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[DOWN]

I'm gay and gladly out now. I think the only sort of internalized anger I have left over from the closet is that I spent so long as a kid and then in college worried that if I ever told my parents and friends, no matter how likely I thought it was that it would be okay, they never actually told me if its ok with them before. We had no gay friends that I knew of, no gay relatives. I thought my friends/family were awesome people, nice usually, didn't say too much negative about gay people (though they had each said something harsh and it stuck with me even now :/ ), but they were mostly Christians which ups the likelihood that it's against their 'deeply held beliefs.'

Thus I spent hundreds of hours of my life worried and sometimes panicking they might distance themselves from me if I told them. Whether intentionally or not. And worse yet, straight people don't realize that non-straight people aren't going to bring up the topic themselves to test the waters because they are avoiding showing tell tale signs of sympathy or whatever that could out them to an unsympathetic associate.

I am still pissed and hurt that I was left legitimately wondering if every single person I relied on would stay close with me. Because for a lot of young LGBT+ people, they learn the hard way that it's a non-negotiable deal breaker to their otherwise kind families and they lose their support or home.


Conclusion I guess:
Not one person ever said "hey, if someone tells me they are gay or trans or whatever, they are just as much a friend to me as always." That would have given me a whole lot less time feeling scared. Don't make me wonder if it would push you away.

It doesn't have to be said at a random moment or singling anyone out like a confrontation, but just if it comes up in politics or a group conversation or a tv show or whatever. You're going to get a chance to say so, I'm going to notice if you do or don't.

So please, if you get the chance and you've never done it before, just mention you've got your friends back or your kid or your niece. They might have been like me and really needed it.


Hell, you could have done this and I would have noticed. Just do something please:

 

[NoblesseOblige]

I've had to tell family they're being ignorant and stop it a few times in regards to LGBT issues. Luckily they have enough respect for me to listen and shut up, and on occasion I can tell they feel ashamed for what they said. Unfortunate that it wasn't more native for them to be supportive of such issues without the prompt though.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

I'm heterosexual male that djs here and there at gay clubs.

 

[Hoho for breakfast]

Kind of on topic, I hate that homophobic talk is still pretty common. It's usually "This is gay" or "That's so gay" or something along those lines.

I wish people would speak up more and let those people know it's not ok.

 

[Tagyhag]

"DOWN could you please pass the salt? Also if you're gay it's cool"

I feel like one should know their own family enough to know how they'd take it.

Edit: And even if you know they'll take it bad, you should tell them anyway. If they can't accept that then they're not your family.

 

[HUELEN10]

I try to do my part to help fellow queers when I can, but sadly some of the ones who have slighted me the most with my queerness, right at the end of adolescence and the start of adulthood, were queers themselves. It's... not that easy. At the end of the day, regardless if how other people treat you, try to be decent and supportive.

 

[HK-47]

I have but my parents are weird about it. Like they dont seem to care except about marriage for some reason.

 

[TaterTots]

If the conversation comes up I'm pretty honesty about my stance. However, I've come to learn that older people have the most problems with me not giving a shit. My parents for example, are in their late 60's and if I mention it I can get a ear full of b.s. If I mention it to someone in my age group/friends/girlfriends friends its nothing at all because most share the same stance.

The bottom line is that I do not care if someone is gay, straight, bi, transgender....it does not mean a damn comet is going to come down and destroy the world. People are people. Who cares.

 

[StriKeVillain]

My brother is gay and myself along with the rest of my family love him and his friends to death. We make sure to tell his stubborn ass every chance we get.

 

[Blood Diamonds]

"DOWN could you please pass the salt? Also if you're gay it's cool"

I feel like one should know their own family enough to know how they'd take it.

Edit: And even if you know they'll take it bad, you should tell them anyway. If they can't accept that then they're not your family.

no, if you know they'll take it bad it could fuck you over leaving you with no family, a place to stay, and a way to continue your education.

