A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
not entirely accurate but i found it cute
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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I do have a lot of work to do. It stresses me out thinking about how long it's going to take me. I've always been told I'm a "late bloomer".
Yeah, I know it's my own damn fault for feeling this way. She left me coldheartedly and it devastated me. There's clearly a chemical imbalance. By pain do you mean emotional pain over the loss of my ex? If so, I'd say it sticks around 7. It jumps up higher when I hear about how much she loves her new boyfriend or something along those lines. Hearing about her doing things we used to do raises that pain. I feel I never really got a 2nd chance to make things right. The weeks following the break up and a few weeks ago I'd say the pain was at a 10. I sunk pretty low.
How long were you in the relationship?
welp, I thought there really was some theories/ideas out there. Oh well.
My "friend" won't stop haunting me until the day I fucking die.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
we are in the mercy of our dreams.
our brains are trolls.
There are plenty of "other hypothesis" but that gets into the the Freudesque otherrealm of quack beliefs.
our brains are trolls.
There are plenty of "other hypothesis" but that gets into the the Freudesque otherrealm of quack beliefs.
Oh I read that.
Was just asking how long you were in the relationship again.
Edit: my bad. You said 18 months in that post.
It takes about 18 weeks to get over a typical relationship, research suggests.
A useless figure apart from indicating how 'mental trauma' is harder to recover from than bones.. Bone fractures take about 6 weeks to significantly get better..
'Recovery' from a typical divorce is around 18 months..
Considering it has been 32 weeks & I am not yet over it, does this mean I have even longer to suffer? 18 months being depressed over my ex whom, for all I know, hates me, is me being sad over her for as long as I was with her. That seems excessive.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
I haven't been posting as much, somewhat because I have been regressing in a bad way.
My thoughts are getting more and more disturbing, just today I had one where one of the voices in my head said that it wanted my soul to be stolen through my penis.
Such an illogical and scary thought, this madness inside my head seeks to destroy me seeks to invite evil into my life.
I don't like this madness, and while it has quieted some by my medication the last month and a half have been very hard for me. I've been restless, and I've had some issues with my nightmares coming through the wall of sleep to the point where I'll be lucidly dreaming and suffering from some odd form of sleep paralysis. I told my psych, and shes worried that they've done all they can do and that my fragile mindstate is dangerous.
It's true, I feel terrible. I feel like I won't make it to play MGSV: THe Phantom Pain which lately has been my sole want in life, aside from you know, being not crazy and getting my novel done and prospering instead of constantly worrying when my ramschackle life will fall inwards on me, or my father goes off the deep end, or something else happens.
I thought I was getting better but then...I don't know maybe this just the path I am on now, maybe this is the long road to getting better and I am just walking it now, maybe I expect to much to happen in a little time and my own personal desperation makes everything seem slow.
I just want things to get better, I want to be better I want my life to be better and for my family's life to better.
It doesn't help that I had another health scare with a huge nasty ass sore that had to be lanced in the emergency room, they thought I was also maybe having appendicitis so they had to run all the tests to make sure I didn't have that or a hernia.
I haven't been posting out of fear and not wanting you guys to worry.
Now, everyday I just hope that everything will be okay.
so much stress.
My thoughts are getting more and more disturbing, just today I had one where one of the voices in my head said that it wanted my soul to be stolen through my penis.
Such an illogical and scary thought, this madness inside my head seeks to destroy me seeks to invite evil into my life.
I don't like this madness, and while it has quieted some by my medication the last month and a half have been very hard for me. I've been restless, and I've had some issues with my nightmares coming through the wall of sleep to the point where I'll be lucidly dreaming and suffering from some odd form of sleep paralysis. I told my psych, and shes worried that they've done all they can do and that my fragile mindstate is dangerous.
It's true, I feel terrible. I feel like I won't make it to play MGSV: THe Phantom Pain which lately has been my sole want in life, aside from you know, being not crazy and getting my novel done and prospering instead of constantly worrying when my ramschackle life will fall inwards on me, or my father goes off the deep end, or something else happens.
I thought I was getting better but then...I don't know maybe this just the path I am on now, maybe this is the long road to getting better and I am just walking it now, maybe I expect to much to happen in a little time and my own personal desperation makes everything seem slow.
I just want things to get better, I want to be better I want my life to be better and for my family's life to better.
