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[pixelation]

I'm sorry things are tough, pixelation. Have you considered seeking mental health treatment?
Also, is there anything you've found in life that brings you meaning and purpose?

<3

I have... but i can't because i don't currently have a job/health coverage so i just have to "tough it out", and the thing that brings meaning to my life is boxing since it's one of the things that i'm very good at... but sometimes life is a bit too much.

 

[99hertz]

If you are feeling "too happy" and have boundless energy you should let your doctor know immediately, especially if it's motivating you toward risky behaviors or overspending money. Seriously, it's no joke, I had it happen with two different medications.

I'm spending more than normal in junk food. I don't have much cash around me and I don't have credit cards so it's not much of a problem. I'm a bit of a cheap bastard so I'm spending like a normal person now I guess. I had a session with my therapist today and she was alarmed at the not sleeping thing since the meds I got cause sleepiness. But she told me to tell it to the psychiatrist when I have the next appointment with him/her.

 

[zeemumu]

Missed my appointment at 11 today because I got caught up playing Arkham Knight and called to reschedule for the end of July. There's really nothing going on during July. Everyone is either busy or gone and all I really have to look forward to is Anime Expo at the beginning of the month. Things feel pretty stagnant right now. I started my two summer courses. I haven't talked to some of my closer friends in a while. I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I'm glad that I have my dog to keep me company through everything.

 

[DrM]

And thanks to you too DrM; I mentioned the PTO to my supervisor and he wasn't against it so just four more days then 9 days of NOT THINKING ABOUT WORK

Well that is very good news indeed, just relax and do not think about work at that time
I will have to endure up until 18th of September, only then is my 'mandatory' vacation break for 10 work days (basically two weeks).

 

[darthbob]

I hate how depressions makes you second guess everything about yourself, and about those close to you. (does for me, anyway)

Self doubt is one of the worst effects from depression and right now I'm stuck with it. Just keep telling myself that no one actually likes me, that I don't actually have any friends, and I keep coming up with examples to try and support that reasoning.... ugh, it's the worst feeling.

 

[SeriousApes]

I hate how depressions makes you second guess everything about yourself, and about those close to you. (does for me, anyway)

Self doubt is one of the worst effects from depression and right now I'm stuck with it. Just keep telling myself that no one actually likes me, that I don't actually have any friends, and I keep coming up with examples to try and support that reasoning.... ugh, it's the worst feeling.

Very true. It's like the devil on your shoulder is always winning. It's a self-destructive cycle. And when you keep convincing yourself of these negative thoughts, they eventually become true. I've withdrawn and pushed people away because I kept telling myself negative things. I gave that voice the power. I listen to it and feed my negative emotional state.

I still do this, even though I recognize what I'm doing. But it's like I can't control it. It's like the logical side knows what the truth is, but at a certain point, the negative emotional side overpowers it and I end up spiraling. Again and again. I just wish I could stop it. I try to control it, but eventually I regress...

 

[MisterLuffy]

Surely you can see how much of a knot you're thinking yourself into here?! You got hired for a job and are being told you're doing a great job, yet you feel as though you're doing horribly and will surely be let go soon. That's a dark lens through which to reflect your experiences, and one wonders whether there is any way you could take things more "as they are". If your manager says you're doing a great job, MisterLuffy, I'm inclined to believe his/her judgment

Upsell experiences are always uncomfortable, but, like many other aspects of retail, you will likely get used to it as you get desensitized to others not being interested in your upsell and no longer take it personally. When I had to upsell stuff I never enjoyed it but I gradually learned that I could do it with 90% of customers without taking it personally, and for the other 10% I'd just not offer. Like, if I knew it was going to upset me, I wouldn't offer. I could just say I forgot.

It sounds as though you have gotten more "used" to many aspects of the retail job already! After all, this was a job that seemed COMPLETELY impossible just a few weeks ago, and yet here you are, accomplishing it!

It's not just that I can't sell the credit card, but I couldn't word it in a way that I want to in terms of telling them the benefits. It's like I'm not confident in selling it to them other than them wanting to sign up for one. I don't look forward to this job. When I finished my interview before starting work, I remember thinking how I wasn't going to get it because of my mistakes. Based off how serious they were in training new hires, I've wanted to work there. Now, I don't want to work there anymore. Though some associates are nice but at the same time I feel like they're annoyed of me asking questions or wanting help. What bothers me the most is when something goes wrong during the transactions.

 

[Palpable]

I hate how depressions makes you second guess everything about yourself, and about those close to you. (does for me, anyway)

Self doubt is one of the worst effects from depression and right now I'm stuck with it. Just keep telling myself that no one actually likes me, that I don't actually have any friends, and I keep coming up with examples to try and support that reasoning.... ugh, it's the worst feeling.

I'm right there with you. Felt like I was on top of the world when my ex was with me. She thought the world of me. Now that she's gone for someone else, I figure I'm worthless if I couldn't even keep her.

 

[deranged_666]

First time posting in this thread...

Hey everyone. I have a question pertaining to possible warning signs of something going on, but I feel like rambling a bit first. I'll spare details so it's not too long of a read...

A few years ago, some unforeseen things came up and I was pretty much forced to move away from the area I lived my whole life in to a completely different part of the country. It took me a long time to adjust, but ever since the move, I've developed some really weird issues. For the first year, almost year and a half, I did hardly anything productive. I was in college where I lived previously, with two classes left to go before graduating. Due to my major being weird, my credits wouldn't transfer, so I just felt down and defeated about it. Eventually, I did re-enroll somewhere else (same major) and started fresh, and recently graduated, and I have some career prospects and am working on some stuff now.

But as to these issues...I noticed them right away, and they got worse the more time I spent being unproductive and not doing anything. They kind of subsided when I was in school, but they are still there, and every now and then they come up and I'm left wondering if they point to some sort of depression, or if it's just something stress related, or what...

So, for one, a lot of things really bother me that never did before. Things like, if someone is standing over me while I'm sitting down, or if I'm sitting with someone who is chewing food. I don't know what it is...it feels like a cross between annoyance, anger, and anxiety. I get really upset and nervous, and just want to leave the room. If it persists long enough, I feel faint and sweaty.

The same thing happens at times if I'm in a really crowded and confined environment, like a supermarket on a busy Sunday afternoon. I get nervous, and flighty, and want to get done with it as quickly as possible. A couple of times, being in that situation has lead me to sort of a mini panic attack. I'm always irrationally afraid that I'm in somebody's way, or that someone is close behind me hoping that I'd move faster.

