Support NeoGAF

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Should have said...

"I'm shooting for a high-paying career in voice acting. Think I can pull it off?"

Turn it around, man.

I tried the funny guy angle for a while and I was good at it but I get sick of that stuff. I also find it makes it hard to be taken seriously. It also really doesn't change people's opinions of you, if anything it reinforces their image. "Hey he's got a funny voice and he acts like a funny guy let's laugh at him".

 

[bjb]

Why? Why is having issues with myself so bad? Why is that a bad thing? Why is it bad if I understand what others see?

You can't be serious?

It's one thing to acknowledge your flaws. Yet having a perpetually negative outlook about yourself is not normal. That type of mentality will wreak havoc on every facet of your life.

Get into therapy. The sooner the better.

 

[Minamu]

Izick, a woman won't make you happy. That's something comes from the inside, which is what you need to work on first. You seem like quite the debbie downer recently and no one likes that. Change that first. It could very well be why "nobody likes you" which in turn becomes an endless spiral of self pity.

My issue was that I feel like there will be a very high probability of rejection, because remember nothing has happened so far and I will be asking her cold after about 5 days from the initial meetup. Not that it means the end of the world by any shot, just that I would just like to stack the odds in my favour as much as possible. I mean she does know I have been busy because I mentioned it already but I just don't want to sound too run off the mill or worse, boring.

Why? Is she the last woman on Earth?

 

[Arksy]

Taking her out for coffee seems a lot more logical than a potentially awkward pub scenario.

Also I would reword that entire sentence and get rid of the smiley face and "done". Comes off as really contrived and bizarre. Why not just say "hey would you like to get some coffee this sunday?" If she says yes, then you can arrange the details in a subsequent conversation. Perhaps even leading to more small talk.

My issue was that I feel like there will be a very high probability of rejection, because remember nothing has happened so far and I will be asking her cold after about 5 days from the initial meetup. Not that it means the end of the world by any shot, just that I would just like to stack the odds in my favour as much as possible. I mean she does know I have been busy because I mentioned it already but I just don't want to sound too run of the mill or worse, boring.

 

[Jhoan]

I usually just try to keep to myself, or focus on the music I'm listening to if I have my iPod. No reason to look over and make them feel uncomfortable. As for a wingman, I've basically lost all my friends because I went to a college nobody else did in my school, so I've basically been on my own there. I still hang out with my friends when I can when they're home, but that's it.

It just seems that even if other dudes aren't covering those bases as you said, they seem to be having a better time with women, they seem to be having relationships. Maybe I'm missing something, because sometimes I just don't understand it.



Why? Why is having issues with myself so bad? Why is that a bad thing? Why is it bad if I understand what others see?

Dude, I've been reading everything for the last several pages, but I'd figure I'd jump in and throw my own two cents into it.

To be frank, you sound like another Combine right now. Why question every piece of advice that everyone's given you if you're hesitant to doing it? What's so scary about online dating? Is it the fear that women are going to ignore your messages? Is it the fact that by putting yourself out there, you're leaving yourself vulnerable to some invisible stalker?

Listen, everyone here is trying to help you. If you're not willing to make some kind of change or try something new, then why post in the thread in the first place other than to get people to feel sorry for you? Seriously, enough with the self-pity man. It's one thing to say that you're this, this, and that, and another thing to do something about it. I told Combine this, and I'll tell it to you. You want to do something about your confidence issues (which I myself struggle with)? Do something about it. There's a ton of avenues for that that plenty of people have suggested.

 

[Omegasquash]

I usually just try to keep to myself, or focus on the music I'm listening to if I have my iPod. No reason to look over and make them feel uncomfortable. As for a wingman, I've basically lost all my friends because I went to a college nobody else did in my school, so I've basically been on my own there. I still hang out with my friends when I can when they're home, but that's it.

It just seems that even if other dudes aren't covering those bases as you said, they seem to be having a better time with women, they seem to be having relationships. Maybe I'm missing something, because sometimes I just don't understand it.

Step 1: Make friends! Scary, but doable. Join social clubs for whatever is out there, start to get integrated.

Step 2: Make eye contact and smile, even if you're listening to your music. I bolded that shit for a reason...you assume that you're making them uncomfortable by noticing them, or if they're in your field of vision. Doesn't need to be anything more than that, man. You're just smiling because you're a nice person. That, in and of itself, is a massive confidence builder.
You don't have unrealistic expectations when it comes to picking up women, man.

Just sounds like you have an unrealistic self image.

