unity of the void
Member
Some medications will give a person inorgasmia, so it could be a side effect. But to answer your question, I don't think there is any health concerns with not masturbating, so you should be fine.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Some medications will give a person inorgasmia, so it could be a side effect. But to answer your question, I don't think there is any health concerns with not masturbating, so you should be fine.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Everything feels so bleak and meaningless.
This is not ever going to get better and I'm getting tired of the fight.
This is not ever going to get better and I'm getting tired of the fight.
Well, I get rock hard but it's hard to orgasm. Think of it like those infinite Mario 64 stairs.
unity of the void
Member
Hopefully you can get to a place where the bleakness and meaningless becomes a source of beauty or inspiration. Personally, I feel it is okay that the world is bleak and meaningless because it gives agency to all of my thoughts or desires. It is freeing to know that although everything is meaningless, I have the will or power to do what I want regardless of attachment or construct.
However, it is not a good place to be in if you only see hopelessness. Do you feel hopeless?
By god...
This should be your tag. Btw, have the medications been making you feel better? I'm meeting up with my doc on Monday to basically give the okay to them. I'm assuming I'll be taking two medications to help sort out my jumbled brain and make thinking less of a weight on me.
This, I've felt a ton of motivation to make things change. Feeling depressed ain't easy and having intrusive thoughts isn't comforting, but the fact that you're talking about it is making it a difference. No one ever said it was going to be easy Marduk, you gotta grab your mental state by the neck and choke it out cause you don't let it control you, you control it. If you've been having this for years, then I highly suggest you bring this up with your doctor. If you've done that and that hasn't helped, it might be something out of your grasp and you might need to discuss it even further with the right people.
By god...
This should be your tag. Btw, have the medications been making you feel better? I'm meeting up with my doc on Monday to basically give the okay to them. I'm assuming I'll be taking two medications to help sort out my jumbled brain and make thinking less of a weight on me.
It's been only six days so it might be some hardcore placebo shit but I'm feeling too good. You know how the world is shit, full of evil and the universe doesn't care about you? Well, I feel the opposite. I mainly went for crippling social anxiety and got Celexa and Elavil but it's done wonders for my mood. I don't get out much so I don't know how's the social anxiety but I went to a store yesterday and the anxiety flared-up but it quickly died down. Also, people weren't weird out by me and I wasn't trying to guess what people were thinking about me that much.
As far as side effects, the worst one is the one I talked before, so if you don't care that much about sex or the inside of your hand, it's fine. I don't feel hunger or get sleepy. I have to basically remind myself to eat and go to sleep. Strangely, getting up in the morning is the hardest thing in the world and I could easily sleep 12+ hours if I don't get out of my bed. Once I get out the sleepiness wears off almost instantly.
unity of the void
Member
For me, I've always felt like depression was inescapable.
BUT, just because something is inescapable doesn't mean that it is the final arbiter. Once I accepted the depression as a subset of my consciousness I had an easier time managing it. It's like pain, and pain is transient - so even though you will inevitably feel pain throughout your life it doesn't mean that your life is pain. You will feel depressed throughout your life, but that doesn't mean your life is depression. It doesn't mean that you don't have value as a person, and it doesn't mean that you are only a result of your feelings at that moment.
Depression is like being washed in flames, and once you make it out you will feel cleansed. Don't give up!
BUT, just because something is inescapable doesn't mean that it is the final arbiter. Once I accepted the depression as a subset of my consciousness I had an easier time managing it. It's like pain, and pain is transient - so even though you will inevitably feel pain throughout your life it doesn't mean that your life is pain. You will feel depressed throughout your life, but that doesn't mean your life is depression. It doesn't mean that you don't have value as a person, and it doesn't mean that you are only a result of your feelings at that moment.
Depression is like being washed in flames, and once you make it out you will feel cleansed. Don't give up!
Bel Marduk
Banned
Yeah, that's pretty common. I have unfortunate memories of whacking for almost an hour and then finally giving up in frustration. It's really the ultimate in sexual frustration.
Boozeroony
Member
In short:
11 years of re-occuring depressions/anxiety. Taking AD (venlafaxine) and being quite steady since 2012.
I met an au pair from Canada in december and she became my girlfriend. I already knew she would leave in June.
In March, I got a big set-back: huge depressions and anxiety. My girl has been wonderful and supportive. With therapy and extra medication I found a way up and I'm currently doing some work again.
She is leaving next Saturday. I got a little set-back again this week and suddenly I realize my buddy is leaving in a week. It is soul-crushing. She is on my mind constantly. I cry a lot. It's going to hurt so much...
Just wanted to get this out of my system.
11 years of re-occuring depressions/anxiety. Taking AD (venlafaxine) and being quite steady since 2012.
