noon, and haven't been able to do much. Tired, flu-like, having issues concentrating on TV. I feel like garbage and took my regular dose.
I think I see my doctor later this month, but there's not much she can do because she probably doesn't have free samples of other types of meds and I have no benefits.
I've felt horrible since noon, and haven't been able to do much. Tired, flu-like, having issues concentrating on TV. I feel like garbage and took my regular dose.
I think I see my doctor later this month, but there's not much she can do because she probably doesn't have free samples of other types of meds and I have no benefits.
She is not okay with this. In fact, it made her quite salty. She asked me to stop talking to her, so I have. Oh well.
Anyway, I know why I'm having a tough time detaching; because she was my first everything and I loved her. My cousin even told me this; the people in my family, when they love who they're with, they love who they're with. There is no 'kinda sorta' about it. I really lost someone special to me. I have a tendency to beat myself up over my own fuck ups. This is a big fuck up of mine. I simply cannot force myself to love someone the same way. That much is clear.
I don't know. I don't have that feeling of enjoyment for most things right now. It's like I'm lacking any motivation for anything, so I can't tell if I want to stay on my career path. I'm majoring in computer science, and while I like creating my own programs and making games with them and whatnot, I'm not big on math, which is a huge requirement. But I can't just power through it because I don't feel a reason to. I have a good plan to get to where I want to go career-wise, but I don't have the motivation to go ahead with this career plan and I don't know if it's because I don't have that fire in general or if it's related to my major.
I most certainly can! As you know, the 20th century can be a bit thorny as far as classical music goes so I like to introduce people with the more melodic stuff first. I could write a book on 20th century classical music so it's hard to narrow things down to a good starting place.
Samuel Barber is one of my favorites. He's a master melodist and terrific orchestrator. Listen to his Essays, the concertos (Violin, Cello, Piano), Souvenirs (nice piano pieces) and of course, the ubiquitous Adagio for Strings.
A little more abstract (especially harmonically) is Benjamin Britten but he's written some amazing music. Try the Piano Concerto, Variations on a Theme by Frank Bridge, Sinfonia da Requiem and if you're feeling especially ambitious and profound, his fucking incredible War Requiem.
The Russians also churned out some great music. Check out Shostakovich and Prokofiev. I'm especially fond of the latter's piano concertos. Shostakovich in particular lived under uncertain and threatening conditions so his music has more sardonic bite to it.
In the latter half of the century, Finland produced some great composers. I love Einojuhani Rautavaara's sound, very visable in his concertos. Spotify has a great disc of all his concertos well worth hearing. Start with the Cantus Arcticus, which basically melds recorded bird sounds with a small orchestra. I've also become addicted to Magnus Lindberg's clarinet concerto. It's not always easy listening but it's frequently moving and just fascinating, the sounds that a clarinet can make.
Oh, and the French. Maurice Ravel started in the late 19th century but mostly worked in the 20th so I'll include him. Listen to his G-major piano concerto. And if you want great piano music, he's your guy. There should be recordings of his complete piano works (2 CDs, usually). Again, Spotify is an amazing source for classical music. I love it.
This should keep you busy for a while. Let me know what you think of this music! What's your major, exactly? Are you a performer, an educator, composer?
RoyaleDuke
Banned
Thanks Piano. <3
I look forward to my Med eval on the 20th, between then and now I have a couple more PT and therapist appointments. I think we are breaking ground and at the very least it gives me a partial outlet and some tools to try and deal with my newfound OCD/ Bipolar I/II and MDD diagnosis and some of the more interesting developments from the last therapy meeting.
I feel a lot better after the meetings, and I constantly find myself referring back to what my therapist/psychologist said during are sessions. It gives me a small sense of peace.
I'm not a 100%, but at least I'm 10% better and I'll take that over zero.
I kind of had a rough day today, my mood has been everywhere and I had a couple OCD spells that were bad but I got over it faster thanks to some of the techniques I learned.
I am also trying to get back to seperating my life from my religion, and meditating twice a day again.
I am going to start writing again tomorrow, probably first do some editing and cleaning up of the mess of folders. ANd then probably post some chapters up here or in the writing thread.
I told my therapist about my novel because she asked about it and she was pretty awestruck by the cathartic nature of the novel, and the kind of themes I'm going with and the overall story. She said it was "Fascinating".
Icelandic_Jazz
Member
I have an issue of being soft-spoken and not being able to physically project my voice. I think it's tied to social anxiety. Talking is not only emotionally draining but physically too. I don't speak up half the time because I don't have the energy, and I seriously can't yell loud enough to be heard over loud music/construction/vehicles etc. I really want to improve on my speech. I don't think my breathing is that shallow or anything... why is talking so hard?
