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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Mortimer Brewster
Member
My dating/relationship life has certainly been turned upside down. My girlfriend I have been seeing for a month was arrested last thursday while I was present and the court has ordered that she cannot have any contact with me until the court date on July 15 because the prosecutors apparently want to use me as a witness against my own girlfriend.
n64coder
Member
Wow, that stinks. What is she being charged with? DUI?
I didn't see your post, but I can gather somewhat what happened from the advice given.
I'm sorry bro
I'd just drop it. She's being wishy-washy, and as you said, very emotional. She's pretty just using you as (extreme) emotional support, and that's not fair to you. Also, ignore the coworkers, they're just causing stupid 'drama', as they're wont to do. It doesn't matter if the two of you look cute together, it's not like they know your personal interactions with this woman. The age thing just seems like an excuse to push you away.
D:
Mortimer Brewster
Member
No, she's being charged with breaking her bail conditions, resisting arrest and lying to a police officer. I was the person driving when we were pulled over. I was driving erratically because I was tired but I wasnt charged with anything but she did leave the scene while I was trying to talk things out with the cop. But I wasn't present when she was actually arrested and i dont remember hearing her lie to the cop. So Im not sure why they want me as a witness amd it really sucks that I cant see my girlfriend for 16 days especially since we're still early in the relationship. She is also quite insecure in our relationship. Despite being drop dead gorgeous she is always expecting that I will think she is crazy and leave her and always asking me how long we will be together.
I need some advice on how to cope with not being able to see her and the whole legal thing. I'd also welcome suggestions for letting her know im still committed to her despite all this.
radioactivez0r
Member
I understand the feeling of wanting to know or understand where you stand with someone, but the more you push someone to give that to you, the less likely you are to get it. People don't like being cornered and put in a position to be definitive about something they have been wishy-washy on the whole time. You will likely drive her to get mad at you if you push it. As advised, you have to let it go. Be friendly, that's fine, but start looking elsewhere for a connection because this one is seemingly not going anywhere.
Can you write to her? Also, do you have to testify against her?
Mortimer Brewster
Member
They said no contact apparently and I dont know if i will have to testify. I just talked to her Grandma about it this evening and apparently one of the conditions is she can't see me because they plan to have me testify. Even her Grandma thinks its ridiculous and seemed amenable to still let me see my gf as long as its at the house where she can't get into trouble.
stn
Member
Don't risk it, dude. The last thing you want is trouble from the authorities. Also, you should be aware that you will be testifying against your girlfriend (i.e. confirming that you two were out on that night in order to support the fact that she violated her bail conditions). I hope this all works out for you, its a shitty situation to be in.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Thanks for the good thoughts.
Facebook does not mention a relationship, so that's a good sign. I'm currently trying to see if she plays any multiplayer games to see if we can get a gaming session on together. That was my major in, so I'm sticking with it for now.
That's kind of tough. I'd say to reiterate to her that you're interested, and that at the very least you feel like you guys need to give it a try. If she doesn't respond well to that, she's probably never going to.
LelouchViBritannia
Member
I'm a christian. Not very religous at all tbh. I wouldnt want to convert. Strange thing is, she says that a potential partner's religion doesnt matter.
Thanks for the advice guys
I've been thinking the same thing. She going on holiday for 2 weeks in two days and ill be working. Thinking of just moving on to other women and keeping her as a distant potential partner, or just dropping her altogether. Truth be told though, part of me is worried that if i did keep her as a distance, then whenever i may "casually" pursue her, those feelings may come back.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Phantom Hourglass is a good game. Hater gon hate
As for advice to our friend. Ask her on a date after the convention. Only keep small conversation til you actually go to the convention though.
LelouchViBritannia
Member
Sorry accidental post whilst trying to update my previous entry
Seven Force
Banned
Hey DatingGAF, quick question.
