After a series of dates with some girls from OCK, random meetups at bars & other locations, I find myself lacking connections with nearly all of them after 2-3 dates. I'm getting bored with them too quickly which is leading me to wonder whether I'm expecting too much too quickly or if they are truly just boring and uninteresting. Holding a conversation of substance is important to me & these women could not hold one after the initial dates.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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If the girls in your area on OKC are like mine, I'm going to guess they are just really uninteresting and dull.
They are beyond dull, which would explain why they are on a dating website to begin with. I'm using OKC as a social experiment of sorts just to see how it goes. It is in no way my primary grounds for female interaction. Thought it would be fun to see who I could meet or gain the interest of through the site -- I let the girl message me. I refuse to be the one to make first contact.
first time poster, long time lurker
So me and my girl have been going out for 16 months. It has been great and we are in love blah blah blah. We lived with each other for 9 months and it was awesome. It worked out and we loved being around each other. Sadly, I am going about 90 minutes north for college this coming fall so we left our apartment and she is back living with her parents (Im living on a boat).
Any advice for long distance relationship? 90 minutes is not that far and i own a boat with 2 of my buddies where she lives so I'll be able to come down twice a month and spend the weekend with her.
My only concern is the cheating...see I stole her from this black dude (I'm white/Hispanic so this gives me a sense of accomplishment, albeit I felt pretty bad) but it makes me a bit weary that someone might be able to steal her from me. Any advice on the matter? I also believe in karma and fully expect something to fuck us up because of how our relationship started...
any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!
So me and my girl have been going out for 16 months. It has been great and we are in love blah blah blah. We lived with each other for 9 months and it was awesome. It worked out and we loved being around each other. Sadly, I am going about 90 minutes north for college this coming fall so we left our apartment and she is back living with her parents (Im living on a boat).
Any advice for long distance relationship? 90 minutes is not that far and i own a boat with 2 of my buddies where she lives so I'll be able to come down twice a month and spend the weekend with her.
My only concern is the cheating...see I stole her from this black dude (I'm white/Hispanic so this gives me a sense of accomplishment, albeit I felt pretty bad) but it makes me a bit weary that someone might be able to steal her from me. Any advice on the matter? I also believe in karma and fully expect something to fuck us up because of how our relationship started...
any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!
Long-distance relationships are tough & can be hell -- I went through one during college as well. Don't let cheating enter your mind at all because if you have a fear of that happening then it shows you have trust issues. If what you say is true about loving her and her loving you, then cheating will never occur. Do not become jealous or clingy.
Communication and trust will be key to holding a healthy long-distance relationship.
shanshan310
Member
I wouldn't be that worried about cheating. If the time you spend together is good, then she'd really have no reason to. Two weekends a month is not so bad, and there is always skype. A lot of uni-age couples only see each other that often anyway, what with the study. If she was going to cheat, it wouldn't matter if you were 90 minutes away or ten. If travel was more difficult it would be different. Is there any way you can move back in together closer to college? Maybe in the middle? at 45 minute commute is less than I take 
Nerds with Guns
Banned
why does this give you a sense of accomplishment?
Arjen
Member
So, quik update after the weekend.
Havent heard from girl A in over a week, so that's probably over.
Girl B came over friday, we watched a movie, had a good time and she stayed the night.
I like her, but i really don't want to rush into things to quik, but she's texting me all the time, i mean like all day long. I try to respond every time, but it's getting a bit annoying..
How can i make this clear without coming off as a dick?
Havent heard from girl A in over a week, so that's probably over.
Girl B came over friday, we watched a movie, had a good time and she stayed the night.
I like her, but i really don't want to rush into things to quik, but she's texting me all the time, i mean like all day long. I try to respond every time, but it's getting a bit annoying..
How can i make this clear without coming off as a dick?
Just be honest with her. Tell her that she's a really nice girl, but you're just not interested in a relationship with her right now, or at least nothing too serious. It may sting her a bit, but in the long run, it will be way better for the both of you. People appreciate honesty as long as you're not mean about it.
Vermillion
Banned
Something something never go back?
electricshake
Member
I don't have any good advice for you sadly, but I get this too. The last guy who noticed was really sweet about it, he kept asking if I was ok. I was just honest and told him I was nervous because I really liked him, and he said he felt the same.
