Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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I'm really sorry to discuss about my issues here, but I really need to vent out a bit.

I'm extremely, but extremely ridiculously afraid of dying. Since I turned 30, there's not a day that I haven't been anxious about it. I just can't accept the fact that I will be dead someday. My mindset is that every single thing I do on this Earth won't matter anyways.

I have a fantastic life, great friends, great job, great lifestyle. I have 4 degrees so I don't think I'm that stupid. But since last year ,it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I've been a downhill path since and doctors can't help me, nobody can really.

I've been out clubbing 3-4 times a week since, and that's coming from someone who didn't even drink. Most guys I frequent at theses places do drugs, and laugh me because I don't. The thing is if I start I know I'll probably won't get out of it alive. I've been out to orgies, leather parties and such. I always enjoyed kinky sex but it was usually with a bf.

So I'm aware that I'm not doing the right thing, but I just can't deal with it. It seems that I want to live every life in such an intense way, all of this because I just love life and don't want to die. :(

It sounds to me that you have an anxiety disorder, I used to always have a fear of dying. You should talk to a mental health proffession. Maybe they can help you. What you're describing is pretty typical of someone with generalized anxiety disorder. It doesn't really seem like you have many serious problems at the moment and your anxiety manifests around death. You need to talk to a psychologist.
 
no more RPJ for you? :( you had a nice pic.

and the bolded: assuming we are not talking about a guy coming in your mouth or face, how is liking skin a risk for possible HIV transmition?, saliva is very agressive against the HIV virus, chances of getting infected with oral are so low, that it may be easier to be struck by lightning than getting HIV that way.

from my circle of friends that have HIV all have admitted to have had unprotected anal at different points in their lives. that's pretty much it.

not to be disrespectful but your friends saying they don't know how they got it are a bit deluded.

EDIT: Not you friends!! I meant JeFf's!! lol

Aw... Nice. :) That's sweet of you. I might put it back up soon.

I've only had three people come in my mouth. All three were negative. So yeah.

I had one person who was avoiding me for a while before he finally told me he had HIV and that he got it stupidly from a fuck buddy. I know it was hard for him to come out and tell me, but I respect him a lot for it.

So, yeah. The few people I know who are HIV positive, especially recently positive, got it because they were unsafe with sex.

Just turning 30. Well if you were told you're gonna die next week, would you live life at it's fullest potential? Your actions would't matter much, nihilism and all.

Are you really fucking upset because you turned 30?
 
You seem like you're suffering form depression and its good to see you already have an appointment for help as it is. What I want to know is what is it about HIV that sounds so compelling to you? IF you can detail why it is and what you know about HIV/AIDS. You mentioned an "Easier Avenue" Are you talking about the scene to get infected or getting it to be an easier avenue for something else....? To me it either sounds like you want to get it for a specific reason either to have a more tasking and exhausting life in the long run, inevitably to your end, or something else entirely like self punishment or something.
 
Just turning 30.
Thirty is a scary age for some, but you have to realize you're not even at the halfway point of your life yet. Now's not the time for doing rash things, save it for your midlife crisis!
Well if you were told you're gonna die next week, would you live life at it's fullest potential? Your actions would't matter much, nihilism and all.
Perhaps it's just me, but I'd go out in a way so that I'd be remembered the way I'd want to be remembered. But your death isn't imminent, hm?
 
Test results are not self-reported by the individuals. There's an obligation to report the cases.

test results aren't, but how they were infected is self-report. you cannot take those numbers and generalize it into the population with any accuracy for a number of reasons.
 
Also Jeffrey, if you get HIV at your age you still have a life expectancy of 75 years.

http://www.natap.org/2011/HIV/112811_03.htm

Oh prez don't get him zippy :P

To all north american (Canada and US) guys.. is it hard to get friends-bfs up there? how open is people on your country to sexuality regarding willingness to open themselves easly for a relationship? I've read many posts about how hard it is to know someone on our demographic and as I plan on moving out of my country some day I'm curious, and even more as my city is like the gayest city ever lol you can't walk a street without noting how high gay density is, I have absolutely zero problem with meeting people even if I'm not much of a party-big social group guy. You can even try some luck and in the worst of cases getting an heterosexual acquintance (I did it with my bf as I was not sure if he was gay.. well let's say it turned out well hahah) so how's the situation for you first world guys?
 
Be honest now, what did you think the average life expectancy was? Please stop relying on all the bullshit you learned from friends/strangers/school and read up.

