Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Hmmm... Well, I guess I can understand both sides. In the end, oneself should take care of his body. Having some additional weight isn't a big (no pun intented) problem, and some may find it attractive, but you shouln't let yourself go too far either. Concerns about oneself health are understandble and justified. On the other hand, like Hecatonchires said, you can't sum up someone to their weight (and, yeah, I kind of agree with Red Arremer down there).

... Meh. Anyway, I'll just go hit the gym today : I need to lose some weight if I want this six pack to be visible (hypocritical humor much ?).
 
You "omg, fat guys are lazy shits"-people are all aware of the fact, though, that there's bulkier/fatter people who do take care of themselves, and way more than enough lean people who don't take care of themselves at all?

Weight is something heavily tied to one's metabolism, and there's 2 extremes; metabolism that doesn't do its job at all (bigger guys who do sports, eat healthy and such) and metabolism that does its job way too good (lean guys who can eat 4 pizzas a day and not gain one single pound).

Immediately assuming that all bigger guys are lazy fucks who just lay around all day and munch chips is unfair and a really disgusting mentality.


Hecatonchires Custom said:
My bf is overweight and there are plenty of fit guys I could bang but guess what there's more to a person than his fucking weight. Your choice to miss out on a potentially incredible person because oh no his body fat is 5.2% too high.
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Your avatar is adorable.
 
Red Arremer said:
You "omg, fat guys are lazy shits"-people are all aware of the fact, though, that there's bulkier/fatter people who do take care of themselves, and way more than enough lean people who don't take care of themselves at all?
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There is a visual difference between bulk and fat, though. I haven't seen anyone advocate that they must date the ideal image of perfection as that's both unrealistic and incredibly shallow. But I can't see why someone should be forced to date a person they don't find attractive because 'oh noes, beauty is skin deep.'

To make the point clear - if the original comment had been phrased "I'm a little conflicted. I kind of like the guy's personality but unfortunately he's a bear and I'm not into that," would this conversation even be happening? If health and fitness is important to someone, why can they not use that as a criteria in considering a guy for dating? And, in fact, a couple of us have even suggested that he ask if the guy wants to work at getting in shape too.

Immediately assuming that all bigger guys are lazy fucks who just lay around all day and munch chips is unfair and a really disgusting mentality.
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And, oddly enough, this isn't the first time this sentiment has been brought up and only by the "don't be shallow" crowd. I hate to accuse people of misrepresenting the other side's argument but it's kind of difficult to have this debate when one side is often using a lot of hyperbole.
 
Completely agree with B-Ri - my lack of attraction to someone who doesn't look after their body is not so much based on the end result ( not being fit) but on the attitude that resulted in it. I find it a turn on when someone is motivated to stay healthy and make an effort - gym bunnies are a turn off, by the way - and someone who gives a fuck about their health and fitness is always gonna be at the front of the line ahead of someone who doesn't.

Oh, and bears are hot. But there's a difference between someone who's solid and someone who's fat.
 
Red Arremer said:
You "omg, fat guys are lazy shits"-people are all aware of the fact, though, that there's bulkier/fatter people who do take care of themselves, and way more than enough lean people who don't take care of themselves at all?

Weight is something heavily tied to one's metabolism, and there's 2 extremes; metabolism that doesn't do its job at all (bigger guys who do sports, eat healthy and such) and metabolism that does its job way too good (lean guys who can eat 4 pizzas a day and not gain one single pound).

Immediately assuming that all bigger guys are lazy fucks who just lay around all day and munch chips is unfair and a really disgusting mentality.




Your avatar is adorable.
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Sounds like excuses.. most everyone has the ability to eat healthily? most everyone has a little bit of time in their day to exercise a bit? If the answer is yes to both there is no reason for people other than those with glandular problems and such to be fat. It is laziness and nobody is wrong for finding that unattractive. When an overweight person gets defensive and selt righteous about their weight.. well, its really self defeating.

Personally.. I like guys who are slightly cuddly.. but that's just me.
 
I really don't see anything wrong with having standards, as long as you're realistic. You need sexual satisfaction to cultivate a happy relationship, and you're not going to get that if you're with someone you aren't attracted to.

It's okay to not want to date someone for being overweight. I am personally fine with a manageable amount of pudge, since I tend to lose my stomach definition during the winter months and finals anyways.... but I wouldn't fault someone who works out daily year-round for not wanting to be with me because I'm less active.