I met an au pair from Canada in december and she became my girlfriend. I already knew she would leave in June.
In March, I got a big set-back: huge depressions and anxiety. My girl has been wonderful and supportive. With therapy and extra medication I found a way up and I'm currently doing some work again.
She is leaving next Saturday. I got a little set-back again this week and suddenly I realize my buddy is leaving in a week. It is soul-crushing. She is on my mind constantly. I cry a lot. It's going to hurt so much...
Just wanted to get this out of my system.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I have no idea what therapy is so I have no idea what to possibly bring up. I already don't like the person and I've only spoken a few minutes on the phone. He's seems nice but then he talks down to me like I'm slow or something. It makes me really uncomfortable and upset. Now that I'm here, all the paperwork in the office says I'm going to go to jail if I confess even half of the feelings I have it for even showing up sometimes. I' afraid and don't want to sign or agree to anything. Now why I remember why it's been so hard to find help. I can't find anyone that won't ruin my life even further. And all the questions I can't answer or don't know how to answer and it's ridiculously frustrating.
You guys make it seem like I went to wrong type of person again. Now that I'm sitting in the lobby, that seems to be more and more apparent.
grap3fruitman
Banned
That was a bust. I'm on my way home. I told you guys no one would help me.
Oh wow, I don't care if its a placebo effect lol, haven't felt genuinely happy with a side of depression ever since I was a kid. The shift may take a little time to adapt to it seems but hopefully I get the less threatening of the side effects.
Anger usually stems from suppression of emotions, negative ones at that. I'd highly suggest you get that checked out, so many people don't know they have lingering issues that need to be dealt with until its too late and they pass on those same horrid upbringings to their kids without knowing it cause they do it subconsciously.
Well look at your cultural background, go back to your original physician who got a referral for you (if you also met a psychiatrist) and ask for someone of a similar background for you. They will understand your upbringing and be able to pinpoint the reasons as to why you're like this and help you talk it out. The more you know, the scarier it gets since your admitting to these thoughts. After that though, which I'm hopefully getting to, you get to stamp out these thoughts since now you'll know the roots/causes of them. I'm getting closer everyday.
Edit:
If you're paying it out of pocket, do some research and see the therapist available in your area. No matter the price (as long as it doesn't make you homeless), your mental health is of the utmost importance. Luckily I have health insurance that pays for it when a doctor's referral. If that wasn't the case, I'd be one poor guy.
spons
Gold Member
I've been to so many therapists, psychiatrists, sexologists and God knows what that I've personally lost count. It's all useless. My autism can't cured by talking about it, and managing needs acceptance, something I cannot yet get myself into. I can't imagine for the life of it what I've done wrong to get into this shit.
All these autism acceptance things are a complete, utter, total load of bollocks. There's nothing good to say about autism. It's a goddamn disorder on par with down's syndrome, except you can't see it as easily. Nobody says to a person with down's syndrome: "hey, but look at the bright side buddy!". There is no bright side. I have no friends, no partner, no contact whatsoever with people except when they're paid for. It makes me so angry.
I've lived for over 2 years in an assisted living home playing card games with nurses Friday nights when I should be going out with people, right after I was dumped out of the best place I've ever been, an open psych ward. People were accepting, the patients were nice and the nurses were great, even if they were paid handsomely.
Sick and tired of my life as there is nothing worth living for.
All these autism acceptance things are a complete, utter, total load of bollocks. There's nothing good to say about autism. It's a goddamn disorder on par with down's syndrome, except you can't see it as easily. Nobody says to a person with down's syndrome: "hey, but look at the bright side buddy!". There is no bright side. I have no friends, no partner, no contact whatsoever with people except when they're paid for. It makes me so angry.
I've lived for over 2 years in an assisted living home playing card games with nurses Friday nights when I should be going out with people, right after I was dumped out of the best place I've ever been, an open psych ward. People were accepting, the patients were nice and the nurses were great, even if they were paid handsomely.
Sick and tired of my life as there is nothing worth living for.
unity of the void
Member
Do you have anyone near you that you can speak to about this? It's somewhat of a cliche but all it takes is one person of support to change your initial thought. The goal isn't for them to bear your burden, but to just make a slight shift of your focus so the hopelessness can begin to abate.
I suck. Didn't talk to my supervisor yesterday like I said I would. Monday for sure...
