Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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I did like so many times in a row, didn't work she was like I want to just be friends then when I was like Okay and about to walk away it was a more "No, WAIT!" affair. Silly Silly.
 
Do I bail out when I girl I've been seeing for a few weeks says that she

'Doesn't know how to love."

On one hand I could stick with her, let all the bullshit bounce off me and ride this horse into the long term. On the other hand I could bail out and find someone else.

I think you should find someone else. Girl that doesn't know what she wants translates to troublesome...
 
That's true. I also reconnected with some friends I hadn't heard or seen in a while, and it's a great help. Also went out more during these last two months than I did the rest of the preceding year. :lol

Finals are coming up now, though, so that's pretty much coming to an end for a few weeks, which sucks.

That's exactly what has happened with me. It has been a learning experience that's for sure.
 
Wauw. Wtf did I do to girls.


Speaking to a girl on that site. She's like yeah you shouldn't make a profile on here cause you don't look like the normal belgian guy's you like turkish/moroccan guy and we don't like them.


WOW... I'm only half fucking morrocan but still Wow can't believe what she just said to me.
I didn't even asked for this..
 
Congrats on things with the new girl. It's natural for your head to be spinning a little bit after talking with your ex. The fact hat you were able to shake those feelings is a good sign that not only are you over your ex, but that you really care about this new girl you're seeing. That's great news.

Thanks! That's how I see it too. It really took a long time to get through the break up, but I'm over it. Break ups are fucking tough and it took months to recover. Rebounds helped a lot. My ex has been really nice to me the last couple of days and texts me a lot suddenly. Dunno what's up.
 
EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY:

So got some new shelves today, I had all my figures out of my room while I put them up. Took a few days for me to actually get it done, so my room was like this for a day or so, felt so empty.

t9HVcl.jpg


Back to this: (an hour ago)

7189534630_fdb59f67b2_z.jpg
 
It looked so normal in the first picture...

I mean...damn. He has three anime body pillows. Three.

Really man? REALLY?

Everything else is fine.
 
EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY:



Get rid of the poster and the pillows and we'll call that a good start. The top picture actually looked normal.

Although to be fair, look what thread you pulled that from EviLore. I don't frequent that thread, so maybe that's abnormal, even for that thread though.
 
Is it ok if I don't like long pants?
Wear whatever you want, and own it. If someone doesn't like it, who are they to judge? The fact that you even asked the question though, tell a story of its own. You don't believe in yourself and really need to start liking yourself as your first priority. You'd see a lot more success in life if you stopped caring so much :) It seems to me that you're trying to change your clothing and seeking approval so you can get laid more (or for the first time, I don't know). That is not the way to go about it though. You can't dress up your broken inner self with fancy clothes, it'll always shine through. Trust me, I know from my own experiences.

So yes, it's "ok" to not like long pants. If you don't, then wear short ones, who cares? It's not your clothing or long hair that's holding you back, it's your broken mind and inner self and nothing else.

Edit: For what's it's worth, I didn't see who it was that posted that picture but my first thought was "hey, isn't that Raw Power?". And it was obviously. That means you're recognizable and not just an insignificant blip on the radar, right?
 
So could a guy ever get a girl looking like this?

ncA1H.jpg

Definitely, but like others say, shorter hair and jeans are more traditional. There's definitely some girls that like long hair guys though. Not the most revealing picture with regards to face, body, height, but you're good enough that you could have any woman depending on how you handle yourself, money, and so on. That's not to say you're perfect and don't work on yourself. Everything you do improves your overall chances of success with more and more picky women.

I don't like long pants normally, but if I'm on a date I put on nice (dark, good fitting) jeans.
 
Definitely, but like others say, shorter hair and jeans are more traditional. There's definitely some girls that like long hair guys though. Not the most revealing picture with regards to face, body, height, but you're good enough that you could have any woman depending on how you handle yourself, money, and so on.

I don't like long pants normally, but if I'm on a date I put on nice (dark, good fitting) jeans.

Money?

