GF is pregnant, she's keeping it. (Abortion thread?)

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jadedm17

jadedm17

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I've been seeing this girl a couple month's now, a real sweetheart but in typical southern fashion has put her heart in the wrong place and been hurt. Currently she has a 1 year old she has joint custody with the alcoholic father, something she needs to do since his mother is her main babysitter. She has no money - she borrowed $425 from a coworker for a week to make rent - but should be doing better now that she's working 40+ hours. We started dating shortly after she left her last boyfriend she lived with.

Today I find out in that brief week she hooked up with him, something I didn't know her to do based on her personality; We're both "relationship types". She's pregnant; 9 weeks, Not mine.

I consider myself at least mildly intelligent, and thanks to GAF and YouTube I feel I have a solid understanding for most things in the world even if I'll never experience them intimately. That said, given her situation, the most confusing part is she won't have an abortion? Its mentally exhausting, I get that - I just called my mom for advice who said crying my father made her get one she still regrets - but is it my male reasoning that makes me feel this is the best option?

Abortion should only be used as a last resort, but to better her life and her current child's I think it's the only real option.
Maybe adoption.

It's her choice, her life, and I'll respect whatever she chooses.
 
EDIT:

A very large piece missing from the OP is that they have already broken up. Read:
jadedm17 said:
We broke up, essentially; I'll still be there if she wants company.
Click to expand...


Are you ready to be dating a pregnant woman? Do you see this relationship growing to something that you are going to be a father figure to these kids?

This is a lot for you personally to take on.
 
If you choose, be there for her. I wonder if she will use you as a means of staying afloat. Watch out for this tactic.

As far as you're concerned, congratulations on dodging a bullet. Live, learn and move on to calmer waters.
 
You're looking at this from a purely logical standpoint.
She is looking at it from only an emotional one.

You should try to see it better from her perspective, if only to have a better discussion about it. I don't see it as confusing as to why she wouldn't want to have an abortion. You need to understand why she wouldn't want to have an abortion.
 
jadedm17 said:
I've been seeing this girl a couple month's now, a real sweetheart but in typical southern fashion has put her heart in the wrong place and been hurt. Currently she has a 1 year old she has joint custody with the alcoholic father, something she needs to do since his mother is her main babysitter. She has no money - she borrowed $425 from a coworker for a week to make rent - but should be doing better now that she's working 40+ hours. We started dating shortly after she left her last boyfriend she lived with.

Today I find out in that brief week she hooked up with him, something I didn't know her to do based on her personality; We're both "relationship types". She's pregnant; 9 weeks, Not mine.

I consider myself at least mildly intelligent, and thanks to GAF and YouTube I feel I have a solid understanding for most things in the world even if I'll never experience them intimately. That said, given her situation, the most confusing part is she won't have an abortion? Its mentally exhausting, I get that - I just called my mom for advice who said crying my father made her get one she still regrets - but is it my male reasoning that makes me feel this is the best option?

Abortion should only be used as a last resort, but to better her life and her current child's I think it's the only real option.
Maybe adoption.

It's her choice, her life, and I'll respect whatever she chooses.
Click to expand...

I'm confused. It's not yours, you have an open relationship of some kind. So who cares?
 
This girl sounds like trouble if you ask me. If she makes the choice to keep it, that doesn't mean you're stuck.
 
You can either

A. Get out of it Asap
B. Take care of another man's newborn

Also OP don't suggest to her to get an abortion leave that up to her and if he cares the alcoholic father. It doesn't involve you
 
xxracerxx said:
Are you ready to be dating a pregnant woman? Do you see this relationship growing to something that you are going to be a father figure to these kids?

This is a lot for you personally to take on.
Click to expand...

We broke up, essentially; I'll still be there if she wants company.

META said:
She can't afford to raise the child properly. She has two options:

1. Abort
2. Adoption

She's dooming that baby to misfortune unless she can somehow get her shit together in 9 months.
Click to expand...

Thats my view as a single white male in his late 20's with no kids, but obviously it's easier to make choices from an outside perspective...

ApharmdX said:
I'm confused. It's not yours, you have an open relationship of some kind. So who cares?
Click to expand...

We started dating right after; Its not an open relationship, she's 9 weeks and its why she's been sick.
The guy said he'd support it (or he's saying so now at least) but it's hard to think their relationship will work off nothing at all.
 
I wouldn't even cling on to her bro.

jadedm17 said:
We broke up, essentially; I'll still be there if she wants company.



Thats my view as a single white male in his late 20's with no kids, but obviously it's easier to make choices from an outside perspective...
Click to expand...

If she's a good parent then it'll be worth it.
 
HappehLemons said:
You're looking at this from a purely logical standpoint.
She is looking at it from only an emotional one.

You should try to see it better from her perspective, if only to have a better discussion about it. I don't see it as confusing as to why she wouldn't want to have an abortion. You need to understand why she wouldn't want to have an abortion.
Click to expand...

this, just talk with her, explain your points and respect her decision, she already has a son so you need to see where this will take you.
 
ApharmdX said:
I'm confused. It's not yours, you have an open relationship of some kind. So who cares?
Click to expand...

