Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Gone
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
LittleBoots
Member
Anyone here have severe anxiety disorders, like OCD? What do you do to cope with them? Sure, there's talk therapy and medication, but I'm talking about coping mechanisms that you can use at any given time. I have dermatillomania, which is chronic skin picking. It's a form of OCD. When I'm stressed and incredibly anxious, my skin picking gets worse. I only pick at my head, so thankfully no one really sees the damage I do to myself. But a few years ago my job was so stressful that I created a bald spot the size of a golf ball on my head. I'd pick at it a few times a day and make myself bleed.
After I quit that job, my picking dramatically decreased. At one point it was virtually nonexistent. But now that I started my second semester in my master's program, my picking has escalated again. I have 4 or 5 different holes I've created on my scalp, some of which are already balding.
My question is, what do you deal to combat your OCD or anxiety? I take a daily med, see a psychiatrist, and I also see a therapist on occasion. But what can I do if I feel the need to pick and I'm at home by myself, or in the car? That's usually when I find myself picking. I've tried sitting on my hands, twiddling my thumbs, and a whole bunch of other things, but nothing really seems to work.
After I quit that job, my picking dramatically decreased. At one point it was virtually nonexistent. But now that I started my second semester in my master's program, my picking has escalated again. I have 4 or 5 different holes I've created on my scalp, some of which are already balding.
My question is, what do you deal to combat your OCD or anxiety? I take a daily med, see a psychiatrist, and I also see a therapist on occasion. But what can I do if I feel the need to pick and I'm at home by myself, or in the car? That's usually when I find myself picking. I've tried sitting on my hands, twiddling my thumbs, and a whole bunch of other things, but nothing really seems to work.
Well, it seems things are improving for me! I've realized that I haven't felt depressed in like a week or so. I mean, that's not to say I've been happy, because I haven't for the most part, but I certainly haven't been depressed either, and that's a huge step forward. Not sure if it's the meds kicking in after 10 weeks or so or if it's something else, but either way, it's some good news and it bodes well.
Heya! The more the old MH-GAF crew wanders back in here, the more likely it is that a wild Bagels will appear! If that doesn't get people hyped, what will?
I think the advice you got was really solid. It took me forever to find a doc and a therapist (I'll update on my life in a bit), but it has been super helpful. I don't know if there is anyone who would not benefit from seeing a therapist every once in a while. I always go in thinking, "what the heck will I find to talk about this time?" and I come out thinking, "Huh. I need to think some more about what we just talked about..."
I started writing a big thing here, but I'll spare you.
The short version is that thinking, "I'll just desensitize myself" strikes me as a bad idea. It happens anyway over time, but forcing it...if you could do that 100% (I know we can all do it to some degree, and have to to survive, but I don't think 100% is possible), would you want to?
I stepped away from this thread and my other mental health writing stuff in part because it all became too much. If I could get in a good mood, I'd be messaged by enough people who were not that I could not keep it up. But the bigger issue was that I felt like I was getting so desensitized to terrible things. I had to, because I heard so much bad stuff, but I felt really uneasy with how it was eroding my ability to feel things. I've become a very emotional person (moreso after having two kids. The list of things that brings me to tears is ridiculous in both content and length), which is a double-edged sword. Depression stops me from feeling things at all. If the alternative is to feel everything a bit too much, I'll take that any day. When I started to lose that, and it became the slightest bit routine to hear about some shockingly awful thing that happened to someone I cared about, I drew way way back.
We both externalize our own problems, and deal with them by trying to help others. There's a healthy and an unhealthy aspect to that, as you said. But the way we are is incompatible with blunted feelings. I think we'd like things to be intense but manageable, over having everything be less intense, any day of the week.
I need to think about that some more.
I have heard where the "third" one is to freeze up. Is that a deer reference with the fawn, or actually fawning?
I relate to this. If you've never had time to get used to certain things, they can be a shock when you suddenly start getting inundated with them.
User 479360
Banned
Donated blood today, which always makes me feel good, because at least something good is coming out of my life. It's always difficult, though, because they have a hard time finding my veins because they're so well hidden.
