Is it possible she may have been joking?
If not it's a tad cruel.
You could ask her to clarify what she means?
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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Is it possible she may have been joking?
If not it's a tad cruel.
You could ask her to clarify what she means?
User 479360
Banned
I think people are sick of hearing about my depression. I sometimes get grumpy, misinformed comments on Facebook.
I've been suffering from anxiety from the past week and a half due to my MCAT, but even though I've agreed to delay it the anxiety is still with me. What is going on?
Edit: Well, I tried working out and taking a shower and I realized that the reason my anxiety shot up so quickly was because I lacked confidence in myself, as cheesy as that sounds. During the past almost two weeks, I've been depressed and anxious and didn't know why. I had felt this way before and simply located it to a fear of death or failure. Really though, in its purest essence, I'm just became not confident in my own abilities. Now that I've located the source of my anxiety, I'm going to take steps to tackle it.
Edit: Well, I tried working out and taking a shower and I realized that the reason my anxiety shot up so quickly was because I lacked confidence in myself, as cheesy as that sounds. During the past almost two weeks, I've been depressed and anxious and didn't know why. I had felt this way before and simply located it to a fear of death or failure. Really though, in its purest essence, I'm just became not confident in my own abilities. Now that I've located the source of my anxiety, I'm going to take steps to tackle it.
I'm always scared I'll screw up or do something bad, but at the same time, I really just don't give a shit. If that even makes sense. I don't know. I'm taking time off school and while it feels good not doing anything, I also don't see myself doing anything in the near future, either. It's like I can see myself/expect myself to be perfectly content doing jack shit; no school, no work. Far cry from where I was before. My brain just doesn't give a shit.
I see my psychiatrist every couple of months to refill my anti-depressants but that's it. No counselling or anything.
If you'll be writing the MCAT, you've nothing to fear about your intellectual ability. You're where I want, or wanted, to be in a few years. I hope all goes well for you.
T
thepotatoman
Unconfirmed Member
So, my post a few months ago about rumination a few months ago is still working fairly well for me. Working on removing rumination isn't really solving my social anxiety by itself, but it is giving me a lot more energy to continue moving forward on fighting the anxiety.
Unfortunately, the steps forward I've been making my anxiety better faced a bit of a stepback today as my new attempts of being more socially open lead to a scam artist talking me into giving him a ride across town to help with his bogus problems, leading to him finally asking me for money to fix his fake problems which is where I finally got wise to what was happening.
Feels rather bad to trust someone enough to let them into your car only for them to clearly try to screw you over. He never got a cent out of me, and I don't think I did a bad thing by giving a ride to a person in need of help, but it still hurts for it to happen just when you're trying to learn to not be afraid of every stranger that talks to you. Now my mind can't get off of how stupid I must look to buy into it at all, and repeating over and over the worst case what if scenario of him leading me somewhere to mug me instead of just trying to scam me.
I guess I'm posting this here because I'm having a hard time either ignoring the incidence, or interpreting it in a way that doesn't blow a big hole in my somewhat fragile self conscious.
Unfortunately, the steps forward I've been making my anxiety better faced a bit of a stepback today as my new attempts of being more socially open lead to a scam artist talking me into giving him a ride across town to help with his bogus problems, leading to him finally asking me for money to fix his fake problems which is where I finally got wise to what was happening.
Feels rather bad to trust someone enough to let them into your car only for them to clearly try to screw you over. He never got a cent out of me, and I don't think I did a bad thing by giving a ride to a person in need of help, but it still hurts for it to happen just when you're trying to learn to not be afraid of every stranger that talks to you. Now my mind can't get off of how stupid I must look to buy into it at all, and repeating over and over the worst case what if scenario of him leading me somewhere to mug me instead of just trying to scam me.
I guess I'm posting this here because I'm having a hard time either ignoring the incidence, or interpreting it in a way that doesn't blow a big hole in my somewhat fragile self conscious.
Yay! Got worried at the beginning of that story. Good job, you handled it fine!
kamineko
Does his best thinking in the flying car
I'm so glad you've gotten to a better place, kamineko
If you learn anything along the way about better ways to meet new people and be open to new things perhaps you can come back and share. I could definitely use some tips!
Hey, thanks Piano. I've met a few people through mutual friends (and even went on a date). It's been mostly fun, but it's obvious how much I have relied on alcohol and/or hypomania to get me through social situations. I feel like I am trying to figure out how to be a person, a strange pursuit at my advanced age!
