Yeah. It isn't like the guy went out of his way to find info. about Endymion or see each other in [such a small] town.
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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
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Yeah. It isn't like the guy went out of his way to find info. about Endymion or see each other in [such a small] town.
I still think it's a fair amount of sketchy! The guy was partying with his brother (not sure if that would mean they're close friends) and the fact that both of them are out of the closet? Idk, people are sketchy as hell when they know you're in the closet, and try to take advantage of it.
If I was in the closet and someone who isn't my age messaged me about this, it'd make me alert, but then again I used to be pretty paranoid when I was younger.
And King Endymion, I take it the gay scene is bad? I'll be moving to Norway with the hubby on August, and even if we are not clubbers (at all), it'd be fun to go out together from time to time. But he says it's pretty terrible (not-Oslo area but around it).
If I was in the closet and someone who isn't my age messaged me about this, it'd make me alert, but then again I used to be pretty paranoid when I was younger.
And King Endymion, I take it the gay scene is bad? I'll be moving to Norway with the hubby on August, and even if we are not clubbers (at all), it'd be fun to go out together from time to time. But he says it's pretty terrible (not-Oslo area but around it).
Unless he's ugly. Then it's creepy as fuck. lolol
Sounds like you are still a bit paranoid. ^_^
Guys
is there any way for me to use my super twink powers to get my straight friend a girlfriend? ._. He's a great guy, and I want to hook him up with an equally awesome girl.
The thing is, I kind of... am one of those gay guys who just doesn't like girls. I don't make friends with them too often because in this part of the states, the "fat liberal bitch who wants gay friends as trendy accessories" is really common ._. So I can't exactly hook him up with a female friend.... damn it .-. I duno what to do. Maybe I'll go clubbing with him once I turn 21 and throw him all my bitches.
is there any way for me to use my super twink powers to get my straight friend a girlfriend? ._. He's a great guy, and I want to hook him up with an equally awesome girl.
The thing is, I kind of... am one of those gay guys who just doesn't like girls. I don't make friends with them too often because in this part of the states, the "fat liberal bitch who wants gay friends as trendy accessories" is really common ._. So I can't exactly hook him up with a female friend.... damn it .-. I duno what to do. Maybe I'll go clubbing with him once I turn 21 and throw him all my bitches.
You have to know an awesome girl first.
Use the adorable powers to lure the girls to you and let him work up the nerv to step in and say hey. And you can be "Oh this is my friend
"OK Endymion, I am gonna pull a fernoca here: PICS!
(not THAT was creepy!)
About being paranoid: I am reaching to a point where I am not caring that much anymore [I think]. Life is short and it's all about common sense and balance: what's appropriate to share and with who, while still being private enough to not feel uncomfortable later.
Well, what exactly is his life story? How many details (or really personal stuff) did the friend know?
I think Endymion might be generalizing a bit. Did the brother share that much? Maybe he did, maybe he didn't... He was drunk after all.
I could probably say "I know the life story of [friend|acquaintance]", but that wouldn't make it exactly creepy or true: I could be talking about where is the person from, where did he/she go to school, where does he/she live, if he/she has family or friends [in common], plus any other info. that wouldn't be exactly a shocker.
Do you see my point?
1999-2012 is a lot of years, and he didn't know him? I don't know, my group of friends isn't the same as my sister, but ive met almost all of hers, and viceversa.
Not saying this guy has an altar with pictures of him, but it seems kind of awkward to tell him out of the blue those kind of things (maybe he's just socially awkward, who knows).
And I'm the first one to advocate for following your heart, hell, I declared my love to my boyfriend through my FFXI character, doesn't get creepier than that! I just think that it's easy for someone older than you to use your situation inside the closet as some leverage, and that's what's scary.
Not saying this guy has an altar with pictures of him, but it seems kind of awkward to tell him out of the blue those kind of things (maybe he's just socially awkward, who knows).
And I'm the first one to advocate for following your heart, hell, I declared my love to my boyfriend through my FFXI character, doesn't get creepier than that! I just think that it's easy for someone older than you to use your situation inside the closet as some leverage, and that's what's scary.