 

[bjb]

My issue was that I feel like there will be a very high probability of rejection, because remember nothing has happened so far and I will be asking her cold after about 5 days from the initial meetup. Not that it means the end of the world by any shot, just that I would just like to stack the odds in my favour as much as possible. I mean she does know I have been busy because I mentioned it already but I just don't want to sound too run of the mill or worse, boring.

If she really wants to spend time with you, then other variables won't matter.

 

[Izick]

Izick, a woman won't make you happy. That's something comes from the inside, which is what you need to work on first. You seem like quite the debbie downer recently and no one likes that. Change that first. It could very well be why "nobody likes you" which in turn becomes an endless spiral of self pity.

I'm not saying one is going to make me "happy" exactly, but it can't exactly hurt things. Also, I've said it before, but I don't act like this in actuality; I have many friends, just none that go to my college, and people like me as a friend. I don't know what to do about the spiral of self-pity thing though.

Dude, I've been reading everything for the last several pages, but I'd figure I'd jump in and throw my own two cents into it.

To be frank, you sound like another Combine right now. Why question every piece of advice that everyone's given you if you're hesitant to doing it? What's so scary about online dating? Is it the fear that women are going to ignore your messages? Is it the fact that by putting yourself out there, you're leaving yourself vulnerable to some invisible stalker?

Listen, everyone here is trying to help you. If you're not willing to make some kind of change or try something new, then why post in the thread in the first place other than to get people to feel sorry for you? Seriously, enough with the self-pity man. It's one thing to say that you're this, this, and that, and another thing to do something about it. I told Combine this, and I'll tell it to you. You want to do something about your confidence issues (which I myself struggle with)? Do something about it. There's a ton of avenues for that that plenty of people have suggested.

And like I've said, I've tried bettering myself and focusing on different facets of my life which could be seen as positive, but none of that seems to work. I'm not even sure the confidence thing is real, because I've seen a lot of guys who aren't exactly confident end up with someone that they like and are beautiful.

I'm not trying to be dismissive of the advice others have given, rather I'm just saying I've attempted a lot of it, and have gone nowhere at all. It's frustrating.

Step 1: Make friends! Scary, but doable. Join social clubs for whatever is out there, start to get integrated.

Step 2: Make eye contact and smile, even if you're listening to your music. I bolded that shit for a reason...you assume that you're making them uncomfortable by noticing them, or if they're in your field of vision. Doesn't need to be anything more than that, man. You're just smiling because you're a nice person. That, in and of itself, is a massive confidence builder.
You don't have unrealistic expectations when it comes to picking up women, man.

Just sounds like you have an unrealistic self image.

I have or had friends, it's just not that they go to the same college anymore. I usually would just go to classes, go to the gym, and then commute back home. That's my daily routine basically.

It's not like I'm a sulking, emo asshole all the time in life, well at least not in the past, I know you have to make eye contact and smile, I'm just saying that I've tried that stuff and it doesn't seem to work at all. You get a smile back and that's it, nothing from it.

 

[bjb]

I don't know what to do about the spiral of self-pity thing though.

I'm just saying I've attempted a lot of it, and have gone nowhere at all. It's frustrating.

Get into therapy. The sooner the better.

.

 

[Izick]

.

What? I was saying that I've attempted making changes to my life like working out or focusing on myself and it hasn't seemed to work to make me more attractive, and the self-pity thing wasn't really completely serious.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Izick, stop posting here. You've gotten mountains of advice and you're just deflecting/ignoring/denying it. You won't find any solutions here.

 

[bjb]

Izick, stop posting here. You've gotten mountains of advice and you're just deflecting/ignoring/denying it. You won't find any solutions here.

Well said (I agree).

 

[Arksy]

If she really wants to spend time with you, then other variables won't matter.

Good point. After my exam I will ask her out for low key cup of coffee. She either says yes or no.

If she does say yes. What are some good ways to escalate given a cafe situation? I'm not too good at this part. Chances are we'll meet up, get coffee, laugh and talk for an hour or two and just go our separate ways for the day. Is that fatal? Is it even bad?

 

[Izick]

All I'm going to say is that I've been trying all the aforementioned stuff, but it has yielded no results. Yet, if you all want me to stop posting, I'll stop.

 

[bjb]

Good point. After my exam I will ask her out for low key cup of coffee. She either says yes or no.

If she does say yes. What are some good ways to escalate given a cafe situation? I'm not too good at this part. Chances are we'll meet up, get coffee, laugh and talk for an hour or two and just go our separate ways for the day. Is that fatal? Is it even bad?

That's not bad at all. Don't over-think things, especially when they haven't even happened yet. Just go meet her and have fun. Be yourself most importantly.