The place is mostly older people (I'm only 23 and there's only a few others around my age) and there are a lot of ex-military people so the environment doesn't exactly suit me. I almost feel like nothing will change though. When they're giving someone like me, a person with little experience, full control over projects it speaks a lot about the company's direction in general. The fact that they aren't willing to shift around engineers to help me co-develop these projects/to promote my personal growth should say enough in it of itself. Although I also realize from a business perspective, if you can hire a capable person and underpay them then it's totally worth it for them to pull off stuff like this. It's just unfortunate that I'm on the crappy end of the stick =/
The two guys who quit were pretty honest with me about their views on this place and their general thoughts/advice was that a lot of the projects here are dumb (i.e. company has little to no future growth, not enough solid contracts are coming in, and a lot of our current projects are meh) and that I should find another place to work for. It was always my intent to stick around for only a year or two though, it's just that this recent bullshit has made me want to quit right on the spot.
Monday for sure though...and then just gotta last out the week before my requested vacation, which should get approved with no problems even though it is a little on short notice.
Yeah, I'll probably request the week of July 4th off. And as much as I do need it, I still feel like it's inherently wrong that I should have to take PTO because I feel like my performance at work is threatened by the massive workload I've inherited.
Thanks Piano! I've posted here before but it's been a while since I've posted on GAF. I just kinda lurk these days. Your advice makes sense. I couldn't really decide on whether or not to just be extremely down to earth about the entire thing or to keep it strictly professional because he's worked alongside with a family friend; which is the reason why I knew of the job opening in the first place and why I feel like there's a little more than a strict work relationship between us. I'll stick with your advice though. I'm usually a total doormat but I guess this is good opportunity to build character or something.
The place is mostly older people (I'm only 23 and there's only a few others around my age) and there are a lot of ex-military people so the environment doesn't exactly suit me. I almost feel like nothing will change though. When they're giving someone like me, a person with little experience, full control over projects it speaks a lot about the company's direction in general. The fact that they aren't willing to shift around engineers to help me co-develop these projects/to promote my personal growth should say enough in it of itself. Although I also realize from a business perspective, if you can hire a capable person and underpay them then it's totally worth it for them to pull off stuff like this. It's just unfortunate that I'm on the crappy end of the stick =/
The two guys who quit were pretty honest with me about their views on this place and their general thoughts/advice was that a lot of the projects here are dumb (i.e. company has little to no future growth, not enough solid contracts are coming in, and a lot of our current projects are meh) and that I should find another place to work for. It was always my intent to stick around for only a year or two though, it's just that this recent bullshit has made me want to quit right on the spot.
Monday for sure though...and then just gotta last out the week before my requested vacation, which should get approved with no problems even though it is a little on short notice.
Sigh, having a pretty bad week. Last 6 months for me has been great for me, been gradually feeling better and better and becoming more productive, with the exception of a out of the blue suicide attempt when I was very drunk 3 weeks ago.
But feeling real shitty at the moment. The thing thats set me off is I've had to cancel a trip to london next weekend because of a fuck up with rotors at work, which sucks cos that's where all my friends live who I haven't seen since march and now won't see probably until september. Stopped eating properly and sleeping a lot, plus there's negative thoughts going around in my head that I haven't had for a long time. Sucks, thought I'd really turned a corner but doesn't take much for my coping strategies to slip away and regress.
But feeling real shitty at the moment. The thing thats set me off is I've had to cancel a trip to london next weekend because of a fuck up with rotors at work, which sucks cos that's where all my friends live who I haven't seen since march and now won't see probably until september. Stopped eating properly and sleeping a lot, plus there's negative thoughts going around in my head that I haven't had for a long time. Sucks, thought I'd really turned a corner but doesn't take much for my coping strategies to slip away and regress.
Stay away from drinking. Talk with someone in person. Getting it off your chest is the best thing you can do. Keeping it to yourself will only make the weight that much bigger.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
No, you didn't go to the wrong person. Just because they said you won't be "cured" doesn't mean it's the wrong person to go to.
That's an interesting perspective. It can be quite helpful to remind yourself that as much as you may feel depressed, as much as depression may cloud your thinking, you are not the depression. It is an element of you, yes, but not the whole thing.
And yeah, I found it quite helpful to try to think of my depression (and anxiety) as "pain", things that needed effective "pain relief" in terms of things I could do. Pain relief could sometimes be music, or writing, or crying, or what have you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Transitions and loss are amongst two of the toughest life circumstances to cope with. I don't have any brilliant advice for you, Boozeroony, but I assure you that it is possible to adjust to new circumstances even if you take a long, dark route to get there.
Do you have any other friends or family you can lean on for a bit? Isolation will magnify everything.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "mental health issue" but yes, anger can certainly be a component of mental health and there are treatments out there for anger. Often anger stems from the experience of vulnerability and it may be helpful to explore where those perceived vulnerabilities are and why.
What happened at the appointment? Was it a therapist you saw? Why was it a bust? What expectations did it not fulfill?
pain
I hope you can find some relief, Tesseract
What do you think are the barriers holding you from acceptance? Do you think acceptance is possible in general? Do you think it's possible for you?
