Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Do you keep up with the Manshion thread? Lots of good advice in there. Styleforum has some pretty good stuff, though it's mostly geared towards being a message board.
God, it's weird going to other forums. It's like they talk about the same things that we do on these forums. On the first page i saw a Game of Thrones thread, a thread asking if The Wire or Breaking Bad was the better show, and about 5 other thread that look like duplicates from here. I wonder if they have somebody name Dogtime or something bizarre like that...
 
I've been on Match for about 5 days now and I can already see that it's a harder way to meet women than doing it in person. When you see someone attractive on the street, all you need is nerve to go up and interact with them. When you see someone attractive online, 700 other guys have already seen her first and flooded her email with messages. You won't even get a chance, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Perfect profiles and perfect emails mean nothing if she has to sort through hundreds to get to you.

I couldn't imagine sorting through 20 emails, let alone the 100+ I KNOW some women are getting. Fuck....Giving up at the end of this week.

lol

I personally would give up. Trying to talk to someone who has 700 other people interested would put me off almost straight away. I would guess there are other people she is interested in and I have no interest in competing with other people. Lets say she suddenly starts dating one of them and decides he isn't the one, and falls back to me. I would hate that. Maybe it is pride on my part, but I wouldn't want to be someone's second favourite, or third, or fourth. I'd just tell her I am no longer interested. Let her get on with her life, and I get on with mine.

I would much prefer to date a girl who is actually interested in me from the beginning, and not just because the guy she was really interested in turned out to be not who she thought he was. It just seems a bad way to start a first date to me. Even if she is undecided on what she really wants, if she is truly interested in getting to know me, at least there is some incentive in bothering to speak to her in the first place. If a girl simply isn't that interested, or more interested in other people, I would stop speaking to them. I have to know the person I am speaking to is actually interested in speaking to me, and not just humouring me just to be nice. For one, they probably don't really want me speaking to them, and I certainly don't want to be bothering her if that is the case.
 
Thanks for the replies. I have got some gym equipment that I've been using (I'm not fat, I've always been tall and slim but in the last year my belly is trying to ...'develop', can sit ups literally stop this shit? I dont know what else to do lol).

No, you can't target fat loss at specific areas by doing exercises that target that area. You'll just have to overall lose weight. I have the same problem as you, couple extra pounds on the belly at the moment. Also, sit ups and crunches are not exactly the best in terms of ab exercises. Do leg raises.
 
Fëanor;38151199 said:
Problem for me is going to be if I can get a white lady interested in meeting a latino. I do love me a challenge!

As a white guy I'm not really in touch with struggles like that but as a white guy I wish I could date more non-white girls and I think if I was a white girl I'd be tired of white guys too. Only problem is non-whites always act more white than whites like to idealize.

Sorry for being horribly racist but maybe that helps. I think you should think of yourself as desirable for that very reason, because I certainly know I feel that way.


Can someone direct me to a place where I can learn to dress better? As of now I just where boots, jeans, and t-shirts/polo shirts. I feel like I look like a slob and need some guidance on this issue.

Sounds like it's a fitting issue maybe? Maybe wear tighter clothes? I notice I tend to want to go with looser fitting stuff that feels good and then I look slobby.

But anyways style is something I need to get right myself. Gonna take a look at those fashion sites myself and get inspired.
 
So following up on this. I said back "I'm doing good. How are you?" and all she wrote back was "I'm ok".

The fuck? Anyway. That was weird. Not sure how to take that so far.

I'm still wondering why she didn't follow up more and just put "I'm ok". Did she want me to ask her if anything is wrong? She keeps on replying more consistently to my drawings too. What is going on? Lol.

So I haven't initiated any contact with her after the break up and it's only been her starting up DS and asking me questions through it. I only texted her once afterwards and it didn't really go anywhere. All of the other times she did, but only through the game. Am I doing the right thing by not initiating questions and leaving her alone? It's been 2 months.

I feel like me being the one to try to talk to her would make me look like the weak one. So I've been quite distant from everything. Ugh. Roller coaster of emotions.

And it's not like I haven't tried to stop playing the game with her. If I don't play the moment she can she "nudges" me so the game sends me that message. And I know she does it since I play with other people and never see that message from them.

Fuck I need to get out more.. I don't know where to potentially meet more people and girls. I don't like bars too much, and my friends work late/opposite of me most days.
 
Well guys I find myself in a relationship again. At this point I'm out of the dating game.