He says they've been dating a couple months, so presumably, she got pregnant a week or two before they started dating and didn't know.

To the OP, You've only been dating her for 2 months. If she's deadset on keeping the baby, I'd honestly end it and move on, unless that's a situation you are into being a part of.
 
META said:
She can't afford to raise the child properly. She has two options:

1. Abort
2. Adoption

She's dooming that baby to misfortune unless she can somehow get her shit together in 9 months.
Click to expand...

God your options suck!
If that was the case I and my 5 brothers would have been all adopted or aborted?
I grew up poor as hell, and we all have outstanding careers now, sure it was hard for my mom and dad but she did her best and loved us, and now we are all fine.
 
Its time for you to abort that relationship son. She sounds like an emotional mess and that baggage she's bringing along isn't just going to go away.
 
Two Words said:
Wait, did she sleep with the ex while dating you?

Edit- never mind I read it wrong the first time.
Click to expand...

Read the op, she did in the brief window between her ex and meeting the op.

ClosingADoor said:
You dated her for months, yet she is now pregnant with another guys kid. Honestly, I'd make run for it.
Click to expand...

She's 9 weeks pregnant and they've dated for 2 months. Do the fucking math.

You guys are awful.

Morts said:
Did she get pregnant before or after starting to date you? That's a potential deal breaker. It doesn't sound like you're too far into this relationship anyway, I'd probably just get out.
Click to expand...

Again.
What is with this thread....
 
Did she get pregnant before or after starting to date you? That's a potential deal breaker. It doesn't sound like you're too far into this relationship anyway, I'd probably just get out.
 
You've only been seeing her for a few months, and as much as you'd want to 'protect' her from this situation, you need to cut your losses here. The other loser is going to be dropping in and out of her life, and you know it.

Unless you really love her and think you can treat the kids as if they were your own, this is a dark and stormy road.

dragonzdogma said:
God your options suck!
If that was the case I and my 5 brothers would have been all adopted or aborted?
I grew up poor as hell, and we all have outstanding careers now, sure it was hard for my mom and dad but she did her best and loved us, and now we are all fine.
Click to expand...

Don't listen to this OP, he trolls every abortion-related thread advocating against it, even in the case of rape.
 
so she got pregnant before you met. She's 9 weeks pregnant, so you have been dating for at best 8 weeks?

This seems like a very easy answer...
 
dragonzdogma said:
God your options suck!
If that was the case I and my 5 brothers would have been all adopted or aborted?
I grew up poor as hell, and we all have outstanding careers now, sure it was hard for my mom and dad but she did her best and loved us, and now we are all fine.
Click to expand...

Well, you need to realize that you got lucky. Most children born to parents in poverty don't have the same success.
 
Did she cheat on you? Also if she didn't you'll be better off moving on from the relationship, it's only been a couple of months.
 
Heimbeck said:
If you broke up then don't do anything, it doesn't seem to have much to do with you now.
Click to expand...

Yeah I'm confused about why this is an issue.

If you're already broken up, it's time to forget all about this girl and move on to dating other girls with less complicated problems.
 
gdt said:
Get the fuck out and run far far away.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I don't know if this is supposed to be Relationship-GAF or not, but the fact that you can't understand why she wouldn't want an abortion is kind of a big deal. Having a disagreement of this kind this early in the relationship is one huge red flag.
 
I don't want to say bail, but bail.

If she's keeping it her and the father have a lot to work out. You're just getting in the way of that at this point. I know you might feel something, but this situation is beyond you.
 
jadedm17 said:
thanks to GAF and YouTube I feel I have a solid understanding for most things in the world
Click to expand...

huh.

Anyway, you've been in a relationship with her for what, two months then? And she's already got a one-year old with this guy, and is now pregnant with his second child, and she's going to keep it.

This relationship is probably not going to last much longer than it already has, even if you want it to. As it stands it's not even all that much of a relationship.
 
HappehLemons said:
You're looking at this from a purely logical standpoint.
She is looking at it from only an emotional one.

You should try to see it better from her perspective, if only to have a better discussion about it. I don't see it as confusing as to why she wouldn't want to have an abortion. You need to understand why she wouldn't want to have an abortion.
Click to expand...

Thank you, that's some great insight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLMFpt8xgoY

I've certainly tried, but logical has always made more sense to me.
You want another kid? Save what you'd spend this year and do it next with a net.
 
SocksAndShoes said:
Well, you need to realize that you got lucky. Most children born to parents in poverty don't have the same success.
Click to expand...

Shit lets just sterilize all the poor people. We're helping save you from the shit live you might give your poor children! It's for your own good!
 
You seriously have a problem with a woman's choice to keep her kid? What the fuck.


Your path is easy though. Just gtfo out of that relationship and don't look back.
 
gcubed said:
so she got pregnant before you met. She's 9 weeks pregnant, so you have been dating for at best 8 weeks?

This seems like a very easy answer...
Click to expand...

She's been the coolest person I've met in, at the minimum, years.

gdt said:
Get the fuck out and run far far away.
Click to expand...

We work together : In 40 minutes actually.

Thanks GAF for your help.
Online Dating OT I'll see you again soon.
 
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