Even if you do eventually quit, it sounds as though there are some things to be learned about workplace politics by trying to navigate this situation and seeing how it goes. I hope you're able to get some rest and I hope you're able to get your message across to management.
<3
Slightly worryingly, I've been craving alcohol again. For like two months after I started my anti-depressants I had absolutely no desire to drink alcohol (and this was coming right off a period where I was drinking quite a bit too much), but then I decided to drink one night and got a little carried away and now every day since then I've had a desire to drink. It's not out of control by any means, but it's a little weird and a little worrying. I don't think it will get out of control since I'm in a much better mental state than I was before, but yeah.
Hang in there. Even if it's slow progress, you're making progress.
Hang in there. Even if it's slow progress, you're making progress.
I haven't. It feels like yesterday. Every good thing I have going for me I simply do not care about. My only progress has been the self control of not checking her pages nor contacting her. I'm now at the point where not even the little things can keep me going.
pixelation
Member
I have this odd obsession with matching the number of "likes" that some of my contacts on FB get on their profile pictures, it's unhealthy and dumb but i can't help it. Could it possibly be related to my OCD?
I've been a NEET for ~7 months but I've been a shut-in ever since I was around 9. No friends now either, although I had a group of friends when I was younger. I know how rough it is, people used to avoid sitting next to me.
This may be a problem for me too. I don't drink gigantic amounts in one sitting but I'm drinking every day. It just makes me feel better and so few things do.
I'm not a regular here, but I need a place to vent. I can't create threads, but with how I feel, I guess this is the perfect place.
My cat had to to be put down last night. This whole month and a half has been so hectic for me. She suddenly got a huge gash her mouth, leaving her to bleed for ~ 3 days non-stop. It was so scary. She was still like her usual self. Fast forward a week and her paw is sprained. She was hiding from everyone and we took her to the vet. We got a " her paw is fine, and she's healthy, but have some painkillers.". She was a little off, and lost about 3 pounds in that one week. The vet didn't see that as weird though.
She went back to her usual self after giving her the medicine. She would eat, cuddle, sleep and was back to how she was. I haven't seen her so happy through all of this pain.
Go forward a day and she is having trouble breathing, won't eat, and can't move at all. We took her to the emergency vet and got xrays/bloodwork done. Her stomach and lungs were filled with something, and they thought she had cancer. Her bloodwork was way off.
My cat was dying and it was such a sad thing to see. I had my father be with her when she was put down. I couldn't bear watching it. I gave her as much love and as many kisses as I could before I said my final goodbye and walked away. She was in so much pain, I didn't want to prolong it... It was so hard to say my final goodbye, but she was in so much pain that it hurt to watch her like that.
I'm glad my father was with her, and I'm sad I couldn't be, but I gave her as much as my love as possible. She was more than a cat, she was my best friend. She was scared of everyone but me, and we were practically always together at my house.
I'm sad I had to let her down, but it was the right thing. My head is spinning and I've been crying non-stop for over 10 hours. I can't get any sleep. I wish my cat was healthy and next to me. I don't understand how fast this has all happened. I didn't want to let her go, but the poor girl probably would have died a much harsher death over night.
I gave her the best life I possibly could. She was an indoor cat and all she ever got was love. I tried my best to always get her good cat food ( think blue cat food and how it's like $15 for such a tiny bag. ). She had such a happy life with me, and I'm so thankful.
I miss her a lot. I don't know how to cope with this at all. I have another cat but it's just not the same. I love him dearly, but I don't have that same connection with him. I can't believe my baby is gone. My other cat will start looking for her soon, and it's going to be so heart-wrecking.
Sorry for the vent, I don't know how to deal with this. I can't think straight, sleep, or eat. I'm just crying and my head is pounding. I wish something could knock me out.
My cat had to to be put down last night. This whole month and a half has been so hectic for me. She suddenly got a huge gash her mouth, leaving her to bleed for ~ 3 days non-stop. It was so scary. She was still like her usual self. Fast forward a week and her paw is sprained. She was hiding from everyone and we took her to the vet. We got a " her paw is fine, and she's healthy, but have some painkillers.". She was a little off, and lost about 3 pounds in that one week. The vet didn't see that as weird though.
She went back to her usual self after giving her the medicine. She would eat, cuddle, sleep and was back to how she was. I haven't seen her so happy through all of this pain.
Go forward a day and she is having trouble breathing, won't eat, and can't move at all. We took her to the emergency vet and got xrays/bloodwork done. Her stomach and lungs were filled with something, and they thought she had cancer. Her bloodwork was way off.