I thought it was 30 years or something after being infected. It's not a subject I'm an expert on or anything. That's why I thought it might lower my anxiety now.

You are right about rumours being put on as facts.
 
Thirty is a scary age for some, but you have to realize you're not even at the halfway point of your life yet. Now's not the time for doing rash things, save it for your midlife crisis!

Perhaps it's just me, but I'd go out in a way so that I'd be remembered the way I'd want to be remembered. But your death isn't imminent, hm?

Well the thirties are supposed to be the best years of your life. No my death is not imminent, but the end result is still the same. That's what freaks me out.
 
I think this would be a good time for someone to post a link about HIV/AIDS issues/safety/education. Any takers?

HIV is spread primarily by:

Not using a condom when having sex with a person who has HIV. All unprotected sex with someone who has HIV contains some risk. However:
Unprotected anal sex is riskier than unprotected vaginal sex.
Among men who have sex with other men, unprotected receptive anal sex is riskier than unprotected insertive anal sex.
Having multiple sex partners or the presence of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can increase the risk of infection during sex. Unprotected oral sex can also be a risk for HIV transmission, but it is a much lower risk than anal or vaginal sex.
Sharing needles, syringes, rinse water, or other equipment used to prepare illicit drugs for injection.
Being born to an infected mother—HIV can be passed from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, or breast-feeding.
Less common modes of transmission include:

Being “stuck” with an HIV-contaminated needle or other sharp object. This risk pertains mainly to healthcare workers.
Receiving blood transfusions, blood products, or organ/tissue transplants that are contaminated with HIV. This risk is extremely remote due to the rigorous testing of the U.S. blood supply and donated organs/tissue.
HIV may also be transmitted through unsafe or unsanitary injections or other medical or dental practices. However, the risk is also remote with current safety standards in the U.S.
Eating food that has been pre-chewed by an HIV-infected person. The contamination occurs when infected blood from a caregiver’s mouth mixes with food while chewing. This appears to be a rare occurrence and has only been documented among infants whose caregiver gave them pre-chewed food.
Being bitten by a person with HIV. Each of the very small number of cases has included severe trauma with extensive tissue damage and the presence of blood. There is no risk of transmission if the skin is not broken.
Contact between broken skin, wounds, or mucous membranes and HIV-infected blood or blood-contaminated body fluids. These reports have also been extremely rare.
There is an extremely remote chance that HIV could be transmitted during “French” or deep, open-mouth kissing with an HIV-infected person if the HIV-infected person’s mouth or gums are bleeding.
Tattooing or body piercing present a potential risk of HIV transmission, but no cases of HIV transmission from these activities have been documented. Only sterile equipment should be used for tattooing or body piercing.
There have been a few documented cases in Europe and North Africa where infants have been infected by unsafe injections and then transmitted HIV to their mothers through breastfeeding. There have been no documented cases of this mode of transmission in the U.S.
HIV cannot reproduce outside the human body. It is not spread by:

Air or water.
Insects, including mosquitoes. Studies conducted by CDC researchers and others have shown no evidence of HIV transmission from insects.
Saliva, tears, or sweat. There is no documented case of HIV being transmitted by spitting.
Casual contact like shaking hands or sharing dishes.
Closed-mouth or “social” kissing.
All reported cases suggesting new or potentially unknown routes of transmission are thoroughly investigated by state and local health departments with assistance, guidance, and laboratory support from CDC.

Back to Index

How do HIV tests work?

The most commonly used HIV tests detect HIV antibodies – the substances the body creates in response to becoming infected with HIV. There are tests that look for HIV's genetic material or proteins directly; these may also be used to find out if someone has been infected with HIV.

It can take some time for the immune system to produce enough antibodies for the antibody test to detect, and this “window period” between infection with HIV and the ability to detect it with antibody tests can vary from person to person. During this time, HIV viral load and the likelihood of transmitting the virus to sex or needle-sharing partners may be very high. Most people will develop detectable antibodies that can be detected by the most commonly used tests in the United States within 2 to 8 weeks (the average is 25 days) of their infection. Ninety-seven percent (97%) of persons will develop detectable antibodies in the first 3 months. Even so, there is a small chance that some individuals will take longer to develop detectable antibodies. Therefore, a person should consider a follow-up test more than three months after their last potential exposure to HIV. In extremely rare cases, it can take up to 6 months to develop antibodies to HIV.

