Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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Hypereides
Member
My father is 10 years younger than my mother. The age didnt make a difference.
I'd say go for it, theres nothing wrong with that. But my preference is women that at least 5 years younger than me.
anyone else have a problem of .. just being too neutral when getting to know girls that are date/partner material?
I mean, either you act like the desperate Don Juan/Casanova/whatever that hasn't had sex in 3 months right away or it's over, you are friendzoned for life. It's hard to get them to notice you the way you want to be noticed...
should we be asking for facebook friendships so we can flirt with them eaiser through messages?? Sounds lame.
I mean, either you act like the desperate Don Juan/Casanova/whatever that hasn't had sex in 3 months right away or it's over, you are friendzoned for life. It's hard to get them to notice you the way you want to be noticed...
should we be asking for facebook friendships so we can flirt with them eaiser through messages?? Sounds lame.
Hypereides
Member
Its just a shame that luck doesnt actually translate to experience as such though.
I dont even
my mind is full of f after reading this. This has to be one the least effective indicators Ive read in a long time. Or attraction builders for that matter.
Smelly Tramp
Member
so a quick update:
I've been using the "don't give a fuck" approach. Haven't contacted her since.
woke up today, money has been paid into my account
yes.what do i do if she wants to chat this weekend? just continue not giving a fuck? i quite like this attitude, this is what i was like before this whole relationship!
shinshoryuken
Member
Like I said, just trying to help. No one here is actually an expert on this.
Its subtle enough technique that it won't hurt.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
so a quick update:
I've been using the "don't give a fuck" approach. Haven't contacted her since.
woke up today, money has been paid into my account
what do i do if she wants to chat this weekend? just continue not giving a fuck? i quite like this attitude, this is what i was like before this whole relationship!
Tramp stop being cocky and being smug about it. There's no need for that arrogance and attitude my man.
Smelly Tramp
Member
alright man, i'll try. can't help if i feel good though.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
It's always good to keep your character integrity and be humble about things. Sure it's nice to feel good but remember to try an at least a bit respectful if the person was to you as well.
Smelly Tramp
Member
hey you act like i'm the one who did the cheating. someone who cheats has no character or integrity, and she certainly hasn't been humble to me in her messages, so fuck her i guess?
why should i be like that for a person who doesn't deserve it?
There's a difference between standing your ground and being an asshole. You were firm about the money, and she has paid you back. Why hold a grudge? You should be like that for a person who doesn't deserve it because you're better than her.
One rule I like to operate by:
Always assume that you, as the guy, have to make the first move.
If you tell a girl to call/text/whatever you, and they say yeah, they won't. You have to do it yourself. It sucks, but too many girls simply will not act until you take the initiative.
Find a way to meet her again in person and get the number. Then call her yourself. At least this is what you should have done.
Our friendship developed really fast actually. From the time we really started talking and getting close to the time we started dating, it had only been...maybe 2 months max. We just connected so well. Was talking to her last night and it almost seems like she regrets it. Saying how she hates herself for not being able to see herself with me. How good of a boyfriend I was. Things like that make me feel a little better about not being with her anymore
The Antitype
Banned
Seems to me like you're too attached to the outcome of the conversations then. And why wait and hope for them to call you? You've got a life to live, right?
That's a refreshing outlook. Next time I'll try it.
I'm debating whether it would work at a resto that I visit frequently. Might be awkward on repeat visits, especially if she tells her coworkers I left a number.
Ah whatever.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
This happens regardless of race. One Asian guy in a predominantly white area? They'll get attention.
You're different. You're interesting.
Notice the similarity to dating in general? Be an interesting person and people will want to get to know you.
I still call BS on shinshoryuken's "advice". Asian girls want a mix baby? Maybe if they're heavily traditional or something.