It doesn't help that I had another health scare with a huge nasty ass sore that had to be lanced in the emergency room, they thought I was also maybe having appendicitis so they had to run all the tests to make sure I didn't have that or a hernia.
I haven't been posting out of fear and not wanting you guys to worry.
Now, everyday I just hope that everything will be okay.
so much stress.
Thanks for listening.
I don't really have much close friends I could trust my problems to. I've moved last year, but I've been so busy with my classwork I wasn't able to hang out with anyone or to maintain any close relations at all. I tried to become friends with my classmates, but they've become distant because of one of my breakdowns, so I don't think it is worth it to start over. Actually, I don't think I have any close friends at all. I have some people I like to have fun with, but no one I can deeply trust. The only person I can speak to about my problems is my SO, buuut... I don't know, I don't want to scare him away. What if he'll get fed up with me and my problems and go looking for someone more "normal"?
About family... well, I pretty much don't interact with my family. The only person I speak regularly with is my mother
yeah
Yeah, I'm only 19, but it feels like I was given a worse start than many others. While some people are already more successful than me at stuff I'm interested in (art, video game development, languages), I'm struggling to sort out things with my emotions and my mental health. And I think it's going to be even worse with age. Lack of money really affects me as well.
Well, maybe "hates" is a bit too powerful word. I'd be glad if someone hated me, at least it would mean that I'm doing something that affects others. But I certainly feel that no one really likes me. All I do is "exist" - I have no close friends, none of my works really touch anyone at all. Maybe others tolerate me, but I don't think they even like me. It really is hard to explain.
Thanks again for listening to me and being so nice.
Randomizer, I've never suffered from comparable issues so I don't have a magic bullet for you but I'm glad you popped in and shared what's going on. I hope the medication is able to help you!
Are you moving to a new area of the state or country? Perhaps you can make a thread here on GAF asking those who live in the area what areas to live in or avoid.
I think your suffering will slowly, slowly subside on its own - and it already has, slightly - but I think it would greatly accelerate your progress to see a therapist and work through how you can find value in yourself independent of a significant other. I worry that if you moved onto to another relationship or even got back together with your ex it would just set you up for another stretch of hell if things didn't work out.
Did you follow up with your mom about help finding a therapist?
I'm so sorry to hear things have been tough, RoyaleDuke. Did your psych really have no suggestions other than saying she thinks she's tried everything she can? Surely in this wide, wide world of medicine there are treatments and approaches you haven't yet tried!
In the mean time, I hope you are able to find some relief soon. I'm glad to stopped by to check in.
Well, the question is, what precludes those friends you spend time with, or even your significant other, from being someone you can trust and who can become a close friend? True, we simply are not deeply compatible with every person, but at a certain point its up to us to put forth some vulnerability in order to forge a deeper connection with those around us. It is a risk, yes, but I think if approached in the right way it's not SUCH a risk that you need to worry about driving everyone away.
It's interesting, really: vulnerability is the first thing we want from everyone else and the last thing we're willing to offer.
I also challenge your definition of success. Success is malleable. There are many people out there who are a much bigger "success" than me if measured by their careers and mental health. However, those are not the only valid metrics and, frankly, I don't want my life defined by my career. I'll take half of the "success" if it means I can be a more balanced, down to earth person.
Either way, it's far too soon for you to write the epitaph on your attempt at life, or to deem your life simply "unsuccessful".
Classwork does take up a lot of time, but there is a balance one can find between school and personal time. Perhaps personal time would naturally become more of a priority if you felt more connected to more people?
<3
Things have slowly been getting worse since I noticed her reactivate her FB page a couple weeks ago (she deactivated it 1 month after the break up and it has gone untouched since she reactivated. All pics of us together are still there. I actually looked happy, and it was crazy to see that. It has been so long). What flooded my mind were (false, as far as I can tell) notions that she wanted to peak into my life because things weren't going good with her boyfriend (her sister had told me some things about my ex's boyfriend that were... less than stellar).
Before, I had been able to hold myself back from checking my ex's twitter page. I cracked and checked. First I noticed that my ex unblocked me. Then I read new tweets about how great her bf is, blah blah. It hurt, bad. So bad to the point that it's what triggered my asking my mom about therapy. Since starting to check her twitter a couple weeks ago, I have been having bad dreams about her. One tweet was about how she "married the right person" because they were drunk in an arcade at 2am or something. That night I dreamed I was in an arcade, saw her, and she ran from me. The feeling was... soul crushing. I've had several more dreams involving her since then. If that isn't a sign as to how fucked my mind is, I don't know what else could be.
