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[DY_nasty]

So how do I end a date if I'm not interested?

If you have to bail... Try not to be an ass if you can help it. I used to go on a lot of blind dates and stuff back in college and if the sirens started going off, I'd check my phone, set the alarm clock to ring in a few minutes, assign a text message-y sound to it, wait - then use it as the "oh geez, I gotta get back. Work/duty/family calls. The people need me, I must go" excuse. I hate just dragging out shit that isn't going anywhere.

Always try and stay cool with people regardless if things don't lead to where you'd like though. Something else might open up through that person later on. They may invite you to a party, introduce you to a friend, etc.

Hey someone linked me to this reddit (sorry) thing asking women to list things that men were insecure about that didn't actually matter. Thought it might make an interesting read/ confidence booster. Here it is.

Yet more proof that men care more about their dicks than women ever will.

 

[hipgnosis]

Haven't posted here for a while, but here's an update on my situation.

Still seeing the economist girl, we've been going out for months now. Spent a weekend with her at the countryside and it was absolutely perfect. We have developed a strong mutual connection. Had to go home today because of work and it was hard for both of us. Can't get her out of my head and she's really into me as well. Dunno if I've ever felt this way about anyone and the best part is that she really likes me a lot too.

 

[electricshake]

Hey someone linked me to this reddit (sorry) thing asking women to list things that men were insecure about that didn't actually matter. Thought it might make an interesting read/ confidence booster. Here it is.

Need one for women too!

 

[Ventilaator]

A couple months ago I mentioned to a girl that we could maybe hang out sometime. Got shot down very hard. Harder than you think. Yesterday, she's randomly (but completely honestly) all "hey maybe we could hang out sometime?"

I know for a fact that when I first asked she wasn't interested in someone else and that didn't work out, if that's what you're thinking.

So I want to know...huhhh?

 

[Nerds with Guns]

A couple months ago I mentioned to a girl that we could maybe hang out sometime. Got shot down very hard. Harder than you think. Yesterday, she's randomly (but completely honestly) all "hey maybe we could hang out sometime?"

I know for a fact that when I first asked she wasn't interested in someone else and that didn't work out, if that's what you're thinking.

So I want to know...huhhh?

She wants attention. Don't give it to her. I wouldn't even respond to be honest (assuming she messaged/texted you).

 

[DY_nasty]

A couple months ago I mentioned to a girl that we could maybe hang out sometime. Got shot down very hard. Harder than you think. Yesterday, she's randomly (but completely honestly) all "hey maybe we could hang out sometime?"

I know for a fact that when I first asked she wasn't interested in someone else and that didn't work out, if that's what you're thinking.

So I want to know...huhhh?

Maybe you caught her at a bad time. Or she just cray.

A phone call or text convo never hurts though. Just be sure to hold off on the sonnets and see if she comes correct. You're not the one chasing her.

 

[Branson]

One thing I've noticed after becoming single the past 3 months or so, every girl that's somewhat attractive has a boyfriend. Shit sucks.

Also is it still bad that I have trust issues with women after being cheated on in every relationship I've been in so far in my life? Especially with the most recent being close to 6 years and engaged. I just feel like its pointless if everyone just cheats on you and finds something better. And I feel that there is always something better.

 

[Ventilaator]

Maybe you caught her at a bad time. Or she just cray.

A phone call or text convo never hurts though. Just be sure to hold off on the sonnets and see if she comes correct. You're not the one chasing her.

That's just it though, was it a bad time then and she didn't have time to think about hanging out with people, or is it a bad time now, where she needs someone to say nice things to her, so she came to me because I probably think well of her already?

 

[AHA-Lambda]

No one have any thoughts or tips for me from the last page? :-s

 

[Old Lace]

I sent a girl a message on Okcupid a couple of months ago. She responded yesterday with:

do you answer the phone with a definitive "halah"?

What does that mean? How do I respond to that?

 

[Count Dookkake]

It means she can't spell "holla."

 

[Old Lace]

It means she can't spell "holla."

