Not at the moment however I exercise on a regular basis, talk with my gf if not feeling well, just be able to explain to her and talk with her and having her be understanding really makes me feel better however i think i found the source of my anxiety/panic/depression episodes. I am only turning 27 however as I age I get a little worried. My mom suffered from bipolar when she was 30-31, I think when I think about it I get worried and think "what if i suffer from bipolar at that age" and I get panicky and terrified about me maybe one day dealing with that, even though it is not a fact. I am more scaring myself into a panic hole and afraid of nothing really. Just have to focus and look ahead and explain to myself that just because my mother dealt with it doesnt mean I will, relax and just self talk to myself and build up my confidence, and hey if something does happen there is support waiting to be used.
First of all, it's great that you're able to keep up an exercise habit, JK-Money, and be open with your girlfriend. That being said, it still might be worth pursuing formal treatment at some point, especially if things continue to be tough. Fear for one's own health can be a heavy, heavy anxiety and one wonders whether its something you could unravel with a therapist.
In the mean time, you're right that you're not there yet, so I hope you're able to find a way to keep your head on straight.
Thanks piano for constantly checking in on everyone's posts, I'm bad about doing it myself and tend to just post my own shit. I'm doing outpatient therapy right now for almost 9 hours a day, so I've been really busy and been in a good mood too. Anyone else on Abilify? Kinda strange to be on something like that, but at the same time it gives me a massive energy boost akin to vyvanse.. which is what I wasn't expecting on a drug of that type.
There's no obligation to reply to others' posts or anything, so don't worry about it! I'm glad to hear that you're getting extensive outpatient treatment. Has it been useful to you thus far?
Also, I was on Abilify a while ago and it also gave me a pretty massive energy boost. Hopefully it'll level off so you're able to sleep! Keep us posted if you're able and willing
Is this real life? Is this Life of Pi? kinda moment. Talking to my mom is like mine sweeper
Little background on me is I used to be (still am sometimes) a very introverted person who just held it in, let it go this too shall pass, and didn't voice their concerns or opinions because they didn't want to cause worry, get into arguments, or stir the pot so to speak. Well some years later of bullying, ostracization, and sexual harrassment 12 year old me was contemplating suicide with a locked bathroom and a can of Lysol and was ready to mail a suicide letter to my family. Didn't go through with it and just spent the rest of day crying my eyes out. Fast forward a couple weeks to new school term, ended up meeting my future BFF going 15 yrs strong.
Yeah life...kinda funny how it plays out.
TL;DR: Got my scripts for abilify 
Those do sound like some really intense mood fluctuations, BSoL. Hopefully Abilify will help with that, but watch out to make sure it's not pushing you into another intense period - it can be a really "activating" medication that can bring with it a big boost in energy, which is good or bad depending on your needs. Know that if it doesn't work there are many, many options out there for mood stabilization and certainly something will work for you.
Welp I'm on a classic drunken night listening to punk music that ruled my high school experience.
I need a drastic change already. Screw my anxiety.
What sort of drastic change? Got anything in mind?
Oh, damn, called local linguistical school for German classes and they will do them each week at 5 pm and not in the evening, because they have all classrooms booked with other programs. That means that I would had to skip every second class due to work (i work till 7 pm when I work afternoon shift).
So, now to look for private tutor, which will be quite more expensive option :\
Seriously, fuck this worthless job.
Ack, that's a drag, DrM, sorry to hear it. Is there no option for switching shifts at your job?
Also, private tutor could have its upsides!
Asked university to repeat 2 modules and therefore redo part of the final year after resits didn't go well because of depression. Exam board decided to give me a 'compensated pass' therefore I cannot return next year, which was what I was hoping to do. Now I have hardly any friends, no girlfriend, virgin at 23 and likely will be for a lot longer now that my social opportunities have dried up, and I live with even more self hatred than before. Fuck social anxiety and fuck my life. I'm beating myself up (literally).
I'm sorry to hear you ddin't get the result you were hoping for, Royal_Phalanx, but I'm a little confused. Were friends / a girlfriend / sex things you were all planning to get while in school? If so, I can assure you that there are plenty,
plenty of opportunities for all three outside of your undergraduate years, though it takes 15% more effort to find them. Do you have any plan for what you're doing next?
My uncle hanged himself this morning and it's affecting me a lot, not just because of his death but I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation for a long time now. Seeing my mom's reaction to it is terrible.