Because of all that, I deleted my twitter and instagram pages (temporarily) to curb myself from checking, or even to curb her from peaking into my life (which I doubt she was even doing). That was a day ago and I haven't looked since.
Yes, my mom called and emailed me a list of therapists in my area that she got from the insurance company. I emailed one of them close to me and will be setting up an appointment. That was my moms opportunity to go on a long spiel about how what I'm going through is normal and that, because my ex was my first love, it will hurt for a long time and some people take longer than others to bounce back, etc etc. It's quite depressing.
I plan on calling the doctor tomorrow, but I am on Adderall and Pristiq.
Ever since last night (I have been on Adderall for a few weeks with no new real problems), I have started feeling strange. My stomach has felt weird, but I don't know how exactly to describe it. Earlier today my stomach felt worse, but it also felt like I was extremely hungry, I ate something, and the hunger part of that went away, but now it still feels weird like last night.
On top of that, I feel like my body is kind of pulsating randomly. It seems like my heart, but I kind of feel it in my chest in general. It doesn't hurt and isn't painful. When I walk around, I feel kind of dizzy.
Ever since last night (I have been on Adderall for a few weeks with no new real problems), I have started feeling strange. My stomach has felt weird, but I don't know how exactly to describe it. Earlier today my stomach felt worse, but it also felt like I was extremely hungry, I ate something, and the hunger part of that went away, but now it still feels weird like last night.
On top of that, I feel like my body is kind of pulsating randomly. It seems like my heart, but I kind of feel it in my chest in general. It doesn't hurt and isn't painful. When I walk around, I feel kind of dizzy.
Your mother's not totally wrong, but that still doesn't speak to the immense difficulty you've been having, which seems to be tied into your self-perception and difficulty finding meaning. I hope the therapist is able to work you in soon! Remember that if the first one doesn't work out for some reason there are many, many more options.
Also, I think you took a positive step in minimizing your social media accounts. Have you considered deactivating your Facebook as well or blocking her?
Are you sure you've been eating enough? Stimulants like Adderall can suppress the appetite quite a bit and the symptoms you describe are not unlike what I've felt when I've suffered from physical exhaustion issues.
<3
The therapist had a last minute cancellation, so I went. It went well. Held myself together better than I thought. Explained everything. What the therapist told me was a lot of what I already heard. She tells me everyone makes mistakes, that first loves will always hold special places in our hearts, that minimizing social media was good, that I need to distract myself and avoid thinking of her. She also told me that the blame is on both ends. While I made mistakes, she also did too. That there is no time frame for healing broken hearts. That since this was my first, it will be far more difficult for me. She commended me on making steps to going back to school and such. She told me I shouldn't be so hard on myself, that what is done is done. She also said that what will be, will be - that if my ex comes back into my life, then so be it. Not to avoid such things because it would be nearly impossible (referring back to the first love thing).
I was in there for an hour and a half. Sessions are only supposed to be 50 minutes. Guess it was good that I was the last one. Made a follow up session for the 29th. I'm not sure what else there would be to talk about. She asked a lot of questions and told me a ton of stuff in that time frame. She stressed that I shouldn't beat myself up, that she has a hard time believing my ex "hates" me, but is probably "angry" with me - that people don't get "angry" with people that don't care for. That the last thing my ex remembers about us probably isn't all the bad things, etc.
I have not considered blocking/deleting her on facebook. I don't think I can bring myself to do so unless she starts posting pictures of her and her boyfriend, then I will.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
IP, hang in there man, it is a process and not an easy one.
Thanks for the reply Piano, it is much appreciated.
She's thinking about putting me on something else, I got a call from her yesterday. Not sure which drug is next.
I saw my therapist today and really got to unload, and talk with her and had some interesting breakthroughs. I put too much pressure on myself, and it's hard to heal in the environment that I live my life in, and that I also guilt myself too much or look for guilt when there is none.
It was nice to see my therapist and I feel a lot better today.
Once MGSV comes out and I've played the single player a bit, me and you bro. MGO! MGO!