It's not being shallow as much as it is having different lifestyles.

Hes cute, hes nice, hes funny, I am having this weird conflict because hes not in the best of shape, not that hes fat or anything, but I am kinda on this focus and quest to get to a certain physical peak... well just have to see what happens
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This, though? You're on a "quest", which implies you aren't even at your physical peak yet. If it's a dealbreaker in an otherwise happy relationship that he isn't as physically active and motivated as you, then end it. But if you're both currently at similar levels of fitness and you're assessing your attractiveness at a peak you haven't attained yet, you're being unrealistic.
 
BeesEight said:
To make the point clear - if the original comment had been phrased "I'm a little conflicted. I kind of like the guy's personality but unfortunately he's a bear and I'm not into that," would this conversation even be happening?
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I wouldn't have taken "offense" to it simply because the term "bear" does not imply that someone who is bigger automatically is lazy and doesn't take care of themselves.

I don't give a shit how you prefer your guys/girls/whatever. That's your business. I'm calling you out on calling big guys lazy and unhealthy.

If health and fitness is important to someone, why can they not use that as a criteria in considering a guy for dating?
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It's not the health and fitness aspect I am concerned about, but the "omg, a fat guy! He obviously doesn't give a shit about his health!"-reasoning that is constantly brought up.

And, oddly enough, this isn't the first time this sentiment has been brought up and only by the "don't be shallow" crowd. I hate to accuse people of misrepresenting the other side's argument but it's kind of difficult to have this debate when one side is often using a lot of hyperbole.
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Again. "Not taking care of themselves" implies, to me at least, that you mean they're sitting on their asses all day, eating shit. So why shouldn't we generalize just as much as you do?

Bel Marduk said:
Sounds like excuses.. most everyone has the ability to eat healthily? most everyone has a little bit of time in their day to exercise a bit?
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How do you know that a big guy doesn't eat healthily and exercise a bit? Again, it's exactly that implication that all fat guys are not interested into health or fitness which is grinding my gears.

I'm fat, I love eating healthy food, but you know, I also love eating meat. I'm not gonna eat only salad for 6 months (which I did 2 or 3 years ago) just so I can lose a pound. But as a matter of fact, I prefer vegeterian meals more than I like meat.
I do sports - I go swimming, even in winter. Every week. But I'm still fat.
 
Red Arremer said:
Again. "Not taking care of themselves" implies, to me at least, that you mean they're sitting on their asses all day, eating shit. So why shouldn't we generalize just as much as you do?
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But if you are overweight you aren't taking care of yourself. And if you are sitting on your ass all day, you're not taking care of yourself either. I'm... not sure what you're saying.
 
BeesEight said:
But if you are overweight you aren't taking care of yourself. And if you are sitting on your ass all day, you're not taking care of yourself either. I'm... not sure what you're saying.
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.


Red Arremer said:
I'm fat, I love eating healthy food, but you know, I also love eating meat. I'm not gonna eat only salad for 6 months (which I did 2 or 3 years ago) just so I can lose a pound. But as a matter of fact, I prefer vegeterian meals more than I like meat.
I do sports - I go swimming, even in winter. Every week. But I'm still fat.
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Red Arremer said:
How do you know that a big guy doesn't eat healthily and exercise a bit? Again, it's exactly that implication that all fat guys are not interested into health or fitness which is grinding my gears.

I'm fat, I love eating healthy food, but you know, I also love eating meat. I'm not gonna eat only salad for 6 months (which I did 2 or 3 years ago) just so I can lose a pound. But as a matter of fact, I prefer vegeterian meals more than I like meat.
I do sports - I go swimming, even in winter. Every week. But I'm still fat.
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Ok.. I don't believe that obesity is genetic because if you look at statistics, you'll find that obesity was once rare but has increased almost exponentially in the past few decades. That tells me that people are consuming too much and not exercising quite enough. Its a lifestyle choice (and yes, I'm aware of the irony, so there's no need to point that out.)

Nobody is attacking you personally.. what most everyone here seems to agree on is that its perfectly ok to not be attracted to someone based on their weight.. Not physically attracted to it nor to lazy people. That's the way it is and its wrong to tell someone who they can and cannot be attracted to.