King Endymion
Member
He does not know my brother, he just happened to party with him once, they might share mutual friends though, I dunno. They are one of the well-known families where I live, but I didn't recognize him at all. I, who live several miles outside the village, is not well known anymore (I kinda was back in 1999, so I guess that's why he knew of me, but remembering my mother's name and stuff was a little weird...)
I don't think I have ever met him in my life, and apparently he is checking me out in the Supermarket all these years knowing who I am, lol.
He went on to say that since he isn't out he doesn't want a bf yet, just fuck buddies, and since I'm not into that, he wasn't keen on continuing chatting, haha.
Sofo: The gay scene is probably not bad, I'm not into it though. Never been to a gay bar/club at all, but if it's a decently large city, it should be alright anywhere in Scandinavia. Even though heads turn when two guys are dating, people generally don't care too much.
I don't think I have ever met him in my life, and apparently he is checking me out in the Supermarket all these years knowing who I am, lol.
He went on to say that since he isn't out he doesn't want a bf yet, just fuck buddies, and since I'm not into that, he wasn't keen on continuing chatting, haha.
Sofo: The gay scene is probably not bad, I'm not into it though. Never been to a gay bar/club at all, but if it's a decently large city, it should be alright anywhere in Scandinavia. Even though heads turn when two guys are dating, people generally don't care too much.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Use the adorable powers to lure the girls to you and let him work up the nerv to step in and say hey. And you can be "Oh this is my friend
Dat gay wingman/fishing combo.
King Endymion
Member
Hehe, that should be sufficient enough to have a few nice places.
Anywho, I think I'm going crazy, I think I'm really falling for a guy for real for the first time, me, of all people. To make matters "worse", he's apparently falling for me to. The problem is that he lives in'Norway, and I don't want a distance relationship. :/ I'm not even comfortable with myself feeling the way that I do. :s
Hehe, that should be sufficient enough to have a few nice places.
Anywho, I think I'm going crazy, I think I'm really falling for a guy for real for the first time, me, of all people. To make matters "worse", he's apparently falling for me to. The problem is that he lives in'Norway, and I don't want a distance relationship. :/ I'm not even comfortable with myself feeling the way that I do. :s
Then cut it before it's too late for regrets. Harsh, but practical.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
At least both countries share ties, so I assume the job and career recognition will be easier, no? And I don't know where in Norway/Sweden, but it's not that much of a distance!Hehe, that should be sufficient enough to have a few nice places.
Anywho, I think I'm going crazy, I think I'm really falling for a guy for real for the first time, me, of all people. To make matters "worse", he's apparently falling for me to. The problem is that he lives in'Norway, and I don't want a distance relationship. :/ I'm not even comfortable with myself feeling the way that I do. :s
I'm not encouraging you to it, because a distance relationship can be hard sometimes and it isn't for everyone, but it would be a shame letting it go to waste for a mere fear.
Then again, you don't feel comfortable with your feelings, so uh, idk!
This post is a roller-coaster of advices.
King Endymion
Member
I do appreciate your advice, all if you. I do think about ending it before my feelings gets the best of me. :/ Still can't get over the fact that I get happy whenever I see a message from him and my stomach feeling all tingly when I think of him. :/
I don't remember how long it is between us, I think it was 3.5 hours, don't know if it's including the ferry ride or not though. ^^
Why I'm not comfortable with myself is because I'm pretty inexperienced, I don't do the whole love thing well. :/
I do think about ending it before my feelings gets the best of me. :/ Still can't get over the fact that I get happy whenever I see a message from him and my stomach feeling all tingly when I think of him. :/I don't remember how long it is between us, I think it was 3.5 hours, don't know if it's including the ferry ride or not though. ^^
Why I'm not comfortable with myself is because I'm pretty inexperienced, I don't do the whole love thing well. :/
Long time lurker in the thread, first time poster, etc.
I just need to vent something, and hopefully get some advice. I apologize for how long this is, but I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about all this.