I drank a ton, but still almost got sent home today without being able to donate, which made me wonder if it's even worth it. But it is.
I get nervous the night before, because they say you can't donate if you feel sick. I start wondering, "What if I am sick?" and then start feeling sick because I'm thinking about it. I thought I was getting sick last night, but it was just that, and I felt better when I stopped thinking about it and felt okay today when I woke up, outside of an allergy (post nasal).
Now I'm worried I passed something on in my blood, but I'm not sick.
I drank a ton, but still almost got sent home today without being able to donate, which made me wonder if it's even worth it. But it is.
I get nervous the night before, because they say you can't donate if you feel sick. I start wondering, "What if I am sick?" and then start feeling sick because I'm thinking about it. I thought I was getting sick last night, but it was just that, and I felt better when I stopped thinking about it and felt okay today when I woke up, outside of an allergy (post nasal).
Now I'm worried I passed something on in my blood, but I'm not sick.
Fall Into The GAF
Member
Trying to find a job, ANY job, is stressing me out to the point where I feel like I don't 'belong'. Putting in applications is a huge trigger for me because it validates that feeling. Yeah yeah I get it, it's a fucking numbers game but how many goddamn times do I have to send in bullshit resumes and hear nothing back? I am afraid of asking advice because I feel I'll be looked at some kind of freak show. Gasp! Guffaw! He hasn't had a legitimate job in 10 years? There is definitely something wrong with him!
It's also supremely disheartening to not be able to muster the motivation to draw anything because I feel like I have lost the interest or passion or whatever the fuck it is that I had going for it. Goddamn, if I had just kept with it during my teens/early 20's, I wouldn't be in this predicament, I think. However, I cannot adjust the past for future's sake. The fact is, there are days I don't know what I want out of life and some days I have a vague picture of what I want. I punish myself mentally for not figuring this shit out at 28 years old, and I question what little happiness I have. There are so many what if's in my head that it becomes crowded and I exhaust myself.
I don't want to be the person spinning their wheels not going anywhere. I fear that, even if I make the effort, I would still be back to square one but this time with the absolute burnout of trying to get better. The pessimist in me lives off of this shit and I am sick of it. I hate that this post is the opposite of what I posted last time, but I am not in a cheery disposition and I (still) fear I will never get a true sense of content if that makes sense.
It's also supremely disheartening to not be able to muster the motivation to draw anything because I feel like I have lost the interest or passion or whatever the fuck it is that I had going for it. Goddamn, if I had just kept with it during my teens/early 20's, I wouldn't be in this predicament, I think. However, I cannot adjust the past for future's sake. The fact is, there are days I don't know what I want out of life and some days I have a vague picture of what I want. I punish myself mentally for not figuring this shit out at 28 years old, and I question what little happiness I have. There are so many what if's in my head that it becomes crowded and I exhaust myself.
I don't want to be the person spinning their wheels not going anywhere. I fear that, even if I make the effort, I would still be back to square one but this time with the absolute burnout of trying to get better. The pessimist in me lives off of this shit and I am sick of it. I hate that this post is the opposite of what I posted last time, but I am not in a cheery disposition and I (still) fear I will never get a true sense of content if that makes sense.
User 479360
Banned
I've been spinning my wheels for years and it sucks. But I'm too fearful of change and have no motivation or energy, so I haven't changed anything. I fear that I will just end up back here, or be in major debt.
You're never a burden! <3
I've been okay! I'm hoping for big things in the next few months.
The big thing I learned, and my big advice for people in here, is to keep some distance from people who only want to talk when things are bad. It was always clear to me who my friends were - the people who cared about my health along with their own, and who would share the good times with me too - and who treated me like a free therapist. As clear as people's intentions are, I'm good at overlooking them. I'm dumb like that.
This thread is a great place for general advice and obviously most posts are going to be more negative than positive. How much people want to participate is on them. It's great to see people trying to be helpful. I ran into trouble as I got to know people better. PMs, skype, IRC - all that stuff helped me make some amazing friends, get help, and have some great times. But I realize now how much time I...I don't want to say "wasted." I don't think helping people is ever really a waste...I guess I SPENT a lot of time and energy on people who basically wanted all they could get from me and had nothing to give in return. That was a lot of negative energy that I did not need.