You don't have to eat salad all the time to not be overweight. Yeesh.. its very simple.. try not to consume more calories than you use. Eat meat in moderation if you want to, just don't eat a whole bucket of fried chicken for example.
 
Red Arremer said:
I'm fat, I love eating healthy food, but you know, I also love eating meat. I'm not gonna eat only salad for 6 months (which I did 2 or 3 years ago) just so I can lose a pound. But as a matter of fact, I prefer vegeterian meals more than I like meat.
I do sports - I go swimming, even in winter. Every week. But I'm still fat.
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You don't need to eat only salad for 6 months to lose weight. How are you so active and still "fat"? Medical reasons?

How much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking.
 
Bel Marduk said:
Nobody is attacking you personally..
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But you are.

That's the way it is and its wrong to tell someone who they can and cannot be attracted to.
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I'm not telling ANYONE whom to be attracted to. I'm saying that not all fat people are fat because they "don't take care of themselves".

You don't have to eat salad all the time to not be overweight. Yeesh.. its very simple.. try not to consume more calories than you use. Eat meat in moderation if you want to, just don't eat a whole bucket of fried chicken for example.
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I never ever in my entire life ate a bucket of fried chicken, and to be frank, I would probably have to puke before I even got half of it down. The implication that I am eating masses of meat or sugar or fat, and not that I am keeping a healthy or even normal diet is really REALLY insulting me, and as a matter of fact, you are attacking me personally with this statement.


SomeoneCool said:
You don't need to eat only salad for 6 months to lose weight.
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I am aware of that, I just brought it up because I did it once - and not because of dietary reasons, but rather because I didn't feel like eating anything else but vegetables and fruit for the duration of that half year.

How are you so active and still "fat"? Medical reasons?
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My metabolism is probably one of the worst metabolisms in the world.

How much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking.
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About 220-250 lbs./100-110 kg (I lost my scales when moving) with a height of about 5'8"/1.75m.
 
SomeoneCool said:
You don't need to eat only salad for 6 months to lose weight. How are you so active and still "fat"? Medical reasons?

How much do you weigh if you don't mind me asking.
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Yes, this sounds peculiar. If you don't mind me asking a few questions as well - how tall are you? How long have you been exercising? How often and for how long? What exactly are you eating on the average day?
 
Ugh. I'm not trying to get health tips. ._.
I am trying to tell you that not all fat people are not taking care of themselves. Simple as that. Why can't you accept that?

Why do all fat people HAVE to be lazy assholes sitting around eating whole buckets of fried meat?
 
Red Arremer said:
But you are.



I'm not telling ANYONE whom to be attracted to. I'm saying that not all fat people are fat because they "don't take care of themselves".



I never ever in my entire life ate a bucket of fried chicken, and to be frank, I would probably have to puke before I even got half of it down. The implication that I am eating masses of meat or sugar or fat, and not that I am keeping a healthy or even normal diet is really REALLY insulting me, and as a matter of fact, you are attacking me personally with this statement.
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Actually, I'm not attacking you personally. I'm disagreeing with you...
 
Surprisingly, thread is managing to actually piss me off now after some mild annoyance when the discussion first started yesterday.

Red is certainly on the right side of things here, and that's about as much as I want to get into it.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Surprisingly, thread is managing to actually piss me off now after some mild annoyance when the discussion first started yesterday.

Red is certainly on the right side of things here, and that's about as much as I want to get into it.
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Why?? As I see it people don't like being called shallow for preferring a guy who's in shape and take cares of his health. People have preferences and for some people weight is something they care about when they're looking for a partner nothing shallow about that in my book.
 
Red Arremer said:
Ugh. I'm not trying to get health tips. ._.
I am trying to tell you that not all fat people are not taking care of themselves. Simple as that. Why can't you accept that?

Why do all fat people HAVE to be lazy assholes sitting around eating whole buckets of fried meat?
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But no one else has said this.

It's clear that people are bringing in their personal experiences into this conversation which is muddying things up a bit since the rest of us don't share that point of reference. So, I'll try and see if I can make my side clear. I have friends who are overweight and have been struggling with their health all their life. I'm well aware of the emotional and psychological issues that are compounded with being overweight. I'm also way more than familiar with all the excuses and effort they go through to not improve themselves. For most of my life, I was some scrawny, bean-pole of a guy and came up with a ton of excuses to not get better.