That's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Maybe, I'll make a joke about meat.

 

[DY_nasty]

That's just it though, was it a bad time then and she didn't have time to think about hanging out with people, or is it a bad time now, where she needs someone to say nice things to her, so she came to me because I probably think well of her already?

You're not a mind reader.

At worst, you can entertain some bullshit for a while.

 

[Attackthebase]

Is that going to make everything really awkward? I really do have something I have to do, haha. I'm not sure if I'm interested or not, like I said I'm a little turned off from some stuff I recently found out but I'm giving it a chance.

No awkward experiences, from my end, whenever I was uncertain about a date.

 

[The Antitype]

I'm sorry, but this is a really unhealthy attitude. The risks associated with breast implants and surgery in general are fairly high (including the implants rupturing, toxic shock syndrome, damage to nerves and tissue, being unable to breast feed, more risks assosiated with taking them out - they don't last forever and once they get removed the breasts look awful). For you to so casually say that the only way this woman (one with 34Cs!) can obtain perfection is for her to bow down to your needs and get risky surgery done really irks me. You wanna know why it shouldn't be socially common place? its risky surgeries (they require several, and have to be removed eventually), it feels fake, looks awful once removed, and is often done to please the guy who thought it'd be cool to casually mention that breast implants = perfection. I have nothing against implants, but damn dude.

All good points. Which is why I wouldn't ask her or pressure her to do it. It was a passing thought, a 'wouldn't it be nice' moment.

 

[Devolution]

Yet more proof that men care more about their dicks than women ever will.

This really cannot be said enough.

 

[Fou-Lu]

Turns out my lab partner has a boyfriend back home. Not sure how I feel about that to be honest, still feels like she's pushing for something with me, she flirts constantly and we've gone on a couple dates. But I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of screwing over a guy I don't even know. Plus who knows what her intentions are, perhaps she just doesn't want to be alone until he's around again.

 

[SniperHunter]

How do you guys feel about dating while being unemployed? I have no job or money, it's summer and I am getting a lot of good signs from women, but I really have no money at all. It doesn't feel right to approach women if I have no money at all, I don't want to freeload off anyone

 

[bjb]

Turns out my lab partner has a boyfriend back home. Not sure how I feel about that to be honest, still feels like she's pushing for something with me, she flirts constantly and we've gone on a couple dates. But I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of screwing over a guy I don't even know. Plus who knows what her intentions are, perhaps she just doesn't want to be alone until he's around again.

Indeed if she has a boyfriend - leave her alone and move on. You don't want to be that guy down the road, and have someone debating whether or not they should try and sleep with / court your woman.

 

[Leeroy3101]

Is "catch you later" considered a blowoff line to end a texting conversation?

 

[DrBo42]

Is "catch you later" considered a blowoff line to end a texting conversation?

What's the context? Might be a "hey, I gotta go do a few things, catch you later" type thing.

 

[The Technomancer]

Is "catch you later" considered a blowoff line to end a texting conversation?

...I hope not. Its one of my standard good-byes in all kinds of contexts.

 

[Tess3ract]

This really cannot be said enough.

News Flash: Men like competition, we like to one up each other. Same could be said of women though.

 

[Devolution]

News Flash: Men like competition, we like to one up each other. Same could be said of women though.

News Flash: that's the kind of thing that makes you look insecure.

 

[Leeroy3101]

What's the context? Might be a "hey, I gotta go do a few things, catch you later" type thing.

Pretty much what you posted.

She's done it once before and I just wondered if she's trying to blow me off. I don't think that's the case but figured I'd ask anyway.

 

[Tess3ract]

News Flash: that's the kind of thing that makes you look insecure.

I'm not saying I do it, I'm saying I understand why people do it.

 

[Fou-Lu]

Indeed if she has a boyfriend - leave her alone and move on. You don't want to be that guy down the road, and have someone debating whether or not they should try and sleep with / court your woman.

Yeah, you're probably right. Sucks though, felt like she was the kind of girl I could've really had something with. But if I move on I can always find someone better.