And I guess the big thing that happens sometimes is that I'll just randomly cry, uncontrollably, for seemingly no reason at all. Like there won't be anything that sets me off, I'll be working on something, or watching TV, or even resting, and it'll hit me. It lasts anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes, and a couple of times it has lasted a few hours or for an entire evening.

Now, these things are always in a state of flux. They happened, a lot, before I went back to school and when I had nothing going on. Getting myself busy and doing things seems to ward it off, but I still have moments where it'll just randomly come out of nowhere. About a year ago, I spoke to my primary care doctor about it, and he wrote me a prescription for Xanax, since my issues were more episodic in nature. I find it to be not all that helpful, since the medication will take an hour to kick in, and by that point, usually whatever is causing it occur will have gone away, so I have to kind of time it out when I *think* I'll be in a situation where the episode is likely to come up, and take it then. Other than that, I've just been kind of dealing with it as it comes.

So, I guess my question is, are these potential warning signs of something I should be seeking active treatment for? My doctor did mention that, if this was something that was happening every day or is constant, he would recommend an every day anti-depressant, but I haven't taken him up on that offer, as things seem to be episodic in nature. Is it just stress or loneliness? I haven't had anything close to a social life since I've moved, which is about 4 years now, so I know that's weighing on me, and I miss my friends and stuff like that. But I just don't know if any of this is indicative of something I should be treating more actively.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Thanks for reading, hope everyone is having a great day/night!

 

[Kipp]

Not really any big point to this post, just wanted to share.

So for the past few days I've been thinking really hard about my priorities, because right now I'm working about 60 hours a week, but I've started to have more and more opportunities to do outdoor bouldering and hiking stuff with my friends from the bouldering gym I go to, and that kind of thing has always been my main passion. However my second job mainly works me on weekends, and that stops me from taking advantage of all the opportunities I have to go outdoors and do stuff. Not always though, since I can get shifts covered and ask time off pretty easily.
However, I also really like that part-time job and really don't want to quit even though it would make more time to do something I'm really passionate about and have great experiences, so basically I'm having to think about my priorities and how to make the best use of my time.

But the whole point of saying this is that thinking back to where I was a couple months ago, my main issue was that there was nothing I enjoyed and all I wanted was to have good things in my life again. And now my main issue is that there are too many good things in my life and I need to figure out which need to be given priority. It really puts the "problem" into perspective and makes me incredibly thankful for the place I'm in right now.

So yeah, not really any point to this post. Just kind of wanted to share that.

 

[zeemumu]

Not really any big point to this post, just wanted to share.

So for the past few days I've been thinking really hard about my priorities, because right now I'm working about 60 hours a week, but I've started to have more and more opportunities to do outdoor bouldering and hiking stuff with my friends from the bouldering gym I go to, and that kind of thing has always been my main passion. However my second job mainly works me on weekends, and that stops me from taking advantage of all the opportunities I have to go outdoors and do stuff. Not always though, since I can get shifts covered and ask time off pretty easily.
However, I also really like that part-time job and really don't want to quit even though it would make more time to do something I'm really passionate about and have great experiences, so basically I'm having to think about my priorities and how to make the best use of my time.

But the whole point of saying this is that thinking back to where I was a couple months ago, my main issue was that there was nothing I enjoyed and all I wanted was to have good things in my life again. And now my main issue is that there are too many good things in my life and I need to figure out which need to be given priority. It really puts the "problem" into perspective and makes me incredibly thankful for the place I'm in right now.

So yeah, not really any point to this post. Just kind of wanted to share that.

Money, time, and having things to fill that time with are constantly fighting each other. If you have a lot of time because you don't work or go to classes than you don't have the money to do anything, then when you have the money to do anything you don't have the time, then the time off that you have to do things always falls on a date where there's nothing to do.

 

[Kipp]

Money, time, and having things to fill that time with are constantly fighting each other. If you have a lot of time because you don't work or go to classes than you don't have the money to do anything, then when you have the money to do anything you don't have the time, then the time off that you have to do things always falls on a date where there's nothing to do.

Hah yeah. I've got enough saved up at the moment that it's tempting to just take a bit of time off work (well, not completely, but just work 30-40 hours instead of 60) and start doing some cool stuff. However, in reality I don't think I'd actually be doing enough stuff to fill up all that time. I think my best bet is just to ask some time off to do stuff once every couple weeks.

But as it is, I've already got my next three or four weekends booked up with some fun stuff, so that's pretty cool.

 

[zeemumu]

Hah yeah. I've got enough saved up at the moment that it's tempting to just take a bit of time off work (well, not completely, but just work 30-40 hours instead of 60) and start doing some cool stuff. However, in reality I don't think I'd actually be doing enough stuff to fill up all that time. I think my best bet is just to ask some time off to do stuff once every couple weeks.

But as it is, I've already got my next three or four weekends booked up with some fun stuff, so that's pretty cool.

Yeah, I request time off from my part-time job a few months in advance every so often to go do something. Usually it's to go visit friends out of town. I try not to do it too often because I alter my schedule fairly often to account for school. The last day that I requested off is the day after my birthday because I'm planning on attending D23 (not the Japan one, unfortunately)

 

[spons]

What do you think are the barriers holding you from acceptance? Do you think acceptance is possible in general? Do you think it's possible for you?

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, didn't see your post earlier on, sorry.

It difficult for me to handle at this moment because I feel like there's something wrong with me. In my mind, not even necessarily in those of others, it feels like I've abandoned what are fundamental aspects of society. I don't have a diploma and only had a job for roughly a year. Acceptance comes in where illogically thinking you're a stain on society goes out, but that's not an easy thing to do. Right now I'm going to several therapists, including those for handling my autism and gambling addiction.

Acceptance should be possible if you can find the arguments for why you're wrong in your own mind, as sometimes I just put words in other people's mouths. When I think about it, not many people have said that I'm troublesome or a problem. It's all an assumption I make based on my own thoughts.

I had an argument about an otherwise arbitrary subject on the gaming forum a couple of days ago and felt bad about how it went. I had a mindset I went a discussion in and didn't change my point of view until I felt I was on the wrong side of the argument. Instead of breaking down the arguments of others where I thought they were wrong, I repeated what I thought was correct. The problem here is that I do this in real-life too, it's annoying for others and makes me feel bad and tired about it afterwards.

As for why I tell you this, largely, it just comes down to assumptions. I think I'm correct at something, so let's just repeat that in a discussion, on the internet or elsewhere, ad infinitum. I think I'm a stain on society, so let's just repeat that in my mind even though I haven't heard anyone saying as such. I'm making matters worse for myself by having thoughts that go against my own person.

