Is refusing to date people of certain races racist?

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Yep it's racist.

Speaking from my own experience, you can always find someone super attractive regardless of race. I mean, just google it.
 
veryslowhand said:
I don't like (feel attracted to) very tall girls so I don't date then, that dosen't make me a tall people hater.
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If you single out tall people specifically because of their height and then proclaim that you haven't dated tall people in the past specifically because of their height and that you won't date tall people in the future specifically because of their height... that does in fact make you a "tall people hater".

That very clearly shows that the thing you don't like about them is their height.
 
RandomHopeInc said:
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EDIT: Credit SunhiLegend, of course.
 
Two Words said:
This is somebody who is determined to not get it.
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How so?

Can you change your opinion of someone you don't find attractive? Imagine a girl you have no interest in, that you've never thought were attractive. Now you have to imagine being with that girl.

For me, the thought of being with someone I don't find attractive, just feels wrong.

(Personality makes people attractive, so they're not mutually exclusive).

I'm not denying that there is institutionalized racism involved when it comes to our preferences, but can you really tell anyone "This person you're not attracted to? Yeah you now have to be attracted to them".
 
I read three pages of this thread and noticed a pattern. Paraphrasing, but saw a few exchanges along these lines.

Poster 1: "I don't refuse to date any race, but have a preference for certain features more common in certain races."
Poster 2: "That's racist."
Poster 1: "I can't help what I'm attracted to."
Poster 3: "Oh so you've seen every black woman and decided they're all unattractive?"

Is it still like this? Because I find I'm generally most attracted to Asian girls and white girls, but I've seen beautiful women of every race and would have no problems dating them (if I were single). Maybe this is institutional racism making me think this way. But I feel like beyond that it's a person's cultural experience that shapes them. I live in a part of the world with many white people and many Asian people. Growing up I knew and had crushes on cute girls of these races. I've met a handful of black women in my entire life. There just straight up aren't many black people here.

That said, I will outright admit I probably have had prejudice toward races in terms of attraction. I also grew up around Indian people, and for a long time didn't really find brown girls attractive. I viewed them as "others" because they were mostly recent immigrants that didn't match my adolescent ideals of beauty. Now, again if I was single, I would absolutely date a brown girl and have often found them attractive.

But old ideas are ingrained hard, and I'd still say that more often than not my preference leans toward white or East Asian women. My wife was born in Korea.
 
see5harp said:
Preferences like height and weight aren't the same as straight up finding all black women unattractive. Someone who straight up said they weren't attracted to Asian people would be a racist in my eyes.
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There is a difference between saying "I don't date black women" or "I don't date asian women" and saying "I prefer black women" or "I prefer asian women". Preference isn't an absolute statement like the one in the OP or the example you gave.

If someone prefers a certain ethnicy in terms of attractivity he/she doesn't automatically not want to date any people that come from elsewhere.

Gotdatmoney said:
This always bugs me.

"I dont find black people attractive"
"Well do you find white people atttactive?"
"Yeah"
"So you find all white people attractive?"
"Well no"
"Then how are you sure you don't find all black people attractive? Being white clearly isn't the answer to this question then"
"I dunno I just know"

Fuck off please. This is really how I know people are full of shit.
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This I can agree with.
 
see5harp said:
Preferences like height and weight aren't the same as straight up finding all black women unattractive. Someone who straight up said they weren't attracted to Asian people would be a racist in my eyes.
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But you said preferences at first. All people with preferences should die. Now you seem to have preferences.
Like everyone else. But i agree that people who just say that they will never date a person with a different skin-color out of pure principle is just a racist.
 
Crossing Eden said:
Does the fact that she's white have anything to do with the lack of attraction?
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No, but I've met tons of black and asian girls I have found incredibly attractive, that I wished I could've dated. I've also met tons of black and asian girls I have not found attractive.

Does this mean I'm racist?

It's just ridiculous to infer that finding different things attractive, makes you a racist, since you can't really convince yourself to find unattractive things attractive.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
How so?

Can you change your opinion of someone you don't find attractive? Imagine a girl you have no interest in, that you've never thought were attractive. Now you have to imagine being with that girl.

