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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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How do I treat a situation where someone is openly wanting me in his bed but knows I'm not bi even though he "knows" (or at least wants me to be) I am?

I wish I was making this shit up.
 
I am cynical enough that most of the 'It gets better' videos are just nice messages to me, but this one broke me. Manly non hetero tears.

San Francisco PD 'It gets better'.

Mush said:
How do I treat a situation where someone is openly wanting me in his bed but knows I'm not bi even though he "knows" (or at least wants me to be) I am?

I wish I was making this shit up.
Click to expand...

You say 'Hey man, fuck off'. Unwanted advances are rude no matter your orientation.
 
Masamuna said:
He shows his equipment on request. He had a little showing at the last gay bar and left a few guys flustered haha. He's extremely comfortable with his sexuality to the point that every gay guy asks why he's straight.

And yeah, i've seen it multiple times. The dude throws it on the table whenever I'm ahead in beer pong. Devious bastard.
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I just... I mean... even if I were... what?

Mush said:
How do I treat a situation where someone is openly wanting me in his bed but knows I'm not bi even though he "knows" (or at least wants me to be) I am?

I wish I was making this shit up.
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So, he's ignoring you when you tell him you're not bi?

Not a lot to go on here. Is this person a friend, colleague, friend of a friend? If it's someone you're not close to, being rude should do the trick. If it's someone you're friends with then explaining to them you're not interested should work even if they have it in your head that your something you're not. Explain how his advances make you uncomfortable and that you want him to stop it as well. I don't understand why he thinks your available when you said you weren't though.
 
Going to a party next thursday. Was youtubing and saw a guy who I used to travel to uni with in it. He's also a member of a LGBT youth club at a local gay cafe. So I decided what the hell, and texted him. Talked a bit, and turns out he's in the activity comittee and is actually organizing a party next thursday, and he asked me to come.

I just know I'm going to be nervous as fuck stepping in there, first time at a gay cafe and being openly out and all. Still, nothing a couple of beers can't fix. Nice atleast knowing one person. Just happy I finally found the balls to go.
 
GasProblem said:
Going to a party next thursday. Was youtubing and saw a guy who I used to travel to uni with in it. He's also a member of a LGBT youth club at a local gay cafe. So I decided what the hell, and texted him. Talked a bit, and turns out he's in the activity comittee and is actually organizing a party next thursday, and he asked me to come.

I just know I'm going to be nervous as fuck stepping in there, first time at a gay cafe and being openly out and all. Still, nothing a couple of beers can't fix. Nice atleast knowing one person. Just happy I finally found the balls to go.
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Congrats!! Its always nerve wracking the first time. You'll be fine. :)
 
Mush said:
How do I treat a situation where someone is openly wanting me in his bed but knows I'm not bi even though he "knows" (or at least wants me to be) I am?

I wish I was making this shit up.
Click to expand...

stop projecting your feelings onto sheep again, Mush.
 
Learn children


What is shade?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2lEtUqxg44&feature=related

What is Reading?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsnq1IzJD9I

Extended Lesson:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_mPXozlU6Y&feature=related

Life Lessons By Dorian Corey:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPlGVcZ9vGs

For reference: Dorian Corey was a drag matriach in NYC in 80's/90's. Nice bit of trivia:
Police found a dead body in her closet

Now for some post lesson dancing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59M-mFiGSPg&feature=related

"Now Prance"

Brought to you by your resident old fag, Space.
 
So I finally decided to make a move and signed up on a gay social/dating site. Right now I'm rather looking for a friend than a hook-up. Last time I did this (before my "coming out" here on GAF, which was the first time I openly spoke out about my orientation) I freaked up every time someone messaged me - usually I just signed off, and waited an hour or so while having a moral hangover that I've just ignored someone >_<. This time I think (hope) I actually meet someone.

The worst thing is, I'm horrible at one-on-one conversations with people I don't know :/ I dunno, I can talk on message boards for hours, but when it comes to a simple small talk conversation, I'm turning into one of those seemingly uninterested silent guys who just reply when questioned and speak in short sentences.

trimon said:
I told my sister! :D
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Congrats.

I'm planning to come out to my sister, when I visit her this summer.
It's weird, on one hand I want to confess to every person I know (which is unwise, I know), on the other hand I'm scared as hell :/.

MidnightScott said:
I am waiting for him to one day be together but I'm not gonna stop meeting other guys. (...) But I could feel that he really does care for me now.
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So, how exactly does that work? It seems neither of you are in a real relationship and both of you care about each other, yet you can't be together now because...?