Things have gone really well with the economist girl. She's really smart, confident, attractive and has a great style. She's a couple of years older than me, but that hasn't affected in any way. We're hanging out 2-3 times a week and always have a good time.
 
Fuck I need to get out more.. I don't know where to potentially meet more people and girls. I don't like bars too much, and my friends work late/opposite of me most days.

This is also my problem. That's why I turned to online dating. I couldn't agree more with the posters above talking about the fact any decent looking girls have hundreds of guys after them... If I was a girl I would absolutely love online dating, I'd take my pick of a handful of guys I liked the look of and just remove my profile, easy! Haha
 
This is also my problem. That's why I turned to online dating. I couldn't agree more with the posters above talking about the fact any decent looking girls have hundreds of guys after them... If I was a girl I would absolutely love online dating, I'd take my pick of a handful of guys I liked the look of and just remove my profile, easy! Haha

Yeah I tried that for a couple of days but didn't really like doing it online. Idk. Maybe I could give it another chance but right now it feels weird doing it.
 
with a lot of people i know going now that uni has finished i feel like im in the same position as you guys. not necessarily in terms of dating, just friends in general. might just start going to clubs/societies and starting anew or something.
 
God, it's weird going to other forums. It's like they talk about the same things that we do on these forums. On the first page i saw a Game of Thrones thread, a thread asking if The Wire or Breaking Bad was the better show, and about 5 other thread that look like duplicates from here. I wonder if they have somebody name Dogtime or something bizarre like that...
True. Or a dating thread where someone asks for gaming strategies and a poster suggests GAF. That would be trippy.

I'm still wondering why she didn't follow up more and just put "I'm ok". Did she want me to ask her if anything is wrong? She keeps on replying more consistently to my drawings too. What is going on? Lol.

So I haven't initiated any contact with her after the break up and it's only been her starting up DS and asking me questions through it. I only texted her once afterwards and it didn't really go anywhere. All of the other times she did, but only through the game. Am I doing the right thing by not initiating questions and leaving her alone? It's been 2 months.

I feel like me being the one to try to talk to her would make me look like the weak one. So I've been quite distant from everything. Ugh. Roller coaster of emotions.

And it's not like I haven't tried to stop playing the game with her. If I don't play the moment she can she "nudges" me so the game sends me that message. And I know she does it since I play with other people and never see that message from them.

Fuck I need to get out more.. I don't know where to potentially meet more people and girls. I don't like bars too much, and my friends work late/opposite of me most days.
She's playing games with you, both in the literal and figurative sense. As we've discussed in the past, she's trying to make sure she stays in your life in some capacity and right now this is the only way she can do it. She wants you to know she's still there, even if you two aren't together anymore. It's purely selfish on her part. In fact, if you meet someone in the coming months, I'd expect a call/text from her telling you she's not over you/made a mistake. Obviously, you'll need to write this off as another one of her games, but it's worth preparing yourself for. She doesn't like the idea of you moving on.

Do you have any friends you could reach out to that you haven't seen/spoken to in awhile? That's always a good way of increasing your social circle. You never know who they may introduce you to. Personally, I don't think bars are the right place to go to look, but you may have better success than I have in the past. Any co-workers you could hang out with? Or would that be weird?

Well guys I find myself in a relationship again. At this point I'm out of the dating game.

Things have gone really well with the economist girl. She's really smart, confident, attractive and has a great style. She's a couple of years older than me, but that hasn't affected in any way. We're hanging out 2-3 times a week and always have a good time.
Congratulations, man! The start of a relationship is always exciting. Sounds like you two are a good fit together. I wish you the best!
 
I'm still wondering why she didn't follow up more and just put "I'm ok". Did she want me to ask her if anything is wrong? She keeps on replying more consistently to my drawings too. What is going on? Lol.

So I haven't initiated any contact with her after the break up and it's only been her starting up DS and asking me questions through it. I only texted her once afterwards and it didn't really go anywhere. All of the other times she did, but only through the game. Am I doing the right thing by not initiating questions and leaving her alone? It's been 2 months.

I feel like me being the one to try to talk to her would make me look like the weak one. So I've been quite distant from everything. Ugh. Roller coaster of emotions.

And it's not like I haven't tried to stop playing the game with her. If I don't play the moment she can she "nudges" me so the game sends me that message. And I know she does it since I play with other people and never see that message from them.

Fuck I need to get out more.. I don't know where to potentially meet more people and girls. I don't like bars too much, and my friends work late/opposite of me most days.