But it doesn't help. At the end of the day, these friends are still overweight and depressed. I've put in the effort, and continue to put in the effort, to change myself. And yes it is difficult but I'm proud with how much I've improved. Just being friends with these guys can be really difficult because of the depression they're in over their own weight issues and their refusal to overcome it. And it's really discouraging that, no matter how much I try and help and support them, they don't get better.

So yeah, I'm not going to date a guy that has these issues. It wouldn't last because it would just be too draining and too difficult.

But that's not to say I wouldn't date a "big" guy. There's a clear difference between what I consider "big" and what I consider "fat." Fat is the person overweight. Big can be this:

FallingEdge said:
IMG_20120430_223451_111.jpg


Approx 220. 14ish% bf.

Will post a new pick the first week of July. Time to lose the fat!
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And I would do unspeakable things to this man even though he's not rocking the 5.2% body fat or whatever silly benchmark some people might think that I'm pushing. I would even do unspeakable things if he were a few pounds heavier. So you can definitely look very attractive above the 220 lbs mark.
 
Oh my at the discussion in here. Well as a big man myself I'm getting my weight down for health reasons and so cute guys will look at me and go "HEY THERE."
 
On the one side I said the lazyness and carelessness of my ex boyfriend annoyed me and that I don't want to go with that again but I definitely didn't want to imply that anyone with overweight is a lazy fuck and I want to apologize to red and/or anyone who felt it was an offensive comment.

I can only speak about my personal experiences and it wasn't nice to see my ex attacking himself eating the way he did, I think my problems with him weren't related to his appearance but his attitude towards life, that's what hurted the most.

all things said, I wouldn't let a perfect match, the potential man of my life, go away from me because he has a belly, that's being as shallow and stupid as one can be. In fact, If I met the man of my life and he smoked I'd very likely stay with him. There's no win without risk in these things.

looking for the cute, perfect guy that goes to the gym with you hand in hand is corny and unrealistic, if you ask me. Your perfect guy probably prefers to go canoeing in a river, which you don't know about or maybe even hate, and he is probably more badass than you, will consider your piss poor cardio rutine a childs game compared to his workout

EDIT: and I'd prefer my EX's body with his extra 50 pounds than Fallingedge's. my ex had very strong legs and wide shoulders.
 
Nohar said:
*adds FallingEdge to his "To-Do" list*

Just kidding ^^ Though, nice photo.
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Back off, I saw him first! :P

sphinx said:
all things said, I wouldn't let a perfect match, the potential man of my life, go away from me because he has a belly, that's being as shallow and stupid as one can be. In fact, If I met the man of my life and he smoked I'd very likely stay with him. There's no win without risk in these things.
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My perfect man wouldn't be a smoker. :P

Delio said:
Dunno if I could ever do a smoker. Just not something I want.
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Congrats Del on working on the weight. You got my full support. And I agree, smoking is a far bigger sin than a little pudge.


So... what's the deal with clowns?
 
Thank you for those who jumped into the conversation for me. I felt like I was being ambushed, fitness and health are important to me, and important attributes for a person to hold because it is important to me. I am not shallow, and I really felt offended being called such.
 
B-Ri said:
Thank you for those who jumped into the conversation for me. I felt like I was being ambushed, fitness and health are important to me, and important attributes for a person to hold because it is important to me. I am not shallow, and I really felt offended being called such.
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Shut up Mr. Shallow and post (at least) shirtless pictures;..to see your soul and feelings.

:p
 
Necromanti said:
B-Ri kind of explicitly stated that the guy is not fat, though...
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Yeah, but that's not a really useful descriptor since what one person may consider fat someone else may not. Ultimately, without pictures, this conversation is kind of difficult to really hold.


Anyway, I just finished watching Shelter. Maybe it's because I don't watch romance movies, but I really wasn't feeling it. The one character kinda looked like Brad Pitt which was perhaps its saving grace, otherwise I found the story lacked any real conflict, the characters were rather one dimensional and unrelateable, and the actions and motivations of the supporting cast ranged from eye brow raising to complete nonsensical idiocy. Also, the main characters really lacked chemistry but that likely has to do with the actors being straight.