Thanks for the reply Piano, it is much appreciated.
She's thinking about putting me on something else, I got a call from her yesterday. Not sure which drug is next.
I saw my therapist today and really got to unload, and talk with her and had some interesting breakthroughs. I put too much pressure on myself, and it's hard to heal in the environment that I live my life in, and that I also guilt myself too much or look for guilt when there is none.
It was nice to see my therapist and I feel a lot better today.
It sounds like it went pretty well! It takes at least a few appointments to get a sense of whether you and a therapist will "click" or not, and again, remember if not there are many other options out there. I also advocate being direct with therapists; if you think she's only telling you things you already know, tell her that! Be as clear as you can about what you need, in a polite way.
Probably, though, this appointment was mostly just for her to catch up on what's going on and it'll take a little while before she learns you and the situation well enough to start helping you reframe your thinking.
There will be plenty more to talk about. Sure, breakups are hard, everyone gets sad, yadda yadda yadda, but the question is - why has it been so hard for you? Why have you had such difficulty finding self worth outside of this relationship? What past experiences are those circumstances stemming from? And so on. I would bet my life savings that there are many layers of this that will be extremely helpful to explore, no joke, it's just a matter of finding the right therapist to explore them with. It's good that she's asking you questions, and hopefully she will eventually ask some questions that you hadn't considered before, or push you to think about topics you've been avoiding, and in both circumstances, I hope you are able to stay open and honest, even if it's uncomfortable.
I'm so glad to hear that therapy helped. I also had a good therapy appointment today, it really does help
<3
Yeah, she stressed that there is nothing more to be done about it and that I need to move on with my life. I didn't tackle the self worth bit, but I did go into detail about my family, how I feel I need to be successful with an education, etc. She delved into why I was attracted to my ex, why I can't get passed this, where I went wrong in the relationship, and so on. I was open with her completely. Whatever she asked, I answered with honesty.
I suppose it's so hard for me because I didn't get closure, it ended so badly, and one must factor in that she was my first for everything. First loves, she stressed, will always have a special place in our hearts. That I am so crushed because of this real future I saw with her got crushed in an instant, etc.
Distraction is key, which I understand. She understands that, because I am depressed, I have lost interest in much of what would normally be distracting me. She wants me to force myself to do these things.
It certainly isn't easy in any sense of the word.
Yeah, MGSV will distract me for awhile, but after that... =\
I don't know, it's entirely possible. My stomach still feels like shit and I have vertigo, but I ate a small dinner a while ago. I had a decent sized lunch, I don't eat breakfast these days since I don't wake up early at all.
Team Alucard
Banned
I think I might drop out of college. I just don't see the point anymore.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Can you take a medical leave of absence?
Team Alucard
Banned
I dunno. My grades are good, and the classwork isnt an issue. I just feel like its a waste of time and all im doing is flushing money down the toilet. Very pessimistic about my future employment opportunities. I made one of my professors very angry today when i made a comment about how college degrees are mostly worthless anymore.
I guess its not just college either, I kinds feel like i want to throw everything away. just go get lost in some wilderness and wander around aimlessly until the end comes.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Are you using the mental health services? They'll help you out if you need a break.
Team Alucard
Banned
I dont know if they even have any. Im only at a shitty community college, not a real university.
Omega Ultimus
Member
Try to check their website.
Therapy is a process. You'd be surprised how far down the rabbit hole you have to go to get at the source of your emotions. I remember bawling like a baby at some of my sessions (and I urge you to feel what you need to feel during therapy. Trying to repress or putting on a brave face just holds you back).
As a prologue to this post, I do want to mention that I'm still doing a lot better than I was last week. I'm not in a super deep depression or anything at the moment, but I'm certainly not feeling my best either.
Anyways, two things:
1) I've started noticing that one of the main things that sparks my depression is feelings of loneliness. This has been an issue for a while, but it used to be somewhat legitimate because I've had pretty awful luck with friends in the past. However, right now I've got an awesome group of friends who I see on a regular basis and always have a great time with and also a best friend who is one of the best friends I've ever had (in the sense that she makes efforts to hang out, doesn't bail on plans, etc.) and I really enjoy hanging out with. However, any moment I'm not with my friends, I just start feeling lonely again. And obviously this isn't healthy because it's not realistic to be able to hang out with friends 24/7.