She's playing games with you. Girls like to control people emotionally. You responding back in anyway makes her happy, not to hear from you per say but that you still care. Then she'll get a bf, tell you all about it etc, ask you advice. Fuck that jazz.

I would stop texting her, playing that game with her, all communication. If you can't then stop asking why she's doing what, we've told you she just wants the minimum amount of contact to keep herself in your mind, still being an influence.
 
Yeah I tried that for a couple of days but didn't really like doing it online. Idk. Maybe I could give it another chance but right now it feels weird doing it.

If I could give any advice, I'd say don't do it. I had confidence issues before, but since talking to girls online my self confidence has totally plummeted. Its so easy to be replaced and forgotten about its left me feeling totally worthless and confused. I wrack my brain trying to understand what I've done wrong when in reality.. I've not done anything wrong as such, just someone who they prefer is so easily accessible.
 
She's playing games with you, both in the literal and figurative sense. As we've discussed in the past, she's trying to make sure she stays in your life in some capacity and right now this is the only way she can do it. She wants you to know she's still there, even if you two aren't together anymore. It's purely selfish on her part. In fact, if you meet someone in the coming months, I'd expect a call/text from her telling you she's not over you/made a mistake. Obviously, you'll need to write this off as another one of her games, but it's worth preparing yourself for. She doesn't like the idea of you moving on.

Do you have any friends you could reach out to that you haven't seen/spoken to in awhile? That's always a good way of increasing your social circle. You never know who they may introduce you to. Personally, I don't think bars are the right place to go to look, but you may have better success than I have in the past. Any co-workers you could hang out with? Or would that be...

Yeah, I've talked about this before. Im sorry I just haven't been single for a long time and it's weird. I guess im rehashing my feelings and this stupid game isn't helping. Who knows what she is thinking.

It wouldn't be weird with my co workers really. Just need to hang out more I guess.

She's playing games with you. Girls like to control people emotionally. You responding back in anyway makes her happy, not to hear from you per say but that you still care. Then she'll get a bf, tell you all about it etc, ask you advice. Fuck that jazz.

I would stop texting her, playing that game with her, all communication. If you can't then stop asking why she's doing what, we've told you she just wants the minimum amount of contact to keep herself in your mind, still being an influence.

I texted her a while ago. Like a couple of months. And only twice. Just seeing how she was doing. But nothing like omg I miss you. Just casual.

I wonder what would happen if I just stopped responding?
 
why do you care what would happen?

5 years is a long time to throw away. I still have love for her even though she broke up with me. Would you not wonder the same if your ex fiancée was doing this? I never thought I would be with anyone else to be completely honest. It's just one of those things that's gotten better but not totally out of my mind.
 
Okay guys, it's me here again. I posted here about two weeks or so ago.

After a pretty bad break up and an attempt at trying to make it work again but failing. I'm actually starting to feel like myself again, which is absolutely great. I'm in high school at the moment and I'm wondering how long I should really leave it before trying something again?

There's a girl that I'm interested in but at the same time I'd prefer to be single for a while longer myself.
 
5 years is a long time to throw away. I still have love for her even though she broke up with me. Would you not wonder the same if your ex fiancée was doing this? I never thought I would be with anyone else to be completely honest. It's just one of those things that's gotten better but not totally out of my mind.
I don't think anyone expects you to just get up and throw away 5 years. You're right, 5 years is an incredibly long time and it's much easier said than done to just forget about all of that, especially in the timeframe you're in.

I think what Brent was trying to say is that you're not going to do yourself any favors by worrying about what would happen if you did x or y. You should be focusing more on yourself and less on her. It doesn't matter how she'd react to you if you stopped responding, because she's out of your life. You've moved on. Her responses don't concern you anymore and you're better off because of it. That's the mindset you need to get into anyway.

Okay guys, it's me here again. I posted here about two weeks or so ago.

After a pretty bad break up and an attempt at trying to make it work again but failing. I'm actually starting to feel like myself again, which is absolutely great. I'm in high school at the moment and I'm wondering how long I should really leave it before trying something again?

There's a girl that I'm interested in but at the same time I'd prefer to be single for a while longer myself.
You're the only one that's going to know the answer to that question. There's no timeline for these things. Some people move faster than others, some people move slower, nothing wrong with either.