Sofo said:
though I remember one time I was googling for porn (those were the times...) and somehow a program ended up on the desktop. It was one of those that would dial up once run, and I guess it was supposed to bill you that way. Worse was that I couldn't delete it. I can't remember how I got rid of it, but I think I did some sort of restore function. I believe this was on XP, and I was like 13 but had seen my sister do it before.
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The method was to open msconfig, uncheck the program from running in autostart, run Windows in emergency mode and delete the exe file from Windows folder. I know that, because... I had to do this after my parents checked a porn site ("just for fun", ofc ;)) on the first day we got Internet. And then I had to do this several times on my father's boss' notebook, because he "accidentally" clicked something ;).

Masamuna said:
This is the same straight dude that took me to a drag show on my 1st outing with him. Then another night of gay clubbing with the first stop being red head appreciation night and the second stop being my current stomping grounds (leather/bear bar).
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You're a lucky guy to have a friend like this.
 
Lucario said:
I invited a straight guy over my house, and he got here right as I opened a furry porn link cheezmo sent me ._.
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JAO9M.gif
 
Pretty devastated right now. Don't think I've ever met a more cowardly man in all my life :-(

Mt a guy 2 months ago, first few weeks were amazing, great sex, great time together doing stuff and going out, spoke to me every day.


Then I broach the subject and ask if he's seeing anyone (didn't think he was obviously, just wanted to kickstart a conversation on moving forward) and he claimed he had no time for relationships and that although he likes me he's not good at being in a relationship right now and doesn't want the stress and pressure of one. following 4 weeks have been me up set that was growing more and more distant, and him only the other day claiming he'd like to go back to how we were. Then I turn up at his house and he's with another guy. So I asked if we can talk sunday night online just so I can get some answers (as I'm very fucking confused) and then we can part ways.

Sent a text to me tonight 'Safe and home now, though it's nicer with you in it :-) xxx'

I asked him to explain himself, and he apologised for sending the text and that he can't answer my calls because he's at his mum (this man avoids all contact when he has to answer to himself)

So basically he's lied to me solid from the start. And now won't give me answers, pretending he's at his mums when the text before it claimed he was at home. Lied about not wanting a relatioship and the reasons why (going by that text he seems pretty loved up to me) lied about being busy, lied about ... everything.

The other explanation although I don't believe this as much, is that he knew he was sending it to me, and wanted it to be an end to everything and not have to speak to me again and explain himself.

Sorry to vent, I've never been treated this bad before, I've had my fair share of cowards but this is just, it's like he hates me, he's actually trying his best to hurt me.
 
Dynopia said:
Pretty devastated right now. Don't think I've ever met a more cowardly man in all my life :-(

Mt a guy 2 months ago, first few weeks were amazing, great sex, great time together doing stuff and going out, spoke to me every day.


Then I broach the subject and ask if he's seeing anyone (didn't think he was obviously, just wanted to kickstart a conversation on moving forward) and he claimed he had no time for relationships and that although he likes me he's not good at being in a relationship right now and doesn't want the stress and pressure of one. following 4 weeks have been me up set that was growing more and more distant, and him only the other day claiming he'd like to go back to how we were. Then I turn up at his house and he's with another guy. So I asked if we can talk sunday night online just so I can get some answers (as I'm very fucking confused) and then we can part ways.

Sent a text to me tonight 'Safe and home now, though it's nicer with you in it :-) xxx'

I asked him to explain himself, and he apologised for sending the text and that he can't answer my calls because he's at his mum (this man avoids all contact when he has to answer to himself)

So basically he's lied to me solid from the start. And now won't give me answers, pretending he's at his mums when the text before it claimed he was at home. Lied about not wanting a relatioship and the reasons why (going by that text he seems pretty loved up to me) lied about being busy, lied about ... everything.

The other explanation although I don't believe this as much, is that he knew he was sending it to me, and wanted it to be an end to everything and not have to speak to me again and explain himself.

Sorry to vent, I've never been treated this bad before, I've had my fair share of cowards but this is just, it's like he hates me, he's actually trying his best to hurt me.
Click to expand...

From what you've said, the bolded isn't true.

He may have lied about a bunch of little things, but from what you've shared it seems that he was honest about what mattered most: that he was interested in something casual and noncommittal, but that he wasn't looking for a relationship. If that is indeed what he said, you really can't be upset with him, or even confused.

It's understandable: television dramas and romantic comedies have conditioned people to believe that when someone says they don't want to be serious, that it really means they've been hurt in the past and need someone to break through some "shell" so their real desires for love and long-term commitment can come out. In reality, that's really not the case.

If a guy insists that he doesn't want something serious, 9 times out of 10 he's telling the honest truth.

I don't mean to be a dick, but it really sounds like you led yourself on here.
 
royalan said:
From what you've said, the bolded isn't true.

He may have lied about a bunch of little things, but from what you've shared it seems that he was honest about what mattered most: that he was interested in something casual and noncommittal, but that he wasn't looking for a relationship. If that is indeed what he said, you really can't be upset with him, or even confused.