If things turn out good, then great. Ask her out again afterwards, or better yet - just let know you had fun and would like do something another time. If not - no big deal it happens.

 

[LuffyZoro]

All I'm going to say is that I've been trying all the aforementioned stuff, but it has yielded no results. Yet, if you all want me to stop posting, I'll stop.

What are you looking for then? This is the advice you'll get almost everywhere. Just keep on keepin' on.

 

[Arksy]

That's not bad at all. Don't over-think things, especially when they haven't even happened yet. Just go meet her and have fun. Be yourself most importantly.

If things turn out good, then great. Ask her out again afterwards, or better yet - just let know you had fun and would like do something another time. If not - no big deal it happens.

Thanks! Will let you know how it goes.

All I'm going to say is that I've been trying all the aforementioned stuff, but it has yielded no results. Yet, if you all want me to stop posting, I'll stop.

Try to track down Tal-Ben Shahar's Harvard lecture series on Positive Psychology. They contain a lot of good information including a lot of scientifically test and proven methods of getting over some of the problems you are facing. I don't think anyone here has suggested a reflexive diary or meditiation as methods of improvement but the lecture series will tell you how and why they work, along with dozens of other good tid-bits that could really kickstart some improved self-worth.

The other option of course is therapy. I would however still consider positive psychology regardless. It's entire raison d'être is helping people become happier and more satisfied with life and represents an almost paradigm shift in relation to the old self-help books which are often filled with anecdotal evidence and untested hypothesies.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

So my girlfriend works two jobs basically all day, everyday and we only get to talk on the phone for about 30 mins to an hour on good days. She's really stressed out and stuff over work, and sometimes cries cause she can't handle the pressure of working and paying the bills she owes, plus her parents are constantly breathing down her neck about everything as well. We also live 1.5 hours away from each other.

I've never done "long distance" before cause I live in a city full of available girls, but some of the cons of LDR is catching up with me. I'm not saying I want to see her everyday, but a five minute kiss and hug would be better than seeing her once a week.

Since she's busy all of the time, I feel like all I do is go with whatever she wants. How do I put this? She talks about her job, herself, and complains all the time. She gets so worked up over the smallest of things. I'm a pretty chill guy and have learned to let things go, but our conversations on the phone are all about her. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I have a life and things that are going on as well. I just don't feel important, and it makes me feel worse when I go out of my way to do something for her. Advice? I really like her and when we're actually with each other there's no problems at all.

 

[Omegasquash]

So my girlfriend works two jobs basically all day, everyday and we only get to talk on the phone for about 30 mins to an hour on good days. She's really stressed out and stuff over work, and sometimes cries cause she can't handle the pressure of working and paying the bills she owes, plus her parents are constantly breathing down her neck about everything as well. We also live 1.5 hours away from each other.

I've never done "long distance" before cause I live in a city full of available girls, but some of the cons of LDR is catching up with me. I'm not saying I want to see her everyday, but a five minute kiss and hug would be better than seeing her once a week.

Since she's busy all of the time, I feel like all I do is go with whatever she wants. How do I put this? She talks about her job, herself, and complains all the time. She gets so worked up over the smallest of things. I'm a pretty chill guy and have learned to let things go, but our conversations on the phone are all about her. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I have a life and things that are going on as well. I just don't feel important, and it makes me feel worse when I go out of my way to do something for her. Advice? I really like her and when we're actually with each other there's no problems at all.

Try relating over the phone. This was something that used to irk me in my relationship, until I started talking. She needs someone to listen to her because she's got so much going on. Put yourself into the conversation the same way that she does.

If it's more about the actions you're taking, then let her know how you feel.

Also, is this distance thing long term?

 

[WyndhamPrice]

All I'm going to say is that I've been trying all the aforementioned stuff, but it has yielded no results. Yet, if you all want me to stop posting, I'll stop.

The best, most basic advice I have ever given anyone is this: stop giving a shit about what people think.

You will meet thousands of individuals over the course of your life and for most of them any interaction with you will be fleeting and they probably won't remember specifics about it anyway.

You insist on projecting what how you believe people are going to react to you, rather than actually finding out for yourself. I get this, I understand why you feel that way, and I still deal with it from time to time. But it's about 90 percent bullshit (chalk the extra 10 percent up to a broken clock being right twice a day).

Starting an interaction is the hardest part, but mostly because many (like us) fail to realize how easy saying "Hello" actually is.