 

[low-G]

Turns out my lab partner has a boyfriend back home. Not sure how I feel about that to be honest, still feels like she's pushing for something with me, she flirts constantly and we've gone on a couple dates. But I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of screwing over a guy I don't even know. Plus who knows what her intentions are, perhaps she just doesn't want to be alone until he's around again.

Just curious how far she's gone. The cynical would say she just likes the attention, other cynics would say she's emotionally if not physically cheating on her boyfriend. But the most optimistic thing one could say is she's really into you but unless you've had sex with her already odds are she'd never take that step, and if she did she'll do the same to you.

So, it's a feather in your cap but she serves you no purpose unless you like the attention / friendship / whatever.

 

[Danielsan]

Unexpectedly got invited over to the girl I'm currently dating. Watched some tv and a movie together and she showed me some photo books of her as a kid. We only made out, again. I wanted to spend the night, but sadly she insisted that I should get the last train back. Kind of understandable seeing as she has to get up at 5:30 for work. Still, I can't say that I'm not slightly disappointed.

I also notice (and she notices too) that I still get nervous when it comes to moving beyond kissing. Sweaty palms, fast beating heart and most annoying of all, slight shaking of my entire body. Anyone have any tips on how to keep that kind of nonsense under control? Hopefully she doesn't decide to bail out when she gets a clearer picture of my inexperience when it comes to relationships and sex (only slept with a single girl, 3 times). Guess we'll find out soon enough.

 

[low-G]

Unexpectedly got invited over to the girl I'm currently dating. Watched some tv and a movie together and she showed me some photo books of her as a kid. We only made out, again. I wanted to spend the night, but sadly she insisted that I should get the last train back. Kind of understandable seeing as she has to get up at 5:30 for work. Still, I can't say that I'm not slightly disappointed.

Sounds like she's just not ready for that step just yet for one reason or another. No big deal.

I also notice (and she notices too) that I still get nervous when it comes to moving beyond kissing. Sweaty palms, fast beating heart and most annoying of all, slight shaking of my entire body. Anyone have any tips on how to keep that kind of nonsense under control? Hopefully she doesn't decide to bail out when she gets a clearer picture of my inexperience when it comes to relationships and sex (only slept with a single girl, 3 times). Guess we'll find out soon enough.

Why should it make you nervous? OK, if you say sex, performance anxiety is a real thing, sure. But feeling her up and such? What's there to get nervous about? That's what I'd ask myself if I was in your place. Never had those feelings myself, that phase is probably one of the few incredibly relaxing things I've experienced, but I've had fear about all sorts of other things in life and it can help me to rationalize.

Also, why the fuck should she care that you only had sex with one girl? That should be a boon to you. She doesn't have to worry about breaking you in but you aren't a slut.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Update on my situation since it's been a while. I'm just having all sorts of trouble. I swaer this town contains no women that find me interesting or attractive. I've had more luck (well, a small bit of luck, but still luck) in other cities when I go visit friends than I do here.

I'm fine at talking to women, I find I have gotten leagues better at it. Thing is I just cannot find one that seems the least bit interested. I get out to bars and stuff every now and then with no luck. I work out of town and the company I work at has more older people than anyone my age (26) so I am kind of stuck.

I have been trying to find a job in a new city, not just for relationship issues but also because I want a change, and even have someone to live with in Seattle, but I can't get a job at all.

So being here almost kills me. Bah!

 

[Devolution]

Update on my situation since it's been a while. I'm just having all sorts of trouble. I swaer this town contains no women that find me interesting or attractive. I've had more luck (well, a small bit of luck, but still luck) in other cities when I go visit friends than I do here.

I'm fine at talking to women, I find I have gotten leagues better at it. Thing is I just cannot find one that seems the least bit interested. I get out to bars and stuff every now and then with no luck. I work out of town and the company I work at has more older people than anyone my age (26) so I am kind of stuck.

I have been trying to find a job in a new city, not just for relationship issues but also because I want a change, and even have someone to live with in Seattle, but I can't get a job at all.