I think the real test will be when classes start. I have a history of some pretty narcissistic thinking/behavior, and I will need to be mindful to avoid falling into those old traps. There is no fulfillment in that, only misery.
I think that kind of sums up my approach right now, mindfulness, and trying to acknowledge and push through my fears.
Some glimpses of hope. I started meditating half an hour before going to sleep for the past two nights. My tinnitus was getting extremely loud and I could not bear it anymore. After a bit of research on internet I was told that deep breathing and meditating helps alot in decreasing the sound. So I decided to do it and it worked. The ringing is still loud but now tolerable and its been only two nights. My head feels light. Something which I haven't been able to feel in years. I hope I can continue on improving. If my tinnitus becomes bearable then I can start focusing on improving my depression and anxiety problems.
Lots of people fall for all sorts of scams like that.
I fell for a phone one.
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
I need help. I've put on a face so we'll all my life, it's finally cracking and I can't deal with the pressure... I was at my friends house for a kick back and I was taking it easy on the drink, but I told my friends I wanted to see a psychologist, and they were shocked. They asked if I was depressed, and I said possibly- and they couldn't believe it.
They said I always seemed so happy, out of everyone, they've never seen me cry and I always had a smile: and that is what broke me. I had to get to myself, and I turned to pet the dogs crying quietly until they were distracted by beer pong. And I broke away to the office room to just cry. I've never lost it in front of my friends. But things are just starting to get to me.
I don't know what to do GAF. I don't know, and I have no one to talk to that I feel comfortable with and I'm really fucking scared.
They said I always seemed so happy, out of everyone, they've never seen me cry and I always had a smile: and that is what broke me. I had to get to myself, and I turned to pet the dogs crying quietly until they were distracted by beer pong. And I broke away to the office room to just cry. I've never lost it in front of my friends. But things are just starting to get to me.
I don't know what to do GAF. I don't know, and I have no one to talk to that I feel comfortable with and I'm really fucking scared.
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time, chiimisu.
I think you'd be surprised how many people out there are willing and able to listen and be understanding once we're able to present our problems without any "sharp edges". What I mean is, often people get caught up in feeling like they're expected to offer advice that will fix your problems or an aggressive tone makes them tune it out as "complaining", and both of those derail their ability to actually just stop and listen. Once you find better ways to just sort of "present" things in a calm, reasonable manner, perhaps even being blunt and clear that you don't need solutions, just someone to listen, people may soften up a lot.
I'd encourage you not to give up on talking to others about your issues, as knowing we've got others on our side tends to alleviate the weight of issues in a big way, even if they can't do anything about it. It sounds as though talking to your mother is a non-starter, at least for now, but maybe there are other friends or family around you could open up to?
As you said, you're only 19, and I really do think you've got plenty of time to turn things around. Why do you think everyone hates you? Is that feeling at all related to your suicidal thoughts?
Scam in what sense? Like other people are out to scam you, or like life itself is a scam because these desires feel worthless to you?
I don't think you're losing much by not caring about material things, but I truly think all human beings can benefit from friends. From my own perspective, I've found that there is a gap between what we need from the universe and what the universe provides us (see: the dilemma of the absurd), and since I, personally, am unable to fill that gap with religion, I've found a sense of community to be what fills it best.
My experience isn't universal, certainly, but I do wonder whether your disinterest in friends or relationships is the same as your disinterest in money and material things, or whether it's tied to some past negative experiences?
Just some thoughts. I hope they spur some useful introspection, the details of which you are free to share or not share at your choosing!
Everything in life seems pretty impossible if we think of it all at once. It helps so tremendously to take things one step at a time, to the best of your ability. If moving to another place is actually impossible given your circumstances or is something you straight up do NOT want to do then that's one thing, but it sounds more like it just seems impossible because it's so much?
You're not a dick. There are no obligations of any sort here. You're free to air things out as much as you need to
Ah yes, that kind of catastrophic thinking can be a crushing weight. I'm glad you were able to illuminate it and identify its power over your current situation. I'd be quite curious to read your reflections on how to work on it and improve it if you ever care to share (no worries if not, though!).
Best of luck on the MCAT, Mariolee.
I had a long period of my life where not doing anything was my ultimate goal, finally culminating in my spending a summer living at home just smoking weed and playing video games. It was a tough cycle to break.
