Yeah. It's true she's out of it and stuff. It just still hurts. She said to me the night she broke up to not delete her off of Facebook and not to talk bad about her to my friends. Me taking her off of FB was because of the way she was posting things on there. It was super happy and she was using the words perfect and I'm so lucky, etc. I wasn't healing.
Anyway, yesterday was a bad day. I've put my
Ex on a pedestal even though she's hurt me. First of all it's made me think that she can go out and find a perfect guy on her days off. I didn't think she would be with another guy, and all I can think about now is her in situations with this perfect guy doing stuff with him and having sex and looking up and kissing him with passion. I don't know any of this for sure and I don't want to know, but I get vivid descriptions of what they do in my head and for some reason it makes me incredibly upset. That this guy, even though I treated her fantastic, is going to just do things 20 times better than I ever did. It's a terrible situation I'm in regarding my visions.
All the while I know I shouldn't care, I know it's none of my concern, I know I did my absolute best in this relationship regarding letting her do stuff, giving her money, we never fought, we had the same interests, I was there with her through very pivitol points in her life, graduation/deaths. Etc. but for some reason those visions of her and another guy(s) I can't seem to get out of my head. It has made me feel crazy.
Also thank you guys for being here talking with me and stuff. I know I've been talking about it all of the time. But it's been crazy and the hardest time in my life. I guess Gaf is just my security that I can go off and talk about it to lol.