You should try setting little goals for yourself. Introduce yourself to one new person this week, then two the next, and so on until it's just normal. You sound like you need some local/college friends anyway. Now I've got friends or at least people I'm acquainted with in nearly every class I take. Generally it might help to step outside of your comfort zone. The other weekend I went to two parties by myself where I only knew the host just to see what would happen. I wasn't concerned so much with meeting girls or whatever, I just wanted to see how I would deal with that kind of unfamiliarity. I had fun! I would hate for life to be so predictable all the time.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm going to go work out and watch Doctor Who (it's a program I've taken to calling the TARDIS Treadmill: I can only watch Doctor Who if I'm exercising at the same time) because I met this cute girl in my Lit class yesterday and I'm feeling super motivated.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Since she's busy all of the time, I feel like all I do is go with whatever she wants. How do I put this? She talks about her job, herself, and complains all the time. She gets so worked up over the smallest of things. I'm a pretty chill guy and have learned to let things go, but our conversations on the phone are all about her. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I have a life and things that are going on as well. I just don't feel important, and it makes me feel worse when I go out of my way to do something for her. Advice? I really like her and when we're actually with each other there's no problems at all.

Sound eerily like an ex I dated for 3 years. In the end I discovered that we had fundamental differences in personality, and different ways of communicating. She would always be stressed too, so I would feel bad at the thought of leaving her (adding to the stress). This was the WRONG reason to prolong the relationship.

You think that things might be better if you saw each other more, but imagine the day to day negativity and stress that she would bring. I know I did with my ex, and it cemented the fact that we were just not compatible. In the end, we are both better off.

 

[ianp622]

So my girlfriend works two jobs basically all day, everyday and we only get to talk on the phone for about 30 mins to an hour on good days. She's really stressed out and stuff over work, and sometimes cries cause she can't handle the pressure of working and paying the bills she owes, plus her parents are constantly breathing down her neck about everything as well. We also live 1.5 hours away from each other.

I've never done "long distance" before cause I live in a city full of available girls, but some of the cons of LDR is catching up with me. I'm not saying I want to see her everyday, but a five minute kiss and hug would be better than seeing her once a week.

Since she's busy all of the time, I feel like all I do is go with whatever she wants. How do I put this? She talks about her job, herself, and complains all the time. She gets so worked up over the smallest of things. I'm a pretty chill guy and have learned to let things go, but our conversations on the phone are all about her. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I have a life and things that are going on as well. I just don't feel important, and it makes me feel worse when I go out of my way to do something for her. Advice? I really like her and when we're actually with each other there's no problems at all.

Is she aware of the effect is has on you? My ex was in a similar situation, but felt that she had to disconnect emotionally from the people around her because of the stress. She broke it off, and it was for the best, even though it really hurt me. If you prolong it, there's a possibility you'll just develop resentment towards her, whereas if you break it off now, you might be able to start again in the future when things are different.

My ex just recently got in touch with me again, apologized for the situation she was in (and put me in), and we're talking again as friends. She still has some problems, so no relationship right now (and I'm kind of seeing someone else), but it's nice to talk to her.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

So my girlfriend works two jobs basically all day, everyday and we only get to talk on the phone for about 30 mins to an hour on good days. She's really stressed out and stuff over work, and sometimes cries cause she can't handle the pressure of working and paying the bills she owes, plus her parents are constantly breathing down her neck about everything as well. We also live 1.5 hours away from each other.

I've never done "long distance" before cause I live in a city full of available girls, but some of the cons of LDR is catching up with me. I'm not saying I want to see her everyday, but a five minute kiss and hug would be better than seeing her once a week.

Since she's busy all of the time, I feel like all I do is go with whatever she wants. How do I put this? She talks about her job, herself, and complains all the time. She gets so worked up over the smallest of things. I'm a pretty chill guy and have learned to let things go, but our conversations on the phone are all about her. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I have a life and things that are going on as well. I just don't feel important, and it makes me feel worse when I go out of my way to do something for her. Advice? I really like her and when we're actually with each other there's no problems at all.

Is her current situation short-term or long-term? If it's short-term, then put on a brave face and help her through it. If it's long-term, then you should reconsider your relationship.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Well right now its short term. Shes working this other job until the end of the summer. When I go back to school in the fall itll only be a 30 minute drive to where she lives. She also has until the end of August to move out of her parenta house.

She owes a lot of money to the appartment complex she lived in since she was kicked out for being unable to pay since her parents basically double crossed her, and she has to pay her own lease on her car, phone bills, etc.

One of the problems is that her parents expect too much of her, so I think when she moves out some of the stress will go away.