Conventional HIV tests are sent to a laboratory for testing, and it can take a week or two before the test results are available. There are also rapid HIV tests available that can give results in as little as 20 minutes. A positive HIV test result means that a person may have been infected with HIV. All positive HIV test results, regardless of whether they are from rapid or conventional tests, must be verified by a second “confirmatory” HIV test.
How can HIV be prevented?

Because the most common ways HIV is transmitted is through anal or vaginal sex or sharing drug injection equipment with a person infected with HIV, it is important to take steps to reduce the risks associated with these. They include:

Know your HIV status. Everyone between the ages of 13 and 64 should be tested for HIV at least once. If you are at increased risk for HIV, you should be tested for HIV at least once a year.
If you have HIV, you can get medical care, treatment, and supportive services to help you stay healthy and reduce your ability to transmit the virus to others.
If you are pregnant and find that you have HIV, treatments are available to reduce the chance that your baby will have HIV.
Locate an HIV testing site.
Abstain from sexual activity or be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with an uninfected partner.
Limit your number of sex partners. The fewer partners you have, the less likely you are to encounter someone who is infected with HIV or another STD.
Correct and consistent condom use. Latex condoms are highly effective at preventing transmission of HIV and some other sexually transmitted diseases. “Natural” or lambskin condoms do not provide sufficient protection against HIV infection.
Get tested and treated for STDs and insist that your partners do too.

Locate an STD testing site.
Male circumcision has also been shown to reduce the risk of HIV transmission from women to men during vaginal sex.
Do not inject drugs. If you inject drugs, you should get counseling and treatment to stop or reduce your drug use. If you cannot stop injecting drugs, use clean needles and works when injecting.

Locate resources on substance abuse treatment.
Obtain medical treatment immediately if you think you were exposed to HIV. Sometimes, HIV medications can prevent infection if they are started quickly. This is called post-exposure prophylaxis.
Participate in risk reduction programs. Programs exist to help people make healthy decisions, such as negotiating condom use or discussing HIV status. Your health department can refer you to programs in your area.
Read our Questions and Answers about HIV Prevention.
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That's for the U.S. centers for disease control.
 
You need to get over the fact that we're not eternal. And making your life as awesome as possible is a good idea not because it'll make your corpse rot more gracefully, but because the other alternative is not making your life awesome. Seriously, two options. Life is enjoyable, and that's something you'll remember once you get your freaking clinical depression treated. Just be aware that your current train of thought is not really you, it's being clouded by a disease.
 
What the hell is going on in here?!

Do you guys ever use Meetup.com to meet a bunch of guys at once for like bowling, biking, rugby, whatever? Or if you're lucky enough to have a LGBT community center local, the outings scheduled from there?

I found that it's less pressure, way less online weirdos, and more op to organically hook up with the good ones. And you know you already like something in common. I hate that so many of you are hitting so many dating walls. :(

Small towns = fewer options. Downside of being a minority.

gusV1.gif

I like how you almost never post and when you do, it's usually a gif.

Still <3 you though!
 
Well the thirties are supposed to be the best years of your life. No my death is not imminent, but the end result is still the same. That's what freaks me out.

Ask any elderly person, and they'll tell you that it becomes easier to accept the inevitability of death. But you are so far away from death that for the time being, you just need to stop thinking about it. Yes, it sends a shiver down the spine, but you'll find a way to accept it. All people do, even if it's in the last seconds of their life. Worrying about it before you're anywhere close is pointless. But again, getting professional assistance for your anxiety is probably going to help the most in that regard.

I'm not sure about the thirties being the best years of your life, but you're the only thing that will prevent any single year from being good, hm?
 
Unprotected oral sex can also be a risk for HIV transmission, but it is a much lower risk than anal or vaginal sex.

sorry that I insist but how is licking a "cut" penis, with no scars, wounds or anything a risk for HIV transmission? are they telling me there that microscopic particles of pre-cum that will invade my mouth and survive the lethal liquids in saliva?

what is it in the skin of the penis that is different from the skin in the neck, the chest or the hands? what if I lick everywhere but the tip? how is that different from licking someone else's finger?
 
Both extremes are somewhat unappealing. But I guess I'd take twinks over bears, I tend to be attracted to slim guys regardless of their age.
 
sorry that I insist but how is licking a "cut" penis, with no scars, wounds or anything a risk for HIV transmission? are they telling me there that microscopic particles of pre-cum that will invade my mouth and survive the lethal liquids in saliva?