In this period of not-giving-a-shit, are you still able to identify things that are meaningful to you, or bring you purpose, or you enjoy?
For what it's worth, therapy was a big, big, big part of what slowly got me out of that funk and got me to reconnect with the world around me, able to care. It turns out I'd had my feelings really, really, really hurt from a lot of angles and had just put up a lot of walls and shut everyone and everything out.
Have you considered pursuing / returning to (?) counseling?
I'm so glad to hear that meditation has been a help for you, Gurthang
For what it's worth, meditation has helped me tremendously over the past few years. There will be ups and downs and times you don't want to sit your butt down and deal with it due to impatience or disinterest or what not but if you can keep it up it can pay off in spades.
There is a Meditation OT but it's been pretty dead recently. Still, it's got a lot of good info posted within. I'm subbed to it so post in it if you want some recommendations on books / guided meditations / practice etc!
Is there a third option of treating your depression?
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, KLK.
Why do you feel uncomfortable speaking to your friends about your issues? Perhaps you can find a way to present it to them that you'll feel comfortable with.
<3
I don't know that I've fully conquered whatever my anxiety is about. I think it's linked to my feeling defeated with the MCAT due to not understanding the material as quickly as I would like, but also due to weird feelings of nervousness about death and what it entails. I've used my Christian background to help alleviate my fears, but I'm still feeling anxious. It's especially bad when I wake up after going to sleep. I feel lethargic and have lost my appetite, and I no longer want to do anything which is pathetic since I'm 20 years old and feel like I'm acting like a little kid.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
So an update to the previous post - after talking with my doctor I was given the green light to stop pristiq as well as SSRIs altogether (for now).
I was having a hard time deciding on approach, since there is kind of no good way to do it for this one (which if I had known from the outset I never would have agreed to take it in the first place, borderline irresponsible of doctors not to give you the heads up for meds that are notorious for their withdrawal) but after reading that tapering through alternating days could ultimately just prolong withdrawal suffering, I decided to go cold turkey and get over the worst of the side effects asap. As of today (day 3) it's not as bad as I feared from reading others' experiences. There's been a lot of brain zaps, a bit of insomnia, a noticeable increase in nightmares, and a few mood swings/sensitivity issues (watching Inside Out was poor planning on my part, lol) but otherwise it's been relatively smooth sailing. I'm hoping this might be the worst of it, because if so I can definitely manage.
As for going forward, I'm going to be headed back to CBT now that my work benefits have kicked in at my new job, and doubling down on mindfulness and exercise to try to get myself back on track. I felt like uncomfortably absent-minded and foggy brained with no creative drive on pristiq, which was scary as I'm working in the creative industry for my livelihood.
Just wanted to pop in to lend my further support and well-wishes to everyone going through their own personal battles. It does sometimes feel futile but I found that reading what others have been going through as well as being self-aware and accepting that what I'm experiencing is normal for the withdrawal process has been incredibly helpful. Hang in there.
fake edit; speaking of Inside Out, it really made me rethink how I process my feelings through the filter of depression. Its message of embracing sadness is a powerful one, and one I feel is important on the journey to combating depressive mood (that eradicating sadness isn't necessarily the answer, but to achieve a healthy balance between all your feelings).
I was having a hard time deciding on approach, since there is kind of no good way to do it for this one (which if I had known from the outset I never would have agreed to take it in the first place, borderline irresponsible of doctors not to give you the heads up for meds that are notorious for their withdrawal) but after reading that tapering through alternating days could ultimately just prolong withdrawal suffering, I decided to go cold turkey and get over the worst of the side effects asap. As of today (day 3) it's not as bad as I feared from reading others' experiences. There's been a lot of brain zaps, a bit of insomnia, a noticeable increase in nightmares, and a few mood swings/sensitivity issues (watching Inside Out was poor planning on my part, lol) but otherwise it's been relatively smooth sailing. I'm hoping this might be the worst of it, because if so I can definitely manage.
As for going forward, I'm going to be headed back to CBT now that my work benefits have kicked in at my new job, and doubling down on mindfulness and exercise to try to get myself back on track. I felt like uncomfortably absent-minded and foggy brained with no creative drive on pristiq, which was scary as I'm working in the creative industry for my livelihood.
