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Best tips to get ahead at workplace?

ThatStupidLion

ThatStupidLion

Member
How do you properly work office politics?

What are your pro-tips to command respect and authority at the office?

How can one improve their work persona and get ahead.

Lay it out there.

I wanna stomp some skulls on my way up
 
You need the be alpha from the start. I never let anyone talk shit to me or even to joke on my account.
Be agressive to these types of jokes from the start. Then they'll see you're not a man to be messed with.
You need to be a piece of shit. Two faced one. Be good with co workers but then talk shit about them when you're with upper management/boss.
That is the only way. Don't let people give that usual fictional mumbo jumbo that you can succeed through hard work bla bla, you can't.
Only by being a pos you can. Are you willing to sacrifice your morality to succeed? Only you can answer that.
 
I am so glad this is as far away from my world as can be... I hope this thread is sarcastic because otherwise I'd think it's time for some good old and honest selfreflection...
 
haven't the simpsons taught you anything??

tenor.gif
 
Elektro_Demon said:
You need the be alpha from the start. I never let anyone talk shit to me or even to joke on my account.
Be agressive to these types of jokes from the start. Then they'll see you're not a man to be messed with.
You need to be a piece of shit. Two faced one. Be good with co workers but then talk shit about them when you're with upper management/boss.
That is the only way. Don't let people give that usual fictional mumbo jumbo that you can succeed through hard work bla bla, you can't.
Only by being a pos you can. Are you willing to sacrifice your morality to succeed? Only you can answer that.
Click to expand...

What a load of bullshit. This is a fast way to make sure no one respects you, and will never help or trust you.
 
In all seriousness, the best way is to find ways to make yourself indispensable and impossible to replace.

Aside from your normal workload, offer to do something on the side that no one else will do and don't tell anyone how you do it.
 
Don't get drunk at team building or work events.

Don't fuck someone you work with.

Don't confuse work friends with real life friends.

Look out for yourself first, don't be a "great" friend and cover for them, lie for them or always be on their side with any work drama. High chance when salary or promotions are around they won't do the same for you.

Infact don't get involved with drama at all.

Do the work, don't make scenes and double check your own work is correct, you don't want to be the one always making mistakes.
 
Bullshit your way to the top. Be so bad that you get transferred to a higher/better positions. They do this so they can get rid of you without actually firing you.

Edit: Seriously, if you can't move up, look for a different company with a higher title.
 
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Make a claim that's moderately impressive but entirely unverifiable. Like you hold the long jump record in your high school or some shit like that
 
King of Foxes said:
Don't get drunk at team building or work events.


Do the work, don't make scenes and double check your own work is correct, you don't want to be the one always making mistakes.
Click to expand...
It's shocking to me how many people get away with both of these and keep their jobs.
 
I wish I knew how to answer this, I thought i did, but at my last job when I wanted to get fired so I could claim unemployment as opposed to resigning, I stopped doing my work and wouldn't do more than the bare minimum of 2 task items a day, started coming into work high and going to the bar on the corner on my lunch break for my liquid lunch every day, calling out at least once a week and ended up quitting when I only dropped down to second place in production and was offered a promotion to management. Before this I used to joke Office Space is a realtime documentary corporate america training video, now I'm just not joking around when I say it.
 
I've been working in the same building since 2005 for a company that's been bought out twice since that time. I was laid off once during the first company purchase and brought back 2 months later with a 10k a year raise.

I don't know how to get ahead, I only know how to survive and persist. If I wanted to get ahead I would have to be better at being dishonest and playing politics.

I have maintained a career by doing one thing. MAKE AN EFFORT. More often than not when I gave my all and found others half assing it was completely to my detriment rather than my benefit. I grew up in a blue collar family with a construction working father, the only thing I know about work is HUSTLE and if you don't hustle like me, I don't respect your work ethic. This too has been to my detriment rather than my benefit.