What's a good option for meeting women for a kinda shy (but slowly breaking out of that shell) early twenties dude that isn't really in to the bar/club scene and has mostly solitary hobbies (Reading, writing and art being the main ones)? My line of work doesn't really present me with much opportunity or free time during the week, so I'm mostly limited to weeknights and weekends. But hell if I know where to meet people outside of my usual social circles. I'm not really into the whole online dating thing either. (Nothing against it, it just isn't for me.)
What's a good option for meeting women for a kinda shy (but slowly breaking out of that shell) early twenties dude that isn't really in to the bar/club scene and has mostly solitary hobbies (Reading, writing and art being the main ones)? My line of work doesn't really present me with much opportunity or free time during the week, so I'm mostly limited to weeknights and weekends. But hell if I know where to meet people outside of my usual social circles. I'm not really into the whole online dating thing either. (Nothing against it, it just isn't for me.)
stn
Member
I have a feeling this is a lie, why else would she be going for an arranged marriage? As I understand it, your religion wouldn't be as much of a factor if you were the female and she was the male. But I think its important in the culture for the male to be a Muslim. Of course, this applies to the ones that practice. Which I guess she and her family do?
LelouchViBritannia
Member
She casually practices in terms of just saying a prayer every night. The arranged marriage was when she was in Dubai. Currently, we're both living in france and she has stated several times to everyone, that she will never do another arranged marriage due to the last one being a complete mess
Morgenstern
Member
Take up something where you'll end up meeting with the same group of people over an extended period of time. For example, a sports team, volunteer opportunities, classes(dance, language, guitar, etc.), meet ups, and so forth. If you end up meeting someone extra special, cool. If not, you'll still be doing something worthwhile.
Meetup.com. Find a reading/writing/art meet up so you could meet others.
stn
Member
I see. Well, in that case, not really much advice I can give you. You admitted you like her and you have shown interest in dating her. She is resisting for whatever reason. Therefore, I say just move on. If she knows you like her and she's still not dating you, there's nothing else you can do. The golden rule is that a girl who likes you will want to date you and bang you.
Seven Force
Banned
Good ideas. I actually do have some avenues to pursue as far as volunteering goes since I did some volunteer work for a few months a couple years back. And I've been meaning to sign up for a salsa class for ages. Thanks!
I'll look into this as well, thanks!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
This is hands down the worst idea you've come up with. You have two choices and that's it. Reiterate a final time your feelings but you MUST accept what she says and if she blows it off then you most end it completely with her or you cut her off completely now. You already know where I stand, especially since you're afraid it will be awkward at work. Shit or get off the pot, don't make up this bullshit of keeping her as a backup. How can she be your backup when she doesn't want to date you? You're making up bullshit because you're afraid of her rejecting you.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I didn't see your post, but I can gather somewhat what happened from the advice given.
I'm sorry bro
Thanks, I'm doing my best to move on but sometimes I'll feel a gaping emptiness in my chest. It's odd.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
To be honest, if not talking for a few weeks (if she knows that you're legally not allowed to talk to her) breaks the relationship apart, then it wasn't going to work anyway. If your gf expects you to break the law in order to talk to her, or to testify falsely when on the stand, that's not a very good person to date. She should understand the situation you're in, unless she's being kept in the dark about it... which I doubt.
I mean, I can understand her being a bit upset at the whole ordeal, especially the testifying part, though. Good luck
*internet hugs*
n64coder
Member
Others have mentioned meetup which I would also recommend. Perhaps there's 1-2 book clubs you can join where you read a book and discuss it? I think they are popular with women. What about book readings or writing workshops? Art classes? Gatherings at a gallery or a museum?
I met a girl last weekend, seems great and I decided to message her and ask if she wants to meet again so whe have decided on dinner in a few days. Thing is I found her Twitter and just over a week ago she posted some messages about how hard it was to get over her ex. I figured I might as well go though with the plans but at the same time going on a date with someone who still seems so hung up on the past makes me feel like this thing is doomed. Anyone got any experience on such a situation?
