describe yourself
or link me to a profile. at the very least, we can play videogames online. Something european gay guys don't seems to care about these days....
Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
- Thread starter Replicant
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describe yourself
or link me to a profile. at the very least, we can play videogames online. Something european gay guys don't seems to care about these days....
Red Arremer
Member
describe yourself
at the very least, we can play videogames online. Something european gay guys don't seems to care about these days....
Sadly, I don't have a profile on any of those dating sites. =P
You can PM me whatever question you want; i'm terrible with telling people things about me, cause everyone has different expectations, haha. (Not to mention it doesn't belong here, sooooo. XP)
hell no, I have very regulars pics, I have a couple in Frack cause I get to dress like that when I play piano but you had to be nonsensical to think you'd date a guy wearing a Frack. I have an album with "random guy" pics, sitting in a bench with pretty boring clothes and unshaved for 3 days.
I am just being me, honest, I am not sure I should behave in any other way, as it wouldn't be me...
EDIT: All things said.. If I asked those guys, I think their short anwser would be " Nice, but not a match, good luck"..and It take time for me to come to terms with that I guess.
dragonlife
Member
Good on you for thinking like this. Honestly, indecision is something you shouldn't bother with when it comes to other guys in the early getting-to-know-them stages. Within reason, of course.
Being direct is a plus in my book. It's just... easier; simpler.
it's not easy though, I have been in the "other side" where one guy wanted desperately to begin a relationship right away, after one date.. I thought it was too soon for anything and decided to back off but I couldn't tell him right the next day because I didn't want him to think I was being rude and he was so incredibly happy about having met his soon-to-be boyfriend and life partner (-_-), that I didn't know what to do.. I had to wait for like 3 days before I told him.... in which case, maybe he would have appreciated if I had told him as soon as possible.. don't know.. but the problem with the "tempo" is always there.
I don't want a relationship with those guys I have recently met, but I do like them and wished we could explore a bit more... but their tempo/speed is slower than mine and I have to deal with that.
dragonlife
Member
I guess we differ in this regard. While I understand it's hard sometimes, I prefer to tell the truth and avoid any complications. Sometimes it's all in the attitude. Delivery is definitely key.
I don't think we differ, I just think it's easier said than done.
While you are getting to know the other guy, you are making up your mind and assessing the situation, at the same time showing some kind of genuine interest. To tell right away "sorry but no" after having flirted in your messages and in the real dates definitely leaves a bad impression, like you were playing games with them.
Maybe it's what you would prefer but there really no right timing to reject someone, damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Case 1: " WTF? some hours ago you kissed me, all of a sudden you're backing off? you asshole "
Case 2: " you made me search you for days sending messages and what not only to dump me some days thereafter? you asshole"
dragonlife
Member
Well, I did say within reason in my initial post. I took these situations into consideration, since they're obviously the building blocks that lead to the things I mentioned in my reply to your previous post. One isn't going to jump from point A to C without B (most of the time). And obviously all situations won't be the same, because everyone moves at their own pace, like the guy you mentioned before this post.
Basically, I'm saying I wouldn't let myself get to the point you did with the other guy. Yeah, it'll be a bit awkward because you're crushing someone's feelings, but I like to rip the band-aid quickly rather than slowly.
One personal example is when two of my friends told me they liked me and would like to date me. I had to let them down, but I did it in such a way that there was no awkwardness between us, even minutes after I had let them down. The next day it was as if nothing happened. We still talked and so on. And we're still friends.
These situations are just easy for me.
Red Arremer
Member
It's really difficult finding the right path, though. I'd argue you were lucky with those friends of yours, because they didn't react heartbroken. And well, one never knows fully how another person ticks, thus leading to the scenario of not knowing how to proceed.
dragonlife
Member
One did seem heartbroken. The other was a bit tsundere about it. I'm just good at turning situations around when I have to. Charm/smiles can do a lot, even if you don't mean it. You just have to be firm and reassuring.
I also took them out to eat and explained why I'd be a terrible boyfriend for them and so on. All smiles, of course. Giving people genuine confidence boosts while making yourself undesirable has worked for me. But, again, each situation is different and you can't use the same tactics. You just need to be able to adapt.