It'll have a higher chance of working if you believe it will do so and don't feel weird about it
I'm not suggesting you go up and say "Hey, I'm The Antitype, heres my number!", even though that could work as well If you're doing something cool during the weekend, maybe strike up a conversation about that and see what her reaction is. If she's into it, it's not so far fetched that you could say something like "Oh, you can tag along if you want to" or something similar, which could easily lead into a number exchange. Or something along the lines of "shoot me a text if you're interested in that party" or whatever If she's not taking the bait, move on, it was just a friendly conversation anyway and it shouldn't turn awkward if the only point was to have a nice chat.LordPhoque
Banned
Date went pretty well. We went to the museum as planned. I wasn't very comfortable first because I don't know shit about art. But I cracked a lot of jokes and it made her laugh. Then we went for a coffee and we talked for more then an hour. We talked about a lot of stuff, I don't know if it's good or not that she talked about her past relationships, I stayed vague even though she asked me about it. I didn't kiss her at the end since I thought it wasn't the right time. Overall, I thought both of our level interests were the same as before at the end of the date. She mentioned going to the museum again this week and asked me if I wanted to come, only it was with one of her (male) friends, which I know and I just can't stand. I think I'll just ask her out for something else in the next days though.
shinshoryuken
Member
I'm not here to argue with anyone, just want to share my insight.
I am Asian myself...and when I asked that question to my friends, that's the answer that came up the most.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
the thing is, before you have tried it and seen the mess it can lead to you don't think about this logical. you always go; "yeah they say you shouldn't do it... but im horny nooooowwwwwww"
when your horny you dont think so far ahead. you dont think about what will happen if/when your not with the other person. you dont think about the gossip and the coworkers who find out, the awkwardness, the possibility of jealousy if you or the other person dates OTHER people from work making it even more of a clusterfuck.
people get involved at work for the same reasons they get involved in high schools - its easy. you already know the persons, and have met them, and its just easier to break the ice than go find someone on your own terms. if your working with someone, logically there is a strong possibility that you have similarities in your characters because of the shared company, profession, or mutual friends/coworkers.
I had a fantastic job, and I couldn't keep it out of company ink when chance arose. I don't regret it because it was a learning experience, and it was a fantasy to fuck a coworker in a cubicle like in the pornos - However, it could have gotten much more measy and i handled the breakup very poorly. but such a good learning experience.
but it was such a high status job. people are crazy in career jobs. my coworkers were badmouthing me behind my back while i was at the hospital for a month. the fuck!?
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I wish I knew how to gain confidence. I try playing sports but I suck and the people I'm playing with look down on me as a result, I try going to the gym but I all I see are a bunch of guys that are super buff while I'm there messing around with light weights, and if I talk to girls it's just failure.
At least most of you guys with problems got friends, don't even look bad, etc and you just psych yourselves out. For me it feels I got a thousand hurdles to jump.
At least most of you guys with problems got friends, don't even look bad, etc and you just psych yourselves out. For me it feels I got a thousand hurdles to jump.
The Antitype
Banned
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Everybody starts out small in a gym. Everybody has a first day. It's not a great place to meet girls if you're not confident in your body, so ignore them until you are. As for the guys, who cares what they think of your body? You don't want to fuck them, so their opinion is meaningless.
As for sports, ok, you're not good at sports. Join a beer league, where the point is only barely related to sports, and more about having fun and drinking. Do other stuff to meet women - take a cooking class, or a photography class, go to the park on a nice day and start painting... literally anything, they'll come up to you, go to a wine tasting or a concert, learn to play the guitar... THAT could get you laid at a Nunnery even if you had a 2inch dick.
The more you pour yourself into things that have nothing to do with women, and everything to do with making you happy, the better off you'll be.
It's much easier to BECOME interesting than it is to pretend to be interesting.
So.... has anyone here ever been put in the friend zone by a hooker?
http://i.imgur.com/HddJv.png
Everybody starts out small in a gym. Everybody has a first day. It's not a great place to meet girls if you're not confident in your body, so ignore them until you are. As for the guys, who cares what they think of your body? You don't want to fuck them, so their opinion is meaningless.
As for sports, ok, you're not good at sports. Join a beer league, where the point is only barely related to sports, and more about having fun and drinking. Do other stuff to meet women - take a cooking class, or a photography class, go to the park on a nice day and start painting... literally anything, they'll come up to you, go to a wine tasting or a concert, learn to play the guitar... THAT could get you laid at a Nunnery even if you had a 2inch dick.