In my personal opinion working hard and being honest are secondary to playing politics and working hard as minimally as possible if the goal is to get ahead.

I don't like liars or lazy people, so I'm content working hard and telling any coworker to verbally fuck off whenever I want to and still collect my paycheck every 2 weeks. Honest work is rewarding but never as rewarding as being a shady piece of shit backstabber.

(I am a perfect example of why you play politics, right or wrong)
 
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DS_Joost said:
Do your work right and be an actual decent human being.

If those two don't get you higher up, you've got a shit job.
Click to expand...

lil puff said:
In all seriousness, the best way is to find ways to make yourself indispensable and impossible to replace.

Aside from your normal workload, offer to do something on the side that no one else will do and don't tell anyone how you do it.
Click to expand...


Basically what I was gonna say.

If you're in an environment that rewards office politics then it probably kinda sucks there for everyone except the boss.
 
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Be at work early and never leave right at quitting time. But don't over commit. Work life balance is important.

Have treats at or near your desk - people from all levels will gravitate towards these and start sharing and talking with with you.

Be helpful, flexible and have a positive attitude. Especially during difficult times.

If shit is hitting the fan be ready with solutions. Don't ever complain or bring up an issue unless you have solutions. Nobody likes the bringer of bad news. If you can take ownership of an issue and implement a solution this will really cement your position in the company as a problem solver and someone who cares.

Share interesting articles and knowledge about your industry with co-workers and direct management.

Find a way to save the company money.

Organise or suggest organising an activity outside of work such as trekking. If you can add on a charity angle that might be close to the CEO or someone in Senior Management this will get your name mentioned at that level.

Dress smart at all times and try and have some fun with co-workers to show that while you are a professional you have a fun and endearing side to your personality. Be someone that people want to spend time with.

To build trust NEVER lie. Even when you have fucked up. Do not lie, take ownership and sort out the problem. This shows leadership and that you can be trusted even in difficult times.

Don't play the blame game or participate in that culture or office discussions. Rather be the person offering solutions. Turn negative things in the working environment into positive opportunities to allow you to show what you can do.
 
-don't be a complainer. Management hates complainers and they know who they are. Be as positive as you can be in front of your coworkers and management. Confide only in people you really trust to not spread your frustrations around.

-same shit, different office. There's always going to be something. Don't focus on the bullshit because it never goes away. Stay above it and focus on results.

-be likeable, meaning the kind of person you'd miss if they left. My buddy told me in the staff meeting held right after I gave my notice last year there was gasp and "oh no!" when it was announced. I can't think of a single person I feuded with or had beef with in my department, even the ones I didn't particularly care for, because I know how to play nice and get shit done rather than squabble over minutia. Check your ego, get results you can demonstrate to the people that count, and stay away from drama.

-change companies. Not always, but often this is the best way to get paid. Companies count on you not wanting to take a risk and venture out somewhere else, which is why they can keep promotions every couple/few years and have you on that 3% merit increase in between. Oh darn revenue is down, make it 2% this year and be grateful you weren't laid off!

Ah, no, go somewhere else. Your experience is valuable to someone who needs it and they'll happily pay for it in this job market

-don't ever burn bridges. I got my current job with a huge raise because two former coworkers from almost a decade ago recommended me for it as we've kept in touch and I've always tried to be on good terms with my former employers/coworkers. My last VP said she'd take me back in a heartbeat if for whatever reason the new gig didn't work out. I gave ample notice, and spent many extra hours toward the end to ease the transfer of my work to other people, and remained available for additional questions weeks after I left. I still talk to my old management regularly and have no problem pointing them in the right direction because who knows when I'll need them (or vice versa)

Just don't be a cock. Do quality work and own your mistakes.
 
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heckmanimation said:
How do you properly work office politics?

What are your pro-tips to command respect and authority at the office?

How can one improve their work persona and get ahead.

Lay it out there.

I wanna stomp some skulls on my way up
Click to expand...