My cat was dying and it was such a sad thing to see. I had my father be with her when she was put down. I couldn't bear watching it. I gave her as much love and as many kisses as I could before I said my final goodbye and walked away. She was in so much pain, I didn't want to prolong it... It was so hard to say my final goodbye, but she was in so much pain that it hurt to watch her like that.
I'm glad my father was with her, and I'm sad I couldn't be, but I gave her as much as my love as possible. She was more than a cat, she was my best friend. She was scared of everyone but me, and we were practically always together at my house.
I'm sad I had to let her down, but it was the right thing. My head is spinning and I've been crying non-stop for over 10 hours. I can't get any sleep. I wish my cat was healthy and next to me. I don't understand how fast this has all happened. I didn't want to let her go, but the poor girl probably would have died a much harsher death over night.
I gave her the best life I possibly could. She was an indoor cat and all she ever got was love. I tried my best to always get her good cat food ( think blue cat food and how it's like $15 for such a tiny bag. ). She had such a happy life with me, and I'm so thankful.
I miss her a lot. I don't know how to cope with this at all. I have another cat but it's just not the same. I love him dearly, but I don't have that same connection with him. I can't believe my baby is gone. My other cat will start looking for her soon, and it's going to be so heart-wrecking.
Sorry for the vent, I don't know how to deal with this. I can't think straight, sleep, or eat. I'm just crying and my head is pounding. I wish something could knock me out.
I care. Are you comfortable sharing what's going on?
The question is: what is it about alcohol's effects that you crave? Can you develop a similar benefit somewhere else in your life?
I wasn't able to get past a significant dependence on weed until I started exploring why I needed it so much. I actually learned a lot about myself once I started trying to explain what it was about the feeling that I craved. It was so much deeper than just "being high".
I'm sorry things are still quite difficult for you, Infinity Patriot. Have you considered mental health treatment? I truly, truly think that seeking therapy could be very, very helpful.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, Pixeluh. I love cats (as I'm sure you can tell by my avatar) and losing a beloved pet is no joke.
For now, it sounds as though you just need some relief and release. I think crying in these sorts of circumstances is a good thing, however unpleasant it may be. These emotions are there, and they have to move through you. They won't just go away, especially when they're in response to a loss. If you're having a tremendous amount of trouble sleeping there are several safe, effective, non-addictive over the counter remedies that could help you quite a bit for a few days.
Does it feel better to get things off of your chest? Are there others in your life you've been able to talk to?
<3
I finally got to see my psychiatrist today. He wrote me a script for Wellbutrin 150mg extended release and Latuda 40mg. I am really hopeful this will help it's been so long since I've been on meds I can't remember if they ever did.
Set up a plan with my case manager there as well. I have to do 4 simple things each day for my goals like read a book, walk to friends or families places and interact with them, ect. Though there was one section where he asked me what I thought was a good attribute I had to reach the goals. I couldn't think of one nice thing to say about myself not a one. Really hurt realizing I couldn't think of a nice thing to say about myself and knowing that needs to change.
Start seeing a therapist next week I am excited to get chipping away at these issues I have and chip away at the depression and anxiety that surround my every day life.
EDIT: Also does anyone here take the same meds I will be taking? How have they affected you any glaring side affects?
Set up a plan with my case manager there as well. I have to do 4 simple things each day for my goals like read a book, walk to friends or families places and interact with them, ect. Though there was one section where he asked me what I thought was a good attribute I had to reach the goals. I couldn't think of one nice thing to say about myself not a one. Really hurt realizing I couldn't think of a nice thing to say about myself and knowing that needs to change.
Start seeing a therapist next week I am excited to get chipping away at these issues I have and chip away at the depression and anxiety that surround my every day life.
EDIT: Also does anyone here take the same meds I will be taking? How have they affected you any glaring side affects?
Thanks. I've been venting to myself, and to very close people. I'm gonna stop by the store and pick something up. This is so hard. It's the first death that I've dealt with, and it feels like a chunk of my life is all of a sudden gone.
I'm getting better though. I'm glad my cat isn't in anymore pain. I wish she was with me still, but I'm glad she doesn't have to suffer anymore.
So I talked to him. I definitely need to work on conveying my ideas better and not be so nervous =/ Told him how I was concerned that this project is beyond the scope of my abilities; how while I'm vaguely familiar with each component of it, I am far from an expert and being 100% in control of everything is just a massive amount of work. Then I compared how managing the first guy who left's work is vastly different than picking up this second guy who left's work. I tried to emphasize how I believe it would be more beneficial for someone as inexperienced as me to work on an actual team. I kinda feel like an idiot for telling him this next thing cause I worded it a lot worse than this, but I told him how it's easy for project managers and whatnot to only focus on the tangible results that software engineers produce. But as a software engineer, I'm not only concerned with the tangible products I produce, but the programming techniques I use to produce those results; how it's not what I create during my time here that I'll bring with me as I move along with my career, but how I went about creating those things.