The more you pour yourself into things that have nothing to do with women, and everything to do with making you happy, the better off you'll be.
It's much easier to BECOME interesting than it is to pretend to be interesting.
So.... has anyone here ever been put in the friend zone by a hooker?
http://i.imgur.com/HddJv.png
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Maybe they come up to you because you're Bradley Cooper's doppleganger but I could be out there juggling in one hand, painting a Monet in the other, and playing guitar with my feet and they might find it interesting but not enough to be attracted. I've already tried a couple of those things you mentioned besides the stuff involving drinking and it's mostly gone nowhere.
Im getting fucking desperate. I've been putting forth more of an effort in the socializing aspect of my life, as well as continuing 2+ years at the gym and self improvement. And getting nowhere, and im getting frustrated. All that 'oh don't care and shit will come to you' is bullshit so i don't buy it.
Been sending a bunch of messages on cupid and girls respond and then literally disappear after the 2nd or 3rd message. Seriously, don't respond to my first message if you are going to be lazy about it. I don't turn into a monster on my next reply. I'm tempted right now to call this one girl out who gave me a really enthusiastic first reply and then didn't reply on my response and hastn for like a week now. I mean we were such a close match. I literally want to ask what is it about me that turned her off because all the fucking women do this shit.
Heck i'm even going out to bars after work with co-workers and having no luck there. I'm gonna go insane.
Been sending a bunch of messages on cupid and girls respond and then literally disappear after the 2nd or 3rd message. Seriously, don't respond to my first message if you are going to be lazy about it. I don't turn into a monster on my next reply. I'm tempted right now to call this one girl out who gave me a really enthusiastic first reply and then didn't reply on my response and hastn for like a week now. I mean we were such a close match. I literally want to ask what is it about me that turned her off because all the fucking women do this shit.
Heck i'm even going out to bars after work with co-workers and having no luck there. I'm gonna go insane.
limiting beliefs
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Are you funny and keep it short and ask just one question?
Getting first responses at all is a good sign. You should look at the positives rather than getting down on yourself because you can't keep it going. Most men don't even get the first reply.
You don't go to the gym to talk to girls or impress the guys. The buff guys are not mocking you behind their backs, they likely don't even notice you because you are not
a) Female
b) Hot
So you don't even appear on their radar. So stop being self-conscious when there's no need to be and keep at the gym.
In bold are things that girls can sniff out like a dog, and it's probably working against you.
If you seem desperate for a relationship, a girl is going to think that you don't see anything particularly special about her. So why should she get into that kind of relationship?
'oh don't care and shit will come to you' doesn't mean sit around and do nothing. It means have a life that is successful enough that dating is not a priority. It's like a Chinese finger trap (for me, at least): If you pull too hard, you'll get nowhere. If you don't do anything, you'll get nowhere. But if you ease out, you'll get somewhere.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I'll be going back. I'm paying for it so I might as well use it and see how far I can take it but it's not a place of confidence. Hell, my body is 100 times better than it was even a year ago and it hasn't changed much regarding my confidence and how people see me. I fear my face/body are beyond redemption and I am not rich/cool/or amazingly interesting enough to overcome it. I really wish I knew someone who didn't look great but still got girls (or people to like them in general) so I could get an idea of how they do it.
You are absolutely right, but the fact of the nature is that most girls would prefer that guys make the first move anyways, even if this 'rule' doesn't hold as much weight as it once used to. A bunch of posts scattered throughout the thread of guys grieving about girls not calling them back would anecdotal support this, don't you think? Again, I hate it just as much you may seem to.
Regardless of what I just said, what do you mean specifically by 'limiting'? I want to make sure we're on the same page here.
Attackthebase
Member
Pretty much this. I only take notice in the good-looking women during my boxing regimes. Even then, it's usually a glance, and I go back to work focusing on my techniques and breathing. Most people who go to the gym don't give a shit that you're there, we're just too focus on our workout.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Don't worry about Cubsfan23's posts he just comes in here linking self-help or PUA videos with guys like Brent Smith. Of course Brent Smith gets women he's handsome as hell especially for his age. I once asked him somewhere to show me a guy like George Costanza doing the same things and he just deflected.