Are you interested in her purely hook-up wise? Cause if so, I'd say go for it. Everyone needs a good rebound after getting out of a relationship. Now, if you're interested in her relationship wise, ask yourself this: are you legitimately interested in HER or are you interested in the relationship itself? Right now you have an emotional void that your ex left and you're probably trying to fill it with whatever you can. It might be fun for awhile, but soon you'll realize you're not actually over your ex and it will just make your situation even more complicated. You'd basically be postponing the recovery process with a large emotional distraction.

Think about it. First, I'd try and figure out where you're at in regards to your breakup and the recovery process. If you feel like you're ready, go for it. No harm in trying, just don't jump the gun. Nothing wrong in taking some you-time.
 
5 years is a long time to throw away. I still have love for her even though she broke up with me. Would you not wonder the same if your ex fiancée was doing this? I never thought I would be with anyone else to be completely honest. It's just one of those things that's gotten better but not totally out of my mind.

I was in a five year relationship and was engaged and how it ended was way mental. She's doing the same thing my ex is tring to do; trying to keep me some how in her life, while you still get the reminder of those old feelings and memories coming back. It's not going to go anytime soon, the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and trying to be active so you don't have the chance to dwell back onto the past. It's going to take time, that I do know but remember why you split up in the first place and how better you will be when you moved on and find someone better and being more happier with. Explore yourself, try more things and go out to places you wouldn't have thought on doing before. Take care of yourself and enjoy life, there's no need to question things and just keep her as an old memory.
 
Alright, I'm the biggest Douche out there...
I was with a girl for two months. We had a nice time together and everything was dandy, but i broke up with her a month ago, because i was not in love and I felt like she was developing deeper feelings for me. So to prevent it from growing more and more one-sided i stopped it early.
Now we are still hanging out together without it being awkward.
Yesterday I participated in an event she hosted by being a judge in a fun students comedy club. After the show a girl i fooled around with six months ago came up to me and we started drinking. It ended up in us fooling around again on a campus-field at 1 in the morning when my ex drove by speechless on her bike. Now im awake, having a headache and feeling like a guilty shitbag.

Please dont mark this a brag-post, thers nothign to brag on a subject like this. If I try to think what went on in the head of my ex whilst driving by i get showered by guilt and feel like shit, which is more than deserved.
 
Alright, I'm the biggest Douche out there...
I was with a girl for two months. We had a nice time together and everything was dandy, but i broke up with her a month ago, because i was not in love and I felt like she was developing deeper feelings for me. So to prevent it from growing more and more one-sided i stopped it early.
Now we are still hanging out together without it being awkward.
Yesterday I participated in an event she hosted by being a judge in a fun students comedy club. After the show a girl i fooled around with six months ago came up to me and we started drinking. It ended up in us fooling around again on a campus-field at 1 in the morning when my ex drove by speechless on her bike. Now im awake, having a headache and feeling like a guilty shitbag.

Please dont mark this a brag-post, thers nothign to brag on a subject like this. If I try to think what went on in the head of my ex whilst driving by i get showered by guilt and feel like shit, which is more than deserved.

Just text/phone her and apologise and just tell her the truth, she will respect you better for it and probably understand when you explain clearly and actually went out your way to talk about it so it doesn't get awkward.
 
Alright, I'm the biggest Douche out there...
I was with a girl for two months. We had a nice time together and everything was dandy, but i broke up with her a month ago, because i was not in love and I felt like she was developing deeper feelings for me. So to prevent it from growing more and more one-sided i stopped it early.
Now we are still hanging out together without it being awkward.
Yesterday I participated in an event she hosted by being a judge in a fun students comedy club. After the show a girl i fooled around with six months ago came up to me and we started drinking. It ended up in us fooling around again on a campus-field at 1 in the morning when my ex drove by speechless on her bike. Now im awake, having a headache and feeling like a guilty shitbag.

Please dont mark this a brag-post, thers nothign to brag on a subject like this. If I try to think what went on in the head of my ex whilst driving by i get showered by guilt and feel like shit, which is more than deserved.

But...she's your ex...so what? You don't think she's getting bombarded by suitors at this point? Fuck that shit, be happy that A. you got some B. your ex got to see that

Ahuahuahuahua
 
GAF if you were single and met a lovely girl in your language class, got on well, flirted, sat together all the time and wanted to ask her our for a drink...

...but found out while talking that she is a massive Christian, like spend all Sunday in church Christian, what would you do?

(assuming you yourself were a giant atheist)
 
GAF if you were single and met a lovely girl in your language class, got on well, flirted, sat together all the time and wanted to ask her our for a drink...