In the end, when these thoughts are beaten, I think acceptance of who I am is possible.

 

[shadowkat]

Such a tough day today. It's just been adding up. Been at the icu visiting nearly every day for the past 3 weeks which is exhausting. And it's cut into my job search. Lots of rejections. Which of course makes me feel like I won't ever get a job.

 

[grap3fruitman]

Medical marijuana offers only weedy health benefits
so, yeah.

"This doesn't mean that cannabinoids are ineffective for treating these conditions, she says &#8211; just that there is not yet enough evidence to reach any firm conclusions." Yet the title of the article makes a misleading, definitive statement in the negative. My personal experience says otherwise and I cannot emphasis how useful it has been as a tool in fighting mental illness. The medication I'm trying now is no where near as effective and is having tons of other negative side effects that I don't like.

I'm sorry to hear you had a difficult experience, grap3fruitman. What sort of panic attack was it? Under what context did the therapist ask you to leave?

Text book panic attack right in the lobby. Anyway, in my upset state, I made haste for the car and almost left but I went to the department where I was evaluated first and I basically had a breakdown then and there but was able to talk to someone who re-evaluated my situation, actually seemed to care (like our wonderful Piano here), and recommended a multi-week intensive outpatient program. I'm currently on short term disability/FMLA (though working at midnight from home right now FML) and have been attending all this week so far. My diagnosis (so far) is major depressive, generalized anxiety, attention-deficit hyperactivity, post traumatic stress, and panic disorders. I have some schizoaffective symptoms and my genetic father was a diagnosed schizo so that may be coming down the line as well... Speaking of my father, during one of my sessions, my therapist helped me realize just how traumatic his beating my mom and me as a child was. Are you familiar with the baby elephant analogy? Similarly, my PTSD means that my "fight or flight" response is in a state of hyper-arousal and I recoil, freeze and am just as helpless as I was as a child during any stress. Constant bullying at school (I had my accent beaten out of me) just added to this but also made it impossible for me to interact with other human beings on a normal level and I stress about this to this day. I've just started taking Remeron and Adderall and I don't know that they're helping yet but I'm definitely feeling some of the side effects, the worst of which is my irritability. It shows in the dating-age thread and I've been, unfortunately, snapping at home at my brothers. I'm becoming my father essentially by trying to get better, which is another thing I'm now hung up on. The marijuana was infinitely more effective and instantly without the irritability but I haven't used that since I started this program because I would like a proper diagnosis and treating the problem myself would defeat that. Unfortunately, the medicine isn't as effective and has made me feel less connected to my brothers, who are the reason I haven't killed myself yet. That disconnect had me thinking more seriously about ending my life than I have in a while... I didn't smoke but I do have that as a fall-back should things get extreme again. So, yeah. I'm a mess but we knew that. I'm looking forward to getting out of group sessions and hopefully seeing an individual therapist of some sort so I can work out these issues directly.

 

[Mike M]

Holy shit, did I have a bad week.

Depression's been responding well to medication. I've had my social anxiety disorder under control for decades, even with the depression going on. I was doing really, really good. Better than I have in years.

Then comes Tuesday. I was in a meeting with the new director of my department and some other supervisors, and he cited a couple of audit responses I had authored as being examples of how he wasn't going to do things like the previous director. It wasn't his intent or anything, but I was humiliated to have my work pilloried like that. One part of the SAD equation is that I do not handle embarrassment well, and this had the multiplier effects of being in front of other people, coming from an authority figure, and a relative stranger to boot.

This meeting went on for two god damn hours, and I was in a panic the entire time. Decades of experience with coping was nuked from orbit, and I have been an absolute wreck ever since. I'm doing better today at least, but for the previous past three days I was so unhinged that I had a legitimate fear of having a nervous breakdown. I mean, *all* my defenses were just fucking leveled. Aspects of my SAD that were so licked I forgot they even existed started showing up again. Stammering, trembling, fear of speaking to people, just the whole fucking slate of symptoms. The cats would wake me up to feed them at 4:30 in the morning, and my thought process immediately locked into obsessing over what had happened and keep me awake until it was time to go to work.

I had the presence of mind to let HR know what had happened and how that had affected me, and thank god I had a session with my therapist scheduled yesterday. And today I was able to write it all out (since I can't seem to talk about it without breaking down) and explain it to my direct boss, which seems to have helped with the obsession part.

But jesus, I really didn't think I was going to make it. I'm still nowhere near 100%

 

[jb1234]

I had a pretty good month overall until just a few days ago and now I'm in a full-blown flare, crying and just miserable. How am I supposed to live like this? It's really torture in the most literal sense.

 

[Curtisaur]

I lost my job.

Sucks.

Not even at the beginning of a month to allow insurance to last like 30 days. End of month. No time to get refills of anything.

Frrirrigihsigojsdfklsflmksfngfsdkhds/f.,Af;lbmsfdlgz/knfsd g hertz0o4nil

 

[Tomita]

I'm glad things are going a bit smoother in the recent weeks, and while it may be tough to take on a friend's baggage perhaps you can think of it as an investment in your relationship with him/her and thus your future, when your friend may be able to support your weight at a time when your load is too heavy. Plus, uncomfortable as it may be to deal with friends' problems sometimes, it is something that can be quite meaningful and can take away some of that emptiness and loneliness we so often feel.

It's really more that I've begged them to see a therapist for YEARS and they're still putting it off. Even though they finally have things set up to see one. Their family is absolutely terrible and they need to leave the house...well, years ago. It's abusive and terrible. But they can't get a job easily cause of disability (ignoring all the mental hang ups they have). I try to be supportive and there for them, but lately it's been way too hard. They only go to me for anything, and lately I've needed help too and I have to literally beg for attention, multiple times. They've also hurt me a few times this year and in trying to address it I feel dismissed... They say they get how I feel and yet repeat the same mistakes, which really hurt.

Like I get they have issues, I really do. I try giving them all the advice and support I can give but I just feel completely ignored and it's really difficult. They're also my only friend cause everyone else stopped talking to me and are always busy when I try to talk to them.

I'm trying to balance being there for them while not letting their life, which is out of my hands (different state), stress me out, but it's really difficult. At least it's rarely enough to completely and utterly ruin my mood, I can usually cheer myself up in a few hours at the most. But honestly the relationship has felt toxic lately cause they honestly just have too many issues for me to handle. But they're my only friend, and I'm their only friend... Like I said, just trying to find a balance. And failing a lot.