People sometimes need more help when they come in here, which is totally understandable. But the people who stick around and make it a useful, beneficial thing also give back what and when they can.
Audioboxer
Member
It's taken me roughly 2 years to get over a long term relationship breakup. Looking back at me of over 2 years ago is like holy shit, what a different person. I was in a terrible state.
I still suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes which I always will (diagnosed before relationship) but I'm in a much better place now. Still struggling to find someone new but I won't force that.
I guess you can insert the old and repeated bit of advice of time being a healer here.
I still suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes which I always will (diagnosed before relationship) but I'm in a much better place now. Still struggling to find someone new but I won't force that.
I guess you can insert the old and repeated bit of advice of time being a healer here.
bronkonagurski
Member
I've had anxiety and panic attack issues on and off for years. For a while I took Xanax for it but I got addicted and abused it, which did me no good.
I think I'm doing better lately. Sometimes I can talk myself through it and find phrases or thoughts to repeat that calm me down.
I think I'm doing better lately. Sometimes I can talk myself through it and find phrases or thoughts to repeat that calm me down.
What is it that you want or would like to go out and do with yourself?
Xanax should only be used in extreme cases imo. Its addictive.
If you can manage to talk yourself through it or just calm down by focusing on something else - that's MUCH better even if it may not be as quick and effective at first.
User 479360
Banned
Ideally, I'd like to live a normal life and get married, live on my own or with someone and not have kids. I'd like to be financially sound and not feel like a waste.
I just don't have the energy, independence, motivation or know how to do that.
bronkonagurski
Member
Agreed. That is why I have not touched a Xanax pill in 10 years now. Weaning myself off it was a nightmare.
BipolarBear629
Member
Just need to vent. I am currently on health leave from college due to depression and anxiety and won't be allowed to come back until September.
I'm not sure what I'm suppose to be doing home to get better. I am seeing another therapist again once a week but I'm bored out of my mind.
I feel as if the hardest part of this is deing with the anxiety. I keep thinking that I'm gay and repressing it. I force myself to imagine different scenarios and watch different things to see if I get aroused. The funny part is I absolutely don't care if I was gay, at least that's what I think but maybe I've been lying about that too. My therapist said it's just anxiety and now I'm on 20mcg of Prozac but the depression and anxiety is still there. It's ruining my life.
I'm not sure what I'm suppose to be doing home to get better. I am seeing another therapist again once a week but I'm bored out of my mind.
I feel as if the hardest part of this is deing with the anxiety. I keep thinking that I'm gay and repressing it. I force myself to imagine different scenarios and watch different things to see if I get aroused. The funny part is I absolutely don't care if I was gay, at least that's what I think but maybe I've been lying about that too. My therapist said it's just anxiety and now I'm on 20mcg of Prozac but the depression and anxiety is still there. It's ruining my life.
User 479360
Banned
We got a call the other day, from my sister's personal support worker company, which was raising a stink about me posting shit about them on Facebook. My Dad took the call as I was walking to the phone, and then I got shit on about it afterwards, even tonight which is days later.
I don't get it, though. There's not one thing on my Facebook about them that I can see or remember posting, nor is there anything when I search through my activity log. On top of that, my Facebook is private and they have no access to it.
I will admit that I vented a year ago, about how they're really loud in the morning and are ignorant about it (not being quieter when asked), even though they know I sleep like shit and am up all night a lot, helping my Mom and sister. However, not only was that private, and do I not have any of them as friends, but it was a year ago and deleted long ago.
I don't get it, though. There's not one thing on my Facebook about them that I can see or remember posting, nor is there anything when I search through my activity log. On top of that, my Facebook is private and they have no access to it.
I will admit that I vented a year ago, about how they're really loud in the morning and are ignorant about it (not being quieter when asked), even though they know I sleep like shit and am up all night a lot, helping my Mom and sister. However, not only was that private, and do I not have any of them as friends, but it was a year ago and deleted long ago.
