Windom Earle
Member

Look here, sweet baby, I am Sam Lake! You might remember my one and only facial expression from Max Payne—because, let’s be real, it’s the only one I’ve got. And since Remedy can’t make a game without stuffing it full of my self-insert nonsense, Alan Wake 2 has become my personal playground. You wanted a tense, immersive horror experience? Too bad! You’re getting my goofy mug in every possible scene , shattering any sense of atmosphere like a brick through a window.
Acting? Oh no, sweet baby, that’s not my thing. I deliver the natural charisma of a malfunctioning animatronic, yet I insist on shoving myself into pivotal roles like I’m the next coming of Hollywood. And because I know I don’t have the voice to back up my wannabe hardboiled persona, I bring in James McCaffrey to compensate—because nothing says gritty like outsourcing all my actual presence to someone else.
But let’s be real, my true dream? I want to be Kojima. I want to be a mysterious auteur, a larger-than-life visionary who gets showered with praise for it. The only problem? Kojima can actually pull it off.