He said he was glad I got this off my chest. His takeaway was that I want to work on projects that involve more collaboration and that there's the possibility that he'll be switching me off my current project that isn't a solo project. I feel split as to whether that'll actually happen though as I doubt my project manager will be thrilled once he hears this. It also just occurred to me that it's not *quite* that I want to work on a project with other people, I want to work on a project where there's at least one other person working on the same component as me. My previous project was technically a team, but the component I was working on was more or less self contained so I was still self-teaching myself a lot of stuff and no one was checking my code. He also said he'd try to arrange for some more work from home days, which honestly isn't something I'm pushing for even though my commute is long, but it's a nice gesture nonetheless. I really wanted to mention how burnt out I am but I felt like I couldn't phrase it in a way that didn't make me seem whiny. Honestly if I could have negotiated an additional week of PTO or something then that'd satisfy me. He said he'd have a better idea if he can switch me out by the end of the week but in the meantime I still have to stick it out.
Anyways thanks for taking the time to read and respond Piano. It's mostly ranty and it's probably not the most interesting thing to read about, but I appreciate it =)
And thanks to you too DrM; I mentioned the PTO to my supervisor and he wasn't against it so just four more days then 9 days of NOT THINKING ABOUT WORK
Unrelated to this work drama: something that pissed me off on Father's Day. I attend mass every Sunday. I personally hate it but my family is Catholic; mom is super devout so I go and never complain about it. So the priest does his sermon and I'm sitting there thinking "if this church is really as shitty as I think it is, he'll somehow manage to stick in a 'homosexuality is evil' bit." Lo and behold he does. He goes on about how it's wrong, how having gay parents deprives children of their natural right of having normal parents, and how homosexuality is threatening the human race. Normally I just roll my eyes and internally laugh at his anti-gay sermons but out of all the days to push an agenda, why the hell would you freaking choose Father's Day? Gah. It particularly pissed me off cause I'm still not out and I didn't want to hear that shit on a day when I'm supposed to be enjoying time with my dad.
I know this reply is pretty late but I didn't mean to ignore what you said. Real life just happened. Yes, I do intend to find someone to see right away when I start in the fall, definitely.
Also, I am obviously biased as all hell considering I'm talking about myself, BUT I like to say that I've made a lot of progress myself with my issues, and I try not to get into "ruts" of self pity. I really try to see my mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes I do beat myself up for it, or for really stupid things that are out of my control--it's unavoidable--but I've gotten a lot better in the past 3-4 years (considering I've had issues since sixth grade). I have faults still, I will surely need therapy of some kind cause you can't deal with crap on your own (and unfortunately I'm left dealing with it alone) and probably some kind of medication (honestly feels like I got some chemical imbalance; just a gut feeling though). The worst thing going on this summer, cause I can handle my family's stupidity usually, is a friend with their own set of baggage, and I feel saddled with it. But I hope I can get through it and find someone who can really help in the fall. Nervous about it, but I don't think I can handle getting a non-retail job post-college without some help...and I already fucked up my GPA in only two quarters ): Might need to adjust some medication I'm taking for unrelated stuff. I think it's the cause of my issues at the start of this year, but I can't say for sure :/
tl;dr I just wanted to give an update, and also say that things aren't so terribly bad right now. I appreciate your advice....and thought this was only two weeks old, so even more embarrassed for ignoring it for so long. I'm sorry! Life is starting to calm down and E3 ended so I'll try and check this thread more if I need it and give any advice I have. Thank you, really.
Counsellor has basically helped me so much.
Weeks ago though, I had an anxiety attack at work (job I work at now is pretty hard but I love it) for the first time ever. I was told to go home but I had to refuse. Was such a weird thing for my body to just force tears out of my face, but I managed to pull through (lovely Polish coworkers are insanely nice).
Nowadays, thanks to counselling, everything is just so much better. 😄
Will be retaking my final year of Uni since the counsellor will be giving evidence for me to submit, and I'm back in speed.
Thank you GAF for encouraging me to seek help. I recommend everyone else to do the same.
Also big thanks to Kendrick Lamar haha.
Weeks ago though, I had an anxiety attack at work (job I work at now is pretty hard but I love it) for the first time ever. I was told to go home but I had to refuse. Was such a weird thing for my body to just force tears out of my face, but I managed to pull through (lovely Polish coworkers are insanely nice).
Nowadays, thanks to counselling, everything is just so much better. 😄
Will be retaking my final year of Uni since the counsellor will be giving evidence for me to submit, and I'm back in speed.
Thank you GAF for encouraging me to seek help. I recommend everyone else to do the same.
Also big thanks to Kendrick Lamar haha.
