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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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You sound like me a year ago! It sucks, and it feels like it's the end of everything, but it's not, and you'll carry on and eventually it won't hurt as much as it does now.
 
My boyfriend and I did two things last night for the first time ever in our two year relationship.

1) We looked at porn together.
2) Had a three-some with an escort.

@_@ it was a ton of fun, but now my head is spinning. Anyone else done this/do it on the regular? I'm turned on by the thought of doing it again, but I worry he will take advantage in the future.
 
okno said:
My boyfriend and I did two things last night for the first time ever in our two year relationship.

1) We looked at porn together.
2) Had a three-some with an escort.

@_@ it was a ton of fun, but now my head is spinning. Anyone else done this/do it on the regular? I'm turned on by the thought of doing it again, but I worry he will take advantage in the future.
Click to expand...

Waaaaaaaaat.
 
needlejuice said:
Well after laying it on the line, it made no difference. His mind is made up and he's going to work towards not being gay. My heart is aching, and remaining friends with him will be tough, as I'll always be thinking of one more chance...

He is being compassionate and trying to help me come to terms with this. I guess that's something, but I'm not the kind of guy that can just flick my feelings off with a switch.

I'd imagine this whole episode will have a profound affect on my ability to ever trust another human being again. It's been the worst year of my life, and just when you need someone the most this happens.

I feel like I'll never get over this.
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You can and will get over this. Its incredibly fucked up and unfair for you but this is a problem with him. He's got serious internal problems that don't seem to have anything to do with you. Self hate like that is pretty pathetic.

Your life is not over.
 
needlejuice said:
I've been trying to find answers and coping mechanisms since this news broke.

But there aren't any. I never thought I'd have to go through anything like this. Break-ups are difficult, I've had a few. But this guy made me feel we would be together forever.

This wasn't just something I imagined. We were a fantastic match, imperfect but very compatible.

I did ask if there was someone else, and I believe there isn't. But my fear is there may be someone down the line.

I'm quite vulnerable and not a very strong minded person which makes this all almost too much to bare. I've been having terrible thoughts and agonising with myself over just ending this unbearable sadness that I feel for good.

I've never been faced with such a bleak and empty tomorrow.
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It must be really tough for you right now and the only advice I can give you is to allow yourself to feel the pain. You have to have a mourning period.Even though it feels like you can't take the pain, you are stronger than you think. With time, you will hurt less and you will be able to think of the relationship and all the good things you got out of it all the while realizing that it was not meant to be.

Your ex needs to sort out his issues and unfortunately there is nothing that you can do about it. It's not your fault, it's his. You have nothing to blame yourself about.

Remember, if you need to vent or lay things in writing, you are more that welcome to do it here. Allow yourself time to be sad, listen to some Adele, and try to put some distance between the two of you. His compassion is suspect and I have an inkling that eventually he might try to persuade you to pray the gay away. If he was so concerned about your well being, why would he do this? If he is getting bullied into doing this by his family, is this really the kind of person you want to be with?
 
okno said:
My boyfriend and I did two things last night for the first time ever in our two year relationship.

1) We looked at porn together.
2) Had a three-some with an escort.

@_@ it was a ton of fun, but now my head is spinning. Anyone else done this/do it on the regular? I'm turned on by the thought of doing it again, but I worry he will take advantage in the future.
Click to expand...

Elaborate on #2 please and thank you. :)
 
needlejuice said:
I've been trying to find answers and coping mechanisms since this news broke.

But there aren't any. I never thought I'd have to go through anything like this. Break-ups are difficult, I've had a few. But this guy made me feel we would be together forever.

This wasn't just something I imagined. We were a fantastic match, imperfect but very compatible.

I did ask if there was someone else, and I believe there isn't. But my fear is there may be someone down the line.

I'm quite vulnerable and not a very strong minded person which makes this all almost too much to bare. I've been having terrible thoughts and agonising with myself over just ending this unbearable sadness that I feel for good.

I've never been faced with such a bleak and empty tomorrow.
Click to expand...

So sorry to read this whole ordeal. Truly awful and heart wrenching.

I know things are bleak, they will be for a while.

All I can say is try to move on and try to keep as busy as possible to keep your mind focused and NOT lingering... work, friends (BIG ONE), travel, anything to help you pass the time and get your mind off this guy.
 
okno said:
My boyfriend and I did two things last night for the first time ever in our two year relationship.

1) We looked at porn together.
2) Had a three-some with an escort.