I feel like a prick saying this.



Really sorry about the bad times you're having, Curtisaur and jb1234 <3

 

[Palpable]

Fell incredibly low last night. I had to call off work because of how messed up I was. I looked into therapists and it seems most all of them are out of pocket costs, no insurance accepted. Most are over $100 a session (50 minutes). That's nuts. I need to move passed this. Found out my ex's sister blocked my number (dunno why) so I asked via social media. She said, "I haven't gone anywhere. It's just temporary&#9786;&#65039;" - I do not know what she means by this. Oh well. Messaged an acquaintance I knew via my ex for cardio training. He originally thought I was my ex (number mixed up maybe?) so I informed him who I was. He said he would be glad to train with me free of charge. We made plans for the next night to train. He never showed up & he has not answered my calls or texts since. I suspect he mentioned this to my ex & she told him to ignore me. Weird. The past week has been hellish. Climaxing last night with what felt like death. When will this hell end..?

 

[Curtisaur]

i can't sleep

i feel like i always fail

medicine isn't helping me sleep and it's a hefty dose that i took a bit ago (600mg seroquel, 1mg clonazepam, 3mg lunesta)

i have to be up in 4 hours to get my car inspected

if it doesn't pass (i have cracked light covers - the lights still work though) i don't have the money to fix it

another failure

do i just stop

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

As an experienced person whose taken many sleep aids. Try to scale back. You build up tolerance and it certainly doesn't help that when you pile on drugs it increases the risk of amnesia/sleepwalking where you can actually get into real deep trouble.

Where do you live and can you apply for financial assistance if it doesn't pass? I know they only do that for smog check here in California, but you never now.

 

[Hylian7]

It's been a while since I posted here, as I was banned for the last two weeks, but a little update.

My Vyvanse (for ADHD) was upped again and I had a 100% sleepless night, and was mostly unable to sleep without something like Tylenol PM. Other than that, it was great, I felt the most focused I ever had. Being unable to sleep was kind of a major problem though, so I called the doctor.

She switched me to Adderall, and after an insurance clusterfuck and 3 days without meds, I finally got it. So far I have felt somewhere between no medication/dosages of Vyvanse before the last one and the last dosage of Vyvanse. Basically it alleviates a little bit of the ADHD symptoms, but definitely not enough. I already have a doctor's appointment Monday and I will bring this up. The other issue is Adderall is giving me insomnia too. If I take Tylenol PM I can sleep just fine, and better than ever. I don't take it every night as I want to see if I can sleep without it. It always takes me way too long to.

On a typical day right now, I take my Adderall at 9am (going to try 8am tomorrow) and go back to sleep, usually waking up for real around 12 or 1. I stay up late, and still don't even feel slightly tired by 4am. It is extremely frustrating, as part of why I stay up so late is to tire myself out so I go to sleep, but it only really works if I take Tylenol PM.

Obviously I will get the doctor's advice on this on Monday, but what do you guys think? Should I just take the Tylenol PM every night to sleep or is it addictive/dependence forming? If no to the above, any tricks to help me sleep while on Adderall/other ADHD meds?

 

[Kipp]

It's been a while since I posted here, as I was banned for the last two weeks, but a little update.

My Vyvanse (for ADHD) was upped again and I had a 100% sleepless night, and was mostly unable to sleep without something like Tylenol PM. Other than that, it was great, I felt the most focused I ever had. Being unable to sleep was kind of a major problem though, so I called the doctor.

She switched me to Adderall, and after an insurance clusterfuck and 3 days without meds, I finally got it. So far I have felt somewhere between no medication/dosages of Vyvanse before the last one and the last dosage of Vyvanse. Basically it alleviates a little bit of the ADHD symptoms, but definitely not enough. I already have a doctor's appointment Monday and I will bring this up. The other issue is Adderall is giving me insomnia too. If I take Tylenol PM I can sleep just fine, and better than ever. I don't take it every night as I want to see if I can sleep without it. It always takes me way too long to.

On a typical day right now, I take my Adderall at 9am (going to try 8am tomorrow) and go back to sleep, usually waking up for real around 12 or 1. I stay up late, and still don't even feel slightly tired by 4am. It is extremely frustrating, as part of why I stay up so late is to tire myself out so I go to sleep, but it only really works if I take Tylenol PM.

Obviously I will get the doctor's advice on this on Monday, but what do you guys think? Should I just take the Tylenol PM every night to sleep or is it addictive/dependence forming? If no to the above, any tricks to help me sleep while on Adderall/other ADHD meds?

Like you already said, obviously get the doctor's advice on Monday, but instead of Tylenol PM, I would try melatonin. Taking 0.5mg of melatonin should work much better for you.
The active ingredient for the sleepiness part of Tylenol PM is Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, which (at least in my personal experience) makes you super groggy for hours even after you wake up. Melatonin seems to be more effective and makes me much less groggy.
Fair warning, you will develop a slight dependence on melatonin (and likely on diphenhydramine as well, but I don't know for sure off the top of my head), but only to the extent that once you decide to try to sleep without it, you'll just have a little bit of trouble falling asleep the next couple nights. Not really that big of a deal.

Sorry for all the anecdotal evidence. Hopefully I could help.
Best of luck getting your ADHD meds sorted out!

 

[zeemumu]

A little tired today. Work's gonna take up a majority of my day today, but I'm happy that I was actually fairly productive yesterday. I got through a good chunk of my to do list and I managed to overcome one of my biggest issues, which was basically the fear that I would for some reason say something stupid or horrible in front of everyone and get embarrassed. That breakthrough happened late last night though so I won't see the effects of it until later today. Still bored and alone, though. I should fix that at some point if I even know how.

 

[MikeDip]

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

Mentally things are pretty good but my sleep is totally fucked. It feels like it doesn't take sometimes, can that even happen? I'll sleep a full 9 hours and wake up exhausted, eyes heavy can't keep them open. Like I haven't slept in a week.

Wild stuff I don't think I like it.

Speaking of, it's nap time

 

[Ashes]

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

https://youtu.be/xxOviBI-8fc

 

[spons]

I just want to vent a little bit about oxazepam, and benzos in general. These things lose their strength like it's nobody's business. Been taking it for about 6 weeks and I can't feel a thing anymore. Seriously considering dropping it instead of taking a higher dose. Useless excuse of a medicine. If you almost have a permanent anxiety or can barely sleep, don't bother with this shit as you'll be taking these pills everyday and they're going to stop working after about a month or so.