...but found out while talking that she is a massive Christian, like spend all Sunday in church Christian, what would you do?

(assuming you yourself were a giant atheist)

Do not go there, bro. Blv me, its not worth it. She will say yes and you will date etc. but it will go absolutly nowhere. God I'm happy germany has so few christian people, especially up north...

Just text/phone her and apologise and just tell her the truth, she will respect you better for it and probably understand when you explain clearly and actually went out your way to talk about it so it doesn't get awkward.

yea, that is prolly best. i may see her today, would be better to do it in person.

But...she's your ex...so what? You don't think she's getting bombarded by suitors at this point? Fuck that shit, be happy that A. you got some B. your ex got to see that

Ahuahuahuahua

I am happy that i got some, even if its a pretty crazy chick (which is why im drawn to her). still it must be a shitty feeling to see your ex making out in the night on campus with s/o you dont know. its plain douchy.
 
Alright Dating-Age.

Going up to Vancouver today for the weekend.

I suck with the ladies because I never put myself out there and approach.

This is a perfect opportunity to work on that because I'll be in another country and the dudes I'm going up with won't give a shit if I get shut down, and I'll never see the girls again.

I'm probably going to be pretty drunk all three nights, but we're going clubbing every night.

My good friend (female) is practically begging me to put myself out there on this trip and just see what happens, even if it goes nowhere.

Any extra motivation or sage advice or anything at all would be appreciated!
 
Do not go there, bro. Blv me, its not worth it. She will say yes and you will date etc. but it will go absolutly nowhere. God I'm happy germany has so few christian people, especially up north...



yea, that is prolly best. i may see her today, would be better to do it in person.



I am happy that i got some, even if its a pretty crazy chick (which is why im drawn to her). still it must be a shitty feeling to see your ex making out in the night on campus with s/o you dont know. its plain douchy.

Pff, you aren't together, there is nothing to feel guilty about IMO.
 
Alright Dating-Age.

Going up to Vancouver today for the weekend.

I suck with the ladies because I never put myself out there and approach.

This is a perfect opportunity to work on that because I'll be in another country and the dudes I'm going up with won't give a shit if I get shut down, and I'll never see the girls again.

I'm probably going to be pretty drunk all three nights, but we're going clubbing every night.

My good friend (female) is practically begging me to put myself out there on this trip and just see what happens, even if it goes nowhere.

Any extra motivation or sage advice or anything at all would be appreciated!

Just have a few drinks so you feel more at ease and just go up to girls and make conversation/dance. Be confident with yourself and just have fun and be relaxed. All that is what you need and the rest will do itself :)
 
GAF if you were single and met a lovely girl in your language class, got on well, flirted, sat together all the time and wanted to ask her our for a drink...

...but found out while talking that she is a massive Christian, like spend all Sunday in church Christian, what would you do?

(assuming you yourself were a giant atheist)

fOHVm.gif


Not worth it, man, you'll just get sick after a while.
 
5 years is a long time to throw away. I still have love for her even though she broke up with me. Would you not wonder the same if your ex fiancée was doing this? I never thought I would be with anyone else to be completely honest. It's just one of those things that's gotten better but not totally out of my mind.

bottomline, you're still attached in some way to her, and not moving on.


attachment = suffering
 
I don't think anyone expects you to just get up and throw away 5 years. You're right, 5 years is an incredibly long time and it's much easier said than done to just forget about all of that, especially in the timeframe you're in.

I think what Brent was trying to say is that you're not going to do yourself any favors by worrying about what would happen if you did x or y. You should be focusing more on yourself and less on her. It doesn't matter how she'd react to you if you stopped responding, because she's out of your life. You've moved on. Her responses don't concern you anymore and you're better off because of it. That's the mindset you need to get into anyway.

I was in a five year relationship and was engaged and how it ended was way mental. She's doing the same thing my ex is tring to do; trying to keep me some how in her life, while you still get the reminder of those old feelings and memories coming back. It's not going to go anytime soon, the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and trying to be active so you don't have the chance to dwell back onto the past. It's going to take time, that I do know but remember why you split up in the first place and how better you will be when you moved on and find someone better and being more happier with. Explore yourself, try more things and go out to places you wouldn't have thought on doing before. Take care of yourself and enjoy life, there's no need to question things and just keep her as an old memory.
Yeah. It's true she's out of it and stuff. It just still hurts. She said to me the night she broke up to not delete her off of Facebook and not to talk bad about her to my friends. Me taking her off of FB was because of the way she was posting things on there. It was super happy and she was using the words perfect and I'm so lucky, etc. I wasn't healing.