It's understandable: television dramas and romantic comedies have conditioned people to believe that when someone says they don't want to be serious, that it really means they've been hurt in the past and need someone to break through some "shell" so their real desires for love and long-term commitment can come out. In reality, that's really not the case.

If a guy insists that he doesn't want something serious, 9 times out of 10 he's telling the honest truth.

I don't mean to be a dick, but it really sounds like you led yourself on here.
Click to expand...

Oh no, he lied. I asked several times for honest,y it's all I wanted, I accepted a relationship wouldn't happen and asked if we could just go back to the whole casual thing. He lied about being busy, he lied about there being anyone else, he lied about claiming he liked me in that way, he lied about not wanting A relationship (because that text sounds pretty lovey dovey to me)

All I wanted was some honesty to move on.

I do, to a degree think you're right, that I did myself no favours and lead myself on, but by not being honest with me over the last month, he's fed me a pack of lies that have contribuited to all of this. If only he was honest I would have called it a day some time ago now.
 
Dynopia said:
Oh no, he lied. I asked several times for honest,y it's all I wanted, I accepted a relationship wouldn't happen and asked if we could just go back to the whole casual thing. He lied about being busy, he lied about there being anyone else, he lied about claiming he liked me in that way, he lied about not wanting A relationship (because that text sounds pretty lovey dovey to me)

All I wanted was some honesty to move on.

I do, to a degree think you're right, that I did myself no favours and lead myself on, but by not being honest with me over the last month, he's fed me a pack of lies that have contribuited to all of this. If only he was honest I would have called it a day some time ago now.
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Well first, to touch on what Royalan said, were you looking for a relationship with him? What were your expectations when he said he wanted to keep things casual? Did you hope they were going to go somewhere later or were you just happy for the time you had? What did you want from it?

As to the second, I'm not sure getting any honesty from him will really make you feel any better. It doesn't change the fact that he lied or that he's unlikely to pick up where you left off. I think you're better off just moving on without talking to him again then waiting for something from him that will free you to move past this. He sounds like a jerk and you shouldn't need anything in order to drop him.

And if you feel he's been lying to you from the start, would you even believe him if he swore to honestly talk to you?

RatskyWatsky said:
Legend of Korra. People are already making GIFs and it's not officially out yet. ;_;
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I had to look that up. I didn't realize they were making a sequel to The Last Airbender.
 
i_am_ben said:
stop projecting your feelings onto sheep again, Mush.
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Welp, I can't come back from that.

The guy I'm referring to is an old school friend. I caught up with him late last year after crossing paths at a local music gig, in which during the course of the night he came up to me and whispered in my ear "I'm gay." It took me by surprise as I although I knew a few friends of friends who are gay, being someone who is 99% straight, I wasn't exactly expecting that. Since then, he's bought it up slyly every once in a while that I've seen him in person which isn't all that often.

Basically last night at a party thing on the beach he came up to me and placed his arm on my shoulder and asked me if was bi (which I'm not, but I have thought about it before) and asked me if I was sure, etc and I quote "I would take you home", which is flattering. As well as telling me that if I ever needed help I could talk to him. By then his head was resting on my shoulder. And my GF had just left (I had already explained to him that I just started seeing her).

I dunno, I just feel kinda bad that maybe I gave him false hope by saying that I wasn't "currently" bi or gay or whatever.
 
hxa155 said:
maybe next time :P

sorry for leaving the skype chat group all of a sudden, but my brother was using my laptop and found out about it cuz stupid me forgot to log out >.>
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I was wondering where you went. We thought somebody said something bad about you. What did you brother say?
 
Met a guy for the first time through a dating site yesterday, he knew I only wanted to meet as friends, and I knew he was interested in more, but respected my decision since I'm currently interested in someone else.
It was an interesting day, considering I have never ever hung out with a gay guy before, and I have to say I have never felt so relaxed and more like myself in all of my life. <3
Didn't start out well though, he picked me up in his car, 5 minutes later, we got into a fender-bender, but the rest of the day was awesome, we hung out for 7 hours, he took me to a movie and paid for me (I refused, but he wasn't listening, but I didn't want it to be any kind of date :(), I guess since I was so comfortable with him, I kinda sent out the wrong signals, and he started to play with my fingers during the movie, and I let him. :/

He was awesome though, and I want us to be great friends, so does he, and he invited me over next weekend since he has the house to himself, kinda cautious about doing it, even if I want to. :/

Meh, there is my drama, sorry if I'm too annoying, haha. :)
 
hxa155 said:
maybe next time :P

sorry for leaving the skype chat group all of a sudden, but my brother was using my laptop and found out about it cuz stupid me forgot to log out >.>
Click to expand...