It's an office job, not exactly testosterone central. Just try to look like you can fight your way out of a wet paper bag 👍
 
- Never talk shit about the brass. It always gets back to them. Stay on everyone's good side.

- Always do your job to completion. Never hand shit off unless it's absolutely necessary and expected. If you work in tech this is very important. Make sure your shit works. No one likes that one guy/girl who's apps and scripts or whatever always needs to have a second going over to make sure it works. No one wants to do your job for you. Halfassing things is the easiest way to insure you're never promoted.

- Never be seen as the person leaving early first on a Friday or a day preceding a holiday. All it takes is one middle manager to witness this one time and suddenly you're the guy "who is always leaving early". The lazy one. I've seen it happen to people so many times.

- Don't even bother engaging in the petty office politics common to meetings and what not. Don't get angry. Stay on message, only speak up if you have something worth saying or to correct someone, etc. If you're unhappy don't get mad, find a new job. The only people who ever come out on top in office political battles are the people whose jobs are secure from nepotism, or are already so high up in the food chain they can shit on anyone. You think you're hot shit with your six figure salary and cool job title? That asshole middle manager whose uncle is a VP can have your job just like that. Just leave the politics alone.
 
Like my boss told me "wear the shirt of the job you want". That's what he said when he started gearing me up this month for when he retires this year. He has me doing things I am not paid to do but he said I need to wear the shirt for the job I want. Meaning I need to demonstrate and show I can get his job done.

Course soon as he started talking about retiring openly a year ago I told him, his boss and the HR rep that I want his job and that if they had any suggestions on what I need to improve on to please let me know and they responded to that. Course my bosses response was "ok we will see how you do. I'm going to keep piling shit on you and sit back and criticize the hell out of you" so all I can do is push through it until he is satisfied.

Elektro_Demon said:
You need the be alpha from the start. I never let anyone talk shit to me or even to joke on my account.
Be agressive to these types of jokes from the start. Then they'll see you're not a man to be messed with.
You need to be a piece of shit. Two faced one. Be good with co workers but then talk shit about them when you're with upper management/boss.
That is the only way. Don't let people give that usual fictional mumbo jumbo that you can succeed through hard work bla bla, you can't.
Only by being a pos you can. Are you willing to sacrifice your morality to succeed? Only you can answer that.
Click to expand...


I'm guessing major facetiousness there. But there is a certain measure of truth there.

At work I am friendly to people and talk to them, but I also dont let people joke about me and I dont do it to them either. I find if you let people fuck around then others start doing it and if you let it go far enough they dont respect you. I try to be approachable to co workers but I also dont let them think I am one of them and "cool" because they will think you'll let them get away with shit, or when you speak about something they may blow it off when you're trying to be serious.

But now no one questions me at work except my boss. If I say something that's the end of it. 95% of the people here think I am a manager despite me never once even hinting I was one and treating me like one, but I'm not. But it's because I dont fuck with people but I dont let them fuck with me. I can be nice to them and considerate but I also have to stand above them if I want be paid above them.
 
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Be extremely positive, likeable, work hard but not too hard, and be professional (i.e. don't hit on chicks, don't go on tirades, etc.). Don't throw other people under the bus because you got lazy or fucked up. This might work a few times but it pisses everyone else off and that matters.
 
lil puff said:
In all seriousness, the best way is to find ways to make yourself indispensable and impossible to replace.

Aside from your normal workload, offer to do something on the side that no one else will do and don't tell anyone how you do it.
Click to expand...
This is the best advice.
 
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Never complain about something without also being prepared to suggest a solution.

Always be on-time if not early to meetings. Don't be the first person to leave the office every day.

Be polite and respectful to everyone, even people you may not like or agree with. You don't have to be friends with everyone... you're just there to get the job done.

Never focus on getting something done quickly without thinking about the long term consequences (speed vs quality).

Make sure that you're always learning something. Technical skills, how to behave in certain situations, communication skills, who to trust, leadership skills, etc... If you're not learning at work then feel free to do some reading or studying on the weekends.