I'm 26, not totally out, not into the bar/club scene, so I exclusively use the internet to meet guys. I met this guy on OKCupid - 21, college student, pretty smart, really nice guy. His profile said he was bisexual and fairly religious. Those are normally red flags for me, but he seemed really nice, so we talked online, then through text. He wanted to meet up one night last week after his classes.
We went out to dinner and I realized we had a lot of stuff in common. We went for a drive afterward to a place that overlooks the bay. We talked for like an hour, mostly about his confused feelings (ie - raised Catholic, fairly religious/conservative family). He told me he had sex with one girl 3 years ago, and I gathered that he's been with a decent amount of guys. He said he recently dated two girls but felt absolutely nothing. At one point I went in for a kiss. Next thing I know, we'd been making out for 20 minutes. It was awesome. We kept talking and making out, and I know for sure he felt something (he was fully aroused). We didn't do anything beyond that because we're both looking for something serious, not a hookup. I had an awesome time, and I was definitely falling for him.
We met up again two nights later, and did the same thing. We went out to dinner, then he wanted to drive out to the same place as last time. We talked, listened to music, then started making out. We were both fully aroused and grabbing at each other's junk, so I took things a step further and blew him (yes, in my car). He seemed really surprised by it, but he never tried to stop me. After he'd climaxed (in under 5 minutes), he said something along the lines of, "That's not what I was looking for." So apparently it was too soon to do that, and he obviously didn't reciprocate. At this point, I felt like a total idiot. Like I said, I was really falling for him - I could see myself in a relationship with him or falling in love with him. I wanted things to go perfectly, and I felt like I fucked everything up by moving too soon. We talked about it a little bit, and he said everything was fine, but I still felt like an idiot, and I was really, really embarrassed.
I don't deal with embarrassment very well. So I ended up kind of shutting down - I became really quiet, and didn't want to talk to him or look at him. I felt like an idiot. I drove him back to his car in near silence. When I got home, I realized how that must've seemed, so I texted him. It took a while, but I made him understand I wasn't mad or anything, that I was just really embarrassed and didn't know how to act. I asked if we could forget it ever happened and that I wanted to keep seeing him, and he agreed to both.
Over the next few days, he became distant. He was very noncommittal about making plans. He took hours to reply to my texts. I sent him a message on OKCupid on Sunday (too long for texting) just to re-explain what had happened and that I wanted to keep seeing him. He texted me that it was "one hell of a message" and that's the last I heard from him.
I went on OKCupid this morning, and he changed his profile to Straight. I messaged him there and texted him that I understand he's confused, and if he wants to talk to me I'm willing to listen. I haven't heard back yet, but he might be in class.
So... I'm at a loss. He was the first guy I've dated that actually made me feel anything. Like I have that funny feeling in my chest whenever I think about him. I don't know what to do. We definitely had a connection, and I'm hurt right now. If he doesn't reply, do I keep trying to talk to him? Was he just a game player? I'm so confused right now.
I just need to vent something, and hopefully get some advice. I apologize for how long this is, but I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about all this.
I'm 26, not totally out, not into the bar/club scene, so I exclusively use the internet to meet guys. I met this guy on OKCupid - 21, college student, pretty smart, really nice guy. His profile said he was bisexual and fairly religious. Those are normally red flags for me, but he seemed really nice, so we talked online, then through text. He wanted to meet up one night last week after his classes.
We went out to dinner and I realized we had a lot of stuff in common. We went for a drive afterward to a place that overlooks the bay. We talked for like an hour, mostly about his confused feelings (ie - raised Catholic, fairly religious/conservative family). He told me he had sex with one girl 3 years ago, and I gathered that he's been with a decent amount of guys. He said he recently dated two girls but felt absolutely nothing. At one point I went in for a kiss. Next thing I know, we'd been making out for 20 minutes. It was awesome. We kept talking and making out, and I know for sure he felt something (he was fully aroused). We didn't do anything beyond that because we're both looking for something serious, not a hookup. I had an awesome time, and I was definitely falling for him.
