I believe it to be that way because ever since I got into my 20s, i was glued to a computer, work or otherwise, and getting up for the day felt like a chore. Very rarely have I felt 'good' getting up and having the energy/motivation to do things like clean up the house or look for work, anything productive. So I bided time watching YouTube videos, playing my Xbox. Just so that I could focus on something that didn't make me feel depressed, bored, and/or irritated. It became a default state for me and it's become stagnant and was one of the many catalysts for my mental break down last week.
But just because it's become a default state for you doesn't mean it's
the default state or that defaults can't change. My default state when I was 21 was unworkably anxious and sardonic. You can and will change. Change is the one thing that is certain and neverending in our lives. The question is what you can do to influence that change.
I wonder, though - by watching YouTube, or playing Xbox, were you distracting yourself and avoiding your feelings on some level? Avoiding our feelings generally doesn't work well for long, and usually breaks into something else.
Well any emotional progress I've made at all this year seems to have shattered and completely fallen apart. All it takes is one person to come back into my life and I'm in pieces again. Now I'm completely in doubt about moving out of my parents even though I've already committed to another room. so hooray for me I guess
I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble, StaticJam. Is there anything we can do to help?
Thanks for the response Piano I really appreciate it. I keep checking with his family on his status. At the moment he's staying at the University's behavioral center but his family is trying to find him something more long term. Currently he's cooperative and improving; however, as good as that sounds it's happened before where he's improved but once he got out he didn't stick to the meds and reverted to the delusions. Hopefully he's better able to maintain treatment next time. I will definitely keep you updated. I hope your friend gets better too. Much love.
Thanks bud. I hope you're able to work together with his family to find good options for him.
It is getting better, but muscles are really badly strained so this will take quite some time to recover. Funny thing is, that I can walk normally, sitting is the main issue right now. And I discovered which pill combo makes me down and which high
German lessons are going fine, main problem is that I can understand majority of German, speaking and writing is the problem
Speaking and writing have always been the most difficult aspects of language for me, in different ways. Spelling slays me when I try to write and word recall gives me trouble when I try to speak. I can identify a million zillion words when I'm listening, it seems like, but I can't ever remember the one I want when I'm trying to speak.
If you're able to understand the language, though, and keep listening to it, your speaking will stay above a certain threshold.
I dont know, I havnt looked into therapy/counselling ... I think I should but I dunno why I havnt, I guess it's just the whole stigma of attending therapy and having people know. It's going to feel awkward and embarrasing talking about my feelings and problems with people irl ...It seems easier to do online because of the anonymity involved.
And according to my dad ''there's nothing wrong with me''. So obviously he doesnt seem to care or know anything is wrong with me. He hasnt even asked if there's something wrong with me.
Quit my job because I was always planning on going to go to uni this year/or next year so I was gonna quit my job early so I can prepare myself/go to gym to get better looking for college lol .... But now I just want to quit because I dont want to work anymore, it's just too much for me right now in my current state of mind. I'm drained mentally, physically and emotionally to go to work, or start looking at my study prospects. I legit just want to sleepa nd never wake up. I'm mentally fukked lol
I wish I could give you a specific strategy for overcoming the stigma and vulnerability in seeking help but I can't - why it's stigmatized varies in every person's mind. A lot of people view it as okay for everyone else but not for them, because to need help means they're weak or have failed. I can tell you neither is true (they really aren't) but I'm sure you know that already. Ultimately one aspect of learning ourselves and our feelings is facing them, no matter what they are, which includes the vulnerability and potential embarrassment of bearing our problems to another person. I encourage you to work through that stigma however you best can and seek treatment. You seem to know on some level that it could help you, which is a good place to start.
I agree, but I've used up all the resources in town and this is what I've got. It sucks is has to be this way.
I wish I had a magic solution, tearsofash, but I really, truly don't. Have you found anything that helps the time pass more bearably so we can make sure you make it to your follow up appointment?
Just found out today that my work performance has plummeted from my boss due to my manic depression. This day needs to end.
Sorry to hear you're having work troubles, ShadowKingpin. Hope things smooth over soon.
I'm seeing a councillor/therapist on top of taking my thyroid medication and it's just turning into the same old thing. I know all the crummy things that happened in my past. I have my SO I regularly talk to about my feelings. But all the councillor does is just listen really. This is the third one I've been to in my life, and it just feels pointless. I don't need someone to listen to me until I have some sort of internal break-through, I want more people to talk back to me as well. If that makes any sense.