I'm aware of who Cubsfan and you are, I read every post in this thread, I just hardly post myself.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I would like to say that, contrary to my previous drunk woe-is-me posts, I've been doing well for myself over the past month or so. Working out has made me feel great, and I've not felt afraid or psyched myself out of talking to girls.
In fact I've gotten 2 numbers in the past seven days, though I'm not expecting anything out of it. It just feels better that I'm actually acting on my nads and making approaches and flirting, even if I'm not getting dates or laid from it.
In fact I've gotten 2 numbers in the past seven days, though I'm not expecting anything out of it. It just feels better that I'm actually acting on my nads and making approaches and flirting, even if I'm not getting dates or laid from it.
hawkshockey11
Banned
I know the thread got locked and there is no scientific evidence that it works, but have you tried "no porn?" It seems to have a lot of anecdotal evidence that it increases confidence across the board.
The Planet Fitness I use to go to was pretty strict on assholes trying to look down upon other people. They didn't judge you. They had a personal trainer there who'd basically give you a review of your body, ask you want you want, and guide you in that direction.
Think if they heard to loud of grunting, they'd sound a horn for them to stop. They have a section for people with extremely busy schedules, but of course need a good workout (30min area), so you got those people.
I see people running on treadmills in blue jeans and a fucking sweater. Bizarre, yes. But I am just glad to see people being active. That's all that matters.
Also, it helps a lot if you have a workout buddy, and probably started doing push ups/pull ups/ running at home.
Think if they heard to loud of grunting, they'd sound a horn for them to stop. They have a section for people with extremely busy schedules, but of course need a good workout (30min area), so you got those people.
I see people running on treadmills in blue jeans and a fucking sweater. Bizarre, yes. But I am just glad to see people being active. That's all that matters.
Also, it helps a lot if you have a workout buddy, and probably started doing push ups/pull ups/ running at home.
What the fuck lol
I can only imagine a bunch of hipsters running to the front desk screaming "SOUND THE HORN QUICK!"
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I've been following your posts and this is the kind of success I like to see.
I don't look at the stuff very often myself and after looking into the thread I realized my problems ran deeper than that. A lot of those guys were either addicts or just in a kind of rut, my lack of confidence goes a lot deeper than that.
windowlurker
Banned
Bet they had those hip hope thug dudes who rap so loud when they work out, head bobbing and shit raising that grunt level up.
I have come to the conclusion that I am incompatible with all men.
Men seem to want to sleep with someone after a date or two. I guess that's reasonable, seeing as how we're all adults. I'm too old to want a relationship for a few months before having sex with someone, so.
I'm done! Lol. Whatever. I've gone 24 years with nothing, it really doesn't matter anymore.
Men seem to want to sleep with someone after a date or two. I guess that's reasonable, seeing as how we're all adults. I'm too old to want a relationship for a few months before having sex with someone, so.
I'm done! Lol. Whatever. I've gone 24 years with nothing, it really doesn't matter anymore.
Surely it's not a "relationship" if there's not at least some sexual attraction between you and a man. That's a friendship. What's making you want to wait so long?
Ok.
Stop with the confidence issues.
Here's the secret: NO ONE CARES.
Neither should you. Who cares what others think? They're going to be gone in 10 minutes into their own lives and not care about you. In 10 years they'll be old and fat and not remember you. In 100 years they'll be dead and none of this will matter.
Now, that sounds morbid. But I disagree: it means that you need to stop caring about what others think because THEY DON'T MATTER. There's no time to waste on that.
Here's a tip: I'm ugly as hell. I get dates. No, I do not date supermodels. No, I am not a Casanova or popular or cool. I'm just some random ugly dude. Some of the girls I date aren't going to be jaw droppers. Some girls would be, yes, it's mean, called ugly by others. But WHO CARES?
You want to know how I do it? After years of rejection and derision for being ugly as a dead frog, I just stopped CARING what others think.