For me, the thought of being with someone I don't find attractive, just feels wrong.

(Personality makes people attractive, so they're not mutually exclusive).

I'm not denying that there is institutionalized racism involved when it comes to our preferences, but can you really tell anyone "This person you're not attracted to? Yeah you now have to be attracted to them".
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You’re determined not to get it because you keep bringing up an argument that has nothing to do with this thread. Nobody said finding one person from a given race as unattractive is racist.
 
Llyranor said:
There is a massive variety of skin tone within every race. Yes even for black people.

So, skin color is a pretty weak argument for eliminating an entire race, unless one only prefers pure aryan skin.
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Where did I say "eleminating an entire race"? I know how you mean that and it still doesn't apply. I was talking about preference, not absolutism. Preference is something you gravitate to, not exclude everything that's not akin to that preference. What OP's friend said is racist for sure.

The tone of ones skin colour, not matter the variety, is a visual aspect of ones attraction just like hair or eye color. Some find something more attractive than someone else and vice versa. I don't see a problem with that.

One could argue that what someone finds attractive is often influenced through an abundance of media and that media might be part of institutional racism, but that's where the racism argument in regard to preferences stops for me.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
No, but I've met tons of black and asian girls I have found incredibly attractive, that I wished I could've dated. I've also met tons of black and asian girls I have not found attractive.

Does this mean I'm racist?

It's just ridiculous to infer that finding different things attractive, makes you a racist, since you can't really convince yourself to find unattractive things attractive.
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No, it doesn’t make you a racist, so obviously this topic doesn’t apply to you at all and you’re coming off like you’re trying to play a victim when you aren’t.

Nobody cares that you weren’t attracted to a couple women, because that’s not what this topic is about, and nobody is attacking you over it.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
No, but I've met tons of black and asian girls I have found incredibly attractive, that I wished I could've dated. I've also met tons of black and asian girls I have not found attractive.

Does this mean I'm racist?

It's just ridiculous to infer that finding different things attractive, makes you a racist, since you can't really convince yourself to find unattractive things attractive.
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Your argument has nothing to do with whats being discussed in the thread since OP's original post.
 
Two Words said:
You're determined not to get it because you keep bringing up an argument that has nothing to do with this thread. Nobody said finding one person from a given race as unattractive is racist.
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I just realized that I misunderstood the post I quoted. I apologize, it was stupid of me.

I took it as him essentially saying "You need to find everyone of every race attractive to not be racist".
 
Fudgepuppy said:
No, but I've met tons of black and asian girls I have found incredibly attractive, that I wished I could've dated. I've also met tons of black and asian girls I have not found attractive.
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Do you know why this is? Because race is a social construct. It's not a description of what a person looks like. That's why this is stupid. No you're not racist. All you need to do is release the dumb idea of what a black person or asian person looks like and realise that attraction is not a box.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
Wtf?

I have a co-worker who very obviously is interested in me (getting very close and intimate with me whenever she's drunk) but I never reciprocate because I'm not attracted to her, and because I don't feel compatible with her.

So because we're both white, this kind of preference is okay, but if she was black or asian, that would make me a racist?

Our preferences are definitely shaped by culture and media, making certain races "less desirable" than others, but you can't really force anyone to change their preferences if they're gut feelings.
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If the reason you weren't interested in her was because she was Black or Asian... yes

No one is really forcing anyone to change anything... we're just stating what it is... racism.

We're not trying to tell racist to date people of the races they are racist against (in fact I emphatically for the sake of the POC would recommend they don't) but it's still fucking racist.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
This always bugs me.

"I dont find black people attractive"
"Well do you find white people atttactive?"
"Yeah"
"So you find all white people attractive?"
"Well no"
"Then how are you sure you don't find all black people attractive? Being white clearly isn't the answer to this question then"
"I dunno I just know"

Fuck off please. This is really how I know people are full of shit.
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Everybody knows racism is wrong which is why nobody wants to admit to being racist. Everybody's looking so desperately for loopholes. It's pretty transparent.
 
I'm the least fussy son of a bitch and/or "really" enlightened. I think everyone has something beautiful about them so I'd date any race.
 