We met up again two nights later, and did the same thing. We went out to dinner, then he wanted to drive out to the same place as last time. We talked, listened to music, then started making out. We were both fully aroused and grabbing at each other's junk, so I took things a step further and blew him (yes, in my car). He seemed really surprised by it, but he never tried to stop me. After he'd climaxed (in under 5 minutes), he said something along the lines of, "That's not what I was looking for." So apparently it was too soon to do that, and he obviously didn't reciprocate. At this point, I felt like a total idiot. Like I said, I was really falling for him - I could see myself in a relationship with him or falling in love with him. I wanted things to go perfectly, and I felt like I fucked everything up by moving too soon. We talked about it a little bit, and he said everything was fine, but I still felt like an idiot, and I was really, really embarrassed.
I don't deal with embarrassment very well. So I ended up kind of shutting down - I became really quiet, and didn't want to talk to him or look at him. I felt like an idiot. I drove him back to his car in near silence. When I got home, I realized how that must've seemed, so I texted him. It took a while, but I made him understand I wasn't mad or anything, that I was just really embarrassed and didn't know how to act. I asked if we could forget it ever happened and that I wanted to keep seeing him, and he agreed to both.
Over the next few days, he became distant. He was very noncommittal about making plans. He took hours to reply to my texts. I sent him a message on OKCupid on Sunday (too long for texting) just to re-explain what had happened and that I wanted to keep seeing him. He texted me that it was "one hell of a message" and that's the last I heard from him.
I went on OKCupid this morning, and he changed his profile to Straight. I messaged him there and texted him that I understand he's confused, and if he wants to talk to me I'm willing to listen. I haven't heard back yet, but he might be in class.
So... I'm at a loss. He was the first guy I've dated that actually made me feel anything. Like I have that funny feeling in my chest whenever I think about him. I don't know what to do. We definitely had a connection, and I'm hurt right now. If he doesn't reply, do I keep trying to talk to him? Was he just a game player? I'm so confused right now.
I do appreciate your advice, all if you.
I think one of the most important questions you have to ask yourself (and him as well) is are you willing to move. If not (no matter if it's 3 months or 5 years from now), then there really isn't any point in pursuing a long distance relationship. Furthermore, I wouldn't recommend it either if you're relatively new to dating. The level of maturity required to maintain such a relationship is enormous, whatever warm fuzzy feeling you have right now is nothing compared to the kind of anxiety and stress involved.
Unfortunately, I think it's best you just move on. We can make all sorts of conjectures as to what happened, but the fact of him shutting down is a pretty good indication that he's no longer interested or at least not wanting to deal with it. I know it's hard to get over someone you felt a genuine connection with but then flakes out on you for inexplicable reason. Just know that it happens, more often than we care to experience. Don't let it get you down
My greatest disappointment with gay friends is that they've never hooked me up.
I'm no expert on gay/girl relations, but I gather if you just smooze a little with the ladies then pitch your friend as a great guy that's all that's required. Hopefully, it should get her willing to at least talk to him and I know I would be very happy with just that.
I'm probably one of the worst people with relationship advice... but I'll give it anyways. That's the nature of the internet right?
I'd say it would probably be good to back off a little. I think you've said what you could and pressing more might push him away. It sounds like he's still coming to terms with his sexuality and you can't really hurry that process up on your own. If you felt a connection between the two of you then it's possible he felt the same and after he's had some time to calm down he may contact you again.
How long has actually passed since the second incident? If it's been less than a week, I'd just sit on it.
King Endymion
Member
I really, really appreciate your advice, thank you.
I do have thought about moving, and right now, it's unthinkable for me to move, I have my friends and family 19 miles away (where I'm planning to move pretty soon), since I have met a great guy who has become my best friend there, I don't want to leave, doesn't feel like anyone else understands me the way he does. But at the same time, I know it's foolish to plan my life around friends ahead of love and stuff...
I can't ask him about it yet, in case it freaks him out so early on, but he has a great job there and stuff, so I imagine him not wanting to move. :/
I don't know if a lot of what I feel is because he is a bit more subtle and not pushy at all, he's not the "i wanna fuck you"-type, but more "i just want to hold you"-guy, and I'm so weak when it comes to those guys..