@_@ it was a ton of fun, but now my head is spinning. Anyone else done this/do it on the regular? I'm turned on by the thought of doing it again, but I worry he will take advantage in the future.
Click to expand...

Hmm. I'll go out on a limb a bit and talk.

It's been about ten years since we last did anything like that. We were about five years into the relationship. It was never really a regular thing, as I could count on one hand the number of times we did it.

We had a particularly key rule back then: this would happen only when on vacation - when we were far, far away from home - just so that it would minimize the chance of running into that person (or persons, hehe) in the future. No chance of complications!

Still, the mental/emotional paths that were made possible due to opening that particular door were not very appetizing, so we didn't go much farther than the few times it did happen. It was fun, though. Establish the rules and your worries very clearly and before you go any further with this.

If you go any further, just tread carefully. It's titillating, but if the guy you're with is a prize, the reward isn't usually worth the risk.
 
HylianTom said:
Hmm. I'll go out on a limb a bit and talk.

It's been about ten years since we last did anything like that. We were about five years into the relationship. It was never really a regular thing, as I could count on one hand the number of times we did it.
It
We had a particularly key rule back then: this would happen only when on vacation - when we were far, far away from home - just so that it would minimize the chance of running into that person (or persons, hehe) in the future. No chance of complications!

Still, the mental/emotional paths that were made possible due to opening that particular door were not very appetizing, so we didn't go much farther than the few times it did happen. It was fun, though. Establish the rules and your worries very clearly and before you go any further with this.

If you go any further, just tread carefully. It's titillating, but if the guy you're with is a prize, the reward isn't usually worth the risk.
Click to expand...

I agree, although the bf and I haven't participated yet. We figured we'd talk more about threesomes after our anniversary, just to give our relationship a little more time to grow and to get a better idea of what we want. The only thing we know for sure is we want to do it together. We also talked about the vacation rule, so chances are it'd be at something like ptown or an out of state bear run.

That said we are comfortable enough to point out guys we'd want to take home :-D
 
Masamuna said:
That said we are comfortable enough to point out guys we'd want to take home :-D
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Yup! We developed a code for when we were out on the hunt. If we were chatting-up a guy or guys and wanted to indicate approval of the target, one of us would say something like, "I sure could go for a Barqs!" Worked like a charm.. :)
 
sphinx said:
anyone here has sex or would have sex without love (aka, just for fun) if given the chance??
Click to expand...

Sex without love is pretty easy. I'm in a relationship currently but when I haven't been in a relationship I've had casual sex before. As long as you play safe, what's the problem?
 
HylianTom said:
Hmm. I'll go out on a limb a bit and talk.

It's been about ten years since we last did anything like that. We were about five years into the relationship. It was never really a regular thing, as I could count on one hand the number of times we did it.

We had a particularly key rule back then: this would happen only when on vacation - when we were far, far away from home - just so that it would minimize the chance of running into that person (or persons, hehe) in the future. No chance of complications!

Still, the mental/emotional paths that were made possible due to opening that particular door were not very appetizing, so we didn't go much farther than the few times it did happen. It was fun, though. Establish the rules and your worries very clearly and before you go any further with this.

If you go any further, just tread carefully. It's titillating, but if the guy you're with is a prize, the reward isn't usually worth the risk.
Click to expand...

This makes me feel better. I woke up this morning feeling really anxious about it, and had a mild anxiety attack on my train ride into work. The reality of the situation is beginning to sink in, but I know this won't become a regular thing. We were both hammered after partying Friday night and he decided to show me what he looks at when he looks at porn. This is something he has kept viciously hidden from me since we first met, so it was a huge step. Turns out he likes to chat with guys on cams (he doesn't cam, just likes to look at them) and escort websites. He has also never acted on this before, so it was a big step for him. He gets off on the hunt and the flirtation that is involved in the process.

The reason I went ahead and said, "let's order one," is because I am physically incapable of indulging one of his fantasies, and that is to suck a big cock. I'm of average size/girth, definitely not small, but nothing fancy, and he's well-endowed. The thought of indulging this fantasy of his was a huge turn-on for me, so I said, "let's go." It was fun, if a little strange at first, but the guy was very no-nonsense. Literally came into the room, laid down on the bed, and pulled his pants down and then my boyfriend went to town while I went down on him. We switched off a couple of times, but I mostly let him have his fun. As soon as my boyfriend came, the guy got up, pulled his pants up, and walked out (did anyone care to ask me if I was done? Nooooooo...) We both now feel closer than every to each other, but there are a lot of underlying questions that are coming up now that I had never thought about before. I'm going to sit him down and talk about it tonight, as we haven't talked about it AT ALL other than to say, "that was fun," when it was over.