Anyway, yesterday was a bad day. I've put my
Ex on a pedestal even though she's hurt me. First of all it's made me think that she can go out and find a perfect guy on her days off. I didn't think she would be with another guy, and all I can think about now is her in situations with this perfect guy doing stuff with him and having sex and looking up and kissing him with passion. I don't know any of this for sure and I don't want to know, but I get vivid descriptions of what they do in my head and for some reason it makes me incredibly upset. That this guy, even though I treated her fantastic, is going to just do things 20 times better than I ever did. It's a terrible situation I'm in regarding my visions.
All the while I know I shouldn't care, I know it's none of my concern, I know I did my absolute best in this relationship regarding letting her do stuff, giving her money, we never fought, we had the same interests, I was there with her through very pivitol points in her life, graduation/deaths. Etc. but for some reason those visions of her and another guy(s) I can't seem to get out of my head. It has made me feel crazy.

Also thank you guys for being here talking with me and stuff. I know I've been talking about it all of the time. But it's been crazy and the hardest time in my life. I guess Gaf is just my security that I can go off and talk about it to lol.
 
Yeah. It's true she's out of it and stuff. It just still hurts. She said to me the night she broke up to not delete her off of Facebook and not to talk bad about her to my friends. Me taking her off of FB was because of the way she was posting things on there. It was super happy and she was using the words perfect and I'm so lucky, etc. I wasn't healing.

Anyway, yesterday was a bad day. I've put my
Ex on a pedestal even though she's hurt me. First of all it's made me think that she can go out and find a perfect guy on her days off. I didn't think she would be with another guy, and all I can think about now is her in situations with this perfect guy doing stuff with him and having sex and looking up and kissing him with passion. I don't know any of this for sure and I don't want to know, but I get vivid descriptions of what they do in my head and for some reason it makes me incredibly upset. That this guy, even though I treated her fantastic, is going to just do things 20 times better than I ever did. It's a terrible situation I'm in regarding my visions.
All the while I know I shouldn't care, I know it's none of my concern, I know I did my absolute best in this relationship regarding letting her do stuff, giving her money, we never fought, we had the same interests, I was there with her through very pivitol points in her life, graduation/deaths. Etc. but for some reason those visions of her and another guy(s) I can't seem to get out of my head. It has made me feel crazy.

Also thank you guys for being here talking with me and stuff. I know I've been talking about it all of the time. But it's been crazy and the hardest time in my life. I guess Gaf is just my security that I can go off and talk about it to lol.

Draw a picture of a vagina on draw something and send it to her.
 
5 years is a long time to throw away. I still have love for her even though she broke up with me. Would you not wonder the same if your ex fiancée was doing this? I never thought I would be with anyone else to be completely honest. It's just one of those things that's gotten better but not totally out of my mind.

Well, my ex fiance broke up with me after four year. let me use the term fiance very losely, it was a stupid thing to do at a way too young age. I went through anger and desperation, but i was lucky that i had the possibility to cut all ties and meet old and new friends. i moved back to my hometown and went back to school, to be able to study at a university. this i would not have made if we'd stay together. over the last 6 years i met hundrets of people i like, i started a radio show, i host parties, dj and do whatnot else. now if i look at what id be doing if i would still be with her i can guarantee that i would do a boring 9-5 job with underpaid workours, i would have only her and a small range of weird casual friends and i would year after year get more depressed.
How can i state that, maybe it wouldve been perfekt to be just with her. Well if your in your early 20s and you slowly find out what you want from life, you can get an idea over the year what it is. Inbefore everything else i need motion. I need to overwork myself with projects i love and farm the success. this is what drives me and i purely love it.
Now i still have casual facebook-chat contact with her every couple of months where we just catch up and talk about where we are at life. There has not been much of a change either in her character nor her lifestyle, so i can guess it would be very similair to where i left off. The thought alone to imagine myself now in that position makes me really sad. By no means i condemn any lifestyle or the need to stay the way you are but it is just nothing for me and i have concluded that by being dumped. To conclude i am really thankful to her for doing that because it initiated giant changes in my life that made me truely happy.

but sure, if my future self wouldve written me that in the first weeks of the breakup i wouldnt believe a single word. take it or leave it, a breakup after many years can be the start to something way better. just my two cents.
 