I ain't a doctor by the way, so if you think it works for you, don't take this post as anything other than a short rant.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

Happy Birthday, hope things goes well for you.

 

[DrM]

I am having a rough few last days and my therapist is on her summer break somewhere on the far East. Oh well, I will manage somehow.. :\

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

Happy birthday

 

[Tomita]

Happy Birthday, MikeDip

 

[jb1234]

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

Happy birthday, Mikey! Love you!

(Even if the way you continue to kick Dark Souls 2 DLC boss ass pisses me off...)

 

[BUNTING1243]

Haven't felt this bad in months. I guess it's summer and I don't have as much to do. I can feel myself isolating but I also don't really have the willpower to pull myself out. Hmmm.

 

[Hylian7]

Like you already said, obviously get the doctor's advice on Monday, but instead of Tylenol PM, I would try melatonin. Taking 0.5mg of melatonin should work much better for you.
The active ingredient for the sleepiness part of Tylenol PM is Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, which (at least in my personal experience) makes you super groggy for hours even after you wake up. Melatonin seems to be more effective and makes me much less groggy.
Fair warning, you will develop a slight dependence on melatonin (and likely on diphenhydramine as well, but I don't know for sure off the top of my head), but only to the extent that once you decide to try to sleep without it, you'll just have a little bit of trouble falling asleep the next couple nights. Not really that big of a deal.

Sorry for all the anecdotal evidence. Hopefully I could help.
Best of luck getting your ADHD meds sorted out!

Sounds good, I ended up taking Benadryl late last night since I just needed to sleep for a little bit and not all day. I'm just going to take Tylenol PM to sleep tonight and tomorrow night. I generally haven't felt groggy waking up from it before.

Regardless, we'll see what the doctor says on Monday. I really need something that calms down my symptoms, doesn't give me anxiety, and won't keep me up all night.

 

[Curtisaur]

I have an interview tomorrow. Eight hours from now. But at the same time I'm ready to die. I just don't give a fuck. All ventures in the past 5 years end in me being fired. I'm the lowest common denominator. I'm not necessary.

I only wanna stay alive for purely selfish reasons: covering my body with tattoos (and some non-selfish reasons: shoveling my artist money and attention because I love his style and work, hoping questions of who and where lead to more work for him).

 

[Ashes]

I have an interview tomorrow. Eight hours from now. But at the same time I'm ready to die. I just don't give a fuck. All ventures in the past 5 years end in me being fired. I'm the lowest common denominator. I'm not necessary.

I only wanna stay alive for purely selfish reasons: covering my body with tattoos (and some non-selfish reasons: shoveling my artist money and attention because I love his style and work, hoping questions of who and where lead to more work for him).

& this negative thinking is helping how?
Got to break this cycle of thought man.

 

[depths20XX]

I'm really not sure what to do with myself anymore. Here I am, awake at 4am on a work night, unable to fall back asleep (this happens every night). This past year has been the worst of my life.

I'm constantly tired and my thoughts are destroying me. I've cut back my drinking as it was starting to effect me pretty badly. The only thing now is that instead of a rollercoaster of highs and lows I'm just at a steady low.

I typically have no idea what to do with myself and my past hobbies no longer bring me any joy. Weekends are usually spent getting in and out of bed aside from going out to drink with friends on Friday or Saturday.

Ever since I was young I never felt I was long for this world. Never pictured myself growing old with a family. I see ex's moving on and still growing as people where as I've just completely stagnated (aside from me being more sociable these days).

I feel like I'm almost at the end and I vary from being happy with that idea to completely saddened by it. I cried 3 times this past weekend and I'm not even sure why. I've planned out my suicide multiple times in my head these past months and I hate thinking that way. At times I almost feel at peace with the idea though.

I know that there are good things about me and I still have my health and a great family. When I do hang out with friends they enjoy my company. I don't think most of them realize how terrible I feel when we aren't hanging out. I wouldn't dare tell them because no one wants to hear a whiner. I just don't know why I'm unable to be happy. I feel like an engine that just won't turn over.

Mostly I just wanted to get this out into words as I feel I can't tell anyone these things. This thread seems to be a dumping ground for these thoughts. I'd like to find a therapist this week. I want to get better and I know I'm a great person. There's just something that's been broken and I don't know how to fix it.

 

[Ashes]

I wouldn't dare tell them because no one wants to hear a whiner. [/B] I just don't know why I'm unable to be happy. I feel like an engine that just won't turn over.

Mostly I just wanted to get this out into words as I feel I can't tell anyone these things. This thread seems to be a dumping ground for these thoughts. I'd like to find a therapist this week. I want to get better and I know I'm a great person. There's just something that's been broken and I don't know how to fix it.

I think within the scope of tactfulness, you may yet slowly begin to talk to friends about how things don't feel right.

I remember a friend just broaching the feelings of sadness, and another friend hugged them, and told them to NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON HOPE. etc

 

[MooMoo]

All things considered it sounds like the talk went pretty well! I'm so glad to hear that and by now I'm sure you're even more excited that you're only two days away from some more time off of work

Yeah so my project manager came to me two days after my meeting with my temp supervisor and informed me they'll be merging a few projects together so that it'll be a team effort instead of just me all by my lonesome. I still don't think it directly addresses the problem though if the component I'm working on is still relatively isolated from everyone else. And while he told me it'd take about 1.5 weeks for this merger to happen, who knows how long it'll actually take...

Well that is very good news indeed, just relax and do not think about work at that time
I will have to endure up until 18th of September, only then is my 'mandatory' vacation break for 10 work days (basically two weeks).

I failed, I opened my work email this morning But no more touching it until I'm back that's for sure. September's not too far from now and two weeks off is pretty awesome.

This job makes me so anxious, I just woke up and my dreams/nightmares were about work. Bleh...

 

[Piano]

I'm spending more than normal in junk food. I don't have much cash around me and I don't have credit cards so it's not much of a problem. I'm a bit of a cheap bastard so I'm spending like a normal person now I guess. I had a session with my therapist today and she was alarmed at the not sleeping thing since the meds I got cause sleepiness. But she told me to tell it to the psychiatrist when I have the next appointment with him/her.

That sounds like a good plan, 99hertz, I would definitely bring it up. But in the mean time I doubt a little extra junk food is gonna do too much harm

Missed my appointment at 11 today because I got caught up playing Arkham Knight and called to reschedule for the end of July. There's really nothing going on during July. Everyone is either busy or gone and all I really have to look forward to is Anime Expo at the beginning of the month. Things feel pretty stagnant right now. I started my two summer courses. I haven't talked to some of my closer friends in a while. I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I'm glad that I have my dog to keep me company through everything.