If it's skin color alone, then yes absolutely. If you've gotten to know the person and decided that the culture difference is too much for you to feel comfortable in a relationship with that person, I don't see a problem with that.
 
I don't understand the point of refusing to date people of certain races. You date people you are at least mildly attracted to, regardless of race.


I suspect a lot of people might make a rule like that not because they are inherently racist but because they live in a class structure where dating people of other races would harm their standing within the community and or cause outright conflict. It simply isn't worth the potential problems for them.
 
The Kree said:
Everybody knows racism is wrong which is why nobody wants to admit to being racist. Everybody's looking so desperately for loopholes. It's pretty transparent.
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And sometimes you see loopholes where there aren't any, and thus conclude the other person is racist. Saying "Everybody" includes a lot of people or well.... everybody, and going around with that mindset doesn't help anybody, just saying.
 
The Kree said:
Everybody knows racism is wrong which is why nobody wants to admit to being racist. Everybody's looking so desperately for loopholes. It's pretty transparent.
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The thing too is aint nobody asking you to change. Do whatever the fuck you want. But this is a discussion, don't skirt around this because your internal bullshit politics are flawed.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
The thing too is aint nobody asking you to change. Do whatever the fuck you want. But this is a discussion, don't skirt around this because your internal bullshit politics are flawed.
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The problem for them is that they want to have their cake and to eat it too. They want to keep their racial biases, but they don’t want their “preferences” to be marked as they racial biases as they truly are.
 
backslashbunny said:
Yes.
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Wrap it up

RandomHopeInc said:
Its the type of racism often swept under the rug, and dismissed, kind of like how Ok Cupid numbers show black girls get way less attention. Its a collective problem, hopefully media starts to grow better people. Most people that think this way today are more or less lost causes.
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As a white guy that's a damn shame because ebony women are goddesses

Black don't crack
 
LOL, 20 pages of the truth....hopefully it has made it across.

I'd sleep with any woman I'm attracted to no matter her race. Some gorgeous ladies of all colors in this world.
 
As others have said, attitudes are formed over time. Through media and your surroundings. That takes place over years. People should really step back and analyze their thought processes and why they think an entire race is unattractive. Why don't you want to evaluate your thoughts?

And don't even bring sexual preferences into this. Because the gay community has problems when it comes to representation. When you represent a white muscled male as the ideal, people internalize that. There's racism in the gay community. And fetishism.
 
I would say I'm not attracted to 90% of black girls I see on dating sites/apps. I'm sure my preferences are in some way shaped by institutional racism, but it's not the same as being consciously and overtly racist. Obviously it's not a good thing either, but I'm not sure how to change a deeply rooted preference like that.
 
smisk said:
I would say I'm not attracted to 90% of black girls I see on dating sites/apps. I'm sure my preferences are in some way shaped by institutional racism, but it's not the same as being consciously and overtly racist. Obviously it's not a good thing either, but I'm not sure how to change a deeply rooted preference like that.
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Recognize that a lot of our media portrays black people negatively and associates traits common in black people as undesireable. Then just give yourself time to undo these biases. It really is something that with time can be relaxed.
 
I think most times this situation is racist but there might be some legitimate cases for not wanting to date someone of a particular race that have nothing to do with how they look. I can't really think of anything though. Maybe if your family will literally kill you for it.
 
There are people in every race (including your own) that people will subjectively find attractive or unattractive. That's not racist. However, saying "I would never date [insert race here] girls/guys" is racist. That's what it boils down to.You're making the assumption that you wouldn't be attracted to that person just because of their race, and that's not cool IMO.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
Do you know why this is? Because race is a social construct. It's not a description of what a person looks like. That's why this is stupid. No you're not racist. All you need to do is release the dumb idea of what a black person or asian person looks like and realise that attraction is not a box.
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One of the many reasons why this isn't a "preference" discussion and why bringing up "It's ok to have preferences" is a joke in this instance. If the OP said the following:

My friend told me that he doesn't find dark brown skin as attractive as other skin tones. When I asked him why he gave no clear reason. Is the mere act of this racist? I always go back and forth on this.
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This would be acceptable for a preference discussion and it would at least be "arguable" if this was racist or not as the friend is clearly defining a physical characteristic that A) is not specific to any one ethnic group, B) isn't stereotyping an entire group of people by the physical characteristics the person finds less attractive, C) does not exclude people within the ethnic group(s) that don't have this physical characteristic and D) Isn't describing refusal and/or hatred towards a group solely from what ethnic group/social label they fall under.
 