If you tweet with the hashtag #bellletstalk, Bell Canada donates 5 cents to Mental Health initiatives.
CosmicWabbit
Member
I'm still trying to figure out what happened, I came back from a student exchange and everything was fine like always but a month after that I noticed that they started to excluiding me from all and when I wanted to tell them about the things I accomplished they didn't care much. Since that day I stopped talking to them because I didn't want things keep getting worse.
I feel that everything is my fault that's why I would like to try and ask them about what's wrong with me but I'm afraid that they are not going to tell me the truth. Although things are getting worse I'm going to try to do my best and learn from this experience, maybe I can fix this or make more friends like you said.
Thank you for your reply and your welcome Piano, I'm still depressed and crying but I feel a bit better after writing here because I don't have anyone to talk to right now.
the way it comes off on TV here (Toronto) is BELLBELLCELEBRITIESBELLBELLmentalhealthBELLBELLCELEBRITIES!!!!!
seems really disingenuous. though I guess it's ultimately for a good cause!
I've been feeling better this week than I have for the past month. But I feel like that's going to come crashing down soon. I've never had therapy, but with everyone telling me it's what I need, I'm pretty set on going for the first time. But, I've been talking to someone new and we're very kindred - mental health wise - and she's told me that her sessions each cost 25,000¥. That is a huge amount of money for me. I mean maybe once a month it would be OK, but now I'm feeling extremely put out on how to go about this.
I'll kick in an extra nickel for you. That is .00000001 seconds of quality therapy for a deserving patient.
My therapy is free so your Nicole was wasted
Nicole, don't listen to him.
That's one of the reasons I became such a believer in mindfulness and all that jazz. After all, all of the suffering in those sorts of situations is from negative projections of the future or ruminations or assumptions, never from actual, present moment experience. It seems to me that if we could keep our focus in the present moment more often we would suffer far, far less.
I haven't experienced OCD, LB, so I can't speak from personal experience, but the idea is that a therapist would be able to give you a hint about the questions you have - what to do, how to cope, etc. Have you had a good experience with your present therapist? If so, have you considered seeing him / her more often?
I fear I'm not able to offer the specificity I wish I could in my insight, and I know this hews closely along the seams that I usually follow, but it seems to me that more than willing yourself into a new way of being or trying to force yourself to feel differently it's important to try your best to get down to the root of what your motivation has consisted of in the past, where your fear is coming from, and what has tied you so deeply to this pessimism.
I don't know exactly how to do that, unfortunately. It's all part of the process of investigating self, which is crucial to our growth in this life, but what that process involves seems to vary depending on the person and the time. For me, lately, it's been listening to a lot of romantic-era classical music that invokes certain feelings in me and reading existentialist material. At one point I learned some thing about myself from rom com movies.
The one thing I think always, always helps is to journal. It doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be about what you did today. I just sit down with a notebook and a pen and put my pen to paper and see what the first word that comes out is. Sometimes the words form sentences, sometimes they don't. Sometimes I even listen to instrumental music while I do this.
I think your fears are logical - they are scary things - but they're also not totally founded in that there are many possible outcomes and we still have some amount of influence over which ones of them transpire, if only we can find the means to exert that influence. As you said, it takes a lot of emotional energy, and finding those wells of energy requires surveying and exploring the landscape.
I appreciate the insight, Bagels (and I'm also glad you checked in!). I've tried my best to be very structured about how I interact with the community precisely to avoid emotional burnout. If there were a way to put data on the length of my posts next to my current emotional climate one would see they're very related.
In the wise words of Ben Folds: "time takes time, you know?"
I'm glad to hear you're healing, Audioboxer. It takes a long time, and that's okay. Finding someone new also takes time, and that's okay, too.
For a long time I harbored an intense anxiety about whether there were things I was deeply repressing, so much so that I wasn't even aware of them. I worried that I was gay and hiding it, along with other things like worrying that I was going to snap and turn violent or lose control and kill myself.