Tritroid
Member
Hi guys,
Small update to my situation (I was the one being toyed with by the narcissist, serial cheating, etc.): It's pretty much all come to an end. On one hand I'm relieved, on the other, I have this gaping void in my heart that I'm desperately trying to fill. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it's pretty accurate.
I'm completely depressed, as I don't feel I'll ever hit that point again with another guy. I'm losing hope that I'm attractive enough or that I'm getting too old now to even have a chance to find that love that I felt. I know deep down that his actions are fueling the cause of me thinking this way...but I can't help it.
I'm at such a loss here, I hate feeling so awful and alone.
Small update to my situation (I was the one being toyed with by the narcissist, serial cheating, etc.): It's pretty much all come to an end. On one hand I'm relieved, on the other, I have this gaping void in my heart that I'm desperately trying to fill. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it's pretty accurate.
I'm completely depressed, as I don't feel I'll ever hit that point again with another guy. I'm losing hope that I'm attractive enough or that I'm getting too old now to even have a chance to find that love that I felt. I know deep down that his actions are fueling the cause of me thinking this way...but I can't help it.
I'm at such a loss here, I hate feeling so awful and alone.
Just hang in there buddy. Break ups are never easy on anyone and although you feel terrible now, you'll see that with time you'll start to feel better and eventually will look back on this period of your life and know it was for the best.
It won't come tomorrow but you will eventually find someone with whom you'll have an amazing relationship and will be treated right.
I think this video pretty much nails it when it comes to explaining why you feel like shit right now. Like I said, hang in there, it'll get better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyqAtkPa0QY
Don't blame yourself for anything. If he really didn't wanted for you to blew him he would've said or done something.
You've already explained things to him, contact him; ..you did your part. He hasn't replied back and so far, haven't shown any interest in keeping not even an online friendship.
So, well..move on as they say.
You did your part, don't feel bad; just take care and be cautious of similar guys along the way; that will stop talking to you the moment "anything sexual" happens.
And wellcum to the thread.
Pictures are mandatory (shirtless) and nudies go to my private message inbox.
AceBandage
Banned
Based on what you wrote, it seems to me that he's still struggling with his sexuality and what happened between the two of you scared the hell out of him. So now he's conflicted, and most likely scared that he actually enjoyed it. Again, if he didn't want to be blown, he would have stopped you before it happens.
I think the best thing you can do right now is to leave it alone. Sometimes saying or doing too much can just push the person even further away (in this case it might have already happened). But I learned that the hard way. If he really is interested, he'll contact you, but for now let him sort his feelings out. And in the mean time, try to get over it and move on. Chalk it up to experience. You'll find someone better suited for you and when that happens you'll be better prepared.
Don't beat yourself up about it though.. you just got caught up in the moment. And so did he. Happens to everyone.
Okay, so an update on my HIV scare, but first, responses to some people. Thank you so much, by the way. You guys are my only support about this.
I did just yesterday. More to come.
This was about 5 weeks ago, so if such a pill exists, it's too late now
Okay, so besides having all the flu-like symptoms back in January (no rash or extreme weight loss, but I did lose weight from a combo herpes outbreak/strep throat....I'm actually gaining weight now...is that a good sign?), this could or could not be attributed to my first herpes outbreak. I'm scared there is also HIV involved from this same incident, despite him telling me he was negative for everything. Can't trust people I guess.
Also I'm summarizing a lot of stuff, but here's what you need to know:
Most risky thing was unprotected oral sex. It's been about 5 weeks since my suspected first exposure. I got tested yesterday with a rapid HIV test and it came out negative. However, I don't feel any better about this because of the 3-month window period where it'll show up negative. I have to wait until MAY to know for sure. But even after 5 weeks and it showing up negative, what are the chances this 5 week test is mostly accurate? 30% accuracy? 80%? Anyone have any idea? I don't feel like I'm in the clear at all
What's also scaring me the most is a swollen lymph gland that won't stop swelling in my neck. Could be from being sick in January, but it should have gone down 1-2 weeks after I felt better. Since it's been 5 weeks and this is a sign of HIV, I'm really afraid.