My issues with speaking and my shyness are the two main things I want to overcome right now.
Things have been going great lately besides this though. I posted in this thread a long time ago about wanting to quit my job because I was completely miserable and depressed. Well I ended up quitting that shitty job. I worked my ass off and got a better job that pays more than double in a much healthier and happier environment. I feel like a stronger person. The only thorn in my side now is the social anxiety and loneliness of being in a new area with nobody I know.
My issues with speaking and my shyness are the two main things I want to overcome right now.
Things have been going great lately besides this though. I posted in this thread a long time ago about wanting to quit my job because I was completely miserable and depressed. Well I ended up quitting that shitty job. I worked my ass off and got a better job that pays more than double in a much healthier and happier environment. I feel like a stronger person. The only thorn in my side now is the social anxiety and loneliness of being in a new area with nobody I know.
Yep, I'm right there with you on that weird need to systemize and organize every activity. It's really nice to know that someone else understands what that's like. Hopefully we'll be able to make progress in that area in time. If you eventually have any breakthroughs in that area, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could share!
And yeah, I'd say so. When I was in college my anxiety was so much of an issue that I saw a student therapist for it (which was incredibly helpful). In fact, at that time I didn't even realize I was suffering from depression, though looking back it was pretty obvious that depression had at least begun to set in, even if it may not have been as pronounced as it is now.
Now, however, anxiety doesn't seem like a significant problem to me, just a slight annoyance. Although that could easily be because I've just gotten used to it and anxiety is my new normal or because I'm just not attributing certain problems to anxiety (like how I didn't recognize that the need to organize everything was actually an anxiety-related issue).
With that said, whenever I think about the relationship between anxiety and depression, I can't help but wonder if it's even possible for someone to suffer from one and not the other. They seem to be so completely intertwined and overlapping.
I may be misunderstanding you situation, but if your issue is the cost of meds, you can get generics for super cheap even without any health insurance. My health insurance doesn't cover medications (it's really bad health insurance) and it still only costs me $11 for my monthly prescription of Escitalopram.
I know it's probably not much of a consolation, but even at the best of times trying to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life when you're only 20-ish (give or take a couple years) years old is incredibly difficult for most people.
My personal experience isn't exactly parallel to yours, but I also barely found any enjoyment or enthusiasm for my major (Sociology), but it was the only subject I had any real enthusiasm or excitement for, so I remember often thinking to myself "Well, what else would you rather do instead?" and coming up blank, so I just decided to stick with it. In the end, my main motivation was simply to get my degree, regardless of my major, so that I could have that under my belt.
So I guess my advice would be that unless there is a different subject you found you have a passion for, you should stick with Computer Science, especially if you like creating your own programs/making games and think you would enjoy a job in that field. When depression kicks in and takes away your ability to enjoy things, it might be good to remind yourself that when you weren't so depressed you enjoyed Computer Science, so you should hypothetically be able to enjoy it again when you're out of depression.
Take that advice with a huge pinch of salt though. I'm just kind of throwing that out there.
Unfortunately I don't have any advice regarding the social anxiety, so I'll leave that to someone else, but I did want to congratulate you on your progress and that you were able to find a much better job!
I've tried going to bars alone before and it's not really my thing either. It's a decent way to watch a game or something, but it's not my preferred way to socialize.
For meeting girls I've been a fan of online dating. I don't really like to approach and hit on a girl in every day situations, but on a platform designed for it I feel a lot more comfortable. Clubs/bars are a little trickier because you literally only have the person's image and gestures to go by, a profile and question matching like okcupid helps me a lot. For example I wouldn't be a good match for a religious person, but that's not really something you bring up when initially meeting someone.
Maybe try a dating or meetup website where you can find people similar to you?
Man, I think it's been at least a few months since I've experienced any kind of relief from my depression. Before these past few months I'd usually have a week or two every couple months (not exactly on schedule like that, but on average) where I'd be feeling pretty good and I'd get to come up for air a bit. I also used to be able to count on some relief from substance abuse, which, while unhealthy, at least gave me the comfort of knowing I had a way out from depression (even if it was only temporary). For the past few months though, I haven't had any of those good weeks and I've been avoiding any substance abuse, so the depression has been a bit relentless.
I'm guessing a lot of that is due to having to deal with the side effects of starting SSRIs and then later upping my dose, rather than because of depression worsening. Knowing that doesn't really comfort me that much though. Haha
I'm guessing a lot of that is due to having to deal with the side effects of starting SSRIs and then later upping my dose, rather than because of depression worsening. Knowing that doesn't really comfort me that much though. Haha
Man, I'm feeling really down lately and not sure how to handle it.