It's been long enough now that I've been forced to reason that it's much more likely that I'm anxiously worrying about the possibilities of the human mind than repressing my true self. For the gay thing, it helped me to talk to a friend who came out of the closet fairly late (mid-college) about his experience, and how he KNEW he was gay. Hearing him talk about how he knew gave me a lot of reassurance that, well, I'm not gay, as what I was worrying about was nothing like the feelings he had had.
Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, of course, but the anxiety about whether or not I really "knew" myself was tearing me up.
As far as being bored, well, it's a good time to explore structuring your free time in such a way that you keep a sense of momentum and learning about where you can find the motivation to do so. For me, I eventually found a core group of activities that gave me a daily sense of purpose (exercising, practicing piano and meditating) along with larger scale "projects" that I'd work on every day (such as listening to a new artist's discography or organizing all of my old family photos). I made a list of short, medium and long term goals - short being things I could work on TODAY, medium things I could work towards in a few weeks, and long term a few months.
As tough as it is, CW, it can be very helpful to take space when things aren't working in a friendship or relationship. Perhaps this is a good time to find others to reach out to and then there will be a better time in the future to reconnect with those friends. In the mean time I think writing, in general, helps a lot to get feelings OUT instead of just letting them fester inside forever, and you're welcome to post here whenever you need to.
Ah yes, the "other shoe is going to drop" phenomenon! I've worried about the other shoe for years now. When things are good they might suddenly become bad, and when they're bad, what if they get worse?! The best antidote I've found is learning to live, the best I can, taking things one step at a time. It's so senseless to make myself suffer in the present over the fear of suffering in the future.
Do you have health insurance? Is there a possibility of checking with your insurer about the costs and who is and is not covered? I'm not familiar with how these things work in all areas of the world, unfortunately, but often there is a reasonable option available.
<3
LittleBoots
Member
I actually haven't seen my therapist in a while. I usually only schedule appointments to see him on an as needed basis. Up until now, it hasn't been necessary. But I did just see my new psychiatrist who just prescribed me a new medication that's an anti-depressant that's specifically for OCD, clomipramine. I don't start it until tomorrow, and I know it'll probably take some time before it starts to work, but I really, really hope it makes things better. The picking is getting progressively worse.
I've spoken to my therapist before about my OCD, but at the time, it wasn't a big deal. I didn't do it very often, and even when I did, I hardly inflicted pain and caused myself to bleed. So I wasn't really given specific advice as to what to do when in the moment, and feeling the urge to pick.
I've got the very basic public health insurance, because my company is too focused on profit to offer employees a real health insurance package. I don't think it gets covered, but if it did then it might only be in my prefecture, whereas I'll have to pop up to Tokyo for each session so it was in English.
So I saw a psychologist (with a doctorate) a while ago with the intent of taking a comprehensive test to figure out just what's wrong with me. But she decided the test wouldn't help, but that I definitely do have severe anxiety but not depression (guess that's what happens when you don't want to bring up your suicidal ideation, especially since my nosy parents were there too). She also said my psychiatrist should be trying me on a lot more different meds, because so far he's given me xanax, zoloft, wellbutrin, and beta blockers, and the psychologist seems to think none of them are working (I've been seeing this psychiatrist for like three years now, for reference). I admit it's hard to tell if they're doing anything - the xanax or zoloft might be helping a tiny bit, and I haven't noticed any change since I started taking the wellbutrin. But they're definitely not working in any real noticeable way because my life still sucks and I feel shitty and anxious all the time.
Feeling super crappy and unmotivated tonight. Which I guess is ok. I can deal with this. It's when I go into crazy suicidal depression spirals that I can't handle. Luckily that hasn't happened in a bit.
Medication helps a lot. Honestly, I really should have gone on it a lot earlier. I wouldn't have screwed up shit so bad with some people. But now I just need to wait it out, and if they decide to reach out, then I'll try to mend the bridge I've burned with them. If not, then that's their right. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and use that to help more people and hurt less.
I've still been meaning to volunteer, but it's hard to find time. I go to a really difficult STEM university and that takes up all or my time and energy. But so far this semester is better than last, so that's good : ).
If anyone needs to PM or whatever I'm here. I can't guaruntee I'll be the quickest responder, but I'll try my hardest to get back to you ASAP.