So yeah, any tips or new perspectives on how to deal with that feeling of loneliness? Pretty clueless on what to do with that.
And that kind of brings me to point 2, which is one of the ways I have been dealing with that:
2) My tendencies for substance abuse have come alive once more. Nothing too bad at the moment, just a tiny bit of drinking as well as some cravings for other substances, but I don't like being in this place. Don't really have much to add to that, but yeah.
Anyways, two things:
1) I've started noticing that one of the main things that sparks my depression is feelings of loneliness. This has been an issue for a while, but it used to be somewhat legitimate because I've had pretty awful luck with friends in the past. However, right now I've got an awesome group of friends who I see on a regular basis and always have a great time with and also a best friend who is one of the best friends I've ever had (in the sense that she makes efforts to hang out, doesn't bail on plans, etc.) and I really enjoy hanging out with. However, any moment I'm not with my friends, I just start feeling lonely again. And obviously this isn't healthy because it's not realistic to be able to hang out with friends 24/7.
So yeah, any tips or new perspectives on how to deal with that feeling of loneliness? Pretty clueless on what to do with that.
And that kind of brings me to point 2, which is one of the ways I have been dealing with that:
2) My tendencies for substance abuse have come alive once more. Nothing too bad at the moment, just a tiny bit of drinking as well as some cravings for other substances, but I don't like being in this place. Don't really have much to add to that, but yeah.
I think I already know the source, it's just my inability to let it go. I'm punishing myself as I replay the mistakes I made that were so easily avoidable.
I'm alone by myself about 99% of the time so I'm uniquely qualified to say that loneliness never really goes away but there are some steps you can take to mitigate it. Exercise, first off. When I'm taking one of my long walks, I'm too busy sweating to think of how lonely I feel. Losing yourself in work is another good one, whether it's your job or a hobby. It's a tough balance. I'm trying to reach out to people more who I haven't talked to in a while so I can get out of the apartment more often.
Yeah, I understand. Being unable to let things go is a problem I have too and hindsight is one of the biggest bitches there is. The hope is that at some point in the future, you can come to terms with the mistakes you (and she) made, accept them and then move on. It's hard. I know it's hard. Being constantly tormented by the choices you wish you hadn't made is true torture.
Realistically, 95% of my time is consumed by work and exercise. Weekdays I am literally working or exercising every hour except for when I'm eating or sleeping at home, and weekends I work 4 hours and usually exercise 2-3 hours.
It definitely helps relative to sitting at home doing nothing, but the loneliness still seeps through.
I really appreciate the reply though. I hope you're able to find ways to suppress your loneliness a bit and you can find some people to hang out with and get you out of the apartment.
Sure, dude. You're one of my fans!
But yeah, that's tricky. Back in the days when I was at school from morning to night, I honestly looked forward to the moments when I was alone by myself but we're all different and I was surrounded by friends (my classmates) all day.Sure, dude. You're one of my fans!
What's strange is that up until a few months ago, I always considered myself a complete introvert. Like, without a doubt. Ever since around the time I started taking my SSRIs though, all I've wanted to do is be around people.
It might have something to do with the fact that my full-time job is one where I'm literally alone in the office building or it might have something to do with the SSRIs taking away that "all I want to do is sit alone in my room" symptom of depression or something, but yeah.
It was pretty strange to realize that, since being an introvert was one of my defining characteristics before (the whole getting worn out from being around people and needing to rest by just being alone like you mentioned).
If I were to guess, I'd say it's a bit of both. It's very hard having a job where you're all alone (and I get that, as part of being a pianist is practicing by yourself for hours on end). And yeah, the meds can really lift those clouds. I've been slacking on them myself, lately and should start taking them again. I just hate the sexual side-effects.
If I were to guess, I'd say it's a bit of both. It's very hard having a job where you're all alone (and I get that, as part of being a pianist is practicing by yourself for hours on end). And yeah, the meds can really lift those clouds. I've been slacking on them myself, lately and should start taking them again. I just hate the sexual side-effects.
Yeah, you're probably right.
The good news is that a week from today will be my last day at that job! I turned in my two weeks on Monday and start a new job as a manager of a frozen yogurt place in a little over a week. That should be much better for me on the loneliness front since I'll actually be interacting with human beings all day. I'm really looking forward to it.
Congrats, dude!