 

[Dice//]

Kind of on topic, I hate that homophobic talk is still pretty common. It's usually "This is gay" or "That's so gay" or something along those lines..

I confess that used to be me about 10 years ago. I was younger, dumber, and definitely had very little "gay exposure" though to really understand the weight and belittlement behind saying those sorts of things....and I deeply regret it now.

The Internet indeed being a great part of that. I never knew anyone gay growing up, so exposure to peoples stories and experiences as gay people helped change my perspective. I know it's fun to bitch about "SJW"s being too sensitive... honestly, I think the world is better for this sort-of newfound conscientiousness than worse.

 

[Urban Viking]

"DOWN could you please pass the salt? Also if you're gay it's cool"

I feel like one should know their own family enough to know how they'd take it.

Edit: And even if you know they'll take it bad, you should tell them anyway. If they can't accept that then they're not your family.

You'd be surprised how wrong one can be about their own family.

Also, it's not always as simple as 'you should tell them, no matter how they react'.

Edit: Congrats DOWN, by the way. My life has changed so much (for the better, fortunately) since I came out.

 

[Mupod]

my brother came out in the mid 90s and our parents were 100% supportive. I see so many horror stories on gaf from those who aren't as lucky and it's a scary thought to even imagine your own family turning their backs on you for such a thing. It was bad enough having the neighbourhood asshole kids come after my brother and I with a bat.

I will say I guess I'm a bit wary of referring to my brother and his husband as such with coworkers etc out of habit. But I mean I'm in Toronto now and it's 2016 I'd hope nobody would have a problem.

 

[Spyware]

Huh, I've never thought about it like that. I'd like to think my actions speak for me. I bought the Gaystation for example. I openly support the local pride stuff and things like that. Is that enough?
It would feel so awkward saying "If you're gay it's cool" to someone, just randomly. :/

 

[Misha]

Even though I'm pretty sure it wasn't her intent, my grandma's made it known to me that she's capable of being supportive regardless of whatever and I'm really grateful of that.

Its frustrating coming off of years of having to correct my sister and hear my dad laugh at lgbt individuals on tv and watch my mom break out in tears when my one friend might have been trans. All that and I'm only sure of two friends who would stick with me and not judge me behind my back. Its weird spending all your time with people who might shun you in an instant. Its like being an undercover spy or something

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

Here's an example of what my close family posted when they legalized same sex marriage last year....

Traditional Roman Catholic family of HUNDREDS. I have 4 aunts and 4 uncles from that side of the family and each of them has had 10+ Kids. I don't think I could handle the drama of making it clear how wrong they are in their beliefs.

 

[Friggz]

Here's an example of what my close family posted when they legalized same sex marriage last year....

Traditional Roman Catholic family of HUNDREDS. I have 4 aunts and 4 uncles from that side of the family and each of them has had 10+ Kids. I don't think I could handle the drama of making it clear how wrong they are in their beliefs.

jesus christ. im curious to see what the comments are to that post. hopefully people telling him/her how idiotic they sound.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

jesus christ. im curious to see what the comments are to that post. hopefully people telling him/her how idiotic they sound.

Nope 😰

 

[TsunamiOfSwagger]

I grew up in a large family and my cousin is gay, it's no big deal for any of us. We still love and respect him.
My partners sister came out as a lesbian a couple of years ago. She spent years worrying about her parents and family's reaction. She got really bad into alcohol and was essentially falling apart until she told everyone. But everyone sort of guessed she was a lesbian, and everyone was great that she had accepted who she was and was comfortable telling her loved ones.
The only bad thing in retrospect was not asking her if she was a lesbian, it would hopefully have saved her from the destructive streak she went through. Her parents were kind of upset that she hadn't told them earlier, but their entire family is non confrontational and seem to hide their opinions and feelings.

 

[Eusis]

You'd be surprised how wrong one can be about their own family.

Also, it's not always as simple as 'you should tell them, no matter how they react'.

Edit: Congrats DOWN, by the way. My life has changed so much (for the better, fortunately) since I came out.