When you're working on something don't just focus on the piece that was assigned to you. Keep the big picture in mind and how your piece fits into that. Try to understand things start to finish, not just the bubble that you work in.

There are a lot of people that work in an office. You don't have to be the smartest. You don't have to be the most popular. You don't have to compete with your coworkers. Just be the best that you can be and make sure that you put in the effort.

If you don't like your boss, don't complain or get negative... just wait a year or so and you'll probably have a new boss anyway (at least at my company).

Don't depend on others to get your job done.. Be able to complete your work independently and as you get better than you can also help/mentor others as well. A good person can get the job done... a great person can get the job done and also makes those around them better as well.

Take initiative and suggest ways to improve things sometimes. If you see something that needs to be done, don't wait for someone to tell you to do it or for someone else to come along and take care of it... act like the company is yours and go ahead & get started on it yourself.
 
Elektro_Demon said:
You need the be alpha from the start. I never let anyone talk shit to me or even to joke on my account.
Be agressive to these types of jokes from the start. Then they'll see you're not a man to be messed with.
You need to be a piece of shit. Two faced one. Be good with co workers but then talk shit about them when you're with upper management/boss.
That is the only way. Don't let people give that usual fictional mumbo jumbo that you can succeed through hard work bla bla, you can't.
Only by being a pos you can. Are you willing to sacrifice your morality to succeed? Only you can answer that.
Click to expand...
Calm down there, Galvin Belson.
 
lil puff said:
In all seriousness, the best way is to find ways to make yourself indispensable and impossible to replace.

Aside from your normal workload, offer to do something on the side that no one else will do and don't tell anyone how you do it.
Click to expand...


This is terrible advice. Management often doesn't know what's important or who is indispensible. Offering extras just ensures more work.


1: have above average social skills and looks and use them to charm your boss

2: pursue credentials and get a better job when you get them.

There are alcoholics and drug addicts who in many organizations will get promoted before you even though they don't do a great job consistently because they are more charming and spend most of their work time exaggerating whatever work they did or claiming credit for stuff other people did.


Edit: Also if you really know things your boss doesn't and he knows that he will just have IT record what is on your monitor for awhile and figure it out.
 
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Be on time. Always.

Communicate a ton, find bonds with people, do favors, help others out.

And most importantly.

Learn to look ahead, and act on what's to come before it comes.

You're expected to solve problems, but those things above go a long way.
 
Also, learn to not focus too much on getting ahead in the workplace. Look outside, life's too short and too precious to work your balls off for someone who doesn't even know your name.

For me, work is work. And life is life. People who say don't leave too early, I say fuck that. 5 o'clock is 5 o'clock. If you want me to stay longer, pay me to stay longer. Even at jobs that I like. I don't work for free, for nobody. I don't find that lazy. That's a myth that needs to die. You give up time in exchange for money, that's what work boils down to. That's the system. I like that system to be fair. I work, you pay. Don't disrespect my time and I won't disrespect you. If I am at work, I do my job. Just don't try and wrinkle every last drop from me. Respect goes both ways, people tend to forget that.

I also don't pick up the phone at home, and don't participate in Group Apps. Fuck that noise. Once I am home, work can burn down for all I care (hypothetically speaking of course).

If I do overtime, it's because I wanna help out my coworkers. Not for the company, not for my boss, not for my paycheck, but purely to help people out, because I like them.

People who fuck me over to get ahead I will confront directly without fucking office politics. Just act like a decent human being. The bosses like that you guys squabble over shit, it makes you more productive without them having to do shit. It makes you look like a brainless moron who doesn't have a life outside of "the company". I have zero respect for those braindead suckers.

Then again, I work at a library helping people as surveillance. Great job, and the fact I do my part to help people have a good time studying and reading (actually helping society instead of selling shit to people) makes me content with my position. Never been a career guy. Don't understand it. There's better things for me to do in life than to chase a meaningless job title. Like reading, and studying things that might not help me up the corporate ladder, but make me feel better as a person outside of work. So many people are so stuck on their jobs they forget to live life.