I hope so too. One thing the shrink told me was that there is no time limit for how long it takes to get over someone, especially a first love. I mentioned how ridiculous it would be for me to feel this depressed over her for more than 18 months (the length of time we were together), but again... no time limit she says. The mistakes replay in my head every day. What's worse is that I remember all the good times we had, realize that's all over, and then slip back down the hole again. It's a painful loop. I really am stuck in limbo.
I noticed my ex deactivated her FB page again. I guess she made it to check something... perhaps peak at me since I disabled my twitter/ig pages? I feel stupid for even assuming she'd give a damn enough to care, to even wonder about me.
Well, last week I officially finished my bachelor's degree, did my final presentation and finished everything with a very good score, which might allow me to get a good scholarship for a master's. And yet I don't feel particularly happy, only relieved of having everything done.
Actually I think I feel quite miserable. I don't have any friends to celebrate it with, and no one apart from my immediate family really cares about it. I'm as far as I've always been from being social, having friends or a girlfriend.
I had big expectations when I started uni, I thought I would make friends, have girlfriend(s), be more open and social, but nothing really happened. It was just me alone in my room, as always. It's on me though, but apparently I can't change. My self-image problems keep dragging me down.
I just wanted to vent a bit.
Actually I think I feel quite miserable. I don't have any friends to celebrate it with, and no one apart from my immediate family really cares about it. I'm as far as I've always been from being social, having friends or a girlfriend.
I had big expectations when I started uni, I thought I would make friends, have girlfriend(s), be more open and social, but nothing really happened. It was just me alone in my room, as always. It's on me though, but apparently I can't change. My self-image problems keep dragging me down.
I just wanted to vent a bit.
I don't know what it is but I just want to get out of my town. I don't want to attend the local community college or the uni we have 15 minutes away. I'm so far behind time wise with school (first few years were a mess) because I'm getting most of my old failing grades wiped away and my GPA was low enough to knock my aid eligibility and limit the amount of credits I can take. I'm paid for my summer courses but I had to drop my second one due to being low on money, quitting my job and getting a new one which I wanted to focus on just to build my savings back up before Fall semester.
fast forward to today and I'm hoping I can sign up for one of the online English classes that I had to drop in the summer. I still have to pay for it out of pocket but whatever I guess. I want to be closer to my girlfriend too, experience a big city and put my mind fully toward school so I can get into the program I want at the uni due to it having a high GPA requirement. I was never good at school so I am constantly stressing about if I'll ever get into the program because what if I don't? when what program to I try for? will I be even further behind if that happens? just so much stress when I think about school that I just want it to be over with already and I still have a good 4-5 years left LOL.
I'm wondering (read as I'm really hoping) moving and transferring to the CC in the city where the uni is located I wish to attend would make any of this easier or would calm my nerves a little bit with daily thinking.
fast forward to today and I'm hoping I can sign up for one of the online English classes that I had to drop in the summer. I still have to pay for it out of pocket but whatever I guess. I want to be closer to my girlfriend too, experience a big city and put my mind fully toward school so I can get into the program I want at the uni due to it having a high GPA requirement. I was never good at school so I am constantly stressing about if I'll ever get into the program because what if I don't? when what program to I try for? will I be even further behind if that happens? just so much stress when I think about school that I just want it to be over with already and I still have a good 4-5 years left LOL.
I'm wondering (read as I'm really hoping) moving and transferring to the CC in the city where the uni is located I wish to attend would make any of this easier or would calm my nerves a little bit with daily thinking.
Omega Ultimus
Member
I don't know if you're seriously entertaining the idea of suicide or not, but if you are, please call the Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-TALK (8255)) which is free and confidential. Or, you can PM me or vent here. Don't throw away your life so easily, especially when emotional/mental states like these are often temporary and treatable; I'm sure you can fix your disposition and your problems. You can be happy.
Otherwise, if you feel like you're dissatisfied with your place in life, you should consider seeing a psychiatrist. Or, talk with us here and we can give advice and serve as emotional support. For the latter, I still recommend seeing a therapist in tandem with talking with us.
I am fearful of this happening to me...
CoyoteSpitfire
Member
.
I feel like I'm really going off the deep end again. Pretty terrible timing too, since I'm starting my new job that I'm actually really excited about next week and I'm really scared that I'm going to blow the opportunity.