Arjen
Member
I guess you're right, i'm just godawfull putting the way i feel into words to people i don't know that well.
shanshan310
Member
aaah, I too remember that feeling. I got so nervous my legs used to shake violently. It will pass soon enough
Silverskiold
Neo Member
I had a long-distance relationship which worked pretty good, even the distance was probably about 1500 miles.
I can pretty much agree with everything NateDrake said, trust is really essential. If you start getting worried about the risk of her cheating on you then it just won't work. It's really easy for the relationship go in to a downhill spiral that way. Don't try to be in constant contact with her either or start focusing on the single fact that you can't be near each other all the time. Try to focus a lot on your own life and cherish the moments you have together instead. Two weeks can go really fast.
MadraptorMan
Member
What are your guys' opinions on a 26 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl? I know it's technically fine and legal and all that, but I think it might end up being too much drama if I go forward with it. Or as usual it will probably not amount to dating anyway, haha.
Truth is I found a girl that seemed like a perfect match for me, same age and everything, about three weeks ago...but she suddenly dropped all contact with me, even when I tried inviting her out to eat and drink on two separate occasions, I got no response whatsoever...started out so promising but I'm trying to move on at this point... :/
Truth is I found a girl that seemed like a perfect match for me, same age and everything, about three weeks ago...but she suddenly dropped all contact with me, even when I tried inviting her out to eat and drink on two separate occasions, I got no response whatsoever...started out so promising but I'm trying to move on at this point... :/
I think It pretty much depends on the girl. I've met 21/22 year old girls who act and/or look like 17/18 year old girls and the other way around. Although that still doesn't mean that the drama queen inside her might not come up, they do handle relationships differently than 26 year old's for sure.
Shao Kahn Going Shopping
Banned
Don't be that guy. Stay away, thank us later.
Glorified G
Member
The fuck?
Omegasquash
Member
What this man said. Have fun, but don't have expectations. And if you're walking in WITH expectations of a LTR/SO thing happening, then turn around and walk out.
How do you guys transition from kissing in private to kissing in public?. Only time I've kissed her so far is when she stayed over and it was obvious it was going to happen. Now I've seen her twice again, had a ton of fun at the carnival getting our faces painted and hanging around in the park but I haven't had a lot of physical contact with her since the time she stayed over and I feel like I might get friendzoned at this rate if I don't grow some balls. I'd just hate ruining an awesome day trying to kiss a girl when she leaves when she doesn't really want to.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Holding hands first and slowly working your way there works wonders, in my experience, other than just mustering up the guts to just do it.
I actually hear this speech-thing from a guy who's whole point was actually to ask, literally ask them with verbal communication, if you could kiss them. He said it breaks the ice better, there's no mis-communication, and its not as awkward (or so he tries to make you believe). Its not a perfect method but this may work for you too.
Omegasquash
Member
Sorry to hear, brah. How long were you seeing each other?
If you know any good bike dealing junkies, let me know. I don't live in Amsterdam so supply is limited around here.
It's only been two weeks. Though in that time we've seen each other four times and talked to one and other every day. Probably should have created more space, even though more often than not she was the one who initiated contact. Wasn't in love with her, but it really bums me out. A lot of time, energy and money gone to waste.
Thanks for the advice but I don't think holding hands will work on her. This is gonna sound really messed up but I don't think she's really looking for a relationship and although I wouldn't mind having one with her I'm not begging for it either. I think holding hands might scare her off. Gah...Just sitting here trying to explain the whole situation makes me realize how messed up it all is but underneath it all she is a really cool girl. I just have the feeling she's messing around with some other dude aswell and taking that way more seriously than what we have going which is bumming me out real bad.
She's always pretty much been my achilles heel since I knew her from 3 years before and was pretty much hopelessly in love with her, she didn't exactly feel the same way and we lost contact pretty quickly. Now I'm taking things a lot less serious and trying to stay cool but I'm already noticing myself looking more at my phone again and overthinking things which is exactly what I did wrong the first time. I'm just not enlightened yet like you guys are I guess. Have to learn my lesson with this girl first...I'm just hoping it's not going to drag out too long.
We agreed to have some sort of regular movie nigh which hopefully might turn into something enjoyable seeing as once she comes over we always have a pretty good time and there's the possibility of us snuggling/kissing. Unfortunately we pretty much agreed to decide on a date later on so now I have to play the whole texting game and hope she doesn't cool off on the whole idea.
Hypereides
Member
Its fine. Youre overthinking it.
If it were, say, a 16-17 year old then we might've had a problem.