Yeah, I have heard of some really nasty shit, and it's part of why I feared admitting to some of my latent trans feelings. But with much of my family having gotten very distant I've cared less versus before, though I'm still cautious.

And I should remember to say I'm OK with it, though I make sure to share stories of when stupid shit happens, and inversely gave my brother crap for using "gay" the way he has despite him having no maliciousness.

 

[Friggz]

Nope 😰

good lord. thats the kind of person that would make me call it quits on social media.

 

[USC-fan]

I have a cousin that is gay but he hasnt come out. Most likely because his parent think it not okay and is a sin.

I would never just walk up to him and say this. I bet he would freak out thinking i would out him. Very surprised you would like someone doing this to you.

Maybe im just wrong here.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

good lord. thats the kind of person that would make me call it quits on social media.

I've debated making my support for LGBT well known by my family but by god they can be fucking despicable when it comes to this.

 

[Laughing Banana]

I would most definitely support anyone coming out if they ever do that to me, but unfortunately I live in a place where publicly stating your support and do stuff to commit that support for LGBT privately would be a lot, and I do mean A LOT, more beneficial and useful than to mention it publicly.

 

[bananafactory]

Good story OP. I am pretty vocal about it but it's nice to hear that has an effect on people like yourself

I recently backed this project to support inclusion in hockey and sports

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/252024940/pride-tape-hockey-tape-to-support-young-lgbtq-play

I plan on rocking it on all my sticks and expect to maybe get some comments but I don't care

 

[Red Comet]

Great topic. I'm bi, but not really open about it. Partly because I don't know exactly how my parents would react. Both my brother and my grandma though, who I'm close with, have basically told me its cool, which means a lot to me.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

I would imagine Jesus comforting the soul of a person in conflict, if I thought being lgbt was a sin (which I do not).

 

[Prototype Viktor]

Hi don't have to my family/friends are progressive

Spoiler

or racist

Also I tell anyone under 25 that I assume you're bisexual unless told otherwise because it's the year 2000

 

[Fusebox]

I'm still using the old LGBT. Where do I upgrade to LGBT+?

 

[Stinkles]

All my friends and family are cool with it. In fact I'd say that while significant problems persist, this is one of the quickest social transitions I can remember.

Without people coming out, fighting for rights and sacrificing, it couldn't have happened.

 

[Christopher]

Oh don't worry, and if I hear any derogatory terms I take it seriously.

 

[Prototype Viktor]

I'm still using the old LGBT. Where do I upgrade to LGBT+?

Sent out 10 human rights emails in under 5 minutes to the same person then buy a young kid ice cream

 

[Gentleman Jack]

My immediate family is okay with it. My cousins and their extremely conservative parents don't even think atheism is real. The conversation never really goes in political directions and as grown relatives nobody talks about themselves, so it's hard to open such conversations with 'so been to any gay weddings lately?'

I'll probably talk to them about it before the general election. My gut feeling is they ain't ready for it.

 

[Ekdrm2d1]

I rally for gay rights every chance I get. I also rally for Muslims and minorities. Also including the homeless.

Stand with the weak. Protect others.

 

[Vincent Alexander]

good lord. thats the kind of person that would make me call it quits on social media.

I wish my friends who were pieces of shit were this honest. It'd make it a lot easier to figure out who they are to prune them from my life.

 

[blame space]

does anyone know if my friends/family read NeoGAF.com

because if they do, I just want to make one thing clear: being gay or trans owns.

 

[liliththepale]

I've definitely had conversations with my family about it, and most of my friends are very LGBT+ accepting. I even was a bridesmaid at a lesbian wedding last year!

But I'm not going to pick fights. I'm not interested in antagonizing friends and family.

 

[Jedi2016]

It comes up with conversations with my friends and such, so most everybody I know already knows that I'm okay with it. Ditto for family, Mom had gay friends growing up that I got to know later, so it's all good.

