I have to wait on September 9 to see if they have a tutor for that class.
I'm hoping for the best.
Linking it to progress relative to my own path in life instead of connecting it to someone else's. I'd always see my friends talk about how well they're doing in their majors without ever taking into account the different path that goes along with their major. It may be easier, or it may be harder, so it doesn't make sense to compare it to my own. I don't have the same advantages/disadvantages as other people, so I can't play this game in the same way. Can't get discouraged because things aren't going exactly the same.
What I'd really like to solve is being more social without seeming desperate for company. People can smell desperation a mile away. I'm able to be happy on my own, but I'd still like to be able to social, and I think I can be social.
It sounds as though you've made some real progress, zeemumu, learning the sorts of things we can only learn for ourselves.
As far as being social, I've found it to be a snowball effect. As you've said, being desperate gives people a weird vibe. When I was stuck in a rut of loneliness it really felt like I had "forgotten" how to be social. I was less comfortable around people and didn't know what to say or how to socialize. For me, it helped to start small. First, I got myself around people a lot more often (a natural byproduct of going back to school). Then I tried to start taking advantage of the obvious opportunities to exchange a bit of conversation with those around me in my classes (instead of trying to avoid conversation, which is what I HAD been doing) and then once I finally made one friend he introduced me to another friend, and I guess the social confidence that gave me projects outwards because I've found it much easier to be social as time has gone on. The whole process took maybe a year.
There were definitely some real misses in that time, too - people who said they'd hang out with me and then ignored me, awkward conversations, et cetera. It comes with the territory.
Hope that's somewhat helpful.
You're right, of course. I re-assessed my relationship with her, and while I do value her, I think it's correct that relying upon her as any sort of emotional crutch is counterproductive. Friendship, sure. But I'm going to continue to cultivate friendships here, with people I can actually grab a drink or coffee with, instead. My ex is an important part of my life, and some part of me thinks that we might reconcile when we're both 50, and it's hard to extinguish that thought. And yet it's not something I strive for; I don't pine for her in any respect, and I've severed everything logistically between us save a joint puppy expense account, our "family" cell phone plan, and our shared Netflix/Hulu passwords. Still, critically thinking about it was worth it.
In any case, the job thing's just going to frustrate me and there's nothing I can do about it other than try to mitigate things as best I can. I can't eradicate that feeling; I can, however, constrain it. I tried volunteering for a deployment to Afghanistan yesterday (it's $$$$), but there's none available -- that would've taken my mind off of things! Eight months is a long time, but I need to take solace in the fact that I'm doing nearly everything I can. Take pride in the process, even if you're frustrated with the results, right?
Right, that sounds like a good perspective. I don't know what it's like to have an ex wife, AD, so I can't say "DO THIS" or "DO THAT" but I would imagine there's a good, balanced middle-ground to be found in that sort of situation and it sounds like you're doing your best to find it.
Shit is a terrible feeling
.
I've tried moving on, this past weekend met a girl we hooked up and when I woke up, everything came back like a storm. I don't wanna be with anyone else, but at the same time I know my ex is doing all the things we loved and going to all the places we loved and sending someone else the messages she shows she cares to someone else. I just wish I was more heartless and could move on easier.
Was this the first girl you hooked up with since the breakup? If so, it makes sense that you had a resurgence of feelings - it's the first time you've gone to that vulnerable place since your breakup. After I broke up with my ex the first time I hooked up with a girl - about 2 months later - I felt awful, like I had betrayed her and driven the final nail into the coffin or something. It was weird, but it got better with time.
Another thing I want to talk about is the way my head works and how I express myself in words or in text form. Often my friends need to explain my words/story to others because I either skip some relevant parts or just sound confusing. I don't realise I do this myself but I know it happens because many either misunderstand what I say or do not understand at all. As a result I take a long time to write emails or conference papers because I constantly re-edit the text to make sense. Any tips on that? This is not really depression related but it affects how people perceive me and I do not want to give the wrong impression.
Well, I can't tell you specifically what to do since I can't peek into your head, but it sounds as though you just need to work on organizing your thoughts and pacing your expression of them. The biggest tip that applies to 94% of people is SLOW DOWN! We have a tendency when speaking (or even typing) to go so fast that we can't think of what comes next, and then we end up saying "like" or "um" a lot or losing our train of thought. Slowing down and going at a more even, walking tempo can help give you time to sort things out and figure out what comes next.
