Usually out of annoyance and frustration because it's the same shit different month.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Usually out of annoyance and frustration because it's the same shit different month.
Vermillion
Banned
It's human nature to pay more attention to the negative than the positive.
JustHadToJoin
Member
What is worse, to be unattractive and unwilling to talk to women, or to be very attractive and too afraid of failure? Reading along here helps motivate me quite a bit and slowly I'm developing that killer instinct. It's so annoying how it's so easy to advise, so easy to know exactly what moves to make, but when it's you who has to act...ugh
Vermillion
Banned
The latter, easily. Only one side is wasting something - all other variables equal.
And trust me - I know that feeling. Advising? Easy. Following my own advice? Hah!
I'd say the former is much harder. In the latter's situation, if you're attractive, girls will come up to you more than once and do anything from saying hi to asking you to make out with them. The more that happens, the more your confidence goes up and the more your insecurities start fading a bit more into the background.
If you're unattractive (and I mean actually unattractive, not the nice normally looking kind that some people have fooled themselves into thinking is ugly), girls aren't going to be jumping over each other to spend time with you, and you can't reverse that if you're unwilling to approach them.
AdventureRacing
Member
That could possibly be because that has all been done in this thread a 100 times before.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I doubt this.
I disagree, I think a lot of the advice in here is very broad and all about confidence this or positive attitude that.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Don't forget about "work on yourself"
So let's see here....Okay I got it:
1. Confidence
2. Positive Attitude
3. Work on Yourself
4. Kiss and Fucking Take Her Right There
5. ???????
6. Profit
Well that does explain the hot girl with an ugly guy and the hot guy without a date.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I think it goes
1. Work on Yourself
2. Positive Attitude
3. Confidence
4. Just talk to her
5. Don't be a nice guy
6. ???????
7. Brent Smith profits
It explains why, doesn't explain how.
It wasn't much more complicated than those steps for me.. Life can be as simple or conplicated as you want it to be. For me, those steps translated to getting involved on campus in a service fraternity, taking social-oriented electives like speeches and ballroom dance, reading about meditation and reading some self help books, talking to people, listening to braggadocio rap music and flaunting the lyrica around for fun, watching brent smith videos, coming out as agnostic to my religious family, flipping the "proud of my strangeness" switch (maybe more like one of those sliding switches), and getting drunk more! And I'm always looking for more things to try, even though being receptive is still a challenge oftentimes.
Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed by life or society I just appreciate a wall's texture or think about astronomy or something. I've got plenty of improvement to do too, and it makes life interesting. I'm going to throw a house party when my parents leave in a few days, will be interesting no matter what
This is just me tho
Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed by life or society I just appreciate a wall's texture or think about astronomy or something. I've got plenty of improvement to do too, and it makes life interesting. I'm going to throw a house party when my parents leave in a few days, will be interesting no matter what
sausagefest I hope not!
This is just me tho
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Perfect end.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
You have to crawl before you can walk.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
But for a second let's be real. When you get past all that and most of the guys on here are still on the being positive step (Izick). When you get past it all then you come to the point where you have to be able to talk and act around people. There's nothing easy about that for some people, you could sit here and watch someone do it for a 1000 hours and learn nothing because it's unteachable. It's purely an art, not a science. There is no scripted conversation, it's all random, it all happens in the blink of an eye. Some people are good at it for a host of reasons and some people will go their entire life without being able to fully grasp it. Because the process is so incredible when you stop to look at it. You have to read body language, interpret dialogue, look for hidden meaning, cultural references, and then respond accordingly within a second. You have to act accordingly based on how long you've known the person, the kind of person they are, and the presented situation.
This is why that PUA stuff is so popular because it's the way out. You just look at it like some kind of technical procedure when it's anything but and that's why those guys usually can't hold a relationship. There's no training course for true social skills, no youtube videos, it's all just instinctual awareness.
Edit: Also forgot to mention that before you can even do all that your mind has to be in a place of emotional acceptance so that you aren't nervous or panicking when this is all happening because it will just exasperate the issue.
Another Edit: Also, appearance plays a role in all of this as well. People are much more likely to respond positively to the words of someone who looks and sounds better than others. Their words just carry more weight.
True, but these Dating-Age threads have at least helped folks get through that first stage. Every step of the way helps build experience towards that eventual life partner.
The_Inquisitor
Member
Welp I'm getting coffee with this girl I knew in college when she gets back to school next month. I asked her and she said yes.
Honestly I don't want to date her or anything. What I want to do is build back up some confidence and have a good time with a cute girl. I plan to set up a few coffee dates in January/February. Then I'm just going to play it cool and see what falls into my lap.
I also still have that girl that openly says she wants to have sex with me. 2013 will be off to an interesting start.
Honestly I don't want to date her or anything. What I want to do is build back up some confidence and have a good time with a cute girl. I plan to set up a few coffee dates in January/February. Then I'm just going to play it cool and see what falls into my lap.
I also still have that girl that openly says she wants to have sex with me. 2013 will be off to an interesting start.
luckyboyceo
Member
True, and while I think the majority of this is developed early on in someone's life via their environment and surroundings (both interpersonal and environmental), I don't think it's far fetched to say that someone can eventually learn the art of conversation as an adult.