Most girls at the early 20's/ late teens are pretty good at decieving how mature they are.
The girl Im seeing just turned 20 and clearly plays it with a pokerface, truth is currently I cant consider her to be a solid candidate for a long term relationship, because Ive experienced girls her age before. Plus she's emotionally unstable/unavaliable & lacks some trust in men to a degree. It might just be my own personal experiences, which is why I allow her to see other guys and me see other women.
Take it slow and easy. If you push it you'll just turn her off completely. And it can be a learning experience for you.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Holding hands ≠ "I want a relationship", its a good way to open up to romantic touching in public and would be a good way to work up to kissing in public, in my view.
Look, she's been on your mind for years and you're finally in a situation where you're able to kiss her and she's welcoming to that? Don't let that pass you by. "Learn your lesson" sounds like you're punishing yourself. For what? Don't learn or lesson if you force yourself to learn it. It seems like self-sabotage.
If she's fooling around with another guy, ask her and voice your concerns. And stop texting, maybe trying calling. Voice > text.
If I'm ever in that situation I'm going to say "Well that's a nice way of putting it".
I don't know about that.
Nothing says I <3 <3 <3 you :3 like holding hands. Some people just ain't about that kinda thing. Even if they do have a high romantic thing.
The only girl I briefly "went out" with held my hand not long after we made out.
It was a bit sudden.
The only girl I briefly "went out" with held my hands not long after we made out.
It was a bit sudden.
I just think its on the opposite end of the spectrum of grabbing ass. Some people like it, some people want it - but if you shoot and miss its just kinda like "really guy?". Especially if you're not really in a serious relationship and the other person doesn't want to be. Hell, showing that kind of attachment to some, while in a semi-open relationship, is one of the quickest ways to shut yourself down. "This girl/guy is obviously getting too attached" "I told them that this was just for fun, ugh" "I could've sworn I told them we were just friends, why are they trying to make this look like its something serious when its not?" etc.
Nah. It's a pretty low-key diner so the tips are never that big anyway. Plus she's not exactly overtly nice/cute about things. I don't wanna say she's shy, but she doesn't exactly initiate conversations either.
I dunno, it just seems weird to walk in that late just by myself without a good reason. We've only been there at like 2-3 in the morning so far, because like I've said we see a midnight movie then go eat for the discount. I kind of assume she's a late shift worker at this point.
See above.
I'm tempted to do the note/number on the back of the receipt routine, but since you have to physically hand her the receipt when you pay I feel like I'm being a grade schooler passing notes. It's not even really about the fear of her saying no or not being interested or whatever, I'm just trying to think of the smoothest way of going about it.
Cool, I was expecting a negative reaction to the whole story but I definitely do want to give it a shot and I suppose already assuming the worst IS self-sabotage. I've always preferred voice over text and we pretty much have no text contact unless we want meet up but that does mean I hardly talk to her in between dates so maybe I should just call her up a little more often. I'll probably call her sometime this week to discuss the movie night idea. I wanted to confront her about the dude on our last date but I just didn't want to ruin the mood I guess. I don't think it's a good idea to confront her on the phone about that stuff right? I feel like it'd be much easier to keep that conversation light if it's not on the phone and be able to joke about it a little more.
I just have a hard time interpreting her moves since the night she slept over she pretty much cuddled up to me the whole night and it felt really loving, like it meant something. It was strange for me the two dates afterwards because I felt like it'd never happened. Thanks for being so optimistic about the whole thing because looking back on my last post I was clearly in a gloomy mood about the situation.
Yeah I think it depends on how the girl interprets it and how much she likes that sort of romantic touching. And I think she might interpret handholding in the ways you mentioned in your second post so what do you suggest?. Just keep trucking along or maybe get some other form of physical contact in there?
Definitely the latter. The extended hand holding stuff can just... not do the thing for some. Some people are more into the more spontaneous forms of showing love. Anybody can give a hug right? Go hard and hug the shit out of her - pick her damn near off her feet. Hold her from behind, arms around the waist while resting your chin right around her neck. That kind of quick moment, intense thing might be a better way of getting your feelings across without setting off all kinds of "oh shit, I don't want to get in too deep" warning sirens.
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So, this girl from highschool commented on something I posted on Facebook, then messaged me tonight. She said she missed me, and that we should hang out some time. Obviously, I was king of surprised by this, not to mention how out of the blue it was.