Stay strong MH GAF. : )
Medication helps a lot. Honestly, I really should have gone on it a lot earlier. I wouldn't have screwed up shit so bad with some people. But now I just need to wait it out, and if they decide to reach out, then I'll try to mend the bridge I've burned with them. If not, then that's their right. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and use that to help more people and hurt less.
I've still been meaning to volunteer, but it's hard to find time. I go to a really difficult STEM university and that takes up all or my time and energy. But so far this semester is better than last, so that's good : ).
If anyone needs to PM or whatever I'm here. I can't guaruntee I'll be the quickest responder, but I'll try my hardest to get back to you ASAP.
Stay strong MH GAF. : )
This is a very rare entry in this thread from me, in that I'm actually going to write about how things are going better. Savor it, like a juicy steak!
(Except I don't like steak.)
Because I'm in one of those periods when my symptoms are less severe, I've been trying to figure out ways of structuring that time so I feel less lonely and anxious. For instance, last night I spent several hours at the house of a singer I used to work with. We talked a bunch, had a nice dinner and even went through some pieces on her lovely, recently tuned piano. The company was alright (honestly, she and I don't have one of those relationships where you can talk for hours because our interests are pretty different, opera aside) but the real moment of contentment came when I was at the piano, her amazing voice right beside me and we were sight-reading music, just like we used to. It reminded me how much my self-worth and happiness is tied into performing, both the benefits and the deep dangers of that. It also reminded me that for all of my flaws (and there are many), I am a very fine pianist and musician.
For the times when I'm at home alone (which is most of the time), I'm trying to set up different projects. First, I've started to walk 15-30 minutes each day (depending on the weather and how I'm feeling). Second, I've decided that my piano has sat dormant long enough and have started to seriously work on a new piece, a Mozart piano sonata. Specifically, his K. 576. It's the last sonata he wrote and probably the most difficult (which might not be the smartest choice for me but you can't say I never go big). I'm already sweating bullets in the first movement, which has a great deal of very rapid runs in it, with hands often doing very different things. And of course, being Mozart, there's nowhere to hide as the use of the pedal is extremely limited and any mistake stands out instantly. It's been fun to set aside a little bit of time each day to turn the electronics off and just sit at that piano.
It's a tricky thing. My mood starts to drop the instant that I detect I don't have enough to do but at the same time, I get really anxious if I feel like I don't have enough "me" time so finding that balance is a real challenge.
(Oh, and I need therapy, definitely, if only to start confronting my abandonment and sexuality issues. But also because I never felt I got the chance to properly grieve for the life, career and friends that I lost and I'm not really sure how. It feels bottled up inside of me. But the good news is that I'm waiting on a call back from the local mental health agency in this area so we can hopefully get the ball rolling.)
(Except I don't like steak.)
Because I'm in one of those periods when my symptoms are less severe, I've been trying to figure out ways of structuring that time so I feel less lonely and anxious. For instance, last night I spent several hours at the house of a singer I used to work with. We talked a bunch, had a nice dinner and even went through some pieces on her lovely, recently tuned piano. The company was alright (honestly, she and I don't have one of those relationships where you can talk for hours because our interests are pretty different, opera aside) but the real moment of contentment came when I was at the piano, her amazing voice right beside me and we were sight-reading music, just like we used to. It reminded me how much my self-worth and happiness is tied into performing, both the benefits and the deep dangers of that. It also reminded me that for all of my flaws (and there are many), I am a very fine pianist and musician.
For the times when I'm at home alone (which is most of the time), I'm trying to set up different projects. First, I've started to walk 15-30 minutes each day (depending on the weather and how I'm feeling). Second, I've decided that my piano has sat dormant long enough and have started to seriously work on a new piece, a Mozart piano sonata. Specifically, his K. 576. It's the last sonata he wrote and probably the most difficult (which might not be the smartest choice for me but you can't say I never go big). I'm already sweating bullets in the first movement, which has a great deal of very rapid runs in it, with hands often doing very different things. And of course, being Mozart, there's nowhere to hide as the use of the pedal is extremely limited and any mistake stands out instantly. It's been fun to set aside a little bit of time each day to turn the electronics off and just sit at that piano.