Well, your summer courses could keep you occupied, right? Have you talked at all to the folks who sit around you in your courses? Perhaps you could make some new friends!

I've challenged myself to start being a bit more social in my classes after realizing I got through a whole year at school without making a single friend in my program. The only friends I made were through other connections. I'm not striking up big elaborate conversations with everyone, just trying to chat briefly with at least one person a day in my class, usually whomever shows up first before class starts since I'm usually early. I've found that I feel most comfortable if I mostly just ask them questions ("how was your weekend?") instead of trying to find something to "talk about". It seems to be working. One of my classmates waved to me earlier today on campus, which felt like progress.

It's not just that I can't sell the credit card, but I couldn't word it in a way that I want to in terms of telling them the benefits. It's like I'm not confident in selling it to them other than them wanting to sign up for one. I don't look forward to this job. When I finished my interview before starting work, I remember thinking how I wasn't going to get it because of my mistakes. Based off how serious they were in training new hires, I've wanted to work there. Now, I don't want to work there anymore. Though some associates are nice but at the same time I feel like they're annoyed of me asking questions or wanting help. What bothers me the most is when something goes wrong during the transactions.

I really, truly, firmly believe that you'll adjust to these discomforts just as you've adjusted (amazingly well!) to the other discomforts of the job. In fact, I think you've already adjusted to much bigger changes than the credit card upsell, and I hope you can try to take your coworkers at their word rather than jump to assuming you're annoying them.

Personally, when I worked retail, I sort of enjoyed fielding newer employees' questions. Being able to answer and teach them things made me feel like I was good at what I did, you know?

I really think you're doing a great job, MisterLuffy. I know it doesn't feel that way, but the progress you've made with this job over the past few weeks really, really is obvious.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Thanks for reading, hope everyone is having a great day/night!

Thanks for joining us, deranged.
I'm certainly not qualified to decide what your symptoms and emotional fluctuations may or may not mean, but, personally, I like to think that health comes first, so I'd encourage you to follow up with a mental health specialist in order to gauge what can be done about your symptoms. There are two main options: a therapist or a psychiatrist. A therapist can give you insight and behavioral assistance if you think your symptoms are something you can learn to manage and balance as they are currently, and a psychiatrist can give you medication that can minimize your symptoms if they're simply too much to learn to manage. Medicine can also be used temporarily to calm things down while you learn to manage it.

Let me know if you have any questions!

As for why I tell you this, largely, it just comes down to assumptions. I think I'm correct at something, so let's just repeat that in a discussion, on the internet or elsewhere, ad infinitum. I think I'm a stain on society, so let's just repeat that in my mind even though I haven't heard anyone saying as such. I'm making matters worse for myself by having thoughts that go against my own person.

In the end, when these thoughts are beaten, I think acceptance of who I am is possible.

The differentiating factor here, spons, is that you seem to have a tremendous awareness of your own thought process and the varying justifications for your thoughts, opinions, and actions. There are many, many people that aren't able to do that - aren't able to "shine the light back on itself" and see what movements in their thoughts and feelings gives rise to their condition. It is a truly valuable quality.

I know this is a broad question, but do you have a sense of what didn't work with the therapists and psychologists you've seen previously? They cannot cure you, sure, so if one operates with that expectation they are surely to be disappointed, but in my experience therapy is largely structured to engender coping and, well, acceptance!

I am glad you know acceptance is possible. I hope you continue to think deeply about your condition and share whatever you feel comfortable with us. We can all use some of each others' perspective.

Such a tough day today. It's just been adding up. Been at the icu visiting nearly every day for the past 3 weeks which is exhausting. And it's cut into my job search. Lots of rejections. Which of course makes me feel like I won't ever get a job.

Job searches are hell. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time, shadowkat. I hope you're able to find a rhythm with it soon.

I'm looking forward to getting out of group sessions and hopefully seeing an individual therapist of some sort so I can work out these issues directly.

I know you got banned, but I'd still like to reply in the hoop that you're lurking.
I'm sorry things have been so tough for you, grap3fruitman. It sounds as though you've had some experiences that I truly cannot understand, and thus, I don't have any solutions for you. I wish I did. However, I do firmly believe in the potential of treatment, even for situations as complex as yours, and I think you're right that seeing an individual therapist would be of great help in working out your issues directly. I hope my previous replies on how to locate treatment, how to interface with therapy and so on were of some help. I hope when you're unbanned you can give us an update. I hope you are able to find relief.

Holy shit, did I have a bad week.

I had the presence of mind to let HR know what had happened and how that had affected me, and thank god I had a session with my therapist scheduled yesterday. And today I was able to write it all out (since I can't seem to talk about it without breaking down) and explain it to my direct boss, which seems to have helped with the obsession part.

But jesus, I really didn't think I was going to make it. I'm still nowhere near 100%

Mike, I'm so sorry you had a tough week. That being said, it sound like you handled it really well, and I am really impressed that you were able to externalize your feelings in both writing and to the relevant figures at your job. A well timed therapy appointment is just icing on the cake

I hope things look up this week. It sounds like you're headed back toward 100%, however slow the pace may be.

I'm trying to balance being there for them while not letting their life, which is out of my hands (different state), stress me out, but it's really difficult. At least it's rarely enough to completely and utterly ruin my mood, I can usually cheer myself up in a few hours at the most. But honestly the relationship has felt toxic lately cause they honestly just have too many issues for me to handle. But they're my only friend, and I'm their only friend... Like I said, just trying to find a balance. And failing a lot.

I feel like a prick saying this.

You shouldn't feel like a prick! Friendships can be exhausting, and there is nothing wrong with that. Do you know any of your friends other friends / supports, or is there anyone else you can reach out to in order to put heads together about the situation? I found it helpful a few years ago to talk to some friends of a friend I had to notify them what was going on, as I simply couldn't be the only support any more. I broke a bit of secrecy, sure, but it was truly necessary for others to know.

You can only give what you've got available. Be a good friend to the best of your ability but don't worry about getting beyond that.

I had a pretty good month overall until just a few days ago and now I'm in a full-blown flare, crying and just miserable. How am I supposed to live like this? It's really torture in the most literal sense.

I'm so sorry jb
Is there anything I can do? Get in touch if you need to talk.