Now, this doesn't mean you become a recluse or start acting stupid in public. It means the only person's opinion you need to care about is yourself. You need to look at yourself and go "Yeah, I'm not too bad." If you can't do that, why should someone else? You can't look to someone else for validation, because they'll be doing the same with you.
Now, of course, someday this opinion needs to mature and settle down and I would have to care about my potential partner/wife/etc's feelings, but this is the dating thread, not the mature-marriage-planning thread. That's a whole different world.
So. Again. I'm ugly as a dead toad, but I get dates just by not caring soooo much. Turned down? Ah well, move on to the next. Turned down? Ah well, move on to the next.
I guarantee, GUARANTEE, if you asked out girls randomly all day, just every girl you see, you WOULD get at least one date. Sure, it may come to nothing. But at least you had the experience.
Get off the internet and get into real life before you really DO get old and alone.
Well, that might be a bit of a hasty proclamation...but if you're not willing to sleep with someone after a reasonable number of dates, you are going to make it a lot harder for yourself. Not impossible, though. If you meet the right guy, he MIGHT be willing to wait for you, but like I said, you're lowering your odds IMHO.
csquared587
Member
So, I feel a bit odd posting this here, but I dont really talk about it with anyone Im close to. Ive been single for almost five years and it is time for a change. Ill try to keep it short..
I dated the same girl all throughout high school until I cheated on her before college. I ended up admitting my mistake to her but didnt want be in a serious relationship with her because my mind was focused on having a good time in college. We were friends with benefits for about a year until she got tired of me stringing her along and found someone else. I was pretty broken up about at the time and lost a lot of confidence even though it was pretty much my fault for being a bit of a dick as a teenager.
Fast forward five years and I am a college graduate searching for my career and a new relationship. As a 24 year old man, I am really not sure where to start. Im not much of a bar or party guy, so that avenue is kind of ruled out for me. My main interest are playing sports, going to the movies, making music, and gaming. Thinking about it objectively, I would say my biggest hurdle is showing my personality to people Im not yet comfortable with. Throughout my life people that dont know me would label me as quiet, whereas people Im comfortable with would tend to describe me as a rather talkative, laid back guy that likes to joke around.
Where would you guys suggest I start? There is a girl at work I am interested in, but our paths rarely cross and I dont know how to approach her without it being a bit awkward. Thanks for any advice, I can supply more info if its needed.
I dated the same girl all throughout high school until I cheated on her before college. I ended up admitting my mistake to her but didnt want be in a serious relationship with her because my mind was focused on having a good time in college. We were friends with benefits for about a year until she got tired of me stringing her along and found someone else. I was pretty broken up about at the time and lost a lot of confidence even though it was pretty much my fault for being a bit of a dick as a teenager.
Fast forward five years and I am a college graduate searching for my career and a new relationship. As a 24 year old man, I am really not sure where to start. Im not much of a bar or party guy, so that avenue is kind of ruled out for me. My main interest are playing sports, going to the movies, making music, and gaming. Thinking about it objectively, I would say my biggest hurdle is showing my personality to people Im not yet comfortable with. Throughout my life people that dont know me would label me as quiet, whereas people Im comfortable with would tend to describe me as a rather talkative, laid back guy that likes to joke around.
Where would you guys suggest I start? There is a girl at work I am interested in, but our paths rarely cross and I dont know how to approach her without it being a bit awkward. Thanks for any advice, I can supply more info if its needed.
Almond
Member
So, should I outright on the first date say this pretty much....?
Because that's pretty much how it is for me too. I'm not sure how many men would be up for a second date after learning this.
Well, if you have issues, you need to work them out, not just give up. Nobody is meant to be alone, without sex. The exact opposite, in fact.
I suppose the only other thing I can add is: Men are just people too. Some are scary, sure. Just don't try and date those ones.
Ever considered online dating?
Also don't beat yourself up over past relationships and stupid mistakes. New women that enter life can pickup on lack of confidence, and by the sounds of it - you need to start developing some more.
I think it should probably said at some point. I think you wouldn't be too hard pressed to find a guy that was willing to work on your issues with you, but you would likely not find any that would just put up with it. Do you want to change?
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