Especially on World Suicide Prevention Day.
I'm so sorry for your loss, OEK. I must imagine it is difficult in a way I cannot truly understand. I hope you are able to find solace and understanding with your emotions soon. My condolences.
The worst part is feeling so different. Seeing other people live their lives normally, being happy, cracking jokes at work. I find it hard to keep up my fake mask. And I'm so tired of having to do it, too. I tend to long for death every now and then. I just want it all to end. It feels so lonely. Even when I know a lot of people suffer from depression or OCD, I feel like my thoughts are way more specific than theirs and I always feel like I'll never get rid of my thoughts. It's as if my mind wants confirmation. It wants answers. It's as if my OCD would disappear if I could just get a few answers. But I know that's not true. I'll be obsessed until I die.
Dawg, I've never had OCD so I cannot offer you any truly first-hand experience or advice, unfortunately, but I have two questions:
1. Is your Zoloft meant to treat your OCD? I've always understood it as more of an anxiety or depression medication, though a similar medication like Luvox is supposed to help with OCD (as mentioned above).
2. Is there any possibility of seeing your counselor more than once per month? My understanding is that intensive therapy can help greatly with managing OCD symptoms, and I would imagine that such an arrangement would have you meeting once per week or more.
I have absolutely destroyed the people that I love, and ruined their confidence in me. I feel like I am extremely untrustworthy. I have sat on my couch the last three nights crying for hours because of how bad I have screwed over these two guys, and how I would still be happy if I wasn't such a fuck up.
You're not a fuck up. You're a human being. You've hurt other people, and that is okay. That is how we learn, and its those experiences that we carry forward while we grow and change. If you're able to see how you've hurt others then you're already on a good path to learning from the experience. Unfortunately, there is no real "easy" way into learning; you'll have to sit with your difficult emotions, feel them, think about them, sort through them, and make sense of them. Going through some real shit is what makes us well rounded people.
That being said, if you feel you're having trouble sorting through things on your own, or that you're suffering an unreasonable amount then counseling or therapy are always options. There are undoubtedly options covered through your school at a counseling center or similar set up.
Time heals wounds and gives perspective. Once you're a bit healed and have a bit more perspective it may be possible to rebuild bridges with people, make amends, and generally tie up loose ends. It's hard to do when you're still in the thick of it, though. In the wise words of Ben Folds: time takes time, you know.
Damn, can't sleep. Sometimes happens when I have caffeine. Up till 4am!
Yeah, I had to cut caffeine post 12PM for that reason. It's lame, I know!
Did I just...
Did I just get back into University?
Oh my god. This is insane...
I think im going to drop out of college after this semester.
Its not worth the risk, and the only futures i can envision for myself after graduation are death, or teaching english in some 3rd world to hide from debt collectors.
I'm sorry if I've missed something, but what is the risk? I saw your thread on student debt recently, but my impression was that there still are other options for you so as to not accrue a massive amount of debt that you're unable to pay off.
Also, South Korea or France are hardly the third world, and I know people teaching English in both, having a wonderful time! I sort of wish I had done the same myself. It would've been hell, I'm sure, but at least I'd learn a lot and grow from it.
What are you studying? I seem to remember it being Law?
I tried to hurt myself a few weeks ago. I thought I was getting better since then, but last night I broke down.
Tried to call one of those phone lines, but when the guy on the other end of the phone picked up, I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I hung up.
I know I shouldn't be talking about my problems on the internet, because it invites "just kill urself" responses, but everyone around me is tired of seeing me like this. They haven't said that, exactly, but I'm self aware enough to know when I'm being a burden.
As others have said, you certainly won't hear things like that in this thread, or usually on NeoGAF at all.
Have you been able to make any sense of why you have so much trouble opening up to others about your problems, mat?
I hope the past few days have been better.
just kind of need to vent right now. i get extremely bad anxiety after a night of drinking. i went out last night with friends and tore it up. i also broke up with my girlfriend yesterday morning. i was fine yesterday, but now i'm sitting at work freaking out about it because of the extreme anxiety i have. it's taking everything i have in me not to contact her. i have to get up early tomorrow morning and take a train to nyc, so i'm going to end up sitting around my apartment alone tonight. it's going to be brutal. this sucks.
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, Mike Haggar. Perhaps it's worth taking a break from drinking for a while - it definitely kicks up anxiety in a big way. As far as your break up, instead of contacting her you could sit down and write out everything you want to say to her, perhaps in the format of a letter. This way you (a) get it out (b) think it over and reread it and (c) have it all put together in case you end up actually wanting to tell her everything you're thinking.