I had my break-through earlier this year though. My mother finally told me the circumstances of my father's death, which lead me to getting medical checkups. Turns out I have quite a few medical problems, one of which is hypothyroidism. The medication I'm on for that is helping with my depression/anxiety symptoms. I have previously diagnosed depression which has been replaced with an anxiety diagnosis. It's been changing the last few months of my life, but going to a therapist to cry about the same old things for the sake of seeing one because some people think I should is grating at me.
It also sucks that I basically have to explain myself almost to a state of breaking down whenever I talk to someone new who is supposed to "help" because I must appear to seem normal or something.
I'm rambling I'm just happy to see there's an OT on this topic and I dunno ignore me
There are a few aspects of counseling worth mentioning, dity.
First of all, it takes a counselor a while to get to know you. There isn't a soul out there that can get to know someone so well in just an appointment or two that they can start spitting out mind-blowing observations with regularity. It's a slow going process, but once your therapist or counselor gets to know you better he or she will be more able to offer perspective and thoughts on what you continue to share.
Even then, though, a therapist will be mostly listening. This used to frustrate me, but the more I thought about it, the more my feelings changed. It wouldn't make sense any other way. I actually went to a therapist once who did as much talking as I did, and let me tell you, there's a reason I only went once. It felt like he wasn't giving me enough time to talk about ME and was instead making assumptions and giving me thoughts based on those. Again, the therapist has to get to know you, and that means you talking about yourself, with them gently guiding you along.
In any case, if you're not happy with what your therapist or counselor is doing the best thing to do is to bring it up with them directly in a direct and polite way. I've found this to be a real differentiator in therapists - whether they're willing to listen to how I feel or whether they get defensive and just think they're right. If it's the latter, they're not for me. That being said, don't be accusatory. Just discuss how you feel about your treatment, and again, that should help your therapist or counselor get to know you and what you need even better.
I'm glad you're getting treatment for your hypothyroidism. That's no joke!
We both knew where the evening would end. The moment she went on my bed she just sealed the deal. The worst part for me is her new boyfriend. She told me 100 times that I should not tell anyone under any circumstances about the sex. For fucks sake, they are together for 3 weeks and this happens. I feel absolutely sorry for him.
I deleted her number again and give the whole no contact thing another go. It's just pretty hard because we had our first date and got together in October 2 years ago. The 9th and the 27th mean the world to me. She said so too just yesterday.
I hope you're able to learn from the experience, DKQ, and I hope you can soon move on to someone who's better for you. From what I've read she / the relationship sounds no good at this point.
I think I posted in here last time this happened. I can't sleep. I don't know if it's the fault of my new Geodon med, the doxepin, or the half-cup of coffee I had in the day. But it's almost 4 am and I'm thinking of playing some video games before I crash. Bleh!
Sometimes the mind does what it wants. I tend to just sit in a chair and let my mind go wild when it's not letting my sleep.
I've been feeling miserable for the last few days.
I tried a gym class yesterday for the first time in quite a while. Had a difficult time motivating myself to go but went in the end. All the other class members were friendly and were happy to help me set up, seeing as I was new to the class.
I saw someone on the gym floor today who was in my class yesterday. I worked up the courage to say Hi as I walked by. I really feel like my whole approach was off though; I kind of did some half-hearted cardio work until I kind of 'saw an opening'. Next time I will have to be more direct and just go for it. I've come to realize that hesitancy can come across as creepy to others.
I really feel like I need a good cry to release these emotions, but I haven't cried in over 10 years. I can't seem to be able to bring myself to the point of tears no matter what. Part of the problem is that I live in a crowded house where there is very little privacy. I would feel shame and embarrassment if I was caught crying in the presence of them. The other part of the problem is that I've effectively repressed these kinds of emotions since early childhood.
I've learned overthinking things is generally no good, ceramic, though it's a hard habit to break. What's gotten you down recently? Was going to the gym a rewarding experience at all?
I went to my therapist today and now she's suggesting I do volunteer work...
I get the thinking behind that suggestion, but I really feel like she's missing the point of how I feel.
Have you brought this up with her directly? It could make for a very helpful discussion about why she gives the suggestions she does and what you're looking for in treatment.
I've posted in here a few times but I've never quite felt as hopeless as I do right now. I lost my 5 year relationship on the 20th and it's really the only thing I've ever put all of myself into. It's all I've ever wanted and I truly thought we were going to last. I really don't know what to do with myself, everything seems pointless. I have nothing without her.
There's no one answer to heartbreak, but what's key is to set small, achievable checkpoints for yourself. Focus on just getting through a day. Then maybe a couple of days.
Are you still in touch with your ex? As awful as it is, cutting contact really does help us get some mental space and rebuild things faster.
<3