Fell incredibly low last night. I had to call off work because of how messed up I was. I looked into therapists and it seems most all of them are out of pocket costs, no insurance accepted. Most are over $100 a session (50 minutes). That's nuts. I need to move passed this. Found out my ex's sister blocked my number (dunno why) so I asked via social media. She said, "I haven't gone anywhere. It's just temporary&#9786;&#65039;" - I do not know what she means by this. Oh well. Messaged an acquaintance I knew via my ex for cardio training. He originally thought I was my ex (number mixed up maybe?) so I informed him who I was. He said he would be glad to train with me free of charge. We made plans for the next night to train. He never showed up & he has not answered my calls or texts since. I suspect he mentioned this to my ex & she told him to ignore me. Weird. The past week has been hellish. Climaxing last night with what felt like death. When will this hell end..?

Have you tried looking for therapists through your insurer? Usually they have a website where you can search or can give you a list of covered providers in your area. Definitely give it a try!

Yo today is my birthday so send me all your good vibes and millions of dollars and happiness and everything else you can think of please.

Mentally things are pretty good but my sleep is totally fucked. It feels like it doesn't take sometimes, can that even happen? I'll sleep a full 9 hours and wake up exhausted, eyes heavy can't keep them open. Like I haven't slept in a week.

Wild stuff I don't think I like it.

Speaking of, it's nap time

I know I'm two days late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Haven't felt this bad in months. I guess it's summer and I don't have as much to do. I can feel myself isolating but I also don't really have the willpower to pull myself out. Hmmm.

Isolation is both taxing and tempting. I'm still struggling with my temptations to isolate myself even though I've seen many times how much it drags me down. I think lowering your level of isolation however possible would be a good idea. Is there anywhere you can go, anyone you can see or talk to?

I have an interview tomorrow. Eight hours from now. But at the same time I'm ready to die. I just don't give a fuck. All ventures in the past 5 years end in me being fired. I'm the lowest common denominator. I'm not necessary.

I'm sorry you're in such a low place, Curtisaur. I hope the interview went well.

<3

 

[Tomita]

I'm really not sure what to do with myself anymore. Here I am, awake at 4am on a work night, unable to fall back asleep (this happens every night). This past year has been the worst of my life.

I'm constantly tired and my thoughts are destroying me. I've cut back my drinking as it was starting to effect me pretty badly. The only thing now is that instead of a rollercoaster of highs and lows I'm just at a steady low.

I typically have no idea what to do with myself and my past hobbies no longer bring me any joy. Weekends are usually spent getting in and out of bed aside from going out to drink with friends on Friday or Saturday.

Ever since I was young I never felt I was long for this world. Never pictured myself growing old with a family. I see ex's moving on and still growing as people where as I've just completely stagnated (aside from me being more sociable these days).

I feel like I'm almost at the end and I vary from being happy with that idea to completely saddened by it. I cried 3 times this past weekend and I'm not even sure why. I've planned out my suicide multiple times in my head these past months and I hate thinking that way. At times I almost feel at peace with the idea though.

I know that there are good things about me and I still have my health and a great family. When I do hang out with friends they enjoy my company. I don't think most of them realize how terrible I feel when we aren't hanging out. I wouldn't dare tell them because no one wants to hear a whiner. I just don't know why I'm unable to be happy. I feel like an engine that just won't turn over.

Mostly I just wanted to get this out into words as I feel I can't tell anyone these things. This thread seems to be a dumping ground for these thoughts. I'd like to find a therapist this week. I want to get better and I know I'm a great person. There's just something that's been broken and I don't know how to fix it.

Could you try watching TV/Netflix or play mindless video games, read, listen to music? Just as a first step, try to do something in bed instead of nothing. Then try doing it out of the bed. Etc. Even if it's just watching animal documentaries or something, hopefully it can distract you a bit from the negative thoughts at least.

Also, I think you should tell your friends something. First off, complaining about these sorts of issues is not whining. Not when you're debating suicide. It's really, really not. Regardless, you can just say a small thing, like you're feeling stressed or just under the weather. It's not that you have to tell them everything. Some honestly would be good, though. I think they would really like to know if you were feeling so bad off. Then just take it from there--see how they react and stuff.

 

[poodpick]

Has anyone here lost weight while on seroquel? I've finally figured out a good mix of medications so the sedation and increased appetite from seroquel is reduced. Just wondering whether simply reducing caloric intake with light exercise is enough to lose some weight.

 

[Tomita]

You shouldn't feel like a prick! Friendships can be exhausting, and there is nothing wrong with that. Do you know any of your friends other friends / supports, or is there anyone else you can reach out to in order to put heads together about the situation? I found it helpful a few years ago to talk to some friends of a friend I had to notify them what was going on, as I simply couldn't be the only support any more. I broke a bit of secrecy, sure, but it was truly necessary for others to know.

You can only give what you've got available. Be a good friend to the best of your ability but don't worry about getting beyond that.

No one else to talk to. All our mutual friends got too busy and don't talk anymore. They have a friend who is not really my friend since I'm too shy to talk to them. But I don't really trust them to talk to them about serious stuff. I feel like they would end up telling my friend things I said, just out of plain ignorance, cause they're uh...not the brightest crayon in the box? Very nice guy, but...yeah, not bright. lol.

So I barely talked to my friend in 3-4 days and when I do I'm obviously not in a good mood cause I fail at hiding it. In a heat wave, which worsens my mood, so it's not solely cause of this. But yeah, I feel like I can't address any of my problems anymore. Every time I do I just repeat myself (and it's about really obvious, common sense shit too; like, why do I even need to say this, let alone spell it out and hold their hand??) and I'm so fucking tired of it. And if I push too much I could make them suicidal cause they'll get it into their head that I hate them so there's "nothing left" or some shit, no matter how clear I am that NO I DON'T HATE YOU CAUSE YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND.

They're just too far fucking gone and still won't see a therapist. I tried to offer advice a few days ago and got ignored. Again. Not even just a "I disagree" or "I'll comment later." Ignored. So I said something else yesterday in an email and it's getting ignored AGAIN but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. They might have only gotten around to reading it last night after I was gone and wanted to wait until we're both online to talk? I'm hoping? Cause I already told them before I don't like being ignored. I think that's, like, basic human interaction, to not ignore someone.

I'm at the point of just giving up and sucking up my problems cause they don't seem to care if they won't try to do simple stuff like not ignore me except I don't know how long I can suck up my problems when the accumulation just makes me more and more upset every time. Last time I tried to have a serious conversation I had to say the same shit, I had to repeat myself, then I found out they were on the phone while talking to me and didn't get why I was upset about that. I felt like they weren't even trying so I literally don't know what to do anymore. I get they have so much stress but I think "don't ignore me" and "don't do stuff you know is going to hurt my feelings" is asking too much? Is it? I feel petty as fuck right now.