It's truly frustrating that everything seems to be going my way and I feel like - disregarding mental health (I know, that's a big thing to disregard) - I'm probably in the best place I've ever been. I've got great friends, a hobby that I absolutely love, and now finally a job I think I'll actually enjoy (and is good experience and pays pretty well). Yet I'm absolutely miserable and making pretty bad substance-abuse-related choices.
Not really sure how to start crawling out of this hole to be honest.
It's truly frustrating that everything seems to be going my way and I feel like - disregarding mental health (I know, that's a big thing to disregard) - I'm probably in the best place I've ever been. I've got great friends, a hobby that I absolutely love, and now finally a job I think I'll actually enjoy (and is good experience and pays pretty well). Yet I'm absolutely miserable and making pretty bad substance-abuse-related choices.
Not really sure how to start crawling out of this hole to be honest.
First of all, congratulations on your graduation!
Have you considered seeking help from a therapist or psychologist? You say it's "on you" as though there were things you know you could've done differently but didn't. Often time with a therapist or comparable mental health treatment can help us understand and improve our behavior so we can overcome personal obstacles towards our own growth.
I want to tell you that at 22 (?) your life is far from over, and your person and personality far from defined. You've got many years ahead of you which hold promise as long as you can find a way to grow forward rather than look back.
Would you have a job and an affordable living situation in the new city?
Sirolf, judging by your account activity it seems as though you made it through the night. I'm sorry it was a tough one - are these feelings of self-harm something that happen regularly? Do they coincide with when you drink, or is there some other pattern? Perhaps it'd be a good idea to take a break from alcohol until things clear up a bit?
Got totally blindsided by a text from someone earlier, now I'm crying in a bathroom in workLiving the dream...
Even the dream, unfortunately, has its ups and downs. I hope you can focus on just getting to the end of today where, once you're not at work, you can further decompress and sort through your feelings. Best of luck today and let us know if there's anything we can do!
I'm inclined to agree with your therapist on this one. Getting "over" someone (or more accurately, being at peace with what happened) is a process measured in the thoughts and emotions you need to sort through, not how long you've had them. Sometimes they sort themselves out, sometimes they don't. I hope your next few appointments begin to give you a sense of progress in this regard.
Sorry things are tough, Kipp. What does it feel like? Sadness? Anxiety? Emptiness? Loneliness?
Also, re: the substance abuse. What is it you like so much about the feeling the substances give you? What is the feeling you're chasing? What is it you're running away from?
<3
Thanks, Piano.
I'd probably go with emptiness, with some notable loneliness and probably quite a bit of anxiety that I haven't really been consciously noticing but is there nonetheless (AKA I haven't really been noticing that I'm experiencing anxiety, but one of the main things I do when I'm anxious is write reminders to myself because I'm worried I'll forget about everything, and I've been writing tons of reminders to myself lately).
But I think the main problem is emptiness/anhedonia. I just haven't felt that "spark" or that love of life for the past few weeks. That really gets to you, you know? Waking up without really feeling any actual desire to do anything. It's not like I'm actively miserable (well, most days) but I'm definitely not loving life by any means.
And regarding the substance abuse, I'm going to PM you because there's some stuff I'm not really prepared to spill on a public forum quite yet.
Ah yes, the big emptiness. It's awful, but it's also a foundation for a lot of personal growth.
My the next questions would be - is there anything in your life that fills that emptiness? Any activities, or events, or anything that doesn't just help you ignore it, but fills it up even just a little bit?
Also, what can you see or feel near the source of the emptiness? It's probably not possible to make sense of its source right this moment, but when you try to unravel it, what's down there? Questions about the meaning of it all that you cannot resolve? A dead awareness of there being no universal purpose? A constant anxiety at the imperfection of life? Or perhaps something else entirely?
Just some questions to mull over!
<3
Hanging out with friends and climbing (a major part of which is hanging out with friends) definitely fill the emptiness a lot. The main issue is that the second I'm back alone at home or at the office or whatever, the empty feeling immediately comes back. It's like my mind isn't able to remember the fact that I do live a full life, even if I'm not living a full life at that very moment. I essentially have to keep myself constantly busy or else I start sinking into a depression.
Regarding the next question, I've got absolutely no clue, but that's certainly something I'll try to be mindful of and start thinking exploring.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Been feeling angry and irritated lately. hmmm. Not nice.
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