Explain, please.

Edit: I'm neither tall or skinny.
 
Keep the long hair. Own it and become a fucking bad-ass! Find an ebook called Way of the Superior Man and read it. Start your journey now!
 
Money?

Explain, please.

Edit: I'm neither tall or skinny.

Money lets you do things. It lets you drive places in cars, or even cool / luxury cars, it lets you buy dinner and drinks. It lets you buy cool clothes and get medical care so you don't look all sickly. You can buy good food with it too!

Everyone has their different relationship with money, but most people like nice things. There's a lot of girls that won't need you to have much money, but you can't be broke and reliant on her unless she's very giving / sugar momma.
 
pstec gets rid of ocd
PSTEC would no doubt get rid of a lot of things, and it may even help manage OCD a bit. But OCD cannot sadly be cured yet (like all mental disorders).

You can manage it a great extent (mostly with CBT), but not cure it.

Having said that I can see why PSTEC could potentially help, so I'll give it a go!

Men age like a fine wine. Your best years are many years in the future.
Very true.

It's less about my looks since I actually do look rather young, but rather my mentality.

I'm still in the frame of mind of wanting a bit of fun.

I feel I've missed out a lot, and that's simply the reason I'm panicking.

"Youth" is relative. For men it's a little easier due to the whole biological clock women have, but you can be 30 and still "young".

Living your life is also relative. What do you want to do before you get "tied down" into a job? Travel? Extreme sports? Live abroad? What's preventing you from doing that right now? Is it money? If so, get a job, work for a year, then quit and go do things. Is it time? You've got lots of time, make a plan (e.g. "by the end of 2013 I will have travelled to Europe").

Don't grow despondent at how you "wasted" the last few years. You can't change that. Move on. Look at what you're doing today and tomorrow, not what you did yesterday. Life's too short to wonder "what if". Spend time wondering about "what's next".

EDIT: back to the job thing, a full-time job is not the end of the world socially speaking, nor is it the Best Job Ever(TM). People don't work at the same job forever. You may find a great job tomorrow, but next year you may find a better one. Or you may even decide to switch industries 5 years down the line. So many people switch careers you rarely find someone doing the same thing for 20 years.
Firstly great post man, really has lightened me up a bit!

Without having a job I just simply have the frame of mind that I'd be trapped, despite that not being the case.

One of the companies I'm aiming for is contract based, and I think for where I am right now that'd work best. After that I'd really like to go traveling as you said, and it's definitely something I'll do in a few years.

There's so much I want to do in my life right now, and I must do it. I enjoy various forms of art, and I really don't give myself enough credit of what I can actually do. Because of this I'd definitely like to mix things up a lot, and perhaps become a freelance jack of all trades. Alongside all of this I'm really determined to get my band going, not only because I enjoy playing, but because gigging would really help open me up as a person.
 
Fixing my inner self is easier said than done. Nevertheless, I am trying.
Only because you say things like that :) However, it won't change completely over night. You gotta be patient with these things. It's no fun otherwise ;) Good for you that you are trying, keep at it!

I actually printed my "story" today so I'm working on it too. I've been deprecating my entire life basically and I'm bored with it :) Also started a "the contest" with a buddy of mine. Gonna be an interesting month...
 
Money lets you do things. It lets you drive places in cars, or even cool / luxury cars, it lets you buy dinner and drinks. It lets you buy cool clothes and get medical care so you don't look all sickly. You can buy good food with it too!

Everyone has their different relationship with money, but most people like nice things. There's a lot of girls that won't need you to have much money, but you can't be broke and reliant on her unless she's very giving / sugar momma.

I understand, but I'm reluctant to go overboard with it because I don't want to attract women for whom money will be a central component in our relationship.
 
PSTEC would no doubt get rid of a lot of things, and it may even help manage OCD a bit. But OCD cannot sadly be cured yet (like all mental disorders).

You can manage it a great extent (mostly with CBT), but not cure it.