What you're saying sounds like utter nonsense to me, but I'm not sure if oral contact with precum can transmit HIV. I assume it's possible because oral sex is not entirely safe, but I'll have to look that up.
 
Well, if everything is settled I'll just skedaddle and post my vote for twinks.

Keep your chin up, your priorities straight, and remember we're here to help, Jeff. The depression thread may also be of help to you if you need it.
 
Jeff, please know that things will be okay :)

Also, I'd recommend giving dating/clubbing a bit of a break while you're not feeling so good, it's clearly being more of a burden than simply a fun activity.
 
Yes, I'm okay with this.

I'd kill to have this body. That guy is very likely younger than me... no way I can catch up to that.

What you're saying sounds like utter nonsense to me, but I'm not sure if oral contact with precum can transmit HIV. I assume it's possible because oral sex is not entirely safe, but I'll have to look that up.

utter nonsense? how so?

Everywhere I've researched leads me to believe that there is no undisputed, un debatable, undeniable proof regarding the way transmision happens via oral sex, there's only a handful of theories and the claims of a couple of guys swearing they never even had anal sex, so the medical world believes oral sex is the next possiblity.

for anal and vaginal sex there are exact, detailed explanations about exactly where and how transmission happens but there is no such info for oral.

One theory is that there has to be extenuating circumstances, like a mouth with wounds and visible blood, a HIV positive viral load through the roof, probably other STD presents, and using HIV filled cum to wash your mouth, but I think everything it's just too forced and hypthetical...
 
utter nonsense? how so?

Everywhere I've researched leads me to believe that there is no undisputed, un debatable, undeniable proof regarding the way transmision happens via oral sex, there's only a handful of theories and the claims of a couple of guys swearing they never even had anal sex, so the medical world believes oral sex is the next possiblity.

for anal and vaginal sex there are exact, detailed explanations about exactly where and how transmission happens but there is no such info for oral.

One theory is that there has to be extenuating circumstances, like a mouth with wounds and visible blood, a HIV positive viral load through the roof, probably other STD presents, and using HIV filled cum to wash your mouth, but I think everything it's just too forced and hypthetical...

That sounds much more convincing. I'll look it up.
 
Nothing turns me on more than a "V shaped" middle body. NOTHING.

isn't that called "Adonis Belt" ? google some pics and tell us if you like what you see :P

some guys in the fitness thread said it's genetics to have such a form in the lower body.. I have a bit of that and I think it's due to hanging leg raises and different types of crunches... don't know honestly.
 
There's something about his eyebrows that looks off to me...

Yeah but I could live with it if I had his body. I hate my genes.

isn't that called "Adonis Belt" ? google some pics and tell us if you like what you see :P

some guys in the fitness thread said it's genetics to have such a form in the lower body.. I have a bit of that and I think it's due to hanging leg raises and different types of crunches... don't know honestly.

"Adonis Belt"? I think I've seen a few guys at the gym with that. Damn lucky guys
 
Yeah but I could live with it if I had his body. I hate my genes.
It's not just one's genetical potential that matters. A decrease in body fat and an increase in muscle can make nearly anyone look good. Which reminds me, I need to start hitting the gym and eating better again...

Is January over or something? Now I see two people who have reverted their avatars back to what they had before. :o
 
It's not just one's genetical potential that matters. A decrease in body fat and an increase in muscle can make nearly anyone look good. Which reminds me, I need to start hitting the gym and eating better again...
It would be decades before I could even get close to an "Adonis Belt". Just today I was on casual xl ordering 54" pants.
 
isn't that called "Adonis Belt" ? google some pics and tell us if you like what you see :P

some guys in the fitness thread said it's genetics to have such a form in the lower body.. I have a bit of that and I think it's due to hanging leg raises and different types of crunches... don't know honestly.

I think he means wide and big shoulders and narrower waist. Something like this
upperbackexercises2.jpg


What you're thinking of are the iliac crest muscles and it has a lot to do with genetics, true.
 
Oh my god. That really sucks.. so sorry about that. Where are you where this happens all the time and was he a prostitute?

I live in Rio de Janeiro, it does not happen all the time, I've actually had great times in this place, he might have been a prostitute but I really didn't thought about it until later. I'm pretty much terrible at picking up cues or anything social related for that matter.

And I approve of rugby players very much.
 
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