But I got a recommendation to check out Weekend so I'll be doing that tomorrow.
 
hateradio said:
I see. We'll I'd rather date a guy with a pot belly than a six pack. 8|
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Amen. And c'mon guys, calling each other shallow and what not...? I am pretty skeptic to the "gay way of life"~ Muscly fit guys with the same haircut and skin, but I guess there's a taste for everything. This fucking topic keeps going back to this thread, it's like every 10/20 pages we're debating this again.

Who gives a damn if a guy finds slim fit guys attractive and others like a man with a nice belly? It's obvious that unless you meet in a non-visual media like a chat without pictures, you'll have some sort of visual stimulus. You can't help it. Of course that can change through talking, but you have to understand that people might not like your type, skin color, hair color, eyes, etc. That's not being shallow (well, not too shallow) but it's silly to blame that person for not trying harder if what he sees is not what attracts him.

Who knows, maybe he gets to know you and he appreciates your smooth skin, while he is usually the type to love a nice gruff belly, it happens! By being whiny and blaming it all on the other partner for being shallow, you end up just proving yourself that you're shallow yourself. Get to know each other, and if it doesn't work, well you tried.

I swear, it's ridiculous how intolerant and close-minded some of you guys are. A guy doesn't like your body type, boohoo, there's hundreds of more interesting guys to meet that would die to get in your sheets!
 
This page is getting off on a much better start so I want to keep the ball rolling.

Do you guys have any recommendation for good gay movies? At this point in time, it's the only thing I can really watch, so please and try and keep them pg-ish.
 
BeesEight said:
This page is getting off on a much better start so I want to keep the ball rolling.

Do you guys have any recommendation for good gay movies? At this point in time, it's the only thing I can really watch, so please and try and keep them pg-ish.
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Not really... gay movies are nearly always terrible. One that really stands out for me is Mysterious Skin.Probably one of the best films of all time.. and the lead actor is incredibly hot. That movie is awesome in every way.. but I think it's rated NC-17 (its not porn) I always thought Trick was a cute movie too.. kind of funny.. Milk is a great story and the film comes together very well. Boy Culture is ok...

Angels in America was a miniseries but that was quite watchable... a bit heavy at times..
 
BeesEight said:
This page is getting off on a much better start so I want to keep the ball rolling.

Do you guys have any recommendation for good gay movies? At this point in time, it's the only thing I can really watch, so please and try and keep them pg-ish.
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Nico and Dani. Good coming of age flix and one of my first gay movies.
 
BeesEight said:
Yeah, but that's not a really useful descriptor since what one person may consider fat someone else may not. Ultimately, without pictures, this conversation is kind of difficult to really hold.


Anyway, I just finished watching Shelter. Maybe it's because I don't watch romance movies, but I really wasn't feeling it. The one character kinda looked like Brad Pitt which was perhaps its saving grace, otherwise I found the story lacked any real conflict, the characters were rather one dimensional and unrelateable, and the actions and motivations of the supporting cast ranged from eye brow raising to complete nonsensical idiocy. Also, the main characters really lacked chemistry but that likely has to do with the actors being straight.

But I got a recommendation to check out Weekend so I'll be doing that tomorrow.
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You think it lacked conflict? How so? To me it was basically: staying home vs. exploring the world
 
Thanks guys, I'll be sure to check out what I can on netflix. Like I said, I've never watched gay movies before so this is partly for personal reasons.

Mystic Theurge said:
You think it lacked conflict? How so? To me it was basically: staying home vs. exploring the world
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I suppose, but that struggle really didn't seem integral to the overall plot. It spent a lot of time mulling over Shawn and Main Character's relationship which didn't have much to do with that issue. The problem with focussing on MC's coming out tale was that there wasn't any real story there. His sister had some cursory resistance to him and Shawn, but it felt really forced. And after jumping in bed with Shawn, he didn't really seem that hung up about his sexuality either save for the predictable moment where he had to break up with him.

And the conclusion came really soaring in out of nowhere. Here is a woman who refuses to leave her kid with a gay guy because she doesn't want a bad influence on him ready to just up and leave because her douche of a boyfriend wants to go somewhere else? The plot's use of her was really mechanical and you had no sympathy for her or even understanding of what was ever going through her head. The twist that he was accepted and turned it down kind of ruined his whole struggle to explore the world anyway since his argument that he wasn't good enough wasn't even true.
 
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