Still, it was pretty fun.
 
The definition can be a bit more vague than other body stereotypes. It's essentially a slim, fit guy with body hair.

Ain't nothin' hotter than an otter.
 
sphinx said:
anyone here has sex or would have sex without love (aka, just for fun) if given the chance??
Click to expand...

I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking if it's with people you don't care about at all, or are you thinking of people you care about but aren't necessarily in love with, or do you actually mean love?

I've only been in love once (as in, actually said it out loud to that person) so that'd mean I had lots of sex without love, ha.
 
sphinx said:
anyone here has sex or would have sex without love (aka, just for fun) if given the chance??
Click to expand...

Definitely. lol. I don't think I've actually reached 'love' with anyone yet (mistook infatuation for it with my first guy)

You gotta get out there, play safe, figure out what you like. Still in the process of doing that myself, as much as I also want to know what sex and love are like together.

3AQmK.gif
 
There's more than sex with or without love. I have had passionate sex that gave me such a warm feeling without being in love.

Actually I haven't but I've fantasized about it plenty.
 
Hey GayGAF, how many people here use Scruff and/ or Grindr?

I've had a couple Scruff hook ups recently. Last night I got together with a guy from Scruff and we had a really hot time, nice chemistry and a long chat while lazing around in my bed afterward. He mentioned that he's an actor and told me the play he's currently in. I looked it up after he left and I realized that he's a long held minor celebrity crush! Not a huge celeb by any means, but a character actor who's been in a number of quite big movies and some TV over the years o_O
 
The whole casual sex/Grindr thing is one of the biggest issues I've struggled with for years... There's probably definitely a reason why the few people I've had sex with are existing friends: they like me for who I am and aren't objectifying me.

Being on Grindr makes me feel like dirt, but once in a while the hormonal urges build up enough where I still attempt to put myself out there, and always disgustedly (or disappointingly?) shut it off. It's funny how jerking off gives me the same end result, but dammit, sometimes I want to have my hands on skin that isn't mine.

Meh. I'll continue to be frustrated and alienated by most other gays until hopefully being lucky enough to find a guy who actually wants to be with me and not just a dick.
 
My problem with Grindr is that it seems inorganic. I don't have to befriend someone first but I do kind of need to know what kind of rapport or chemistry is there to know if I want to sleep with someone or not.
 
I actually just deleted my Grindr today. I keep Scruff because I talk to a few people on there in a non-sexual way. But Grindr is just becoming annoying. You sort of know most people's intention of being on Grindr just because they are there. I guess being flirted with is nice, but my way of thinking about it is that someone is flirting with you and calling you hot and everything, but at the same time, how many other people are they currently doing that to, also? It's a game of who interests who the most.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
There's probably definitely a reason why the few people I've had sex with are existing friends: they like me for who I am and aren't objectifying me.

Being on Grindr makes me feel like dirt, but once in a while the hormonal urges build up enough where I still attempt to put myself out there, and always disgustedly (or disappointingly?) shut it off. It's funny how jerking off gives me the same end result, but dammit, sometimes I want to have my hands on skin that isn't mine.
Click to expand...

Same.
 
Morning everyone. So what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving (for USA gaygaf here)


Mercury Fred said:
Hey GayGAF, how many people here use Scruff and/ or Grindr?

I've had a couple Scruff hook ups recently. Last night I got together with a guy from Scruff and we had a really hot time, nice chemistry and a long chat while lazing around in my bed afterward. He mentioned that he's an actor and told me the play he's currently in. I looked it up after he left and I realized that he's a long held minor celebrity crush! Not a huge celeb by any means, but a character actor who's been in a number of quite big movies and some TV over the years o_O
Click to expand...

Stealth brag?
 
Thanks to having huge families on both sides, I'll be hittin' up my aunt's place (mom's sister) for thanksgiving lunch, and another aunt's place (this time my dad's cousin) for dinner!