I've been to a therapist a couple of times before & basically it consisted of me crying like a little bitch & the shrink telling me I should do things I enjoy. Basically, telling me what I already know. Thing is I don't enjoy anything like I used to. Stuck in limbo I suppose.
MisterLuffy
Member
I hate working at retail. I would rather work at a job where I can mostly focus on working with cashier register. I can't sell people on credit cards with benefits. I'm also not good at being open. I feel that I'm vulnerable to customers and associates since I struggle more than them. I don't know how to answer customers' questions because its either confusing or I just don't know how to answer. Even though the associates are nice, but there's this barrier between me and them similar to school when I meet people. I remember meeting a guy and he works in the same area as me. We fist bump when one of our shifts ends, but now not so much. My performance and my struggle to speak are part of the reason why I think that there is a barrier between me and the associates. I like how some say, even my manager, say that I did a great job. Lets be honest, I'm not doing a great job. I won't be surprised if they let me go in the future. I hate retail so much that it doesn't fit me very well. I can talk, I just can't carry the conversation or I struggle to find words when talking. I'm not a salesman and will never be one when it comes to selling customers on credit card with benefits.
Anyone else had a complete change in personality after taking anti-depressants? I'm way too happy now. I feel like Superman. My orgasm are back to normal and I'm whacking it like crazy. I'm talking too much with people (too bad I don't have many people around me lol). Can't sleep at night because I'm not tired and I get a rush from thinking about how everything I want to do will workout. It's like the opposite depression. I've felt like this a few times in my life (but to a lesser extent) but it was when I was back in school and it usually lasted a semester. It's great but I've never heard of anyone feeling like this after taking their meds.
Octavianus
Banned
Had a seizure while I was doing the dishes last night and woke up a couple of hours (i think?) later next to a plate that was smashed up all over the kitchen floor. It was lovely.
I haven't been motivated to do much of anything lately and I spent most of my time sitting here watching my computer screen. At least I still have my pet cockatiel to keep me company.
Also I bought a ps4 a couple of days ago and I've barely touched it.... that happens a lot. I buy stuff without really thinking it through and then end up never doing anything with it.
I haven't been motivated to do much of anything lately and I spent most of my time sitting here watching my computer screen. At least I still have my pet cockatiel to keep me company.
Also I bought a ps4 a couple of days ago and I've barely touched it.... that happens a lot. I buy stuff without really thinking it through and then end up never doing anything with it.
Lionheart1827
Member
As long as you're not getting drunk every night and it's not interfering with meds, a couple of beers is fine. Anything to help keep the edge off is fine in my book, especially with the physical pain you go through. Hang in there brohammer.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I had a panic attack over the initial paperwork so the therapist asked me to leave.
I'd certainly think so if I'm looking to be cured.
This doesn't really apply to me but thank you for your support.
I have a police ride along tomorrow morning at 6:30am. Reason I am doing the ride along is because I am interested in applying for the police dept. I'm a bit nervous, but also excited. If I get in, I think it will help my mood. Besides being torn up over my ex breaking up with me for someone else 7+ months ago, not having a career has been a major point of stress & frustration.
The idea came from my ex when we were together, oddly enough. She graduated with a criminal justice major (goal is to be a procecutor) and encouraged me to join the police force. I was interested, but ultimately too complacent with my easy money valet job at the time. Now that the dept. is hiring again, I figured I'd try.
I realize I should be doing it for 'me,' but I can't shake the feeling that, subconciously, part of me is doing it for 'her.' As I've said before, I reached the end of my rope. False hope of her ever talking to me again have almost subsided and I'm overcome with apathy for it all. I still blame myself for the most part. I suppose I may not even make it into the dept. if I don't get my act together since there is a mental health check.
The idea came from my ex when we were together, oddly enough. She graduated with a criminal justice major (goal is to be a procecutor) and encouraged me to join the police force. I was interested, but ultimately too complacent with my easy money valet job at the time. Now that the dept. is hiring again, I figured I'd try.
I realize I should be doing it for 'me,' but I can't shake the feeling that, subconciously, part of me is doing it for 'her.' As I've said before, I reached the end of my rope. False hope of her ever talking to me again have almost subsided and I'm overcome with apathy for it all. I still blame myself for the most part. I suppose I may not even make it into the dept. if I don't get my act together since there is a mental health check.
la flama blanca
Banned
Anyone have episodes where you get really manic and obsessive compulsive? I feel like I've been losing my mind the past few days...
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
On week five of this depression spell. There's no end in sight.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
pixelation
Member
I want to die without becoming a financial burden to my family in death.