Usually those are the ones getting the burn-outs too. They forget to reward themselves and instead push themselves further into something that will never make them feel happy. Because it's meaningless, mostly. Unless you really fucking love your job, which I highly doubt for most of you

I want to pay my bills and have time left to enjoy life, rather than wasting it climbing the corporate ladder. This isn't to bash people here, maybe just a different perspective. I see many unhappy people around me on the verge of burn-out because they don't know that maybe they're worth more than just what's on their resume.

Maybe I'm not the best person to ask for advice...
 
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Taxexemption said:
This is terrible advice. Management often doesn't know what's important or who is indispensible. Offering extras just ensures more work.
Click to expand...
Agreed, this is bad advice.

If you work on 'indispensible logic' then you are doomed to never make progress.

Staff, no matter how stellar their performance, should never think they are indispensable. For one thing, it's simply not true. For the other it lulls them into complacency.
And, should a company/manager regard a member of staff as indispensable then it says something about the quality of that company/manager.
It also means that indispensable person is going to be kept in that role to which they are indispensable, stifling chances of progress.
 
Based on some of my successes/failings as well as watching those around me:

1) Always put in your best effort in everything you do, no matter how basic the task. Don't settle and continue to things "cause that's how they're always done - Look for ways to improve it. Just try fucking hard everyday.

2) Work friends 9/10 are NOT real friends. Help out, be friendly, be the person everyone can talk too but keep your personal distance.

3) Don't shit talk anyone to a co-worker, ever. Be the person who never has a bad word to say about anyone. You'll be surprised how it can save your ass if some dickass attempts to throw you under the bus.

4) Don't ever complain. About anything. To anyone you work with. Ever. For any reason. Just don't fucking do it. Negativity is a fucking seed.

5) Don't bullshit and just be your real self. You know that feeling you get when you know someone is phony? That's what everyone feels when you're not being real. Phony people are easy to spot. If you can see it, well so can other people.

6) If you are a happy and funny drunk then get shitfaced with your boss. If you aren't a happy funny drunk just have a few drinks inbetween glasses of water and keep your shit locked down.

7) If you have a sense of humor, use it but never punch down to those below you.

8) Mentor those below you or new peer hires. Show them the ropes, inspire them to do better, help them avoid pitfalls. Sure you'll help a douchebag or douchebagette succeed a bit but you'll also have the support of everyone else you've helped. This is leadership.

9) Don't be fucking aloof.

10) If you ever feel uncomfortable or anxious in a room or a presentation stop; take a breath; look around you surroundings, absorb them; get comfortable and then continue. Have you ever seen someone nervous at the beginning of a presentation, take a moment to centre themself and then kill it? It's fucking impressive. Do that.

11) Never EVER fuck someone at work no matter how "cool" you think they are. It kills careers. It ends badly and ruins reputations. You can never recover from it at that job. Trust me, I know.
 
go into your boss or CEO's office, tell them to get the fuck out, tell them to do one.

act like you are cutting a mid 80's WWE Promo anytime you have to explain yourself

scream at random......

make people fear you so they never ask you to do anything

never make friends at work, this means when they leave it won't affect you. emotions and humanity and the connection you feel is worthless

be the first one in and the last one out, in fact, NEVER Leave, tell anyone who des that they are weak

try not to sleep. or if you do take a power nap and assert dominance
abandon your family, friends old life... work is all you need.

don't respect anyone who has been there for years, treat them with utter contempt

grill fish in the microwave.

touch the thermostat change the temperature.

don't do any work just appear to be working, run about with a clipboard look busy, you'll be promoted.

practice staring in an unblinking way... do it to everyone..


alternatively Nealand Liquor Nealand Liquor has the right advice :)
 
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This probably is no longer relevant to today's workplaces and not for everybody, but this really worked for me.