What do you guys think? I'm so afraid
Between a herpes infection and HIV scare, this has totally and completely killed my sex drive. I think of sex and get disgusted now. All I want is to be with my ex-boyfriend in our loving relationship (first sexual partner and only one since this other guy one-night-stand who has put me through hell...I'm not an irresponsible promiscuous person, I swear). This, more than anything, has made me realize I'm still not over him
I did just yesterday. More to come.
I know there's a pill you can take within 24-48 hours of the "incident" to kill the virus. Not sure how long it's been for you, but that's an option. I had a friend who had to do that. Look into it. And YES, just go get tested regardless, please! I hope everything works out!
This was about 5 weeks ago, so if such a pill exists, it's too late now
Okay, so besides having all the flu-like symptoms back in January (no rash or extreme weight loss, but I did lose weight from a combo herpes outbreak/strep throat....I'm actually gaining weight now...is that a good sign?), this could or could not be attributed to my first herpes outbreak. I'm scared there is also HIV involved from this same incident, despite him telling me he was negative for everything. Can't trust people I guess.
Also I'm summarizing a lot of stuff, but here's what you need to know:
Most risky thing was unprotected oral sex. It's been about 5 weeks since my suspected first exposure. I got tested yesterday with a rapid HIV test and it came out negative. However, I don't feel any better about this because of the 3-month window period where it'll show up negative. I have to wait until MAY to know for sure. But even after 5 weeks and it showing up negative, what are the chances this 5 week test is mostly accurate? 30% accuracy? 80%? Anyone have any idea? I don't feel like I'm in the clear at all
What's also scaring me the most is a swollen lymph gland that won't stop swelling in my neck. Could be from being sick in January, but it should have gone down 1-2 weeks after I felt better. Since it's been 5 weeks and this is a sign of HIV, I'm really afraid.
What do you guys think? I'm so afraid
Between a herpes infection and HIV scare, this has totally and completely killed my sex drive. I think of sex and get disgusted now. All I want is to be with my ex-boyfriend in our loving relationship (first sexual partner and only one since this other guy one-night-stand who has put me through hell...I'm not an irresponsible promiscuous person, I swear). This, more than anything, has made me realize I'm still not over him
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Okay, so besides having all the flu-like symptoms back in January (no rash or extreme weight loss, but I did lose weight from a combo herpes outbreak/strep throat....I'm actually gaining weight now...is that a good sign?), this could or could not be attributed to my first herpes outbreak. I'm scared there is also HIV involved from this same incident, despite him telling me he was negative for everything. Can't trust people I guess.
Also I'm summarizing a lot of stuff, but here's what you need to know:
Most risky thing was unprotected oral sex. It's been about 5 weeks since my suspected first exposure. I got tested yesterday with a rapid HIV test and it came out negative. However, I don't feel any better about this because of the 3-month window period where it'll show up negative. I have to wait until MAY to know for sure. But even after 5 weeks and it showing up negative, what are the chances this 5 week test is mostly accurate? 30% accuracy? 80%? Anyone have any idea? I don't feel like I'm in the clear at all
What's also scaring me the most is a swollen lymph gland that won't stop swelling in my neck. Could be from being sick in January, but it should have gone down 1-2 weeks after I felt better. Since it's been 5 weeks and this is a sign of HIV, I'm really afraid.
What do you guys think? I'm so afraid
Between a herpes infection and HIV scare, this has totally and completely killed my sex drive. I think of sex and get disgusted now. All I want is to be with my ex-boyfriend in our loving relationship (first sexual partner and only one since this other guy one-night-stand who has put me through hell...I'm not an irresponsible promiscuous person, I swear). This, more than anything, has made me realize I'm still not over him
I don't really have any advice for you, but do you have a doctor that you can talk to? Like, maybe go in for a checkup and tell him all of your worries and concerns? Perhaps there's something they could do to check out your lymph gland?Just hang in there. I'm sure you're going to be okay. Try to avoid reading medical websites, as those can amplify a person's worries.
Larson Conway
Member
Ok, I'm confused. Help me out here, gaygaf?