Red Arremer
Member
Well, I never was in the situation that someone fell in love with me while I didn't return the feelings; the last occasion of this was many years ago with my last boyfriend, and well, we've been separated for over 6 years by now. :V
Usually it's me who is getting rejected, anyway. So much so that it doesn't even bother me anymore. <.<
Usually it's me who is getting rejected, anyway. So much so that it doesn't even bother me anymore. <.<
dragonlife
Member
But you don't care that you get rejected, right? Not enough to let it affect you greatly, I mean. You'll feel the sting, but at least it's not a stab, so to speak. Right?
If so, more power to you. At least you try.
Red Arremer
Member
I don't even feel the sting anymore. I sigh, roll my eyes, and am like "Just like it always is, nothing new here".
dragonlife
Member
Rejection builds character!
I just spent like 40 minutes creating a character in the Dragon's Dogma demo.
I made this guy:
The result was surprisingly accurate!
The griffin battle was freaking fun.
Ohhh ic you. I made my big burly mage then made the smallest twinkiest warrior to aid me
Red Arremer
Member
Still waiting on that PM, sphinx. 
I remember when I played the demo, I made my archer dude really lithe and twinkish, and gave him a burly warrior as pawn. Too bad that guy's neck was so long that he kinda looked like some sort of ape, lol.
Ohhh ic you. I made my big burly mage then made the smallest twinkiest warrior to aid me
I remember when I played the demo, I made my archer dude really lithe and twinkish, and gave him a burly warrior as pawn. Too bad that guy's neck was so long that he kinda looked like some sort of ape, lol.
for me lately its been more the pure disappointment in certain people. The last 2 guys that I was "dating" and I use the term loosely because it didnt go farther than 3 or 4 dates, they insist they want to hang out and still see each other, even stay friends, but when it comes down to it, you give them the phonecall they know they were getting "oh no, I think im just gonna stay in blah blah"
One of them lives a block away from me, insists well hang out, super big flake.
dragonlife
Member
Is the demo available for Silver members yet? Or is this on PS3? Haven't turned on the 360 in ages, but will if only to try the demo.
Yeah, I would hate that, too. Saying you want to remain friends is all well and good, but you need to back your comments up. And even if someone stays in, they could always invite you over for games/Netflix/something. If they ask, the ball would be in your court then
Red Arremer
Member
It's on PS3 as well, I think, and the demo should be available for silvers in the upcoming week.
Still waiting on that PM, sphinx.
I thought I asked you first to describe yourself (via PM, obviously) and you responded to my petition with a petition, so I take it as if the ball is in your court still
And even if someone stays in, they could always invite you over for games/Netflix/something. If they ask, the ball would be in your court then
and speaking of that.. I always take care to be the last to have leave a message or a hint that I am interested, It's like a good way of putting feelings where they belong: on their side. If they care they'll responde if they don't then the feeling goes away with that last message.
Er... "<n> miles from <zip code>" is a search filter. You can make it 500+ miles, AFAIK.
I guess I should make another profile just for shits and giggles and maybe put a picture up. But I've got too many problems with meeting up with people. Why I'm going to be foreveralone.jpg
umop_3pisdn
Member
That approach seems kind of insincere to me. I rarely pursue people so I haven't been on the receiving end of it, but I don't think that people want to hear it unless it's really relevant to the situation. It's like claiming "it's not you, it's me", the relevant part isn't really how you might be lacking so much as if you want them or not. I don't know, the only time that approach doesn't make me feel somehow phony is if the things I'm saying are a more direct response to the question or particularly relevant to what I know they want out of a relationship
Like me saying that all my relationships tend to lack true intimacy, that I rarely know what I really want unless my feelings pierce me entirely and leave no room for me to question them, that I have a history of leading people on because I want to believe even if there's only a chance that my feelings might be substantial, and that my personal history has proven that if I'm vacillating in any significant way that that essentially means that there's just not enough there for me, though I may not even consciously recognize it... which is all unreservedly true. Presenting a reality of ourselves as undesirable seems kind of unfair in a way, though I'm sure most people don't object.