It's been more than two years since moving abroad with my family and playing the "trailing husband" is really kicking my ass. Prior to coming here social interactions were incredibly important for me - something I treasured and needed. It's now completely gone. The friends I DO have in Europe live nowhere near this place and every attempt at building relationships with others has failed. There are days where I spend nearly every waking hour without actually talking to anyone.
I work from home, which is sometimes great, but is isolating.
I have to watch our four year old son, which I enjoy, but without adult conversation can grow tiresome when it shouldn't.
My wife's job is insanely difficult and stressful leading her to work untold hours. Coming home late and then proceeding to work until midnight on most nights. It sucks for both of us.
Still working on the language - I can speak OK now but not well enough to participate in social activities plus I'm already fairly shy.
Podcasts are basically my only local friends. I eat lunch watching Youtube personas that I enjoy to act as "conversation".
Plus I have bad health anxiety (have for more than a decade) which tends to increase when I'm feeling down in other ways.
Managed to make an appointment with a therapist, though, which is something that has helped in the past.
It's been more than two years since moving abroad with my family and playing the "trailing husband" is really kicking my ass. Prior to coming here social interactions were incredibly important for me - something I treasured and needed. It's now completely gone. The friends I DO have in Europe live nowhere near this place and every attempt at building relationships with others has failed. There are days where I spend nearly every waking hour without actually talking to anyone.
I work from home, which is sometimes great, but is isolating.
I have to watch our four year old son, which I enjoy, but without adult conversation can grow tiresome when it shouldn't.
My wife's job is insanely difficult and stressful leading her to work untold hours. Coming home late and then proceeding to work until midnight on most nights. It sucks for both of us.
Still working on the language - I can speak OK now but not well enough to participate in social activities plus I'm already fairly shy.
Podcasts are basically my only local friends. I eat lunch watching Youtube personas that I enjoy to act as "conversation".
Plus I have bad health anxiety (have for more than a decade) which tends to increase when I'm feeling down in other ways.
Managed to make an appointment with a therapist, though, which is something that has helped in the past.
Various Artists
Banned
Just got back from the "procedure" that had to be done to remove left over tissue etc. Luckily wife is knocked out from pain killers and anti anxiety medicine that was prescribed to her. I am keeping myself busy by cleaning the house and having a few beers. Thanks for listening and thanks for anyone that shot thoughts or prayers our way.
entremet
Member
Isolation is very difficult on people psychologically.
Have you tried Meetups? Does where you live have a big expatriate community?
I don't if you're into martial arts, but that's a great way to get socialization without the need for total language fluency and the workout itself is great for generating endorphins, the natural feel good chemicals.
Wow, yeah, those sound like monstrous panic attacks. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.
Only thing to watch out for with higher / sleep inducing doses of benzos - depression. When I took too high a dose of Clonazepam and later Diazepam they not only put me to sleep but eventually put me in a very, very dark emotional place. Luckily my doctors recognized it was from the medication and we scaled back.
So if you notice your mood worsening, definitely notify your doctor.
I don't think stupid is the word. Many of us have gotten frustrated with our medications and tried to go cold turkey (myself included). It's tempting sometimes, to be sure, but hopefully we can all train ourselves to resist those impulses.
Like Kipp said, there are many medications that are available quite cheap as generics, so it may be worth looking into if you really feel Cymbalta isn't for you.
Right, but why is there that tendency in your family? Why do you and your family members attach so heavily to your first love? They're interesting questions that may be worth exploring! Few of us end up with our first love, which means many of us have to go through the process of separating from our first love. I needed a lot of help doing so!
You definitely can't force yourself to love someone the same way. But you can try working through the leagues of hurt left over from the breakup and try opening up the space to love again. Maybe you can start with loving yourself?
I most certainly can! As you know, the 20th century can be a bit thorny as far as classical music goes so I like to introduce people with the more melodic stuff first. I could write a book on 20th century classical music so it's hard to narrow things down to a good starting place.
Thank you so much for the recommendations - I copied them down so I can start working through them soon. They're next in line once I listen through Dave Brubeck's series of Time Out albums. I've heard most of those names before and I am familiar with some music by Shostakovitch, whose work I found very interesting (if a bit chaotic, like you said).
I'm in Choral Music Education currently. While I am excited about it it's also quite terrifying - it seems impossible that I'll ever be good enough to run a school choral program without it totally taking over my life, and I really really don't want my job to ever take over my life. When I watch the conductors in my choirs at work I really do want to be able to do what they do but I'm not sure if I'm capable. Perhaps I'll feel better after I take my first Choral Conducting class in the fall - hopefully that'll give me a clearer picture of what I'm capable of.