There's this really good looking guy at the gym. He's tall, dark, handsome and all that shiz. Recently he's been looking my way a lot at the free weights section, the cardio area, practically every time we're in sight-distance. And he sustains eye contact, offering a coy smile even. I'm not too good with that. Thankfully by the time I got comfortable enough to respond with a smile from a distance, he'd still be offering the same.
So all's good...until I decide to come up to him before I head out of the gym. I got a glass of water before exiting and saw him sitting on one of the lounge area with a male friend (who I assumed was just a gay buddy because while they across each other, he'd still look at me smiling). So then I put on 20 seconds of courage and went up to him and introduced myself.
I said, "Hey, I'm [Larson]. Would you like to hang out sometime?" We shook hands. He was sitting, I was standing by his chair. I had my phone ready.
He didn't say a word. He just looked at me with, I don't know, a surprised derp look on his face, and waved his hand gesturing a "no thanks." [EDIT] So then I just gave him a smile and a nod in acknowledgment, smiled at his friend and proceeded to head out of the gym, feeling quite embarrassed. [/EDiT]
I mean, WTF? He'd been at it (trying to "connect" with me) for a couple of gym sessions now, and I tried to be friendly and warm about it by being decent enough to approach him. And I'm a bit pissed to get that response, to be honest. And honestly, I hadn't even considered having anything with this guy before, 'cause he looked too straight for me to even consider him gay. But then he started to initiate these glances and smiles and all, and I took it as some sort of prodding and encouragement.
Am I missing something here?
There's this really good looking guy at the gym. He's tall, dark, handsome and all that shiz. Recently he's been looking my way a lot at the free weights section, the cardio area, practically every time we're in sight-distance. And he sustains eye contact, offering a coy smile even. I'm not too good with that. Thankfully by the time I got comfortable enough to respond with a smile from a distance, he'd still be offering the same.
So all's good...until I decide to come up to him before I head out of the gym. I got a glass of water before exiting and saw him sitting on one of the lounge area with a male friend (who I assumed was just a gay buddy because while they across each other, he'd still look at me smiling). So then I put on 20 seconds of courage and went up to him and introduced myself.
I said, "Hey, I'm [Larson]. Would you like to hang out sometime?" We shook hands. He was sitting, I was standing by his chair. I had my phone ready.
He didn't say a word. He just looked at me with, I don't know, a surprised derp look on his face, and waved his hand gesturing a "no thanks." [EDIT] So then I just gave him a smile and a nod in acknowledgment, smiled at his friend and proceeded to head out of the gym, feeling quite embarrassed. [/EDiT]
I mean, WTF? He'd been at it (trying to "connect" with me) for a couple of gym sessions now, and I tried to be friendly and warm about it by being decent enough to approach him. And I'm a bit pissed to get that response, to be honest. And honestly, I hadn't even considered having anything with this guy before, 'cause he looked too straight for me to even consider him gay. But then he started to initiate these glances and smiles and all, and I took it as some sort of prodding and encouragement.
Am I missing something here?
You should NEVER EVER go right ahead and ask someone to go out with you in public places like gym. Even if said person has been staring at you, don't do anything until you're sure that you're the one he's looking at. And even if you do, you don't go to him and ask him if he wants to hang out with you. You start by asking if he can spot you or if he's using the weight nearby. You can then gauge his interest in you and his status better.
Also, no one likes being put on the spot like that at a gym. A gym is public place and even if there are a lot of gay guys, there are also some straight and possibly homophobic guys. By exposing him like that/propositioning him like that, you pretty much put him on the spot. Some guys just don't like to be on the spot whether or not they are already out in his life.
Larson Conway
Member
Rep, Kyon, ok... That's new information for me. Seriously.
I actually though being casual and warm (and not so obviously "discreet cos we gay") like the way I approached him would be something nice and refreshing for him. Oh well.
Do I avoid him next time I see him around? I imagine it would be a bit awkward. (And I never got his name!)
I actually though being casual and warm (and not so obviously "discreet cos we gay") like the way I approached him would be something nice and refreshing for him. Oh well.