 

[Pau]

I try to to do this especially for my younger cousins. Talking about these concepts in a nonchalant way (like mentioning a guy friend's boyfriend) to normalize them or playing dumb about their homophobic jokes ("Why is that 'gay'? I don't get it the joke. What does this have to do with liking the same gender?")

I don't get to see them a lot since I live in a different country so I doubt I would be their first line of support, but I hope from what I've said they trust that I would support them if they ever came out.

 

[dryuriev7777]

I struggled for a little while wondering what people would think when they found out I liked dudes. It was a weird thing where I didn't want to bring anything up because oh god I was sure they'd judge me, and they never brought it up either because various sexualities were never randomly brought up in conversation thus they never really spoke up for it or they knew I had a dude fetish and they didn't want to put me on the spot or whatever, but then I guess they could have made a passing broad comment about it to try to get me to open up. It eventually turned out to not be a big deal to anyone and a lot of it was just in my own head.

I like to think we're eventually getting to the point where bi/gay people don't have these doubts about what other people think about their sexual orientation and no one actually needs to say "I support who you are" in regard to their sexuality because it will simply not be a big deal. I mean when I was a child it blew my tiny mind that there was a point in time where interracial couples weren't an everyday thing that nobody really blinked an eye at; I hope it will be the same for my kids with gay couples.

Btw I accept and love all of you.

 

[liliththepale]

I try to to do this especially for my younger cousins. Talking about these concepts in a nonchalant way (like mentioning a guy friend's boyfriend) to normalize them or playing dumb about their homophobic jokes ("Why is that 'gay'? I don't get it the joke. What does this have to do with liking the same gender?")

I don't get to see them a lot since I live in a different country so I doubt I would be their first line of support, but I hope from what I've said they trust that I would support them if they ever came out.

Yeah I think the youth are much easier to correct in this regard, and ultimately where it will be more helpful (so the next generation doesn't have to grow up closeted).

 

[Kas]

If it comes up, I mention I'm bisexual, but I'm not out yet to my family.

I do always mention I'm with the gays when it comes to anything remotely LGBT-discriminatory in any conversation, no matter who it is.

 

[Whiteblade999]

I support them and will tell someone to cut it out if they are saying stupid shit. One of the few things I have next to no tolerance for. People have enough things to deal with in their lives, why make it worse with drive by comments?

 

[Eusis]

I'm still using the old LGBT. Where do I upgrade to LGBT+?

Say you're very sympathetic to those apathetic to sex and those who were born atypical physically.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

I should just live stream the shit show that unfolds if I publicly (.ie Facebook) announce my support for the LGBT community. My family would have a meltdown. I'll probably just blow up their feeds with my skimpy outfit at our local pride parade.

At the end of the day, I don't need to stir up trouble

 

[Admiral Woofington]

I've definitely had conversations with my family about it, and most of my friends are very LGBT+ accepting. I even was a bridesmaid at a lesbian wedding last year!

But I'm not going to pick fights. I'm not interested in antagonizing friends and family.

Yeah this is me. I come from a very Catholic conservative family and country. I have a lesbian cousin who has told the rest of us cousins and we support her. She's told her mom too. But we have a hyper Christian aunt who posts anti gay stuff on Facebook. We could confront her but to deal with that fallout and division from the family would break my parents heart.

 

[rokkerkory]

I cannot stand people that believe in God and yet judge others for who they love.

God loves everyone and so should you.

 

[SaganIsGOAT]

I cannot stand people that believe in God and yet judge others for who they love.

God loves everyone and so should you.

Wish I could inject my entire family with some of this sense.

 

[Brutalitops]

I'm kind of fine to allow them to have their beliefs as long as they don't actually hurt anyone. If they ever did anything beyond the occasional complaint or shouting at the tv I would speak up though.

 

[Lesath]

I avoided doing the rainbow profile thing initially just because it seemed like a really superficial show of support, but I didn't realize how much it could mean to some people. Consider me enlightened.