 

[Minamu]

So true for this thread lately

 

[Zomba13]

Hey dating-age. Posting this here as well. About the girl from OKC I was seeing who has tons in common with me and is super cute who just started ignoring me after flaking on a date. Dunno if I posted the texts here but she was basically 'nerovus' and 'awkward' at this 'part' and later said that 'we should be friends'.

Well, if anyone cares (lol I know you don't it just makes me feel better venting here) I'm seeing the girl tomorrow to talk and maybe get lunch, 12 till 4 is when she is free and seemed to want to meet (I gave the option of just forgetting this and trying again when she is back from holidays, which she goes on next week for a while to America). Also included the first smilie in a text in ages which I found odd (when she went funny she stopped using them at all but when we were good every message had at least one).

I'm taking her wanting to meet up for a talk and lunch as a good sign as she could have easily said 'we can talk on skype later' or 'I'm really busy sorting stuff out before my holiday next week' or anything else. Hopefully I can convince her to try this whole ting again when she's finished with the holiday and hopefully less busy (so we could see each other more regularly).

I probably should just forget her and move on, I bet most normal people would but I've learnt I'm kinda fucked up lol. I probably would if she didn't tick so many boxes. Anyone got any tips to make super sure things go well tomorrow? Like, without sounding desperate/whiny/clingy/begging? I think I've done enough damage with myself but I think I can pass that off as me being pissed for leaving me in the dark (because it is true).

So yeah... /end zomba whine. I'm pretty pathetic lol.

 

[Jhoan]

I'm not saying one is going to make me "happy" exactly, but it can't exactly hurt things. Also, I've said it before, but I don't act like this in actuality; I have many friends, just none that go to my college, and people like me as a friend. I don't know what to do about the spiral of self-pity thing though.




And like I've said, I've tried bettering myself and focusing on different facets of my life which could be seen as positive, but none of that seems to work. I'm not even sure the confidence thing is real, because I've seen a lot of guys who aren't exactly confident end up with someone that they like and are beautiful.

I'm not trying to be dismissive of the advice others have given, rather I'm just saying I've attempted a lot of it, and have gone nowhere at all. It's frustrating.



I have or had friends, it's just not that they go to the same college anymore. I usually would just go to classes, go to the gym, and then commute back home. That's my daily routine basically.

It's not like I'm a sulking, emo asshole all the time in life, well at least not in the past, I know you have to make eye contact and smile, I'm just saying that I've tried that stuff and it doesn't seem to work at all. You get a smile back and that's it, nothing from it.

I totally understand where you're coming from. There's times where I'll be outside by myself (usually every Friday night) watching couples walk by, and feel like that; it sucks but in another sense, I appreciate being single as well as being able to enjoy certain things alone. I dunno what to tell you other then to keep an open mind to trying new things. For example, if there's a GAF meet up in your area, then go for it. Do something outside your comfort at least once or twice a week.

For example, last Tuesday on my birthday, I went to some kind of social party with live music that my friend was working at. There were tons of attractive women there. Hell I think some of them stood next to me intentionally hoping that I would talk to them. While I felt extremely awkward, and uncomfortable (my friend was super busy working leaving me in the wild; I was browsing GAF), I rode it out and learned a couple of lessons out of it, such as next time I go to a social event by myself try to initiate some kind of conversation with someone be it male or female.

While I don't think you stop posting here, I think most people will agree that we would like to see some kind of progress be it as small as making conversation with a stranger at a clothing store or something as big as going to a party or volunteering. I think The Social Anxiety Workbook would do wonders for you; it has a lot of good exercises for that stuff. I'm in a similar situation as you where I have a hard time meeting people in school, but I've met guys at a Speed dating event in my school. Also while this isn't for everyone given how expensive it can be since I'm in one myself, you can also try joining a fraternity as a way of meeting new people.

The best, most basic advice I have ever given anyone is this: stop giving a shit about what people think.

You will meet thousands of individuals over the course of your life and for most of them any interaction with you will be fleeting and they probably won't remember specifics about it anyway.

You insist on projecting what how you believe people are going to react to you, rather than actually finding out for yourself. I get this, I understand why you feel that way, and I still deal with it from time to time. But it's about 90 percent bullshit (chalk the extra 10 percent up to a broken clock being right twice a day).

Starting an interaction is the hardest part, but mostly because many (like us) fail to realize how easy saying "Hello" actually is.