Having said that I can see why PSTEC could potentially help, so I'll give it a go!


well from what i understand OCD is mostly a bunch of subconscious blocks, and that's what PSTEC deals with. Worst case scenario, you still have it, but the negative emotions attached to it will be gone, like you said.
 
I feel that I should add that it is exponentially harder to achieve a high level of confidence and sense of self-worth when I am frequently teased and made fun of for the way I look and act on the street and in public.
 
So tomorrow is when i'm going out with my ex for lunch, i'm starting to feel like i'm making a mistake (getting too involved again). I'm still just working on myself and i'm keeping my options open this time but i think i let her back into my life too much to fast. Well it's done now and i'll just see where this takes me. So far things have been fine, i'm hoping they stay that way.

You're making a huge mistake. :(
 
Is it possible that the friend zone is something too many men and women blame themselves, or the other person involved, for falling into? It seems like this word that ends up becoming a blanket reason for everything and anything?
 
Is it possible that the friend zone is something too many men and women blame themselves, or the other person involved, for falling into? It seems like this word that ends up becoming a blanket reason for everything and anything?

I figured it was when you moved too slow and ended up missing your window as the other person thinks of you as a friend/sibling.

Not the same as rejection, IMO.
 
I feel that I should add that it is exponentially harder to achieve a high level of confidence and sense of self-worth when I am frequently teased and made fun of for the way I look and act on the street and in public.

Who teases you for the way you look? You're 20 something, right? If people your age haven't grown out that assholish behaviour, then fuck them.

If someone teases you, just give them the death glare. They will shut the fuck up quick, dude.

640px-Ultimatumglare.png


I can see you pulling The Glare off.

I'm still waiting for that photo of you in a jacket and tie. Just so you know.
 
Who teases you for the way you look? You're 20 something, right? If people your age haven't grown out that assholish behaviour, then fuck them.

If someone teases you, just give them the death glare. They will shut the fuck up quick, dude.

640px-Ultimatumglare.png


I can see you pulling The Glare off.

I'm still waiting for that photo of you in a jacket and tie. Just so you know.

It's usually college kids in the safety of their cars, and middle and high school kids (I live near both). A lot of the 30 somethings I see sometimes feel threatened by me, for whatever reason. Parents will nudge their children away from me and girls my age or older/younger will cross the street as I pass them. They must think I'm a crazy person or something. D:
 
I don't want my post to get lost on the last page.

Who teases you for the way you look? You're 20 something, right? If people your age haven't grown out that assholish behaviour, then fuck them.

If someone teases you, just give them the death glare. They will shut the fuck up quick, dude.

640px-Ultimatumglare.png


I can see you pulling The Glare off.

I'm still waiting for that photo of you in a jacket and tie. Just so you know.

It's usually college kids in the safety of their cars, and middle and high school kids (I live near both). A lot of the 30 somethings I see sometimes feel threatened by me, for whatever reason. Parents will nudge their children away from me and girls my age or older/younger will cross the street as I pass them. They must think I'm a crazy person or something.

I hate people so much.
 
Okay guys.

Where to start? For the past week or so, I decided to make a move on a girl I liked, got her number and facebook and we chatted for a long time. It turned out that she had a gigantic crush on me. Keep in mind that I'm currently in High School and I've had quite a bit of relationships before. We decided that we'd go on a date today, it went pretty well but felt awkward at the same time. She didn't feel like the same person that I had met and enjoyed being with.

I asked her out and she said yes. At one point we were talking about past boyfriends, she was saying how she dumped this guy after he bought her expensive jewelry etc. This came off to me as a completely different person to the woman that I originally met. She sounded like someone who I really wouldn't want to be with and I was having serious regrets. Three hours later I got a text from her saying that we should just be friends because it's going too fast. At this time I got a message from a friend on Skype saying that she checked her tumblr and from the posts she can see that she was going out with a guy at least two weeks ago and there's a high chance that I was just a rebound.