I fantasize about dropping out all the time, though, not because I don't enjoy it, but because I can get so overwhelmed by other people's expectations of me (or what I perceive to be their expectations) and it seems like that's something that's only going to get MORE intense once I'm in a public school, not less.
I don't know what to do with my life, really. I absolutely love music. I consider my main skills to be writing, music and education. I already have a degree in writing so now I'm getting a degree in music education.
My secondary skills are film / editing and drama.
Problem is, none of those spell out an easy or clear degree path. Music teacher is the clearest one I could come up with, other than maybe be a beat reporter for a local newspaper but I really don't want to do that. I'm regularly swamped with anxiety about how this career is my only chance to have a consistent salary so I'd better not mess it up. I don't want to be famous or anything, just want to make an average salary and be happy doing it.
My music skill set is strange, though. I'm not great at any one instrument. I've been singing for a long time and that's my main instrument at school but I haven't got a performer's voice, not that there's much money in that field anyways. I can play piano reasonably well but never stuck with it enough to get super skilled. What I'm best at is Music Theory and other academic musical pursuits, plus I've been told I'm pretty good at teaching music. Sometimes I wish I was just great at some instrument, or maybe composing, because that would make things simpler.
Oh well.
Sorry to ramble. Clearly I have a lot of anxiety about my skillset.
Wish I felt more skilled. Sometimes the folks on GAF saying LOL SACK UP AND GET A STEM DEGREE BRO ARTS ARE USELESS can hurt my feelings, like everything I consider myself good at is useless.
Wow, it sounds like you're making wonderful progress!
And I strongly support your urge to meditate. I do it in a totally non religious way and it does wonders (slowly, over time, with practice) for my anxiety and attitude toward myself.
What sort of meditation do you do? Breath?
Maybe it's best to expect nothing in particular. Just be prepared to talk about things openly, even if it's uncomfortable. I hope it goes well!
You should feel good about being able to resist the temptations of substance abuse! It took me years to figure out that drugs and alcohol only provided temporary relief from my problems - and those problems often came roaring back even stronger the next day.
It's tough not to have any escapes, though.
Isn't excitement basically a form of anxiety without depression?
I definitely will.
Probably the most progress I've made in the past year has come with learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I try to breathe into the discomfort of going out to a new place or breaking my schedule / system and be okay with it rather than always avoid. Much of this skill has come through working with mindfulness.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
This is wonderful to hear
<3
No worries. And it's good to do what you love and be happy, but those general STEM recommendations are just because it tends to maximize the chance that you make good money. Combine that with people being insensitive on when talking semi-anonymously online and you'll get some meanish posts. Definitely doesn't mean your degree or skills are useless, arts and culture are an important part of life and society.
Finally got new glasses. Feels good to see better... but the new glasses also feel odd, there's some fish-eye effect (these new ones are way stronger than the old ones). Ah, well, i'll get used to these, probably.
Still need to get an appointment at a doctor/psychiatrist/whatever. I'm good at putting it off...
Still need to get an appointment at a doctor/psychiatrist/whatever. I'm good at putting it off...
You will get used to them. I had similar issues with new glasses and I can't wait to continue with contact lenses, when my right eye will recover to that extend. I miss mountain hiking...
Welp. Pretty much just sat in a room for an hour and answered questions and filled out paper work. Had a few moments of genuine talking other then that was all paper work. Then again this was just my case worker. Made an appointment for a health assessment in the coming month as part of my next few intake appointments.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Life is Strange spoilers
Mental Health And Do-Nothing Adults In Life is Strange
Mental Health And Do-Nothing Adults In Life is Strange
Johnny Ryall
Member
Man I hate anxiety. Worrying about imaginary problems. I also have a weird neurosis where I will convince myself that friends who are nice to my face secretly hate me and are just being polite. It's insane. The reality is that they are also imperfect people with their own stuff going on, but when you're lying in bed at night feeling sorry for yourself you start to deconstruct conversations and pick the worst intent. I had a friend snap at me for pretty much no reason yesterday fact is they were probably stressed and it had nothing to do with me.
I worry about losing friends/drifting apart but I have to realise it's out of my control. If they are going to move away/work unsociable hours/just plain not respond to messages then as long as I tried what else can I do really? I've had loads of friends go from daily contact to ignoring messages completely over the years and it kind of hurts. I'm trying to learn not to live life looking for the approval of others because when they fuck off and do their own thing it leaves a gap but it's hard. Someone linked me to some video about the word "sonder" before that basically says it's natural for people to drift in and out of your life but my brain is not wired that way.