Just wanted to pop in to lend my further support and well-wishes to everyone going through their own personal battles. It does sometimes feel futile but I found that reading what others have been going through as well as being self-aware and accepting that what I'm experiencing is normal for the withdrawal process has been incredibly helpful. Hang in there.
fake edit; speaking of Inside Out, it really made me rethink how I process my feelings through the filter of depression. Its message of embracing sadness is a powerful one, and one I feel is important on the journey to combating depressive mood (that eradicating sadness isn't necessarily the answer, but to achieve a healthy balance between all your feelings).
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
All of my docs have provided withdrawal and side effects information. Your pharmacist signs off before you get any medication and provided you with a medication guide with your prescription. Maybe it's a state by state legal thing.
People really need to speak up about their medication questions.
Going cold turkey is the worst thing to do unless directed to do so by your prescribing doctor.
After reading this, I do want to see Inside Out.
Inside Out A Neuroscience Metaphor
Also this is an encouraging story for all the med pursuing students
https://www.aamc.org/students/aspiring/inspiring-stories/434274/wellslarivire.html
People really need to speak up about their medication questions.
Going cold turkey is the worst thing to do unless directed to do so by your prescribing doctor.
After reading this, I do want to see Inside Out.
Inside Out A Neuroscience Metaphor
Also this is an encouraging story for all the med pursuing students
https://www.aamc.org/students/aspiring/inspiring-stories/434274/wellslarivire.html
I don't live in the US.
I always received side effect information from my doc but not withdrawal until I mentioned wanting to get off it, which I would have appreciated to know from the get-go. I only learned of pristiq's withdrawal notoriety after I went and did some research myself. As for documentation, I didn't receive any - the pharmacist would just talk through what to expect when handing the prescription over.
Generally I was referring less to my doctor's shortcomings (I'm ditching him, though) and more to the fact pristiq maybe shouldn't be prescribed as liberally as it seems it is, when there's no real way to wean off if you're on the lowest dose. 50mg to 0 is nothing to scoff at, and when the pills can't be cut it kind of feels discouraging when the only support you can get from the manufacturer or doctor is a shrug and a "good luck."
I don't know if that was directed at me, but the assumption I wasn't asking questions or checking up or staying informed is incorrect. Cold turkey is the option he suggested first.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
I've been balding quite fast since Jan at age 25 and it's changed me quite a lot. A lot more cynical, dark thoughts and less optimistic about being happy in the future. I've lost my spark and will leave my job once it's noticeable.
Still going just about but its really starting to catch up now.
Still going just about but its really starting to catch up now.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I see. Thanks for clarifying.
I get kinda defensive on that because antidepressants are misunderstood by the public.
Side effects being a huge issue because they Google it or talk with friends and the more outspoken ones tend to be the ones with bigger side effects. There's a ton of fear mongering and misinformation of antidepressants.
SNRIs tend to have a lot more side effects and withdrawal issues. Adherence needs to be quite rigid.
I get kinda defensive on that because antidepressants are misunderstood by the public.
Side effects being a huge issue because they Google it or talk with friends and the more outspoken ones tend to be the ones with bigger side effects. There's a ton of fear mongering and misinformation of antidepressants.
SNRIs tend to have a lot more side effects and withdrawal issues. Adherence needs to be quite rigid.
Why do you need to leave your job because of balding??
No worries. But yeah if anything I ask the doctor too many questions every step of the way, hah.
I see where you're coming from. Before starting them I had a lot of my own preconceived notions about antidepressants, some of which made me reluctant to consider them as an option. I'm glad I did though, even if I haven't yet found one that works completely for me. I'll be open to trying them again in future if after going down the CBT and lifestyle change route more seriously I'm still not feeling great.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
So I'm thinking of doing a sleep tips OT
Any questions you guys might have pertaining to sleep and mental health? Suggestions for sites, guides, or anything?
Hope things go well for you.
I've only recently got back into seeing a therapist so I also have to work on that. And getting back to working out on a regular basis.
Any questions you guys might have pertaining to sleep and mental health? Suggestions for sites, guides, or anything?
CBT is great and mindfulness/meditation are based on science, so I'm all for that.
Hope things go well for you.
I've only recently got back into seeing a therapist so I also have to work on that. And getting back to working out on a regular basis.
Go_Ly_Dow
Member
how depressed it makes me and my sapping confidence.
i have to speak to over 100 people everyday and its getting harder to stay upbeat.
Despite my best efforts I'm not really a morning person at all. It's probably all tied to sleep hygiene, but if there's anything you can think of for feeling less lethargic/fatigued and getting up without hitting snooze a million times I'd love to hear it.