Though that said my take on this approach reflects my own deficiencies, I often don't know how I really feel about a situation, so the fact that I often don't trust myself to make a hard decision to spare another person the unneeded bullshit sometimes resulting from my ambiguous feelings is pretty telling.
I also think that I'm kind of misreading you, or my post might be somehow misrepresenting what you actually do. I think it's a common impulse to try to deflate their feelings in a way to spare both parties, so I'm probably addressing it in a general way more than anything particular to what you actually do. Maybe it was how I did it in the past, it made me feel dirty in a way that made me say "never again", like it's maybe selfish or emotionally manipulative though we may see ourselves as 'sparing' someone.
So if people aren't fans of okcupid, what do they use?
I don't have a cellphone so grindr really isn't an option. And like I mentioned, I've never seen a scene in my town. Like, no gay bars or anything. I haven't been in the dating game for years and am feeling a little out of my depth at the moment.
I don't have a cellphone so grindr really isn't an option. And like I mentioned, I've never seen a scene in my town. Like, no gay bars or anything. I haven't been in the dating game for years and am feeling a little out of my depth at the moment.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Find someone on GAF who lives near you and flirt incessantly.
Red Arremer
Member
CHEEZMO;37404095 said:
Or flirt incessantly with anyone on GAF.
CHEEZMO;37404095 said:
How you doing, baby? You're looking real fine today.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
dragonlife
Member
It's insincere if you want it to be or lack the attitude; however, my intentions weren't meant to be insincere, and I think I handle myself well. You misinterpreting is my own fault for not being clear on what exactly it is I do/did and only saying attitude/delievery is key. I explain terribly, but I'll give it a shot.
I've always been good at changing the "air" around a conversation, and I usually do this by aiming for the jugular of the topic at hand. Also, acknowledging awkwardness is a step I take as well. In fact, I sometimes purposely make the other person more awkward to rid the air of the initial bullshit, then ease them into tranquility. I definitely take charge of the conversation, because the other party would most likely be unsure of what to say and, frankly, some people need the help. Also, I was very firm when setting the meeting (Panda Express, in my case), but obviously I wasn't saying stuff like, "Oh, hey, let's go talk about why I'm no good for you, okay?" or anything like that. It was "Hey, let's go eat after school." "Oh, uh..." "Cool. Meet me at the gate." Pretty simple. Don't give them room to decline out of awkwardness, and don't as "ask," or they'll just worm out of it. If they genuinely can't go or they're adamant about not going, I just say something like, "Tomorrow, then."
When we were at the restaurant it was like every other time we went (my friends and I always went to Panda Express. /digression), so it's as if this was just another food date, but surely her mind was like "Fuck, fuck, fuck" or whatever you say when you're awkward on the inside. After a while of talking about stuff that happened at school/projects, etc., I brought up the elephant in the room. "By the way, your taste is terrible." *She looks at her plate* "Huh?" *Iwata: (laugh)* "I meant me
" "Oh..." Like the paragraph above, take charge of the conversation, but don't hog all the say. Learn when to stop and let others speak, or say something that puts the ball in their court. If they need help or are struggling, help them out. Sometimes for me that means being a confrontational joker "JEEZ. Learn how to talk, woman!" Yeah, it can be risky depending on the person, but punching them to the ground (aka making them more uncomfortable) and then helping them back up is a viable strategy for me, so long as they can tell you're joking with your initial comment. I'd rather not go into too much detail, but basically everything turned out great and we went to different stores afterward, and it was just another day for us. My brain can create dozens of scenarios and analyze the outcomes in seconds. That's why I find it easy to advance. Also, I'm a a bit of a sadomasochist, so choosing the wrong outcome and trying to fix it can be pleasant, too.
Breaking my heart Seks.
I-I-It's not l-l-like I like you or anything, moron.
*throws a box of chocolates at you and runs out of the room*
dragonlife
Member
>///>
umop_3pisdn
Member
It's insincere if you want it to be or lack the attitude; however, my intentions weren't meant to be insincere, and I think I handle myself well. You misinterpreting is my own fault for not being clear on what exactly it is I do/did and only saying attitude/delievery is key. I explain terribly, but I'll give it a shot.