Bit of a ramble but hey, words help.
I worry about losing friends/drifting apart but I have to realise it's out of my control. If they are going to move away/work unsociable hours/just plain not respond to messages then as long as I tried what else can I do really? I've had loads of friends go from daily contact to ignoring messages completely over the years and it kind of hurts. I'm trying to learn not to live life looking for the approval of others because when they fuck off and do their own thing it leaves a gap but it's hard. Someone linked me to some video about the word "sonder" before that basically says it's natural for people to drift in and out of your life but my brain is not wired that way.
Bit of a ramble but hey, words help.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
When I first looked into meditation I read a few books on Buddhism and far eastern religion when I was younger(around 15 or 13?), so mostly I just try to focus on my center and trying to find balance. As the Hindi's practice it, a sort of mindfulness asking yourself questions to gain insight.
It's hard to explain, but mostly I sit in a quiet place and assume an open palmed pose and proceed to focus on nothing and yet everything.
wsoxfan1214
Banned
Figured I'd update since not many people do if it works for them:
Escitalopram (Lexapro, 10 mg) helped a ton for anxiety for me. Got off the Xanax and haven't taken any or had any anxiety attacks since November.
Nice to be back to normal after a year of that shit.
Escitalopram (Lexapro, 10 mg) helped a ton for anxiety for me. Got off the Xanax and haven't taken any or had any anxiety attacks since November.
Nice to be back to normal after a year of that shit.
Nice
User 479360
Banned
I forgot how good koRn's Take a Look in the Mirror album is. It's under-appreciated, and really resonates with me due to my depression, these days.
Mwahahaha! Man, I should get back into jazz. I went to a private music school and the jazz and classical students freely mingled. It was good times.
I have a friend who is currently very happy as a music educator. She majored in choral conducting as well and is very busy in her field (just out of college. I think she's 23 or 24 now?). Music is never an easy career path (as you know) but if you love it, I can't imagine anything more satisfying. You just have to get good at networking and that comes with practice.
Really, if you know the difference between an augmented and a major 7th, you're halfway there.
LilWayneSuckz
Member
I went to the ER since I couldn't stand it anymore. A psych professional diagnosed me with depression, then told me that I couldn't go to their outpatient psych facility in order to be prescribed medication since I didn't have the right insurance,
So now I'm just calling psychiatrists in order to get an appointment. I seem to just be getting answering machines which is infuriating.....
So now I'm just calling psychiatrists in order to get an appointment. I seem to just be getting answering machines which is infuriating.....
First wanted to say that I have the exact same values that I'm looking for in a career: making an average salary and be happy doing it and not letting my job take over my life.
I also definitely feel guilt/shame/regret when I see people preaching about how STEM degrees are the only things worth pursuing since I have a Sociology degree, but what helps a bit is reminding myself that I'd be completely unhappy in any STEM career. It does still hurt though.
I hope that taking your Choral Conducting class in the Fall does help with your doubts. It's very easy to overwhelm yourself about something when you have no firsthand knowledge of it and can let your mind run free about what it's like and how hard it will be, but I feel like once you jump into it you'll gain confidence quickly. Best of luck.
Thanks for the encouragement! Definitely the biggest factor in stopping with the substance abuse was finally getting on meds. Partly because I wanted to give myself the best shot at getting better since I finally got treatment and partly because I feel I don't need to self-medicate now that I have legitimate medications.
Hah. I hadn't thought of it like that, but yeah, I guess it is. Anxiety is kind of the flipside of excitement, really, since excitement is anticipating good things while anxiety is anticipating bad things.
Very interesting thought!
Very good to know. I'll definitely keep those things in mind.
And thanks! I'm looking forward to hearing about any future progress!
I'm sorry to hear that you're having those struggles with friendships. I used to have many of those exact same thoughts and it eventually led to me just not really pursuing close friendships. Definitely not the healthiest way to deal with that... But regardless, I do know how painful and anxiety-inducing that is.
It sounds like you're off to a great start in dealing with the pain and anxiety though, since you seem to have a great amount of understanding and awareness.
I hope things are able to improve for you.
Awesome! Congratulations!
That gives me some encouragement as well since I was recently prescribed Escitalopram too, even though it's mainly for depression rather than anxiety.
Have you tried making an appointment with a primary care physician? I was able to get prescribed medication no problem on my first appointment, and primary care physicians are definitely covered by insurance.
You and me both, man. Hang in there.
- Status