Mortimer Brewster
Member
To be honest, if not talking for a few weeks (if she knows that you're legally not allowed to talk to her) breaks the relationship apart, then it wasn't going to work anyway. If your gf expects you to break the law in order to talk to her, or to testify falsely when on the stand, that's not a very good person to date. She should understand the situation you're in, unless she's being kept in the dark about it... which I doubt.
I mean, I can understand her being a bit upset at the whole ordeal, especially the testifying part, though. Good luck
*internet hugs*
From what ive been told She's viewing it as a test to our relationship and if we're still together then its a good sign for us long term. I think she's more worried that I will leave her but I have no intention too.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You got us, man. Post away.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You don't really know the context, and she deserves the benefit of the doubt. It was hard for me to get over my last relationship -- but the key is that it's in the past; that doesn't negate the fact that, well, it's factually true: it was hard, but it also ended in November 2013. Go through with the plans, but be wary of red flags.
LelouchViBritannia
Member
Thanks for the tough love Gaf. I can always count on you guys to kick my ass back into shape 
Much respect.
Much respect.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
The convention is in September, so that's way too long. That invitation was also not any kind of date, just something that I took as a good sign. Her responses on Facebook are a bit slow, but they are still coming. Facebook is not my preferred medium to talk to people though, I still kind of get stuck wondering what kind of conversation is appropriate.
I've never had much luck trying to find stuff to do where I can meet women, my experience is that just talking to someone you see in a public place like a mall is a good place to start. If they're friendly and willing to talk to people, a conversation can be had. If you feel any interest after you talk to them for a few minutes, just ask for a phone number or if you can add them on Facebook or some other way to contact them. Being shy is tough, I'm naturally very shy, but over time I came to the conclusion that shyness wasn't doing anything positive for me, and that giving in to it was robbing me of opportunities.
You're going to get a lot more noes than yeses, but every time you talk to somebody it's going to get easier, you're going to learn about people and how you can talk to just about anybody. And, of course, don't just talk to women, talk to anybody (but probably not kids under about 15) about anything. I remember one of the first things I did to overcome my hesitancy to talk to people was just latching on to something that was happening. A car pulled around a corner, and it had something strapped to its door in a way that it looked like it would damage it if the driver hit a bump in the road. There was a guy standing on the corner next to me, and he said to no one in particular "Hey, what's that on that car?" I responded "Oh hey, what is that?" and it lead to a conversation about fiberglass car panels and how shitty they are, and how that driver better drive more carefully than they seemed to be doing.
Dancing is also good for this as well, if you're going to take a partner in your arms you're going to have to talk about something or be awkward. You will soon find that it's pretty easy to talk about anything, because the alternative will be uncomfortable. Even if you don't meet women through dance classes or going out dancing, you'll at least get a chance to talk to some, and that will help a lot. And, if you're at a store and it's slow, especially a department store, the cashiers are going to be bored to death. You should be able to talk to them for a couple minutes and they probably won't mind (and even if they do they'll have to pretend they don't.)
methane47
Member
/deep breath...
So I've been in a long term relationship for 5 years now. I would consider it pretty serious but we don't live together... Mostly my decision out of respect for my dad (a pastor)
My gf wanted me to come on a vacation with her and her mom to their home country, where she can meet her dad who abandoned them when she was like 7. We just arrived yesterday and we will be here till next Friday.
Note I've also been the alpha for our entire relationship. She asks me to do everything, she asks me to eat, asks me to shit ... I've been trying to get her not to rely on me so much as it isn't healthy...
Anways fast forward to today, I woke up this morning and something just felt... Weird.. Our relationship has been kinda iffy for the last few months... But every time I confront her and ask her wassup she totally denies any qualms about us and our relationship....
But this morning I just woke up upset about I don't know what. I didn't take it out on her or anything... But when she went to the bathroom to shower... For the first time 5years... I picked up her phone. She left it right next to me... Maybe because I've always 100% trusted her... Until now.. I open up whatsapp... And the third chat is to a guy 2 years yonger that is somewhat of a celebrity on the island.
