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How to prevent porch piracy

Papa

Papa

Banned
Imagine you've ordered some testosterone pills from Amazon and some giant ass walks up and steals them from your porch while you're out. I dunno about you but I've got zero time for that and the situation calls for extreme measures. Any ideas on how to prevent this porch piracy? I saw this glitter bomb idea on YouTube but I'd be worried about the bomb accidentally going off early, burping glitter everywhere, and gravity causing it to get into every crevice of my porch.

 
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brap's dad said:
Imagine you've ordered some testosterone pills from Amazon and some giant ass walks up and steals them from your porch while you're out. I dunno about you but I've got zero time for that and the situation calls for extreme measures. Any ideas on how to prevent this porch piracy? I saw this glitter bomb idea on YouTube but I'd be worried about the bomb accidentally going off early, burping glitter everywhere, and gravity causing it to get into every crevice of my porch.

Click to expand...

What's the testosterone pills for? Feeling a little moody and libido down?

As for the question
  1. Require a signature or add delivery instructions. ...
  2. Have packages delivered to your office or neighbor. ...
  3. Have packages delivered to a hub or retail location near you...
 
We did this crazy thing in our neighborhood. We made friends with our neighbors and we each grab each other's packages when we see them. Crazy, I know.

No one hit since we did it. However, one did a car stolen!
 
Trogdor1123 said:
We did this crazy thing in our neighborhood. We made friends with our neighbors and we each grab each other's packages when we see them. Crazy, I know.

No one hit since we did it. However, one did a car stolen!
Click to expand...
just cause you know them doesnt mean its ok to steal though
 
I have everything I order delivered to me at work, I don't trust the deliverers to find my door or my neighbours to leave things alone.

Just last week I got home and there was a package at the foot of my door, for the apartment down the hall from mine. He's lucky no one stole it. I noticed him and his GF outside when I was coming into the apartment, so I ran down to give him the package. Only the girl is there now, I'm holding the package, and I'm like "Is that guy you were with from 205?" and she gets all shifty eyed and says no (I know she's lying because I've seen the guy enter 205 many times). I'm like, oh ok because this was delivered for 205 at my door, just wanted to hand it to him. She's like oh yeah that's him, sorry I said no this place is sketch. Dumb broad do I look like I'm trying to rob you with a delivery?
 
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My next-door neighbor once had a package on their porch for 3 days straight. Never got stolen. I don't really know why or how, but I would love for porch pirates to get coronavirus first and worst.
 
UPS never rings the doorbell when they come here. They didn't even require a signature for my $1,000 iPad Pro either. But the worst thing is FedEx. I ordered a phone from AT&T last year and I found it on my porch with the box opened and it was like a $900 phone. Pissed me the fuck off.
 
Nymphae said:
I have everything I order delivered to me at work, I don't trust the deliverers to find my door or my neighbours to leave things alone.

Just last week I got home and there was a package at the foot of my door, for the apartment down the hall from mine. He's lucky no one stole it. I noticed him and his GF outside when I was coming into the apartment, so I ran down to give him the package. Only the girl is there now, I'm holding the package, and I'm like "Is that guy you were with from 205?" and she gets all shifty eyed and says no (I know she's lying because I've seen the guy enter 205 many times). I'm like, oh ok because this was delivered for 205 at my door, just wanted to hand it to him. She's like oh yeah that's him, sorry I said no this place is sketch. Dumb broad do I look like I'm trying to rob you with a delivery?
Click to expand...

Toronto?
 
No one dares to steal jackshit from our porch, because we has none at the Penthouse floor. Follow suit and do what the Rock did ... move to a Skyscrapper. All the arseholes in one place, but at least it´s safer and clean.

Here someone trying to steal my PS5. Not worth the risk.
 
I get around the problem by having a fence in front of my deck with a locked gate.

DESTROYA said:
What's the testosterone pills for? Feeling a little moody and libido down?
Click to expand...

It's pretty good for general heart health, or so I've been told. When I took care of elders for a living, cardiologists would frequently prescribe either testosterone supplements (normally an aspartic acid base, so either sex could take it) or have them come in once a month for a watered down steroid shot. I've heard tale that the second one is useful for younger folks who require warfarin treatments.
 
Amazon will let you pick a day to have your package shipped. I usually do Saturday when I know I'll be home and not at work.
 
Never have a problem, living on a small military installation, but I thought about it in the past. Maybe put up a decoration such as a fake wall or something that the deliverers could put a package behind? Or provide a box? Sure, it wouldn't stop the most determined, but out of sight out of mind, and nobody is going to go fishing around, they want to get in and out.
 
We don't have this kind of problem in Brazil since we, by default, think everyone is a potential thief. That's why delivery is only made directly to the person who lives in the house or, in my case, I live in a building and the staff gets my stuff and store it and they call me to tell me to pick it up.
 
Recently got a Ring. Takes video of the front porch and has a wifi connection for communication with the cellphone.

We can talk to the thieves as they take our packages now. It's a treat!
 
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a.) wait in the bushes armed
b.). buy a guard dog
c.) lay a trap (several videos on that on youtube)
d.) have someone waiting at home when the delivery is made
e.) all of the above

This seems to be a US problem mostly.
Most delivery companies where I live require a signatur, and if you are not home will just leave a small note saying that they will try again mext day, and if that fails you have to pick it up at their delivery-center.
 
1. Get some white laxative pills
2. Crush them into a fine powder
3. Seal it in a small plastic bag, in an unmarked box
4. Leave the box on the porch whenever you expect a delivery

Next time someone steals from your porch you'll have the happy knowledge they'll spend their afternoon shitting through their nose.
 
This thread ain't about package thieves. So many hints in the OP and none y'all gettin it. I'm more ashamed of you gaffots than I am of my farnsgoth son.
 
brap's dad said:
This thread ain't about package thieves. So many hints in the OP and none y'all gettin it. I'm more ashamed of you gaffots than I am of my farnsgoth son.
Click to expand...
I'm surprised your "porch m@nkey" joke is still up.
 
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