Self-image entirely aside; I think the fact you're speaking to 100+ people on a daily basis should be proof enough that you have reason to be confident. Not a skill everyone has, to be sure.
Shave your head down to a #1 or #2 that's what I did. Makes showering much easier and faster too which is nice
pixelation
Member
No, there really isn't... but i'm on the hunt for a new job. I wanna get one so that i can have further tests done. Thanks for caring Piano... you're a really cool kitten.
Does anyone have any advice on becoming more motivated?
I have so many goals, but I can never seem to achieve them. It was hard enough before I had my job a few years back thanks to my anxiety, but it's even harder with a job.
I've been stuck in this rut for absolutely ages and it's incredibly frustrating.
Things I used to love are now such a chore.
I have so many goals, but I can never seem to achieve them. It was hard enough before I had my job a few years back thanks to my anxiety, but it's even harder with a job.
I've been stuck in this rut for absolutely ages and it's incredibly frustrating.
Things I used to love are now such a chore.
how long has it been?
Just an update:
Feeling much, much better now. Still not really sure what the huge depression which lasted about 5 days last week was all about, but I've feeling pretty normal for the past few days now.
Also, I found out yesterday morning that I got a new job! I'm really excited. I don't think my current full-time job was doing me any favors at all in terms of my mental health, so I have a good feeling things will only improve from here on out.
Feeling much, much better now. Still not really sure what the huge depression which lasted about 5 days last week was all about, but I've feeling pretty normal for the past few days now.
Also, I found out yesterday morning that I got a new job! I'm really excited. I don't think my current full-time job was doing me any favors at all in terms of my mental health, so I have a good feeling things will only improve from here on out.
depths20XX
Member
Sorry your mom reacted that way. Do you think your ex is the main cause for your depression or simply a trigger that revealed the issue to you?
I know when I broke up with my ex I went into a deep depression, thought I bounced out for a while, then became worse than before. Basically losing my ex made me realize I was never happy to begin with and I've had issues I haven't dealt with. All your happiness shouldn't rely on one person in your life.
I think therapy would be a good start and place for you to talk about these things.
I finally went to the doctor and had some blood tests done. As expected, there's nothing wrong with me health wise. That should be good news, but it was pretty much my last hope to find a reason for the orbital fat loss/atrophy above my eyes that developed during high school. He wants me to get an MRI, just to check to make sure things are alright structurally, but I simply can't afford it. I have insurance, but I have a $1,000 deductible, plus my insurance only covers 80% after meeting my deductible. Besides, I figure if I had something actually wrong up there I would have had some major symptom wise the past 15 years.
It'd take me years to save up a few thousand dollars to do an MRI, but I pretty much can't even get any more help until I do. He talked about a good specialist he knows, but he'll want an MRI too.
It'd take me years to save up a few thousand dollars to do an MRI, but I pretty much can't even get any more help until I do. He talked about a good specialist he knows, but he'll want an MRI too.
I want this anxiety about death to end so badly. Whenever I take a shower I am fine for about an hour and I'm back to my old self, so obviously this is something mental that's happening to me if it can be washed away with a shower right? Should I take meds? Will this just blow over?
That sounds rough man. Hopefully the specialist can at least help you, and who knows maybe some money for the MRI can come your way.
That sounds rough man. Hopefully the specialist can at least help you, and who knows maybe some money for the MRI can come your way.
Mariolee, it sounds like you're having some obsessive thoughts or rumination that you just can't seem to kick. It may blow over eventually, but there's also a chance it will come back even if it does blow over.
Do I think meds could help? They could, yes, they are able to minimize symptoms. Do I think therapy would help? Yes, absolutely. It sounds as though you're having a bit of an existential crisis and it could be very beneficial to explore with a therapist (or even some close friends or family!) what may be at the root of your sudden inescapable fear of death. This could give you better tools to avoid having this happen over and over again.
I'm not balding, but I did the same thing and man is it great! I went from a #3 down to #2 down to #1 and I stress so, so, SO much less about my hair and my appearance generally now. I recommend it!
Thanks pixelation! I hope the job hunt goes well
Does anyone have any advice on becoming more motivated?
I have so many goals, but I can never seem to achieve them. It was hard enough before I had my job a few years back thanks to my anxiety, but it's even harder with a job.