I look at it much like learning a new language. It's challenging at first when things sound fast and sound like complete gibberish, but as you get experience and practice with that language, particularly by placing yourself in situations in which you're forced to use that language, things start to come together and the flow of that language slows down. I know personally, I've seen myself become a better conversationalist by spending time around people whom I consider good conversationalists. Some people may just have to force themselves into certain situations purely to gain practice, which then is contingent upon having that emotional acceptance you were referring to.
It's going to be daunting at first but I think it's definitely doable.
As an attractive guy that used to have severe confidence problems it think that it's far worse. Sure you will get attention from women, initially until they try to get to know you and are turned off by your timidness. And since you're attractive this happens ALL THE TIME. Constantly blowing it will gorgeous women and knowing that you could have dated them if you could just hold a conversation sucks. A lot. Also most of my early relationships were with girls that I didn't really like, it's just that they made the first move.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
See what bugs me is that these girls tell me how funny I am or how personable I am but they lose interest in me after talking to me. I mean do they expect me to be James Bond or something?
Girls never said that to me when I was younger. I used to be so jealous of guys that could make girls laugh. As for your point, for most women being funny isn't enough you have to be exciting in some way as well.
NeOak
Member
What are you waiting to bone her? That she finds a new dick and you lose the chance of free sex?
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Shit you're right, that could be what I'm missing. Excitement.
I think if people knew what awaits them there would be less worries about the first stage.
Funny is a good quality, but excitement or interesting attributes are greater pros. The idea of mystery helps. However, this varies girl to girl.
My biggest issue lately is failing at getting the girl I want interested in me. I end up getting the girl/girls I have no interest in wanting to date me. I could get sex from these girls, but I don't even want that from them.
Once 2013 hits I'll be at the gym every day to get back into great physical shape. So I'm fine with slow progress on the dating scene for the time-being.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
See now I feel like we're actually talking about specific advice here. Now if anyone had any advice on how to become more like this it would be perfect.
*Date that went quite well. Both wanted to see each other again*
*I call the day after before traveling abroad for three weeks*
*A couple of days later I text from overseas, she text back. She talks about being busy through xmas due to work but wanting to be overseas as well*
*I text again a day or two later, wanting to give her a call when she has a window of opportunity*
She hasn't replied to the text in five days. Silly me for putting too much weight on this but she was really appealing amongst a handful of recent dates.
Text her? Surprise call? Wait for her to reply back to me? Two more weeks abroad.
Edit: *phew* She messaged me today with a Merry Xmas message asking me when I will be back.
*I call the day after before traveling abroad for three weeks*
*A couple of days later I text from overseas, she text back. She talks about being busy through xmas due to work but wanting to be overseas as well*
*I text again a day or two later, wanting to give her a call when she has a window of opportunity*
She hasn't replied to the text in five days. Silly me for putting too much weight on this but she was really appealing amongst a handful of recent dates.
Text her? Surprise call? Wait for her to reply back to me? Two more weeks abroad.
Edit: *phew* She messaged me today with a Merry Xmas message asking me when I will be back.
Some guys are naturally mysterious in the way they act, meanwhile others are just fun and interesting at the same time. My brother is the type of guy who can act stupid, make girls laugh and have them think it is cute while engaging them with interesting conversation.
I'm the total opposite. My greatest strength (possible weakness) is letting a girl feel comfortable with me where she shares her life story on a first date. This had led me to being friend-zoned rather quickly.
Could text her tomorrow wishing a happy holiday and gauge her reply from that.
FortunateSon
Banned
Uh, what. I am nice if the girl is nice to me. If she's a bitch, then why can't I be one? Girls are just that, girls. They're not special.
The following paragraph consists of me calling her a bitch a couple of times just for example purposes.
In my situation, she asked for my help. I offered. Simple as that. But since I was attracted to her. I just used that method that is already given as a "in" to TRY and get into a relationship with her. Problem is; the girl was a bitch in thinking that just because she's pretty and knowing full well she can easily take advantage of guys like me with her looks (so how is she not a bitch in the first place for THINKING like that?). She could have you know, at least be genuine about it. Maybe being friends or whatnot. At least after me helping her out tons, putting time off from my schedule to help her etc... She could have at least made a decent effort in trying to communicate.
But nope. Nothing. Zero. Fuck her. And I say this in full confidence, fuck girls like her.
Why do my posts make you angry? She did use me. I don't blame her for it. I blame myself for falling for her shit.
You really think there aren't girls out there that take advantage of their looks? They do. And their intentions is to get something out of the opposite sex without giving back. Please.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I'm so angry guys.
This hot girl started talking to me in class, so of course she wants to suck my dick. I immediately "help" her and "listen" to her, but eventually I stop her midsentence and whip my dick out right next to her mouth. And then what happens? The bitch had the nerve to not suck my dick. She was the one that started talking to me!! Why would she use her female powers for evil like that?
Man fuck women.