So being here almost kills me. Bah!

Where do you live?

 

[DrBo42]

Pretty much what you posted.

She's done it once before and I just wondered if she's trying to blow me off. I don't think that's the case but figured I'd ask anyway.

I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[Vermillion]

One thing I've noticed after becoming single the past 3 months or so, every girl that's somewhat attractive has a boyfriend. Shit sucks.

Also is it still bad that I have trust issues with women after being cheated on in every relationship I've been in so far in my life? Especially with the most recent being close to 6 years and engaged. I just feel like its pointless if everyone just cheats on you and finds something better. And I feel that there is always something better.

In my experience, the women who share my interests are either taken or they have issues. :/

 

[Danielsan]

Not entirely related to the thread, but just got back to my bike at the station.
Yeah... this is not a great conclusion to my night...



Had to walk home for 30-40 minutes carrying my bike. I hope whoever did this this had a ton of fun, and also breaks both his legs tomorrow.

Why should it make you nervous? OK, if you say sex, performance anxiety is a real thing, sure. But feeling her up and such? What's there to get nervous about? That's what I'd ask myself if I was in your place. Never had those feelings myself, that phase is probably one of the few incredibly relaxing things I've experienced, but I've had fear about all sorts of other things in life and it can help me to rationalize.

Also, why the fuck should she care that you only had sex with one girl? That should be a boon to you. She doesn't have to worry about breaking you in but you aren't a slut.

I really don't know. It seems to be an automatic body response, one that either I or she notices, which then causes me to fixate on it which in turn amplifies it. Ooh well, it should pass with time.

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Where do you live?

Iowa. College town nonetheless. Issue is I'm now 26 and there aren't a lot of women my age that stick around after school. Some, but not a lot.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Hey someone linked me to this reddit (sorry) thing asking women to list things that men were insecure about that didn't actually matter. Thought it might make an interesting read/ confidence booster. Here it is.

This list does nothing to quell the fear of those of us with micropenises. What can you do when you lack the one thing that defines you as a man?

 

[Slayer-33]

Well I'm going on a date with someone from OKC in a few hours. Thing is she just recently updated her profile with some stuff that kinda turns me off, so I'm almost not looking forward to it now.

Oh well, I'll try to make the best of it and give it a fair chance. How do you handle leaving a date? I've never exactly been on a date that's so... overtly a date before.

What happened? lol

 

[Xun]

While I'm going to have awesome memories for the rest of my life because of college... it's not necessarily what you see in movies.

Just because you go to college, rush a fraternity, hit up all the parties, etc; doesn't mean you're going to get laid or become a star like the characters in those films you see. Take it from me, first hand.

True.

It just bothers me I'll probably never be able to have the type of fun I could've had in college, and that just gives me a great deal of regret.

Not entirely related to the thread, but just got back to my bike at the station.
Yeah... this is not a great conclusion to my night...



Had to walk home for 30-40 minutes carrying my bike. I hope whoever did this this had a ton of fun, and also breaks both his legs tomorrow.

That sucks man, sorry to hear about your bike!

Iowa. College town nonetheless. Issue is I'm now 26 and there aren't a lot of women my age that stick around after school. Some, but not a lot.

Age doesn't really matter man.

What's wrong with all those hot college girls?

 

[Deadly Cyclone]

Nothing's wrong with college girls, none are interested in me though.

I don't interact with them like I did in college through classes. At bars they are usually with their guys.

 

[low-G]

Not entirely related to the thread, but just got back to my bike at the station.
Yeah... this is not a great conclusion to my night...



Had to walk home for 30-40 minutes carrying my bike. I hope whoever did this this had a ton of fun, and also breaks both his legs tomorrow.


I really don't know. It seems to be an automatic body response, one that either I or she notices, which then causes me to fixate on it which in turn amplifies it. Ooh well, it should pass with time.

Uncontrollable anxiety (I had it way worse than that) was my main problem. The only things I learned were patience, rationalization, physical efforts (like taking a walk to relax, maybe not applicable here)...