It's a tricky thing. My mood starts to drop the instant that I detect I don't have enough to do but at the same time, I get really anxious if I feel like I don't have enough "me" time so finding that balance is a real challenge.
(Oh, and I need therapy, definitely, if only to start confronting my abandonment and sexuality issues. But also because I never felt I got the chance to properly grieve for the life, career and friends that I lost and I'm not really sure how. It feels bottled up inside of me. But the good news is that I'm waiting on a call back from the local mental health agency in this area so we can hopefully get the ball rolling.)
Glad your back Bagels. I was wondering where you had gone to. Not that I have a leg to stand on. I disappear all the time.
Hey! EdmondD! Great to see you!
I'm trying to get back into visiting our IRC channel. Details are in the OP.
I was wondering if the IRC was still active. Have not been there in years literally, to my detriment. I am really antisocial despite my best efforts. Your presence is always a positive so I glad to see you posting again.
No U.
The posts in here that trouble me the most are from the single people who get so wrapped up in being single that they talk about really disliking seeing couples and stuff. I totally get it - I can remember being single, all of my friends being in relationships, and being acutely aware of being alone. I think it's just really toxic when that turns to these very negative feelings towards people in relationships. I know with my single friends, it makes me really glad when they are genuinely happy to see my wife and I happy together. Those people give off a really positive vibe that I know other people find attractive. Demonstrating that capacity for feeling good for someone else is just an attractive quality.
I end up being the third wheel on several of my friends' dates, which is kind of weird - I certainly would not bring me on a date (on my own dates, I'm always thinking, "who invited this jackass?" about myself), but whatever. I *think* they bring me along because I'm indeed so genuinely happy to see them happy. I know couples who are a bit gross and showy, and that feels fake and weird, but the couples I really love just give off this lowkey positive energy. The more you can bask in that energy and just enjoy being in people's orbit, I think the better you feel and the better it makes you look. In the same way that it helps me make friends, I know it would really stand out if I were looking for a relationship myself.
I don't entirely know how to cultivate that. My romantic life is taken care of, so it's easy to say dumb shit like "just be yourself!" "You'll find someone when you stop looking!" etc. I guess...when you find yourself feeling negatively towards other couples, it helps to recognize it and try not to let it consume you. You can distance yourself from the couples that shove their relationship in your face, or bring you along and then only pay attention to each other (that's the worst). The couples that try to draw attention to how in love they are are invariably way less happy than they let on. Take comfort in that. My friends in the quietly contented couples are the ones who are still together.
Maybe this all seems dumb. But I know that getting pissed off about other couples is a huge barrier to finding a relationship of your own. I don't know exactly how to not get angry and upset and consumed by the desire to find someone. But it is really something to fight against because it is so counterproductive.
for me it's less negative feelings towards couples, and more bringing up memories for me that are painful.
like, I'm super happy that all my friends are in strong relationships. but sometimes it triggers me, and valentines day shit suuuuuuuuuuper triggers me. not even imagery of "couples" but... valentines day branded tshirts? teddy bears? that kind of silly stuff. just seeing that stuff is enough.
hard to avoid, too. it's everywhere. just gotta take it >_<
ugaboga232
Member
Super anxious about a fake patient encounter that is not even graded, gonna have to work hard if I ever want to be a competent doctor :\
EdibleKnife
Member
Couple of questions for MHGaf. Just visited a new therapist and she recommended combining drugs with the talk therapy for my depression. As of now, I'm pretty much determined to try it out solely for the fact that although I enjoy talk therapy, I feel like not much has changed//I haven't made many strides and I'd appreciate some sort of appreciable change in my mental health even if I have to go on a prescription.
Her recommended starting point was to ask my primary care doc for Prozac since it's common and she related a story of a patient who had success on it. Has anyone had experience with Prozac? Worst side effects? Did you feel significantly better? And if you had insurance, do you remember how much you had to pay out of pocket for it?