I have not taken Latuda but I did take Welbutrin. It lifted my mood greatly but also caused me a lot of anxiety. I'm particularly susceptible to anxiety, though, so there's a good possibility it'll work for you without causing problems. It's generally a more "activating" antidepressant than the SSRIs (Zoloft, LexaPro, etc) which can be better or worse depending on how depression affects you.
It sounds as though you have a good perspective on the whole thing, and I hope that perspective can remain steady as you guide yourself through this difficult time. Much love to both you and your beloved cat.
And thanks to you too DrM; I mentioned the PTO to my supervisor and he wasn't against it so just four more days then 9 days of NOT THINKING ABOUT WORK
All things considered it sounds like the talk went pretty well! I'm so glad to hear that and by now I'm sure you're even more excited that you're only two days away from some more time off of work
Hopefully your boss comes back to you with some good ideas, and I think the grievances you discussed with him would sort of imply you were burnt out, so I wouldn't worry too much about not having mentioned that specifically. Perhaps having the circumstances of your job change will help you feel less burnt out, but even if they don't, I'm glad you were able to find the strength and courage to talk it out.
No worries, Tomita, respond at your leisure! I know that looking ahead a few years can make things seem impossible but what you must realize is that you are not there yet and you are not the you you will be at that point yet. There are many things you are doing with your life now that would've seemed impossible 5 years ago and yet here you are, capable and able. You've got to cross one bridge at a time, to the best of your ability, and try to remind yourself that your entire life is a journey of increasing your capabilities until you are able to do that which once seemed impossible.
I'm glad things are going a bit smoother in the recent weeks, and while it may be tough to take on a friend's baggage perhaps you can think of it as an investment in your relationship with him/her and thus your future, when your friend may be able to support your weight at a time when your load is too heavy. Plus, uncomfortable as it may be to deal with friends' problems sometimes, it is something that can be quite meaningful and can take away some of that emptiness and loneliness we so often feel.
AWESOME!! I'm so glad to hear that counseling helped you, izunadono. Thanks for sharing your progress! There will still be ups and downs and I hope this up can carry you through the next few downs
Do you think all therapists simply tell people what they already know? Do you think therapy is something that simply cannot work for you due to your circumstances?
Do you think there's a possibility another therapist could perhaps help you break down and rebuild the way you think about this months-long hell and help you climb out of it?
These are all honest questions.
Also that police ride along sounds cool, I'd be interested to hear about that.
Surely you can see how much of a knot you're thinking yourself into here?! You got hired for a job and are being told you're doing a great job, yet you feel as though you're doing horribly and will surely be let go soon. That's a dark lens through which to reflect your experiences, and one wonders whether there is any way you could take things more "as they are". If your manager says you're doing a great job, MisterLuffy, I'm inclined to believe his/her judgment
Upsell experiences are always uncomfortable, but, like many other aspects of retail, you will likely get used to it as you get desensitized to others not being interested in your upsell and no longer take it personally. When I had to upsell stuff I never enjoyed it but I gradually learned that I could do it with 90% of customers without taking it personally, and for the other 10% I'd just not offer. Like, if I knew it was going to upset me, I wouldn't offer. I could just say I forgot.
It sounds as though you have gotten more "used" to many aspects of the retail job already! After all, this was a job that seemed COMPLETELY impossible just a few weeks ago, and yet here you are, accomplishing it!
If you are feeling "too happy" and have boundless energy you should let your doctor know immediately, especially if it's motivating you toward risky behaviors or overspending money. Seriously, it's no joke, I had it happen with two different medications.
Octavianus, I'm sorry to hear about your seizure. I have no experience with epilepsy or seizures so I'm not sure what thoughts I can offer, other than hoping that you're able to find treatment (and there seems to be a lot of it out there for seizures).
As for buying useless things, you've already taken the first step, which is awareness of your own spending habits. The next question is: what is the feeling you're chasing or running away from with these purchases? I found myself buying lots of things because I was convinced, on some level, that the next new, shiny thing would SURELY be the one that would make me happy. I finally learned to double check every purchase before I make it for whether I need it and / or will actually enjoy it or whether I'm chasing illusory happiness.
I'm sorry to hear you had a difficult experience, grap3fruitman. What sort of panic attack was it? Under what context did the therapist ask you to leave?
I hope you're able to find the time and energy to keep following up in this thread.
Losing your mind how? What's been going on?
My father always compares depression to a great fog - when you're in it there's no end in sight and you often just have to wander, hoping you'll find a lookout, a direction, or an end to it at some point. It's only once you get to the edge that you can see how far you've come.
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, AHB. Is there anything we can do?
Very interesting article! I lol'd @ the stupid pun in the title. It seems like writers can never resist those kinds of jokes
I'm sorry things are tough, pixelation. Have you considered seeking mental health treatment?
Also, is there anything you've found in life that brings you meaning and purpose?
<3
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