If I were you maybe the next step would be to focus on her. Focus on the physical sensations, feel her skin, think about it. Think about how lucky you are to be in that situation.

Actually when I think about it I'm often thinking about how lucky I am to be where I am when I'm having a great time with a girl(s), and usually about how mind blown I'd be if I could show myself of 1-2 years ago, or god forbid more years ago, what I was experiencing / doing at the time.

That's how I experience life, but maybe there's some trick in that for you too, just throwing it out there.

 

[LProtag]

What happened? lol

Eh, well beyond all that stuff that I saw in her profile the date just didn't go great anyway.

I kinda said bye and didn't really make physical contact or make any promises of contacting her again, much less seeing her again. What do I do if she messages me? Just let her know I didn't feel like there was chemistry or anything?

 

[DrBo42]

If she presses you and you feel there's no chemistry/desire to see her again just be honest.

 

[balddemon]

News Flash: that's the kind of thing that makes you look insecure.

so constantly trying to better myself in the things i do and to do them better than my peers who are also trying to constantly better themselves...we are insecure?

that explains a lot.

 

[LProtag]

Is it cool if I don't contact her? Does that get the message across?

 

[DrBo42]

Is it cool if I don't contact her? Does that get the message across?

Yep.

 

[Slayer-33]

Eh, well beyond all that stuff that I saw in her profile the date just didn't go great anyway.

I kinda said bye and didn't really make physical contact or make any promises of contacting her again, much less seeing her again. What do I do if she messages me? Just let her know I didn't feel like there was chemistry or anything?

haha


Anyway... Speaking of dating... I need a fucking wardrobe to work it.. I got money but I don't spend any of that on "me" for this sort of thing.

The mens fashion thread might be a bit out there for me (in the styles pushed) but I can probably get some general pointers for a decent base group of clothes to get for regular outwear here in NYC. I'm so out of the loop with all of that shit.

 

[shanshan310]

All good points. Which is why I wouldn't ask her or pressure her to do it. It was a passing thought, a 'wouldn't it be nice' moment.

You're comments (and those like yours) inadvertently pressure women into these kinds of things, regardless of whether you intend it to. But whatever, sorry for derailing.

 

[Jhoan]

haha


Anyway... Speaking of dating... I need a fucking wardrobe to work it.. I got money but I don't spend any of that on "me" for this sort of thing.

The mens fashion thread might be a bit out there for me (in the styles pushed) but I can probably get some general pointers for a decent base group of clothes to get for regular outwear here in NYC. I'm so out of the loop with all of that shit.

Seriously? You don't have to go with the same style that some of the guys in the Manshion thread wear. There's a good amount of stuff in the OP. I personally don't like the rolled up pants with shoes/sneakers look. The thread is useful for fashion advice but you don't have to buy expensive stuff to look good; the more you pay, the better the quality but work with whatever you can afford.

As long as the clothes fit your form, it's fine; when I was a teen I used to wear baggy clothes, but once I started working out and bought my first pair of tight jeans and shirts during my senior year, I never looked back.

Having spoken with several NYC Gaffers, the most popular places that they like to shop at are Uniqlo, H&M, American Eagle, Century 21 (I personally shop there; it's a cheaper version of Macy's; they have all types of clothing there), and of course Macy's.

There's plenty of other places in the city as well as in the malls in Jersey with different price ranges. If you have any female friends, then take them with you when you go shopping; women tend to have a good eye for what's popular.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

The mens fashion thread might be a bit out there for me (in the styles pushed) but I can probably get some general pointers for a decent base group of clothes to get for regular outwear here in NYC. I'm so out of the loop with all of that shit.

If anything I've found the manshion thread to be very sensible in their tastes. I don't know why they put that professor badass guy in the OP when no one in the thread seems to care or want to copy his style. We just wanna dress sharp without pushing any crazy boundaries.


Anyways I have been out a lot over the last 3 days, it's been different at least but no real connections to speak of. You just sort of meet some people, spend some time talking to them, do a few things, and then that's it.