Yeah. It's true she's out of it and stuff. It just still hurts. She said to me the night she broke up to not delete her off of Facebook and not to talk bad about her to my friends. Me taking her off of FB was because of the way she was posting things on there. It was super happy and she was using the words perfect and I'm so lucky, etc. I wasn't healing.

Anyway, yesterday was a bad day. I've put my
Ex on a pedestal even though she's hurt me. First of all it's made me think that she can go out and find a perfect guy on her days off. I didn't think she would be with another guy, and all I can think about now is her in situations with this perfect guy doing stuff with him and having sex and looking up and kissing him with passion. I don't know any of this for sure and I don't want to know, but I get vivid descriptions of what they do in my head and for some reason it makes me incredibly upset. That this guy, even though I treated her fantastic, is going to just do things 20 times better than I ever did. It's a terrible situation I'm in regarding my visions.
All the while I know I shouldn't care, I know it's none of my concern, I know I did my absolute best in this relationship regarding letting her do stuff, giving her money, we never fought, we had the same interests, I was there with her through very pivitol points in her life, graduation/deaths. Etc. but for some reason those visions of her and another guy(s) I can't seem to get out of my head. It has made me feel crazy.

Also thank you guys for being here talking with me and stuff. I know I've been talking about it all of the time. But it's been crazy and the hardest time in my life. I guess Gaf is just my security that I can go off and talk about it to lol.


perfectly normal. You just need time and those feelings will lessen whether you want them to or not. Stop playing words with friends with her for now and stop letting her into your life. You will heal much faster.

This was a first love correct?
 
perfectly normal. You just need time and those feelings will lessen whether you want them to or not. Stop playing words with friends with her for now and stop letting her into your life. You will heal much faster.

This was a first love correct?

I'd imagine it is as I've had my first love and everything he has described and said has been the exact same feelings and thoughts that went, and some still, going on. All you need to know is the new drive to do better and you will go further in life and find someone better and be more happier for it. Block her, remove her from Facebook and other contacted methods. Don't let her get to you right now and go and find new things.
 
GAF if you were single and met a lovely girl in your language class, got on well, flirted, sat together all the time and wanted to ask her our for a drink...

...but found out while talking that she is a massive Christian, like spend all Sunday in church Christian, what would you do?

(assuming you yourself were a giant atheist)

Yeah, no.
 
Alright Dating-Age.

Going up to Vancouver today for the weekend.

I suck with the ladies because I never put myself out there and approach.

This is a perfect opportunity to work on that because I'll be in another country and the dudes I'm going up with won't give a shit if I get shut down, and I'll never see the girls again.

I'm probably going to be pretty drunk all three nights, but we're going clubbing every night.

My good friend (female) is practically begging me to put myself out there on this trip and just see what happens, even if it goes nowhere.

Any extra motivation or sage advice or anything at all would be appreciated!

Vancouver? If you do yoga and like the outdoors, you'll be fine.
 
GAF if you were single and met a lovely girl in your language class, got on well, flirted, sat together all the time and wanted to ask her our for a drink...

...but found out while talking that she is a massive Christian, like spend all Sunday in church Christian, what would you do?

(assuming you yourself were a giant atheist)

I don't even bother messaging girls who say 'serious' about Christianity on dating sites, even if they're super hot and everything else is perfect.

If she's real serious about her religion odds are you won't get any before marriage either (some Christian girls are the 'sluttiest' I know but you make it sound like she's not that way).
 
I don't even bother messaging girls who say 'serious' about Christianity on dating sites, even if they're super hot and everything else is perfect.

If she's real serious about her religion odds are you won't get any before marriage either (some Christian girls are the 'sluttiest' I know but you make it sound like she's not that way).

I remembered a good friend of mine dated a Catholic girl who was VP of the catholic organization at my university. She was a virgin and everything. After he popped her cherry, she became insane. I have heard so many stories, and I saw him almost murdered once by her when he was ending the relationship with her.

I.e. Don't break a Christian's girl cherry, or you may regret it. Regardless how crazy she is in the sack.
 
Just had the second date yesterday, I think things are going well! I probably sound like a kid saying this, but I went for the hand hold and she was fine with it. Still haven't kissed yet.
 
Just had the second date yesterday, I think things are going well! I probably sound like a kid saying this, but I went for the hand hold and she was fine with it. Still haven't kissed yet.

Feh don't worry about how you stand, you're making progress and that's cool! You're probably good for that kiss when you go for it!
 
It was the day of final exams and I finish early. Basically the last day of class.