Which, of course, it's something I want to change and, to begin with it, I want to become confident on myself. I want to be "brave" enough to tell people about my discomfort and my needs and to find this value and motivation in myself and I want to find my value on myself and what I'm worth, not by the worth other people give me.
I'm kind of lost of where to begin, though...
Unfortunately it's the sort of thing that none of us can describe in specifics. Generally, what you need to do is a lot of self-exploration and reflection on yourself, your relationships, your sense of self-worth, how to build purpose and meaning, et cetera. What that means, specifically, though, is different for each and every single person. My answers to those questions simply aren't the same as yours or anyone else's.
There is one upshot, though, which is that as long as you're not ignoring your feelings pretty much everything you do in response to them and every thought you have about them is some sort of progress. When I was very lonely, sometimes I would write. Sometimes I would draw. Sometimes I'd run around my neighborhood and cry. Sometimes I'd go somewhere private and talk to myself about what was going through my head. Sometimes I'd listen to music. All of these things were helpful in different ways; all of them gave me some sense of release from and understanding of my emotions. Different things were more or less helpful at different times, and it just took trying them all out to see what was most helpful.
So I encourage you to just stay open to your experience, to your emotions, however unpleasant they may be. For as long as you're letting them flow through you they will naturally motivate you to certain actions and outlets - maybe some of the ones I listed above - and if you keep yourself open to it all you'll learn a lot.
Instrumental songs really get to me when I'm manic. I was listening to Elegia by New Order a lot over the weekend in anticipation of MGSV and it really hit me hard. It brought everything up, and to top it all off that same day I had learned that my ex who I thought I was over had finally moved onto someone new, and it just hurt so very much to see everyone else's world move forward instead of my own. As of the moment I'm posting and typing this, I'm all right in the mind, no mania or anything, but when I posted over the weekend I was in a really bad place.
I've noticed I'll usually only post in this thread when things are absolutely the worst and I have nowhere else to go.
Well, that's what the thread is here for, is it not? Hopefully it's able to offer you some sense of relief when you need it.
I'm feeling extremely lonely right now, and it's not only making me anxious, but it's also making me lose my concentration. In addition to being jobless and having my family pressuring me to do family activities that I don't want to participate in, I just want to crawl into a ball and die.
Would doing family activities, however undesirable they may seem, help with your loneliness at all?
but then im here struggling with even making simple decisions, living on the past, afraid of the future, failure,anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc, getting much better these last 4 months but recently lost all motivation to continue therapy, i dont trust my psychiatrist, but im afraid to go to a new one :/
Why don't you trust your psychiatrist? Why are you afraid to go to a new one?
Today is my birthday shouldn't I feel somewhat happy? I don't feel sad or down but just kind of indifferent. Have a doctors appointment to look forward to tomorrow. Hopefully brings more good news of more weight dropped that would be a good pick me up.
Still no progress on the job thing but I got my drivers permit so there is that. Overall I have been feeling better and better as time goes on.
For what it's worth, redlegs, birthdays get me down. I hope you have as good a birthday as reasonably possible, though.
I'm glad you're feeling better! Any idea what's behind the upswing?
Feeling pretty lonely today, and my friend has gone quiet which is making me anxious. Think I might get to sleep or watch some twitch/YouTube to distract me.
I hope your friend surfaces again, Nevasleep. And I hope you were able to, well, sleep.
So I went to a physical therapist today for a consultation about an injury, and whilst I was there I had a wave of depression come over me. I'm just trying to figure out where it came from. I can think of three factors:
1. I was already feeling down when I arrived; my day at work has been poor. I have not been very energetic or productive over the past week, have asked lots of questions about new processes and made mistakes. I really had the strong feeling come over me today that I am about to be let go from my job (it's temp-to-perm, and my 3 months comes up soon). I really need a productive day tomorrow to get over this feeling and convince myself that I am a decent worker,
2. When I lifted my shirt up for the therapist to examine me I saw how out of shape and fat I was in the mirror.
3. The therapist looks like the kind of person who I wouldn't have gotten on with at school, so at an ambient level I kind of re-lived those feelings of rejection and alienation.
I think 1 was the main driver. In a way I can't wait until tomorrow comes so I can get through my backlog.
It's great to hear that you're thinking through your feelings, ceramic, and trying to make sense of where they came from. The longer you shine a light in that direction the more you will learn, and all of it is progress. I hope you're able to get some good work done tomorrow so that you feel a greater sense of momentum at your job!
In the mean time, it's interesting that two of your three reasons are a sort of projection onto the future or onto others. Ideas about how others feel or what will happen. It's a real trap, thinking that way.
<3