It can help in these sorts of situations to rehearse your thoughts and feelings a bit.
Also you're the coolest mayor ever.
So the depression has kinda come back hard. But instead of getting down, I just kind of feel robotic. Like I've put all my emotions in a bag and only pull them out when I want them for something.
Having a more clinical look at the situation has lead me to make the decision to quit my job next week and do something else with my life. But that is a dramatic step. And I know that, even if I quit, feeling miserable, procrastinating, the desire to escape and withdraw - they're all gonna still be there, blocking me in like a baby surrounded by big black dogs.
I've already tried my GP once. I don't think I'm a serious risk of stringing myself up, but I just feel so down, angry at myself, negative and cold. Putting on a jokey front and trying to have fun just doesn't work.
So basically I've hit a really hollow stage of my life and I don't know what to do. Maybe quitting is the best choice? Maybe it's just my brain wanting to lash out at something and take my career down with it?
I just want to be motivated and hard-working. I want to like being me. But all that seems so impossible. Like I am damned to this situation and I'll never escape it.
Sorry for the ramble. Stay safe everyone!
It sounds like you're having some larger questions of meaning, value and purpose, HD, and I wonder whether it'd be beneficial to discuss those things with a therapist, rather than your GP? Have you looked into therapists or mental health treatment at all? Therapy isn't just something for the emotionally deficient, or insane, or three legged or whatever, it's for any and all of us who need some help sorting through our thoughts and feelings, whether it be temporarily or otherwise. I think it's sort of a given that human beings will go through periods of questioning everything and it's very valuable to explore the roots of those feelings so that they don't swamp you quite as much when they inevitably return.
I don't know GAF. I feel like so much more is expected of me but I can't do it. I was always so successful and smart up until 2010. I didn't know failure. People still think this of me and think its just a phase. I was arrogant. Now that I know failure I don't know how to recover. Is it ok to feel ok with how things are now? Do I cave to the pressures everyone sets on me? Or do I stick with how I have things managed now, its safe and I can continue to survive this way.....
I've read this 20 times over. Thought about deleting it all but I always do that with my thoughts. I bottle it up and then it overcomes me. Not this time...
Think I can finally get to sleep, hopefully enough to recover enough for tonight's shift. My mind seems to have slowed down for now....
Exhumed, I'm sorry to hear that you're in such debilitating pain and a tight financial situation. It's difficult to offer specific advice about career and the such without knowing what you studied / your skill set / your career ambitions; it's up to you whether you feel comfortable sharing those. Is it such that you can apply for any sort of disability benefit, or assistance of some other kind? Does your pizza job keep you active because you're walking to and from deliveries? Certainly in this wide world there must be at least a few other jobs or career fields that cater to your needs.
Personally, I hear your feelings of hopelessness and failure as somewhat separated from your physical pain and career troubles. They are linked, yes, but feelings of failure and hopelessness are ultimately reactions to and ways of processing what is transpiring in your life. Surely there is a way to find contentment, no matter the circumstance, especially since it seems that you do have things in your life that are important to you (such as your fiancee). It may take a lot of work to figure out how to find that contentment, though. Are you on health insurance that may cover the cost of seeking therapy or counseling? It may bring some relief just to unpack everything, put two heads together and take a thorough look at what you can do, both internally and externally.
Because that's what it comes down to. There's an internal component and an external component. The external is obvious. Ideally we'd be able to change both but sometimes we can't. Luckily, we can always work on the internal component, and surely there are some aspects of the external that can change as well.
Thank you for sharing - I hope you were able to sleep well after writing out your thoughts.
Finally having a good day today. It feels so good. The only thing that changed is I had some coffee for the first time in a while, and instead of giving anxiety like it has been doing lately, it gave me energy (and thus enthusiasm and excitement and happiness).
Also had my first staff meeting as a general manager today. It went so well. My staff unanimously voted me employee of the month (which was slightly embarrassing since it's supposed to be for them, but it was really heartwarming nonetheless) and also all thanked me for being a great manager. It felt really nice to be genuinely appreciated by them, since I do try really hard to do good by them.
So yeah, finally a good day. Hopefully they continue.
I'm so glad to hear it, Kipp!
Are you feeling any effects from the Buspar at all (side or otherwise)?
<3