The chat says
Her:
00:56 - goodnight love {kiss emoji}
07:45 - David?
Him:
07:46 - heyy
Her:
07:51 - I had you in my dreams all night
07:51 - miss uu
Him:
Sends her a pic of himself.
07:52 I'll msg you when I arrive
That was the end of the chat... There was also no history...
My heart dropped... I mean... We slept right next to each other last night... Made out... Some light petting.... Told each other we love each other... I'm meeting her entire family and friend structure in her home country... She wanted me to be there to support her emotionally when she meets her father and her brother she's never met....
I'm here in a foreign country for 10 more days, where I don't even speak the language...
What the fuck....
I went into the bathroom... Collected myself.. And I've tried to mask my emotions for the whole day.... But seriously... What the fuck...
Man. That's some rough shit. Emotional cheating hurts just as bad as physical stuff IMO (who knows if that has happened too :/)
I think it might be best to bring it up to her. Say you don't know why, but you looked at her phone and you saw it. That might be the end of that relationship though.
/hug
methane47
Member
Sooo are those texts bad? Or is it just me going crazy??...Sigh... Let's see how the rest of this trip goes..
And when the trip is over... I don't really want to lose her. I've invested so much in a this... And she has as well... Sigh...
But I don't want to pander to her feelings and be a chump either. Only to get dumped after she sets herself up properly...
Do you guys see this chat going any other way besides ending with a break up?
And when the trip is over... I don't really want to lose her. I've invested so much in a this... And she has as well... Sigh...
But I don't want to pander to her feelings and be a chump either. Only to get dumped after she sets herself up properly...
Do you guys see this chat going any other way besides ending with a break up?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yes, I think it's possible. After all, this is (likely) a case of emotional cheating or flirting via the Internet. But after the vacation's over, it's time for you to have a serious conversation with her about the status of your relationship and where it's going. To be perfectly honest, what struck me as the most shocking thing about your disclosure was that, not only is there a "power imbalance" in your relationship, at least in your eyes, where your girlfriend depended upon you as a spouse-like provider, but that you're also refusing to even consider living with her.
Five years is is a long time. Let's wait for some ladies to chime in (like gaiages), but women tend to reach a tipping point in relationships when they don't see it going anywhere. And now you've just hit your first incredibly overt speedbump.
The language you're using is really telling. "Invested so much time." "Pander to her feelings." Being "dumped" like a "chump." After five years, while you can still use the word dumped, it takes on an entirely different connotation than couples that were together for a few months.
All I'm saying is that, wait until you're back home, then talk about where you want to head with this girl, rather than just grasping for the status quo. The entire setup is weird, too. Keep in mind that your girlfriend could have EASILY passed this off as a family trip, where she could meet this guy and do whatever, without any risk of you discovering "David." But no, she wanted you along -- explicitly inviting you to what's obviously a pivotal moment in her life.
Expect this situation to be weird and layered, as relationships often are.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Wait til the trip is over. Then dump her. I could try and be supportive but personally speaking, if I read that shit after 5 years I would not be in a relationship anymore so that'a my advice for you.
Belle Amour
Neo Member
GAF mostly need to vent cause I have no where else to go. Been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. Never thought I could both love & hate a person so much & with such passion through all this time. Don't get me wrong I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy & I'm 100 on that too. But we've had many ups and downs and lately have been at odds over stupid shit. I know it stupid shit and so does he, but rather than resolve it and be on good terms again he goes lengths to ignore me and gives me the fucking silent treatment for sometimes days. It's a big deal when he gives me the silent treatment because we talk (for 20+ min) and text everyday. I've called him out on this and he pretty much tells me "we need distance so your ass can get back in check" or "you're being dramatic (only after being ignored it drives me fucking insane and it's the quickest way to piss me off beyond any repair) and I don't need that in my life" ..."need to cut the head off the snake"
How will we ever actually resolve anything in (god willing) a marriage or in a situation where we live together someday if he can't seem to work with me to resolve fucking petty bullshit? Like I said he goes lengths to ignore me, create space, and give me the silent treatment for days when this happens. ...and it leaves me feeling broken hearted. God dam it I only want things to be better and I'm stuck in this fucking limbo of depression because I don't feel loved, respected, appreciated, don't even feel like I exist. I get lonely, depressed, and become (god fucking forbid) needy for any shred of attention and love from him.
WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME???? I'm a fucking mess right now, sobbing when I'm supposed to be sleepin because "the love of my life" wants nothing to do with me currently. It makes me feel so heartbroken, sad, angry, frustrated...and I feel so much hate for him. I hate when he treats me this way.....
All I can think to do is give him a taste of his own medicine so after two days when he's ready to finally talk I can fucking ignore his sorry ass so he feels that absence and it worries him and hurts him like I'm hurting now! I never do that so it'd send a clear message.....
Just don't know what to do. Feel hurt when all I want to be is loved.
How will we ever actually resolve anything in (god willing) a marriage or in a situation where we live together someday if he can't seem to work with me to resolve fucking petty bullshit? Like I said he goes lengths to ignore me, create space, and give me the silent treatment for days when this happens. ...and it leaves me feeling broken hearted. God dam it
I only want things to be better and I'm stuck in this fucking limbo of depression because I don't feel loved, respected, appreciated, don't even feel like I exist. I get lonely, depressed, and become (god fucking forbid) needy for any shred of attention and love from him.WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO ME???? I'm a fucking mess right now, sobbing when I'm supposed to be sleepin because "the love of my life" wants nothing to do with me currently. It makes me feel so heartbroken, sad, angry, frustrated...and I feel so much hate for him. I hate when he treats me this way.....
All I can think to do is give him a taste of his own medicine so after two days when he's ready to finally talk I can fucking ignore his sorry ass so he feels that absence and it worries him and hurts him like I'm hurting now! I never do that so it'd send a clear message.....
Just don't know what to do. Feel hurt when all I want to be is loved.
Sounds like you are in a poor relationship and should re-evaluate whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. No one should be treated like this, or feel like you should 'give him a taste of his own medicine.'
The "silent treatment" is a very very poor way of communication.
And "give him a taste of his own medicine" is also poor.
You have two options
a) Talk with him and stop that childish behaviour
b) Put an end to it.
D
Deleted member 529084
Unconfirmed Member
Ugh..don't know what to do tonight..
Got tickets for the Melvins/Le Buttcherettes show in Philly..
Just found out my girls husband (in a divorce) is going to be their and his friends.
This is a guy she was with for almost 20 years and is divorcing do to being a violent wife beater.
When she found out he was going her dumbass response was to tell him I was her "gay friend"
Wtf..
I get it, I get called pretty alot and have been asked if I am so I'm not to mad..
Her saying "you'll see he's obviously gay" was kind of much tho..
Fuck...I'm gonna get jumped lol
But I don't want to change my plans over thi guy..
Got tickets for the Melvins/Le Buttcherettes show in Philly..
Just found out my girls husband (in a divorce) is going to be their and his friends.
This is a guy she was with for almost 20 years and is divorcing do to being a violent wife beater.
When she found out he was going her dumbass response was to tell him I was her "gay friend"
Wtf..
I get it, I get called pretty alot and have been asked if I am so I'm not to mad..
Her saying "you'll see he's obviously gay" was kind of much tho..
Fuck...I'm gonna get jumped lol
But I don't want to change my plans over thi guy..
Vaudeville Villain
Member
Crap, I'm nervous GAF. I have a crush in my art class which I Haven't had in a while. I sit in the front while she sits in the back, I would like to approach her or possibly just sit next to her next class session but I find myself nervous. Me being nervous is an anomaly to me, more often than not I can talk to girls no problem but I find myself overthinking things. Does she have a BF? Of course she does, how do pretty girls not have BF's. Stupid shit runs through my head. I'm literally stuck and I don't want to be that guy that doesn't do anything. So, tell me what to do and it's done.
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