I've been stuck in this rut for absolutely ages and it's incredibly frustrating.
Things I used to love are now such a chore.
You have to figure out what it is that's sapping you of your motivation. It may be fears you have, or emotional baggage and pent up hurt, or something else entirely. For some people it's just a matter of mental conditioning, of rebuilding momentum; for others, it's a matter of figuring out what's keeping that momentum from getting built.
Have you considered seeking mental health treatment?
I'm glad you're having a feeling of accomplishment, dh4niel!
Building a PC is a load of fun. If you're anything like me you'll enjoy tweaking everything about it over the next few months, too
I'm so glad to hear things are looking up, Kipp. And congratulations on the new job!
<3
How to get rid of negative dreams? Last night was the first time in over a week I didn't have a nightmare about how I'm a complete and utter fuck up and I'll never finish my degree. I didn't dwell about school at all before bed (in fact I've been (pathetically) working on my novel which has nothing to do with school) but it was no use. And I've had the nightmares before, but at least they weren't every fucking night before.
Thank you! There are certainly pros and cons to the new job, but I think overall it will be a pretty massive improvement in many ways.
8 months
Well she reacted with saying she would help me find a therapist, but asked -why- I was depressed, which started the break up thing.
You're right, I was trugging along life before I met her, was only ever happy when I was with her, now life sucks ass since she left me for someone else. I blame myself, as I did lose touch & made her feel unwanted to the point she lost feelings for me & gained them for another guy. She stopped talking to me in December, a couple weeks after the break up.
She encouraged me to go back to school, to do something with my life, which was a part of my issues to begin with. She did a lot for me. I know I shouldn't put her on a pedistal, but I'd be lying to myself if I said she didn't make my life better.
I was never enough for myself.
She's not you.
Be grateful for the time you had together and what she gave you. Take that growth and continue going with it. It was you, yourself that did the changing. If you can do it then, you can do it now. Focus on yourself because it sounds like you were doing good work/school wise. Talk to therapist and see how it goes. It all takes times but you can do it.
Randomizer
Member
Any other suffers of Depersonalisation Disorder here?
Have had persistent depersonalisation and derealisation for over 5 years. Been having bouts of it since I was 20 but they were temporary. Didn't know exactly was was wrong with me until about 2 years ago. Assumed it was depression and mainly severe anxiety but it never explained the persistent feelings of derealisation. Going to see a psychiatrist next month, kind of nervous as the first one I seen was an absolute dick.
Apparently there is a form of eplisy medication that can help. I'm hoping to be prescribed it. Honestly would just love one moment of true reality and clarity it's been so long I don't know what it feels like. It's fucked up my memories of everything, feels like none of my memories happened to me or happened at all. Had to leave school too after attempting miserably to complete my final year twice. The fact that my school is a 90min commute each way didn't help my severe anxiety. I'm glad I left though as the added stress was too much and now I can focus on getting better.
Have had persistent depersonalisation and derealisation for over 5 years. Been having bouts of it since I was 20 but they were temporary. Didn't know exactly was was wrong with me until about 2 years ago. Assumed it was depression and mainly severe anxiety but it never explained the persistent feelings of derealisation. Going to see a psychiatrist next month, kind of nervous as the first one I seen was an absolute dick.
Apparently there is a form of eplisy medication that can help. I'm hoping to be prescribed it. Honestly would just love one moment of true reality and clarity it's been so long I don't know what it feels like. It's fucked up my memories of everything, feels like none of my memories happened to me or happened at all. Had to leave school too after attempting miserably to complete my final year twice. The fact that my school is a 90min commute each way didn't help my severe anxiety. I'm glad I left though as the added stress was too much and now I can focus on getting better.
I know, but she made me happy and helped me move forward. I'm now in a worse state than before I met her because of how depressed I am that she essentially replaced me.
I'm grateful, but at the same time it seems like I'd be better off if it never happened. I only dated her for a year & a half. In that year & a half she met my whole family, came to my hometown, planned a life together, I met her whole family, etc. She was my first serious girlfriend (I'm in my mid 20s). Hell, I lost my virginity to her & she was my first kiss. I'm guessing that her being my firsts for a lot of things is what escalates these emotions.