She still wants to go out with me though, I just don't like the idea of being toyed around more. I just said that I feel that our personalities clashed too much and that we should leave it at that. I basically friendzoned her after she tried to friendzone me. I'm not going to regret what I did, I just feel like the girl that I knew before I started dating her for that small period of time was a completely different person that I absolutely enjoyed spending time with and that I wish this was how she really was.
 
I don't want my post to get lost on the last page.



It's usually college kids in the safety of their cars, and middle and high school kids (I live near both). A lot of the 30 somethings I see sometimes feel threatened by me, for whatever reason. Parents will nudge their children away from me and girls my age or older/younger will cross the street as I pass them. They must think I'm a crazy person or something.

I hate people so much.

Have you thought of rocking the pony tail?
 
Okay guys.

Where to start? For the past week or so, I decided to make a move on a girl I liked, got her number and facebook and we chatted for a long time. It turned out that she had a gigantic crush on me. Keep in mind that I'm currently in High School and I've had quite a bit of relationships before. We decided that we'd go on a date today, it went pretty well but felt awkward at the same time. She didn't feel like the same person that I had met and enjoyed being with.

I asked her out and she said yes. At one point we were talking about past boyfriends, she was saying how she dumped this guy after he bought her expensive jewelry etc. This came off to me as a completely different person to the woman that I originally met. She sounded like someone who I really wouldn't want to be with and I was having serious regrets. Three hours later I got a text from her saying that we should just be friends because it's going too fast. At this time I got a message from a friend on Skype saying that she checked her tumblr and from the posts she can see that she was going out with a guy at least two weeks ago and there's a high chance that I was just a rebound.

She still wants to go out with me though, I just don't like the idea of being toyed around more. I just said that I feel that our personalities clashed too much and that we should leave it at that. I basically friendzoned her after she tried to friendzone me. I'm not going to regret what I did, I just feel like the girl that I knew before I started dating her for that small period of time was a completely different person that I absolutely enjoyed spending time with and that I wish this was how she really was.

High school drama. Stay away.
 
Okay guys.

Where to start? For the past week or so, I decided to make a move on a girl I liked, got her number and facebook and we chatted for a long time. It turned out that she had a gigantic crush on me. Keep in mind that I'm currently in High School and I've had quite a bit of relationships before. We decided that we'd go on a date today, it went pretty well but felt awkward at the same time. She didn't feel like the same person that I had met and enjoyed being with.

I asked her out and she said yes. At one point we were talking about past boyfriends, she was saying how she dumped this guy after he bought her expensive jewelry etc. This came off to me as a completely different person to the woman that I originally met. She sounded like someone who I really wouldn't want to be with and I was having serious regrets. Three hours later I got a text from her saying that we should just be friends because it's going too fast. At this time I got a message from a friend on Skype saying that she checked her tumblr and from the posts she can see that she was going out with a guy at least two weeks ago and there's a high chance that I was just a rebound.

She still wants to go out with me though, I just don't like the idea of being toyed around more. I just said that I feel that our personalities clashed too much and that we should leave it at that. I basically friendzoned her after she tried to friendzone me. I'm not going to regret what I did, I just feel like the girl that I knew before I started dating her for that small period of time was a completely different person that I absolutely enjoyed spending time with and that I wish this was how she really was.
If she's not mature enough to know what she wants, there's no reason to even bother with her.
 
It's usually college kids in the safety of their cars, and middle and high school kids (I live near both). A lot of the 30 somethings I see sometimes feel threatened by me, for whatever reason. Parents will nudge their children away from me and girls my age or older/younger will cross the street as I pass them. They must think I'm a crazy person or something.

I hate people so much.

What kind of stuff do you deal with? Is it just the hair? Is it the way you dress? There's always things you can change IF you want to 'fit in' better and vice versa.

If the hair isn't working for you, lose it. If you like it, live it. If you're out of shape you can get in shape. You have a lot of options, ultimately you are in control here, and you're not a freak that would stand out if you made some small steps to become a normal boring person.


Anyways, on my side things are finally (although a few weeks of relative slowness wasn't bad) starting to pick up again, and as they say, when it rains it pours.
 
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