There is my stupid rant cause I'm still not over it. It feels wrong to lie about your feelings and act like everything is okay when it's not; I would hate for my friend to do that to me. So for me to have to do this...not even sure I can, but also, it's so gross and dishonest. But it's been months and they keep hurting me and, if they are listening, they certainly aren't applying what we talk about. They just guilt trip themselves over it no matter what I say, how I say it. They didn't use to be like this and I still want to be their friend, and I know they need me. If I didn't talk to them they would seriously kill themselves. So no pressure or anything....

 

[depths20XX]

Could you try watching TV/Netflix or play mindless video games, read, listen to music? Just as a first step, try to do something in bed instead of nothing. Then try doing it out of the bed. Etc. Even if it's just watching animal documentaries or something, hopefully it can distract you a bit from the negative thoughts at least.

Also, I think you should tell your friends something. First off, complaining about these sorts of issues is not whining. Not when you're debating suicide. It's really, really not. Regardless, you can just say a small thing, like you're feeling stressed or just under the weather. It's not that you have to tell them everything. Some honestly would be good, though. I think they would really like to know if you were feeling so bad off. Then just take it from there--see how they react and stuff.

I honestly haven't watched TV/Netflix in months. Video games don't really seem to hold my attention anymore either as I just think about how it's a waste of time. Music is great and I still enjoy listening and playing music myself but that's typically when I'm drinking. It's like I know what I SHOULD be doing to get better but getting myself to do those things and enjoy them is very difficult right now.

I've mentioned to friends before that I've been in a "rough spot" or "dealing with issues" before but it doesn't go far beyond that, nor do they really offer advice. I wouldn't expect them to know what to say anyways and that's ok. It's not like they realize I'm doing stupid things like planning my suicide note. I definitely thank the people in my life when they have helped me through times, whether they knowingly helped me or not. I do appreciate the people close to me. Being able to pull myself up and put on that "happy face" when hanging out is getting difficult though.

I've been in this spot years ago and was able to climb out of it. It just seems much more difficult this time. That's why I'm looking possibly to therapy. I don't think I can do it on my own.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

Last couple days I've woken up feeling sad and just kinda down in the dumps. My mood kinda leveled off for a bit when I first started my medication but now it feels like it's starting to rebound slightly. I just wish it didn't take so long to see any improvements. But it's been only two weeks, I'm just super impatient.

I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I desperately want to move out and start my life and yet I'm still stuck here. I just want to do something with my life but it's been hell trying to get anywhere.

 

[zeemumu]

T
Well, your summer courses could keep you occupied, right? Have you talked at all to the folks who sit around you in your courses? Perhaps you could make some new friends!

I've challenged myself to start being a bit more social in my classes after realizing I got through a whole year at school without making a single friend in my program. The only friends I made were through other connections. I'm not striking up big elaborate conversations with everyone, just trying to chat briefly with at least one person a day in my class, usually whomever shows up first before class starts since I'm usually early. I've found that I feel most comfortable if I mostly just ask them questions ("how was your weekend?") instead of trying to find something to "talk about". It seems to be working. One of my classmates waved to me earlier today on campus, which felt like progress.

Literally no one in either class says a word the entire time. It's kinda weird. On top of that, Computer Science isn't a very social major.

 

[jb1234]

I'm so sorry jb
Is there anything I can do? Get in touch if you need to talk.

Thanks, dude. Remember, download that Ys Origin demo! For those who know me and my obsession with this series (Mike, Bagels, Fishy and so on), I'm working on getting Piano addicted to the best action RPG series of all time!

 

[Blues1990]

It’s been a while since I have posted here, and I really want someone to talk to.

-I have given up trying to make new friends, as I have applied what I have learned from my psychiatrist at a multitude of group meet ups and trying new things. But every person that I have come across is so busy texting or holding onto what they have, they can’t even bother to care how others are doing. At first, it had only annoyed me and I thought it was just a one-off thing, but after participating at 207 activities in Vancouver, it is becoming more difficult to dealing with people. You don’t know how much I have to hold back from screaming at them or snatching their cell phone & chucking it. I despise how selfish people are, and I hate that my life is a routine of exercise, work, drawing, designing, and video games. I can’t expand my social circle (outside from work, in which most of the people are barely acquaintances) and I can’t move on from my failures as a human being. Being on medication isn’t helping matters, and I don’t want my life to revolve around being tied to a medicine bottle and wasting my breath with a stuffy psychiatrist.

-I can’t contact my friends, as they are either too busy or they don’t bother responding to me.

-With regards to friendships, I feel that it’s ALWAYS on their terms and never yours. The whole friendship thing being on people’s own values bugs me, as there are a lot of people who don’t think about how others feel. It is horrible, especially when you feel like you give too much and they don’t give enough. This is also aggravating when someone tells me that I don’t respect them, when they often fail to give me respect. Earning respect has been so glorified that we’ve forgotten to give basic respect to anyone.

-I know that I can be a fun guy to be around, but people are not willing to give me a chance or can’t be bothered, due to their selfishness.

-I’m currently playing Mario Kart 8, as I can’t sleep right now. Either I have thoughts of people on my mind, or I cannot fall asleep, due to the pot smokers next door and the intense heat. I’m feeling sluggish as a result, but I don’t know what to do.

 

[Kipp]

Oi. I've been doing pretty well in general lately, but I woke up this morning with that kind of baseless vague feeling of loneliness/emptiness/sadness. Not sure what that's all about. And now I have to sit at a desk in an office all by myself and kind of marinate in that feeling without having anyone else here to help me get out of it.
I'm really hoping I get this other job I think I have a pretty good chance at. Working alone at a desk all day in an office by myself is not great for me.

Also, do people develop a sort of tolerance to SSRIs at all? Like, is that a thing? Just curious because I feel like I may be slipping a tiny bit backwards. Not anything too significant or distinctly noticeable, but I also feel like I'm not in quite as good of a place as I was when the SSRIs first kicked in. I'm a little bit tempted to talk to my doctor about upping the dose and seeing if it helps at all.

It&#8217;s been a while since I have posted here, and I really want someone to talk to.

I don't really have any advice, but I just want to say I've been struggling with the same kinds of things regarding hanging out with people.

Especially being a person who makes plans and sticks to them and values that highly in other people... It can be very frustrating. I'm learning to become less frustrated with people and realize that other people are just built differently from me. They don't mean anything by it usually, it's just the way they are. Some people just are awful at planning.