In the months from Feb until now I have been pretty good with avoiding her social media (twitter, instagram), but I've come to lose that self control as of late. I heard from her sister a few weeks ago that her boyfriend (guy she left me for) is basically a bum that lifts at the gym all day in hopes of getting 'sponsored'. No job, my ex works crazy hours to support them & their bills (she moved in with him), and she even caught him gambling with her money. Yet when I peaked at her social media, she seems happy as can be, going so far as to calling this guy her "husband" and he calls her his "wife". I get that it's social media & that people put on a smile even if they're really not that happy, but that's all I can go by, other than what her sister told me awhile ago. Her logon info is still saved on my phone from when she'd use my phone to check her twitter. I admit I peaked at her PM's. She still has mine up there. She even told an acquaintance of hers that she is indeed married to this guy. However, she used to tell people that her neice was her daughter, so going by social media isn't the best idea. I've deleted her logon info. I know I shouldn't have peaked.
Anyway, I literally sink rock bottom when I read what she posts about him on twitter. I think I'm going to disable my twitter/instagram pages for awhile. I noticed that she unblocked me on twitter within the last few weeks. No idea why. Also noticed she reactivated her facebook page, but left it untouched since she deactivated it 7 months ago (still has pics of us together all over it). Could she be peaking into my life? Dunno. Doesn't matter I guess. I admit I do hold out hope she talks to me again. Closure is something I never got. It ended so suddenly and so badly.
I must be such a little bitch for letting this affect me so negatively. I can, however, say I've learned a lot of relationship lessons. I just wish I learned them without the cost of losing her.
Just got the news that my best friend and his wife are very likely moving to Europe within a few months. It's a great opportunity for them and I'm trying to be supportive but I'm devastated. They were really the last close friends I have locally, I've known him since I was a kid. It's going to become a much lonelier city without them around. Been crying off and on since the phone call. I'm in a flare so my mood was trash to begin with.
I also had the standing offer that I could move in with them if my illness became unmanageable, which it basically already is. Definitely trying not to think about what I'm going to do in that situation now. I guess on one hand, it's nice to know that I won't end up tying them down to one location. I never wanted to be a burden to anyone even if that's what I usually end up being anyway.
I also had the standing offer that I could move in with them if my illness became unmanageable, which it basically already is. Definitely trying not to think about what I'm going to do in that situation now. I guess on one hand, it's nice to know that I won't end up tying them down to one location. I never wanted to be a burden to anyone even if that's what I usually end up being anyway.
Aside from this, how's everything else in life?
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I don't think science has the answer to that. I constantly get those dreams.
Especially of a once past "friend"
After she left me I was so down that I quit my job. In March I found a new job. It's the same thing, but a new company/location. Much better for me. Didn't like it at first, but it has grown on me. Outside issues (depression) has held me back from doing 100%, which managers have noticed, but encourage me to keep improving.
I just turned 25 on July 4th and my parents and grandparents visited. I haven't seen my grandparents since last June when I took my ex to my hometown. They reminded me once more that they have my entire college fund available for me any time I am ready to go back to school. They're encouraging me to go back and get a degree. This has been another point of contention in my life. On my fathers side of the family, they're all doctors and engineers. All successful. While I have grown up with them telling me I don't HAVE to go to college, they (mainly my grandpa) keep bringing up how important education is. In my mind I feel like I have shoes to fill. I don't even know what I want to do with my life and I am 25. Education is important to my ex as well and she was the reason I started back up. She isn't even 21 yet and she already graduated college (she broke up with me just weeks before her graduation).
I have signed up for classes this Fall at the regular college and will be transferring to the university that she went to starting in January. I still need to get through 15 or so more credit hours of general education. I also need to choose my major. My ex is the one that dealt with my transcripts and signing me up for classes before. So now that I'm looking at my transcripts I see that I have a 3.667 GPA. That is higher than I thought. The last 3 or 4 classes I took when I was with my ex, I did very well. She, to some degree, helped me raise my GPA too.
I grew up with well off parents. I grew up getting most everything I wanted. I am humble. I do not take these things for granted. I do not need large spaces or super nice things to function in life. I do, however, have a predilection for virtue and I want to be successful as an adult. I want to be educated. My ex set me on track when we were together, but I was derailed when she left me. I missed out on Spring and Summer classes because I couldn't even function properly.
Sounds like you have a lot of work to do.
The chemicals in our brain that make us feel love are also related to those that make us feel obsessed about something.
It's not her; it's your brain.
These things would have normalised over time even if you were together.
How would you rate your pain then and now? Ten being the highest.
- Status