Be a smoker.

You get into this little social club that cuts through age and rank in the company (and you get more breaks). You get to interact with people in different departments that you would never have the opportunity to do otherwise outside of small talk in the break room. Once they kicked all the smokers outside it worked even better!

I gave up smoking a long time ago, but whenever I started a new job I'd start smoking again during work just to get in with this group. Then once I had the IN then I'd "Give up" smoking and have the respect of that group for "Making it".

Of course you have to be good at your job and also follow the game plan of the other suggestions in this topic for it to be effective.
 
I used to only say good things behind everyone's back, so no one noticed I was a lazy pos. Maybe it won't get you promoted, but work will become more pleasant
 
refer to pink floyd's song dogs

"You gotta be crazy, you gotta have a real need.
You gotta sleep on your toes, and when you're on the street,
You gotta be able to pick out the easy meat with your eyes closed.
And then moving in silently, down wind and out of sight,
You gotta strike when the moment is right without thinking.

And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.
You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,
So that when they turn their backs on you,
You'll get the chance to put the knife in."

^that'll get you there
 
Hinedorf said:
I've been working in the same building since 2005 for a company that's been bought out twice since that time. I was laid off once during the first company purchase and brought back 2 months later with a 10k a year raise.

I don't know how to get ahead, I only know how to survive and persist. If I wanted to get ahead I would have to be better at being dishonest and playing politics.

I have maintained a career by doing one thing. MAKE AN EFFORT. More often than not when I gave my all and found others half assing it was completely to my detriment rather than my benefit. I grew up in a blue collar family with a construction working father, the only thing I know about work is HUSTLE and if you don't hustle like me, I don't respect your work ethic. This too has been to my detriment rather than my benefit.

In my personal opinion working hard and being honest are secondary to playing politics and working hard as minimally as possible if the goal is to get ahead.

I don't like liars or lazy people, so I'm content working hard and telling any coworker to verbally fuck off whenever I want to and still collect my paycheck every 2 weeks. Honest work is rewarding but never as rewarding as being a shady piece of shit backstabber.

(I am a perfect example of why you play politics, right or wrong)
Click to expand...
Excellent post. This kinda reflects my career as well.

I got over the working hard decades ago. The game is to pretend you are working hard.
I still get my work done. The hard part is taking a deep breath and not getting pissed at the people who I KNOW are straight up shit at what they do, and their incompetence ends up on my plate.

I won't tell any coworker to fuck off, but if you piss me off, your shit goes to the bottom of the pile. I always have the last say, and I do it with a smile.

It will never cease to amaze me how the average worker won't lift a finger for the simplest things. Everyday, all day I am in shock at how some people even get jobs.
 
Taxexemption said:
This is terrible advice. Management often doesn't know what's important or who is indispensible. Offering extras just ensures more work.


1: have above average social skills and looks and use them to charm your boss

2: pursue credentials and get a better job when you get them.

There are alcoholics and drug addicts who in many organizations will get promoted before you even though they don't do a great job consistently because they are more charming and spend most of their work time exaggerating whatever work they did or claiming credit for stuff other people did.


Edit: Also if you really know things your boss doesn't and he knows that he will just have IT record what is on your monitor for awhile and figure it out.
Click to expand...
This is terrible advice that earns me 6 figures over 2 decades. In NYC.

The places I work cannot risk firing me because I bring intangibles.
Even when I tried once to quit, I was offered a raise I could not refuse.
Right now, they want to make me a manager, but I don't want that stress.

The point IS that management doesn't know. You convince them of what they need and prove it.
 
Clear your mind of that which doesn't matter.

Have a sense of the reward.

Let the promise of a long-term reward guide you.

Work at a high quality.

Don't phone in sick if it's 'manflu'.
 
Be open and honest about personal and professional development & goals with your boss. Be nice to your coworkers and try to find amicable solutions in times of conflict.
 
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