Her recommended starting point was to ask my primary care doc for Prozac since it's common and she related a story of a patient who had success on it. Has anyone had experience with Prozac? Worst side effects? Did you feel significantly better? And if you had insurance, do you remember how much you had to pay out of pocket for it?
I have a great deal of experience on Prozac. It has helped my mood, for the most part. The most severe side effects I've noticed are in the sexual realm. Extreme difficulty reaching orgasm, in particular. Which don't get me wrong, sucks ass. I've gone off it several times just because of that side effect. And usually regretted it. The drug is very cheap these days because it's available in generic form. I think somewhere around $10 for a month's supply (but don't quote me on that). It depends on the dose you're taking (I took 20 mg, others take 40 mg).
Lionheart1827
Member
This is what I like to hear. Keep doing what you're doing bro. Gotta make the most of the "Good times" and try to get past the "bad times" as fast and efficient as possible.
Fall Into The GAF
Member
I think the root of my motivation and fear is that i'll be alone and stuck in one place forever and that I won't ever live up to my own (admittedly exaggerate and maybe unrealistic) ideal self. The thing is that when I was younger, I felt like I had a safe future ahead of me and wouldn't have to deal with too much (internal and external) conflict. In a sense, I felt stable. I had plenty of interests, hobbies, my family at the time wasn't split up. Of course, that was my perception inside the bubble I was in. With my GAD, anything negative is catastrophic with absolute consequence. The tenets of unbridled cynicism slowly bled through and I became rigid in not helping myself because I felt any change was for naught due to external factors that made it it's mission to push me down.
It wasn't a good idea to have my social life be primarily relegated on online forums where cynicism is "The One True Belief" and being abrasive was how to communicate. Then again, I felt like that was my only avenue due to my (at the time) severe social anxiety. It's hard to deconstruct those beliefs when that is the only perception you have had for your teen/early adult years.
Halfway through my screed, I wondered if Valentine's Day was painful to you in this other way, but then I just kept writing.
That wasn't all really aimed at you. More a general observation about something that comes up in the thread a lot.
Sorry about the painful memories associated with the holiday. I take comfort in the words I learned as a kid - EVERY day is Earth Day. If Valentine's Day is painful, fuck it - just have two Earth Days each year.
On a scale of minus 10 to 0 how not helpful was any of that?
Well, my Paxil isn't working. It's been months, plus an upped dose and nothing has changed. I feel just as depressed if not more, and I'm just as anxious.
I honestly don't think I can go much longer like this. I hate typing this because it's going to sound minor (I actually did last week and then deleted it, but I can't keep internalizing all of this). I'm slowly realizing that nobody wants me. I've become very good friends with a girl that I think I'm in love with (I know it sounds stupid and probably unstable), but I'm realizing that I'm not the type of person she wants. I think she thinks I'm childish and beneath her. And you know what? She's right. My sense of humor and behavior when I'm around her isn't exactly reflective of a mature 20 year old. I'm a goof around her because I can't show my real feelings because I know it'd make her uncomfortable, and because of that she doesn't want me. And no one else does. I have plenty of friends, but I never feel wanted. I'm just a guy that no one wants anything more than a casual friendship with, and at this point I can't exactly blame them and I don't know how to change peoples' view of me. I'm tired of being a footnote.
I honestly don't think I can go much longer like this. I hate typing this because it's going to sound minor (I actually did last week and then deleted it, but I can't keep internalizing all of this). I'm slowly realizing that nobody wants me. I've become very good friends with a girl that I think I'm in love with (I know it sounds stupid and probably unstable), but I'm realizing that I'm not the type of person she wants. I think she thinks I'm childish and beneath her. And you know what? She's right. My sense of humor and behavior when I'm around her isn't exactly reflective of a mature 20 year old. I'm a goof around her because I can't show my real feelings because I know it'd make her uncomfortable, and because of that she doesn't want me. And no one else does. I have plenty of friends, but I never feel wanted. I'm just a guy that no one wants anything more than a casual friendship with, and at this point I can't exactly blame them and I don't know how to change peoples' view of me. I'm tired of being a footnote.
- Status