Two Words said:
Recognize that a lot of our media portrays black people negatively and associates traits common in black people as undesireable. Then just give yourself time to undo these biases. It really is something that with time can be relaxed.
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Yeah I'm sure that's a part of it. Spending more time around black people would definitely help.
 
Wamb0wneD said:
Exactly. It's sad to see then that a lot of people in here don't see a difference between the two.
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I've been around planet earth long enough to know that when we are talking about race anything the 2 may as well be interchangeable for 90% of the audience. That may bug people but I still haven't heard a good explanation as to why a social construct that is forever changing can shape a total perception of what a diverse group of people look like.

It is and always will be horseshit. It's just a bunch of people not wanting to be associated with racism so they wanna change the rules. It's so transparent.
 
I think the most racist thing is putting a shitload of people on the same group of people based on physical appearance.

I understand not liking wavy hair but there are black people with straight hair.

Hell there are black gingers with pale skin

It is like saying you don't date a trans woman. The only thing the United all of them and you cannot find anywhere else are a microscope chromosome.

Saying a heritage or a microscopic detail might influence your sexual preferences is AT BEST pretty assholeish
 
Pretty stupid question in the OP to be honest. What are you trying to achieve with these kind of questions? What's next?

"hey guys, so, let's say, i have a "friend" who uses the N word sometimes and we go to meetings where we all use white hoods and burn crosses, that makes him racist guys?"
 
I didn't care what race someone was, if I liked them, and we had good chemistry it was a go. People saying that they wouldn't date people of a certain race probably never met enough people of that race to get all googly eyed and full of butterflies for one.

It's like saying you'd never date a made up race, let's say the elf people from Lord of the Rings, you wouldn't because you will never meet enough to find one you connect with. Btw, made up races are actually different species compared to different race labels that we divide ourselves with. Ask a white person what are they as far as genealogy, "Oh I'm 24% Italian, 3% German, 30% Greek, I have some Finnish in me, and blah blah blah."
 
Fercho said:
Pretty stupid question in the OP to be honest. What are you trying to achieve with these kind of questions? What's next?

"hey guys, so, let's say, i have a "friend" who uses the N word sometimes and we go to meetings where we all use white hoods and burn crosses, that makes him racist guys"
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It gets better though...

Supast4r said:
Oh I don't care for an answer from the gaf because I already have my own opinion on the matter. I wanted to get meaningful discussion about this topic going but it's just devolved into an echo chamber.
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It wasn't actually a question OP wanted answered, it was just posted for the shits & gigs..
 
Yes, but it's backed by society (for example in the u.s. white supremacy, where other races are taught to be less or hold no value, and therefore your're never attracted to them in the first place).
 
Supast4r said:
My friend told me that he could never date a black girl. When I asked him why he gave no clear reason. Is the mere act of this racist? I always go back and forth on this.
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Initially, i'd say no.....but "refusing" suggests something different from "not being attracted to".

I know black guys who say they "don't really date black girls". But I also understand the reasoning, at least in his own specific context. It's way more of a cultural thing than a physical thing.

Me, I personally don't understand people who can't see the wonder in every race. Women are fucking amazing.

but to each his own i guess.
 
Fudgepuppy said:
I just realized that I misunderstood the post I quoted. I apologize, it was stupid of me.

I took it as him essentially saying "You need to find everyone of every race attractive to not be racist".
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This is a very weird misreading to have, because yes that would mean you have to be attracted to literally everyone period which of course nobody would be arguing.
 
Tony Redgrave said:
It's racist and bullshit as well, most of those people would date someone of the race they so vehemently reject if the person in question was extremely good looking and in a favourable social position.
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It's not racist or BS at all! People are allowed to have preferences.
 
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