Back in February I asked out this one girl and she flaked on me and I ignored her ever since (with an exception of some small talk)

I leave the classroom when others are still taking the test, she whispers to me, "Have a great summer, we should hang out sometime."

Bear in mind this was a classroom environment during a FINAL and she was willing to say that and I was ready to leave and all I ever did in response was the whole "call me" hand gesture and she nodded. Now I called her number once and It was in February so I doubt she has my number.

Should I start seeing this chick and call her up over the weekend? Or should I stay ignoring her? Seems to be that ignoring somewhat attracted her to me I guess...

Alright it's been about 4 days and finals are over, and I'm constantly on the fence about going ahead and calling the girl at this rate. On the fence about jumping the gun too soon and just generally ignoring out of sheer principle. Ugh.
 
I am having some pre-dating jitters before my second date tonight. I'm going to drive over to a park and read for a bit to soothe myself. I know I'll rock it, but it doesn't prevent me from being slightly nervous.

Movie + Scotch+ her place=Probably a fun night.
 
So I got a message from a girl in okcupid. Kind of don't know what to make of it.

My relationship of 6 years ended 3 weeks ago and I figure I would give myself some months for healing time. Fast forward to earlier on the week and I make an okcupid account and now I have a message lol. :/

I really don't know what to make of it.
 
Fëanor;38205237 said:
So I got a message from a girl in okcupid. Kind of don't know what to make of it.

My relationship of 6 years ended 3 weeks ago and I figure I would give myself some months for healing time. Fast forward to earlier on the week and I make an okcupid account and now I have a message lol. :/

I really don't know what to make of it.

Look in all probibility you aren't ready for a new relationship. This is not going to work out. If you just want to get your dick set cause you are lonely go for it. This is a rebound relationship. Just know it.
 
I don't have much of a problem attracting women and getting them to genuinely like me, but almost without fail, soon after we get to that point, they run away.

Clearly I'm doing something wrong to cause this, because it's happened at least 4 times just in the past year, but I'll be damned if I know what it is.

Are there any common things I might be doing that would cause this, or are more details needed?
 
. just my two cents.
Thanks. I'm going to try to better myself and be happy from this, I know it will be hard but I just need to stop second guessing myself about taking her off of FB, and just live life. Shes out of it. And if she wants to message me she knows exactly where I am.

Draw a picture of a vagina on draw something and send it to her.
LOL.

perfectly normal. You just need time and those feelings will lessen whether you want them to or not. Stop playing words with friends with her for now and stop letting her into your life. You will heal much faster.

This was a first love correct?

It's hard to say if this was a first love or not. I met her while trying to get over an ex that I had been with for 2 years. I felt like I loved her too. My ex fiancee felt like that person you meet that's so much better for you than the person you had before, and I went through the same feelings with my ex of 2 years before my ex fiancee.

I just felt more connected to my ex fiancee since it was easy as hell with her. I didnt have to worry about anything at all. We just were and it felt natural. We were engaged from 20-24 and it flew by. I was ready to get married like we had been talking about for a while. Her dad even had the money he told us. Thats another thing that hurts, is that her Dads side loved me like family, and its going to suck not seeing them. Years passed like months but now that its over It's taking a long time to heal.

Today I just broke my Facebook silence, seeing as I was off the grid for a while on there after the break up. People were kind of asking around if I was ok since I posted a lot while we were together and it just stopped. Going to take some new pics maybe and get some new clothes to try and make me feel better about myself lol.
 
Just had the second date yesterday, I think things are going well! I probably sound like a kid saying this, but I went for the hand hold and she was fine with it. Still haven't kissed yet.

Hard truth. How old are you? If you are over 16 make a move. Honestly a woman that is with a man that doesn't make a move is going to wonder what's up. You are going to end up in the friend zone real quick if you don't do something. I always let girls know my intentions from the begging. Here is a true story.

I was at an Octoberfest last year. I had two girls in my zone. A 6 and an 8. I was playing them off each other. (this works all the time because girls are always worried about their appearance.) the 6 said "what would you do if a girl came up to you and said "wanna make out right now?"

Fools would stumble. This is what I did.

I said. Do you guys really want to know? They said yes.

I grabbed the 8s pony tail and pulled it back and kissed her on the neck. I said that's where I would start then excused myself. I texted the 8 later and fucked her and then the 6 later and fucker her too.

The point of this being is always make sure the girl knows your intention. Don't just hang out on the periphery too long.
 
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