This hot girl started talking to me in class, so of course she wants to suck my dick. I immediately "help" her and "listen" to her, but eventually I stop her midsentence and whip my dick out right next to her mouth. And then what happens? The bitch had the nerve to not suck my dick. She was the one that started talking to me!! Why would she use her female powers for evil like that?
Man fuck women.
FortunateSon
Banned
If that was directed at me. You are missing the damn point as well. She could have at the very least communicate with me effectively or try to make something happen, friendship wise or relationship. I wasn't forcing her. She didn't put an ounce of effort outside of class, she only did the "talk" in class because she HAD to otherwise I wouldn't be helping her because I don't fucking know who she is. I don't help strangers out of the blue.
I let myself be used by her and got extremely fooled by her extreme good looks. I can't fault her for being beautiful, that's not her problem. I can't fault her for taking advantage of it, why the fuck not right? Because if not me, you will have other guys drooling over her EASILY and most of them will probably end up with the same result as I did.
If I could be honest, I wasn't even thinking about sex with her. She's just a girl that I actually saw an actual future with. That's why this shit pisses me off more. If I wanted sex, I already have a girl on the side that I can have sex with if needed.
I don't understand, was she being flirty with you initially? Was she only supposed to ask you for help if she was willing to hook up with you? And maybe she wasn't communicating because she realized what was going on and didn't want to lead you on further? I mean she could of just continued to have you do stuff for her indefinitely, she did you a favor really.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Is this your first year at college? "Class only" friends is a pretty common and normal thing. You'll say hi to them in class and talk about the class but anything outside of that doesn't really exist. Same sex, opposite sex, it doesn't matter. You seem to have the impression that she has an obligation to go above and beyond that, most likely because you think she's attractive.
That you "saw a future" with random class girl who shows no interest you is..well..nice guy nonsense.
This is because you're truly being absolutely carefree around these women you're not interested in. It makes you more attractive. You don't want anything from them which makes you different around them compared to when you're around hot flesh that *you want*. If you were always this carefree and convinced yourself that your kind of woman is always into you, life would be different.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
hot flesh
Vermillion
Banned
Doesn't sound like she flirted with you at all. Sure, she "used you" to help her with her work, but not by doing anything that could have remotely suggested to you that she was interested in you. Only differences between her and a guy was that she was attractive to you and your subsequent reaction to her just being attractive.
Complain when people actually screw with your mind; just being hot doesn't qualify.
Merry Christmas.
You're looking for a step by step or a FAQ where there isn't one, though. Broad advice is more or less what you are going to get, and you have to fill in the blanks on your own. Everyone is different, and every girl is different, so any specifics you get will be purely anecdotal.
Excitement can come from mystery, as said earlier. Make your intentions clear that you want to date her, but don't be too forward. Don't be too needy or clingy, obviously. It can also come from what and where your dates are. Spontaneity can be exciting. Doing something with her she's never done, going somewhere she's never been. It's very much common sense, you just have to figure out the details on your own, and no one else can do that for you.
But like I said, specifics are difficult and you're not going to get all the answers handed to you here. Or anywhere. And I would be wary of anyone who professed to give you a step by step consisting of specifics, because its going to be bullshit and blow up in your face (again because everyone/girl is different).
Kiss her and fucking take her hot flesh there.
Be strong, my friend. Be strong.
The_Inquisitor
Member
She's at home right now. She doesn't come back till next month. She basically said something along the lines of she likes to have sex every day and something about always making a man happy.
I don't think I've ever met such a straightforward girl in my life hahaha
twilitesparklemotion
Member
get that the fuck out of here
Well, I appreciate it. I read most of the help ones on a typical basis and it does seem to help me kick that self-pity mechanism back down after a vent. I think the biggest change is switching from that, "I hate myself" attitude to "I'm happy to be me". Corny as shit, but it seems like the results are starting to slowly pour in now. And it's just feeding into a cycle. As the results come in, you start to get more positive. Stuff that would have drove me off a year or two ago are having less effect on me now.
What's wrong with what I said, exactly?
Do you have a step by step list of ways to successful dating for every scenario you can come across?
There are too many variables involved for something like that, and by variables I mean human beings.
I'll provide advice and what I think to be right all day long, but at some point there has to be an element of yourself in there and what you find out on you own. Not because I, or anyone else, don't "want" to provide that for you but because it has to be found out on your own. You are different from me, I am different from Midnights, most everyone of us are different from Izick.
There is nothing wrong with broad advice, but people are expecting to find all of the answers when that just isn't going to, and can't, be provided for them.
I am a proponent of the "better your life and it will happen" route, because that is what I myself have found success and happiness with. I can give you a damn step by step of what I did to reach that point, but honestly it won't do you any good. Advice that I've given is a more broad version of what I did, and know, because details are...surprise! Anecdotal.
If you just want to "pick up chicks", watch those PUA YouTube videos. That's about as "step by step" as you're gonna get. Otherwise you're going to get the broad advice and the Brent Smith.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
I think that was one of those sarcastic "gedda fuck outta here" like "no shit, sherlock".
Likely true. Something I can change in time at least.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Honestly, I'm just guessing myself. He could be serious. And an idiot.
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