I love the holidays :>
 
Just had THE worst fight I've ever had with my ex over the phone. :( He provoked me, I said some really harsh things, called him the c-word and other things I regret. Still, he provoked me and accused me of things I've never done, if someone does that, I go crazy, but there is really not an excuse for me being that mean.
Oh well, now I will never have to deal with him, we both made sure of that, and that is a relief. ^^
 
I sure can have sex without love... I had recently but something is odd, I can really point it, the guy is nice, I am nice, there's no attitude problems or anything.

but when it's over, I am glad and hope to not need sex again in months, or as long as possible... even though it actually went well, no regrets, so I don't understand.

as for grindr, bad app, I mean, ONE pic??? how in the world can I know if I am into a guy or not, handsome or not? and that's with a clear face, when it's the torso or a landscape, am I supposed to beg for a face pic? I don't understand how people manage to get anything out of that app.

King Endymion said:
Just had THE worst fight I've ever had with my ex over the phone. :( He provoked me, I said some really harsh things, called him the c-word and other things I regret. Still, he provoked me and accused me of things I've never done, if someone does that, I go crazy, but there is really not an excuse for me being that mean.
Oh well, now I will never have to deal with him, we both made sure of that, and that is a relief. ^^
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was it really necessary to discuss over the phone? :( discussions over the phone are most of the time, break-up discussions. No hugs, no eyes, no gesture, no nothing, pure hatred and apathy.
 
Grindr huh. Have it but never actually put my profile on it. Seeing things like bottomguy40 or bigdick51 or whatever kinda puts me off. Not really ready to jump into a meat market.


Ahhh, been listening to Guns 'n Roses all night. So nostalgic since my sister used to always listen to it. Thanks 'sis.
 
GasProblem said:
Grindr huh. Have it but never actually put my profile on it. Seeing things like bottomguy40 or bigdick51 or whatever kinda puts me off. Not really ready to jump into a meat market.


Ahhh, been listening to Guns 'n Roses all night. So nostalgic since my sister used to always listen to it. Thanks 'sis.
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That's on all gay websites, honestly.

I am about fed up with a lot of gay men I have encountered. I am ready to finally meet someone who knows what they want and are willing to one day settle down and make a commitment. =/
 
Wonder which is worse, having a crush on a straight guy who you know won't date you because he is straight or having a crush on a gay guy who you know won't date you at all.
 
I have been app-free and dating site-free for the last 8 months and you can't even believe how great I feel about it.

Not having any messages to check and not despairing about this or that guy not replying or doing so in a noncommittal way is fucking awesome.
I met a couple of guys the old fashioned way and even though it didn't lead to anything long lasting i am glad to have met them.

I am lucky enough to be living in a big city where there are tons if gay people and I am involved in a gay sports league which enables me to meet lots of new people so I know my circumstances are different from other people. I am not judging anyone but for those of you who are so miserable using Grindr or OKcupid and co, I'd encourage you to unplug and get out there.
 
sphinx said:
I sure can have sex without love... I had recently but something is odd, I can really point it, the guy is nice, I am nice, there's no attitude problems or anything.

but when it's over, I am glad and hope to not need sex again in months, or as long as possible... even though it actually went well, no regrets, so I don't understand.
Click to expand...

I've only had meaningless hook ups, so while I should feel like a whore, I really don't. I don't put much thought into it, just as sex and love aren't bound together, they aren't complete separated stuff either. I don't know if you can have "just" sex, some degree of feeling is always involved. The "true love" of fairy tales is just a myth, and what people call "real love" is more like a relationship maturing over the years, is something that is built, by that line of thought everyone's first time is sex without love.
 
Sex without love is ok for awhile. Figure out what you want and all that I guess.

Still I don't think I can do it anymore. It's so hollow.
 
Henchmen21 said:
Stealth brag?
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Mmm, it was more of a real shock.

As for hook up aps in general, my biggest issue with them is that they seem to foster some truly deplorable behavior, especially flakiness and indirectness. What I do like about them though is that it's a venue in which to be very open and candid about sexual wants, needs and desires. However, more and more, many guys seem to no longer be using the aps to actually connect with people but as a sort of Pokemon of gay guys-- some weird collectible game that's the end in and of itself rather than a means.

Also, my ideal is sex with someone I love, but when I don't have that I don't mind getting it where I can get it ;)
 
Welp, I thought everything was lined up this evening to meet with that guy I met with last week. Well, the last I heard from him he was going to the gym and then stated "I'll let you know" about later on tonight. 10 o'clock, still haven't heard anything. Saw him online on A4A.

Rejected again, but it's not worth getting upset over. He wasn't the first and he won't be the last. If he couldn't tell me to my face that he wasn't interested, then fine. I finally picked it up.

I'll get over it, but I definitely deserve a little bit more respect than that.
 
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