You should try setting little goals for yourself. Introduce yourself to one new person this week, then two the next, and so on until it's just normal. You sound like you need some local/college friends anyway. Now I've got friends or at least people I'm acquainted with in nearly every class I take. Generally it might help to step outside of your comfort zone. The other weekend I went to two parties by myself where I only knew the host just to see what would happen. I wasn't concerned so much with meeting girls or whatever, I just wanted to see how I would deal with that kind of unfamiliarity. I had fun! I would hate for life to be so predictable all the time.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm going to go work out and watch Doctor Who (it's a program I've taken to calling the TARDIS Treadmill: I can only watch Doctor Who if I'm exercising at the same time) because I met this cute girl in my Lit class yesterday and I'm feeling super motivated.

This is great advice as it's generally what I'm talking about. I remember a couple of Gaffers told me this; I've just been lazy. To add to the small goals stuff, definitely write down the goals in a planner and stick to it.

 

[Izick]

The best, most basic advice I have ever given anyone is this: stop giving a shit about what people think.

You will meet thousands of individuals over the course of your life and for most of them any interaction with you will be fleeting and they probably won't remember specifics about it anyway.

You insist on projecting what how you believe people are going to react to you, rather than actually finding out for yourself. I get this, I understand why you feel that way, and I still deal with it from time to time. But it's about 90 percent bullshit (chalk the extra 10 percent up to a broken clock being right twice a day).

Starting an interaction is the hardest part, but mostly because many (like us) fail to realize how easy saying "Hello" actually is.

You should try setting little goals for yourself. Introduce yourself to one new person this week, then two the next, and so on until it's just normal. You sound like you need some local/college friends anyway. Now I've got friends or at least people I'm acquainted with in nearly every class I take. Generally it might help to step outside of your comfort zone. The other weekend I went to two parties by myself where I only knew the host just to see what would happen. I wasn't concerned so much with meeting girls or whatever, I just wanted to see how I would deal with that kind of unfamiliarity. I had fun! I would hate for life to be so predictable all the time.

I guess that's all I've got for now. I'm going to go work out and watch Doctor Who (it's a program I've taken to calling the TARDIS Treadmill: I can only watch Doctor Who if I'm exercising at the same time) because I met this cute girl in my Lit class yesterday and I'm feeling super motivated.

I appreciate the advice. I guess you are right in that I should try and meet new people, but it's kind of just weird when you only see people for 30 mins or an hour a couple days a week. It's not like I'm staying up there and seeing people constantly.

Also, I suppose you are right that I am expecting people, or women in this case, to react a certain way, but I'm just using my common sense and past experiences to take account for the inevitable outcome. I'm not too fond of being brushed off, or just answered with quick replies so that they don't have to have a longer than wanted conversation with me. I don't like being where I'm not wanted, and I've always been that way.

Anyway, I hope that your next meeting with the girl in your Lit class goes well.

I totally understand where you're coming from. There's times where I'll be outside by myself (usually every Friday night) watching couples walk by, and feel like that; it sucks but in another sense, I appreciate being single as well as being able to enjoy certain things alone. I dunno what to tell you other then to keep an open mind to trying new things. For example, if there's a GAF meet up in your area, then go for it. Do something outside your comfort at least once or twice a week.

For example, last Tuesday on my birthday, I went to some kind of social party with live music that my friend was working at. There were tons of attractive women there. Hell I think some of them stood next to me intentionally hoping that I would talk to them. While I felt extremely awkward, and uncomfortable (my friend was super busy working leaving me in the wild; I was browsing GAF), I rode it out and learned a couple of lessons out of it, such as next time I go to a social event by myself try to initiate some kind of conversation with someone be it male or female.

While I don't think you stop posting here, I think most people will agree that we would like to see some kind of progress be it as small as making conversation with a stranger at a clothing store or something as big as going to a party or volunteering. I think The Social Anxiety Workbook would do wonders for you; it has a lot of good exercises for that stuff. I'm in a similar situation as you where I have a hard time meeting people in school, but I've met guys at a Speed dating event in my school. Also while this isn't for everyone given how expensive it can be since I'm in one myself, you can also try joining a fraternity as a way of meeting new people.

Interesting. It's not really that I have a hard time meeting people, or just striking up a conversation with people (dudes), but rather I never really am interested in talking further or about anything in-depth. It's not that I dislike the people, but I just don't have any real motivation to make friends that go up there.

I do say that I probably could be considered a bit "bitter" when I see a couple, or even an attractive woman. I'm not sure why, but I kind of just get a little resentment internally, which isn't really fair to them I guess.

I would never join a fraternity, but I am fine with talking to people or just making small talk to people I don't know. Even if they happen to be women really, but I usually just try and keep it brief and on-subject if that's the case.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Figuring out what to say or talk to people about is a topic where I think the Simple Pickup guys really shine. Time and again they prove that if you can present yourself as friendly and sell a positive vibe then it's really irrelevant (at least in the early stages) what you actually talk about.