I've always been good at changing the "air" around a conversation, and I usually do this by aiming for the jugular of the topic at hand. Also, acknowledging awkwardness is a step I take as well. In fact, I sometimes purposely make the other person more awkward to rid the air of the initial bullshit, then ease them into tranquility. I definitely take charge of the conversation, because the other party would most likely be unsure of what to say and, frankly, some people need the help. Also, I was very firm when setting the meeting (Panda Express, in my case), but obviously I wasn't saying stuff like, "Oh, hey, let's go talk about why I'm no good for you, okay?" or anything like that. It was "Hey, let's go eat after school." "Oh, uh..." "Cool. Meet me at the gate." Pretty simple. Don't give them room to decline out of awkwardness, and don't as "ask," or they'll just worm out of it. If they genuinely can't go or they're adamant about not going, I just say something like, "Tomorrow, then."
When we were at the restaurant it was like every other time we went (my friends and I always went to Panda Express. /digression), so it's as if this was just another food date, but surely her mind was like "Fuck, fuck, fuck" or whatever you say when you're awkward on the inside. After a while of talking about stuff that happened at school/projects, etc., I brought up the elephant in the room. "By the way, your taste is terrible." *She looks at her plate* "Huh?" *Iwata: (laugh)* "I meant me
My brain can create dozens of scenarios and analyze the outcomes in seconds. That's why I find it easy to advance. Also, I'm a a bit of a sadomasochist, so choosing the wrong outcome and trying to fix it can be pleasant, too.
Hmm I guess! I think I'm just ridiculously sensitive and someone revealing genuine vulnerability to me makes me direct that ridiculous sensitivity towards the other person unlike almost anything else. My sensibilities can be pretty fragile and insincerity repulses me so I've developed a fairly gentle and candid touch when empathy does occur. Speaking for myself I don't think I'd care for your approach much so I'm generalizing by applying that preference to everyone
Aww, you went out on a girl date. How cute.
I don't know, with girls I find all outcomes are generally wrong. I'm able to make the initial let down well, it's that they'll go home on their own and completely twist the situation and problem in their minds. They'll think back on the entire history and try and find where things went "wrong" or weren't right and come up with crazy explanations for it. Like, you were cheating on them, or you were always planning on dumping them and stringing them along or whatever. The only time I remained friends with a female ex was when she broke it off.
...You've lost me.
dragonlife
Member
Girls day out.
Still waiting on that PM, sphinx.
I remember when I played the demo, I made my archer dude really lithe and twinkish, and gave him a burly warrior as pawn. Too bad that guy's neck was so long that he kinda looked like some sort of ape, lol.
Ew at the neck haha. I wish the creator was better :/
Ohhh ic you. I made my big burly mage then made the smallest twinkiest warrior to aid me
I had no idea you could create more than one character. I never saw the option to do a second one.
I can't complain much, my character is hawt!
I use nothing at all. foreveralone.webp
I have come at peace with the idea of not meeting anyone and [hopefully] dying young
If I meet someone, cool. If I don't, I am totally OK with that too. C'est la vie.
I remember when I called you forever alone, and you got angry at me. (emo)
<gurls>It's not what you say, it's how you say it</gurls>
But do not worry... it wasn't only that, it was also the sum of... let's say, other things you said or did.... but that was a long time ago. I am surprised by the fact your remember an old conversation, honestly.
I shall continue the valiant, and perhaps pointless, struggle.
Had a long convo with the ex. Kinda made me miss him. We commiserated over current love life woes though he's actually been on dates, the show off. He was going through the common list of complaints with dating (and guys in particular). His last date didn't work out well because apparently he was too similar to me.
... and that was it. Shit, it would be weird if I dated someone like my ex but if that was my only complaint it wouldn't be so bad. My okcupid account has only received a message from a fifty year old.
I just don't understand why meeting people has to be so difficult. He's also got a leg up because he works/schools with gay people who at least can hook him up or something. All my friends are straight and I don't know any gay people in the area.
That was a longer rant than I intended.
You're bad at taking your own advice.
Yeah, it's not like you care. (emo)
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