Do I avoid him next time I see him around? I imagine it would be a bit awkward. (And I never got his name!)
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Maybe he was just trying to look pleasant whilst checking out your sweet gym techniques?
Damn that routine looks tight!! Look at the way the muscles flex, look at that ass!!.
But yeah, the "cardinal sin" was not only asking him in public, but while he was hanging out with a friend.
I'd say that if anything, just continue going to the gym and doing your thing. In the remote case he "got it" he might approach you and talk; in the worst case you'll be the laugh of he and his buddies.
Just act like nothing ever happened. The ball is in his court. You've pretty much already made your intention obvious. So let him come to you if he has balls. I won't hold my breath though.
Also, another warning for you: not all guys who stare at you are gay. Some straight guys do like being friends with guys that they consider cool and good-looking. It doesn't mean they want to fuck you. It just means they want to get to know you as a friend.
My current case: this guy has been staring at me like yours did. I didn't want the awkward glances to continue so after making sure that it was me that he looked at, I went up to him asking if he can spot me. Just by asking that, all of a sudden he became friendly and put his hand on my shoulder (I was a bit surprised by that to be honest, my mind went "Wow, back off there. Too fast") when he agreed to do it. Then he started asking me what happened to my arm, and I explained how I probably injured it during boxing and the convo just spiraled from there. Now I know that he's an avid gamer too. So I net myself a friend but neither of us have discussed our sex life yet.
Last but not least: you'll know if a guy is genuinely interested in you (be it as a friend or others) if the next time you meet, he's the one who makes bigger effort to talk to you. After all, you've done the hard work of initiating the convo. Anyone with balls and similar interest will return the favor to you the next time you meet.
Unfortunately, I think it's best you just move on. We can make all sorts of conjectures as to what happened, but the fact of him shutting down is a pretty good indication that he's no longer interested or at least not wanting to deal with it. I know it's hard to get over someone you felt a genuine connection with but then flakes out on you for inexplicable reason. Just know that it happens, more often than we care to experience. Don't let it get you down
Thank you all for the advice. He ended up replying to my text, and we had a long conversation over text (does no one talk on the fucking phone anymore, btw?).
He's just really confused right now. I don't know what the future holds, but he seems open to continue talking. I genuinely like him, so I'm fine being his friend if that's all it becomes. Or maybe more, but that's probably just wishful thinking. I'd move on, but there's literally no one on the horizon :-/
RatskyWatsky said:
If someone bigger/stronger/have better physique than you is staring at you consistently, it's not your sweet gym techniques he's looking at.
Been there, done that. Believe those who say there's no future in crushing on a guy who see himself as straight. All you're going to get is heartache. Better move on now while you're still ahead. He already knows you're interested and he has your number/contact. If he's interested, he'll come back. If not, then it's not meant to be. And yes, your first crush always feel like it's the one. It's not. You'll crush on many many other guys after this. Also, you don't really want to be his friend while you still have feelings for him. It'd kill you to see him often while he talks about how he sleeps with girls, etc, etc.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I agree, if the bolded is indeed the case, but was that even established? Tall, dark, and handsome doesn't necessarily mean he's in better shape.
True, true. Well, Larson, what's the guy is like? Is he bigger/more defined than you?
Way to kill my buzz."Life's a bitch and then you die."
SpaceBridge
Member
Also I'm summarizing a lot of stuff, but here's what you need to know:
Most risky thing was unprotected oral sex.
Hey sorry for the question, but what exactly was risky about this uprotected oral sex. Guys i know dont perform oral on a guy while he's wearing a condom.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Just get the flavored kind it's not so bad.
I want to taste flesh, not artificial sugar thank you very much.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
You sound like a cannibal.
>
edit: Just to clarify, I am not a cannibal. I just love the way my boyfriend's skin tastes. Okay... That still can be misconstrued. You know what I mean. lol
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Kind of silly to think there's no risks involved with oral, though it's certainly less than with anal. Condoms are't used during blow jobs because people don't want to. It's willful ignorance in an attempt to balance personal enjoyment with the chances of an issue later on.
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