And see if there's any groups on campus at your school that interest you. I joined my school's men's a cappella group and it has done wonders for me socially over the past two years (my last relationship came from inviting a girl I knew to one of our afterparties).

 

[Cubsfan23]

Izick you gotta clear the garbage from your mind. You weren't born with these limiting thoughts.


It's as simple as that.

 

[Izick]

Figuring out what to say or talk to people about is a topic where I think the Simple Pickup guys really shine. Time and again they prove that if you can present yourself as friendly and sell a positive vibe then it's really irrelevant (at least in the early stages) what you actually talk about.

And see if there's any groups on campus at your school that interest you. I joined my school's men's a cappella group and it has done wonders for me socially over the past two years (my last relationship came from inviting a girl I knew to one of our afterparties).

Hm, I'm not even sure where I'd start though. Not sure if I'd be interested in any sort of club out there.

Izick you gotta clear the garbage from your mind. You weren't born with these limiting thoughts.


It's as simple as that.

That's true. I'm just telling you all how I honestly feel after all this time, and all the things that I've seen or learned. Not sure how I can just clear my mindset away though.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Izick, go after that young stuff (i assume you are younger than 23-24 or so since you talk about college.

If you dont go after the young stuff, you will end up like me, a 28 yr old virgin who wants to die.

 

[Izick]

Izick, go after that young stuff (i assume you are younger than 23-24 or so since you talk about college.

If you dont go after the young stuff, you will end up like me, a 28 yr old virgin who wants to die.

 

[Slayer-33]

Izick, go after that young stuff (i assume you are younger than 23-24 or so since you talk about college.

If you don't go after the young stuff, you will end up like me, a 28 yr old virgin who wants to die.

.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Designer of these characters is wonderful. They have an warm, endearing, creepy, cult-like aura to them.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Izick, go after that young stuff (i assume you are younger than 23-24 or so since you talk about college.

If you dont go after the young stuff, you will end up like me, a 28 yr old virgin who wants to die.

You make it sound like it's entirely his fault. If he's really that unattractive then what can he do. I've personally kept blaming myself for not making my life worth something or better but not many people have had to put up with the stuff I have had to so it's not a fair comparison. Not everyone can be a rich handsome playboy so it's not a good target. Of course I would settle for just being average.

Figuring out what to say or talk to people about is a topic where I think the Simple Pickup guys really shine. Time and again they prove that if you can present yourself as friendly and sell a positive vibe then it's really irrelevant (at least in the early stages) what you actually talk about.

And see if there's any groups on campus at your school that interest you. I joined my school's men's a cappella group and it has done wonders for me socially over the past two years (my last relationship came from inviting a girl I knew to one of our afterparties).

Yeah but at the same time I'd say at least 2 out of 3 of those guys are young/fit/decent looking. Show me George Costanza doing the same things.

 

[~Kinggi~]

You make it sound like it's entirely his fault. If he's really that unattractive then what can he do. I've personally kept blaming myself for not making my life worth something or better but not many people have had to put up with the stuff I have had to so it's not a fair comparison. Not everyone can be a rich handsome playboy so it's not a good target. Of course I would settle for just being average.

Im not saying its his fault entirely, but part of it is. Just like despite my problems growing up, i made mistakes.

Im only saying the earlier the better. The longer you go with that mindset the more impossible it seems. Like i feel like it would take a miracle to save my ass.

 

[Xun]

I don't know much about OCD's but they can be fixed, right? Seems like that's the main source for most of your perceived problems and it's always better to treat the disease instead of the symptoms, you know? I think it's clear from what you write that progress is being made. Yeah, it's maybe slow, but so what? I'm know how you feel about the past, I've been there too. I was as introverted as anyone can be, it feels like, during all my teenage years and I missed out on basically everything that entails.

Like all mental disorders it can't be cured. Maintained, but not cured.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD

The word OCD is too widely spouted out by people who have little quirks, but most of the time it isn't actually OCD. A guy I know who knew very little about it claimed he and his family all had it, but "got over it" by saying it was stupid...

It's been a hinderance to me since I was 7 (I'm 22 now), so I do plan on getting help for it later this year.

I just want a bit of fun, but with each passing day that's looking more and more unlikely. I'm not looking for a serious relationship at the moment, but some of my friends say I should be. Am I wrong? I've never been with anyone, and I'm not looking to settle down at all just yet.

Anyone want to be my wingman? Ha.