Anyway, she gave me her number, and we were just talking about stuff, but then she brought up the hanging out thing again. Then I realized she meant with her and a bunch of other people from our highscool. I said it sounded like fun, and the conversation just kind of petered out.
So, I figure this is just a friendly thing, right? That was the overall vibe I was getting more and more as this went on.
Devolution
Member
Trying to better yourself for yourself is the best way to go about it. Caring so much about how you stack up to other people is not a good look.
AHA-Lambda
Member
ok last chance bump. Has no one got any thoughts or advice to help out here? =/
Again it seems like the vibe you're putting out there is the issue. Lack of confidence & feeling doomed to fail is something girls pick up on. Chin up, be positive, try and have fun.
Darren870
Member
I agree with DrBo42. Also if your feeling very high strung when going out to bar id say a drink or two wont hurt in trying to help you to calm you down.
Its always easier to approach girls when you are with your friends or a group of people. Girls wont think your alone and just out on the prowl. (Though it is possible) Clubs are annoying to try and mingle, mostly because its just way to loud. You wan't a bar that is playing music that you can actually hear someone and converse.
Approaching random people (men and women) isn't an easy thing at all. It can be very uncomfortable and very awkward and rejection can hit you hard. You can control a few things though and that is the environment and yourself. If your not comfortable with the environment around you (eg club being to loud) then its only going to make approaching people harder. Same goes with style, outfit, friends etc. The more comfortable you are with the things you can control the easier it is to talk to people.
So yea, I would say start with your clothes and then work your way to the environment. If your already comfortable with your outfit then go to the next step. Soon you will walk into a place with a smile and a positive attitude and people do notice you...trust me. Oh and girl friends (not the SO kind) are the best to help you with outfits if you don't know anything about style.
Hope that helps a bit.
-D
shanshan310
Member
Yup. Wanting a girl, any girl, to fill a space is not the right way to go about starting a relationship.
Hey guys, need some help to see if what I did was right.
I'm a married guy for almost 2 years and we have, what I would like to think, a steady relationship. Last week I got an invitation to attend the Nintendo Wii U Gaming Lounge that will be held next to the San Diego Comic Con, the invitation said I could bring along 1 guest so I obviously told my wife about it (even though she isn't interested in gaming), she agreed and I replied that I was attending.
Yesterday i received the confirmation and they added that I could bring along 3 guests, not just 1 so I decided to invite 2 of my gaming buddies and she was upset because of this. She was arguing that if they were so important then I should had invited one of them in the first place and that we won't have time for us alone now because I will be working this Saturday to cover a friend who's on vacation.
I kept telling her that when I was invited I was told I could only bring 1 person and that I choose her because she's more important but now they told me I could bring 2 more and said "why not?" and want to invite 2 friends. As for Saturday I told her I would be free after 3 pm so we would have the rest of the day for us alone. She didn't care and kept telling me that she doesn't want to go with my friends and that if i wanted to go with that then she would leave the house with our baby and stay with her mom for the rest of the week. That pissed me off and told her that I was going with that, I'm the one who's invited and decides who to invite not her.
Was I wrong? Her attitude seemed childish and somewhat possessive, it's not the first she acts like this and I'm afraid she's trying to gain control over the relationship.
I'm a married guy for almost 2 years and we have, what I would like to think, a steady relationship. Last week I got an invitation to attend the Nintendo Wii U Gaming Lounge that will be held next to the San Diego Comic Con, the invitation said I could bring along 1 guest so I obviously told my wife about it (even though she isn't interested in gaming), she agreed and I replied that I was attending.
Yesterday i received the confirmation and they added that I could bring along 3 guests, not just 1 so I decided to invite 2 of my gaming buddies and she was upset because of this. She was arguing that if they were so important then I should had invited one of them in the first place and that we won't have time for us alone now because I will be working this Saturday to cover a friend who's on vacation.
I kept telling her that when I was invited I was told I could only bring 1 person and that I choose her because she's more important but now they told me I could bring 2 more and said "why not?" and want to invite 2 friends. As for Saturday I told her I would be free after 3 pm so we would have the rest of the day for us alone. She didn't care and kept telling me that she doesn't want to go with my friends and that if i wanted to go with that then she would leave the house with our baby and stay with her mom for the rest of the week. That pissed me off and told her that I was going with that, I'm the one who's invited and decides who to invite not her.
Was I wrong? Her attitude seemed childish and somewhat possessive, it's not the first she acts like this and I'm afraid she's trying to gain control over the relationship.
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