He was poking around or was the Skype window in full display? What conversations did he see?
 
^ I actually just watched a bunch of 'gay' movies today. It's something totally new to me still and I watched:

Denied - Kid named Troy likes a party boy who, while doing stuff with him, doesn't want to get emotional or admit he's gay. Atrocious audio and video quality, but damn does the story hit home and boy is it sad. I appreciated it for what it was.

Shelter - I liked this one a lot too. Except the actor that plays Shaun is horrible and I wanted to punch him every time he talked.

Latter Days - About a Mormon boy falling in love with a 'party' boy and dealing with the repercussions of being gay in the Mormon church (ex-communicated, therapy, etc.). Odd combination between campy movie and really emotional drama. Still enjoyed it, though.

So those are #'s 2,3,and 4 of gay movies I actually checked out and started watching after Dare.
 
umop_3pisdn said:
Wong Kar-wai's Happy Together is probably my favorite.
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Yep, mine too. I'm a fan of being emotionally destroyed by movies, though.

The short film Souly linked to was cute. It's interesting how a lot of gay film, particular the more DIY/indie ones, have disabled characters as a central focus.
 
sruckus said:
^ I actually just watched a bunch of 'gay' movies today. It's something totally new to me still and I watched:

Denied - Kid named Troy likes a party boy who, while doing stuff with him, doesn't want to get emotional or admit he's gay. Atrocious audio and video quality, but damn does the story hit home and boy is it sad. I appreciated it for what it was.

Shelter - I liked this one a lot too. Except the actor that plays Shaun is horrible and I wanted to punch him every time he talked.

Latter Days - About a Mormon boy falling in love with a 'party' boy and dealing with the repercussions of being gay in the Mormon church (ex-communicated, therapy, etc.). Odd combination between campy movie and really emotional drama. Still enjoyed it, though.

So those are #'s 2,3,and 4 of gay movies I actually checked out and started watching after Dare.
Click to expand...

I've seen Shelter from those you listed. That one often gets praise because it is feel-good instead of the typical AIDS AND DIE theme lots of gay movies have, haha. But I remember not liking it regardless, because of poor acting mainly.

Generally, gay cinema seems to consist of only 2 types of movies: either dramatic stories with bad artsy fartsy scripts and bad acting, or movies that don't even pretend to be good and just give you as much sexy scenes as possible. Only consistency? They all feel really low-budget. Not a fan of them. :)

Looking at the list of movies that deal on some level with homosexuality, I like:

- Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
- Mysterious Skin
- C.R.A.Z.Y.
- Milk
- TransAmerica

That's basically it. :)


Edit: haven't heard of Happy Together before.
 
umop_3pisdn said:
Same, I think it's often a more powerful form of escapism, at least for me.
Click to expand...

That makes sense, really. I'm probably guilty of using some movies (hello, Bergman and Bresson) as an emotional outlet because there are so few instances in my life where I've been able to experience these feelings legitimately.

...And speaking of feeling like crap:

On March 12, 2012, the hashtag #ToMyUnbornChild became a trending topic. People used this hashtag to "tweet to" their future child. Here are 100 real tweets from real people — all within 24 hours — saying they would murder their child if he or she was gay.

http://storify.com/homophobes/100-homophobes-who-would-kill-their-gay-child
Click to expand...
 
Cosmic Bus said:
That makes sense, really. I'm probably guilty of using some movies (hello, Bergman and Bresson) as an emotional outlet because there are so few instances in my life where I've been able to experience these feelings legitimately.

...And speaking of feeling like crap:
Click to expand...

People will tweet just about anything these days won't they?
 
Cosmic Bus said:
That makes sense, really. I'm probably guilty of using some movies (hello, Bergman and Bresson) as an emotional outlet because there are so few instances in my life where I've been able to experience these feelings legitimately.
Click to expand...

Yeah, me too. And also I think it has to do with the human tendency to reject painful things, if something is both painful and holds verisimilitude it can seem doubly honest or revealing in a way.


...And speaking of feeling like crap:
Click to expand...

That's fucked up. I guess its okay to murder him/her if he/she is your child and thus your property?
 
Cosmic Bus said:
...And speaking of feeling like crap:
Click to expand...

I know it's Internet and people post shit on the net all the time, but shouldn't death threats be illegal? Things like "I will burn you alive", "I will hang u", "I'll put a bullet in your damn skull" targeted towards a child, even if it is a "future" child, are really worrisome.
 
Mr_Zombie said:
I know it's Internet and people post shit on the net all the time, but shouldn't death threats be illegal? Things like "I will burn you alive", "I will hang u", "I'll put a bullet in your damn skull" targeted towards a child, even if it is a "future" child, are really worrisome.
Click to expand...

I would be terribly concerned if joke death threats to unborn children become illegal.
 
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