 

[Cubsfan23]

That's true. I'm just telling you all how I honestly feel after all this time, and all the things that I've seen or learned. Not sure how I can just clear my mindset away though.

listen to this on the regular and you'll be good as new

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws775LzyqDc&feature=related


Sound Therapy heals the brain. This one also heals the nervous system

• Stress Reduction through deep relaxation and endorphin release

• Liberates emotional traumas locked within the subconscious

• Profound effect on acupuncture meridians

• Activates self-healing mechanisms within the body

• Promotes deeper sleep

• Relief from headache, fatigue, insomnia, digestive disorders, joint or muscle aches, menstrual disorders, emotional imbalances

• Healing past emotional traumas and break through of limiting behavior patterns

 

[TheVampire]

Whats the best way to go about asking someone out you know from work?

I work in I.T and I goto 5 different offices each day of the week.
At one of the places I goto on Mondays there is this girl there I kinda like.

Shes nice and friendly and she takes care of the I.T equipment stuff at the site so I usually allways deal with her when Im there.

I'd like to ask her out but has anyone got any tips since this is a workplace situation?
We havn't done anything outside the office so maybe I should ask if she wants to go get lunch before offically asking her out on a date?

We talk about the previous weekend and all that fluff stuff but I dont know much about her.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

listen to this on the regular and you'll be good as new

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws775LzyqDc&feature=related


Sound Therapy heals the brain. This one also heals the nervous system

• Stress Reduction through deep relaxation and endorphin release

• Liberates emotional traumas locked within the subconscious

• Profound effect on acupuncture meridians

• Activates self-healing mechanisms within the body

• Promotes deeper sleep

• Relief from headache, fatigue, insomnia, digestive disorders, joint or muscle aches, menstrual disorders, emotional imbalances

• Healing past emotional traumas and break through of limiting behavior patterns

This seems unlikely to fix his problems. I guess he could try therapy, seems like he is deadly afraid of being rejected for the first time.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Izick and Midnights need to form a melodramatic rock band. They will have to fend off the women with a stick, I guarantee you.


I mean, Chad Kroeger looks like a foot, and I'm sure he does well with the women.

 

[NeOak]

Whats the best way to go about asking someone out you know from work?

I work in I.T and I goto 5 different offices each day of the week.
At one of the places I goto on Mondays there is this girl there I kinda like.

Shes nice and friendly and she takes care of the I.T equipment stuff at the site so I usually allways deal with her when Im there.

I'd like to ask her out but has anyone got any tips since this is a workplace situation?
We havn't done anything outside the office so maybe I should ask if she wants to go get lunch before offically asking her out on a date?

We talk about the previous weekend and all that fluff stuff but I dont know much about her.

Get lunch first. You could make her talk about something and stop her in the middle of it because you gotta do something so you ask her to tell you about it over lunch.

 

[Izick]

This seems unlikely to fix his problems. I guess he could try therapy, seems like he is deadly afraid of being rejected for the first time.

I don't even know why though, I basically always play that out in my head as how it will end, but I kind of don't need to see it happen in actuality, I don't think that would do any good for me.

 

[thestopsign]

What is the best way of getting into a relationship with someone you've known for a while as a secondary friend? In this case I'm not asking about anyone in specific so I can't give details, but I find most of the girls I'm attracted too I'm already acquainted with to varying degrees.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

Izick and Midnights need to form a melodramatic rock band. They will have to fend off the women with a stick, I guarantee you.


I mean, Chad Kroeger looks like a foot, and I'm sure he does well with the women.

Hey man, don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.

I don't even know why though, I basically always play that out in my head as how it will end, but I kind of don't need to see it happen in actuality, I don't think that would do any good for me.

Maybe it could though, won't know until it happens.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Hey man, don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes.

I'm not judging you. I'm giving you advice.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

I'm not judging you. I'm giving you advice.

Alright, I'll work on getting a band together. You know it only works if your band is famous though. That could take years.

 

[Izick]

I'm not judging you. I'm giving you advice.

You said that we should form a melodramatic Rock Band.

Maybe it could though, won't know until it happens.

While unlikely, I suppose it technically is a possibility. Like I said though, I'm pretty sure I'll feel terrible once it does happen.

 

[NeOak]

What is the best way of getting into a relationship with someone you've known for a while as a secondary friend? In this case I'm not asking about anyone in specific so I can't give details, but I find most of the girls I'm attracted too I'm already acquainted with to varying degrees.

One way that you can try is creating a need on just one at a time. Be there for like 1 week or two and do a lot of stuff that she enjoys. Then suddenly stop and get busy on your stuff. If you did it correctly, she'll be confused and come looking for you.